07x35 - Asses to Ashes

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Melrose Place". Aired: July 8, 1992 –; May 24, 1999.
Follows the lives and loves of eight young adults in an apartment complex in Los Angeles.
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07x35 - Asses to Ashes

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TERRY: Sarah...!

No! Get Sarah!

(grunts, yells)

(smacks car)

Watch your eyes, Sarah!

- RYAN: It's okay.
- (crying): Daddy...

- We got her.
- I got to go back for Terry.

Are you okay?

TERRY: Oh! My hand!

- (Terry sobbing)
- (grunts)

RYAN: It's all right.

- (expl*si*n)
- (crying): Daddy...

- (loud expl*si*n)
- (gasping, crying)

Listen, I'm sorry I... (sighs)
I'm sorry I brought it up.

I know you been trying
to forget about this m*rder

your entire life, but I talked
to Visconti, and I just...

I'm sorry.

It's true.

I k*lled Kent Damarr.

Well, you were there,
but it was Eve that...

Who pushed him.

And I ran away, and halfway home

I realized I'd lost my bracelet.

It was in Kent's hand.

I found him in that hole
where Eve had put him.

I thought he was d*ad, but...

when I went to get the
bracelet out of his hand,

he grabbed me.

He would've k*lled
me, so I hit him.


Just that one time,
but it was enough.

Well, that's self-defense.


That's what I told my mother.

I told her the whole story,

and she made me swear
never to tell anyone.

She was friends
with Mrs. Damarr.

It was a class thing,
just like Eve always said.

So those visits to
prison to see Eve were...

Out of guilt,

and to see if she
remembered anything.

And now she has.

Guess it's my turn for prison.

(whispers): No.

That's not gonna happen.

I'm not gonna let that happen.

LEXI: All right, Eve, we
don't have any time to waste.

It's the element of
surprise... That's the key.

You remembered
everything, every little detail.

You know, that's
enough information

to put Amanda away for life?

People get nailed with
this repressed-memory stuff

all the time.

Mm. Ah, first we're
gonna need someone

to record your
official statement.

You know, a D.A.,
assistant D.A. type.

Oh, : . Bet someone'll
still be in the office.

A little call to information.

MAN: Directory
assistance. This is Bob.

City and listing...



Thanks for your effort,
but I'll take it from here.




♪ Sweet ♪

♪ Memories ♪

♪ I will keep ♪

♪ You with me ♪

♪ And I will wait ♪

♪ Eternally ♪

♪ For your return ♪

♪ So patiently ♪

♪ I'll leave

♪ The light on ♪

♪ If you decide ♪

♪ You need to see me ♪

♪ Sometime ♪

♪ I will remember ♪

♪ All my lifetime ♪

♪ Through the years ♪

♪ As time goes by ♪

♪ You'll be forever ♪

♪ On my mind. ♪

(fading out): ♪ Sweet... ♪

EVE: Come in.

- Hey, Michael. What's doing?
- Well, you tell me.

- This is Lexi's place, isn't it?
- Yeah.

I'm just looking after
things while she's away.

Oh, she didn't tell you?

- No.
- Oh. This big new account

landed in her lap.

She had to go out of
town to close the deal.

(Michael clears throat)

Um... close the deal?

Seal, close, seal,

- one of the two.
- Yeah, well, I'm just surprised that

she would take time off
from her main obsession,

which is, mainly, using
you to destroy Amanda.

Which I have no problem
with, don't get me wrong.

It's just that...

well, I'm afraid she'd doing it

only so that she can
get Peter for herself.

Well, then I got
good news for you.

It didn't work.

See, all of the things I
was supposed to remember

to put Amanda away for m*rder,
none of it actually happened.

It was just some whacky
stuff I dreamed up.

Hey, you better

go easy with that
fish food, you know.

You overfeed them, they die.

Oops. Well, lock
up when you leave.

Oh. And, Michael...

just so you know, Lexi is
still madly in love with you.

That's her words exactly.

So you see, there really
is nothing to worry about.

- (chuckles)
- (siren wailing in distance)

- (Eve sighs)
- (muffled grunt)

Ah, no need to worry...
Your fish are fine.

Oh, would you stop

with that squirming... What
good is it gonna do you?

