09x05 - Ally's F

[bunniefuu]

Really?

What did he say?

He said it's time
to get off the phone.

Oh, he's so funny.

Come on, sweetie.
I need your help.

In a minute.
He's really cute.

Not "in a minute." Now.

All right. Look, I gotta go.
My mom's freaking out again.

See you.

Could you set
the table, please?

Jeez.
What's your problem?

My problem?
What is my problem?

You wanna know
what my problem is?

You and I need
to have a little talk.

Hey, crinkle-cuts!

- Daddy!
- Hey! Aww...

Let me take that
for you.

Sure.
What a nice girl.

Could we go
for two nice girls?

I asked you to set the table.

Oh, boy.

Ah, what's that I smell?
My favorite... lemon chicken.

Hey. Hold it.

- What've you got there?
- It's personal.

Can I see it, please?

Well, Deb,
if it's personal, then...

do what your mother says.

Oh, it's from the school.

What is that...
your midterm grades?

- I have to go to the bathroom.
- Stop.

English..."A."

History..."B."

Phys Ed..."B."
These are very good.

These are kind of
like my grades,

except for
the "A"s and "B"s.

Science..."B,"
math...

"F"?

"F"?

You're getting
an "F" in math?

Why do you always
just look at the negative?

Excuse me, who do you
think you're talking to?

- I got good grades too.
- We're not talking about them.

Hey, why don't we drop
the high and the low...

and then sink our teeth
into some sweet...

lemon chicken?

Ally, what's going on
with math?

Nothing.

- I hate Mr. Putnam.
- Why do you hate him?

- I just do, okay? He's so mean.
- Oh, come on.

He is mean! Take his side,
why don't you?

I am not
taking anyone's side,

but I have to say I'm not real
thrilled with your attitude.

It's just a midterm,
okay?

It's one stupid grade,
and I'm gonna pass.

God, why do you always
have to overreact?!

She's not
completely wrong.

Hello, you must
be the Barones.

Have a seat.

Oh, hi, Mr. Putnam.

We were just commenting

on how neat and well-organized
your room looks.

Thank you.

I assume you want to talk
about Ally's math grade.

Yes. Thank you for meeting with us.
L... well, we...

I hope you're not here to try
and convince me to change the grade.

I can't change grades.

No no.
It's not that.

All my decisions are final.

Uh, l... I understand.

We would like
to discuss, uh,

what she could do to improve.

What she could do
to improve.

Well, like I tell
the other 30 kids I have

times five classes a day,
times five days a week...

"Please pay attention."

Wow. So many kids.

I have trouble
with just the one.

And I don't have
to tell you

that math isn't the most
popular subject with the kids.

I always hated it.

Ray.

No. Believe me,
I understand.

They're always
asking me, you know,

"When am I
gonna need this?"

I don't know, but could you
need it just right now,

just to get me
through the day?

Uh, would... would you like
a throat lozenge?

Mr. Putnam, we're really gonna
cr*ck down on her homework.

It's not just homework.

You can't do the homework
if you don't pay attention.

You see, the thing
about math is...

numbers are constant.
They're clear.

They're... logical.

They're organized.

13-year-olds are... not.

Believe me,
I understand.

Thank you. I'm sure
Ally's a very bright girl,

but she doesn't pay attention.
Nothing I say...

- sinks in?
- Right.

Yeah. Everything I read
says that's teenagers.

I used to teach
second-graders.

Sure, you had the occasional
pee-pee accident in class, but...

they... they were so...

- Sweet.
- Yes.

- And appreciative.
- Yes.

- Mm-mmm.
- You two met before, or?

No.
But we understand.

You know, I will have
one of those lozenges.

Please.

And we're gonna
work on Ally.

Well, it was nice
meeting you.

I have to go.

It's parent-teacher night
at my son's school.

I hate those.

Well...

if "X" equals lame,
that guy is four times "X."

Come on. You gotta
feel bad for the guy.

What?
He's the teacher.

So?

I'm sorry,
but this is his job,

and he gets paid
good money to do it.

Good money?

Plus he's got
a teacher's lounge, a gym,

the tetherball...
he's got a sweet deal here.

I know teachers
like this.

He obviously doesn't
understand children.

Oh, and you do?

I know
why Ally hates math.

Why?

Because this guy thinks
math is the whole world,

and... and he takes it
out on the kids

when they hate it
like they're supposed to.

He's a professional teacher

who took time out of his day
to talk to us.

Yeah, right.

You love him so much,
why don't you marry him?

Would you just stop it?

Grow up.

