01x24 - The Permanent House Guest

Episode transcripts for the TV show "I Dream of Jeannie". Aired: September 18, 1965 – May 26, 1970.*
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Rescued from a bottle by a U.S. astronaut, a scantily clad genie named Jeannie becomes his sl*ve and eventually falls in love with him.
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01x24 - The Permanent House Guest

Post by bunniefuu »

Jeannie.

Jeannie,
would you come out, please?

l'd like my breakfast.

Yes, master, one egg
and two slices of bacon.

That's right.

What's the matter?

Nothing.

Now, come on.
Something's on your mind. What is it?

Well....

lf you must know,
l am being wasted.

Anyone can make you one egg
and two slices of bacon.

lf you would only permit me,
l could do such big things for you.

l could give you castles
and gold and--

One egg, two slices of bacon,
not too crisp, please.

l gave my last master
a fleet of ships.

And a cup of coffee.

Why do you not let me help you?

Jeannie, l really don't
need a fleet of ships.

But if l do, believe me,
you'll be the first to know.

Perhaps a villa on the Nile?

Really, l'm very happy
with the house.

lt's very comfortable.
Just breakfast, please.

Major Healey loved the yacht
l gave him.

Yeah. Look at the trouble
he got into.

There is a wonderful diamond mine
in Africa l could get you.

Jeannie,
l don't need a diamond mine.

l get a salary from the Air Force,
very adequate.

And l must say, l earn my salary.
See, that's the point.

-l like to do things for myself.
-l will be a laughingstock.

A genie who can only bring
her master bacon and eggs.

Well, look at it this way:
who's to know?

Master, wish for one big thing.

Jeannie, l don't need anything. l--

lt would make me so happy.

You do not even have to say it aloud.
Just think it.

But l don't want anything.
Really.

Please?

Come on, now, the biggest thing
you can think of.

-Ready?
-Yeah.

What are you going
to do with that?

Yeah....

lt was the biggest thing
l could think of.

Major Nelson?

lt's Dr. Bellows.
Get out of here, please.

-And take him with you.
-l will leave.

-You may keep the elephant.
-But wait--

Oh, there you are,
Major Nelson.

Hi, there.

l can't wait
to hear your explanation...

...of what you're doing
with an elephant in your bedroom.

l'm glad you asked that, sir.

A friend of mine left him here?

And my next question
is going to be:

Why?

Well, it's a very valuable animal, sir.

l mean, you just can't leave
an elephant anywhere.

My friend takes him on safaris
in Africa with him.

He insists
that he stay indoors, sir.

You know how it is with animals.

Major, l want you to wait
right here.

Do you understand?

Right here.

Jeannie.

Very funny.

Jeannie.

Are you satisfied?

Well, it was you who wished
for the elephant.

Would you mind getting rid
of him?

lf you wish.

-What's this?
-l did not know, master.

-Were you thinking about a poodle?
-Yeah, l guess l was.

When l was a kid,
l had a little poodle called Tiger.

Hi there, Tiger. Hi there.

An elephant in his bedroom?

General Peterson,
l saw it with my own eyes.

His name is Tiger.

Doctor, what would
an elephant be doing...

...in Major Nelson's bedroom?

With Major Nelson,
anything is possible.

l repeat, general, anything.

You have no idea what l've been
going through with him, sir.

But now l think we finally got
his psyche pinned to the mat.

He'll never talk
his way out of this one.

lf this is another one
of your wild goose chases--

Wild elephant chase, sir.

We're going on the biggest
safari of them all:

Bagging Major Nelson.

Dr. Bellows. General Peterson.

Sorry to barge in on you
like this, Tony.

This will only take a minute, major.

He's in the bedroom, general.

Under the bed?

He was standing right there.
l swear he was.

This big.

-Tony.
-Yes.

Did you have an elephant
in your bedroom?

Did l have an elephant
in my bedroom?

You're not gonna get
out of this one, major.

-You called him Tiger.
-Tiger. Tiger.

Oh, Tiger.

Yes. Now do you recall?

Yes. Oh, yes, sir.

Here we are.

Here's Tiger.
He's a cute little fellow, huh?

That's Tiger?

So we're going on a safari
to hunt wild elephants, are we?

Doctor, l want you
in my office in minutes.

And be prepared to spend
the afternoon with me.

-Yes, sir.
-l'm sorry to have bothered you, Tony.

That's quite all right, sir.
No bother at all.

lt won't happen again.

You haven't heard
the last of this.

You haven't heard
the last of this, major.

General.

Jeannie.

You see? l can help you.

How did l get in this spot
in the first place?

l feel sorry for Dr. Bellows.
He's a very nice man.

Well, l'd feel sorry for him too,
except for one thing:

lf he ever finds out about you...

...l'll get thrown out
of the space program.

Could you not explain to him...

...that you found me
in a bottle on the beach?