You know, I could've k*lled
you, but I didn't. (chuckles)

Oh, by the way, I
ran into Michael,

and I told him

that you were out of town

and that you were
madly in love with him.

He seemed genuinely touched.

(Eve laughs)

Mmm, I bet... you are wondering

about my master plan.

Well, it's kind of involved,

but I'll cut right to the chase.

I am going...

to k*ll...


and Peter.


Gives you a shiver, doesn't it?

(pops lips) Anyway...

I have got oodles to do.

You have yourself
a great day, honey.

(door closes)

She checks out okay.

We could take her home.

But I could still go to your
wedding reception, right?

One piece of cake;
in bed by : .

Aunt Terry!

Hi, sweetie.

- You're all right.
- Yeah.

You okay?

Bruised and sore knees. (laughs)

I don't know what
I was thinking.

I just couldn't bear
to lose Sarah, and...

faced with your happiness
about the wedding, I...

You know what? We-we understand.


I know now what Callie meant

when she was in
the car, trapped,

and she said, "Take Sarah."

She wanted you to do
more than just save her.

She wanted you to raise her.

And I just couldn't
admit that to myself.

(voice breaks): I hope
you can forgive me.

Yeah, we do.

(quietly): Thank you.

It's all over now.

Come on.

- MEGAN: Okay.
- (Ryan chuckles)


- Kyle. Hi.
- Hey!

- Thank God you're okay.
- Oh, yeah, I am fine.

Everybody's fine.

Man, what a weird day.

- You know, this got me thinking.
- Yeah, me, too.

And, um, there's still
something that I have to tell you.

Yeah, you know
what? I mean, I think...

are we rushing things?

I mean, 'cause...

I don't know, I just,
I've been thinking

maybe we should take our time.

You know, we'll travel,
we'll see the world...

and then we'll jump
into the heavy stuff.

(shakily): Uh... Kyle...

I'm pregnant.


Well, I mean, like I said, you
know, who needs to travel?

Why take our time?
We can just jump right in.

- This is incredible!
- (laughs)

Oh, my God!

A-Are you sure? I mean,
a second ago you were...

This is everything that
I have always wanted.

(laughs): Okay.

I got a doctor's
appointment in five minutes,

but... are you sure?

I mean, a-are you happy?

Is this really what you want?

Look into my eyes.

Do I not look like
the happiest man

on the face of the planet? Yes!


There you are! Don't you
answer your pages anymore?

- Well, what is it?
- It's Shulman again.

She's onto the
children's fund fiasco.

Remember, the missing
funds, the returned funds?

Well, you wouldn't believe the
questions she's been asking.

And she suspects you, Peter.

Well, did it ever occur to
you to be honest with her

and tell her you're responsible
for the embezzlement?

Well, I tried. I mean,
almost, kind of.

I sort of tried to
take the blame.

But she's after you, Peter,
saying that anything I say

is just a friend
covering for a friend,

and... all the
evidence, unfortunately,

is on your hard drive.

Because I was
covering for what you did!

- MAN: Excuse us.
- What's going on here?

Wait, hey, that's my
computer! What are you doing?

We're confiscating it, Doctor.

It's being sent to
the D.A.'s office.

Warrant's in my pocket.

Warrant? What...?

(Michael clears his throat)

Anything I can do to help,
buddy, just let me know.

Ooh. Oh, bad news?

We need to talk.

Ooh, you seem kind of rattled.

(Peter clears his throat)

So, what's going on
with this Amanda stuff?

You're making accusations?

Oh, Dr. Visconti should
keep his mouth shut.

He said something about
a repressed memory.

Tell me about that.

Thought that's what it was.

- But it's not.
- So it's not?

Yeah, I was having
these wacky dreams

that Amanda had something
to do with Kent Damarr's death,

but I was transforming
my jealousy into fantasy.

Then I realized it
was totally absurd.

(Eve laughs)

If I caused you and
Amanda any anxiety at all,

I am so, so sorry.

So you're okay with everything?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

More than okay.

It's like I had an epiphany.

Finally over you, Peter.

I'm over both of you.

Looks like late November.

I'll say the twenty-fifth.

That soon?

But I just got pregnant.

Actually, you're about two
and a half months along.

(sighs) You got to be kidding.

