04x24 - I Was a Single for WJM

[bunniefuu]

♪ Who can turn the
world on with her smile ♪

♪ Who can take a nothing day ♪

♪ And suddenly make it
all seem worthwhile ♪

♪ Well, it's you, girl
and you should know it ♪

♪ With each glance and every
little movement you show it ♪

♪ Love is all around
no need to waste it ♪

♪ You can have the town
why don't you take it ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪♪

Is everybody here?

Do you want a roll call, or will
a simple little head count do it?

[Man] phone, ted.

A call for me? Uh,
transfer it in here.

Ted, you're not
transferring any call in here.

I'm starting a meeting.
Yeah, I'm with you, lou.

Even if it's an important call, you
don't want me to take it, I won't take it.

[Buzzing]

Ted, if it's important... No, no,
no. I don't have to take it, lou.

Is it important? No, it's not
important. Not really important.

[Buzzing] take it! Take it!

Thanks. Hello? Oh, hi.

Okay. The thing is this.

It's been too long
between location features.

I figured we'd do one this week.

Yeah, well, broiled
chicken is fine.

I don't know.

Hey, are pearl onions
the itty-bitty ones?

Uh, I'll... I'll talk
to you later.

Now, I want to do
a location feature.

But...

But I want to make sure
it's something fresh,

Not something that's
been done over and over...

So that every time you turn
on a set, that's what you see.

- Any ideas?
- [Ted sighs]

I don't want the energy crisis or how
to grow vegetables in your backyard...

Or hubert humphrey's
drugstore...

Or a day in the life
of an anchorman!

Oh.

Mr. Grant, you know
what might be kind of good?

How about a nostalgia piece?

You know, a look back 10
years ago, to the mid-'60s.

I mean, we could talk about,
well, what the clothes were then,

What the hit records were,

Well, how dumb and funny things are
when you look back at 'em, you know?

Like, I remember 10 years ago I had
this terrific crush on a guy, you know,

And at the time it was
really... Well, it was tragic.

You know, but now, it-it
seems, you know, kind of funny.

You know, now that I'm,
you know, looking back.

His... His name, uh, was david.

I hate nostalgia.

I didn't like it then,
and I don't like it now.

I hate it too lou.

Lou, I don't know if this is
what you're looking for...

No, come on. Come on, murray.

Well, uh, a lot of times
when I'm coming home,

After I pick up something
for marie at the market,

I have to go past this place...

It's a new singles'
club, valentino's.

And there's a lot of people standing up
there in line waiting to get in, you know?

And there I am, holding
my grocery bag...

With all the wrong things
sticking out of the top...

The milk of magnesia,

Our copy of family circle.

I was just thinking that I think this
singles' bar would make a great story.

[Chuckling]

- I like it, murray.
- Yeah, I like it too.

I like it a lot. A lot.
It's tops, tops, tops.

It's terrific.

Newsweek had its biggest circulation
of the year with its singles cover story.

Now, the two of you will go there
a few times, take in the atmosphere.

Don't tell them who
you are. Then we'll move

The cameras in, and
ted can do a remote.

- It's terrific, lou. Terrific.
- We won't tape it.

We'll do it live, right in
the middle of the newscast.

It'll have that off-the-cuff
feel. It'll be great.

It does sound very
nice, murray. Very nice.

Could be filled with much human
interest and make an interesting comment.

It's settled. We go with it.

Okay? Okay, but I
still vote for my idea.

Vote? Oh.

Have we started to
vote in my newsroom?

Yeah, vote. Mary wants to vote.

That's really funny. Where do
you think we are, mary, russia?

Okay, we're gonna do it friday, so the
two of you better get started tomorrow.

Right, lou. Okay.

Lou, I didn't want to say
anything in front of the others,

But I don't think
that's a good idea.

I mean, I've been going to
single bars for many years,

And I haven't had an
intelligent conversation yet.

Morning, murr. Good morning.

So, tonight we swing
with the singles, huh?

Not me. What's wrong?

Oh, nothing's wrong. No, it's
just that I was talking to marie.

[Chuckling] she's
really wonderful.

She has this crazy idea that this
singles' bar is some wild place...

And that the minute I walk in, all
the women are gonna dive at me.

- Ahh.
- She thinks I'm dynamite.

So, anyway, I was talking to her and
tried to tell her she was wrong, you know,

Until about 4:30 this morning.

It's just that I don't
think any news feature

Is so important for
me to make my wife cry.

Understand, mar?

Ah, murray, I not only understand,
i... I think it's really kind of sweet.

[Chuckles] thanks.

I don't think lou's gonna
think it's too sweet.

