06x14 - Snow Day

[bunniefuu]

Okay, Ally,
we'll see you in a week.

Uh-huh. Have fun
in Connecticut,

and you do what Grandma
tells you, okay?

Or you'll be sent back
to this Grandma.

No, no, honey.
He's kidding.

He's kidding.

Okay, honey,
we love you. Bye-bye.

Bye. Bye-bye.

Ray, you're
not even packed?

Amy's gonna be here
any second.

What, what? I'm packed.

That's it?

All I need is my golf clothes.

The rest of the time
I'm gonna be naked,

Iettin' your eyes
enjoy the party.

There better be
booze at that party.

Stop!

Amy, are you all right?

I'm great!

I'm on my way over here
to drive you guys to the airport

for your romantic getaway.

Of course, I'm able
to do that on a Friday night

because Gianni
and I broke up.

Oh... really?

Yeah? Oh... man.

That's tough.

Should we get goin'?

I kinda had
to abandon my car

in this 50-foot
snowdrift,

then walk 20 blocks
to get here.

Ruined my new shoes,
got frostbite on my pinky toe,

and-- oh! Right before
my car battery d*ed,

the guy
on the radio said--

here's the part
you'll care about--

the airport's closed.

- Oh, no!
- Oh, no!

Yes. So I lost my car,
my shoes,

not to mention
my boyfriend, for nothing.

And I'll die alone
with nine toes.

What was that?

I think the power
just went out.

Man, you are nothing
but bad news today.

Our heat's out
over there.

Shut the door!

We really don't have any food, either,
'cause we were going away.

Oh, so you came over
because you were hungry.

When the man on the radio
said the airport was closed,

I just assumed
you'd care enough

to see if your parents
had frozen to death,

but I guess that
was too much.

Wait, wait!
Where are you going?

Stay here with your family
who loves you.

Yeah...

Oh, Amy...

such a nice surprise.

Hi, Marie.

Hey, Frank,
nice fire.

I like fire.

Ah,that'sgood.
Ahhh...

Amy...

you know, there's only so much
I can do without electricity,

but I was able to make
some ham and cheese sandwiches,

turkey sandwiches,
roast beef sandwiches.

And, of course,
macaroni salad,

potato salad,
and regular salad.

Then there's pies
and cookies and cake

for dessert.

Ma, you're two pickles away
from opening a deli.

Mmm, so good. You guys
gotta get in on some of this.

I'm hungry.
I am hungry.

You people
don't need food.

All you need is my
world-famous spiced rum punch.

Oh, boy. Don't get
that close to the fire.

You know how sometimes
your mother's voice

sounds like
an air-raid siren?

Stop, Frank!
What's wrong with you?

Ahh...

it's like liquid earplugs.

Fill 'er up.

There you go.

Thank you.

Let me tell you
something, Frank.

I put all this together with
nothing but love and a flashlight.

While everybody else is trying
to make the best of it,

you have to be
a mean old grouch!

Finished? Or do l
need to get a refill?

Oh, I'm finished, all right.
I'm finished with you!

Here's something you
don't get on vacation.

Heads up!
Comin' through!

Amy.

Robert.

What are you
doing here?

I was their ride
to the airport.

Then the weather...

Oh, right, yeah. I'm kinda
surprised I ended up here myself,

'cause usually, you know,
Friday night's party night!

How 'bout the wood!

Yah! Mule!

Amy, how's Gianni?

Why? Did he say something?

Did he say
he broke up with me?

'Cause the truth is
it was totally mutual!

Actually, it's fine.
It's perfectly fine.

We had fun for a while,

but it turns out he's awful
and afraid to be happy.

I'm sorry, dear.

Tuck in your shirt.

Get the hell outta here!

Git!

You know what this
reminds me of?

Something sad and
cold and boring?

No, silly. No.

It reminds me of our
old New Year's Eve parties.

Remember, Frank? Back when
people could stand you?

Yeah.

I remember
the first time

I got to stay up
with the adults.

It was fun. My first
grown-up party.

Yeah, I remember those.

I remember that was the
first time that I danced with a girl.

Linda Visoki.

I remember I worked up
a dance move ahead of time.

God, I thought
I was so cool.