Oh, my God.

Michael's the father.


(instrumental jazz playing)

- (applause and cheering) -KYLE:
Okay, everybody gather around.

I would like to make a
toast to the bride and groom.

Um, to Megan,

the finest woman in the world,

or, uh, one of the finest
women in the world.

And to my little brother,
the luckiest man that I know.

- WOMAN: Aw.
- (laughter and chatter)

I now give you
Mr. and Mrs. McBride

in their first dance
as husband and wife.

- (cheers)
- Here, here.

(overlapping chatter)

(slow, romantic song plays)

How'd it go at the doctor's?

Great. Everything's fine.


(laughter and chatter)

Hey, guys, I'm so glad you came.

Peter, you told her, didn't you?

That all those horrible things

I was remembering were
nothing but harmless dreams?

Yeah, yeah, I told her.

Amanda, will you ever
be able to forgive me?

I mean, it just seemed
so real, so plausible.

I mean, you were

from the Damarrs'
same side of the tracks,

so a cover-up made
absolutely perfect sense.

But I know that you
would never do that to me.

Behind my back, I mean.

How could you
live with yourself?

I'm glad it's resolved.

Me, too. Now we can all be
friends again. You know, you

and me and Peter and Kyle.

All at the same party
together, getting along.

It's remarkable.

Yeah. Yeah, it is.

EVE: Well, I think
I'm gonna mingle.

I see a few single
men out there.

Wouldn't want to
miss any opportunities.


That wasn't very
reassuring, was it?

Not at all.

Wait. Uh, before we move on, I
have an announcement to make.

Um, Jane and I
are having a baby.

- MAN: Yeah.
- KYLE: So,

you are all invited
to our wedding.

MAN: Yeah.

They moved fast, huh?

You all right?

It's perfect.

It's perfect closure.

(excited, indistinct chattering)

chatter and laughter)

- Hey.
- Hey.

What is it? What's going on?

It's that obvious?

Uh, you love Kyle.

I thought you'd be overjoyed.

If it was his baby.

It's Michael's.

I'm two and a half months
along, not one, like Kyle thinks,

and like I thought
this afternoon.

I was working on a way
to tell him, but now I can't.

I'm... I'm just gonna
have to deal with it.

What do you mean, deal with it?

(sighs) I'm moving away.

I'm gonna write him a letter,
tell him whatever I have to,

and then go, and no one
will ever know where I am.

You can't do that.

What else can I do?

I have no other choice.

I can't stay here any longer.

I'm leaving tomorrow.

So, what? This is good-bye.


You've been a good friend.

I'm gonna miss you.

You can't tell anyone, okay?

No one can know.

No. It's our secret.

I better go before
someone misses us.

(seagulls cawing)

So... what do you think?

I mean, I hope I'm not
jumping the g*n or anything.

I would have knocked
if there was a front door.

It's on special order.

You know, beveled
glass, side lights.

Oh, it's gonna be
a beautiful house.

I'm happy for you.

I looked for you last
night, but you were gone.

Yeah. Well,

you think you can
manage something like that,

and then... emotion
sneaks up on you,

and... before you know
it, you're in full retreat.

Like right now.

I'm sorry to intrude.

Hey, hey. I know when
something is bothering you.

It's that telepathy thing
between two people

who were once
close and still are.

- Jane's leaving town.
- What?

Without a word. She's gonna
leave you a dear John letter.

You know, if you
hurry, you can catch her.

I heard her talking to Megan.

Oh, but why? I mean,
she's-she's having our baby.

It's not your baby.

It's Michael's.

She found out right before
the reception last night.

You know, I could never
give you your dream,

but Jane can and
will if you stop her.

WOMAN (over P.A.):
Dr. Warnick to Physical Therapy...

What the hell are
you doing in my office?

You know, I have
had it with you, Irene.

None of this is legal.

Search warrants, Doctor.

I'm Detective Tillis, White
Collar Crimes division, LAPD.

We found some discrepancies
on your hard drive, Doctor.

possible embezzlement.

- So, what, are you arresting me?
- TILLIS: Not yet.

But we do have questions.

Well, nothing's gonna happen

until I speak to my attorney.

TILLIS: I'd talk to him soon.

We're turning over our findings

to the DA this afternoon.

