sorry,I was trying to be quiet,but there's
not enough room in here to swing a cat.
Did you just say "swing a cat"?
Where I come from,cats
sometimes get swung.
But now that you're up,can
I tell you about my day?
No,you can't,because I have
a little something for you.
Just for being one of L.A.'S
top and up-and-coming chefs.
Oh,my god. Thank you.
I have the perfect place to put it,too.
- Where?
- My office.
- The kitchen?
- I mean my office.
I've been promoted to head chef.
on probation,of course. I still have
a lot to prove. But,kevin,head chef.
Oh,my god.
that is so amazing.
Wait!
Saturday's "yay,scotty made it into the artic"
dinner is now a "yay,scotty got promoted" dinner.
God,have I told you how much
I love your family recently?
I-I can't imagine my parents
throwing me a "yay,scotty" dinner.
Although,they did once throw me
a "we're so disappointed" brunch.
Considering sarah never throws dinner parties,I
actually think she likes you more than me.
- God,do you know how long I've worked for this?
- Yeah.
I am so proud of you.
And the best part-- it
comes with a pay raise.
So I get to do what I love
and bring home a real paycheck.
Maybe we can talk about
getting a bigger place?
- Wow,with cat swinging room?
- And maybe a deck?
and a jacuzzi.
Hardwood floors.
so please... donate now and
give as generously as you can.
You will make a lasting difference
in the lives of a deserving family
and give them the encouragement and support
they desperately need at this time...
what are you doing?
Oh... in-insomnia.
... Working minimum-wage
jobs simply to meet her rent.
Or anna,who,with her three children...
I know that we're both upset that
the adoption didn't pan out,but...
trish changed her mind. You have
got to stop b*ating yourself up.
Oh,honey.
I'm-- I'm sorry.
Go-- go back to bed. You
have a flight in the morning.
I'm-- I'm just-- you know,I'll
be in bed as soon as this is over.
- What is is?
- I'm making this donation to this organization for single mothers.
Do you see that woman there?
Okay,she has three children
that she's trying support.
She has two jobs,and she
still can't make it work.
But-- but somehow-- somehow
she gets through it,and now...
now she has this
beautiful,beautiful place that--
that she can call home.
Ah,you know what? I'm gonna
make a donation to that,too.
please give what you can. Donate now.
nora,are you sure you don't want me
to go over some of your loan paperwork?
If you feel compelled,knock
yourself out.
But it's all filled out
and already approved.
So you just invited me for
brkfast,huh? No ulterior motives?
All right,I wanted to show off. I-I
wanted you to see how prepared I am.
Well,color me impressed.
Hey there,uncle saul. Good morning,mom.
So,uncle saul,what are
you doing here so early?
To tell you the truth,justin,I
really don't know.
I thought your mother was using breakfast as
bait to get me to go to the auction with her.
I don't need you to go
to the auction with me.
I have this completely under control.
There are two properties
I have my eye on.
Either of 'em would be
perfect for the center.
I've laid all the groundwork,and tomorrow,for
the first time in my life,I'm gonna buy a house.
Granted,it's for other families,but
it's a milestone nonetheless.
It's the second time.
Second time you bought a house,right?
First.
Your father bought this
house without even telling me.
It was a surprise for our anniversary.
I don't even think I had a credit card with
my own name on it until the mid-' s.
Well,thank you for this
wonderful breakfast.
Now I am going home to await
the air conditioning repairman.
Maybe I'll polish some silver when I get
home,huh? The glamorous life of a bachelor.
good luck tomorrow. Bid
like the wind,my sister.
poor guy.
Come on. He doesn't have anything to do. He
doesn't have a job. He just mopes around all day.
Hello,pot. Have you met kettle?
That's hilariousmom. I think-- I think you're
forgetting the fact that I have a girlfriend,
and I go to narcotics anonymous,
and I have recruiting duties.
Okay,I'm pathetic,too,but you know what? At least
I don't spend my days w-waiting for a repairman or--
or pishing silver.
Never underestimate the
power of shiny silver.
what about sage?
I mean,my repertoire has been pretty limited the
last few years to fish sticks and mac and cheese.
I really want him to like it.
You know,I was thinking
about veal piccata.
Is that upscale enough,do you think?
- Kevin?
- What?
Y-- yeah,that-- look,that's
fine. Stop-- stop stressing.
He's just happy we're throwing
him a celebratory dinner.
No,no,no,nowe. Me. I'm throwing
scotty a celebratory dinner.
What about you? Are you gonna
get him something special?
I mean,this is a really
big deal for scotty.
Yeah,yeah,yeah. I'll think of something.
Hey,is it a sign of depression if your wife would rather stay
up all night watching television than come to bed with you?
