09x01 - The Home

Episode transcripts for TV show, "Everybody Loves Raymond". Aired: September 13, 1996 – May 16, 2005.*
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Ray is a successful sports writer and family man who deals with a brother and parents -- who happen to live across the street from him.
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09x01 - The Home

Post by bunniefuu »

-Hi.
-Hi, Marie. Hi, Frank.

Hey, Ma. So where were you
all weekend?

You remember our
dear old friends, the Santorellis?

She wore all
that makeup

and he had that
bad toupee.

Yes, your dear friends.

They bought a condominium
in New Jersey,

the Garden State Villas.

And Claudia
invited us down.

Ah, yeah.
That's nice, Ma.

You can tell Raymond
all about it. Bye now.

No no no. Come on,
I want you to sit down.

We want to have
a talk with all of you.

Last time we had
a sitdown talk,

you told us you were
giving our dog away.

"Boo-hoo-hoo.

You gave my
doggie away!"

Robert, now stop it
this instant.

- Okay. So we had a wonderful time.
- No dogs there.

Frank!

And the condo was
just beautiful.

And the food was
especially good.

Yeah, I had
a steak so big

I almost couldn't
finish it.

And then I did.

Great. See, that's why you guys
should have a video camera.

Hey! Your mother's talking.
No TV now.

So on the drive home

we started talking

and, well, we--

What is it, Marie?

We want to move there.

What do you mean,

move there?

We're just thinking about it.

I want to live there.

What do you mean,

Iive there?

Marie, this place is so great,

you'd really consider
moving all the way to New Jersey?

We're just thinking about it.

But I have to say that
everyone there seemed

so active, 'cause usually

when you think about
a retirement community,

it's depressing.

Yes, I generally don't
care for the elderly.

But their days are so full.

They've got golf
and a health spa

and theme nights.

Meanwhile, Frank and l,
we had a good time.

I haven't had
that much fun

with your father
in a long time.

We laughed...

and we took walks...

and we held hands.

Dad?

They got
cheap booze there.

No, what this weekend
made me realize

is that Ally is
old enough to babysit.

And Robert, I finally
got you married off.

And Debra,

I've taught you all I can.

But at the community--
that's what they call it--

there are so many other women there
just like me.

I know that sounds chilling,
but it wasn't so bad.

And Claudia took us

to the rehearsal space
for the drama club

and she started
to go on and on

about what a lovely
singing voice

I had in church choir.

It was embarrassing.

And then she said

that she thought
I would be perfect--

perfect to play the lead
in the fall production

of "The Unsinkable
Molly Brown."

Might have to
change the title.

So you want to move away?

But wouldn't you miss...

Raymond?

I'm not saying
this would be easy.

But everyone said

that their relationship
with their children

and their grandchildren
has never been better.

I can't breathe.

Nothing is set, honey.

That's why we wanted
to talk it over.

And it wouldn't be like
we wouldn't see you.

We're only 85 minutes away.

Speaking of that, I haven't eaten
for 85 minutes.

I'll get you something, Frank.

Wait. I'll help you.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

Wow.

- Wow!
- Wowie wowie wowie wowie wow!

85 minutes!
85 minutes!

I know. 85 minutes!

It's my new favorite number.

Wait, it could even be more
if you count traffic.

Traffic? We have never
had traffic between us.

Traffic! Ooh.

Although it
would be weird.

I mean, they've always been
right across the street.

I can't imagine them
not being there.

- Actually, I can.
- Me too.

Shake it, shake it,
shake it, shake it.

Wait a minute.
You're actually thinking

about giving up a house that you've
lived in for almost 50 years?

You're sure you don't want
to try to just, you know,

finish things up here?

Actually, we--
we discussed

what to do with
the house too.

- Didn't we, Frank?
- Yep.

If we do move, Robert,

we want you and Amy
to take the house.

What?

Hey, take it easy.
We wouldn't just give it away.

We'd sell it to you.

We'd sell it for
the price that we paid--

$26,000.

That is an amazing offer.

Yes, it-- it sure is.

But as much
as I love that house,

you know, I wouldn't want it
if it means you guys leaving.

He's right.

I wouldn't want it that way.

You know what?
I think I need a drink or something.

Excuse me.

Get me something too.

And where's my snack?

We're comforting each other.

Okay.

This is something, huh?

Yeah. Something.

Some thing.

It's unbelievable!

This is amazing!

Take it easy.
They're right in there.

I'm a little excited.
I'm a little excited.

I'm just a little excited.

Wait wait wait.

Wait till you hear
the best part.

- We get the house.
- What?

- Our own house!
- You get the house?

We get the house.
$26,000.

Wh-wh-why do
you get that?

- What do you care, Ray?
- $26,000.

85 minutes.

Yeah, you're right!

The kids seem
pretty shaken up.

Yeah.

I feel bad.

How are we gonna
break it to them

that we already
signed the lease?

I don't want it
to feel like we're

running out on them.

I mean, they should
tell us to go.

It should come
from them.

How are you gonna
get them to do that?

Well, just let me
do the talking.

That should make
them want us to go.

Oh, you.

