01x27 - My Master, the Thief

[bunniefuu]

Jeannie, would you like
part of the paper?

Oh, master.

Oh, thank you, master.

The newspapers remind me
of the old days.

-The old days? Really?
-Two thousand years ago.

Nothing but floods,
wars and juvenile delinquency.

-Master! Oh, look, look!
-What?

The museum is having
an exhibit from Bukistan.

-How about that?
-Master, l used to live in Bukistan.

-Oh, please take me.
-What, to Bukistan?

No. To the museum.

Well, l'm not really
very much for museums.

And besides, l'm not even dressed.

When l opened my mouth,
l knew l shouldn't have said it.

-Shall we go, master?
-You've talked me into it.

Oh, this is it.

l'm so excited.
l could spend days here.

Well, l can only give you
minutes.

l've got to be back at the base.

-Master, look at that sword.
-Yeah.

Oh, they do not make them
like that anymore.

Yeah, l hope not.

Look at that sword.

-My slippers!
-What's the matter with your slippers?

Oh, no, no, no, master.
Those slippers in the case.

They are mine.

Those are my favourite slippers.

No, no. How could they be
your slippers, Jeannie?

They belonged to a
Princess Muphista, whoever she was.

l know who she was.
She was a fat thief.

And l want my slippers back.

Would you mind lowering your voice?
These people are staring.

But they are mine.

Well, slippers are slippers.
They probably just look like yours.

Oh, no, master.

You see there,
where the tassel is missing?

That happened when
the caliph and l danced...

...and he stepped on my foot.

And come on. Come on over here.

-See that broken place near the heel?
-Yeah.

Well, that happened
when l became angry...

...and l threw the slipper
at the princess.

Oh, believe me, master.

l would know
those slippers anywhere.

And l must have them back.

No, no, no, Jeannie. You mustn't.

They don't belong to you anymore.
They're on loan from Bukistan.

How can the Bukistan government
loan what belongs to me?

Jeannie, that's just the point.

You see, they don't
belong to you anymore.

l'm sorry. l'm terribly sorry.

Come on. Nice museum.
Wonderful exhibit.

You are right, master.

Why make a fuss about a pair of
-year-old slippers anyway?

Yeah.

-Good morning, Major Nelson.
-Oh, hello, Alice.

You never call me anymore.

Well, l'm sorry.

l'm engaged in
a little experimental work.

Experimenting, huh? See you later.

A robbery by someone in this base?
That's hard to believe.

Nothing shocks a psychiatrist.
Hello, major.

Tony, have you heard
about the big robbery?

No, but if it's somebody here,
l hope they catch him.

-Oh, we'll catch him, all right.
-What was stolen, sir?

Some joker broke into
the museum...

...and stole a valuable pair
of old slippers that were on exhibit.

-Old slippers, huh?
-Yes.

They were years old,
and priceless.

The museum guard says
that an officer left...

...just before the slippers
were discovered missing.

He's sure he can identify him.

-lsn't that a lucky break?
-Oh, yeah, yeah. Very lucky.

We have a list of the officers who were
off duty at the time of the robbery.

We're gonna check that list out
very carefully.

-By tonight, he'll probably be in prison.
-Probably.

l can tell you right now
who the thief is.

-Oh, you can, sir?
-Yes, l certainly can.

The man we're looking for...

...is a psychopath.

-Psychopath?
-Really--? A psychopath, sir?

With a fetish for women's shoes.

A fet-- How do you know that, sir?

There were things
much more valuable...

...and yet the thief took
only the slippers.

l know this sounds far-fetched,
but couldn't it be possible...

...the thief was trying to
reclaim his rightful property?

Oh, come now, Major Nelson.

A pair of -year-old slippers?
No, no, no.

The man we're looking for is
desperate, cunning and ingenious.

And we're going to find him.

Oh, yeah.

Well, if there's anything l can do
to help, sir, why, just let me know.

