02x25 - My Master, the Pirate

[bunniefuu]

What is it? What's the matter?

Oh, master,
what has happened to you?

- What do you mean?
- You've turned green.

Jeannie, it's all right.
It's my skin-diving outfit.

- What?
- Thank heavens.

I thought that while I was sleeping,
someone had turned you into that.

But where are you going, master?
It is : in the morning.

Well, it's gonna be dawn
in a couple of minutes.

I'm going down to the beach.

Dressed like that?

Oh, Roger and I are going hunting
for sunken treasure.

Oh, that is a waste of time, master.

I can give you all the treasures
you desire.

Oh, no, if you don't mind,
I'd rather find it myself.

If I lived to be another years old,
I will not understand you.

It's not the treasure I am interested in,
Jeannie, it's the hunt, you see.

How do you know
there is treasure there?

Well, I don't know exactly.

It's just that a lot of pirate ships used
to ply the waters off the coast there...

...and it's rumoured that Captain Kidd
had a ship go down with treasure on it.

Who is this Captain Kidd?

Oh, I was just reading
about him here.

Let's see. Captain Kidd...

William Kidd started out
as a respectable seamen.

The British government sent him out
to harass the French fleet in .

His men forced him to turn renegade
and he became a pirate.

Well, he was quite a fellow. It took
the whole British navy to look for him.

I am sure he was
not as brave as you, master.

Oh, Jeannie. I'd hate to have
tangled with him, I'll tell you that.

I am sure you would have
beaten him, master.

- I doubt it.
- Oh, yes, you would have.

- Is that all right with you, fellas?
- Yeah!

- Hey, you!
- Oh, who? Me?

- Yeah, you!
- k*ll him, Captain Kidd.

With pleasure. Prepare to die!

Now, wait a minute.

Jeannie! Jeannie!

Jeannie! Jeannie!

What's keeping you so long, huh?
I want-

Get him, master!

I told you-!

I'm sorry, captain.

Wait! Will you wait?

k*ll him, master!

He b*at Captain Kidd.

Any orders, captain?

- Captain?
- You b*at Captain Kidd.

You're our new leader.

Well, I certainly appreciate
your offer...

...but I'm afraid
I'm not gonna be able to stay.

You ain't thinking
of running out on us, are you?

No, no, but I do have-

Because the only way anyone
ever leaves this crew is feet first.

Feet first.

Any orders?

No, no, not at the moment...

...but if I have any,
I'll certainly let you know.

Aye, aye, captain.
Back to work, you lubbers.

- You.
- Me, sir?

Yes. I want to see you alone.

Oh, well, I have a lot of work to do,
Captain Master.

No, no, no, I want to talk-

What do you want to do
with the prisoner?

Prisoner? What prisoner is that?

The girl we captured
from the British frigate.

Oh, yes, yes. That prisoner.

Do you want to k*ll her,
or do you want me to?

- k*ll her?
- I'll do it.

No, no, no, I'll do it. I'll do it.

Have fun.

Boy.

Hey, that's my cabin.

Well, you're certainly
a messy housekeeper.

Clean that place up.

No, no, no,
she's in the captain's cabin.

Where else?

- I'll call you when I need you.
- Oh, but-

Don't touch me.

There's nothing to worry about.

I'm Major Anthony Nelson,
United Stated Air Force.

I just want to cut your ropes.

- Did you call me, captain?
- No, I did not.

If I want you,
I'll certainly let you know.

- Now, go upstairs and swab the decks.
- Aye, captain.

How did you
get on this ship anyway?

As if you didn't know.

- What did you do with the others?
- What others?

Don't pretend you and your crew
didn't board the Yarmouth and sink it.

But you'll pay for it.

Right now, there's a British frigate
searching for you.

I don't have anything to do with this.

I'm just passing by.
I'm gonna help you escape from here.

- Do you really mean that?
- Yes.

- I told you if I need you-
- Master!

I think we'd better leave, quickly.

We can't leave now.
They're gonna k*ll this girl.

If you stay,
they are going to k*ll you.

I heard them talking up on deck.

The first mate wants to
take over the ship.

He can have it,
but I won't leave here without her.

Very well, master.

I will try to find out
how they plan to k*ll you.

Oh, you were right, master,
this is so exciting!

- Who was that?
- Oh, that was an old friend of mine.

My husband will pay you well
if you save me.

He'll give you anything.

Oh, that's not necessary.

Forgive me.
I haven't introduced myself.

I'm Lady Diane Nelson.