Don't leave town, okay?

I know what you're
thinking, Peter.

You're thinking, how could
this be happening to me?

I've got the money,
I've got the girl.

Where's my happy ending?

Well, here's my theory on that.

Live like a rat, die like a rat.

MAN (over P.A.):
Dr. Garcia to Anesthesiology.

Dr. Garcia to Anesthesiology.

- Kyle.
- Look, I know what you're doing.

I know the whole thing.
That it's Michael's baby.

- How did you find out?
- Doesn't matter how I found out.

You're right. It doesn't.

Look, where are you gonna go?

It's in the letter. I
left it in the bedroom.

I don't care who the father is.

I want to raise this
baby as my own.

Nothing is different.

You say that now,
but what happens

when you first hold the baby,
and you know it's not yours?

- That it's Michael's?
- No.

I am here to tell you

that I want to raise
this baby as our own.

(sighs) Are you
just saying this?

No. This is how I feel.

It's what I feel.

I wouldn't be trying
to stop you if I didn't.

You make it sound so simple.

We will raise this
baby together.

We will give it my name.

And Michael will never know.

It is simple.

It's as simple and
honest and true

as how much I love you.

Our child.

Our family.



There you are.

What? You go out of town
and you don't call me, huh?

(door closes)

And you come back
and you don't tell me?

Ah, to hell with that.

I'm just glad you're here.

Oh boy, I missed that backside.



♪ Oh, dreams ♪

♪ Come and share ♪

♪ Every moment... ♪

This is kind of like Nero

when Rome was burning.


No, we're dancing.
Nero, he fiddled.

Same idea.


You're scared aren't you?

I know I don't want
to be away from you.

Too bad they don't
have coed jails.

So how many years you
think we're looking at?

Oh, I don't know, me,
probably five to ten.

You, a few more.

Unless, of course, we just...

blow town.

talking, I like this.

Taking a big chunk of my cash,

we get out of the country
before anybody misses us.

And you don't think that's
the same as admission of guilt?

Well, who gives damn? I mean,
how does it get much worse?

How did you feel last
night at that reception?

I felt like a stranger.


We can be strangers anywhere.

You're right.

I mean, it makes sense,
I just wish it felt right.

(tires squealing)

That was Lexi's car.

WOMAN: Are you two okay?

Yeah, we're fine, we're fine.

I got a look at the
driver; it was a woman.

- With red hair?
- Yeah.

- Did you see her, too?
- I know her.

Well, listen, I
already called ,

and they're on their way, okay?

- Thank you.
- Thank you very much.

This is beautiful; now
Lexi's trying to k*ll us.

And you thought things
couldn't get any worse.


(muffled yelling)

- Okay.
- (muffled) Thank you.

Ah, blah.

What the hell is going on here?

Why did you hit me?

Shh, that wasn't me; that
was Eve dressed like me.

This is her place, and be
quiet; she could be right outside.

She told me she was
house-sitting for you.

- (chuckles)
- Ow.

Yeah, right.

I was bound and gagged in here.

Oh, Michael, that girl's
gone around the bend.

She's fruitier than a nut cake.

You're telling me.

She told me she dreamed
up all that stuff about Amanda.

- Like hell.
- Damn it.

Michael, she's only saying
that so she can throw Amanda

and Peter off track
before she kills them.

Come on, we got to go to
my place and call the cops.


Come on, come on.

It's this building.

It makes people nuts.

It happened to Kimberly;
she was the first.

Hey, maybe it's
the pool, the water.

You jump in, you go
bonkers, you know.

Sort of like the, uh,
the opposite of Lourdes.

Michael, shut up.

Ah, hit me in the
head with a hammer.


Kimberly, she hit me in
the head with a hammer.

Come to think of it,
I was pretty normal

when I moved in here, too.

I was a regular Joe, and
Jane was a regular Jane.

And Sydney and... ow, Amanda.

Yes, hello, police, um,

I'd like to report a
lunatic on the loose.

- (banging on door)
- Police, open up.

Well, that was fast.

Oh, you guys, please come in.

Have I got a story to tell you.

Are you Lexi Sterling?

- Yeah, yeah.
- You're under arrest

for the attempted m*rder of Peter
Burns and Amanda Woodward.

