07x19 - Sleepover at Peggy's

[bunniefuu]

- [Coughing]

Ray, could you get me
the tissues?

[Coughing]

Honey, could you
pass me the tissues?

Boy, I wish someone would
rub this on my chest.

- What?

- Pass me the tissues.

- No, I heard
"rub" and "chest."

The doctor will see you now.

- Just pass me the tissues,
please!

And could you go to the store
and get me some cough medicine?

- What happened
to the chest rubbing?

- No, thank you.

And you know what?

If you leave now, you can
drop ally off on your way.

- Oh, come--
drop ally off where?

Robert and gianni are coming
over to watch the game.

- Just go, and take ally, okay?

She's got a sleepover
at molly's.

- Whoa, whoa, molly's?

- Yeah, molly's.

- Isn't molly's mom that peggy?

The--the scoutmaster
n*zi cookie h*tler?

- Yeah. That's how she's
listed in the phone book.

- Come on, I don't want
to see that peggy again.

- Ray, come on, honey,
that was over a year ago.

The frontier girl
cookie wars are over.

I'm sure she won't
b*at you up this time.

- I did not get b*at up.

I slipped.

- Come on, mommy,
I'm ready to go!

- Honey, you know,
mommy's too sick,

So daddy's gonna take you.

- Okay.

Come on, daddy!

- Well, listen,

How good of a friend
is molly?

Because I got to tell you,
I don't see it.

- Ray!

- All right!

Okay, come on.

- And listen, don't forget
my cough medicine.

I need the nighttime stuff.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
but when I come back,

We're doing this whether
you need it or not.

Okay, come on, ally.

Here we are.

Okay.

Mwah.

Have a good time!

- Daddy, my sleeping bag!

- Huh? Oh, right.

Okay, have fun.

- Well, hi there, ally.

Come in.

Hello, ally's dad.

- Hello...

Peggy.

- Hey, mom, maybe ally's dad
could help us set up the tent.

- Well, that's all right.
Mommy can do it.

- But you said you couldn't.

- Molly, mommy will
figure it out.

- They're gonna sleep outside?

- No!

I promised them they could
set up the tent

In the living room
and pretend it's a sleep-out.

- Daddy, why don't you help us?

- Eh, I don't know, ally.

- See, that's right.

If I can't figure it out,
then ally's dad certainly won't.

[Chuckling]

- Actually, it's
probably not too hard.

Let's take a look.

- Thanks, dad!

- I really don't
need your help.

I've got the instructions
right here.

I hate this thing.

I told sam not to buy it.

- Your husband?

- Ex-husband.

- Ex.
Hmm.

Surprise, surprise.

- What was that?

- Nothing, nothing.

I wonder--

I wonder what would happen
if you opened it

And pulled this.

Well, look at that!

- Thanks, daddy!

- Thanks, mr. Barone.

- Maybe I should get
a merit badge.

- Molly, you can go get
your sleeping bag now.

- You kids enjoy
the tent that I made.

- Well, thanks.

I appreciate it.

- You're welcome.

You know what?

You should probably tie this
to the table here.

- Oh, great.

Well, thanks again.

So,

What time do you
want to come back tomorrow?

- What?

- Tomorrow.

To pick up ally.

- Uh, I don't know.

- How about 10:00?

- Yeah, okay, 10:00, uh...

10:00 Sounds good.

Yeah, that sounds--
that's a good time

For somebody to come
and get her.

Yeah.

Like my wife, debra.

Who's my wife.

- What's with you?

What happened?

- Nothing, nothing.

I went to the drugstore and...

It's kind of windy out.

Let me ask you something.

What does it mean

When a woman pats you on your--

You know, on your bottom?

- What drugstore did you go to?

- No, it didn't happen
at the drugstore.

I drove ally to a friend's
house, and it was the mom.

You know that
scout leader, peggy?

- The cookie lady
f*ndled you?

- Yeah.

- Get any cookies?

- No, I was helping her
fix the tent for the kids,

And I bent over to
fasten the thing to the table,

And all of a sudden,
I'm being touched

In an impure manner.

- Well, was it a pat
or a squeeze?

- I'm not sure.

- Well, was there grasping
or cupping of any kind?

- I don't know!
It was so quick!

- Okay, wait, wait.

Show me what she did.

- What?
No!

- No, come on.

I mean, show me
how you were standing

In relation to her.

What's the big deal?

