02x07 - The Fastest g*n in the East

[bunniefuu]

I'm ready, master. How do I look?

Great, great, great.

What is that you're watching?

A horse opera.

An opera with horses?

No, it's a Western.

That's the way people
used to live in the old days.

And the only law and order
was the marshal.

It reminds me of election day
in old Baghdad.

In those days
men really had to be men.

- You make it sound so exciting.
- It was.

I wish I lived in those days.

Isn't that something, Jeannie?

Jeannie.

Jeannie.

Hey, look at that, boys.

We got us a new marshal.

Howdy, marshal.

Oh, no.
No, I'm not your marshal.

When I count to three, I'm sh**ting.

- No, you don't understand.
- One.

- Jeannie. Jeannie. Jeannie!
- Two. Three.

Hit the leather, marshal.

Leave him alone, Bull.

I didn't mean no harm,
Mr. Sedgwick.

I'm just having a bit of fun.

Fun? You could've k*lled somebody.

Yeah.

What kind of a welcome is that
for our new marshal?

Why, he's going to think
Gopher Junction is uncivilized.

- b*at it.
- Yes, sir.

I apologize for that, marshal.

Oh, that's all right.
Thanks for the help.

- Listen, he should be locked up.
- I keep telling them.

Gopher Junction's not growing
into a proper city...

...unless we get
some law and order.

You may have some little wait.

Bull doesn't mean any harm.
He just gets carried away sometimes.

I'm Horace Sedgwick,
the town banker.

Oh, hi. I'm Tony Nelson.

Nelson. Yes, I'm mighty glad
to meet you, Mr. Nelson.

- Come on, let me show you your office.
- My office?

Is that your horse?

Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.

- Where you hail from?
- Cocoa Beach.

Is that east or west of Abilene?

East.

I'm sure mighty glad you're here.

We haven't had a Marshal
since Ed Clampett.

- What happened to Ed?
- Same thing that happened...

...to the last seven marshals.
The boys are kind of high-spirited.

You have quite a turnover,
don't you?

The highest of any town in the West.

Come on in.

- I see we have a guest.
- Oh, that's Eddie Sheridan.

But you won't be
bothered about him...

- ... he won't be with you long.
- Why not?

Because they're going to lynch me!

I'm innocent!
They'll k*ll me if you don't let me go!

- What did he do?
- He's a cold-bloodiest k*ller...

...I ever seen, marshal.

Why, he sh*t down
a rancher and his wife...

...when they caught him
rustling their cattle.

No! No, that's a lie.

I was nowhere near
the Bar-X when they was k*lled.

I'm sure the facts
will come out at the trial.

He's already had his trial, marshal.

The jury was very generous.
They gave him life imprisonment.

They're gonna take him
to the prison in Kansas City tonight.

When you get yourself
all settled in here...

...come on over to
the Silver Dollar Saloon.

I'll buy you a drink
and introduce you all around.

Well, thank you very much, sir.

It's good to have you with us.

Thank you.

I didn't k*ll nobody.

I've been framed.

Framed. They just wanted
to get my ranch. You gotta help me.

Well,
I'd like to help you very much...

...but I can't.
I'm just passing through.

Oh, sure.

Sure, I should've figured it.

- You're in with them.
- Them?

The Unholy Ten.

The Unholy Ten? I don't know
what you're talking about.

I'm talking about that g*ng that's been
trying to take over this territory.

They hit every ranch
within a hundred miles of here.

- Well, why?
- Because they want the land!

If you don't sell out to them
at their price...

...they try to scare you out.

There's really nothing I can do.

You'll be safe in Kansas City.

Who are you kidding?

You know how far I'll get?

They built that for me.

There'll be a lynch mob here
to get me at : .

No, I'm sure Mr. Sedgwick
wouldn't allow anything like that.

I'll go talk to him.
Is there anything you need?

A marshal with guts.

Buy me a drink, honey?

Well, I'm just passing through.
Jeannie, what are you doing?

Oh, you were right, master.
This is so exciting.

You don't know the half of it.

Are you ready to go home now?

Well, now that you're here,
I think I'd like to stay until about : .

Well, if that
is what you wish, marshal.

Well, well,
if it ain't our new marshal.

Jeannie, you go and enjoy yourself.

- All right, master.
- All right.

You know, I ain't stopped shaking
since you come to town.

You look like a real k*ller.

Ain't he got a mean look?

If I wasn't right in the middle
of a drink, I'd sure be running.

What you drinking, marshal?

Nothing, thank you.

I guess you didn't hear right, mister.

When my friend Al asks you
to have a drink, you have a drink.

Well, I'm particular
with whom I drink.

Now, you shouldn't have
said that, stranger.

You just hurt my feelings.

And you know what happens
when I get my feelings hurt?

You b*at up little old ladies?

Can you do that?

