01x20 - My Master, the Doctor

Episode transcripts for the TV show "I Dream of Jeannie". Aired: September 18, 1965 – May 26, 1970.*
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Rescued from a bottle by a U.S. astronaut, a scantily clad genie named Jeannie becomes his sl*ve and eventually falls in love with him.
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01x20 - My Master, the Doctor

Post by bunniefuu »

Hello.

Hello.

Hello?

What?

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.
Thanks for calling.

l'll get down
to the hospital right away.

Yeah.

Roger. Roger!

Roger? Roge!

Jeannie. Jeannie.

Jeannie? Jeannie!

-Yes, master?
-Good morning.

l'm in kind of a hurry.
Could you--? Would you mind?

Thanks.

Where are you going?
You've not had your breakfast yet.

Well, l'm in kind of a hurry.

l just got a call from the hospital.
Roger's having an appendectomy.

What is an appendectomy?

The appendix is an organ
right here...

...and when you have it taken out,
that's called an appendectomy.

-ls it serious?
-Well, no, not really.

Then you have time
for a cup of coffee.

Maybe a quick one. Thanks.

Do you know that thou has the most
beautiful hands l've ever seen?

l beg your pardon?

They remind me of the hands
of the great Rasha Houn.

Oh, really? Who was he?

He was a famous surgeon
in ancient Carthage.

You know, it's funny
you should say that.

Know what l wanted to be ever since
l was a kid more than anything?

-What?
-Well, you'll laugh. A surgeon.

-Really?
-Yeah.

Roger.

Hi, Tony.
What are you doing here?

Scalpel, doctor.

Help. Help!

Help!

Help! Don't touch me.

Don't be ridiculous, Roger.

l'm not gonna hurt you.

Keep away from me!

Keep that away from me. Help!

Get back on the table.

-What's going on here?
-l changed my mind, doctor.

l don't need an operation.
Just had a touch of indigestion.

Captain Healey!
Come back here!

l can't understand
what got into him, doctor?

lt's a very clear case
of preoperative shock.

Preoperative shock?
l never heard of that.

Well, it's very common
in the bush country.

Excuse me, please. Thank you.

The bush country?

Doctor.

Oh, doctor. Just a moment.

l don't believe we've met.

l'm Dr. Bellows, senior psychiatrist
here at the base.

Oh, yes, of course.
Pardon the glove.

l'm Dr. Rasha Houn.

-Oh, you're new here?
-Yes, yes, you might say that.

They just flew me in
for the operation.

They flew you in to perform
a simple appendectomy?

Yes, that's correct.

Well, doctor, there aren't
any complications...

...that l'm not aware of,
are there?

Yes, there is one complication.

However, l expect to have it
straightened out in a moment or two.

ls it something that you'd like
to tell me about?

No, l don't think so.

Well, then. lf there's anything that
you should need, l'll be around.

l don't think l'll need your help.
Thank you.

l'll have Captain Healey brought back
to the operating room for you.

-Don't bother.
-Don't bother?

No, he needs his rest.

Well, you're the doctor, doctor.

Yes, l am.

l'll reschedule his surgery
for : this afternoon.

l'll see you then.

Strange...

...l could have sworn
we've met before.

Oh, nurse.

Could you tell me where
Captain Healey's room is, please?

Oh, that's .
Right down the hall, doctor.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

-Hi, Roge. How you feeling?
-How do l feel?

How would you feel if a friend
started to operate on you...

...with a scalpel that big?

What do you think l am?

l know what you are.
You're a quack.

Roge, l wasn't gonna
operate on you.

What were you doing with that outfit on
and that scalpel in your hand?

That was Jeannie's idea.

l casually mentioned that
l'd always wanted to be a surgeon...

...and she blinked and,
well, there l was.

You mean, she turned you into
a do-it-yourself Dr. Kildare...

...like that?

Just like that:

Well, what about me? l've heard
of Medicare, but this is ridiculous.

l'm gonna have a long talk with her,
if l ever get my hands on her.

Yes, l think the patient needs
massive doses of medication.

-Nurse, are you listening?
-Yes, master.

Jeannie, what are you
doing here?

l always wanted to be a nurse.

l don't mind you being the nurse, but
l'm not crazy about him as the doctor.

-Did the operation go well, master?
-Well, no.

As a matter of fact,
there wasn't an operation.

Jeannie, do you realize the trouble
you could've gotten me into?

