04x20 - Peggy Made a Little Lamb

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

Bud, what do
you think?

Will this look good
for my graduation
picture?

I don't know, Kel.

If you really
want people to
remember you,

you might want to
try this.

Now...we'll just add
a few fingerprints,

and voilà.

Every man's memory.

Mom...

I want to look
really good

for my graduation
pictures.

Can I get a tattoo?

Kelly...honey, we had this
tattoo talk when you were 8.

No tattoos
above the waist

for any member
of this family,
young lady.

Can't we learn
from Grandma's
mistakes?

Stuck at her age with
"love" and "hate"

tattooed
on her breasts.

I mean, don't you think
she feels silly now

with those verbs
bouncing against
her knees?

I'm sorry.
I forgot.

How about
a nose ring?

Oh. Honey,
let me show you

what a yearbook picture
should look like.

Now look what
you've done.

We have to look through
the old folks' book again.

The worst part
is when she sighs
when she opens it.

[SIGHS]

Oh, Bonnie Malone.

Now, here is
a perfect example

of what not to do
in a high school
yearbook.

Huh. Pose with your baby.
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.

Who's
the hunk?

That's your father.

What's that
on his face?

A smile.

Wow. Wow.

Daddy had hair.

And look:
shoulders.

Up here.

Let's see
your picture,
Mom.

Oh, okay.

Oh...

Ohh, mom.
Oh, you were

so pretty, Mom.

Wow.
What happened?

It's been


Oh, look at this.

My high school diploma.
Still sealed.

Boy, I must have just stuck it
in here and forgot all about it.

Now, Kelly...I want you
to look at this.

Because one day you'll have
a beautiful diploma

just like this, that reads...

"Report
for summer school.

"You must complete


before you qualify
for a diploma."

Family, the greatest
thing happened.

The cash register at the store
closed out 20 cents over.

Guess whose pocket
that went into?

Quite a genetic
sandwich, eh, Kel?

Mmm.

Hey, the old
high school yearbook.

Seems like just the other day
your mother and I graduated.

[CHUCKLING]

Shh!

And soon my little
Pumpkin will graduate.

And next year, Bud.

Bud will go off
to college one day.

You're gonna be
the smartest Bundy yet, son.

So I guess I'll be
the second-smartest.

Of course,
Peg will be third.

Kelly...well...

No. Uh-uh.
Not me.

I'm third.

It may take me
five or six years,

but at least
I'm gonna graduate.

What do you mean,
Kelly?

AL:
Family TV hour,
Buck!

Now, let's see
what's on TV.

Hey, here's a good
show for you, Peg.

"Goober.

[DRAWS OUT WORDS]
Goo-ber goes
to town."

Go ahead, Peg.
You try to
read the rest.

[LAUGHING]

How about
this one?

How about
some math,
Mom?

How many fingers
am I holding up?

[LAUGHING]

Yeah, yeah, mom.
Answer this one.

Oh, well,
it doesn't
matter.

At least, I'm not
the stupidest.

Kids, come with me.

I want to show you
something.

It's the only one
of its kind
in the house.

My high school
diploma.

[IN UNISON]
Ooh.

Kelly, pretty soon
you'll have one.

Then, Bud,
you'll have one.

And then, well,
that's all.

[LAUGHING]

Oh, wait a minute.
That's not fair.

Buck graduated
obedience school.

See. Here's
his diploma.

So see, Peg,

you're, kind of,
fifth-smartest.

[LAUGHING]

I am not dumber
than the dog.

Oh, yeah?

Well, let's just
see about that.

Buck, get off
the couch.

When was the last time
you did that, Peg?

[LAUGHING]

That was good,
Dad.

That's a good one,
Dad.

Okay, look kids,
I'm gonna go to the store

and get some dinner.

Hey, I know.
How about alphabet soup?

That way you can eat
and learn.

[LAUGHS]

All right,
that does it.

I'm gonna find out
just why I didn't graduate here.

You know, Margie thinks
she's so cool

because her mom has
a plate in her head.

I cannot wait to see
her face when we tell her

our mom's a dropout.
Yeah.

Okay...I see the problem.

It seems that I failed

one stupid, useless class
my senior year.

What did you fail,
Mom?

Home Economics.

Gee...what a shock.

Are you gonna
make up the class, Mom?

