08x08 - The Surprise Party

[bunniefuu]

I'm so glad we're alone.

I want to talk to you
about Debra's birthday.

Oh God!
Is it today?!

No. It's a week from Saturday.

Oh... okay.
Don't do that.

See, I was thinking

you and I could plan
a surprise party for her.

- A surprise party?
- What do you think?

Nyah... I don't know.

I mean... I don't think
Debra would want us

to go to all that trouble,
you know?

I was just planning something
a little more low-key,

you know, like-like
dinner with my family.

Yeah.

I think dinner
with your family, uh,

has been done.

I was thinking
of something else--

Iike a real English tea party.

Ha ha!

Oh. Oh, for real.

Uh...

You know,
when Debra was single,

we would meet in the city
and have tea at The Rosemont.

Oh, she loved that.

You know what?
Maybe you two should go do that, right?

Tea for two.

No, Raymond, no.

Listen, don't worry.

You won't have to do a thing.

No, hey, I'm all into helping.

It's just right now,

it's-it's really a bad time...

with the world and everything.

Raymond, I promise I will handle it.

See, we'll get Amy to take her out

while I set up everything here. Hmm?

Yeah.

Ooh! It's such fun
conspiring with you.

We're like two secret agents.

Hmm, yeah...

Yeah. Yeah, it's fun.
It's fun.

You're gonna do all the work,
though, right?

Hey, listen, Ray, for my birthday,

I was thinking
we could go out to Montauk,

have brunch,

and then ride bikes
out to this old lighthouse.

On your birthday?

Yeah. Look how great this is.

Yeah...

I don't know.

I don't know,
I was planning on--

on doing something
a little more...

something else.

Come on.
This would be great.

It'd be great to ride bikes
and see a lighthouse.

Debra, honestly,

it's too dangerous.

What, you're gonna have a big meal

and then-- and then ride a bike?

That's, uh, that's
a little dicey, you know?

You're gonna swerve,
and the food in your stomach

is gonna start sloshing
from side to side,

and then down you go.

I don't want you
getting hurt, okay?

So that's it. It's settled.

Something's going on.

Are you planning something
for my birthday?

No! What? Absolutely not, okay?

And I resent
this whole line of questioning.

You are planning something!

Oh, Ray! Oh!

You are so cute!

You wanted to surprise me.

No!

Are you throwing me
a surprise party?

No!

I'm-- no, what are you-- I just--

I don't want your stomach
sloshing from side to side.

All right, I won't ask
another question.

I don't wanna know
anything about it.

There's nothing to know.

Oh...

What was that?

I love surprises.

- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

Well, go upstairs.

I'll surprise the hell outta you.

Yeah?

Yeah.

You know, I have always
wanted a surprise party.

But once I married you,

I figured it was never
gonna happen,

that you weren't
romantic enough.

I was wrong.

I didn't shower today,

but I'm okay. I'm not that bad.

Listen, Ray...

I don't wanna ruin it,
but how are you gonna do it?

Tenderly, and then maybe
not quite as tenderly,

but still good.

No, the party.

Oh, well...

I don't think I should give
anything more away.

Kind of k*ll the whole surprise.

Yeah, I know,
but I already got surprised,

so can't you tell me
one part of it?

No. It's supposed
to be a surprise.

I mean, I want it
to be a surprise.

Can't you just tell me
a little part?

All right.
There's gonna be catering.

- Ooh, catering?
- Yeah.

That's great.
Yeah.

What kind of catering?

I don't know yet,
but it's gonna be super-great catering.

Let's get going.

You know what would be
really great,

what I would really love?

A Chinese banquet.

What?

Yeah. You remember that book
"The Joy Luck Club?

There was this book,
"The Joy Luck Club"

and in it, they had
these fantastic celebrations

in these lavish banquet halls
with these amazing meals.

No no! But-- no no.

Hey.

How about this, okay?

I'm thinking, how about...

an English tea party?

What?

English tea party.

It's-- it's classy.

You thought of an English tea party?

Yes. You like it.
It's great.

We'll have English... muffins,

we'll-we'll play The Beatles,

we'll speak English.

'Ello, spot of tea, Mum?
A spot of tea?

And-- and you really don't like

the Chinese banquet?

