02x08 - How to Be a Genie in 10 Easy Lessons

[bunniefuu]

Good evening, master. You did not
tell me you were going out tonight.

Oh, didn't I?

Well, it must have
slipped my mind.

You are all dressed up.

I am ready.

Where are we going tonight,
master?

"We" are not going anywhere.

I have a date tonight with an old
friend of mine from Chicago.

Jeannie, what do you think
you're doing?

You have been working
much too hard lately, master.

It would be better
if you stayed home.

Well, I'll decide that.
Now, I'm going out.

And this jealousy of yours
is ridiculous.

Oh, I am not jealous, master.

Who is this girlfriend?

She's- He's a very old school chum
of mine from Ohio.

Yes, we went to school together and,
well, he's in town now...

...and he's sick and, well, I'm going
to go and visit the poor guy.

- What is her name?
- Suzie- Charlie Suzie.

Oh, master, thou art not dealing
with a stupid genie.

You will stay home tonight.

No, I'm not. I promised I'd visit him,
and visit him I'm going to.

- Now, come on, give me my clothes.
- No, master.

All right, then I'll go
and get dressed myself.

You can make me late,
but you can't keep me here.

This is not a jail, you know.

Jeannie, let me out of here!

How long you in for?

Well, sure glad I came
during visiting hours.

Roger, will you get me out of here?

How did you get there
in the first place?

- How do you think I got here?
- Jeannie?

Oh, brilliant.
Oh, just marv-! Brilliant!

Boy, you must have really upset her.
What did you do?

I didn't do anything.
I just tried to keep a date.

Dressed like that?
No wonder she locked you up.

Jeannie! I'm gonna be late
if you don't get me out of here.

Look, I'm not doing anything tonight,
why don't I make the date for you?

No, this is one date
I'm keeping myself.

Well, I just thought we'd play
a little game of rummy...

...but the warden wouldn't like that.

Maybe I could smuggle a cake in here
with a file in it.

Hey, that's not a bad idea.

- Would you like a cake?
- No. No, I want a hacksaw.

See if you can find one for me.

- I think there's one out in the garage.
- Hacksaw, yeah, good idea.

Don't go away.

Good evening, Major Healey.

Oh, hey, Jeannie. I'll be right back.

- I'm going to get the hacksaw.
- Roger!

It would be best if Major Nelson
spent the night here.

He needs a good rest.

Well, I think that's for Major Nelson
to decide.

I'll go and get the you-know-what.

Excuse me, Jeannie.

Jeannie!

Help!

Is there anything you would like,
master?

Yes, yes, I want you
to get rid of this jealousy bit.

I'm gonna cure you if it kills me.

Oh, I told you, master.
I am not jealous.

Well, then, what am I doing in jail?

What kind of a genie are you anyhow?
You're supposed to help me.

You're supposed to make me happy!

Well, I try to make you happy,
master.

Please believe me.
I am doing this for your own good.

Now go to sleep and rest.

There.

Good evening, doctor.

Good evening, major.

It's a jail.

Yes, well, I know it looks like a jail-

In the middle of your living room.

Major, tell me, what are you doing
in your pyjamas, in a jail...

...in the middle of your living room?

Well, as a matter of fact,
I was working-

Working on an experiment.

This time, major, I'm not buying.

- You're not buying?
- You think I'm gonna rush back...

...and tell General Peterson
that you're here in jail.

And then he'll say to me:

" Doctor, you better be right this time,
or I'll have you analyzed again. "

And then I'll say, "Oh, no, general.
I saw it with my own eyes. "

And then I'll bring him back here
and there won't be any jail...

...and he'll have me analyzed again.

- Is that what you think?
- Well, no-

You're wrong. Do you know how many
time I've been analyzed...

...in the last six months?

I'm seeing three different analysts,
three times a week.

Makes life rather difficult.

- Sorry about that, sir.
- It looks like a real jail.

It feels like a real jail.

