02x23 - The Greatest Entertainer in the World

[bunniefuu]

- Good morning, Major Healey.
- Hi, Jeannie.

Where's Tony?
He asked me to pick him up.

He overslept. Would you like
a cup of coffee while you're waiting?

- No, I'm in a hurry.
- Why?

Well, Friday is General Peterson's
Oth anniversary as a general...

...and Dr. Bellows wants a show...

...and I have to find somebody
to take charge of it.

Oh, Major Nelson is very good
at being in charge of things.

It's not that. You gotta know
somebody in show business.

You gotta have somebody
that has a big act.

He doesn't know anybody
in show business.

- I will help him.
- Well, you-

No, oh, no! He doesn't like
you helping him. Don't do it.

Well, how would it look if some other
master's genie was in charge?

Yeah, I see what you mean.
No, no, no. Oh, no.

- Not me!
- But he would enjoy himself.

He may not think so,
but he would enjoy himself.

- That's out.
- Major Healey...

...if Major Nelson
is not put in charge...

...I can promise you that on
the night of General Peterson's party...

...there will be a terrible hurricane.

- The night of the party?
- And a tidal wave.

General Peterson's party?

And a typhoon.

And we'll all be sitting around
having cocktails.

Well, I guess that's it.

I guess we found the head
of our committee.

Roge, is that you?

- Not a word to Major Nelson.
- Yeah, not a word.

Yeah, not a word. Oh, boy.

Oh, hi, Roge.
I'm sorry, I overslept.

- Do you know something?
- What?

You should've stayed in bed.

Frankly, I would never
have thought of Major Nelson for this.

Frankly, neither did I, sir.
It just came to me out of the blue.

Do you think he can get
a top entertainer for Friday evening?

If he can't,
he knows somebody who can.

He's quite anxious
to head the committee.

Strange. He never said
a word to me about it.

You know how modest Tony is,
but he'll come up with someone great.

- Major Nelson.
- Yes.

- I want to express my appreciation.
- Your appreciation, sir?

For volunteering to take charge
of the party.

- I haven't had a chance to tell you-
- Volunteering-

Major Healey told me
how anxious you are to do it.

Oh, Major Healey told you that,
did he? Thanks.

We were considering using
some of the talent around here.

With all the people in show business
you know, that won't be necessary.

- The people in show business I know?
- I told you he's modest.

Honestly, I don't know
one single person in-

Right, most of them are married.

Well, it's in your hands now,
Major Nelson.

This is one of the most important
evenings in General Peterson's life.

- Oh, and may I just say one thing?
- Yes, sir.

Don't let me down.

Yes, sir.

- Why?
- Well...

...if you're not head of the committee
during General Peterson's party...

...there's going to be a hurricane,
a tidal wave and a typhoon.

- Jeannie. Jeannie did that?
- Not so loud. Don't get her mad now.

Why would she make you do that?

How would it look if some
other master got the job?

All you have to do
is get an entertainer.

Oh, sure. I don't know anybody
in the entertainment field.

- Yeah, but Jeannie does.
- I'm sure she does.

I can just see her now.
Shakespeare will come out...

...and introduce Sarah Bernhardt.

- Then Ben Hur will do a chariot race.
- Yeah, wait a minute.

Then after Ben Hur,
maybe some gladiators.

You got the whole first act made up!

I can't be the head...

- ... of the entertainment committee.
- Why not?

I bet Jeannie knows a lot
of people in show business.

Well, of course.
I know hundreds, thousands.

- Didn't I tell you?
- What is show business?

Jeannie, you volunteered me
for this.

What do I do for entertainment?

- Oh, that!
- Yeah, that.

Well, we could start with
a chariot race by Ben Hur.

- Then some gladiators.
- I guess I better be running.

Yeah, yeah, a fine friend
you turned out to be. I really appre-

Are you very angry, master?

Why did you do this to me?

Well, I thought you might like to do
something nice for General Peterson.

Oh, I would, I would...

...but I don't know anything
about entertainment.

Oh, well, I can get you
Cleopatra's dancing girls.