Oh, I'm Major Anthony Nelson-

- Did you say Lady Diane Nelson?
- Yes.

Are you married to
Lord Charles Alfred Nelson?

- You know my husband?
- Know him?

He's my great, great,
great, great grandfather.

I beg your pardon.

That means that you're my great,
great, great, great grandmother.

What are you talking about?

You're gonna have a son
named William...

...and you're gonna have a daughter
named Priscilla.

That is, if I can get you off this boat.
If I can't, I'm not gonna be born!

Don't do that. Please.

- What're you doing here?
- What's taking you so long?

- We can't k*ll her.
- What?

I mean, I mean,
we can't k*ll her now.

Look, I think we should
t*rture her a little bit.

She's probably got plenty of hidden
treasure she could tell us about-

Oh, good thinking.

Yeah, go boil some water.

- Boil some water?
- And heat up a branding iron.

Oh, right, skipper.

Oh, no! No, you promised!

- Oh, you promised! You promised me!
- I'm not gonna let anybody hurt you.

I was just using that
to stall for some time.

But, how are you going to
get me off the ship?

I've got a very influential friend.
Now you just stay right there.

Don't go away. Be calm.

Don't go away.

Jeannie, where have you been?
Give me that thing.

You're gonna cut your head off.

- Are you ready to leave, master?
- I can't leave yet.

- You know who that girl is?
- No.

That's my great, great,
great, great grandmother.

Really?
Well, I never would've known it.

She does not look a bit like you.

That's not the point. The point is,
if I don't get her off this ship...

...there's not gonna be any me.

How are you going to
rescue her, master?

You are in as much danger
as she is.

You should-
You should hear their plans for you.

I'm gonna sneak her off the ship
and get her on that island.

She said there's a frigate
looking for the pirates.

- I'll find a way of signalling them.
- Oh, that's a wonderful idea-

Hey, you, back to work.

- Yeah, yeah, get back to work.
- Aye, aye, sir.

The iron will be hot in a minute.

When it's through, I just can't wait
to see her walk the plank.

Yeah, yeah, it'll be a billion laughs.

I don't trust that one.

He has an honest face.

Get the men and let's take him now.

Aye, aye, mate.

I have a plan.
I'm gonna get you off this boat.

How? How?

I want you to put on
these clothes.

We're gonna sneak you off
and over to the island.

That frigate ought to be along
any minute now.

And we'll send up smoke signals.

Master! Master!

- Oh, hurry, they're coming after you.
- Why?

- To k*ll you.
- Oh, Jeannie, they can't do that.

I'm the captain of this boat.

What do we do now?

We're going to change our plans.

There they are. Get them.

All right, stand back.
Stand back, I mean it.

All right, you asked for it.

- Go up the steps.
- There are no back steps.

They don't build ships
the way they used to.

Grab him.

No, no, no!

Take your hands off of me.
I don't think you know who I am.

I happen to be Major Anthony Nelson,
in the Air Force of the United States.

If you're wise,
you'll let me walk out of here.

Oh, you want to take a walk,
do you?

All right. Tomorrow at sunrise...

...you'll walk the plank.

- Take them to the brig.
- Now, wait a-

Take your hands off me-
Oh, all right.

Lay them up.

Hey, wait a minute.

Which one of you
wants to walk the plank first?

Let him walk the plank.

But the girl,
you save the girl for us, huh?

No, no, no,
they both got to walk the plank.

We don't want any witnesses.

Here! Now let's move.

Yes.

Wait a second.

Ladies first.

Give my regards to Captain Kidd,
will you now?

This isn't legal. You can get
in a lot of trouble for this.

Oh, really? Well, don't keep
the sharks waiting now, will you?

There's a British man-of-w*r
approaching.

It's heading this way.

What are we gonna do?
They will sink us.

No, they won't.

Not as long as we hold
Lady Diane prisoner.

They're getting away!
After them, after them!

After them, after them!
They're getting away.

Are they gonna catch us?

- What now?
- There's nothing to worry about.

- We'll hide here until the British arrive.
- Master, may I help you?

No, certainly not.

- Well, then I'm going to leave.
- Why?

Because, I do not want to stay
and watch them bury you at sea.

Now look what you've-
Now, you see what you've done?

Now you see what you did-?
Would you please relax?

Believe me, I have everything
completely under control.

You two go ahead.
I'll try and hold them off.

Thanks, thanks a lot.

You are the bravest master
I have ever had.

Come on, mateys.

Thank you. Jeannie, get going,
will you? They're coming.

Go on.

Jeannie, what is this?

Jeannie! What is this?