- What?
- Th-That's crazy.

What are you doing? Hey,
we were together all night.

We were locked in
Eve Cleary's bathroom.

- Yeah, in my underwear.
- Step aside, sir.

We have eye witnesses.

No, no, no, if she goes, I go.

- Fine, you're both under arrest.
- Hey!


I can't believe you're
doing this for me.

Part of the engagement; I'll
never leave your side again.

- Oh, I love you.
- Ditto, kiddo.


AMANDA: I don't
know; Lexi just hates me.

It's some kind of psychotic
form of competition.

She feels like I
stole her boyfriend,

so she's justified in
stealing everything I have.

That's her.

She tried to run us over.

MICHAEL: She couldn't
have. We were tied together

in Eve's bathroom all night.

Oh, there's an alibi
if I've ever heard one.

It was Eve you saw.

She was dressed
like me; she stole car.

- Let's go, come on.
- DETECTIVE: Hold on, hold on.

Now, let's hear what
the lady has to say.

She's lying.

No, no, it's Eve

that's a liar, saying that
she dreamt up that stuff

about the Kent Damarr m*rder.

She remembered it.

I took her back to Oakhurst.

She was hiding
under the bleachers,

and she saw you k*ll
Kent Damarr with that rock.

Who is Kent Damarr?

The man that Amanda m*rder.

PETER: Hold it; this
is crazy. We're talking

about a crime that was
solved years ago.

- Eve Cleary was convicted.
- No.

I did it. She's right.

I k*lled him.


No, I've...

I've lived with this
for too many years.

I let Eve go to prison
when I was just as guilty.

But it was self-defense.

- He attacked you.
- Yeah, that's not the way

that Eve saw it.

Miss Woodward.

Are you confessing
to this crime?


I suppose I am.

PETER: Don't.

Close the door.


- Lock it.
- (lock flips)

Is it true what I heard?

A-Amanda confessed
to k*lling Kent Damarr,

a-and Eve's memories
really are memories

and not fantasies?

She hasn't been charged,
pending an investigation.

So, Amanda's not in jail?

No, not yet.

Thank God.

Eve tried to k*ll us.


Do you know where she is?

No, I swear to God,
I don't, and, Peter,

you've got to believe me, if
I could have prevented this,

- any of it, I...
- Louis.

I need your help.

I need to rent your
cabin for a few days.

You and Amanda?

Give me the keys.

Okay, uh, here.

And take them.

Just keep the money.

If anyone asks about
the keys, I'll just...

I'll say they were stolen.

You're a good man, Louis.


You know, I-I heard
about your troubles.

- What's gonna happen?
- Oh, that's up to the authorities.

I can't imagine it will
be anything pleasant.

Anyway, I just came here to
see how things went with Jane.

Well, we're gonna have the baby.

I will raise it as my own,

and besides you,
no one will know.

So, it goes without saying
that you can't say anything

to Michael.

Oh, I doubt I'll
have the chance.

That sounds like a good-bye.

Everyone says they're
bad at good-byes,

but I really am.

Where you gonna go?

You have your secret,

I have mine.


You know, what
happened in Oakhurst,

that-that was a long time ago.

Oh, I'm all out of fight.

I've done a lot of
starting over in my life.

Hell, what am I saying?

I've lived a lot of lives.

About eight, I'm counting,

which gives me one left.


whichever one of
those lives was ours,

yours and mine, thanks.

It's so weird.

No matter how hard I try not to,

I'll miss you.

I'll miss you, too.

And this place, all the places.

And the people.


how long before Peter
makes you take this off?

I know exactly
when I'm taking it off.

When you have a daughter.

It'll be my gift

to the baby.

And if you have a boy, I'll
send you a baseball glove.

So long, you.

Have a good life.

You, too.

All right, baby.

Out of the pool, let's go.

We are getting married tonight.

Hey, this is Judge Hernandez.

I ran into him at
outpatient care.

Uh, he's a little out of it.

He just had a growth removed.

Uh, but anyway in lieu
of my inflated surgery fee,

he has agreed to perform
our ceremony tonight right here.

And Louis here has
agreed to be our witness.

(chuckles) Michael.

Forget it.

Honey, I'm not getting
out of this delicious pool.

All right, then.