- All right, look,

I guess I was standing
in front of her like this,

And I was reaching
for the thing like this.

- Sweet.

- Oh, come on!

- All right, all right.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Okay, look,
I'll tell you what.

I'll bend over,

And I want you to re-create

Exactly what she did to you.

- Robert, do you want
a glass of wine first?

- I'm in the middle
of an investigation here.

- I was bent over like that,
and I guess I said,

You know, "let me tie
the thing to the table,"

And she did this.

- Oh, so she just patted it?

- No, no, no.
I did it too fast.

It wasn't like sports.

It was--
it was too soft.

Let me show you.
Here.

It was like this.

- One more time.

- Good evening.

- Oh, hey.

Hi, honey.

Anyway, so that's--

That's college football.

In pro football,

The quarterback gets
right up in there.

- Okay, thank you.

Appreciate that.

- Hey, how you feeling?

- Well, now I'm
a little nauseous.

Did you get my medicine?

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- Thank you.

Ray, I asked you
for the nighttime one.

Don't you ever listen?

This is daytime.

This is gonna
keep me up all night.

- Oh.

Well, take a drink with it.

[Phone ringing]

- All right, I'll get it.

You guys can go back
to your half-time show.

- All right,
what does the pat mean?

- Well, seems to me
like you were asking for it.

- What?

- Sorry,
in the animal kingdom,

You stick your caboose
in the air,

That's as good
as a marriage proposal.

- Shut up!

- Yeah, he's right.

I believe the term
is "presenting."

- Face it, ray, this chick's
got the hots for you.

- Yep, she's in love!

- No!

No!

No, she hates me!

- Sounds like maybe her old man

Hasn't been minding the store.

- No, no, no,
the old man's gone.

She's divorced.

Both: oh.

- What?

- Hey, ray, that was peggy.

You got to go back.

She said ally
wants to come home.

Both: ohh.

- But I was just there.

- I'm sorry, honey.

She said ally's
not feeling well.

- Why don't you go?

You're looking 100% better.

Okay, one of you guys
got to come with me.

- I'd love to,
but I've already got a girl.

- Come on.
Gianni.

- No, I'd rather just
read about it in penthouse.

- Oh, come on!

Look, guys, seriously,

You think this woman
is coming on to me?

- Do you actually believe that
ally is sick all of a sudden?

- "Dear penthouse,

I never thought
this would happen to me."

- Ah, come on!

- "It was a rainy night,

"And my rump was yearning

To break out
of its denim prison."

[Doorbell rings]

- Hello.

- Hello.
- Hi.

Listen, I'm sorry.

Ally says she's fine now.

I think the girls
had a little fight,

But I guess
they got over it.

- How about that?

- Kids.

- Yeah, kids.

- Well, if you want to make sure
that ally's okay,

You could come in--
- no!

No, thank you.

No!

Oh, please, god, no!

No!

No!
No!

No, no!

[Doorbell rings]

I, uh...

I'm having
a little car trouble.

Could I just use your phone?

- Sure, come in.

- Girls are in the tent?

- No, they decided
they wanted to sleep

In the sofa-bed downstairs
in the basement.

Can you believe it,

After all the trouble
setting this thing up?

There's a phone right here.

- Hey, robert, it's me.

Listen, I locked my keys
in the car.

You guys got to come
and pick me up.

Yeah, ha ha ha, very funny!

Very funny.

Just come and get me!

No, now!

I can't wait
till the end of the game!

Well, call dad up
and tell him to get me, then.

Robert.
Robert!

Oh, I'm gonna k*ll you!

Ahh!

- Thought you might need this.
- What?

- You're all wet.

- Oh. Thank you.

- Would you like
something to drink?

I've got tea.

- No, no, I'm good.

My dad's gonna come get me soon.

- All right,
then let me take your coat.

- Oh, that's all right.
I'll just leave this on.

- No, come on, you're dripping
all over my carpet.

- I'll dry it off, then.

- Come on,
I'll just hang it up.

[Both yelling at once]

Would you please--
- no!

- What?

- Stop it!
No!

My god!

Don't you get it?

No means no!

- What is your problem?

- Don't think I don't know
what's going on here.

The fire, the drinks,

The rain.

- What are you talking about?

- You touched me
on my personal space.

I was just bending over
to fix your tent.

I was not presenting.

- What are you talking--

Oh, when I did this?