You know, it's gonna be pretty
hard to go in there and tell him...

I can't go to the singles'
bar because I'm dynamite.

- You... You want me
to tell him for you?
- Oh, no, no. I'll do it.

I'll just do it.

I think it would be
easier if I told him for you.

I'm gonna do it.

Yeah?

I would have done it.

Mr. Grant, I was just thinking.

About the research we're supposed
to do tonight for the feature story?

Um, wouldn't it
make more sense...

Since it is a story about
singles, and I'm single...

For me to take it alone, and then,
you know, at some future date,

If we did a story about married
people, then murray could take it alone?

Murray's wife won't
let him go, huh?

No, no. It's not that
she won't let him go.

It's, uh, just that it's
making her unhappy.

And it's making me unhappy...

Because now we have
to cancel that feature.

But that's all right.

We still have that film we took of
graduation day at the barber college.

Oh, mr. Grant, why do you have to
cancel it? Why can't I take it alone?

Mary, these places... What do
you think the men are there for?

Do you think they're sitting at home
and suddenly they say to themselves,

"Boy, I'd better get
over to the singles' bar.

I haven't gotten any great
conversation in weeks."

Oh, mr. Grant.

Okay, okay. All right. But
I'm gonna have to go with you.

No, you can't handle
a thing like this.

Yeah, you're right. You're absolutely
right. I can't possibly handle it myself.

So, I tell you what... Why don't
you go alone, and I'll stay home?

Okay, okay.

You're... You're one of the best
associate producers I ever saw.

If you can't handle this
job alone, no one can.

- Thanks.
- Call me every 20 minutes.

♪♪ [Light jazz]

Uh... Oh, hi. Hi.

You're new here. Yeah.

Uh, listen, I just
want to tell you,

If anybody hits on you, and you
don't want 'em to, just call me.

My name's dino. Oh, well,
thank you very much, dino.

I wonder if you'd
mind if I asked you...

Dino, like, in, "everybody
needs somebody sometimes."

Oh. [Chuckling] everybody.

Right. Listen, do you come
to this place very often?

Now, don't tell me. I'll
bet I can guess your name.

Guess my name? It's, um, mary.

Yeah, it is. It is?

That's right. That's my
name. It is? I guessed it?

Yes, you did. That's great!

It's amazing. Let me try
the last one. Maybe I'm hot.

The last one? No, I don't
think you can do that.

Mary... Mary... Green? No.

Uh, mary, um, leblanc.

No. You know, really, you're
not gonna be able... Uh, anderson?

No. Uh, ginsberg?

Uh-uh. O'reilly!

No. Really... Uh, lopez.

No. Look, am I in the ballpark?

It's richards. I was
gonna say that next!

Okay, now I answered your question.
Could you answer some questions for me?

Uh, listen, uh, maybe
later, around closing time.

If neither of us is involved,
we can go out later, all right?

Uh-huh.

Hi. Hi.

I'm mary. I'm toni,
and this is alice.

It's my first time here. Seems like a
nice place. Do you come here often?

Yeah. It's better than sitting home
pasting plastic daisies in my bathtub.

- Yeah, right.
- It wasn't a joke.

Oh. Well, what about you?
Do you come here a lot?

Uh, well, she's just, um...

She's just... Hey, hey,
the word is "separated."

Hey, you don't have to treat
me like kid gloves around here.

Well... No, really,
everything's all right. I'm fine.

You see, my husband and
i... Well, he felt, and I agree...

That it would be really a terrific
thing if we had a trial separation.

And I agree.

So that each of us would be
able to live, to meet new people,

To get into new
relationships, to grow.

Hi. Could i, uh,
buy you a drink?

Bug off!

Oh, there you
are! How you doin'?

Hi. Oh, just fine. Fine.

Listen, there's really so much
about you that I would like to know.

Yeah? Really? Yeah, really.

Well, listen, it's very
hard to talk in here.

Why don't we go somewhere
where we can really talk?

Where? Where could we go?

Where... Where would
be a good place? Where?

Oh! I have it.

Why don't we go to my
place? Your place. No.

Come on. Why not?
Thank you, really.

What? Come on. What are
you afraid of? I'm not afraid.

I'm an adult woman. I'm perfectly
capable of taking care of things myself.

What do you expect...
And if she's not, I am.

Mr. Grant, you weren't
supposed to come here.

I was handling everything just fine.
You were not supposed to be here.

Okay, okay. I'm getting a drink.

I'll leave you alone.
Do your own work.

But thanks. I gotta
go do some research.

Right.

Say, bartender. Whoa!

I'd like a scotch on the...

Hey! Hey, bartender. Please?

This is very hard for me. What?

I'm very shy.