Well,of course kitty's depressed. She thought
she was gonna get a baby in three months.
- Who am I speaking to?
- Hey,robert.It's sarah.
Kevin,speakerphone etiquette. Learn it.
- Sorry.
- So what's kitty doing?
She's not sleeping,and
she won't talk about it.
She says she's fine,but stays up all night
obsessively donating to television charities.
- That is not a good sign.
- That's bad.
And I gotta fly back for the vote. I won't
be here till next week,so my thought--
hold that thought.
Oh,hey,mom. Listen,can I call you back?
Kitty's depressed. Robert needs advice.
continue.
Do you remember kitty's
homecoming dance junior year?
Thdance of humiliation?
What's the dance of humiliation?
- It was right after the spandex debacle.
- Spandex debacle?
Yeah,she was so freaked out,dad thought
she'd actually have to transfer schools.
Yeah,but then she went up to ojai with
tommy,and when she came back,she was fine.
Oh,right. What'd he do?
You know,I actually don't know.
You know,I don't think reliving an awkward high
school incident is pertinent to the discussion.
- KeviN.
- I'm on it.
hello.
Tommy,it's kevin.
Look,kitty's depressed.
Do you remember what you
did in ojai to cheer her up?
uh,yes,I remember.
- Hello.
- What's wrong with kitty?
Walker news travels fast.
Put me on speakerphone.
Uh,okay,but,everyone,let's
try not to talk l at once.
That was supposed to be a
secret between me and kitty.
- Maybe I should talk to her.
- that's not a good idea,mom.
What are you talking about?
It was,like,a lifetime ago.
This is about kitty,remember?
You all think you know how to cheer
kitty up. I'm her mother,for god sakes.
How can you people
hear yourselves think?
- Is that justin?
- No.
- no,it's robert.
- Robert.
- Robert,are you listening to me?
- Trying.
Look,kitty doesn't do well
with time on her hands.
- No news to anyone.
- Well,I knew that.
- Look,do you guys want my help or not?
- YeS.
Fine. After the
spandex incident--
the spandex
incident? The span--
- oh,good lord in heaven.
- Okay,can someone please clarify for me the spandex incident?
You don't want to know.
Look,we were hanging out at ojai,I-I gave
her a project toeep her mind off of things.
- It was a win-win.
- What project?
I... Let her write my
history paper for me.
- Tommy walker.
- You let her? Oh,nice.
I know. The worst thing is for
kitty to have nothing to do.
She likes to do things,so keep her busy.
You kn,I just finished a
proposal for greenatopia.
I could give it to her,say
I really need her feedback.
That'll keep her busy.
I'm glad you called,robert.
Actually,I didn'T. I...
you're welcome.
- ByE.
- Bye.
Later.
- ByE.
- ByE.
Seriously,you have got to get a
referee for your family discussions.
I can't make scotty's dinner,so
congratulate him for me?
Yeah. At least one of us is doing well.
Hey,you knew you were getting a pay cut.
Yeah,it's just... you
know,after taxes,wow.
Nobody goes into politics for the money.
It's all about making a difference.
Right. Who needs those
extra zeroes anyway?
hey,uh,you need another?
Oh,no,I'm fine. Thanks.
I'm just waiting for scotty.
Ah!
You must be kevin,the husband.
Yeah,yeah.
That's-- at's me.
Oh,I'm vicki.
Hi,vicki. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
So,uh,how proud are you?
You know,pretty... pretty darn proud.
- He's taking off like a rocket ship.
- Yeah.
You can lie around on the
couch all day eating bonbons.
Yeah,you know,I'm-- I'm not a big fan
of the bonbon,plus,I do have a job.
by the way,you guys are
the cutest couple ever.
Oh,thank you.
I always tell scotty that if he
wasn't gay,I'd be all over his action.
Ah,here he is.
Holler at me if you need anything.
Thanks,vicki. We'll be sure to holler.
- hey,handsome.
- HeY.
Sorry about that. Friends of the
mayor wanted to pay their compliments.
Oh,well,as long as it's friends of the mayor and not
just ordinary rich and powerful people,that's fine.
Oh,so you're bonding with vicki.
Yeah,I'm pretty sure we could have her
over for a threesome if you're interested.
Yeah,I know,but don't worry.
I told her our apartment
wasn't big enough for group sex.
Very clever.
You're not in a very good mood.
Huh? What? No,I'm fine. You know...
what's the matter?
Nothing. Just a minor financial hiccup.
Oh. Define "hiccup.¡±
we'll be fine.
Kevin,I'm your spouse,your spouse who just got a
pay raise and would very much like to contribute.
Great. So can you contribute some
food? I haven't eaten since is morning.
as a matter of fact,I
know the head chef.
I'll see what I can scrounge up.
But this conversation is not over.
sarah.