We'll join you.

Let's go.

We'll do the abridged edition.

Do you, Michael Mancini,

take this woman, Lexi, to
be your lawfully wedded wife,

in sickness and health,
and all that other good stuff?

Yes, I do.

Do you, Lexi, take this
man, Michael Mancini,

to be all those same things?

You know what,
you better list them.


In sickness and
in health, for richer

or poorer,

promising to love,
honor, and trust

all the days of your lives?

Say, "I do."

Yeah, but I don't.

You said you would.

But I can't.

- You can't?
- She can't?

- You have to.
- I'm sorry, Mikey.

But you said you wanted to do
this right away; how much more

right away could we get?

Michael, two months,
three months down the road,

I'm gonna cheat on you
or lie or break your heart.

You're a great guy.

You don't deserve that.

I think we should, um,

just end it here before
it gets too deep, huh?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, too, Michael.

PETER: Well, so this time
tomorrow, we won't be here.

And we'll be out of
the country forever.

So, here.

Here's to our new life, huh?

Look, I don't want you to worry.

This is gonna work.

(chuckles) Just think about what
our romance has survived, huh?

Uh, husbands and wives,


There's something to
be said for that, right?

It's the forever
part that scares me.

You know, it scares
the hell out of me, too.

But we love each other, right?

That's why we're here.

And I-I have nothing
else to offer than that,

so if that's not enough...

It's everything.


Wait-wait a second now.

We have some
questions, Dr. Mancini.

I already told you
everything I know.

(scoffs) Peter Burns and Amanda
Woodward have disappeared.

They've left town.



I-I don't understand.

You're gay?

He helped me out in the pool.

Uh, it's complicated.

Look, as far as
Amanda and Peter go,

last I saw them
was a police station.

He's lying.

They're staying
at the Bel Air Hotel.

Vanished, without checking out.

We think they may be
trying to flee the country.

No, no, no, that's ridiculous.

Louis, what's wrong?
You've got that look

like you're hiding something.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Come on, Louis, out with it.



I know where they are.

- (slams door)
- Shh!

All right, we'll move
in in two groups.

One group take the front,
the other around back.

Okay, boys, they might be armed.

Let's lock and load.

- Got it.
- Here we go.

Um, w-wait a
second, wait a second,

we're not talking
Bonnie and Clyde here.

Just let me go in first.

I-I can talk them out of there
in two minutes, peacefully.

You got two minutes.

Not a second more.

(Shulman screams)

Oh, my God.

(flames roaring, crackling)

(excited chatter)

Well, the first
ultrasound's this afternoon.

I don't know if you have time.

Wait, what is this
"if I have time" stuff?

Of course, I will be there
for every second of this.

So, are we gonna want to
know the sex of the baby?

Ah, to know or not to
know, that is the question.

- Guys.
- Hey, Michael. -Hey.

Uh... I, uh... I wanted
to tell you this in person,

before you read
about it in the papers.

Amanda and Peter,

they're d*ad.

- What?
- Oh, no.

It was a propane
expl*si*n in Visconti's cabin.

They both had plane
reservations for South America.

My God.

Yeah, I was there
when it happened.

I was with the police
to try to stop them.

It was so bad... they had to use

dental records to identify them.

They're calling it an accident.

Anyway, um...

some of Amanda's
personal effects.

I didn't know what
else to do with them.

Uh, her ring, earrings,


A locket?

No. That I didn't see.

She never took it off.

MICHAEL: Anyway, the,
uh, the funeral's today.

Malibu State Park.

Amanda requested that
her ashes be scattered

over the Pacific.

So if you could pass
the word, I'd appreciate it.


Hey, no matter what we thought,
no matter what anybody thought,

they didn't deserve this.



MAN: At this time,
I invite anyone

who has something
to say to come forward.


I saw Amanda yesterday,
and she was happy.

I think we should all
take comfort in that.

Um... 'cause that's all
I ever wanted for her,

and... I think with
Peter she finally found it.

Well, she was complicated.

You know, she had that
way of sometimes throwing off

cold remarks...

sometimes bitchy remarks,

but that was just
her way of hiding.

Because she cared deeply.

I will never forget you, Amanda.

I don't think any
of us ever will.

(quietly): Thanks.