It's exciting,
isn't it, Chi-Chi?

Oh, boy.

It's-- it's not
easy to think about.

- You got that right.
- Mmm.

It is a painful time.

We really enjoyed
this weekend,

more than we have
in a long time.

Maybe it's not
the right time

to make such
a big change.

You know, Mom...

there's nothing
wrong with you

doing something
for yourself

once in a while.

Yes,
you are always

thinking of
everyone else.

You give, give,
and then you give some more.

Yes, and
you too, Frank.

It has always
been about others.

So what do you
think, Marie?

Okay, let's do it.

Great!

How great is it
that my parents are

moving into
a furnished place?

You know what
else is great?

A yard sale.

Hey.

Aw, look, honey, our neighbors
have stopped by.

- Howdy, neighbor.
- Howdy, neighbor

- Yeah.
- Wow, look at this place.

Yeah.

You okay?

Yeah, I guess it's-- it's--

it's all just hitting me.

It's really happening, huh?

Oh, yeah. No kidding
it's happening.

I got some party hats
and noisemakers.

See that?

Got the champagne
in the fridge.

Buh-buh-buh--
my chair!

What's with you?

I just haven't been over here
since they packed.

Weird, isn't it?

Yeah.

Closing day at the mental
institution.

Yep. Final clearance--
all crazies must go.

- Come on, come on.
- What?

It's just that now that
it's actually happening,

I feel...

...Iike ruining everything?

Sad.


I'm gonna miss them.

They're my family.

Oh, well, of course.
We all feel that.

- Yeah, sure.
- No, of course. They're like family.

It's-- you know--
I mean,

I've spent more time with them

than anyone over the last 10 years.

Ray, you go to
work every day,

and you guys see them
a couple times a week.

I've been with them every day--
morning, noon, and night.

That's why you should be
dancing around naked in a fountain.

I know, I know.
It's just--

it's just all happening so quick,
you know?

It's like, boom!
"See ya, bye."

Oh, gosh.

Ugh, I don't know.

I'm always looking for

the worst
in Marie, and...

I just shouldn't.

Oh!

Oh, wait wait.

Deb, is this your...

you know, ladies' time?

No, Ray, that's not it.

All right. Okay.

I'm sorry.

- But it's coming soon, right?
- No, Ray.

Sorry sorry.

Ladies' time.

No. Deb, I see
what you're saying.

No, you don't.
It's one thing to be sad, okay?

I'm all for sad--
after they're gone

and after the party.
All right?

I'm sorry, Debra,
but my mom is

in a very emotional
state right now,

and your sudden insanity just might
make her stay.

I bought this house
fair and square--

$26,000 for a house!

I'm just having feelings.

Well, we all have those,

but there's a time
to express them

and a time to just
keep that crap inside.

Look, it's just
I always thought

that Marie and l
would one day learn

to, you know, get along.

I cannot just let her leave
and say nothing.

Get her.

- Stay where you are.
- Get out of my way, Robert.

All right.

Well, I guess
that's everything.

Marie, I want
to say something.

Goodbye.
We love you.

I guess it's time to go.

Yeah yeah,
is it 4:00 already?

Remember
the traffic, Dad, huh?

Holy crap.
Marie, let's hit it.

Marie, I have some
unresolved feelings.

Ow!

Okay.

I know I should have said this
years ago, but...

we kind of--
no, we have

butted heads a lot
over the years and...

we've said some
unfortunate things

to each other
and about each other,

and I guess
we've just decided

that that's how it is.

But I know that you and l
are not okay

with the way
things are between us.

You know, when you told me
that you were moving,

I was happy, because it meant
I wouldn't have to deal

with all the fighting
and the tension.

But I don't like
feeling that way.

I feel like we're
just giving up,

and I don't want to do that.
I don't.

I...

I think that
there could be

so much more
for us.

And I'm sorry that we haven't
gotten there yet,

but I think
that we can.

Oh, Debra...

do you know what
your problem is?

You're always
so dramatic.

I'm fine with
the way we are.

- Have a great trip.
- Aw...

thank you, dear.

Tick-tock, Marie.

Oh, Marie, I'll miss you.

Oh, and I'll miss you too.

Oh, Robbie, Robbie.

Oh, you're such a good boy.

I know the house
will be in fine hands

with you two living in it.

Thanks, Ma.
And I just wanna say--

Raymond!

It's okay.
It's okay.

Yeah, Marie, let's get
to the retirement village

while we're still young.

All right.
All right.

Goodbye.

I'll miss you all.

And there's some nice fruit
in the refrigerator.

We always have too much fruit
in this house.

We'll call you
when we get there.

Wait wait.

Uh...

we should throw you, like,

a going-away party,
you know?

Here, see?

It's like a party.

Hey, you're coming out
next weekend.

Ray's right.

Wouldn't it be nice
to mark the occasion?

Yeah, Dad, don't you want to say
a real goodbye?

Aw, come on, we're not going
to the cemetery,

just Jersey.

What is it, Frank?

Nothing.

I'm trying to figure out if
I should pee first.

Aw, what the hell?
I'll make it interesting.

Okay, well...

you wanna sit down?
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