Oh, that's a nice touch.

Well, if you want a jail
in your living room...

...good luck.

Good night, major. Pleasant dreams.

Jeannie! Jeannie! Jeannie!

Good morning, master.

Did you sleep well, master?

No, I did not sleep well, Jeannie.

And do you know why
I did not sleep well?

Because you made me break a date
with a very old and trusted friend.

Now how do you think he felt,
me not showing up?

Oh, you do not have to pretend
with me, master.

I know you did not have a date
with a man named Charlie Suzie.

Hello. Major Nelson's residence.

Who's calling, please?

Charlie Suzie?

Hello. Hello, Charlie?

Where was I last night?

Well, I was tied up. Yeah.

I'm terribly so-

You waited for me for two hours?

Well, I'm terribly sorry,
I just couldn't get shook loose.

Oh, master.

It's easy enough for you to say,
"Oh, master. "

But you just broke the heart
of a very old friend of mine.

Hello? What about tonight, Charlie?

Yes, of course I'll be there.

- Will I be there?
- Oh, yes, yes! I'm so sorry. I did not-

Yes. Right, I'll be there tonight.
Same time, same place.

Right, Charlie.

And I'm terribly sorry. Okay.

I do not know what to say.

Well, I guess you'll just have to learn
to trust me.

Oh, my poor master.

I thought you had a date
with a beaut-

Well, I will never,
never doubt you again.

Well, we just have to live and learn.

Hi, Roge.

- " Hi, Roge. " Fine friend you are.
- What's the matter?

Where were you when I was hanging
from the Empire State Building?

- What were you doing that for?
- What was I doing that for?

- Oh, Jeannie.
- Yeah, Jeannie.

Sometimes I get the feeling
she's not so crazy about me.

Roge, she's just a little impulsive,
that's all.

A little impulsive? Do you have any
idea how windy it gets up there?

I bet you're pretty sore at yourself,
keeping you locked up in jail like that.

I spent the night in jail because
that's exactly where I wanted to be.

Oh, who are you kidding?
The master was outmanoeuvred.

She caught you and locked you up.

There was a little manoeuvring last
night, but I'm the one who did it.

What are you talking about?

Well, I didn't have a date last night.
I just pretended.

- Here, you want some coffee?
- Why would you do that?

So I could have a sergeant on
the base here named Charlie Suzie...

...call me up and complain about
my breaking the date I didn't have.

You lost me.

Roger, my real date is tonight
with a girl named Joan Sheldon.

- I used to go with her in Chicago.
- One sugar.

One of the most beautiful girls
I've ever seen in my life.

But Jeannie would have
tried to stop me...

...and now I'm going
with her blessing.

That's the sneakiest idea
I've ever heard in my whole life.

Sometimes you have to be a little
sneaky when you handle Jeannie.

You should've seen her.
She couldn't do enough for me.

I really gotta hand it to you.

You wouldn't like to make that
a double date, would you?

No, no. Joan and I have a lot of time
to catch up on.

- You want some more coffee?
- Oh, no.

Tony. Come in.

- Joan. Joan, has it been five years?
- Six.

- Six? Well, you haven't changed a bit.
- And neither have you.

- How are you, Tony?
- I'm just fine. Just fine.

And I can see how you are.
You're more beautiful than ever, Joan.

- Oh, sorry.
- Oh, thank you. They're lovely.

Oh, I can't tell you how much
I've missed you.

Well, I've missed you too.

If you're ready,
I have dinner reservations at Mateo's...

...and then I thought we'd go
to a play that just opened...

...and then perhaps later,
to the Blue Dolphin for dancing.

I thought it would be cosier
to have dinner here.

Do you mind? I hate crowds.

So do I.

Let me get into something
comfortable.

Tony? Tony?

Tony? Tony?

Good evening, Major Healey.

Oh, hi, Jeannie. Has Tony left yet?

Oh, yes. He had a very important date
with an old friend.

