02x20 - One of Our Bottles is Missing

[bunniefuu]

I love Sundays, master.

- Yeah?
- Is it your favourite day of the week?

You do not have to work.

Yeah, that's right.

What would you like to do?

Read my paper.

I know a wonderful game.
Why do we not play hub-a-toe?

Hub-a-toe?

It is a lovely game.
You have a little white ball...

...and two small paddles and
a table with a net spread across...

- ... and the object is to get the ball-
- Jeannie, that's called Ping-Pong.

- It is called hub-a-toe.
- No, Ping-Pong.

- Hub-a-toe.
- No, really, Ping-Pong.

Hub-a-toe.

Well, I can't play hub-a-toe, because
I don't have a hub-a-toe table.

There.

How about that.

I still can't play.
I don't have a hub-a-toe paddle.

All right. But I'm warning you, in high
school, I was the hub-a-toe champion.

We shall see.

You're pretty good, you know that?

What are you doing?

Who's winning?

Oh, hi. Hello.

I'd be fascinated to know
how you do that, major.

It's a- It's a new theory
I'm working on.

- Reactive aerodynamics.
- I knew it.

- You did?
- We must apologize for intruding...

...on your Sunday.
We were just passing by-

We were nowhere near the place.
Oh, no, it's all my fault, major.

I made Alfred drop by.
I've been dying to see your house.

- Oh, you have?
- Yes, a bachelor living all alone.

I can't wait to see
what you've done with it.

It's an ordinary, everyday,
run-of-the-mill house.

You could call this house
a lot of things, major.

- But I don't think you could call it that.
- Do you mind if I take a peek?

Oh, Mrs. Bellows, I just as-

I'm sorry, but when Amanda
makes up her mind-

- Yes, sir.
- It's charming. Utterly charming.

- I'm glad you like it.
- It looks so lived in.

- Yes.
- The way Alfred described it...

...I expected to see
more of a haunted house.

- And you live here all alone.
- Yes.

Well, I'm just going to have to
find a nice young girl for you.

- What happened?
- It's- It's the wind

When the kitchen door is open,
it whips around the corner-

- Oh, what a heaven kitchen.
- Yes.

We're just going to
have to get you married.

Major, there's no wind.

- Cat, sir.
- You don't have a cat.

The neighbour's cat.
It's awfully hard to keep out of here.

It keeps walking in here all the time.

I must say, major,
you have excellent taste.

- Thank you.
- You're gonna make someone...

...a marvellous husband.

Alfred, look. It's what I've been
looking for for the living room.

You know that little place over in the-
Wherever did you find it?

I picked it up on a
deserted island in the Pacific.

- It's just a little piece of bad luck.
- I must have it.

Well, I really couldn't let it go,
Mrs. Bellows. I'm sorry.

Well, look at it this way.

You're a major and my husband
is a colonel.

Well, I- I understand, major.

Thank you.

But we can have it copied.
Yes, Salvatori & Son...

- ... can make an exact duplicate of this.
- That's an excellent idea.

Don't worry. Don't worry
about your bottle, major.

I'll bring it in first thing in the morning.
It will take them no time at all.

I don't think it's a good idea.
Let me give you a lamp. The couch?

- It's a brand-new couch.
- No, no, I have what I want.

Major, when Amanda makes up her
mind, there's no telling exactly what-

Better talk to your
neighbour about their cat...

...or you won't have
any bric-a-brac left.

Goodbye. Thank you so very
much. Don't you worry about this.

- I'll bring it back.
- If I could just talk to you-

Goodbye, major. Enjoy your day.

You let that woman take my bottle!

You saw her.
There was nothing I could do.

When she's through having a copy
made, she's going to find you a wife.

Who could afford a wife? I'm gonna
spend life paying for stuff you broke.

What am I going to do
without my bottle?

I don't know, Jeannie.
Blink up another one.

I do not want to blink up another one.
I want my bottle back.

You heard her. She's gonna have
a copy made in a couple of days.

And where will I
sleep in the meantime?

Well, I don't know.

Look, look, look.

Look, nice drawer, you'll
be comfortable in there.

I do not want to sleep in a drawer.

- Well, here, look. Look-
- I think I will take your bedroom.

Mine? Well, where would I stay?