- They are the most-
- No, no, no.

- But I would like to help you.
- Believe me, you've done enough.

Well, what will you do?

I'll go to Miami.

- You're going to run away?
- No.

I'm gonna go to Miami...

...because a lot of big stars work down
in Miami in hotels and nightclubs.

Maybe I can persuade
one of them to come.

Oh, you are brilliant, master.

Here we are.

- Do you see anyone you know?
- No.

I see somebody I'd like to have.
He'd never do it.

Who would never do it?

One of the greatest entertainers
in the world, Sammy Davis, Jr.

Is he better than Ben Hur?

Sammy Davis, Jr.?

Do you think
you can really get him?

Well, I don't know, Roge.

He's doing a show in Miami.

I'm going down there
to see if I can talk to him.

- Are you gonna take Jeannie?
- Are you kidding?

She'll never let you go
without her.

- She won't know about it.
- How you gonna manage that?

Don't worry about it.
I'll think of something.

- There's Dr. Bellows. I'll see you later.
- Okay. Good luck.

Oh, here's some research books.

The new auditory charts.

I thought you and Major Nelson
might look them over...

- ... before the test tomorrow.
- I better look them over myself.

I don't think he's going to be back.
He went down to Miami.

- May I ask why?
- He went to get Sammy Davis, Jr...

...for General Peterson's party.

Sammy Davis, Jr.?

You mean he's agreed to entertain
for the general?

- Well, sir, I didn't say that-
- Oh, that's marvellous!

I happen to know that he's General
Peterson's favourite performer.

- Well, it's not-
- Wait until I tell the general.

- I wouldn't-
- He's going to be very pleased.

Oh, about those charts.
Look them over. And here-

- Sir?
- Oh... Sammy Davis, Jr.!

Wait! Wait! Sir.

Me and my big mouth!

Are you ready for bed, master?

- It's so early.
- Oh, early?

- Oh, no, it's : .
- : ?

- Yeah.
- Why, I thought it was only : .

My hourglass must be slow.

Yeah, probably.
Well, I've had a pretty hard day.

I'm gonna get to bed.
You better get to bed too.

Good night.

- Good night, master.
- Good night.

- Good night.
- Good night, master.

Testing, testing, one, two, three.
There it goes.

If we can take it one more time,
I got the tape recorder on-

We've been rehearsing
for three hours.

You're the boss,
but you're gonna k*ll yourself.

George, if I gotta go,
will you let it be in the key of G?

If you don't get some rest, you're
gonna have a nervous breakdown.

" Nervous breakdown. "
That's all I ever hear from you.

Do me a favour, take care of
the money. Let me take care of this.

Come on, once again, huh, George?
Nice and light now. Here we go.

- May I help you?
- Yes.

- I'd like to speak to Mr. Davis.
- Sure, one moment.

- Can I help you?
- Oh, yes, I'd like to speak to Mr. Davis.

I'm sorry. He's rehearsing.

Perhaps I could help you,
I'm his manager.

Oh, yes, certainly.

I'd like to speak to him about doing
a performance at Cape Kennedy.

General Peterson is celebrating
his Oth year as a general.

- Sammy loves to do benefits.
- Oh, good, good, good.

This is not exactly a benefit.

It more or less falls under
the heading of saving my life.

- What night is it?
- Oh, it's Friday night.

Friday night.
I could send a car down.

I'm afraid Sammy couldn't get away.
He does two shows a night here.

Well, then maybe I could send a jet.
Mr. -

Unless you could postpone it.

- Until when?
- Well, let's see.

- Sammy's first free day is May th.
- May th?

A year from May th.
He's booked solid.

Oh, I see.

- Well, thank you. It's worth a try.
- I'm sorry.

Who shall I tell him called?

Oh, the late Major Anthony Nelson.

One time. Here we go.

One, two, three, four.

Well, it ain't the Monkees,
but it will have to do.

Hey, Charles and Michael,
why don't you get some coffee.

George, I know it took a long time,
but you see? Practice makes perfect.

- Oh, look, Sam.
- Yeah?