Look, all I'm saying
is Ally...

No, Ally needs to learn
that not every subject is fun.

She has to focus, and you need
to back me up on this!

Math.

I'll give you math.

This minus this
equals nothing.

What do you want from me?!

I want you to stay
in your room and study!

Fine!

And there's no TV!

And I don't wanna
hear any music,

and I'm keeping this phone!

It's going well.

You know...

every child goes
through this rebellious phase.

I did.

One time in church choir,
we were all supposed to sing

"What a Friend
We Have in Jesus,"

and my friend and I sang

"What a Friend We Have
in Cheeses."

It seems like it was just yesterday
Ally was so nice...

cute little smile,
little blonde curls.

I have blonde curls.

Yeah, you do, Ma.

What are you gonna do?
How're you gonna handle this?

She's basically grounded.

There's no TV, no phone,

no contact
with the outside world

until she gets
her math grade up.

- Complete lockdown, huh?
- Yeah.

You know, in the big house,
solitary can go either way.

Sometimes they come out
and they're nice and docile,

and other times, you open
the cell and aahhh!

I'd hate to see Ally
go that way.

I just felt so sorry
for Mr. Putnam.

Kids have
no respect today.

I got his lozenges.

You know, Mr. Putnam
is the teacher.

He should get respect
automatically.

You know, Debra...

now, don't take this
as a criticism...

But brace yourself
just in case.

You can't expect

to impose discipline
on children

who have never had any.

You have to teach them
when they're young.

That's how they
learn respect.

You deny them water.

If you're their source
of water, they respect you.

What bothers me is that,
right away,

she took the teacher's side.

Oh, Ally's "F"
is the teacher's fault?

She's getting good grades
in all her other classes.

Why can't you accept
that maybe it's him?

I just know this Mr. Putnam.
He's not a good teacher.

It's... it's all about him.

"Math is great.
Kids are bad!"

It's not the teacher's fault!
It's Ally.

No! No,
teachers are fine,

but some teachers
can't relate to kids.

Remember that French teacher
I had in high school?

Oh, you mean
Monsieur LeFevre?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Except his real name
was Mr. Leftkowitz.

That's right. He made everybody
call him Monsieur LeFevre.

- Terrible teacher.
- Why?

Because he...
he thought he was so...

French?

Yeah. That's right.
He was a phony.

I hated him.
And he hated me.

We had to memorize these
French dialogues from records,

and at the end of the sentence
it would go, "beep!"

And you had
to repeat the sentence.

Like, uh,
"Ou est Sylvie?" Beep.

"A la piscine," beep.

So one day, I go,
"Monsieur LeFevre!

Do French people
really beep like that?"

Yeah. He got mad.

You know why?
'Cause it got a big laugh.

- But it's not funny.
- Then why did people laugh?

- Nobody laughed.
- Yes, they did!

- You were never funny.
- You were never funny!

- How'd that class work out?
- I failed!

That's funny!

Pulled their asses
out of two wars... the French.

What did they give us?

A disgusting way to kiss.

Who are you
talking to, Dad?

Where was that attitude
when I needed it?

You could've defended me.

What, and walk all the way
to the school?

I wasn't putting on pants
for that.

You never stuck up for me.

You always took the teacher's side.
And you too, Ma.

Just like Debra's
doing now.

That's right...
the same!

Excuse me, Raymond.
I was not like Debra.

I did defend you
with Monsieur LeFevre.

What? Why...
what'd you do?

I went down to that school

and gave that man
a piece of my mind,

even though your behavior
in that class was deplorable

and is the reason that you and I
cannot converse in French today.

You did that?
Well... why didn't you tell me?

Because you should
respect teachers.

Plus Robert would've wanted me
to do it for him.

Why wouldn't you
do it for me?

How about when I
was 13 years old

and my basketball coach called
me "the useless giraffe"?

You were 6'5".

You couldn't get
a couple of rebounds?

You see that, Debra?
You stick up for your kids.

You mean your kid who's
supposed to be in her room

doing her math homework

and whose math notebook
is down here on the table?

Look at the scribbles
on this.

"Tommy and Ally forever."
"I heart Tommy."

"Ally Sanders."

Oh, you see? That's not even
Ally's notebook.

I'm thinking
that's Tommy's last name.

Oh my God. Who's...
who's this Tommy Sanders?

Must be some boy
at school.

Well, he's not
just "some boy."

I think he's
"the boy."

What? What? What?
What's that supposed to mean?

Ally told me about him.

He has long brown hair
and he's really funny

and he's not
stuck-up at all.