- In the drawer, master.
- No.

Jeannie. Jeannie.

There, you will be
nice and comfortable.

Wait a minute, Jeannie.
You expect me to sleep in here?

Yes, master. And in the morning...

...I am sure you will have thought
of a way to get my bottle back.

Now, wait one minute. If you think
you're gonna get away with this-

No, wait! Jeannie!

Good morning, master.
Did you sleep well?

It's the most comfortable drawer
I ever slept in.

Let me out of here, please.

Did you figure out a way
to get my bottle back?

Yes, I did.

What are you going to do?

I'm gonna call Salvatori & Son...

...and tell them to have the
duplicate bottle finished by tonight...

...and then on my way home
from work, I'll pick it up.

What time are you
going to pick it up?

About : .

I cannot wait. Oh, master, I will go
down there and get into the bottle...

...and wait for you, and you can pick
both of us up at the same time.

No, I don't think that's
a terribly good idea, Jeannie.

- Please.
- No, I'm afraid not.

- Please? Please, please, please?
- No, really-

It's against my better
judgment, but be careful.

Oh, yes, master.

Okay. I'm gonna go get dressed.

Would you-? Would you fix...?

Look at that. No one can
tell one from the other.

Oh, here, here. Just a little bit here.

Now, we wrap...

...and I'm going to deliver them
to Mrs. Bellows, huh?

Yes, Papa.

I appreciate you coming along.
Should take a minute.

How do you get into these things?

- Can I help you?
- Oh, yes. I'm Anthony Nelson.

I believe you have a bottle for me.

Yes, I just finished the
duplicate for Mrs. Bellows.

- That's it.
- Do you want to see it?

No, I'm in kind of a hurry.

Yeah, a friend of ours
is waiting for us to pick her up.

Then I'll bring here
your bottle, huh? Gino.

- Yes, Papa.
- You bring here...

...the original bottle for Mr. Nelson.

- Yes, Papa.
- Thanks.

You know, it takes a little time,
but it turned out so perfect.

- I'm proud of myself.
- Good.

- Here you are.
- Thank you. Thank you very much.

I'm just going to deliver
Mrs. Bellows' bottle.

Oh, good. Tell her I hope she enjoys
it. Good night, and thanks again.

- Good night.
- No. No!

No, you've got the wrong bottle!
Oh, master! Master, no!

Help! Help!

I'll bet Jeannie can't wait
to get out the bottle.

Yeah. There we are.

Come on out, Jeannie.

I guess she likes it so much,
she doesn't want to leave it.

Come on, Jeannie.
Come on out. Jeannie?

Say, you don't think that we could've
gotten the wrong bottle, do you?

Of course. Of course
it's the wrong bottle.

There's not even any furniture in
there. You know what this means?

Dr. Bellows has the bottle.
Jeannie's inside.

I have an uncle in insurance.
Maybe he could get jobs for both of us.

I'll get it back.

Amanda, we're gonna be late.
It's very neurotic of you.

I'm coming, I'm coming.

You know, you're very compulsive
about being prompt.

- That isn't healthy.
- Amanda.

Who now?

- Dr. Bellows.
- Oh, hello, Dr. Bellows?

This is Major Nelson.
How are you, sir?

Oh, I'm just fine, thank you, major.
What can I do for you?

I went over to Salvatori's
and pick ed up my bottle...

...and I must've gotten the wrong one.
I think you still have the original.

It was just delivered.
We haven't even unwrapped it yet.

Good. Good, good.
I'll be right over to pick it up, sir.

Oh, I'm sorry, major. But we're just
on our way out to a dinner party.

Well, I can be there in minutes.

Well, there won't be anyone here.

But, sir, I've got to have
that bottle tonight.

Well, look, does it matter
whether it's tonight or tomorrow?

- It's just a bottle, isn't it?
- Well, yes-

I'll see you get it tomorrow.
Now, is there anything else?

- No, I can't think of anything, sir.
- Then good night, major.

Good night.

I forgot to tell you, darling,
Mr. Salvatori just delivered the bottle.

Oh, I can't wait to see what it's like.

You can wait
until tomorrow, we're late.

Darling, you know, the major was
awfully anxious about his bottle.

I know, I bet it's like
a blanket to him.