Because if you can't,
you're in a lot of trouble.

Pardon me.

Hey, Bull, he hit seven of them
with a six-sh**t.

Well, that calls for a drink, marshal.

Me and you will be
meeting again, marshal.

Well, before we do,
do you mind taking a bath?

You smell terrible.

I wouldn't push him
too far if I were you, marshal.

It's not healthy.

I don't push-
I don't push easy, Mr. Sedgwick.

Oh, I was talking to Eddie Sheridan...

...and he thinks that they're
going to lynch him tonight.

I wouldn't pay much attention
to what Sheridan says.

He's a real troublemaker.

Troublemakers don't last
too long around here, marshal.

I'll see you later.

You must be the new marshal.

Oh, no, ma'am.
I'm just travelling through.

- I'm a tourist.
- Please, help me.

Well, I'd like to very much, but-
What's your problem?

I'm Eddie Sheridan's sister.
You've got to let him go.

Ma'am, I'm not a judge.

I'm just a- Well, whatever it is I am,
I can't let him go.

You're were our last chance.

Eddie and I were hoping
the new marshal would save him.

Now, now,
that's not going to do any good.

Stop that.

Everybody's watching.

Everybody. Here.

Thank you.

They're not going to stop until they've
taken over every ranch in the valley.

They're not going to stop?
Who's "they"?

They call themselves
the Unholy Ten.

What do they want
with all this land?

The freeways won't be through here
for another hundred years.

They want the land because
the railroad's are coming through-

And they want the right of way.

- How did you know that?
- I watch a lot of television.

Will you save Eddie?

Ma'am, as long as I'm marshal
of Gopher Junction...

- ... nobody's gonna get lynched.
- Oh, thank you.

Well, I see you found a playmate.

How about spreading
a little of that sunshine-

- Get your hands off of her.
- Thank you, marshal.

I'll see you later.

Marshal, I got a feeling
you're a big bluff.

- Oh, yeah?
- You know what I think.

I think that sh**ting you done
a while ago was purely accidental.

Let's take big mouth outside, boys.

Jeannie. Jeannie!

It's too bad your visit was a short one.
We'll miss you.

Knock it off. I happen
to be United States property.

- Let me go, I'll let you off lightly.
- Let him go.

Not this time, Mr. Sedgwick.
I don't like his face.

- What do you think you're doing?
- What time is it?

- A quarter of six.
- Come on, boys.

I'm glad they realized they was
heading for trouble. Thank you.

Don't think I'm going to be able
to help you next time, marshal.

May we go home now, master?

No. No, not yet, Jeannie.

There's something funny going on,
and I wanna find out what it is.

- Well, please be careful.
- They gotta learn respect for the law.

- Marshal, come quickly.
- What's the matter?

My brother, they're breaking into
the jail. They're going to lynch him!

Not while I'm marshal of Gopher
Junction. I'll get me a posse.

All right, you men,
I need me a posse.

All volunteers raise your hands.

Never mind, I'll do it myself.

Let's break the door down
and teach Sheridan...

...not to sh**t helpless women.

- Yeah! Yeah!
- Break it up.

- I happen to be the marshal.
- It's the marshal.

You're all overly excited.
I want you all to go home...

...and get a good night's rest.

- Let's get him, boys.
- Now, now, knock it off. I mean it.

Have you ever heard of the FBl?

The what?

Forget it.

Get out of here, sister,
before you get hurt.

They'll k*ll you.

As long as I'm marshal,
ain't nobody going to get k*lled.

You got seconds, marshal.

You send Sheridan out here,
or we're coming in to get him.

You better do
what they say, marshal.

Do what they say?
They're going to lynch you.

They're going to lynch me
no matter what you do.

I just don't want Georgia getting hurt.

As long as I'm marshal,
ain't nobody going to get hurt.

What are you going to do?

Go out there
and show them who's in charge.

Please, don't go out there.
They'll k*ll you.

There are worse ways
of dying, ma'am.

Oh, you're the bravest man
I've ever known.

Yeah.

Have you decided
to be sensible, marshal?

All right, you men,
I'm going to turn my back on you...

...and I'm going to count to .
When I turn around again...

...you better be gone,
or I'm going to start sh**ting. One...

...two, three, four...

...five, six, seven, eight, nine...

...ten.

Well, that's better.

I'd like to thank the citizens
of Gopher Junction...

...for the way they handled
themselves in this emergency.

Let's get him, boys.

Nothing can stop them.

Come on, I want you
to let your brother out.

Here.

You were right.
This is getting more and more exciting.

It's getting a little too exciting.

- Well, I'll get rid of them for you.
- No, no, no. I want to do this myself.

I only wish I had some tear gas.

Jeannie. Oh, Jeannie.

Let that be a lesson to all of you.

I don't know how you did it,
but I'm proud.

