07x03 - Room at the Top

[bunniefuu]

Welcome to day two of
a very special Tool Time.

We're live from Al's apartment.

Now, here's the star of the
show, Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.

Thank you. Welcome to our second
day, in Al's apartment, lovely isn't it?

I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor,

of course you all know
my assistant, Al Borland.

- Al?
- [Al] What?

- We're on the air, Al.
- [Al] What?!

[toilet flushing]

[toilet still flushing]

You could've given
me some warning.

Where would the fun be in that?

This week we've been showing you
how to turn the dead space in your house

into living space.

Today's challenge is
how to turn the dead space

between Al's ears into
a nice bric-a-brac room.

The dead space between your
ears could fill the Mall of America.

[snorts]

[hisses]

Today, we'll be installing a
sliding pocket door in Al's bathroom.

First, let me show you
what we did yesterday.

We used this space in the
wall... to put in a spice rack.

- Al.
- [Al] Right.

Then we converted this
space that used to be my closet,

into a guest bedroom.

- Remote control.
- Tim.

Next, we'll try to convert some
poor sap into Al's first house guest.

And then we'll convert that stuff
on your face into an actual beard.

Gee, Al, not everyone can
grow a beard as fast as your mom.

Now the pièce de résistance.

In the spare room above
the header in the kitchen,

we have a home
entertainment system.

With this set up, my guests
can now watch TV in bed.

- Not with that remote,
though, Al.
- Whoa!

Hey! I don't go in
for that sort of thing!

[lead breaks]

Mom, can you sew
these buttons on my shirt?

Eww, they're little skulls.

Yeah. How fast can you do it?

Well, I'm kinda
busy, but I assure you

that sewing demonic symbols

on my son's clothing will
be right at the top of my list.

- Hey, Mom.
- Hi.

What are you doing with my thesaurus?
I've been looking for this all day!

I borrowed it for a report I'm
doing, The Selfish Middle Class.

Randy. Randy, this
is my work station.

You can't just come and
grab anything you want.

Hey, it is not my fault.

I'm a product of the
selfish middle class.

[exhales]

What're you doing?

I'm at the dining room
table, I'm... dining.

Well, now it's sort of my office,
so, would you dine somewhere else?

Alright.

- Oh, my God! My paper!
- I'm sorry. I'll clean it.

Or I could dine in my room.

- I think that's
a good idea. Good idea.
- [door opens]

- Hi, honey.
- [Jill] Tim?

I'm having a really bad day.

Nice talking to you.

Tim...

I want you to build
me something.

[grunts curiously]

I've been trying to work
on this paper all day.

I can't get a
moment's peace here.

I just need a quiet private place
where I can get things done.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

You want something built,
and you want me to build it?

- Yeah.
- Yes!

- I want an office.
- Office...

A place to close the door
and get away from everybody.

- Get away.
- Yeah.

I was thinking that
you could convert the...

- Attic!
- Right!

[grunting] Hey.

[grunting] Oh, oh!

I've dreamed about this day
since the moment I met you.

We didn't have an
attic the day we met.

Which makes the dream
all that more significant.

- You're not toying
with me, are you?
- No. On one condition.

You keep it simple.

You want simple...

you got your man.

- See ya, Tim.
- Wait.

I got this from the
attic, remember this?

I wore it to a wedding, but
I can't remember whose.

Yeah, it was our wedding. Bye.

[stammers] Wait. There's just a few
more things I gotta ask you. Hold on.

Just a few decisions.
Paint or wallpaper?

Paint. I gotta go
to therapy, honey.

- Flat, semi-gloss, or matte?
- Uh, surprise me.

- Carpet or wood floor?
- Carpeting.

OK, plush, saxony or berber?

- I don't care!
- Wait, take a paint sample
with you.

- [thud]
- [Jill] Ow!

Sorry!

I understand you are a
student at the university.

Yes, I am, uh...

taking therapy is a, a part
of my master's requirement.

- Aha.
- I don't have much
to talk about.

Oh, that's OK.

Why don't you just tell
me a little about yourself.

Oh, oh, OK. Um...
[clears throat]

well, I just hit , and I'm trying
to jumpstart a new career, and...

I don't know which I'll get
first, my diploma or menopause.

I have three sons, each of whom
is the center of his own universe.

Brad is driving, which worries me,
Randy questions everything we stand for,

and Mark... he's
the youngest one,

wears only black and is
possibly worshipping the devil.

- Well, Jill...
- No, no, there's more,
there's more.

You see, I am completely overwhelmed.
My father d*ed six months ago,

I'm helping my mother long
distance which is not working.

I'm running a house, going to school
and leading my own counseling groups,

I'm having some people over for dinner
and I have no idea what to make them.

She likes fish, he likes chicken.
When I cook it all tastes the same.

You know, maybe
I take on too much

because I don't know why I'm having
people over in the middle of the week.

Well, Jill, it seems to me
that there's, uh... more.

Yeah, well...

this is only about ten
percent of my problems.

The other percent...
I'm married, too.

You see, my husband, he's going
through this sort of midlife crisis thing,

"Who am I? Where am
I? Should I grow a beard?

