08x01 - Fun with Debra

[bunniefuu]

Hey, guys, come on, settle--

who told you
you could have those?

Put those back.

Settle down!
Ray, can you help me?

Hey hey hey
hey hey hey! Listen!

Bye.

Ray?

What?

Where are you going?
I told you yesterday

I was going to pick out paint colors
for the bedroom today.

I told you I wanted to go golfing.

Yeah, and I said, "Too bad."

I thought that meant for you.

Ray, I'm going
to the hardware store.

You only have to watch
the boys 'cause Ally's at Molly's.

I'll spend the whole day
with them tomorrow, okay? I promise.

I'll skip church, okay?

I'll give my kids the time
I normally reserve for the Lord.

Do you want to be any part
of their childhood memories?

"Childhood memories."
Come on.

Ask them about their trip
to Disney World--

- They don't even remember it.
- They were three.

Tiger Woods could hit a ball
yards when he was three.

Okay, Ray.
Go ahead, you go golfing.

I'll drag them around
with me all day.

I'm sure they'll have a wonderful time
looking at paint samples.

There you go.

You put those golf clubs down,

spend some time with your kids,

and create some damn memories!

All right!

Maybe you should worry
about the memories

I'm gonna have of you.

You should have told me
you were picking up paint samples.

I could have gone with you.

Oh, what was I thinking?

Well, no matter.
Sit down, sweetheart.

You know, when I heard
that you were looking

for new colors for the bedroom,

I brought over my own samples.

This is from when paint was good.

You know, Marie, I think
I already found something I like.

Yes, but you have to
consider all your options.

That's true there, Debra.

You've gotta choose
carefully when it's something

you're gonna be looking at
for the rest of your life.

All right. That concludes
our Super Special Daddy Day.

- Who do we love?
- Daddy!

That's me.

That's great!

It looks like you boys had fun.

We went to Daddy's golf course.

Daddy's golf course?

Well, I played
like I owned the place.

Why are you all wet?

Oh yeah, I let them
play in the sand trap,

and then I hit some balls
into the little creek

so they could
go get them and rinse off.

You what?

Yeah, it was great.

It was like an underwater
Easter-egg hunt.

Aw, they loved it.

Boys, go upstairs and change.

Oh boy.

So, what's Super Special Daddy

getting for Super Special Supper?

This was supposed
to be the kids' day,

and you dragged them
around the golf course?

What are you talking about?
They had a great time.

I thought the whole point
was for me and the kids

to spend some time together
and have fun, huh?

Like when Dad used to
take me and Robert

to the lodge
instead of the playground.

You took my babies
to your disgusting lodge?

Never happened.
I don't know what he's talking about.

Oh what? It was fun--

collecting bottle caps
and learning how to play pool.

Dad, remember
you would get a beer

and you'd let me and Robert
suck the foam off the top of it?

You let my Raymond have beer?

Made a man out of him!

Almost.

What? No big deal.

This is your defense-- him?

Yeah.

We were happy
'cause we were with our dad.

And that's why
the boys had a good time.

Doing what you want to do.

The boys had fun.

To quote them, "Ya-hoo."

They did seem happy.

Next time, give them some beer.

Look, you said you should create
some childhood memories.

I think we made
a whole bunch of good ones today.

I agree with Raymond.

Well, you know, they did seem
like they had a good time.

So okay, you're right.

Thank you.

And I had a great time too.

Hey, Ray,
remember at the lodge

when the guys tried to get you
to smoke a cigarette

and you swallowed it?

You threw up funny.

Oh boy, those kids
really wore me out today.

I've probably got
just enough strength

to make love, and that's it.

How you doin'?

So you really spent the whole day

on the golf course with the kids?

Wait a minute.
Didn't I already win this argument?

I know, but it's just...

I don't know.

It seemed like you had
such a good time together.

You told me to.

Well, what about me?

What do you mean?

You can have a good time
with them every day if you want.

Do it tomorrow.

I can go golfing
without the noise, you know.

I didn't want to say anything,

but they cost me,
like, four strokes.

Not me and them.

Me and you.

What?

I mean, you can have
such a fun time with the kids.