You know, it gives him
a sense of security.

Amanda, leave the psychoanalyzing
to me. We're late.

What are you so upset about?
He said he'd give you the bottle back.

When they get back, what's the first
thing Mrs. Bellows is gonna do?

Take off her girdle.

Roger, she's going to open the bottle,
and guess who's gonna come out?

I have another uncle
in the real estate business.

- Got to get that bottle.
- It's in Dr. Bellows' house.

- Yeah, that's right.
- Well, how are we gonna get it?

We're gonna break in.

- No, we're not. No, no. Wait a minute.
- Give me that.

I'm not going to break in, you are.

I'm gonna get the flashlight.
Here, you carry this.

Roger.

Roger, where are you?

- Right here. Can I make a suggestion?
- What?

Let's go home. I've never burgled a
house before. It makes me nervous.

We're just exchanging bottles.

Yeah, and if Dr. Bellows
catches us, he's gonna exchange us.

- He can't. He's out for the evening.
- Yeah, I wish we were.

- Tony-
- Wait, wait, wait.

- Come on.
- What are you doing?

Wait, wait.

What are you going to do?
How are you going to get in there?

- A strip of celluloid.
- Good.

- It'll trip the lock.
- Oh, yeah, trip the lock.

- Let's go.
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Check the windows on that side,
I'll check this side.

I'll check the windows on this side,
you check the windows on that side.

- No, no, it's locked.
- Good, let's go.

We can't leave Jeannie here.
There's an open window up there.

Great, if you're -feet tall,
you could walk right through it.

- Give me a lift.
- Best idea you've had.

- My car's down the street.
- Roger, hold that.

Wait a minute. You're not going to
climb up? Don't. Watch out. Be careful.

Watch it, watch it.

Tony, what are you doing?

If Dr. Bellows catches us
on his lawn, he's- What-?

Roger.

Roger.

Dr. Bellows is out
for the evening.

You stand by the front door,
and I'll let you in.

Okay, come on in.

Roger.

It worked.

Come on.

Wait. I figured out
we can get years for this.

- You take that side, I'll take this side.
- And a court-martial.

I hate leaving a party early.

I'm sorry, darling. I can't help it
if I've got a splitting headache.

I didn't say you could help it,
I merely said it was psychosomatic.

- Why couldn't I've married a butcher?
- Oh, come on.

Alfred.
Alfred, there's someone in the house.

We're being burglarized.
Go call the police.

While I go call the police,
they could escape.

- What are you going to do?
- I'm going in there.

You can't. You could
get yourself k*lled.

I can take care of myself, my dear.

Alfred, I didn't mean what
I said about the butcher.

No guilty feelings, please.

Alfred, where are you going?

I have a g*n in the garage.
Come with me.

Not in the study. Why don't we turn on
lights so we can see what we're doing.

We don't want anybody
to know we're in here, remember?

- Oh, yeah. Yeah, I remember.
- Come on.

I saw a movie where an innocent guy
helped his friend break into a house.

- Yeah, what happened?
- They were both gunned to death.

Let's take one more look.

- Now, wait a minute. Wait.
- Come on.

- There it is.
- Let's get her, and get out of here.

- Jeannie.
- Oh, I am in here, master!

Good. What did you do?

- I knocked over the Chinese checkers.
- Well, pick them up.

- Being neat at a time like this?
- You want Dr. Bellows to know?

That's what I said,
let's pick them up.

I'm going to take them by surprise.
Hide until it's over.

All right, good luck. Remember, sh**t
first and ask questions afterward.

Hide. Hide.

- Hurry.
- I just lost some of my marbles.

Put your hands up,
and stay right where you are!

Major Healey, what are
you doing here?

Ask Major Nelson. He knows
what we're doing here.

Major Nelson, what are you do-?

Would you mind
explaining to me what-?

- He's asleep.
- Asleep? Oh, sir, he can't be asleep.

That's impossible. He just-

Asleep. Yes, sir, he's asleep.

- He's sleepwalking.
- Yeah, well, you see...

- ... Tony sleepwalked here-
- And you came along...

...to see nothing
would happen to him.

That's the least I can do
for my best friend.

Not so loud. You'll wake him up.
We mustn't startle him.

Here, give me a hand with him. We
might as well put him on the couch.