No... no, I do.
I don't think--

You will love it!

We'll have Chinese lanterns
and paper dragons--

you know what?
I think Wo-Hop caters.

I'm gonna get the menu.

My mom is gonna love this.

Did you invite my mother?
Don't forget my mother.

Great. Now she's too happy
to have sex.

I'm so glad you wanted to meet.

This gives me
the perfect opportunity

to show you the exact kind of thing
we're doing for the party.

- lsn't this wonderful?
- Hmm, sure.

Nice to see you again, ma'am.

Oh, hello, Mark.
We'll have tea and scones

and cucumber
and watercress sandwiches.

Sound good?

All my favorites.

Tea, ma'am?

Oh, thank you.

Tea?

Mm...

I'm looking for something
in a Lipton.

Uh... I'm sorry, sir.

Uh...

all right, I'll try the "shamomiley."

Watercress sandwich?

They're yummy.

Mmm. Yes... yummy.

You can really taste the water.

I am doing
these exact sandwiches for the party

and the same tea service.

Ooh, Debra's going to be thrilled.

Yes, it's nice, but you know,

I'm thinking you might wanna--

might wanna
change things up a tiny bit.

Change what?

Well, nothing. Nothing.

But I'm thinking
you probably could take the party

in a little
different direction.

I don't understand.

You know, just...

tweak it a little, you know?

Like...

Iike-- okay,

instead of an English
tea party, you do...

a Chinesish tea party.

But... we decided
on an English tea party.

I know. I know you did.

But think how awesome
Chinese could be, huh?

For Debra, it would-- like, uh...

Amy brings Debra into the house, right?

And we're all there,

and-and-and there's-
there's-there's--

I'm just spitballin' here--

there's, uh,
Chinese lanterns

and-and paper dragons.

And I hear Wo-Hop caters.

Huh?

But why do we have to change it?

I... because l...

I think I know Debra very well.

Well, of course you do,
but I do too.

Yes, I understand you have
a connection to her, but...

but...

you knew the girl.

I know the lady.

And I think the lady
would prefer Chinese.

Why don't you like me, Raymond?

What?

What are you talking about?

I like you.

Let's be honest.

You are so uncomfortable
around me.

You never say more
than two words.

And it seems
whenever we are together,

you'll do just about anything
to get away from me.

I mean... what am l
supposed to think?

You-you don't like me,

you don't like my ideas.

I just...

wish it were different
between us.

You know, I can't believe
that you're saying this,

because I was--

I was just thinking
to myself...

why don't you like me?

What?

Yeah. I mean, uh...

you know, you see
how much thought I put

into this Chinese idea,

and you don't want
anything to do with it.

You just dismiss it out of hand.

How do you think
it makes me feel?

You just rush in,
and you wanna plan everything,

and you won't even
let me have any say

in my own wife's special day.

Raymond, l...

You know, I've lost my appetite.

I don't know what to say.

I didn't know this meant
that much to you.

Oh, I'm sorry, Raymond.

I think you're
a wonderful son-in-law.

I mean, I couldn't have found
a better person

who would care so much
for my daughter.

Thank you.

And, just so you know,

I like you.

I'm so glad we talked.

Me too.

So you'll change it all
to Chinese, right?

Oh, there you are, Ray.

I made a mai tai for you.

Oh, thank you.

Hey, the place looks great.

You really knocked yourself out.

It'll be worth it
when I see Debra's face.

Is someone looking out
for Amy and Debra?

Sure. Yeah.

Robert, look out
for Amy and Debra, all right?

Why do I have
to be the lookout?

Because anybody else
would have to climb a tree.

I can't believe you're
having a Chinese party

after what those people
did to me in Korea.

I think everybody's over that, Dad.

Not me.

I spent a week in a foxhole
in the pouring rain.

All right, Dad.

I still have toenail fungus.

Frank, that's not party talk.

Though I have to say, Raymond,

this theme is so unusual.

I hope people could still eat

with all these dragons around.

I do it every day.

Oh, good!

Frank, Robert,

I thought it would be great fun

if you two would be
my dancing dragon.

Put this on... and see...

and when Debra comes in,

you can dip and sway
around the room in her honor.

That lady is a fruit bat.

Come on, just do this.