-Oh, what trouble, master?
-What trouble?

Well, for one small thing...

...it's against the law to operate on
someone without a medical certificate.

'' Medical Board of Atlantis?''

They were fine doctors.

Yeah? l have a feeling
you'd have a hard time...

...convincing the American
Medical Association.

l was only trying to please you.

Well, what are you trying
to do to me?

-Roger--
-Keep away from me.

l do not understand
why you are so worried.

lf you'll let Captain Nelson
operate on you...

...l'll give him the skill
of a great surgeon.

l don't mind going
in outer space with him...

...but l don't want him
fooling around with inner space.

-Especially when it's mine.
-He's right, Jeannie.

Just because you blinked me
into a surgeon's outfit...

...doesn't mean l'm a surgeon.

What if l'd said l wanted
to be a violinist?

Do you know '' Melancholy Baby?''

Now, look, Jeannie,
this proves my point.

l have a violin in my hands,
but l don't know how to play.

Listen.

-Hey!
-Hey, you're pretty good.

l've never done anything
like that in my life.

l told you, master.
Now, will you let him operate on you?

Are you kidding?

l wouldn't let him
play the violin for me.

As you wish.

l must go take care
of my other patients.

Say, could you smuggle me
out of here with the laundry?

-No, no. l have a better idea.
-l don't like it.

Well, l haven't told you yet.

Now, here's the idea.
What l'm gonna do--

Oh, doctor.

Oh, yes. Doctor Belos.

-Bellows.
-Yes.

Oh, doctor, you still
have your mask on.

Do l? Oh, yes, l do.

Well, l have
a very bad cold.

l don't want to spread it
around, you understand?

Oh, l see.

Well, Captain Healey...

...l'm afraid this isn't gonna look
very good on your service record.

Getting up off the table
and racing out of the room...

...just because you're afraid
of a simple, little appendectomy.

What kind of an astronaut are you?

An astronaut who's afraid
of a simple, little appendectomy.

l'm sure he will get over this.

Well, he better get over it by : .

Dr. Rasha Houn has been
kind enough to fly in here...

...to perform this operation...

...and he's going to perform it.

-Aren't you, doctor?
-Yes.

Well, of course, l don't
want you to go to any trouble.

-lf Captain Healey is not ready, l--
-Oh, he's ready.

l'll go make
the necessary arrangements.

Now you've done it.

Would you just take it easy.
l got a plan.

Tony, l love you, but l'm not
going to let you operate on me.

Take it easy.
l haven't told you my plan yet.

-Now, here--
-Oh, doctor, l meant to ask you--

Where's Dr. Rasha Houn?

-Oh, he-- He left, sir.
-And l don't think he's coming back.

Oh, he'll be back.

l'm glad you're here,
Captain Nelson.

Perhaps you could talk
to Captain Healey.

He seems a little apprehensive
about the operation.

Captain Healey?
Why, that's hard to believe, sir.

He's one of the bravest men
in the world.

Ask anyone.

Captain Healey has appendicitis.

An appendectomy is gonna be
performed on him at : .

l would like another doctor.

Captain, the Air Force
has gone to the trouble...

...to fly in a great surgeon.

Now, could you ask for
anything more?

Yes, sir. Another doctor.

Captain Healey,
the only one l'm authorizing...

...to perform this operation on you
is Dr. Rasha Houn.

-ls that clear?
-That's clear, sir, but l'd--

Then let's not hear
any more about it.

What's this?

That's-- The doctor--
The doctor left that, sir.

l see.

Yes. l think l see.

l wonder what
he meant by that.

-Who cares?
-l ca--! l care.

lf he gets suspicious and finds out
that l'm Dr. Rasha Houn, l'm dead.

-And if you operate on me, l'm dead.
-Yeah.

-Hello.
-Hello.

You look lonely.

l'm not lonely, but my doll is.

Hey, you, nurse!

Now, look, l don't
want no excuses.

Just tell them l want that money in
by : tomorrow night or else.

You call this food?
lt's a bunch of garbage.

Oh, l'm so sorry.
l will see what l can do.

Hey, now.

lt's about time they send me
a good-looking chick.

Yeah, you make all
the other nurses look like men.

-What's your name, honey?
-No, Jeannie.

Yeah. This is your lucky day.

Come here.

-Do you know who l am?
-No. l'm afraid l do not.

l'm Big Charlie Lookey.