Sure, that's--
Of course. Of course.

And when l'm finished
explaining it to him...

...he'll have me locked up.

They're back.

-Hi.
-Hi, Tony.

lt's only you.

Boy, you sure know how to make
a fella feel welcome.

Hello, Captain Healey.

Hi, Jeannie. How's tricks?

l have not had much time
to practice them.

Well, you should've picked me
for your master.

l'd keep you working
hours a day.

l am very pleased
with the master l have. Thank you.

Well, if you should change
your mind...

...remember, l pay overtime.

Hey, what's that?

-That's Tiger.
-Hi, Tiger.

Didn't l see Dr. Bellows
and General Peterson leave here?

Yeah, yeah. Dr. Bellows
is seeing elephants.

That's the psychiatry game for you.
Well, we better be moving along.

They're running some films
of yours on your space walk.

Some big brass
is coming down from Washington...

-...and they'd like us to be there.
-Yeah, okay.

l'll be home for dinner.

l shall fix something special,
master.

When you're through,
maybe you could mix me up...

...a little something.
Maybe hors d'oeuvres?

And what do you wish for,
little Tiger?

There you go.

There's Major Nelson ready
to step off into space.

There he goes.

Major Healey,
when you were at the controls...

...and Major Nelson left the ship...

...did you notice any difference
in the handling of the controls?

Well, when he stepped out,
the ship yawed a bit...

...but it was easy to correct.

Major Nelson,
did you have any problem...

...adjusting to floating in space,
as opposed to floating in the capsule?

Well, l suppose there was a difference
psychologically, sir.

lnside the capsule,
you have a feeling of security...

...and outside, you wonder
whether you're gonna float away.

l must say,
it was an exhilarating feeling.

lt must have been.
l really envy you, major.

l can arrange for you to go
along on one of our moon sh*ts.

That's very kind of you, general...

...but l'm really swamped
with work right here.

Well, if you gentlemen
will come back to my office...

...l'll show you the new
correlation charts...

...we have on the moon probe.

Roge? All right.

-Major Nelson.
-Yes, sir.

-How's Tiger?
-Tiger?

Fine. Just fine.

Say hello to him for me,
won't you?

Yes.

Your dinner is ready, master.

Okay, l'll be with you
in just a minute.

Soon as l finish
these correlations.

Well, how about that.

Say, what are you all dressed up for?
l thought we were eating at home.

Oh, yes.

But l thought it might be nice
if we dressed for it.

-You look handsome, master.
-Thanks.

You would look wonderful
on the deck of your own yacht.

Jeannie, we've been through all this,
no yacht.

l don't know how l'm gonna make
you understand.

l don't want anything else in the world,
except to be an astronaut.

Now why don't you just forget it, and
we'll go down and enjoy your dinner.

-lf you say so, master.
-That's what l wish.

You should see what l made for you.

-l have a wonderful--
-No, no. Don't tell me.

-l want it to be a surprise.
-All right.

l can't get over that.
You just look wonderful.

lt's probably Roger.
He's crazy about your cooking.

-Dr. Bellows.
-Major.

This is-- An unexpected pleasure.

-ls it?
-Yes.

-Were you going out?
-Going out, sir?


No, l was just having
a little dinner here alone.

-ln a dinner jacket?
-A dinner jacket?

Well, it's an old habit.
lt makes the food taste better.

-Are you going somewhere, sir?
-Yes, you might say that.

l'm taking a trip
that's long overdue.

Good, good.

l mean, have a good time, sir.
Drop me a line if you get a chance.

l expect to have the most
interesting time of my life.

Good.
May l ask where you're going?

lndeed you may, major.

Did you say
you were dining alone?

-The table is set for two.
-Two?

You never know when
a friend will drop in, do you?

Well, thanks for dropping in
to say goodbye, sir.

l haven't come to say goodbye.

-You haven't?
-No, major.

As a matter of fact, you might say
that l've come to say hello.

l'm moving in with you.

This is really
a bachelor's place, sir.

l don't know how comfortable
l can make you.

The couch will be fine.
l'm not here to be comfortable.

Well, why are you here, sir?

Because General Peterson
thinks l'm losing my mind.

But l'm gonna prove to him
that l'm normal.

Shall we go in to dinner?

-ls that pheasant under glass?
-Probably.

Truffles.

Rack of lamb.
Stuffed artichokes.

-Who cooked this, major?
-We have a frozen-food market just--

lt's my housekeeper.

You have a housekeeper?

Well, you don't think
that l cooked this. Well, no, sir.

No, no, no.
Patricia is a marvellous cook.

But she doesn't like anyone
in her kitchen, sir.

Patricia is very--

Patricia, your housekeeper?

Pedro, my houseboy.

Pedro...

...this is Dr. Bellows.