After all, they're just slippers.
ls this worth all the fuss over it?

No, it might be only a pair of
slippers to you, Major Nelson...

...but to the Bukistanian government,
it's a national insult.

-An insult.
-l've just been with General Peterson.

The Bukistanian ambassador
has lodged a formal protest...

...and informed
the State Department...

...that unless those slippers are
returned within the next hours...

...they're going to
consider this theft...

...a deliberate affront
to their government.

You know something, sir,
l don't blame them.

What are you, some kind of
expert in international affairs?

Excuse me, sir,
l've got some work to do.

What did l say?

Jeannie! Jeannie!

Young lady, l wanna have
a little talk to you.

Are they not beautiful, master?
And they fit perfectly.

l was afraid that my feet might
have grown in years.

Do you know what
you've done to me?

l have done nothing to you, master.

You've done nothing to--?

lf you don't give those back,
l'll go to jail...

...the U.S. is gonna
go to w*r with Bukistan.

But they belong to me, master.

Jeannie, you are missing the point.

That exhibition was on loan.

The United States government was
responsible for those slippers.

And they took good care
of these for me. l'm grateful.

But would you not think
they would at least...

...have put the tassel
back on, master?

You're not listening to me.

l want those slippers
back in a glass case.

As you wish, master.

Aren't they lovely?

Not-- Not there.
l want them in a museum.

Jeannie, you're gonna return
those slippers now.

l like it when
you are forceful, master.

Sometimes you have to be.

l would do anything
to make you happy, master.

-That's my girl.
-Except return these slippers.

Now, wait a minute. Listen, l--

l cannot tell you
how much l love them.

l must buy something
to go with them.

How about the pyramids?

That is a wonderful idea!

No, no, no. l take it back.

Look, l'll tell you what l'll do.

lf you give me those slippers...

...l'll buy you a dozen pair
just like it, huh?

No, master. l will keep these.

l'll.... l'll let you
drive the car, Jeannie.

You love that, huh? Huh?

No, master.

Well, l'll-- l'll take you dancing.

How about that, huh?

No, master.
l will keep these slippers.

This time, Jeannie, l'm afraid
l'm going to have to insist.

Jeannie, you cut that out!
Come on, cut it out!

-Oh, you.
-Jeannie!

Now, come on.

Jeannie, you come
out of there.

Now, l mean it.

Jeannie, this is
your master speaking.

Can you hear me?
l'm gonna count to three.

One, two, th--

Has Dr. Bellows called you yet?

No. Why should he call me?

You know those men
he was talking about?

Dr. Bellows asked the museum guard
to come look at some of the men...

...and they've got the list
down to three men.

Tony, what would you want
with a pair of old slippers?

l mean, it goes terrible
with your uniform.

Roger.

Well, l mean, l'm just saying that--
Jeannie?

That's right.
The slippers are Jeannie's.

She ran across them
at the museum.

Tell her to give them back.
She's supposed to obey you.

l know she's supposed to obey me...

...but she doesn't know that.

l made a big mistake when l found her.
l said she was free.

Why couldn't l have picked up
an everyday, normal male genie?

Well, what are you gonna do?

l'm-- l'm gonna
let her keep the slippers.

-You're what?
-Yeah, yeah.

Sure, sure. Why not?

l'm gonna let her keep them.
They're hers.

They belong to her.
She should keep them.

-After all, what's fair is fair, right?
-Fair is fair. What's fair is fair.

'' l am going to trick--''

Roger, l have a lot
to do right now.

We all got a lot to do. Right?

Sure. Listen, if anybody calls,
don't answer, right?

-Thanks a lot.
-Nice talking to you.

Jeannie, you can come out now.

Oh, thank you, master,
but l'm very comfortable in here.

Well, l-- l'll just make
an early night of it.

l'll get a little sleep.

-Good night, Jeannie.
-Good night, master.

Well, good morning, Rififi.