- Watch it, lady!

- What was the big deal?

- The big deal is
that I'm a married man,

And you had a picnic
in my backyard!

- [Laughs]

You think I was
coming on to you?

[Laughs]

In your dreams, pal.

- No, in your dreams!

Okay?

Why else would you
go at me like that?

- Oh, because I am
so attracted to you,

Captain flat pants!

- Yeah, then why'd you do it?

- I don't know,
I just did it.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's just your
little thank-you gift

For anybody who helps you out.

- Hey, I told you
I didn't need your help.

You just had to show me
what a big, strong man you were.

Like I couldn't have figured out
that tent on my own?

- I wasn't trying
to show you anything.

I was doing it for the kids.

- Oh, please, give me a break.

You were strutting around,
gloating.

"Maybe I should
get a merit badge."

You're lucky
I didn't kick your butt!

What's the matter,
you scared?

- No!

Yes!

All right, I'll admit it.

You scare me.
You're scary.

You're a bad, scary lady.

So let's just agree
that you don't touch me,

And I will wait
for my ride outside.

- Fine, you know what?

Get out!
Just get out now!

Get out now!

Would you go?

What is your problem?
I said get out!

- All right.

What are you crying about?

- I am not crying.

- Oh, okay.

Listen.

I didn't mean to--

- Didn't mean to what?

Call me a scary,
mean, old ass-grabber?

- I did not say "ass."

- Look, I'm sorry.

I don't know why I did it.

It's probably because
that's what my husband

Used to do to me.

Like, "oh, yeah,
good job, toots.

"Didn't think you could manage
getting the fork

Out of the dishwasher
and make a pot of coffee."

Condescending little putz!

- No, no.
No, it was me.

It was all my personality.

I'm so tough to get along with.

I'm so negative.

How does he think I got so--

How do you think
I got this way?

- I don't know.

Sounds like it was his fault.

- Look, I am
no walk in the park,

But, I mean, whenever
I tried to talk to him,

All he wanted to do
was watch television.

Unless, of course,
he wanted sex,

And then, whew, boy,

For those eight minutes,
I was number one.

- Yeah, well, I mean, some guys.

Eight minutes.

That's bad, right?

- And he lied,
I mean, all the time

About everything,
even little things.

He'd just say
whatever I wanted to hear

To avoid confrontation.

- Hmm.

- He never listened,

Never helped me,

Only cared about himself.

12 Years of marriage.

- Wow, 12 years?

And he just left?

- No.

I threw him out.

- Oh.

Ohh.

- What's the matter?

- No, nothing, I just--

Just wondering...

Wondering where my dad is.

I should be getting home.

Debra's...

She's a little sick.

- Well, I've got
to take this tent down.

- You know what?
Let me help you.

- Oh, well, thanks.

We should probably get
the sleeping bags out first.

- Oh, okay.

[Knocking on door]

- Hello.

- Hello.

- My husband said that
raymond needed a ride--

Oh!

Oh, my god!

- No, mom!

- Oh, my god!

- Mom!

Mom!

Sorry.

She's a little sick too.

Mom!

- Hey.

- Hey.

What's all this?

- Stuff to make you
feel better.

You're sick.
I'm taking care of you.

First of all, cough syrup.

I got all the sleepy kind.

Nighttime,
p.m.--

This just has
a bunch of "z"s on it.

- Wow.

- Got you lozenges,

Vitamin c,

And I got you
a vaporizer.

I thought it'd be better than me
rubbing all that stuff on you.

You don't need that.

- I think I have a fever,
'cause I'm hallucinating.

- What?

I'm your husband.

I listen.

I help.

I'm here.

That's what we got going.

12 Years and no end in sight.

Right?

Oh, I got to go.

I got chicken soup
on the stove for you.

- Maybe I d*ed.

- You should never
have allowed yourself

To be in that position.

- Mom, she wasn't gonna
do anything, all right?

I was just helping her
take down the tent.

- A woman doesn't
get a man into a tent

Unless she's
going in after him.

- Listen,

Peggy is not
attracted to me at all.

- That's impossible.

I'm telling you,

The things you do
and the way you look

Can drive a woman crazy.

- Ah, ma, please.

- Like your shy little smile...

- All right. That's enough!

- And your sensitive eyes.

- Ma, I'm eating here!

- And let's not forget
those tight pants--

- Ahh!

Ma!

- He won't do that again.