-Hello, Dr. Bellows.
-Hello, Pedro.

l was just complimenting Major Nelson
on how marvellous the food looks.

Yes, well, l think we ought to
go in and eat, sir--

Tell me,
where are you from, Pedro?

l was born in Paris.

Paris?

That's why l'm so very good cook.

Yeah, we really ought
to start eating, sir.

How long have you worked
for Major Nelson?

-He just started--
-One year.

He just started a year ago.
l think we ought to eat now.

-ls he gonna stay for dinner?
-Pedro...

...he's not only staying for dinner.
He's moved in with me.

Pedro.

Now, Pedro--

l told you, Pedro doesn't like anybody
in his kitchen, sir.

He may be a marvellous cook,
major, but he's dangerous.

l'd get rid of him if l were you.

Believe me, sir,
you've no idea how l've tried.

Coming, coming, coming.

Tony.

ls--? ls anything wrong?

l just acquired
a permanent houseguest.

-Three guesses.
-Suzanne?

Dr. Alfred Bellows.

-You're kidding.
-What are we going to do?

What are we going to do?
What are you--? lt's your houseguest.

How did he happen to
move in with you, anyway?

Well, he didn't happen
to move in.

He moved in because
he's suspicious.

There's nothing worse than
a suspicious head shrinker.

-l need your help.
-Wait a minute, don't give him to me.

l'm not giving you him.
l'm giving you Jeannie.

You are?

Well, l'll drink to that.

Just until l get rid of Dr. Bellows.

Remember,
it's only for the duration.

What do you think l am?

l know what you are.
l'm taking a chance, anyway.

Fire.

Fire!

Fire!

Fire!

Fire!

l got it! l got it!

-What's going on?
-l don't know, but whatever it is...

...l think we've gotten
to the bottom of it. lt was a bottle.

-A bottle? What kind of a bottle?
-l trailed the bottle over--

Well, it's not a total loss.

-You better get some rest, sir.
-l don't understand it.

l-- l must have had a nightmare.
lt was so real.

Yes. These things happen.

Yes. l'll-- l'll buy
you a new lamp, of course.

Oh, no.
You don't have to bother, sir.

lt was an antique.

Sir, could we get some sleep now?

l have an awful rough day tomorrow.

Yes. Yes, of course.
l'm-- l'm terribly sorry.

l--

-My nerves seem to be on edge.
-Yeah.

When l was a-- A small boy...

...my mother loved my younger brother
more than she loved me. l--

l didn't think l minded it
at the time...

...but then as years went by,
l began to resent it.

l didn't actually hate my brother...

...but l found myself working out
ways to do away with him.

-What is it? What is it?
-The lndians.

-lndians are coming!
-lndians?

Listen, they're closing in.

Doctor, you've got to pull
yourself together.

l am together.

l heard these footsteps.
Then this train was coming.

Then someone was breathing
in my ear. Then this lion roared.

-Lion roared?
-Yes.

That was just before
the b*mb started falling.

-The b*mb started falling?
-Yes. And then--

Then the tom-toms started.
They were on the warpath...

...yelling and screaming.
lt was a nightmare.

Yeah, doctor, that's exactly
what it was, a nightmare.

-Now, you must get some sleep.
-Sleep?

l wouldn't sleep in this house
again if my life depended on it.

-You wouldn't?
-lf you'll take my advice...

...you'll get out of here yourself.
ln my opinion, this house is haunted.

You don't believe in ghosts,
do you, sir?

Well, l didn't yesterday,
but l do today.

Doctor,
aren't you gonna get dressed?

There's no time.

They may be gathering
for another att*ck.

Well....

-He's gone, master.
-Yes, l know.

Oh, Jeannie, you're marvellous.

l can't tell you how great
it is to be alone again.

Morning.

-Hi, Roge.
-Good morning, Major Healey.

-Just call me master.
-Master?

Well, temporarily, of course.

Well, look, since l'll be
taking over for a while...

...l made out a little list of
some of the things l'll need--

-There's been a change in plans.
-First, l'd like some ski equipment...

...nothing elaborate.
About outfits. And l'd like--

Jeannie won't be
staying with you, Roge.

Maybe someplace in the mountains
with about rooms...

-...with a cute maid.
-Roger, l'm keeping Jeannie.

-What?
-l'm keeping Jeannie.

Dr. Bellows left.
Everything is all right.

What do you mean
everything's all right?

l just lost a -room chalet,
a -piece ski outfit and a cute maid.

All right.

Jeannie,
could you give him the maid?

Certainly, master.

You mean you're gonna--?
Oh, what a pal.

l'm Agnes.

Don't work on Sundays,
and l take holidays off.

l don't do no heavy cleaning,
and l cook only twice a week.

The food's simple. lf you like it fancy,
you can just go to a restaurant.

Besides that,
l want two television sets.

One for the bedroom
and one for the kitchen.
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