- Show it to us.
- No! No! No!

Let's see it.

Come on!

- Show it!
- All right.

I think it went
something like this.

You know you love it!

You gotta love that!

I remember Linda was
institutionalized the very next day.

I don't remember you tearing up
the dance floor back then, big man.

Let me tell ya,
I had the moves, scruffy!

Do your dancing, Robbie.

Yeah, let's see.

Yeah. Yeah, right.
Yeah.

Yeah, right.

He's like a happy buffalo.

That's the problem
with your generation.

You only think
you can dance.

You're just jealous, Dad,
'cause you want a piece of that!

Come on!

Get outta here with that!

Let me show you something.

- Marie.
- What?

Get up, get over here.

Well... okay.

- Oh, Frank, this is wonderful.
- Take it easy.

- Oh, isn't that great?
- It's wonderful.

Take notes.
This is how it's done.

Not bad there,
old man.

Look at you. You ever have
a guy dance with you like this?

Never.

May l, Marie?

I think I can do
some good here.

Okay. But just
for a second.

Don't worry about a thing, Amy.
You're in good hands.

This is wonderful, Frank.

Okay okay!
It's my turn again.

Please, Marie!

She's waited her
whole life for this!

All right, boys! One of you
boys dance with me.

All right.
Come on!

Hey! I'm getting
lonely over here.

I got somethin'
for you, too!

- No, l-- I want Frank!
- Amy, do you mind?

Not at all.
Thank you so much.

Watch the hands, there.

Yeah yeah.

I'm talkin' to Debra.

Okay.

Frank's got Debra,
and I'm gonna dance with you,

and everyone else pair up
however you want.

Oh, Frank,
this is just great.

- Not bad, huh?
- Yeah.

God, I can't believe I'm actually
having a good time with you.

What?!

What? No no,
I just meant... you know.

No no, I don't know.

Frank, come on!
Come on.

Frank. No, it's just...

Normally you're--
I don't know.

It's like,
on a night like this,

I thought I would be searching
for the escape hatch.

Oh, Frank, come on! Hey!

Frank! No!

No, this is nice!

Where you goin'?
No, Frank, don't go!

Frank! Come on!
Please come in!

He's just standing
out there.

"l can't believe I'm actually
having a good time with you"?

Why would you
say that, Deb?

I was-- I was trying
to say something nice,

it just came out wrong.

Not just wrong. Mean.

I'm going to go out there
and talk to him,

try to get him
to come back inside.

I can't believe
I said that!

I can.

What?

Oh, nothing.

No. What, Marie?

Well, dear, we all knew

that eventually one of those
thoughts would slip out.

One of what thoughts?

You know. That you think
you're better than us.

What?

Better than who, exactly?

Just-- just you and Dad?
Or all of us?

All ofus.

Marie, I said something
stupid to Frank,

but that doesn't mean
I think I'm better than him.

Methinks thou
doth protest--

Oh, don't say, "Methinks thou
doth protest too much."

All right.
I won't say it...

but methinks it.

I don't know, Ma. I think you're making
way too big of a deal out of this.

Yeah, what she
said to Dad.

She was just surprised
how different he was acting.

He was all delightful and...

kind of sexy...

I don't know anymore.

I've always been aware of
this feeling of superiority.

And now that you've
made it so obvious,

maybe it's best if I'm the one
to go out and get that dear man.

"Dear man?"
Somethin's loose.

Wait a minute, Marie.

I can't believe you,
of all people,

are accusing me
of acting superior.

Here, here you go.

I don't want that!

All right.

It's all right, dear.

I understand.

You grew up in
an upper-class family.

You went to a private school,
a fancy college,

and that's not
who we are at all.

Robbie didn't
even go to college.

I always enjoy when we can
bring that up out of the blue.

And it's natural for you
once in a while to think,

"Oh, those lower
middle-class Barones."

Marie!

It's okay, dear,
you can't help it.

It's in your blood.

I grew up in Connecticut,
for God's sakes,

not Buckingham Palace!

You see?
Now, why you'd even think

to refer to
Buckingham Palace.

Hey hey, listen!

Come on, you two,
don't make a thing.

Just get to the hug
and have a sandwich.

Marie, wait a minute.