- It's nothing.
- Eddie! Eddie!

- What is it, Josh?
- It's the Unholy Ten...

- ... they're rustling your cattle.
- Oh, no, it's all we have left.

Master, why would they want
to wrestle his cattle?

Not "wrestle," " rustle. " Rustle.

They're going
to the Mexican border.

- We'll head them off at the- Pass.
- Pass.

Come on, Jeannie. Come on.

I'm sorry, master,
but I'm afraid of horses.

- You're what?
- Well, when I was a little girl...

...we always had camels. And then
my uncle came over one day and-

Jeannie, I don't have time
to psychoanalyze you.

The Unholy Ten are getting away
with the cattle. Now, come on.

Very well, master.

- Jeannie, what are you doing?
- I am not afraid of donkeys.

Forget it.

Isn't there anything we can do
to stop the stampede?

Yeah. Yeah, sure there is.
Come here, Jeannie.

You've got to stop the stampede.

Well, I will be happy to, master.

What is a stampede?

That's when the cattle
are all going this way.

Oh, I see. And you would
like them to go this way?

Yeah, that's it.

- They turned around.
- Yeah.

They're going the other way.
Sedgwick ain't going to like this.

I don't like it neither. Come on.

- Where you going?
- Back to town to get me a marshal.

Well, I see you're still here, marshal.

- I don't push easy.
- If you take my advice...

...be on your way
before Bull gets back.

- Back from where?
- Why, I don't know...

- ... wherever he went.
- I know where he is.

Jeannie, I'll handle this myself.

I warned you about
this prisoner of yours.

He's dangerous, should be in jail.

Mr. Sheridan claims he was framed.

He was, master,
and I can tell you who did it.

I want to do this myself.

Eddie and I won't be
driven off our land, Mr. Sedgwick.

Well, I'm afraid it's not
your land anymore, Miss Georgia.

There's a mortgage due next week,
and you have no cattle left.

How do you know that,
Mr. Sedgwick?

- I know how he knew it.
- Jeannie, please.

- I told you, I want to do it myself.
- Very well.

Yeah.

- Now, you were saying about the cattle.
- Yes, well...

...I just heard that some rustlers
ran them off.

Well, you heard wrong,
Mr. Sedgwick.

I think we got some company.

- I gotta talk to you.
- Later.

- This won't wait.
- He has some very bad news for you.

- Jeannie, please.
- Well, he has.

- Yeah-
- Excuse me.

- Really I-
- Are the cattle really safe?

Oh, yeah. The cattle are fine.

- You don't have to worry.
- You're wonderful.

Please, ma'am, I'm on duty.

What do you mean
they reversed direction?

I can't explain it. The cattle
just suddenly turned around...

- ... and went in the other direction.
- You bungling fool.

I don't know why,
but I got a feeling...

...the marshal's behind all of this.

I got the same feeling.

- I want you to take care of him.
- My pleasure.

I don't want to take any chances.
Al, Sam, you know what to do.

Right, we'll fix him.

Sam, take the hotel.
I'll take the saloon.

- Be careful.
- Don't worry.

- Hey, marshal!
- Yeah?

My conscience has been
bothering me something awful.

I k*lled that rancher and his wife.

Why don't you come and get me.

- Take cover.
- I will stay with you, master.

No, no, Jeannie, he's a k*ller.
Take cover. I mean it.

Now!

All right, hold it right there, Bull.

You're through, Bull.

Well done, marshal. I'll see to it
that he's properly taken care of.

Jeannie.

The Unholy Ten.

It won't be hard to find out
who the other nine are now.

I call tell you who. It was-

Jeannie, next time
I'm going to send you home.

I'm sorry, master.

Now, I figure...

...that the only reason
that the Unholy Ten...

...have been able
to terrorize the countryside...

...and get away with it...

...is because they got some
pretty powerful backing.

Go on.

Now, this person
has to be rich enough...

...to be able to buy the ranches once
the owners have gotten scared off.

And that person is...

- ... you, Mr. Sedgwick.
- Me?

- You're crazy.
- Oh, he is not.

- I had nothing to do with any of this.
- Wait a minute...

...you ain't leaving me
to take the rap.

Let them hang me
while you're running around?

- The whole thing was his idea.
- Take him away.

Why- but you...

You got nothing
to worry about, Ed, Georgia.

Everything's going to be all right.

Oh, you're the most wonderful man
I've ever met in my whole life.

- Well-
- I'm never going to let you go.

Dinner's ready, master.

Oh, sorry, I must have dozed off.

- What time is it, Jeannie?
- A few minutes past six.

Really?

I had the wildest dream.

- It was so real.
- Was it?

Yeah, I dreamt I was in this-
In this town in the Wild West.

- Forget it.
- Are you hungry, master?

Starved.
Gunfights always make me-

Let's eat.