Oh, l am pleased to meet you.

And l'm pleased to meet you.

Please. You must not do this.

Oh, baby, you and me
are gonna get along great.

Just remember, don't ever tell
Big Charlie what to do.

Please stop!

No, l ain't even got started yet.

l will see what l can do
about your dinner.

Bye-bye.

-Are you sure you can swing it?
-There's nothing to it, Roge.

l'll simply tell Dr. Bellows...

...that l got a very important
telephone communication...

...from a patient in London,
and l have to fly there immediately.

He'll have no choice
but to get another doctor.

Tony, you're a genius.

All right. l'll go find Dr. Bellows.
You relax. l'll be right back.

Thank you, doctor.

Come in.

-General Peterson.
-Yes, doctor?

-l'm sorry to disturb you, sir.
-That's all right.

lt's about Captain Nelson.

Again? What's he done this time?

l think he's about to perform
an appendectomy on Captain Healey.

-What?
-Yes, sir.

Why would he do a thing like that?

Oh, l don't know, sir.
l'm only a psychiatrist.

lf my suspicions are correct,
for some unknown reason...

...Captain Nelson is posing
as a Dr. Rasha Houn.

He tried to operate this morning,
and Captain Healey...

... jumped off the operating table
and fled from the room.

l can't say that l blame him.

Can you prove any of this?

l think l can, if you wouldn't
mind coming to the hospital.

You couldn't keep me away.

And if you're wrong, doctor....

Oh don't worry, general.

l promise you this time we're gonna
catch Captain Nelson red-handed.

l'll see you at the hospital, sir.

-Friend or foe?
-Foe.

-Find Dr. Bellows?
-No. No, he's gone.

-Well, that makes two of us.
-Would you just relax, huh?

What's to relax about?

At : , look who's
gonna operate on me.

l am exhausted.

-Being a nurse is very hard work.
-Gee, should be a cinch for you.


All you have to do--
Hey, wait a minute.

What's the matter with me?
l don't have to have that operation.

Roger, you have appendicitis.

l know l have.

But Jeannie could cure that
with a blink, right?

l would be happy to.

Well, that's a wonderful idea.

lt's great. lt's impossible.

-Why?
-Why?

Why, you just heard her say
she could do it.

That's not the point, Roger.
We can't afford a miracle cure.

Your appendicitis disappears by itself,
doctors are gonna ask questions.

-How you gonna answer them?
-l'll think of something.

l'm sorry. l'm sorry.

lt's a very simple operation.
You have to go through with it.

Well, if you're so eager,
why don't you have it?

Because l don't have appendicitis.

Well, since you do not need me,
l will go back to work.

All right, men.

Wait a minute, guys.
What's that?

We're taking you
to the operating room.

Wait a minute. l'm a sick man.
l don't wanna go to the operating room.

All right. Just relax.

Just relax.
Everything's going to be fine.

Put your head down, please.
Thank you.

Doctor. l'll take care
of this, thank you.

Thank you, doctor.

-Tony, would you do me a favour?
-What, what?

Before you operate, could you read
a medical pamphlet?

l'm not gonna let anything
happen to you.

Of course not.

l'm leaving you my chess set,
my little black book....

Stop talking like that.
You're making me nervous.

l'm making you nervous?

Boy, you need four hands
to work in this place.

Would you like four hands?

No, thank you. l'd have
to buy too many gloves.

You're green, aren't you?

No.

Well, there's nothing
to be ashamed of.

We all have to start someplace.

-ls this your first hospital?
-Oh, no.

l worked at
the Babylon Memorial Hospital.

-ln New York?
-No. ln Babylon.

Would you give me one of those
test tubes over there, honey?

Which one would you like?

The one on the--
Oh, thank you very much.

You haven't been here
long enough to know...

...but let me tell you something.
The equipment in this hospital....

Did l bring the wrong test tube?

You stay right there.

You stay right here.
l'll be right back.

-l'll go with you.
-No, no. Stay here.

Have l done something
to offend thee?

No, but you've done
something to offend me.

Now, please,
don't be frightened, miss.

She's an amateur magician.

She's just nursing as a hobby.

So you don't have to worry about this.
l think she's going to give it up.

-What did l do wrong?
-l'll tell you what you did wrong.

You got out of your bottle this morning.