You can be the head
and, Robert, you be the tail.

Oh, I'm sorry, Raymond.
I'm the lookout.

You'll have to find someone else
to be your dragon's ass.

Just do this, all right?

It'll mean a lot to Debra.

No, it won't.
And what are you doing

with this whole
Chinese thing, anyway?

Yeah, this is bull.

I want a fork.

Yeah, I've got to tell you,
I know Debra pretty well.

I don't think she's gonna go
for your whole lame theme.

You don't know what
you're talking about.

Oh yeah, I do.

Confucius say,

"Woman with stupid husband
gets stupid party."

Ha ha.

'Cause you're stupid!

"He who marry Raymond need
look elsewhere for good time."

Ha ha.

'Cause you're stupid!

Yeah, I'm stupid.

For your information,

this theme was
Debra's idea, all right?

What?

What do you mean,
it was Debra's idea?

Debra told you

to throw her a surprise party?

No no no no no.

Oh my.

I must say,
Debra is unbelievable.

Come on, spill it,

or I'll stick a toe
in your cake.

All right, listen.

She knows about it,
but it wasn't her idea.

The Chinese thing was.
She loves Chinese.

Debra knows about
the surprise, everybody!

Shush! Shush!

Her mother's
in the other room.

Good. I don't have to yell
"surprise" like an idiot.

- Yes, you do.
- Why?

You made everyone come a half-hour early
and park two blocks away?

Yeah, what the hell?

You live across the street.

Well, I'm not yelling surprise.

You're yelling surprise,
fungus foot!

They're just pulling
in the driveway.

They're here!

Everybody down!

We have to squat now?

Yeah... get down and get ready
to yell "surprise," everybody.

Surprise!

Surprise...

Surprise!

Oh my God.

What is all of this?

Happy birthday, Debra!

Oh... my God.

What did you do?

Is this like a surprise party?

Happy birthday!

Look at this place!

It's like a-- a Chinese banquet
or something!

Oh my God!
This is so amazing!

Oh, thank you!
Thank you so much!

I can't believe you did this!

And Amy!

I should have known

when you invited me
to a museum

on my birthday!

That's why you didn't want
to go out to eat after!

I didn't really have
a stomachache!

Well-well, hi, guys!

Oh, this is so incredible!

You guys are too much!

And oh, and my mom is here!

Hi, Mom!

You all got me!

You got me good!

And who thought...
of Chinese?

Do you know
that I love Chinese?

You do?!

I really do!

Oh, Ray!
How did you know?

Yeah, I don't know.

No, really,
how did you know

that I love Chinese?

All right, take it easy.

Really, how did you know
that I love Chi--

Happy birthday, Debra.

You told them that I knew?

Well, Robert wouldn't
be the dragon!

Why didn't you stop me?

'Cause you were very good.

I felt that the last part
was a little forced.

So everybody knows
that I knew about the party?

You knew about the party?

Now everybody knows.

You knew?

Yes! Everybody knows
that she knew,

and now she knows
that you all know.

Thanks for everything.

How did you find out?

I know!

Listen, everybody,
uh, this is my fault.

I'm sorry.
I'm a little embarrassed.

When I got it
out of Raymond

that he was planning
a surprise party,

I kind of pushed
the Chinese idea

because... I like Chinese.

So I'm-I'm sorry that
I wasn't really surprised,

but I'm still very grateful
that you all came,

and I'm especially
grateful to Ray

'cause of all the work he did.

I feel very lucky

because I have a husband
who would do this all for me.

Debra... I have to
tell you something:

Your mother
has never liked me.

So you liked the bike ride?

Yeah. It was great.

I think you completely
made up for yesterday.

I'm glad. I've got to tell you,
I had a good time too.

I liked the brunch,
I liked the lighthouse,

I even liked
the little old man

that charged us $20
to climb 100 stairs.

Now, that's a good birthday present.

Yup, and it's not over yet.

The icing on the cake is,
right now,

- you get a back rub...
- Ray...

With absolutely
no expectations from me.

Really?

The surprises never end!

You have never been able
to get through a back rub

without expecting
something in return.

Well, is it your birthday or not?

All right. Let's go.

All right. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm...

You're not gonna make it, are you?

- No.
- Surprise.