It's : .
You might want to start the
day,or at least take a shower.
Yeah. Well--
well,yeah.
You know,you're right.
You know,I just-- I--
I w-- I was up really late
working on some charity working...
oh. This should wake you up.
WoW.
Well,look--
wh-- thank you.
Look at that.
It's got--
it's got strawberries,chocolate
chips,cocoa pebbles--
my favorite toppings.But,
sarah,you don't need to cheer me up.
Oh,I'm not here to cheer you
up. I'm here to butter you up.
I'm completely overwhelmed with
this whole scotty dinner thing.
The menu I planned is way too ambitious.
Oh. Well,do you want
me to help you cook?
oh,god,no. No,no. No,no.
I was hoping you could help me
with my proposal for greenatopia.
If you could look it over and
make sure everything's smooth.
It's supposed to go out to
potential vendors on monday.
Really?
If you're not too busy.
Uh,no,no. I-I-I could
probably find some time.
Great.
I'm-- I'm
learning spanish.
So i was busted,I lost my medical
license,my friends,my savings.
But here I am,seven years sober.
Thank you.
But lately,I have been
tempted. I have to admit it.
You know,one little pill and
all the pain could go away.
See,um,my boyfriend of ten
years,uh,hank,left me a few months ago.
He said he needed space.
So i ge him about , miles of it.
I left cincinnati and
moved here to sunny cali.
So there's,uh,no more
snow,no more hank's halitosis,
but,uh,here I am,alone.
I mean,my social life pretty much
consists of chatting with todd,the,uh,
cable guy who,uh,gave me free movie
channels. So that's something,uh,there.
But,uh,I guess ultimately,everyone's
just looking for companionship.
hey,paul.
Oh,hey.
ah,I'm terrible with names.
- Justin.
- Justin.
Yeah,the,uh,the
ex-soldier,wounded knee.
Oh,and the horndog dad issues,right?
Yeah,yeah.
That-- that's me.
Um,paul,listen,I-I know
this isn't exaly protocol.
I was... I was just wondering if you
had dinner plans for tomorrow night.
Oh,justin,I'M...
so flattered.
But I'm afraid i'm way
past my twink phase.
Oh,no,no,no. No.
No,no,no,not for--
I-I have a girlfriend--
Who's-- who's--
- yeah,my
girl-- - oh.
It's,um,I just wanted to invite you to a dinner
party. I think I know someone that you'd--
that you'd really hit it off with,so...
oh,um...
it looked so pathetic in
the harsh light of day.
It's no wonder people don't
go into public service anymore.
Well,at least scotty's getting a raise.
Yeah,I know,and I'm happy for him.
It's just,you know,there's no getting away from
the fact,I'm in much less desirable tax brackeT.
I gotta say,dad's office is
looking pretty good these days.
My office,if you don't mind.
Mm. Yeah,I'm sorry. Oh!
These the houses you're bidding on?
Yes,aren't they perfect?
- Have you checked out the neighborhoods?
- Yes.
I have even driven past at different times
of the day to check on the traffic situation,
and I've spoken to the local police
departments about crime in the areas.
Mm.
- Have you been inside them?
- No.
They're not open to the public,but I
have pictures from the auction houses.
I've done my due diligence.
- I think this one has potential.
- Oh,I know.
Can you imagine how many families
I can help with a place that size?
How long has it been vacant?
- Nine months.
- Whew.
What?
The longer they stand vacant,the higher the chance
of them becoming infested with rodents or termites.
That's what exterminators are for.
Have you been to city
hall,pulled the records on them?
Why?
To see if there's any outstanding
building code violations.
If there is,you assume liability,and
that becomes very expensive.
How expensive?
You don't want to know.
Look,I'm sure these are fine.
Have you set,uh,your
maximum bid for the auction?
Of course.
Good. 'Cause you know
how you get. No offense.
Well,offense taken. What
do you mean,how I get?
People get carried away. They make rash
decisions based on their excitement.
You know what I should do? I
should come with you tomorrow.
- Oh,no,no. Kevin I don't--
- no,absolutely.
I'll just walk you through the
process. I'll be there for support.
- No problem. - I
don't need you to do--
mom,I've looked after your
business affairs for years.
I'm not about to throw you
to the wolves,okay? Done.
If you want to pay me back,you can
come with me to the galleria tomorrow,
and we can pick out a gift
for scotty.How about that?
Okay.
I'm telling you,he's perfect.
His name's paul. He's not too
tall. He's gonna love saul.
So basically,he's a dr.Seuss character?
Oh,that's hilarious.
Oh,you think that's hilarious?
Wait till saul meets him.
Wait till saul meets who?
Uh,justin is setting saul
up let's not knock N.A.,
Considering your boyfriend,who you
love and adore,actually is in N.A.
