02x29 - The Birds and Bees Bit

[bunniefuu]

Would you like
some hot chocolate, master?

Thank you, Jeannie.
You shouldn't have bothered.

Oh, it was no bother.

- Is there anything else you would like?
- No, no, you've done enough.

I wanna thank you
for that wonderful dinner.

Oh, it was my pleasure.

Hey, that's good.

- And for pressing my clothes.
- Oh, well, I enjoyed it.

And for cleaning the house
and washing the car.

You really didn't-
You didn't have to go that far.

- That's why I'm here, to please you.
- Oh, you please me, very much.

Oh, I am glad.

On Haji's birthday,
you wished to get rid of me.

Well, I know that, I'm sorry, but-

Well, when you cause
one of your disasters...

...it makes me a little nervous.
I really couldn't get along without you.

You will never have
to get along without me.

Good, good. I like things
just the way they are:

Quiet and peaceful, you know.

- Do you, master?
- Of course I do. Don't you?

Oh, yes. Yes, if you do.

How did I get this? Yeah.

If you do not need me any longer,
master, I will go to bed.

- Good night, master.
- Good night.

Before you-

"The Care and Feeding of Genies. "

This must be the book Roger sent me
for Christmas.

Let's see, " Blessed is he
who has a genie to do his bidding...

...but woe to him who lets his genie
get the better of him. "

That was written by an expert.

" It is written that only the spell of Haji
can take away the power of a genie.

If, however, a genie marries a mortal,
its power vanishes forever. "

I'll remember old Haji.

"A genie is full of tricks and wiles.

If its master-"

" It is written that only the spell of Haji
can take away the power of a genie.

If, however, a genie marries a mortal,
its power vanishes forever. "

Jeannie! Jeannie!

- I've gotta talk to you-
- Anything wrong?

You know if you married a mortal,
you wouldn't be a genie anymore?

Oh, yes. Any genie knows that.

- But is it true, really true?
- Well, of course. Why?

Don't make any plans for tomorrow.
You and I are getting married. Married.

Tomorrow night? No, no, I'm busy.

Roger.

Busy, yes.

How about next week, okay?

Yes, you know I love you.

Goodbye, Mother.

- Well, what's up?
- Like to fly to Maryland with me?

- Do we have a mission?
- I'm getting married.

- You're kidding.
- I'm marrying Jeannie.

- Jeannie?
- Yeah.

- Our Jeannie?
- Yeah, that's right.

Now, listen to me.

Now, listen to me very closely.

Jeannie's done something to make
you think you're gonna marry her.

But you're not,
because I'm going to save you.

Yeah, Roger, I wanna marry her.

Come on, you gotta snap out of it.
Can you hear me?

Roger. Roger! I'm under no spell.
The whole thing was my idea.

Your idea? You know you can't
marry Jeannie. She's a genie.

She's not gonna be a genie anymore.
I just found out.

If she marries a mortal,
she stops being a genie.

- Yeah, who told you that?
- I read it in a book.

- Yeah, well, I bet she wrote the book.
- Oh, brother.

Wait a minute.
Let's not rush into these things.

Think about it for a couple of years,
then you can marry her-

I'm getting married to Jeannie.
You gonna be my best man or not?

Well, if I can't stop you,
I might as well join you.

Thank you, Roge.

- You got yourself a best man.
- Well, thanks.

I'll also keep myself available
for your court martial.

There's nothing to worry about.

Once Jeannie and I are married,
she'll be an average housewife.

- What time will you leave?
- Look at this, huh?

- What time are we leaving?
- : plane.

- That gives me six hours.
- To do what?

Well, I've got a few calls to make.
See you later.

It's my office.

Jeannie? I've gotta talk to you.

Did Major Nelson tell you
we're getting married tonight?

- He did mention it.
- Oh, isn't that exciting!

You don't know how exciting.
A former astronaut married to a genie.

Yes, is it not wonderful?

A former-

A former astronaut?

Think they'll keep him
when they find out about you?

But why not?
I will no longer be a genie.

Oh, great. That's just great.

Oh, great, a former genie
married to an astronaut.

- How could you do this to him?
- But I love him.

And he loves me.
He asked me to marry him.

He's marrying you
because he has some crazy idea...

...that once you're married,
you won't be a genie.

But it is true.

- How do you know?
- It is in our legend.

You'll jeopardize Tony's whole career
on a legend you're not even sure of?