Why can't you
have fun with me?

I was just trying
to have fun with you.

You were trying
to have sex with me.

Sex is fun.

Especially with me, 'cause I whistle.

You remember when
we were boyfriend and girlfriend,

we used to
go to concerts and bowling,

baseball games-- everything.

We used to have fun.

Look, I didn't know that you were
still interested in having fun.

What are you talking about?
Of course I am.

Well, all right, but you gotta tell me.
I'm not a mind reader.

All right, okay.
You know what?

I am telling you right now,
I want to have fun with you.

- Okay--
- Non-sexual fun.

Where is this coming from?

Were you reading one
of those magazines in the beauty parlor?

No, Ray.

But I did happen to get a postcard
from Amy and Robert today.

Oh, Amy and Robert!

"Oh, we're in ltaly.

Let's share a piece
of spaghetti together

and then we can slurp it
till we meet in the middle."

"We're having
such a great time together.

It's absolutely magical."

They're on their honeymoon!

Guess what they're doing a lot of.

It's not just that.

They enjoy each other.

They enjoy each other's company.

They enjoy being together.
You remember what that was like?

Well... so what,

you wanna have like
a picnic or something?

No. You know what
I was thinking?

Why don't we
go golfing together?

Come on, Ray.

I mean, you know,
you love golf,

and I wanna be a part of that.

It could be fun.
You could teach me.

Come on, Ray.
I mean, you know, golf is your thing.

You read about it, you watch it,

you wear your nicest clothes to it--

I wanna be a part of that.

Listen, golf--

golf, it's a frustrating game,
all right?

And it's really hot out there.

And-and if there's lightning,
you could be k*lled.

All right.

Listen...

if-if you want to go golfing...

we'll go.

Because you're my girlfriend.

Yeah?

Yeah. Yeah.

And-and if there's lightning,

I'll step in front of you
and take it in the head.

- There you are.
- Hey.

I was just in the gift shop.

You didn't par off
without me, did you?

No no.

No, I didn't--
I didn't tee off-- tee off.

- Right.
- Yeah.

Look, I got us visors.

Hey hey!

Great, yeah.
Hey, they match.

- "l love birdies."
- Yeah.

I mean, I know it doesn't
have anything to do with golf,

but I just thought they were cute.

Okay, Ray, I am ready.
What do we do now?

Right. Why don't I tee off first?

- Then we'll get you going.
- Okay.

All right.

Wait. You're not
wearing your visor.

Huh? All right.

Yeah.

Now we look
like teammates. Whoo!

Oh my gosh, Ray,
that was great!

Yeah, that'll work.

No, really, Ray,
that was awesome.

I had no idea
you were so good.

My gosh, you were like
one of those pros on TV.

No.

- Yeah?
- Yeah!

Wow!

You know, I got my hips
through on that one.

Hit another one.

No, don't worry.

There'll be plenty more times
to amaze you.

- Here, go ahead.
- Oh boy.

I'll set you up here.

- Okay.
- Yeah, don't worry about it.

- Go ahead.
- Okay.

Yep. Relax.

All right, well...

all right, I'll help you.

Just, um...

What?

No, it's just this is a lot better
than when I showed Robert.

All right, so...
yeah, that's good.

The grip-- here.
First, this hand goes up here,

then the right hand on top.

Then kind of interlock
at the pinkie there.

Okay, now just watch it,

and just take it back
nice and slow,

and then just swing through.

Oh, I hit it!
I hit that ball! That little ball!

That's-that's--

you know what?
It's not bad. That's very good.

Really? Yeah?

Really. Yeah.

Sorry, guys.

We'll get out of your way.

All right.

Hey, guys, if my wife calls,

- tell her I'm with my girlfriend.
- Oh!

All right, this is great.

You've got a chance
to break on this hole.

Okay, show me again.

Okay, just--

you just put your thumbs
on top of the grip--

- And palms facing each other.
- Right.

Oh! Ha ha! Yeah!

See? See, you're a great putter.

Okay.

Okay, honey, slice it in.

Oh, you gotta hit it, you idiot!

Um, you know what?

What?