What was he addicted to?
Uh,prescription dr*gs.
Oh,well,could be worse.
I mean,it's not like
it w crystal meth,right?
Oh,that's great. Saul,meet paul.
He's never done meth.
Saul will love that.
You know what,rebecca?
It's gonna be fine.
They'll have my family there as buffers.
Besides,it is so hard to meet
someone,especially after a certain age.
You kn,justin,that is a really
sweet thing you're doing.
Thank you,holly.
You hear that?
Sorry. I gotta take this. Excuse me.
You don't think it's a good idea,do you?
It's a terrible idea.
See,mom,why are you
encouraging him then?
Because he's your boyfriend,and
I want him to like me.
Or are you just excited at the possibility
of another walker dinner disaster?
I have to admit,it's a little of both.
All right,so it's okay if my
friend comes to the dinner?
Yes,but I wish you'd
given me more notice.
All right,and let's not make a big
deal about me setting saul up,all right?
Let's play it casual. I don't
want them to feel uncomfortable.
I will be very discreet.
Listen,honey,I gotta go.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Uh,what are you doing here so early?
I read your proposal,and I
thought maybe we could go over it.
You know,I'm a little distracted,getting
everything ready for tonight.
Of course. I just thought thai could
talk to you,you know,while you cook.
GreaT.
So,uh,how did it read?
Well,I thought that it was very...
informative.
What's with the pause?
- No,no,it's good.
- Yeah?
Whoa. That's a lot of typos.
No,actually,I didn't even read it for
typos. Any monkey can fix a few typos.
I-I focused on the deeper problems.
What problems?
Oh,not to worry. I have
a solution for everything.
Now the first problem I had
was with the mission statement.
The first sentence?
Yeah,I just-- I don't think that your company
goals and objectives are direct enough.
Hmm.
And-- and then
on page two...
,did you bring the,uh,cashier's
check for the deposit?
- Of course I did.
- All right.
Next on the block,a -bedroom home on a
beautiful tree-lined street in granada hills.
This is the first one.
Oh,god. Here we go.
Just-- just stay
calm,all right?
- Breathe.
- Okay.
I'm looking for an
opening bid for $ , .
Thank you,sir. $ , is your bid...
whoa. Mom,what are you doing?
You have plenty of time.
Don't get into a bidding
w*r and drive the price up.
Figure out how badly this guy
wants it,all right read the room.
You read the room. I'm buying a house.
Wait. Wasn't granada hills hit
really bad in the northridge quake?
- What?
- Yeah,right where the overpass collapsed.
- That was,like, years ago.
- Are you sure it didn't have earthquake damage?
- I mean,you said it was okay,right?
- Yes,it's fine.
All right,here
goes nothing. Wh--
does that chimney look crooked to you?
$ , ,going once.
Yeah,that's definitely crooked.
No,it's fine.
- It's fine.
- Twice...
you're just
being a total--
sold to the gentleman in the back.
Oh,I can't believe that just happened.
What?
Oh,come on. Look,if it wasn't
meant to be,it wasn't meant to be.
Don't worry. We'll--
we'll get the second house.
And now for a lovely
estate in artesia...
oh,and-- and this-- this-- this
whole,um,social networking application?
I mean,what-- what were
kyle and ethan even thinking?
Actually,that was my idea.
I don't-- I don't think it quite
meshes very well with your web site.
Note to self--
work on meshing.
Oh,and-- and this-- this slogan--
"a greener side of life," sarah?
don't you think it's a little hokey?
- excuse me.
- Sure.
Ahh. Thank god,the wine.
Yeah,I hope this is enough.
There's another case in the car.
Oh,great. You should go get that.
We're gonna need it for later.
Ah,meanwhile,I'll take this.
You need help with anything?
Yeah,I need you to help
me not to k*ll kitty.
Who's kitty?
- Who are you?
- Oh,I'm paul.
And you must be sarah.
What a lovely home.
I-I brought you a little
something. Uh,mind the pricklies.
Uh... thank you,paul.
Justin's friend.
Oh,of course. I'm sorry.
- Justin has friends.
- Apparently.
Actually,I'm being set up with saul.
I mean,what's he like? Is he sort
of the emotional,sensitive type?
Or is he more of the,you
know,the strong man of few words?
Saul?
Our uncle?
You know,I-I should just
let myself be surprised.
You know,I guess I'm just a
little bit nervous,you know?
It's,uh,it's been a long time r me.
I haven't really had any chemistry with anyone
since,you know,since,like,the truman administration.
You know,I haven't had that kind
of,you know,that hot,burning sensation.
Right.
Uh,the thing is,paul,that,um,the
dinner is not for two more hours.