I know how I can find out.

- Haji.
- Who's Haji?

He's the master of all the genies.
He's most powerful.

Yeah, why don't you talk to him.
I can leave, then maybe I can come-

Oh, thank you, Haji, for coming here.

I hope it's something important.
This is my busy time of the month.

- Who's this?
- Oh, I'm Major Roger Healey, sir.

- I'm on detached duty to NASA.
- Yes.

- Why did you call me?
- I need your help.

- I am thinking about getting married.
- Excellent.

It's about time.

I knew you'd soon tire
of your dog of a master.

You are going to marry Ali,
the tent-maker?

- No.
- Omar, the oasis-keeper?

- No.
- Sharif, the camel king?

- No.
- No? Then who?

Tony, the dog of a master.

What?

- You are going to marry your master?
- Oh, yes.

Is it not true that if I marry my master,
I will lose all my powers as a genie?

Yes. It is so written.

- You see?
- Well, I don't care if it's written or not.

The marriage is gonna be a disaster.

And I say I'd make Major Nelson
very happy.

It's my opinion against your opinion.

That's a draw.
Let's forget the whole thing.

- Yes.
- One moment.

Is it possible for you to show him
what it would be like?

Haji could do anything.

- Look at that. Very good.
- Quiet.

Watch.

Look into the crystal ball.

Oh, that duck, I can tell you,
was absolutely heavenly.

Amanda, why don't you ask
Mrs. Nelson for the recipe?

I'd like the recipe
for the creamed caramel.

You're all most kind.

Shall we take our coffee
in the living room?

Excuse us.

- Oh, that was wonderful.
- Amanda, remember...

Oh, that was wonderful.
I'll help clear the table.

It would only take me a second.

I keep forgetting.

And, believe me,
I like it better this way.

The sauce, it seems
to take you into orbit.

Sit here, darling.
You'll be more comfortable.

- Thank you.
- Oh, Alfred darling...

- ... look at that beautiful rug.
- Beautiful.

- Jeannie made it in a weaving class.
- Made-?

Allow me, dear.

You're certainly a lucky man,
Colonel Nelson.

I think so, sir.

- Last night, we had meat loaf.
- Alfred makes marvellous meat loaf.

Jeannie, that's a beautiful dress.
Where did you get it?

- Oh, thank you. I made it.
- She makes all her own clothes.

Make-? Oh, for heaven's sake.

She wanted to make all of his
uniforms, but he wouldn't let her.

We had to draw the line somewhere.

She's gonna build on
an extra room?

- What?
- She's wonderful with her hands.

And to think I was against
this marriage.

Why were you against the marriage?

Well, I-

He probably wanted to keep
her for himself.

Yeah. Well, I didn't think it was fair
for one man to have her.

It's hard to keep a girl like that
bottled up.

I hate to break up such an evening,
but we should be running along.

- We ought to be going too.
- Yeah.

Yes. I haven't done
this morning's dishes yet.

Funny. Funny, dear.

- You don't really have to go now.
- There's no question about it.

This marriage is the greatest thing
that ever happened to you.

- I agree, sir.
- The perfect marriage.

- The perfect marriage.
- Perfect marriage.

The perfect marriage.
The perfect marriage.

- Boy, was I ever wrong?
- I told you, Major Healey.

Are you sure that's the way
it's going to be?

You have seen it with your own eyes.

- Can I ask you something?
- Yes.

You know that girl
that was my date?

Well, I've never met her before.
You happen to have her number?

- Sure you want to marry one of these?
- Oh, yes.

You won't miss having the powers
of a genie?

No. I will have something greater.

You know what this will do
to your mother and father?

- Yes.
- I won't tell them you married a mortal.

I will tell them that you were k*lled
in a chariot accident.

Oh, thank you, Haji.

There's nothing more to say.

This is the last time
I will see you, Jeannie.

- Farewell.
- Farewell, Haji.

And thank you.

About that telephone number,
I thought maybe-

Oh, boy, was I ever wrong.
Oh, was I ever wrong.

Then you are no longer
against the marriage?

Against a perfect marriage?
This is the greatest thing for Tony.

Oh, thank you.

Hey, we'd better get ready.
We've got a wedding to go to.

Boy, my old buddy getting married.
Gee, it's hard to believe.

- We sure had some great times.
- Yeah.

I have a feeling you'll be
married soon.

So do I. I think I've found a girl,
but I can't get her telephone number.