How's the international
slipper thief?

Well, l'll tell you how l am.

lf l don't get those slippers back,
l'm gonna start a w*r with Bukistan.

-l thought you were gonna trick her.
-l tried. lt didn't work.

l tried to get her out of the bottle.
She wouldn't budge.

What's she being
so unreasonable about?

She's not, really. When you come
down to it, they are her slippers.

l feel like a heel trying
to get them.

You've got an interesting choice.
You can be a live heel or a dead hero.

lf Bellows can prove
you're mixed up in this...

...he'll nail you to his wall
as a trophy.

l'm not really worried
about Dr. Bellows.

You see--

Yes?

Oh, hello, Dr. Bellows.

Can l come over to
your office right away?

No. l mean, l can as soon as
l finish the job l'm in the middle of.

Well, it--
lt shouldn't take too long, sir.

At least l hope not.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. l'll be over.

l have an uncle
in the insurance business.

lf you'd like a letter
of recommendation, why, l--

lf l can get those slippers back
before my meeting with Bellows...

...they'll be so happy,
they won't care who stole them.

Hello. Oh, hello. Jeannie?

Hello, master. Did you sleep well?

Oh, yes, I did. And--? And you?

Oh, l slept very well, thank you.

Jeannie, l've been thinking.

l-- l really think
you ought to keep the slippers.

-You do?
-Of course. After all, they're yours.

Thank you, master.

And to celebrate, l'm gonna
take you and Roger to lunch.

Oh, l will enjoy that.

Roger always wanted to go
to Maxim's in Paris.

l did? l did. Oh, yeah.

l love French food.

Of course, when l first tried it,
France was called Gaul.

Can you imagine
going into a restaurant...

...and asking for
some Gaul-fried potatoes?

Jeannie, naturally we couldn't
take you out dressed like that.

Oh, well, that is no problem.

Hey, hey!

Does this look better, master?

-Very nice.
-That's wonderful, Jeannie.

You know, l don't think the slippers
go with that outfit, though.

l like the slippers with the outfit.

Why don't you
change your shoes...

...and you can leave your slippers
here in my drawer?

For safekeeping.

Well, if you are sure that
nothing will happen to them.

Well, what could possibly
happen to them in my office?

Very well then.

Are these better, master?

Oh, those are beautiful.
Aren't they, Roge?

Yeah.

Thank you.

Thank-- Thank you.

Well, that's taken care of.

-Listen, l'm starved. Can we go now?
-Boy, so am l.

-Hungry.
-Overseas operator.

Why are you calling
the overseas operator?

l'm calling Maxim's to make
a reservation. You just can't walk in.

That will not be necessary, master.

l can make a reservation.

-How?
-l will go there and make it.

-l don't wanna put you to any trouble.
-lt is no trouble, master.

-l will not be gone long.
-Well--

Boy, this is the greatest idea
you've ever had.

l've never been
to Maxim's before.

l'm hungry too.
What are you doing?

l'm gonna take these
back to that museum.

We're not going to Maxim's?

Roger, get with it, will you?

l never thought l'd see these again.

And we've gotta work fast.

We've gotta work fast?

l've gotta do it before
my meeting with Dr. Bellows.

Since we're not going to Maxim's,
can we get a cheeseburger?

He's got the stolen slippers
in a shoebox.

-That's right, general.
-l don't believe it.

l saw it myself.

lf you'll come to his office
right now, you'll catch him.

Doctor, if you're
wasting my time again--

General, if l'm wasting your time,
l'll eat the shoebox.

Let's go.

How are we gonna get them
back into the museum?

l don't know.
We gotta find a way in minutes.

-Wait, wait, wait.
-l caught you!

-How was Maxim's?
-Maxim's is not open for lunch.

You lied to me.

l'm going to turn you
into a three-headed toad.

Don't do anything
you're gonna be sorry for.

l've never seen
a three-headed toad before.