What are you trying to do,
bring hospital down around our ears?

l'm being helpful.
There's a shortage of nurses.

Well, if you really want to be helpful,
blink yourself out and go home.

-The patient in needs a back rub.
-Let him do it himself.

The patient in
asked me to read to her?

No.

The patient in
says that if l would come down--

Out!

Hello. Very nice
seeing you this way.

-ls Jeannie all right?
-Yeah, Jeannie's fine.

The hospital's in trouble.

-Here's my plan.
-Yeah.

l'm gonna take you
to the operating room....

l'll take you to the operating room,
and then sneak out of here.

When Dr. Bellows can't find me,
he'll have no choice...

...but to get another doctor
to operate on you.

Gee, l don't know how to thank you.

lt's wonderful
for you not to operate on me.

Well, maybe someday
you won't operate on me.

Anytime.

Doctor. Thank you.

Thank you for coming, general.

Don't thank me yet, doctor.
You better be right.

l can't believe that Tony Nelson's
involved with anything like this.

You don't have to believe it, sir.

l'm gonna prove it to you.

ln my book, Captain Nelson
is one of the finest astronauts we have.

Don't misunderstand me, general.
l'm not questioning his capabilities.

All l'm saying is that he does
some very peculiar things.

What kind of peculiar things?

Well, today is Saturday.

While most of the other astronauts
are out playing golf...

...Captain Nelson is here
operating on Captain Healey.

Now, doesn't that strike you
as being a little peculiar?

lt doesn't strike me as anything
until you've proved it.

lt'll be a pleasure.

l'll go find Captain Nelson.

l think he's in
Captain Healey's room.

Would you mind staying out of sight
a few minutes, general?

l don't want to scare him off.

l cancelled a meeting
in Washington for this.

You better know
what you're talking about.

Would you mind
getting out of here now?

Sure, sure. l'll come and visit you
when it's all over.

-Bring flowers.
-Yeah, okay.

Doctor?

-Going somewhere?
-Oh, yes, Dr...?

-Bellows.
-Yes, Dr. Bellows.

l was just stepping out
for a breath of fresh air.

l don't think you have time.

They're waiting for you
in the operating room.

Something very important
has come up.

l received a telephone communication
from a patient in London--

-Shall we go, doctor?
-Well, you don't understand.

You see, this patient in London
is very important to my career.

l-- For one thing....

To think, a minute ago l was panicky.
Now l feel like a million dollars.

Bring in the scalpels.

l'll be right back.

Hello, doctor.
l'm Captain Healey, the happy patient.

Oh, no.

Help.

General Peterson.

l'll admit it's taken me a long time,
but it's been worth it.

Let's see you talk
your way out of this one...

...Captain Nelson.

Are you all through now, doctor?

Yes, sir. l mean, no, sir.

Wait a minute.

There he is.

You can explain your behaviour
at a general court-martial.

-Who are you?
-Who do you think l am?

l am Dr. Rasha Houn.

Wonderful, Roge, wonderful.

l told you there'd be nothing to it.

As a matter of fact, l'm gonna have
my appendix out one of these days.

l'll drop in to see you
later on today.

Right. All right. Bye.

Jeannie. Jeannie.

Yes, master.

Oh, hi, Jeannie.

l just talked to Roger.
He's feeling wonderful.

l am so pleased.

The operation was a complete success.
He'll be up and around in days.

l told you. Rasha Houn
is a wonderful surgeon.

Dr. Rasha Houn didn't
perform the operation.

Why not?

His medical certificate
expired about years ago.

They used a staff doctor.

But l've caused you
all this worry for nothing.

Oh, no.

l wouldn't call it for nothing.

When l-- When l remember
the expression on Roger's face...

...when l came at him
with a scalpel....

Oh, boy!

Oh, l am glad
you are not angry, master.

Why should l be angry with you?
You were just trying to help me...

...when l said l wanted
to be a surgeon.

We all have these
childhood dreams, Jeannie.

We get over them.

Did you have a childhood dream
when you were a girl?

Oh, yes, master.

-What was it?
-Oh, it was nothing.

No, no. Tell me.

Well, you will think it's silly.

No. No, l wouldn't.

-l will go fix your breakfast.
-Jeannie.

l really want to know.

Well....

lf that is what you really wish.

No, Jeannie.
Really, what is it?

Lie back and relax, master.

Jeannie. No.

Jeannie, no.
Don't operate. No!
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