Oh, a date.

- Mr. Charlie Suzie.
- Oh, good old Charlie Suzie.

I hope Major Nelson
has a wonderful time.

He's probably gonna have
the time of his life.

He's probably gonna have a nice time.

Gonna have an average evening.

Guess I better be running along.

What are you doing?

What did you mean... Major Healey?

Jeannie, get me out of here.

Not until you tell me
what is happening to Major Nelson.

Oh, " happening to Major Nelson. "
Nothing's happening to Major Nelson.

I've got a meeting with Dr. Bellows
and I'm late.

Well, I will let you go as soon as you
tell me about Major Nelson.

- Is he in trouble?
- I think he is now.

Well, I'm sure that Mr. Charlie Suzie
would not hurt him.

Charlie Suzie wouldn't hurt him.
Can I go now?

If he is with Mr. Charlie Suzie.

I think I have been tricked.

Jeannie, don't do anything hasty.
Nice Jeannie. Jeannie.

Jeannie! Jeannie!

There. Isn't that better?

Yes, it certainly is.
It looks much more comfortable.

- To us.
- I'll drink to that.

Jeannie! Jeannie!

- Hello, master.
- Hello.

- Are you still angry?
- No.

I said I was sorry, master.
Truly I am.

You cannot move out, master.
This is your home.

Really? I haven't had that impression
recently.

If you'd only told me the truth,
I would not have done that.

If I had told you the truth...

...you wouldn't have let me
keep that date, would you?

Do you know why?

Oh, yes, master,
because I love you very much...

...and I'm very jealous of you.

Oh, Jeannie, we've been through this
a hundred times.

Would you please stop that?

If you do not go away,
I will do anything you want me to.

- Except leave me alone.
- Oh, no, master. Truly, I promise.

If you wish to go back to see
that girl tonight...

...I will not stop you.

How could I ever face her again?
You made a monkey out of her.

Oh, but I changed her back.

She will not remember
anything that happened.

You really wouldn't mind
if I went back there?

Oh, well, I did not say
that I would not mind.

I said that I would not stop you.

- You promise?
- I promise.

- Master?
- Yes.

Oh, well, thank you.

You are welcome.

Tony. Come in.

- Joan. Has it been five years?
- Six.

Six. Well,
you haven't changed a bit.

And neither have you.
How are you?

I'm fine, Joan, fine.
And I can see how you are.

Why, you're more beautiful than ever.
Oh, sorry.

Oh, thank you. They're lovely.

I can't tell you
how much I've missed you, Tony.

Joan, I've missed you
and I've been thinking...

...why don't we have dinner here
instead of going out.

You're a mind reader.

Well, what do you know about that.

I thought it would be cosier
to have dinner here.

- Do you mind? I hate crowds.
- I know.

I mean, so do I.

Let me get into something
comfortable.

Tony? Tony?

Jeannie?

Oh, there you are.
Where's Tony?

Major Nelson has already left.

Well, you better get him back
right away.

- But why?
- Look who he has a date with.

" Mobster escapes.
'Two-g*n' Richard Sheldon...

...breaks out of prison to k*ll wife. "

You mean
she's the wife of a mobster?

- Oh, that is terrible!
- Terrible? It's disastrous.

What is a mobster?

A mobster? A mobster is a crook,
you know, like, "You dirty rat!"

He's the leader of a g*ng.

You know, and if he catches Tony
with his wife he'll k*ll him.

You've gotta stop him right away.

Oh, I cannot.

This is a matter of life or death.

I'm sorry. Major Nelson made me
promise never to interfere again.

We've been talking about me
all this time.

You haven't said a word about
yourself, Joan.

Well, there's not that much to tell.

After you dropped out of my life,
I went to Detroit...

...and got a job in a nightclub.

Funny. A beautiful girl like you
never getting married.

- More champagne?
- No, no, not right now.

Tony, I wonder if I could ask
a little favour of you?