- Whose number?
- I don't know. I haven't met her yet.

Did you talk to Dr. Bellows
about getting married yet?

No. I thought I'd wait
until after the honeymoon.

- I didn't know how he'll take it.
- I wouldn't worry.

He said it'll be a perfect marriage.

Yeah.

You're getting married?

Tonight?

Yes, sir. I have some leave accrued,
and I thought we'd fly to Maryland.

Yeah, I'm gonna be the best man.

I haven't met the young lady,
but if she's the right kind of wife...

...it could be exactly
what you've needed.

- Believe me, sir, she's most unusual.
- Unusual?

She puts on his slippers, and she's
building an extra room in the house.

I'm very anxious to meet her.

You will. She'll make you the most
marvellous press duck dinner.

We'll have that dinner as soon as
you're back from honeymoon.

I've gotta get that
girl's telephone number.

- Are you planning on a large family?
- Yes, sir. We both love children.

- Well, congratulations.
- Thank you very much, sir.

Children?

Why did you summon me again?

Oh, I am sorry to trouble you, Haji,
but we are a little worried.

A little worried? We were panicky.

If Jeannie marries a mortal,
are their children mortals or genies?

Mortals.

But sometimes they may be genies.
There's no way of knowing.

We've got to know.
Can we look in the future?

I'm late for an appointment
in Samara.

- Oh, please, please.
- Please?

Please.

Very well.

" Insert flap A into flap B
after sealing C into position F."

Yeah, we've already done that, right?

" Do not fasten the widgets together
until a square has been-"

Jeannie.

- Would you...?
- Oh, yes.

Darling, Daddy's trying
to concentrate.

- That's right.
- Can you fix it, Daddy?

Oh, sure. There's nothing to it.
It says right here:

"Any child over the age of can
assemble this house in minutes. "

It's going to be
a beautiful dollhouse.

Come, Anthony, help Mommy.

Let's see,
" Don't fasten the widgets together...

...until a square has been formed
by folding Z over Y."

That shouldn't be hard, huh?

We've got Z.

They never tell you which
is in the diagram.

I tell you what,
why don't you study this for a while.

Your daddy's got some phone calls
to make.

Did Daddy help you again?

- Yes.
- Why don't you go ahead and do it.

All right.

Boy, what a great house.

I told you never to do that, darling.

- But I wanted my dollhouse.
- Oh, please, darling...

...if your father knew about this,
it would make him terribly nervous.

Please, promise me,
never, never ever do it again.

And, Anthony, do not-

- Dr. Bellows.
- Hello.

Forgive us for dropping in
like this...

- ... but we were just passing by.
- We were nowhere near.

We just wanted to see the children.

- Hello.
- Amanda, look how they've grown.

This is for you, young man.
Come here, next to your Uncle Alfred.

Let's lean down here and see-
I bet you can't guess what it is.

- How lovely.
- Come on.

An airplane?

Now, what makes you think
it's an airplane?

- Look, a fire engine.
- I wanted an airplane.

He's just crazy about fire engines.

Pardon me.

- This is for you.
- Thank you, Mrs. Bellows.

You're welcome.

- He's hungry.
- Yes.

Look, Amanda,
she's trying to feed him.

Won't you come in the house
and have a cup of coffee?

Well, thank you, but we just
had some coffee. But anyway.

- Please, come in.
- Thank you, dear.

- Hi, Dr. Bellows.
- Forgive us for intruding, colonel.

We had to see the children.

They brought them wonderful toys.

You all shouldn't have done that.
Every time you come, you spoil them.

Oh, don't be silly. We enjoy it.
They're wonderful children.

- Oh, yes. They take after their father.
- They take after their mother.

- Let's watch them play.
- Well, how about some coffee?

- We just had some.
- You haven't had Jeannie's.

- She makes excellent coffee.
- Have some of my coffee.

You know, I swore I just saw-

No, no, no, it couldn't be.
Didn't I bring a fire engine?

Why don't we-?

Jeannie, you knew about this.
Why didn't you tell me?

- I did not wish to worry you.
- Worry me?

Major-

Look, your son...

...he's flying through the air,
and it's not even an airplane.

- It's a fire engine.
- Make him come down.

Anthony- Jeannie, do something.

- Anthony! Anthony!
- Anthony!

You come down this minute!

Stop it! Stop it!

- You listen to your mother.
- Come on, Anthony, I'm not kidding.