Do we always see
eye-to-eye? No.

But that's because
we're different,

not because
I think I'm better.

Just different.

And you have to remember,
you're the tight-knit family.

I was the outsider.

And I've always thought
that, in most ways,

I was the same
as you guys.

But I guess...

Well, I'm sorry
that you feel that way.

I'm gonna go get Frank.

Come on!

What?

Come on. We're just
different than you?

We're like the front porch
of the nut house.

Hey!

How could you not think
you're better than us?

- It would be weird if you didn't.
- Raymond!

I'm just trying to prove your point, Ma,
because you're right.

Well, okay then.

No, she's not right!
Ray, what is wrong with you?!

As if you don't know.

Wait...
are you drunk?

Don't be "perposterous."

You are.

No, he's fine.
Go ahead, Raymond.

You were saying
I was right or something.

You don't think you're
better than Frank Barone?

You think that my father,

a known baboon's ass...

is your equal?

Yes.

You guys buy that?

It does seem a little
hard to believe.

Frank is disgusting.

I thought he was sexy,
so I got my own problems.

This is stupid.
I'm not gonna do this.

- See, now we're stupid.
- I didn't say that, Marie!

We all know Frank can be gross.
That doesn't mean I'm better.

No?
How 'bout Robert?

Hey hey, wait wait.

Let him talk.
Go ahead.

Robert's weird.

He doesn't like
to go out to eat

because he has
a fear of busboys.

He can't carry his dollar bills
facing each other

because it would be
like they're kissing.

That's just quirky.

Yeah? Quirky?

He separates
his Good 'n Plenties

into "goods"
and "plenties."

Which one is
which again?

- Never mind.
- No no, go ahead. Go ahead.

The pinks are the "goods,"

and the whites
are the "plenties."

'Cause there's always
more of them.

And they're not as good.

And then there's
a third category of "irregulars."

And they're called...

"cuties."

I rest my case.

Very good.
Now do me, Raymond.

You!

Where do I begin?

Judgmental!

Childish!

Meddlesome!

A world-class buttinsky!

I mean...

You don't think
you're better than this?

No, I do not.

Now she's
just being stubborn.

What about you, Raymond?
You're bad, too.

Listen, I might
be the worst!

Debra's got to
live with me

day in and day out
for the rest of her life!

Not too thrilled
about that right now.

And how could you be?

Do you remember about
a week ago you came home

and I was supposed to be
baby-sitting or something,

and I was just zonked out
on the couch with the TV going.

And I had pizza sauce
kind of all down my chest,

which wouldn't
have been that bad...

if I had been wearing a shirt.

Or eating pizza.

And do you remember
how I greeted you that day?

"Hey, baby...

the kids are asleep,
and I'm halfway to Nakedtown.

Population: Me!"

Okay!
Okay!

What do you want me to say?

That I'm better than you?
Fine!

I am better!

I was right!

Yep! Yep!
You got me!

You know, I was never
sure if it was true,

but this, tonight...

I really have to
thank you all.

'Cause you've made it
crystal clear--

you're all nuts!

Good job, man.

That was wonderful.

So you're happy that
I think I'm better than you?

Not happy.

I'm just glad
we got this out.

It's good to know.
And now we know.

And nowwe know.

And nowwe sit.

Because we know.

I really need
a vacation.

Hey, Frank.

Nice sh*t.

Back in the day,

I could take out the window
of a milk truck at 30 yards.

Hey, listen, I'm sorry
about what I said before.

I really didn't mean it.

Eh, don't worry about it.

No, I was mad
about our trip,

and I hurt
your feelings.

If it's any consolation,

it's been horrible in there
since you left.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

You know, I guess
I got mad 'cause...

I always thought
it was you and me

against all of them
in there.

What?

I-- I mean, like,
you and me,

we're not like them.
You know?

Oh... yeah.

I guess.

Maybe...

No, trust me,
we're not like them.

They're loonies.

Enough already
with this music.

It's making me
feel dusty.

Oh, my God! Yes! Yes!
I love this song!

Amy! Amy!
"Jungle Love!"

Remember when they played
this at the Policemen's Ball?

This is dancing?

They'll wear
themselves out,

then the floor
is all ours.