Sure.

I'm holding something
for a friend of mine...

...and it makes me a little nervous
keeping it in the hotel.

Why don't you have the hotel
put it in their vault?

I don't trust vaults.

But I trust you, Tony.

What do you want me to do with it?

Just keep it, honey. Just keep it.

Don't go away.

You're taking an awful chance,
Two g*n.

There's fuzz all over the place.

They can have me after I fix her.
Is this it?

Yeah.
There's a guy in there with her.

- Who is he?
- I don't know.

I'll take care of the both of them.
Give me the key.

Get ready to move fast.

Didn't expect to see me, did you?

Jeannie, I knew I couldn't trust you.

What are you do-?
What're you doing here?

I'm here to fix you
for being with Joan.

I'm warning you for the last time.

- Go home!
- Go home?

If you blink out now, I may,
I just may forgive you.

Now, hurry up.

Blink out?
Do you know who I am?

Of course I know.
That's why I want you out of here.

Now, go home,
and don't come back.

You know, you've got a lot of nerve
coming here.

I have a good mind to put you over
my knee and give you a spanking.

Well, don't just sit there.

Two g*n Richard is a professional
k*ller! He'll chop Tony into pieces.

I cannot go. I promised.

Besides, Major Nelson
is a very brave man.

He can take care of himself.

Yeah, that's right he can
take care of himself.

- He does not really need me.
- No.

- Do you believe that?
- No.

Neither do I.

I want you to go home and write:

" I will never be jealous again"
times.

All right, smart mouth.
Nobody talks to Two g*n that way.

Now you put that silly toy away
before I bend you over my knee.

And the next time
you pretend to be a gangster...

...at least try to look like one.

It's certainly a pleasure to meet you,
Mr. Two g*n.

It'll be your last pleasure.
Now, what did you do with my wife?

Your wife? Well, I didn't do anything
with your wife.

I didn't even know
you were married.

Tony! Tony, you've got to get
out of here before my husband...

- Richard.
- This is your wife?

Well, I must say,
you certainly picked a charming girl.

Congratulations to you both.

I've got to be saying
good evening now.

- You ain't going nowhere.
- Don't k*ll him!

Why would you want to k*ll me?
I'm a friend of the family.

- Tell him.
- Where's the dough?

I don't know
what you're talking about.

- Don't give me that, baby, you took it.
- Now, just a moment.

That's a terrible accusation to make
against your own wife.

You're in this together.
I want that money.

Give it to me and I won't k*ll you.

I'd love to give it to you.
I can't. I don't have it.

It was in a brown package.

A brown package?

I don't know anything
about a brown package.

That's it. All right.

- Now, which one of you wants it first?
- Wait a minute.

You said if we gave you
the money, you wouldn't k*ll us.

I've got a short memory.
Pleasant dreams, sweetheart.

Two g*n. Cops all around the place!

- What are we gonna do?
- Fight it out.

They got machine g*ns.

Machine g*ns? I surrender.

- Here.
- All right. All right, gentlemen...

- ... shall we go?
- You won't need me. I'll just wait here.

I'm sorry.
We're all going down to the station.

Would you mind getting over there?
I'm sorry about our engagement...

...but I just remembered I have
a previous dinner engagement...

...in about an hour,
at the Golden Slipper.

All right, gentlemen, let's go.
Come on, come on, come on. You too.

Come on, come on, come on!

Are you enjoying this, master?

It's a nice, quiet game, Jeannie.

I was afraid that it might be
too quiet for you.

After the excitement
the other night...

- ... I could take about a year of this.
- Oh, I am glad.

You know, that phone hasn't rung
once in the last three days.

Has it not?

Oh, hello, operator?

No, nothing, I just wanted to
check the line, see if it was all right.

Yeah, thank you.

It's been so quiet around here,
if that phone rang, I'd be surprised.

So would I, master.

Oh, master, you let me win that one.