Are you kidding?
I can't spare the time.

The Battle ofThe Luckiest
Men Alive is on TV this week.

This week, Gavin MacLeod
squares off with Joe Piscopo.

Peg, I want to introduce you
to someone who proves

you don't need a high school
diploma to be important.

Sir?

Change?

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

All right,
everybody,
be seated.

Today we will review
for our final exam.

But first, I would like to say
that it has been a delight

to see you change
from innocent freshmen

to the leaders of tomorrow.

Will someone please
wake up Miss Bundy?

The dog ate
my homework.

Miss Bundy, why can't you
be more like Ruben?

Well...we both
like boys.

Class...today a new student
will be joining us.

Because of her
life experience,

she will only have
to take the final.

No, it couldn't be.

Of all the Home Ec classes in
all the schools

in all the world...

she has to walk
into mine.

Hi, everybody.
Am I late?

Yeah,
about 20 years.

[LAUGHING]

TEACHER:
Please take a seat,
Miss w*nk*r.

Move it
or lose it,
girlie.

All right, class...

today we will be
discussing...

[SNIFFING]

Who is smoking?

Hey, Kelly...are you up
for vandalizing

the graveyard
tonight?

No, Susan, that
would be wrong.

And now,
let's just bone up a bit

before our final exam
assignments.

How would one prepare...
cinnamon toast?

Then, voilà...
we garnish and serve.

Ah...

[CLAPS]

That was
magnificent.

Thank you.

Now is the time

for each of you to take
one assignment card

from my Home Ec
bag o' challenges.

If someone would please
wake up Miss Bundy

and Miss w*nk*r.

[BOTH]
The dog ate
my homework!

Anyhow...written
on every card

is the name of a dish that
you must prepare tonight

and turn in for
your final grade tomorrow.

And then later that day,
my cats and I will eat it all.

Okay...line up and pull.

"Sliced peaches."

"Carrot sticks."

"Cinnamon toast."
Oh.

"Jell-O"?

Oh, no.

Well...this isn't
very hard. Ha-ha-ha.

"Crowned
rack of lamb"?

"Add hot water."

Oh, great.

Where am I going to
get hot water
this time of night?

Honey, I don't know.

Just use cold. It comes
right out of the faucet.

"Crowned
rack of lamb."

Gee, it looks nothing
like the picture.

Yeah, neither
does mine. Look.

I need a break.

[SIGHS]

Hi, Buck.

"Dumber than
the dog." Ha.

Let's see... What channel
is Wheel of Fortune on?

BUCK:
[SIGHS]

It's 7.

Just like yesterday
and the day before.

Oh, it's 7.

I thought it was 7.

Yeah, right.

[SIGHS]

Anything
for dinner, Peg?

Get a wife.

Ah, what a day.

It was Born Before 1900 Day
at the shoe store.

There were some feet
that were so wrinkled,

you could've made
a third foot out of them.

I truly, truly
want to die.

But at least I have
a high school diploma.

You staying up, Peg?

Yes.

No reason
for me to, then.

Good night.

Peggy...there I was,

alone in my bedroom,
in my nightgown.

I had just put in
a videocassette and was
really ready to...

do my taxes...

when I noticed
an insect

pressed against
my bedroom window.

Perhaps you might
be able to identify it.

Now...I want
an apology.

Relax, babe.

You're a woman,
I'm a man.

If you didn't
want me up there,

you wouldn't have had
the ladder in the garage.

Peggy.

Bud, you must be
punished.

No school for you
tomorrow, young man.

PEGGY:
He'll learn.

He'll learn.

Well, I didn't mean to get him
in this much trouble.

Well, I guess I'll just go back
and try to get in the mood to...

do my taxes.

Oh, Marcy...
wait a minute.

We need your help.

Kelly and I need
some cooking tips.

Yeah, I'm in a lot of trouble,
Mrs. Rhoades.

I have to cook Jell-O.
It's for Home Ec class.

Home Ec?

I remember
Home Ec.

Oh, no.

What door have we opened?

It was my favorite
class.

I got an A++
on my final.

Lemon meringue pie.

Ohh, what an experience
it was.

My first, you know.

Kneading the dough
till it was ready.

And I was all sweaty.

Then came my filling.

Stirring and stirring
over a pulsing heat.