This is very hard for me. Yeah?

My telephone number is 555-4425.

What?

Bartender!

Barte... Hey. Bartender.

Listen.

I'm sorry about that little
rumble we had back there.

Oh, forget it. Forget
it. No, no, no, no.

It's, um... It just amazes me
how a guy like you, you know,

Can walk in here...

And steal a girl
away from big dino.

Okay. Okay. Bartender.

No, no. I got to know. You got
to tell me. What's your secret?

I mean, here you are,
a guy that is a little...

Well, let's face it...

Who's, uh, seen a couple
too many sunrises.

Now, how do you do it?

How do you get the
girls? What's your secret?

I'm a terrific dancer.

I get 'em drunk.

About how many times a
week do you come here?

Oh, about once or
twice, unfortunately.

Oh. Hey, alice, I'm sure
everything's gonna work out.

Some good will come of
this. You'll meet people.

Psst. Listen,
let's keep it loose.

But later, around closing
time, if we're both free,

Let's see if we can
arrange something.

Do you wanna? I guess so.

Maybe I'll see you
later. No commitment.

There! Didn't I tell you? There
are new people to meet all the time.

That was her husband.

Oh.

Read me everything
we have so far.

We don't have anything so far.
We keep crossing everything out.

We've been going to that
place for a week now.

Tonight we're moving
in with cameras, and

We haven't come up
with anything new to say.

Neither have the men at the bar.

- Maybe we ought to just cancel.
- No, no. We can't cancel it.

We've been running
promos on it all week.

Wjm explores the no-holds-barred
morality of the swinging single scene,

Live, as it happens, when
it happens. All right, ted.

All right, ted.

There has to be an angle to this
somewhere. All we have to do is find it.

I know, mr. Grant. I've been going crazy
trying to get a new insight into this.

I mean, we've closed up that
bar every night this week,

And all I've come away with is
a purse full of wet change...

And some funny... Ha-ha... Cocktail
napkins with phone numbers on 'em.

Oh, yeah? Let me see. Ted,
they're men's phone numbers.

Ah, it's all my fault.

It was a lousy
idea to begin with.

It's nobody's fault.
It's a good idea.

Now, let's try to make it work.

Lou, here's something. How do
you get down from an elephant?

Not now, ted!

Mr. Grant, maybe I've been going
about this the wrong way, you know?

I have been treating this as a story
about a place, and it isn't, you know.

It's a story about people.

All right. Now, what are we
gonna say about those people?

Come on, lou. Sometimes
a laugh lightens the load.

How do you get down
from an elephant?

Well, rather than saying
those same dumb things,

Why don't we just don't
say anything at all?

I mean, mary knows the
brightest people in that bar, right?

Why don't we just put the camera
in there and let them do the talking?

- Maybe we'll get lucky.
- Yeah. Maybe it'll be a first.

Now, lou?

All right, ted. How do you
get down from an elephant?

I was hoping you knew.

There's a phone number
written over the answer here.

I'm not gonna rest till I know.

The answer is, you don't get
down from an elephant, ted.

You get down from a duck.

[Snickers]

I don't get it.

They call duck's feathers down.

Oh! [Giggling]

You almost finished,
mar? Yeah, almost, almost.

There you go. So, you're
going with us after all, huh?

Oh, yeah. I told marie I was
going and it was my decision.

And if she didn't like
it, it was just too bad.

So, uh, my suit look
okay for tonight, mar?

Oh, sure, murr. Oh.

Uh, well, I just
wanted to look okay.

No, that's a lie.

Mary, the truth
is, I want to look...

I can't believe I'm
telling you this...

But I want to look hip. Hip.

I want to walk into
that singles' place,

And one brief, shining
moment, I want to feel not bald.

Well, murray,
you look very nice.

That's just what I
didn't want to hear.

Ah, ted, you know all about
the remote for tonight, right?

We'll all be at the singles'
bar. You'll be here at the studio.

Here's your script. What do you
mean you'll all be at the singles' bar?

I'm gonna be alone? I've never done
the news alone before. Ted, you'll be fine.

Lou, I didn't know I was gonna be
all alone tonight. Ted, you'll be fine.

Yeah, but I don't think... Ted!

Be an anchorman!

Yeah, but, lou! Lou, I don't
think... Don't worry, ted.

You'll be alone, but we'll leave
your little night-light on in the hall.

But...

Oh, good. It's crowded tonight.

There'll be a lot
of people to talk to.

So, here's murray slaughter,
and here's a singles' bar.

Look. There are some chicks.

So, here's murray slaughter standing
in a single bar, looking at some chicks.

See, outside
they're called girls,

But once they cross that
threshold, they're chicks.