Oh, he's very heavy. Yes, sir.

Oh, he's a heavy sleepwalker.

Alfred? Alfred, are you all right?

Major Healey, Major Nelson?
What-? What are they doing here?

Major Nelson is sleepwalking.
He's been sleepwalking.

Sleepwalking? In our house? Why?

Well, I'm glad you asked that.
You see, we-

- When he was a boy, he used to-
- Well, it's really quite obvious.

You see, Major Nelson came here
because he wanted his bottle.

I knew you'd find out
sooner or later, sir-

And it was preying on his mind.

Preying on his subconscious.

Why, it's the old classic case.

You know, I bet I can tell you
exactly what happened.

- I wish you would.
- Well...

...after Major Nelson phoned me,
he went to sleep.

But he couldn't sleep because
the bottle was on his mind.

The compulsion to get it back
was so strong, that he got up...

...and then either phoned you,
or went to your house?

- Either way.
- And then you came here with him.

Marvellous. Oh, darling, however
did you figure all that out?

My dear, I'm a psychiatrist.
Amanda.

But what I must learn...

...is why this bottle means
so much to Major Nelson.

- Well, sir, as I was saying-
- No, no, no. The truth, Major Healey.

Yes, sir. You see, we had the
two bottles, and we tried to give it to-

- This is Nelson here.
- Darling, he's waking up.

Now, there's nothing to be
alarmed about, Major Nelson.

Nothing to be alarmed about.
You're in my house.

- In your house, Dr. Bellows?
- I knew he'd be surprised.

Have I been in some accident,
or something?

- Almost.
- You've been walking in your sleep.

I've never done that before, sir.

Believe me, believe me,
there's nothing to worry about.

Now, as you were saying,
Major Healey-

Well, there was two bottles-

- Do you have any water, please?
- Water? Oh, of course.

Of course. You stay right there.

Thank you. Thank you.

You've just won
the Academy Award.

Here we are.
Here we are, Major Nelson.

Thank you, sir. It's kind of you.

- Here you are, a little water.
- Easy.

- I'll take that, Amanda.
- You're too kind, Mrs. Bellows.

Why, it's a very lucky thing
we arrived when we did.

- Yeah, we're lucky.
- How's your headache?

Oh, fine.
I think it's getting better.

I ought to be leaving.
I'm terribly sorry-

You brought the copy to exchange?

- Yes, sir.
- Let's exchange it.

- We don't have to tonight, sir.
- Well, of course, tonight.

Otherwise, you'll be walking in your
sleep again. You might get sh*t.

Now, there you are, major.
Your problems are all over.

You'd better get to bed.
You've been through a lot.

- A lot.
- We've been through a lot. I'll take this.

- Now, major-
- Sir, I really don't mind-

- No, no, it's all settled.
- Alfred.

- Yeah?
- You know, I am sorry...

...I started this whole thing.
Major, I should have taken the couch.

- The couch. Oh, yes.
- The flowers are theirs.

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Now, major, everything is all set.

All you have to do is relax,
and then you'll get a good night's rest.

- Wouldn't you like-?
- A good night's rest, major.

Good night.

Alfred, is he always like that?

Oh, no.
This is one of his good days.

Roger, do me a favour. Tomorrow...

...I want you to call your uncle in real
estate. Ask if he's got any openings.

What are you so
worried about, anyway?

- What am I worried-? Give me that.
- Careful.

- Be careful.
- You have any idea what's going on...

- ... at Dr. Bellows' house right now?
- No, what?

Mrs. Bellows is opening
that package.

And right about now,
she's opening the bottle.

You know what's coming out
of the bottle?

Smoke. And do you know
what that smoke is turning into?

Jeannie. That's what
it's gonna turn into.

- Jeannie?
- Master!

- How did you get here?
- I don't know.

Well, the old mastermind
decided we needed a miracle...

...so when you were talking to
Dr. Bellows, I switched.

Major Healey, thank you.

My own bottle, and my own genie.
Oh, you shouldn't have.

You know better than to give Roger his
own bottle, and his own genie.

Open it.

Boy-

- It's champagne.
- Thank you.

Well, at least we got Jeannie back.
I guess we might as well drink to it.

- Is that really champagne?
- Sure is.