Call the police.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Ally talks to you?

Yeah,
but just about this.

And I'm not
any help at all.

But I think
maybe one reason

that Ally's not
doing well in math

is because Tommy's
in that class.

But please don't tell her I told you,
because I pinkie-swore.

God, I wish
she had told me.

You know,
I have to say,

it's very upsetting that Ally would
choose to talk to Amy

instead of
her own grandmother.

Excuse me.

Uh, yes, hello?

Hi, it's me again...
Debra Barone.

Oh, yes. Hi.
Sorry. How are you?

Good. I just wanted
to follow up

on our great discussion
from yesterday.

- Oh?
- Yeah.

I think we figured out
what the problem is.

And it's nobody's fault.

It seems Ally has a little crush
on Tommy Sanders

and that's what's been
distracting her in class.

I couldn't go
to her about it

because she doesn't know
that I know.

She told
my sister-in-law Amy...

instead of me.

I guess it's because,
uh, Amy is sweet

and nice
and not judgmental.

And I'm just the mother.

Anyway, that's what's
going on with Ally.

I just thought
you'd wanna know.

- Oh. Oh, can I tell you something?
- Sure.

I don't care.

Excuse me?

I don't care
what her problem is.

Your sister-in-law
isn't the only one

that knows that Ally
likes Tommy Sanders.

Everybody knows!

Ally likes Tommy,
and Suzy likes Tommy,

and blah-blah likes Bucky,
and who-who likes Beebie,

and none of it has
anything to do with math!

Their... their home lives
and their love lives

and their social lives
are not my problem.

That is my problem.
And the answer is pi.

You see? Nobody cares
about the work,

even though that is the business
of this classroom.

Okay, I just thought
you might be interested.

I'm not.

I'm not.

I understand. I just
thought it might help.

It doesn't.

Anything else?

I have 30 distracted
chatterboxes

on their way in here
to get this wrong!

Lf... if you really
wanna help,

be a parent at home

and let me
be the teacher here.

Okay.

I hear you.
Yep, got it.

- Can I say one thing?
- Yes.

You are mean,
and I wouldn't marry you.

Who took my lozenges?

So I'm all, "No way,"

and she's like,
"I would totally buy it."

Hi.

I was just getting water.
Is that okay?

Uh, wait a minute.

I wanna talk to you.

I saw Mr. Putnam today.

Again?
Oh my God.

Hold on a minute.

I see your point
about him.

What?

He is a little mean.

And I think
he doesn't understand

all the stresses
that kids are under today.

And I see now it's not
just a black-and-white issue,

and I just wanted you
to know that.

Whoa.

Thanks, Mom.

This doesn't mean
we can forget math.

- You still have to work on your math.
- Oh.

But I just want you
to know

if you ever need
to talk about it,

or if there's ever
a situation other than math

that you want
to talk about...

I want you to know that you
can always talk to me.

Okay.

Okay.

You want a snack
or something?

Sure.

I have some, um...

pretzels, potato chips,
yogurt ball things...

Are all boys stupid?

Yes...

Why?

There's this boy
in my math class.

Oh, really?

Yeah.
Tommy Sanders.

Oh.

Well, he told Suzy
he liked me,

and I thought he did.

And then I saw him talking
to Suzy like he liked her.

And now I don't know
what to do.

Well...

talking about it
is good.

I mean, this is just all
a part of growing up.

Does he still talk to you?

Yeah.

Well, maybe he's talking
to Suzy about you too.

Though it's hard
to tell with boys.

I have to say they're
way more shy than we are.

Well, maybe.
I mean...

when I look at him in class,
he does smile at me.

See?
That's a good sign.

So maybe... not during class...
but after class,

you could talk to Tommy.

And maybe you and Tommy
and some of your friends

could go out sometime.

Wait a minute!

Hi, Ray.

What the hell is going on
in that math class?

After math class.

Tommy's a nice boy,
and Ally just...

Na-na-na-na-ba-ba-ba-bah!

You are in school
to learn, young lady.

Okay? And math class
is for math, not boys!

You're not looking over here,
you're not looking over there.

The only boy you're looking at
is Mr. Putnam.

That's right. Okay?

So, none of this boy talk.

You're...
you're 13 years old.

What's...
what's going on in that school?

I don't now, but maybe
the principal should know.

And... and...

Hello?
Who is this?

Oh, Tommy!

Yeah, you thought
you could hide in the fridge.

It makes plenty of sense!

She's doing
her math homework,

and I suggest you do the same.
Thank you.

Listen to your teacher,
and back me up on this!