Don't bring it to a boil
too fast, whatever you do.

Slow, then fast.

Slow, then fast...

till it starts to rise...

rise...

rise!

Oh, God...
my taxes!

Why didn't I get
meringue pie?

Well, honey, we may
as well face it.

No one is going to
help us.

It's just you and I
against the kitchen.

[DISGUSTED SIGH]

I'm going in.

[LEE DORSEY'S "WORKING IN
THE COAL MINE" PLAYING]

♪ Working in the coal mine ♪

♪ Going down, down, down ♪

♪ Working in the coal mine ♪

♪ Whoop, about to slip down ♪

♪ Working in the coal mine ♪

♪ Going down, down, down ♪

♪ Working in the coal mine ♪

♪ Whoop, about to slip down ♪

♪ Five o'clock in the morning ♪

♪ I'm already up and gone ♪

♪ Lord, I'm so tired ♪

♪ How long can this go on? ♪

♪ Da da
Working in the coal mine ♪

♪ Going down, down, down ♪

♪ Working in the coal mine ♪

♪ Whoop, about to slip down ♪

♪ Working in the coal mine ♪

♪ Going down, down, down ♪

♪ Working in the coal mine ♪

♪ Whoop, about to slip down ♪

♪ 'Cause I work every morning ♪

♪ Hauling coal by the ton ♪

♪ But when Saturday
Rolls around ♪

♪ I'm too tired
To have any fun ♪

♪ Too tired for having ♪

♪ I'm just working
In the coal mine ♪

♪ Going down, down, down ♪

♪ Working in the coal mine ♪

♪ Whoop, about to slip down ♪

♪ Working in the coal mine ♪

♪ Going down, down, down ♪

♪ Working in the coal mine ♪

♪ Whoop, about to step down ♪

♪ Lord, I'm so tired ♪

Oh.

Oh.

We did it.

We did it.

We-- We really
did it.

[CRYING]

[SIGHS]

How many hours
to sleep before school?

Two and a half.

Ohh.

Well, at least I only
have to stay awake
for one class.

Yeah. Me, too.

Let's go.

Ugh.
Uhh!

I can't sleep with
that damn woman in my bed.

God,
I'm starving.

Never anything
in the fridge.

[CRYING]

Oh, God.

Seven-thirty in the morning,
and I'm up.

This is inhuman.

Gee, maybe Mommy
will make us breakfast.

Oh.

That's me.

Oh, no.

He didn't.

Yep.
He did.

Wake up,
you moron.

You ate
my final exam.

Naah.

Ugh.

You didn't eat
my Jell-O, did you,
Daddy?

[SNORING]

It's all right,
honey. It's here.

Oh,
thank God.

Well, what are you
gonna do, Mom?

I don't know.

There's not time
to make another one.

Maybe Miss Beyer
will understand.

I don't want to be
dumber than the dog.

Oh, well.

It's just a stupid
piece of paper.

Who needs a diploma?

Means nothing at all.

I'll just go there...
and face the music.

[BURPS]

Nice. B+.

Ruben. A+.

Ah, Miss w*nk*r.
Your card, please.

Oh.

"Jell-O."

Excellent. A-.

Oh, ha-ha!

Hey, ma.

Miss Bundy,
your card.

Oh. I have one
for her.

"Crowned rack
of lamb."

Hey.

Hey!

Oh, Kelly...this is
the happiest moment
of my life.

I finally got a diploma.
Ha-ha.

I'm so glad you're here
to share this moment with me.

Yeah, mom, I'll
remember it fondly

while I'm sweating
through summer school.

Why did you do it, Mom?

Why did you
take my Jell-O?

Oh, honey, don't you
understand?

I did it for you.

Sweetie, this is your
last summer as
my little girl.

Now, if I'd
let you graduate,

your father would
have you work

the whole summer.

That would mean no beach,
no shopping...no vandalizing.

This way...all
you have to do is

spend one hour
a day in class,

and the rest of the time...
is summertime.

So, Kelly,
just think of this

as my graduation
present to you.

Oh, thank you, Mom.

You're the best.
Ha-ha.

Come on, it's time for
graduation pictures.

Oops.
Got to go.

Okay.

Oh, man. I'm gonna
go to school
during the summer.

Hey.

Hey!

[♪♪♪]