You will get a little sleep
before the show?

Sure. I'll take a nap.

And you go in the kitchen and eat,
because you need it.

Hey, guess who was just here
to see you.

- Sapphire and her Mama.
- Close.

- Major Anthony Nelson.
- The astronaut?

- Well, where is he?
- Oh, he left.

I told him you were rehearsing.

Oh, come on, Jim.
You're putting me on, man.

If that cat's not too busy
to go to the moon for me...

...then I'm certainly not too busy
to stop and see him.

Now, find him for me, will you?

Thank you, Jim. It was your goof.

Look at you. Just look at you.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Your master is exhausted.

And do you know why
he is exhausted?

Because he is worried.

And why is he worried?

Because I can not get
Sammy Davis, Jr. for him.

You must do something about that.

Right.

I can't get over that.

How about that, huh?

Gee, I've met
the queen of England...

...the president
of the United States...

...and now I'm gonna meet
a real, live...

...astronaut.

Oh, I've heard of nervous breakdowns,
but this is ridiculous.

Excuse me.

Are you the Mr. Sammy Davis, Jr.?

Well, I was him a few minutes ago.

I'm not feeling well now.

Oh, there's nothing
to be worried about.

My master is very anxious
to meet you.

- Your master?
- Excuse me, please.

- Well, it looks so real too.
- Master.

Oh, master. Oh, master,
I have some wonderful news for you...

He tricked me.

I am terribly sorry,
my master is gone.

Don't you worry about that, ma'am.

I'm a little gone myself.

It was nice meeting you.

I'm having a nervous...

...breakdown.

Sorry, Sammy.
I couldn't catch Major Nelson.

Jim, George, piano.

- I'm back.
- Back where?

When you're right, you're right.
I've been working too hard.

- You know the Copa date? Break it.
- Break it?

Listen to me,
when I start to see harem girls...

...and disappearing masters,
then it's time for me to take a rest.

Now, you find me a sanatorium
in the country somewhere...

...where it's nothing but trees around.
Right? Dig? Do that!

Sammy, you're booked.

Jim, would you do me a favour
and just do it!

Okay. Dr. Mallard ought to
be able to tell us where to go.

- I guess so.
- How long do you wanna stay?

- I don't know. Three months.
- Three months?

- All right, make it a month.
- You couldn't sit still for a month.

You know something, you're right.
You should make it a week.

Jim. Jim, hold on!

Now, let's not get carried away.

Let's not put it too far out
in the country.

Maybe we can find a little place
that has a combo...

...and a little dance floor?

A sanatorium with a combo
and a dance floor?

Sure. And on the roof
maybe a discotheque...

...where the chicks are doing
the monkey and the boogaloo.

Hey, go-go girls?
Dance hall?

That sounds like the Copa to me,
fellas.

Hey, you know something,
George is right.

He's absolutely right.
Hang up the phone.

We'll keep the Copa date.

Can you imagine it, man?

It is rather amusing.

Saw a harem girl,
disappearing master.

It was so real to me.

All right, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Jeannie.

Why did you sneak away, master?

Well, I had some personal business
to take care of.

- Through the window?
- Well...

- Do you know who was here?
- I had to meet a man.

- Sammy Davis, Jr.
- Sammy Davis, Jr.

- How did you know?
- I just told you.

- He was here.
- No, he couldn't have been here.

I just left him in his hotel room
in Miami.

You didn't-
You didn't bring him here.

Tell me you didn't.
Say you didn't bring him here.

Well, how did I know you were
going to sneak out the window?

Would you like me
to blink him back?

No, no.
It wouldn't do any good anyway.

He has two performances a night.

What will you do, master?

Well, I'll just have to get
somebody else.

He's not the only entertainer
in the world, you know.

He may not be
the only entertainer...

...but he's certainly the greatest.

Roger, it's not the entertainment
that's the important thing...

...it's the spirit of the occasion
that counts.

Hello, Tony, Roger.

- Sir.
- General.

Dr. Bellows told me
what you're doing.

I want you to know
how much I appreciate it.