Nothing.
It's just I noticed that your thumbs

aren't really
on top of your grip.

Oh yeah.
Yeah, you're right.

Okay.

Good sh*t, honey.

Yeah, a bogey.

Are you okay?

You didn't mind me
correcting you, did you?

No, not at all.
I love it at home,

why wouldn't I love it
on the golf course?

I'm joking.

Golfers, they zing
each other all the time.

They zing-zing!

Come on, next hole!

- Posture posture posture.
- I know, I know, I know.

Hold on, hold on.

You just, uh...

you're a little too bent over.

You know what, Ray?
Let me just do this one myself.

I just need a little space.

Okay.

Okay.

Here I go.

Wow! Did you see
how far that went?

It landed
on the smooth part!

Ray?

What?

You weren't watching?

I was-- I was
adjusting my visor.

You know,
I watch all your sh*ts.

Would it k*ll you
to watch mine?

I'm sorry. You should
have said something.

I did. I said, "Here I go."

- You did?
- Yes.

You don't listen to me at home,

so why should you listen
to me on the golf course?

Zing-zing.

Can you back up a couple feet?

What's the problem?

Your shadow is in my way.

What?

It's-it's right in front of the hole.

And my shadow's going
to stop your ball?

No, it's-it's just--

Iook, could you just
back up a couple steps?

Damn it!

The ball barely even made it
to where my shadow was.

Because you got me all nuts!

Can't even make a frickin' putt!

I don't think it's
your putter's fault, Ray.

You're right. It's not the putter.

What?

It's you.

Excuse me?

You know,
when we started today,

you were all,
"Oh, you're great, Ray.

You're like a pro, Ray."

You're not exactly
the same guy I teed off with either.

You went from hugging
and kissing me

to not wanting to have anything
to do with me or my shadow.

I stopped hugging you

when you started yelling,
"l need my space."

What happened to all
the boyfriend-girlfriend crap?

Boyfriends are supposed to
pay attention to their girlfriends.

Yeah? Well, we're married now.

You're still supposed
to want to be with me.

You're still supposed
to listen to me.

Look, I'm sorry that
I missed your sh*t.

It's not about the sh*t!

Well, then why'd
you bring it up, huh?

Golfing-- we're supposed
to have fun here!

And you know what?
I always do have fun when I come here.

But not today. Hmm, I wonder
what's different about today.

What's different about today
is that I made a big effort

to do something you love
so we could be together.

- That's not why you did it.
- Yes, it is!

No, I think you did it

so it would ruin what I love
so I don't love it anymore.

- What?!
- Yes, that's right!

So all I would want
to do is stay home

and listen to you all day.

And then when you sleep,
I should take out a pad and sketch you!

How dare you say I came here
to ruin golf for you!

- Well then, why'd you come?!
- Forget it, Ray.

It's obvious that
you don't even want me here.

Well, maybe I don't.
Maybe I need my space too!

You're right, Ray.

You're right.

But, you know, maybe it would
help your argument

if we were even a little bit
connected at home.

But it doesn't
happen there either.

Maybe I do want what
Amy and Robert have.

Maybe I do want what we had.

But I shouldn't have come here.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm gonna...

I'm gonna work on all those things
that you were talking about.

I wanna have fun with you too.

I like being with you.

I just-- you know,
I guess it's...

it's easy to forget

after you've been
married for years.

.

I guess it just feels like
because we have so much fun.

Come on, let's finish.
We've got a couple more holes.

You know,
I think I've had enough.

No, but you're doing good.

All you gotta do
is just keep trying.

Thanks, Ray,
but you know what?

I hate golf.

Really?

You're not just saying that
to make me feel good, are you?

I gotta say, this part--
a little better with Robert.

Zing-zing!

Hey.

Hi.

Sorry we're late.

The kids give you
any trouble?

Just the big ugly one.

How was your golf date?

It was really nice.

Yeah. Boy, that's the most fun
we've had in a long time.

Then you really recommend
this spending the day together?

- Absolutely. Makes you feel young.
- Yeah.

I'm so jealous.

Frank, I don't care
what you say.

Tomorrow I'm spending
the day with Raymond.