Oh, thank you, Doctor.

Oh, sit down, Michael,
this won't take long.

It won't. It's okay.

EVE: Hey. Well...

what can you say about a woman

who let me spend
years in prison

for something she did?

She robbed me of my
life, stole my boyfriend,

my husband.

Oh, and about that husband,

boy, did he turn out to be a
sick, simpering lapdog, or what?

Oh, you can all pretend

to be sad...

but me, I'm glad.

Hell, I am thrilled.

May they both rot in hell.

Okay, Eve, that's enough.


You always wanted
Peter all over you.

Well, here he is!
He's all over you now!

(Eve whooping)

Hey, hey, hey,
you can't touch me!

Don't touch! I'm a cheerleader!

You guys, stop them!


EVE: I'm a cheerleader!

- Shulman.
- Uh, Michael, what are you doing here?

I thought you were
gonna take the day off.

Oh, the chief of staff
never gets a day off.

Whoa, whoa, wait a
minute, chief of staff?

Yeah, it was part
of Peter's deal.

See? The document's right here.

See that?

In the event of his death...

Read it and weep.

Wow. Not a trace
of Peter's stuff.

- That was fast.
- Yeah. Where do you want this?

Right there.

Somebody lost a
penny; that's good luck.

Michael, make a wish on it.

Thanks, Amy.



It worked!

Hello, Doctor. I'm
your new assistant,

Ingrid from Physical Therapy.

Welcome, Ingrid, welcome.

Listen, why don't
you find a seat.

Take a memo for me, will you?

Um, to the staff.

Let me think.


something's come up.

I've decided to take a
long leave of absence

due to the tragic loss of
my partner and best friend.

You know, daily massage
can reduce a lot of stress.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm. (laughs)

Well, maybe you
should come along.

I'd like to see what
twice a day can do.

Oh, thank you,
Doctor, I'd love to come!

Though I charge
a lot for travel.

Oh, that's okay. I just
came into a sum of money,

a rather large one, in fact.

In that case... (laughs)

(both moaning)

Oh, it's good to
be chief of staff.

You know...

I used to be a cheerleader, too.


That's great.

'Cause, you see...

I've always relied...

on the kindness of cheerleaders.

Yeah, Mom, it's a girl.

Yeah! (laughs)

We just got back
from the ultrasound.

I'm looking at the
little picture right now.

She is absolutely gorgeous.

(laughs): Right!

Okay. All right,
I love you, too.

- (door opens)
- Give my best to Dad. Bye.

Ah, she was thrilled.

Jane, look at this.

- JANE: Amanda's locket.
- Yeah.

Came with this. No note,

just... that, and she said that
she would send me her locket

if we had a little girl.

- But we just found that out an hour ago.
- Yeah.

After the funeral.

I'm sure there's
some explanation.

Yeah, probably.



Ocean, earth and sky

all join before God.

You are now one
with the elements,

one with each other.

I pronounce you
husband and wife.

You may kiss your bride.

PETER (whispers): Right.

We did it, huh?

(Peter laughs)

- You think Michael will keep the secret?
- Michael?

- Yeah.
- He's got a million bucks in cash!

The million they think
b*rned up in that cabin.

Yeah, it worked like
a charm, didn't it?

You kidding me? Two cadavers
b*rned beyond recognition

from the university,
switching the dental charts?

No one's gonna suspect a thing.

Our own island miles
away from civilization.

Do you think we'll get bored?

Probably. What do you think?


Yeah. That's why we have to have

a lot of little kids running
around here real soon.

A family? Ooh, I hadn't
thought that far ahead.

Oh, yeah, I already got
the names picked out.

Got a Billy and an Allison,
we've got a Matt, Jake,

- (laughing)
- a Jane and a Kyle.

Maybe a Michael.

Just no Kimberly,
though. Promise?

I promise.


♪ Honey, you're my favorite ♪

♪ I wonder do
you feel the same ♪

♪ Honey, you're delicious ♪

♪ I wonder do I taste the same ♪

♪ I'm an old romantic ♪

♪ Standing here clutching
my bleeding heart ♪

♪ If I'm not good enough,
then I've had enough ♪

♪ Let's make this fast ♪

♪ Who cares, I'll
find my fish... ♪
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