Master, let us get out of here.

Yeah, we're not gonna
be able to hold out much longer.

Lady Diane,
would you excuse me, please?

- What are you doing?
- I have a plan, Jeannie.

I'm gonna make a white flag.

If I give myself up, maybe they'll
let you and Lady Diane go.

I won't let them capture me again.

What is your next plan, master?

It's no use. They're closing in.

- We gotta get her out of here.
- I know.

- If they k*ll her, there will not be a you.
- Yeah.

And I would not like that very much.

Neither would I.

I know what I will do.

Attention!

- The marines have landed.
- Oh, they are not marines, master.

They're British soldiers
from the frigate.

That's just a figure of speech,
Jeannie.

I'll never say an unkind word
about you again.

Take aim, fire!

- Can't you do anything right?
- I am sorry, master.

Now, we're really in a trap. If the
pirates don't sh**t us, the British will.

- Hey! Hey, fellas! Hey!
- Ready, take aim, fire.

- Here, try once more, master.
- Where's the flag?

- Give me the flag.
- Right here.

Hold your fire.

- That did it.
- We're saved.

Jeannie, I'm sorry, I-

I know, I know, you will never say
another unkind word about me again.

I only said it in the heat of action.
Hey, hey there, here we come...

...you know, British flag!

Hey. Hey. Hey, flag, see!

Lady Diane, are you all right?

Now I am.

- Get the rest of those pirates.
- Hey!

Boy, you're a sight for sore eyes.

You got here just in time.

- Hang him.
- Hang? Wait a minute.

- I'm one of the good guys.
- Captain, this man saved my life.

Anybody would've done it.

We have orders to hang
all pirates on sight.

I happen to be Major Nelson,
United States Air Force...

- ... on detached service to NASA.
- Is there no way to save him?

None, ma'am.
We're under king's orders.

Escort Lady Diane to the ship.

- Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.
- Goodbye.

I guess you're not going to be my
great, great, great, great grandson.

I guess I'm not. Here.

- Continue the execution.
- Jeannie!

Jeannie! Jeannie!

Wait a minute. Jeannie.

Hey, wait a minute, this is a mistake.
Wait a minute, you guys.

Jeannie! Jeannie!
Now, come on, I mean it. Just-

Wait a minute, you guys.

I'm not exactly who I seem.
Please.

Jeannie!

Attention!

Ready...

Wait a minute.

Go!

- Knock that-
- Oh, that was fun, master.

- Can we do it again?
- No.

Would you please get me out of this?

I told you you'd b*at
Captain Kidd, master.

The next time I open my mouth,
don't listen.

Oh, it was nothing, master.

- Yes, can I help you?
- Got anything that needs k*lling, mate?

- How did you get here?
- In my car.

In your car?

I'm from the Quick k*ll
Exterminating Service.

If you got them, we k*ll them.

It's remarkable.

That's right, mate.
And we guarantee all our work.

Would you like a demonstration?

Oh, no, thank you
I've had a very trying day.

Perhaps some other time, yes?

Just as you say, mate.

I'll be back. Cheerio.

- Did you see him? Did you see him?
- Yes, master.

It was the pirate.

Oh, I think it was his great,
great, great, great grandson.

Oh, yes, of course it was.

You know what?

He's still in the same business.

That was very good, master.

Well, I was just practicing up.
My sword arm's a little sore.

You know,
I have to keep it in shape.

Did you enjoy being a pirate,
master?

Well, I shouldn't admit it,
but, yeah, I loved it.

Oh, I am glad!

Are there any other pirates
you would like to meet?

No, no, no.
You've met one, you've met them all.

Oh, I suppose so.

I liked your great, great,
great, great grandmother.

Oh, yes.
She was wonderful, wasn't she?

I have a little trouble thinking of her
as a sweet little old lady.

- She had a lot of courage.
- Oh, yes.

And your great, great, great, great
grandfather was very brave also.

- And handsome.
- I wonder what he looked like.

- Would you really like to know?
- Yes.

- No, I don't want to go back there.
- But this will interest you, master.

No, Jeannie, please.

Say, The Book of English Nobility.

How about that?

- There's Lady Diane.
- Oh, she is lovely.

What did her husband look like?

How about that.

I wonder what would've happened
if we hadn't been able to save her.

If I'd had the same grandfather,
but a different grandmother.

Would you really like to know,
master?

Yeah, yeah.
Would I look very different?

A little.

Now see here, Jeannie.

I don't think this is funny at all.
You're being absolutely ridiculous.

Now, you stop this.