It's my pleasure, sir.

This has got to be a great show.

Yes. Roger and I were just talking
about the entertainment.

It's not the entertainment
that's important.

It's the spirit of the occasion
that counts.

Yes.

To think that the men would
care enough to do a thing like this.

Well, that's the most
important thing, sir.

You couldn't have done anything
to make me happier.

I first saw him the same day
I got my first star.

- Saw who, sir?
- Sammy Davis, Jr.

That's a day I'll never forget.

We went to see his show that night.

When Dr. Bellows told me that
you'd arranged him to sing for me...

...it really brought
a lump to my throat.

I'm a little chocked up myself, sir.

I'll never forget this, Tony.

I can hardly wait till Friday night.

This could break
General Peterson's heart.

Oh, master, why do you not think
before you get into these things?

I know. Why do we not talk
to Mr. Sammy Davis?

I told you, Jeannie.
He does two shows a night.

He's a very busy man
when he's up on stage-

It's happening again.

- You're Major Nelson?
- Yeah, that's right.

Don't worry about it.
We're both cracking up.

We're sharing
the same nervous breakdown.

Oh, you are not having
a nervous breakdown.

- I will tell you-
- I'll tell him. I'll tell him.

- Please, sit.
- Yes, sir.

Now, Mr. Davis,
this is not gonna be easy.

I tell you what. Let me help you.
It's a time machine, right?

- No, no, it's not a time machine.
- You both are putting me on?

Putting you-?
Oh, no, no.

- I'm not putting you on.
- Well, I tell you what, major.

Suppose you don't
even mention it to me.

Don't tell me what it is
because it would only make me...

...so nervous
I'd go out of my mind.

I don't have to tell you
how top-secret this is.

- Lips are sealed.
- Good.

Who is she?

- Oh, I'm his-
- My assistant.

Nothing's too good
for our boys in service.

- Oh, that's very good.
- Master...

...why don't you tell him
about the party.

- About the what?
- The party.

Oh, yes, yes.

General Peterson's having
a celebration on Friday night.

He's a very big fan of yours,
Mr. Davis.

Oh, well, thanks very much.

Well, we were wondering
if you could do-

Maybe give a performance.
Maybe a little number?

Oh, I spoke to Jim about that
and we tried to work it out...

- ... but unfortunately it can't be done.
- I figured it out.

We can have a jet pick you up
and have you back there in-

Major, I would love to.

I really mean I'd love to be there,
but unfortunately-

Let me put it this way:
If I could, I would.

- Would you really?
- Yes, of course.

I think I can arrange it.

No, no, no. Now, wait a minute.

Now, Jeannie. Please.

What are you doing here?

My lips are sealed.

Hey, you are a wonderful audience.

You're definitely an .

Thank you. You're really good.
Thank you so much.

And now, ladies and gentlemen...

...the management takes
great pleasure and definite pride-

- to introduce to you all here, one of
America's greatest entertainers.

Mr. Sammy Davis, Jr.!

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you very, very much.

General, major,
ladies and gentlemen...

...may I simply say
what a tremendous thrill it is...

...to have the privilege
of trying to entertain you.

Thank you very, very much.

Stay in the car.

You four men go that way...

...I'll take the buckboard
into town.

I can't tell you how I enjoyed it.
Sensational performance.

We're happy the hotel
gave you the night off.

Yeah, it was certainly nice of them.

I can't tell you
how much I appreciate it.

- Thank you, general.
- I said it the first time I saw you...

...and I'll say it again.

When you're up on that stage,
you do the work of two people.

I really think it was the greatest
evening in the general's life.

Oh, I am pleased that I was
able to help you, master.

Yeah, well, after all, who got me
into the situation in the first place?

Stay out of sight, will you?

Just stay there.

- Oh, hi, Sammy.
- Hi, Tony.

We were just talking about
how wonderful you were last night.

- I'm glad you enjoyed it.
- I appreciate what you did for us.

- Mind doing a little favour for me?
- Anything.

- Anything at all?
- Oh sure, anything.

Get rid of him.