Jeannie, l'm sorry l lied to you.
l was desperate.

Are you gonna turn him
into a three-headed toad?

Roger, will you stay out of this?

l'm warning you, doctor.
This is the last time.

Jeannie!

There it is, general.

Well, l guess l better
be running along.

-You stay right here.
-Right here, sir.

What have you got in the box?

The box, sir? The box. Oh, yes.

That shoebox.

Now, l wonder what could be
in a shoebox?

Shoes, perhaps?

Stolen shoes, perhaps?

l've waited a long time for this,
Major Nelson.

l have no intention of gloating.

l'm simply going to use this
as the basis...

...of getting to the bottom of
a lot of things that need explaining.

Open the box, major.

Well, l'd really rather not, sir.

l have some kind of
personal things in there.

l hate to insist, Tony,
but since Dr. Bellows...

...has made this accusation,
l'm afraid l'll have to.

Well, really, there's no need to, sir.

See, l can explain what's in it.
l have this friend--

l'll open it myself.

lt's a lobster.

Well, yes, of course it's a lobster, sir.
l love lobster.

Doctor?

Yes, general.

Jeannie.

Hey, hey, what's going on?
What are you doing?

l am leaving, master.

l will not stay in a den of thieves.

A den of thieves?
Look who's talking.

Now, all right, all right.
l'll take you to Maxim's.

And you can keep
your slippers on.

Oh, master, l did not care that
you did not take me to Maxim's.

lt just hurt me
that you lied to me.

l'm sorry. l didn't mean to hurt you.

Let's forget about
the whole thing, all right?

-Do you mean that?
-Yeah, l really do.

All right?

All right.

Why don't you unpack
your suitcases now, huh?

Oh, that will not
be necessary, master.

The suitcases are empty.

Yeah. Yeah. That figures.

Hello. Major Nelson here.

Oh, yes, Dr. Bellows.

You have the museum guard
with you there?

And you want me to
come over right away. Well--

lt's a little late, sir--

Yes, sir, l'll be right over.

l've gotta go over
to Dr. Bellows' office.

-About my slippers?
-Yeah, yeah.

But don't worry. l'll work it out.

Well, very well, master.

l will get dressed, and when you
come back, we will go out to dinner.

l may be a little delayed.

How long?

l'd rather not think about that.

Tony, you've gotta
get out of town.

Bellows has the museum guard
in his office now.

Yeah, yeah, l know.
l'm on my way over there right now.

Well, l will go take my shower.

Shower?

You can't go there.
That's impossible. They'll identify you.

l know. But if l don't go, Dr. Bellows
will send the t*nk corps after me.

Did you see the expression on his face
when he ate that shoebox?

Roger, this time he's got me.

That's too bad.
You put up a good fight.

Thanks.

Oh, don't forget about my uncle.

-Your uncle?
-The insurance business.

Jeannie, l'm leaving now.

l'll be back as soon
as l finish with Dr. Bellows.

Can you hear me?

-Where are we going?
-l need your help.

-Come on!
-Wait a minute. Wait a minute!

Roger, the keys.

-Give me the keys.
-l got the keys.

Give them to me.

Here's the shoes.

Come on, come on, come on.

-Major.
-Oh, l'm sorry l'm late, sir.

Well, it.... lt doesn't matter.

l don't need you any longer.

-You don't need me any longer?
-No.

The thief broke into the museum
again and returned the slippers.

-No.
-Yes.

The criminal mind
is an amazing thing, isn't it?

Major, someday...

...not today and perhaps
not tomorrow...

...but someday....

Master.

Hello, Jeannie.

Jeannie, you're gonna hate me
for this, but l had to do it.

l had to return your slippers.

Now, they're in the museum
where they belong.

And l want you to promise me that
they'll stay exactly where they are.

Well, if that is
what you wish, master.

Believe me, if you knew
all the trouble l went through...

...to put those things back,
that's exactly what l wish.

Very well, master.