Oh,I know. Oh,I'm so sorry
about being such an early bird.
It's fine.
Well,you know,my license was revoked.
You know,four D.U.I.S,and
they getough on you.
So anyway,I had to take
three buses to get here.
And I gave myself plenty of time.
Apparently a little bit too much time.
and finally,an absolutely
extraordinary property,not to be missed.
Here we go,the second house.
You know,I... I-- I'm
really not feeling it today.
Looking for an opening bid
of $ , for this beauty...
- let's just go buy the gift for scotty.
- What?
Look,I know you choked on the
first-- don't worry about it.
I did not choke. I did not choke.
I was fine until I listened to you and your
earthquake damage and vermin infestation.
Okay,well,as your financial
advisor,listen to me now.
This place is perfect.
Look at the room it's got. You know what
scotty and i would give for that much room?
Think of the parties we could throw.
Why would I want to throw parties
for families with sick children?
Look at that kitchen.
Scotty would love it.
I'm not buying this for scty.
$ , . New bidder,$ , ...
no,but I could.
What?
I could totally do it. I could sell
the loft. I could dip into my savings.
- Thank you,there.Got you.$ , .
- I could make this work.
Well,g-god knows it's--
it's a decent price.
- do i hear $ , ?
- $ , .
$ , ,new bidder. Thank you.
- Kevin walker.
- He says yes at $ , .
Do I hear $ , ?
$ , going once...
I can't believe you.
Twice...
you can't just snatch this
house right out from under...
sold.
Me.
all right.
Eenatopia? I
mean,I just--
you know,it's not the strongest
of names,I don't think.
And it doesn't really speak
to what your clientele wants.
I mean,greenatopia?
What-- what about
something like,um,organica?
But--
ooh,you know what? That's
not a bad idea,sarah.
You know,everything's in the name.
I happen to like greenatopia.
I'm gonna get the door.
Thanks for your feedback.
Tommy,would you make sure
the house doesn't burn down?
You know,one time...
I went to thanksgiving dinner at a
friend's house,and the oven caught fire.
Do you have any idea how far grease
can splatter from a flaming turkey?
hi there. Come in.
Mwah. Hey.
What--
- hey.
- Congratulations,honey.
Oh. oh,so well-deserved.
Thank you for having me. I can't
tell you how much it means to me.
Well,it is my pleasure,really.
Hors d'oeuvres? Would you like a drink?
- Yeah.
- Everybody's on the way.
Paul,however,is,um,already here.
Well,at least he's punctual.
Uh,no,no,no,not punctual. Early.
Very,very early.
You and i will be having words.
Justin.
Paul. There he is.
What's going on,man? Good to see you.
all right. Welcome.
Who's paul?
Friend of justin'S.
He thought it would be a good
idea to set paul up with saul.
Really?
becca,this is,uh,paul. This
is my girlfriend rebecca.
- Nice to meet you.
- Oh,nice to meet you.
And here's the,uh,the
man of the hour,scotty.
Oh,congratulations on your promotion.
Thank you.
I'll be honest with you. I've
never eaten in your restaurant.
I'm afraid the food's
probably a bit too rich for me.
I know it's too rich
for my bank balance.
Oh,sorry.
no.
Hey,guys.
Hey,paul,you gotta tell scotty that
story about you and your first boyfriend.
Oh,my god. You'll love that.
Come on. Come on.
You are so not as funny as you think.
You know,maybe the four of us should just sit down when
ethan and kyle get back,and we can have a revamping session.
You know,if you keep eating that
cheese,you're gonna ruin the whole platter.
Calm down,sarah. It's only
a couple of pieces of cheese.
No,it starts with a couple of pieces.
Then you want another and another
and another,and before you know it,
the whole platter will be ruined,and
it was perfect to begin with.
Hey,ladies.
You know,my mom used to
throw fabulous dinner parties.
Oh,that's nice.
See,my dad left us when
she was pregnant with me,
so I guess she needed something
to distract from all that pain.
Oh,that's so sad.
You know what? I'm gonna take this out to the living
room because people are starting to get hungry.
Oh,you know what? Let me help.
No,no,no. No,no,no.
- That's okay. - No,I got it. I
got-- I got these ones. I got these.
- Oh,hey,mom.
- Hi,honey.
Sorry we're late. I saw
uncle saul is driving up.
Uh-huh.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Is scotty here?
- He's in the living room.
- Great.
Is everything all right?
No,everything is not all right.
I was all set to go to the
auction today and to buy a house,
but kevin had to go with me to make
sure I didn't get myself into trouble,
and then he completely undermined all
my plans,dominated the whole procedure,
and to top it all off,he bought
a house right out from under me.
I'd like to strangle him
kevin bought a house?
Kevin didn't buy a house. Kevin
bought a mansion,my mansion.