It's one of those things that just
happens. You come down this minute.

Oh, no, you're not gonna
get out of it this time, colonel.

Anthony, you come down right
this minute. Listen to your mother.

Jeannie, would you do something?

I told you he was hungry.

Now, Anthony, you come down right
this minute. Would you do something?

They're going to court martial him.
They're going to court martial him.

You've seen he's had no luck
with his son.

But his daughter will be a genie.

Tell him that before you marry him.
It is so written.

- Yes. Yes, I will tell him.
- Good. I must go now.

I warn you-
I warn you, do not disturb me again.

You've gotta get hold of Tony.

- What for?
- To tell him the marriage is off.

- Why would the marriage be off?
- Why would-? You saw what happened.

Well, yes, but I will not let it happen.
I love him too much.

Well, if you're not
gonna tell him, I am.

Jeannie! Jeannie!

- Forgive me, Major Healey.
- Are you kidding?

Get me down from here right now!

As soon as the wedding is over.

Jeannie, you've gotta get me
out of this place.

You'll be all right there
until we return.

All right?

I'm truly sorry you cannot be
our best man.

Goodbye.

Jeannie, don't go! Not now!

Jeannie?

Jeannie?

- Jeannie!
- I am ready, master.

Good, good. Well, I'll pack a suitcase,
and we'll be on our way.

- We are all packed, master.
- Yes, I can see that.

Well, thank you very much.
Oh, has Roger called?

- No.
- No?

He ran out of Dr. Bellow's office
this morning...

...and I haven't seen him since.

- Perhaps he is tied up.
- Yeah. Yeah.

Well, he probably found
that girl's phone number, huh?

- We'll have to get along without him.
- That is what I told him.

- Oh, nothing.
- Okay.

The Girl from U.N. C.L.E.
always gets out of these things.

- Okay, Jeannie, I'm ready.
- Shall I blink us to Maryland?

No. No, we're gonna fly to Maryland.

I don't want you to use
anymore tricks.

- But it is so simple, master.
- No, no.

In a few hours, you're not gonna
be a genie anymore.

- You may as well get used to it.
- Yes, master.

Okay.

I have waited so long for this.

Mrs. Anthony Nelson.

We should've done this
a long time ago.

Oh, I want to make you a good wife.

I have a feeling we're not gonna have
a worry in the world.

Let me call Roger one more time.

I also have a feeling that something
really important hung him up.

Jeannie, wait till I get
my hands on you.

Oh, what am I calling her for?
She's not gonna help me.

Haji!

Haji!

You can't hear me, can you?
You wanna know why?

Because you're deaf!
You're a deaf, dirty old man!

And your father's a dirty old man!

And you're a coward, you hear?
A coward!

You know what's gonna happen
when I get my hands on you?

Now we shall see who is the coward.

I'll tell you who's the coward, I am.

At least I'm not a genie,
I keep my word.

Are you saying that a genie
does not keep his word?

You told Jeannie
she couldn't marry...

...unless she told him one
of his children will be a genie.

That is so written.

Yeah, but she erased it. She's getting
married, and she didn't tell him.

Listen, it's not through cooking yet.

- He doesn't answer.
- I did not think he would. Let us go.

- This is not like Roger.
- We must not miss the plane.

You're right.

You're always right.

- Haji.
- We were just leaving.

- Where are you going?
- To Maryland.

- To get married.
- She told you about your children?

- My children?
- It is nothing.

- Tell him.
- I was going to.

What about my children?

Tell him.

Well...

...some of our children
may be genies.

Some of our children may be genies?

- Some of our children- You sure?
- Yes, master.

Great, we're right back
where we started from.

Imagine what chaos life is gonna be
with a bunch of little genies around?

You are my favourite genie,
and an adorable child.

But do not bother me again.

Are you all right? Are you all right?

- I will go unpack, master.
- Yeah. Jeannie, I'm sorry.

- But you should've told me.
- Yes, master.

- You understand, don't you?
- Yes, master.

Where's Roger?

- Roger?
- Yes.

I forgot Major Healey.

Major Healey! Major Healey!

- Jeannie, what is this place?
- Oh, this is where I left him.

Major Healey.

Roger?

Oh, is that you, Tony? Hey,
that Haji isn't such a bad guy after all.

I asked him for Sally's phone number,
and look what he gave me.

Hi, Jeannie.
Would you like a marshmallow?