Yeah. Mary, I'm gonna check
on the camera crew. Right.

So, I'm inside.
I'm finally inside.

So why do I still feel I'm
carrying a bag full of groceries?

- Hi, mary.
- Oh, hi! I want to introduce
you to a couple of people.

Then we'll explain to
them about the show.

Toni, alice, I'd like you to meet a
friend of mine, murray slaughter.

- Hi, murray.
- Well, actually murray is
more than just a friend.

We work together, and that's
gonna involve all of you too.

- What do you mean?
- [Mary] well...

Mary, where do you want
us to put the monitor?

I think probably over the end
of the bar will be great. Yeah.

What is this? What do you mean?

Well, it's just that...
Mary, excuse me.

Could we go over the
rundown? [Man] one, two, three.

Ted, we're into commercial now. You
want to give us a voice level over there?

Hello? Hello? Hey, can they
really hear me way across town?

[Clears throat] hello, scarlett.

Frankly, scarlett,
I don't give a damn.

- Hey, let me see if I can
remember how to do bogie.
- Don't do bogie, ted.

We hear you fine.

- What's going on here?
- Ah, yes, I was starting
to tell you...

See, we're gonna do a news
feature for the wjm six o'clock news.

And, yes, it's true...
In a couple of

Minutes you are both
gonna be on television.

It's gonna be a lot of fun.
Just relax, have fun with it.

Talk to me about the
same things you've been

Talking to me about all
week, and you'll be great.

Oh, no. We-we're supposed
to be on the news?

Yeah. I don't want
to be on television!

I don't want to be on
television. No, it'll be fine.

I don't want to be on television.
We just wanna talk to you.

We just wanna talk to you
people! [Man] twenty seconds!

[Woman] where do you
wanna go, the rainbow club?

Wait a minute. Hey! Wait!
Hey, alice! Where you goin'?

- I think we're going
to the rainbow club.
- The rainbow club, huh?

And now, as promised, our special
feature... Wjm goes to a singles' bar.

Who are they, the singles? What are
they looking for? Where are they going?

To the rainbow room.

We take you now to one of twin cities'
most popular singles' bars, valentino's.

Everything happening
while you see it, as you see it.

[Ted continues] packed, jammed
to the rafters every night,

Valentino's is the newest addition to
the growing phenomenon of singles' bars.

Let's, uh...

[Clears throat] let's, uh,
talk to the people here,

See why this place
is such a big success.

Well, here's someone who
might tell us of his feelings.

He looks like a
typical single. [Chuckling]

[Clears throat] uh, hi.

[Whispers] hi.

Tell us, why do you like
to come to a singles' bar?

Uh...

Why do i... [Clears throat]

Well, uh... [Clears
throat] it's hard to say.

I'd sum it up by saying,
"it's hard to say."

I see. Uh... Uh...

Perhaps you'd like to
talk to somebody else.

Mary, mary, mary!

[Ted] well, uh,

Maybe you can explain to us why
this place is so packed every night.

Oh... [Clears throat] well,
there actually, uh, were...

A lot of, uh,
people here earlier.

I mean, it's... I know
it doesn't look,

You know, like there were
a lot of... Of people here.

But you can see
that, uh, there were...

Rem... Remnants of...

Tell us, uh... How did you
learn about this place?

He told me.

Do you think you can form
a lasting relationship...

After meeting someone
in a singles' bar?

Well, i... I would say that,
you know, that would depend...

Upon the people.

Food for thought.

What do you find here that
you don't find anywhere else?

Oh, well, you... You
have your... Your fun...

And, um, friend-friendship...

And, uh, well, you
have companionship.

Well, don't you agree, sir?

There's nobody here tonight.

Our camera crew
scared them off. [Chuckles]

Uh, we, uh... We
wanted to tell you...

Something new
about a singles' bar.

We didn't find anything new.

Uh, the people here
got what they came for...

They met each other.

Maybe that's all we found out.

I guess... It's our blessing...

And our affliction...
That people...

Need people.

My name is lou grant.

Lou, we still have
four minutes to fill.

And now,

Back to you, ted.

Uh... [Clears throat]

Today was the, uh... The end
of the auto show in minneapolis.

So let's observe four
minutes of silence.

Why, thank you. Yes. Yes,
I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Yeah, thank you
for calling. Bye.

It's neat. They all seem
to like it. [Phone rings]

Newsroom. Well,
thank you. Thank you.

I'm glad you enjoyed the show.

Oh? Who did you want us
to try to locate for you?

The cute single guy
at the end of the bar.

Uh, just a moment, please.

Hello?

Oh, hello, marie.

[Mews]