W.
Well,if it's any consolation,I'm
at the strangling point with kitty.
My proposal was perfect. It was great.
I-- it was genius until kitty
morphed into some,like,evil professor.
- Did it distract her?
- I guess.
Mission accomplished.
Sarah,these canapés are amazing.
Thank you.
oh,my god.
You must be justin's mother.
Oh,I
fe-- oh.
you know what? He speaks about you so often
in our meetings,I feel like I already know you.
You know,we have similar taste in men.
I-I mean,I just go from
one cheater to another.
But I'm interrupting. I'm sorry.
You-- you
continue. Okay.
Great.
Who the hell is that?
That would be paul.
I have got the best surprise
in the history of surprises.
- Is it a
puppy? - Mnh-mnh.
It's a little better than a puppy.
Hey,everybody. The party can start.
Uncle saul.
Hey.
- This is gonna be interesting.
- It's gonna be great.
- Paul,saul's here.
- Paul?
Uh,uncle saul,I want you
to meet my good friend paul.
Paul,this is saul.
Quite the "road to
damascus" moment,isn't it?
I'm--
I'm sorry.
I've heard so much about you.
I've heard absolutely nothing about you.
Don't worry. You will.
Well,we could remedy that right
now. Would you like to have a chat?
Hmm? Come on. Come on.
so...
wow.
So how do you think it's going? I mean,they've
been talking for,like, minutes straight.
Well,actually,paul's been talking
for,like, minutes. Saul looks miserable.
No,no. Saul always looks like that.
Look,paul's a nice guy.
Justin,some of his stories have
permanently scarred my brain.
He's really open.
I know his entire medical history,from ringworm in
grade school to having his overzealous ear wax irrigated.
He is not open. He's an oversharer.
Justin,we need to talk.
Ohbe kind. He meant well.
All right,justin. Just tell
me what you were thinking.
Here's an older gay man,and oh,my uncle is
an older gay man. They'd be perfect together.
He's also got really
nice hair,which I know--
not funny,justin.
I'm sorry,uncle saul,all right? But
maybe you're not giving him a chance.
I mean,he's a really smart
guy. He used to be a doctor.
Where did you meet him?
I met him at N.A.
Hey,guys. Dinner's ready.
We are not finished.
This chair is kind of a butt k*ller.
Oh,yeah,sarah. We're gonna have to get you some
new chairs before you have another dinner party.
Thank you,kitty. I'll be
sure to take care of that.
in my apartnt,everything is overstuffed.
Wh it comes to furniture,I think the
bigger and the puffier,the better.
What about you,saul?
Well,no,actually,I-I-- I
tend to like cleaner lines.
Oh,I guess-- I guess paul just needs a
little more padding than uncle saul,huh?
tommy,could you pass the wine,please?
yeah.
uh,before we all start,
I would like to propose a toast
to our guest of honor,scotty.
So if you'd raise your glasses...
to scotty,who we love and
who we wish only the best with all
the success that is coming his way.
Thank you. And thank you all.
I am so proud to be a
member of this family.
Oh,please. Aww.
To scotty. cheers.
I also have an announcement to make.
Scotty,I love you so much
anwant nothing more than to make
you happy and to provide you with...
the life you deserve.
And so to that end...
I went out and...
bought you a little something today.
I bought us a house...
this house.
oh,my god. wow.
Are-- are you
gonna say something?
Nora,I thought you were the
one that was gonna buy a house.
Yes,so did I.
You know,if I bought a house
without talking to my boyfriend,
he would have tarred and
feathered and left me for dead.
Um...
will you excuse me?
Scotty,to--
I think he's a little... overwhelmed.
Over-- no.
No,kevin.
He feels bulldozed.
I'm sorry. What are you talking about?
Because you know what? I was
just trying to make him happy.
No,no.
Y-you just don't believe anyone
can succeed without your help.
There you go,kevin walker
to the rescue. You know what?
Maybe some people would really
like to do things without your helP.
Maybe we don't want to be rescued. Maybe
we'd like you to mind your own business.
I think you're being really unfair,because you always said
how happy you were en dad surprised you with our house.
- Your dad the cheater?
- Not now,pauL.
I pretended to be happy.
God,all the years I pretended to
be happy with what was handed to me,
as if it was inconceivable I might
actually have an opinion of my own.
You know what?
The men in this family need to learn they can't barge
into every situation like a bull in a china shop,
thinking they can fix
everything themselves.
If you would actually try
to communicate for a change,
then you would learn,scotty didn't
want you to buy a house forim.
And I didn't want your help
at that damn auction today.
Sarah,this is lovely.
Stay...
long enough to actually eat anything.
WoW.
Dinner and a show.
Well,that was fun.
Yeah.
you think you could keep
these up on a higher shelf?
You want me to get you
a chair to stand on?
No,I got it.
I just hope that paige and
cooper like veal piccata,
because they're gonna be
eating it for the next month.
By the way,I got these great containers.
They just snap. They're so easy.
Oh. Now you're criticizing
my food storage.
Oh,okay. Clearly you're mad because I
gave you some notes on your proposal.
They weren't notes. You disemboweled it.
You know,why did you ask me to
read it if you didn't want mypinion?
Because we were trying to distract you.
What are you talking about?
Dis--we?
Who's we?
Robert,the family,me.
We were worried about you.
We just,you know,used the
proposal as a way to...
take your mind off what happened.
God,sarah. You can't even say it.
Just say it. I can say it.
I scared away our birth
mother. I lost us a baby.
W-why didn't you guys just ask me how I was feeling instead
of this convoluted plan to get my mind off of things?
Well,to be fair,kitty,you didn't really
seem like you wanted to talk about it.
Well,no,no,of course I didn'T.
I still don'T. It's painful.
And all of you scheming to keep me
occupied isn't gonna change that.
A-and just for the
record,your plan didn't work.
The whole time that I was revising your stupid
proposal,I was b*ating myself up about trish.
Hey,it doesn't matter how
much I try to keep myself busy.
It's not gonna stop me from going
through what I'm going through.
I screwed up,plain and simple. It'S...
it's just something I'm
gonna have to deal with.
I can't imagine what
you're feeling,kitty.
Well,I'M...
I'm feeling pretty lousy,actually.
Well,that's fair,but
you're gonna get past this.
You're gonna get picked again.
You don't know that,and neither do I.
No,but I have faith,and I know that whatever
pain all this is causing is worth it.
The moment you have your child,you'll
be so grateful for every screwup,
every disappointment,all the
uncertainty because in the end,it--
it's all led you to your
daughter or your son.
I hope you're right.
I am.
well,thank you.
But maybe next time,instead of distracting
me,you could try something else?
Like what?
Hugs are good.
wow.
Okay,note to
self-- hug first...
proofread later.
Oh,come here.
I love you,kitty.
Mm,I love you,too.
Was my proposal really that bad?
Uh,less talking,more hugging.
okay.
- HeY.
- Justin.
Hey.
- I,uh-- -
how are you?
I just-- I just wanted to see if,uh,you made
it back all right after driving paul home.
That was not part of
the plan,uncle saul.
It's okay. It's fine. Come on in
yeah.
Sit down.
The truth is,I didn't have the heart
to tell him to take the bus home.
Anyway...
paul's not that bad.
Oh,so you gonna call him again?
Are you out of your mind? Not
if he was the last gay man alive.
Look,I,uh,I just wanted to
say I'm sorry,uncle saul.
Please. You don't have
to apologize,justin.
Actually,I was-- I was
very touched by the gesture.
But I think that you should
interfere in your own life.
Well,it's easier to butt into
other people's lives. I mean...
you know,figuring out what I
want to do for myself,that's--
that's where the headache comes.
Yeah,well,take an aspirin and start.
Look,you shouldn't be wasting your
talents trying to set up your uncle.
Well,I guess we can cross
"matchmaker" off my future career list.
That's a good idea.
Look,if I tell you something,can
I trust you to be discreet?
Yeah. What's--
what's going on?
If you tell anyone,I'll
never forgive you.
I cross my heart and
hope to die,all right?
- I'm seeing someone.
- You are?
It's early stages,and I really
care about this man a great deal,
which is why I don't want to bring the
relationship into the whole walker clan just yet.
Yeah,that's a--
that's a smart move.
Lips are sealed.
Okay.
hey.
kevin,we gotta talk.
Oh,what,storming out of sarah's house in the middle
of dinner wasn't communicative enough for you?
I didn't feel like making a scene.
Well,you did. You just
didn't stick around to see it.
I,on the other hand,had to sit there while my mother
screamed at me for being,oh,what did she say? Too controlling.
Well,you're definitely in control of
our finances. I mean,look at these--
gas,electric,even the magazine
subscriptions-- they're all in your name.
Transfer them into your name.
You think I like paying for them?
I'm starting to think you do.
I'm starting to think you're only comfortable
in this relationship being the provider.
Oh! Here we go again.
What is that supposed to mean?
Just because my father surprised my mother with a
new house,and I catastrophically did the same thing,
it doesn't make us the same person.
I never said you were.
Yeah? Well,my mother sure as hell did.
Well,that's her problem with
your dad. My problem is with you.
Oh,wow. For a second,I
was actually relieved.
kevin,d-do you not want me to succeed?
How can you even ask me that
when all I've done is support you?
When I was down,yes,you did.
Well,is there some
accusation lurking in there?
Because maybe you'd like to tell me what's
wrong with supporting someone you love--
nothing,but this feels competitive.
What's competit--
you-- you and me?
Why else,in the middle of a
party celebrating my success,
would you decide to announce,in front
of everybody,that you bought me a house?
Us. I bought us a house to
prove how proud I was of you.
No,you bought a house to make yourself feel
better. You wanted to change the headline.
You're crazy.
- Am i?
- Yeah.
Kevin,when I was living in my car,you
were more than willing to come to my rescue
because you love being
the big,successful man.
But guess what? Things have changed.
Do you honestly think
I want you to fail?
I think it threatens you
to feel like I'm your equal.
oh,man.
okay.
You want to know what my
financial hiccup yesterday was?
I am now officially...
making a quarter of what I used to.
A month ago,I was
about to become partner.
Now I am a low-paid
government employee.
You want to make changes
in people's lives.
What if can't even
make a change to ours?
scotty,you did keep
saying you wanted to move.
I didn't mean now.
I meant in a year or two when I've saved
money and we can buy a house together.
you know what? I'M...
I'm sorry. I just...
I guess I wanted to still prove that I
could do that,that i could take care of you,
and if I couldn't,then...
why would you even love me?
Kevin,I don't love you because of how much money
you make or because you can take care of me.
I love you because your hrt is
bigger than your very annoying brain.
And if even if you do want to be
competitive with me,it wouldn't make sense...
because you're the
reason I am who I am now.
Wow.
I didn't realize how amazing I was.
That's exactly right.
I really did want to surprise you.
You did.
but,um,next time,make it
something that we can both enjoy.
what,it's not bad enough you buy
this house right out from under me,
but you insist I come
over so you can gloat?
Would you please just come inside?
What is so important you
couldn't tell me on the phone?
I've gotta get on the freeway
at this time of the day.
It's
incredibly-- ooh.
It's awfully musty in here.
Yeah,well,I hope you can get used to it.
What do you mean?
What I mean is,this is your house,mom,
and I'm really,really very sorry
about what happened at the auction.
You know,look,'s a long-standing
walker tradition to overstep,
and I was acting like dad,and
that's not something I want to do.
Oh,kev. I'm sorry,too.
Honestly,I should've stuck to my
g*ns. I-I should've said something.
I-I should've gone to
the auction by myself.
Does this mean we're okay?
I-I stand by a lot of the
things i said yesterday,just...
not how I said them.
Yes. We're okay.
Great.
You want to take the keys? My
arm's getting kind of tired.
I don't know. It is awfully big.
Yes,it is,but think of all the good
you c do with a place like this.
Going twice...
oh,god.
Is this actually happening?
Am i really buying this house?
I really hope so,'cause it'll go a long
way to patching things up with my husband
if I can tell him I ditched the mansion.
Holy crap. I just bought a house.
congtulations.
Oh,gosh!
now before president-elect barack obama
moves into the white house on january th
and takes over the
leadership of the country...
- hey.
- Oh,hey.
You do know that our anniversary
isn't until next month,rit?
Yes.
Uh,the card from the kids.
They miss yo and the
flowers are from me.
Aww.
Thank you.
The news is on. Does that
mean that we' feeling better?
A little,no thanks to
"operation distract kitty.¡±
Uh,oh,yes,I-- well,I figured
that you'd hear about that.
Uponíaum,it didn't go well?
Mm,it was an unmitigated disaster.
sorry.
Well,no,no,don't be sorry.
I'm the one that owes you an apology.
I mean,if it weren't for me,we
would be decorating the nursery.
Oh,we're gonna get a baby. We're
just not gonna get it from trish.
Someone's gonna choose us.
I know. I just...
I promise,no more shutting you out.
Okay. Great.
Well,then let's start with you telling
me about the infamous spandex debacle.
I'm gonna k*ll 'em.
okay,we didn't drive far enough
for it to be casa del mar.
Ooh,I'm guessing the standard,right?
Keep guessing.
I feel like we should have a safe word.
Oh,funny you should
mention the word "safe.¡±
- Ready?
- Mm-hmm.
We're at a bank?
In pasadena?
Yeah,I drove a real big loop
on the freeway to fool you,
because now we have an appointment
with brett,our personal banker,
who's gonna help us
open our joint accounts.
You are so cute.
Then we go to casa del mar.
Ooh,scratch cute. You
are drop-dead sexy.
- Did I do good?
- Very good.
- I love you.
- I love you.
Love,love,love
03x08 - Going Once...Going Twice
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Mother Nora is the glue that holds the dysfunctional Walker clan together as family members face a variety of challenges.
Mother Nora is the glue that holds the dysfunctional Walker clan together as family members face a variety of challenges.