Should I buy a hunting lodge?"

And then, today Brad spilled a soda
on my paper, Mark's asking for skulls,

and before I knew it, I
was asking my husband

to start construction
[sobbing] on an office.

What's wrong with your
husband building you an office?

I'm married to Tim Taylor.

Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor?

Yeah, and maybe you'd better
switch to a tape recorder here.

I hope I have enough batteries.

You are so beautiful.

I mean, I... I get excited
every time I see you.

You feel so good.

Would, uh, you and your
drywall like some time alone?

I hope one day you find something that
makes you as happy as this makes me.

[sighs] Yeah, me, too. I just hope
mine has a head and breathes.

Now, think about
it, son. Look at this.

You have a dirty attic,
disgusting, dusty... and a dream.

You fulfill your dream with the
sweat of your brow and your hands.

[grunting laughter] Huh?

I'll, uh, stick with girls.

[Italian accent] It's
like talkin' to a wall.

Hi. I'm sorry I'm
late, therapy ran over.

Um, we need to talk
about the construction.

Hey, I always got time for that.

Picked up all the materials
down at Harry Hardware.

They all tell me I've
got the remodeling glow.

Um, Tim, I've given it
some serious thought...

- OK.
- and I really
don't want the office.

Preconstruction jitters.

- Everyone gets them.
- No, no, no, no, no.

- Life is chaotic lately...
- Yeah.

One of the things I just learned
in therapy is that I need to simplify.

You see... I take on way too much as
a way of not dealing with my feelings,

and this office is gonna
be just way too much.

You asked me to do it.

Why would you ask me to do it,
unless you really wanted me to?

Because for a brief, fleeting
instant, I thought it was a good idea,

but then you bombarded me with
decorating decisions and blueprints..

Ok, whoa, forget that. I'll
make the decisions, it's over.

No, no, no. Tim.

Tim, [stammers] I have problems
with this office on a... deeper level.

Ahh, sub-flooring, huh?

No. No, no.

I, I really don't want to be
so isolated from everybody

and when I get my office
someday, I need it to be a place

where patients can come, and
people can't traipse through the house.

Problem solved. I'll build a stairway
on the outside of the house up to the...

- No, Tim, you're not
listening to me.
- [Tim unintelligible]

I don't want a
staircase on the outside,

I don't want an
office in the attic.

What are you saying?

[shouts] I don't want
an office in the attic!

Sheesh.

I'm getting the idea you don't
want me to build this thing.

- And I asked you
not to toy with me.
- Yeah.

I begged you not to
toy with me, and yet,

- you toyed.
- [Jill sighs]

- I know. I made a mistake.
- [groans]

A mistake I'm very sorry for and
will obviously never hear the end of.

But, Patty and Doug are coming
over for dinner and I need your help.

Forget it. I can't be around
people after I've been fired off a job.

Tim, you're my husband,
not my contractor.

For a brief, fleeting
moment, I was both.

- You're ridiculous.
- You're ridiculous!

Your life's chaotic,
you want to simplify it?

Stop having stupid
dinner parties.

This is the first one in six months. I
haven't had time because of school.

You want to
streamline? Quit school!

- So you can build the office?
- Yes!

If I quit school, I
don't need one.

Don't use all that fancy
psychological stuff with me.

- I have to make dinner.
- You have to make dinner?

Where do I put this
stuff I just bought?

I can think of a
real good place.

[Kn*fe scraping]

This fish is really
good. It's not too fishy.

That's cause it's chicken, Doug.

Well, it's delicious.
It's not too chickeny.

Well, Jill, you didn't tell me, how
was your first therapy session?

[groans]

Fine. Potatoes?

Well, how did you like
Dr. Breen? Was he insightful?

He certainly incited a number of
things around here, I'll tell you that.

Yeah? I've been
picking up some tension.

Everything alright?

I don't think that's our business.
Why don't we change the subject?

Gotcha.

So, Jill, I hear Tim's building
you a great office up in the attic.

[laughs]

Lima beans?

Well, she asked me
to build her an office,

I did all the plans, bought the
materials, then she changed her mind.

Tim, we don't really have to
discuss this in front of our guests.

Why not? You ashamed of your
behavior? Afraid people might judge you?

Say, is that a beard
you're growing?

Yes, it is, Doug.

I promised pookie over
there that I'd shave it off,

but my life has become so
chaotic, I... I might change my mind.

You're really not gonna
let this go, are you?

You were really willing to let
my drywall go, weren't you?

You are so unbelievable. All
you talk about is stupid drywall.

- That's how she talks
about drywall.
- You're so self-absorbed.

I'm self-absorbed, Miss I-Pay-A-Guy-
To-Hear-Me-Talk-About-Myself?

Tim, I don't have the
time or the energy for this.

If it's so important,
build the damn office.

You'd like that? I won't
give you the satisfaction.

So, how's Mark doing in Spanish?

Well, your needs are obviously
so much more important than mine,

if it makes you
feel better, do it.

I wouldn't pick up a hammer if
you got down and begged me.

I love construction, but the Tool
Man draws a line at a mercy build.

I give up!

- You know this chicken
could be pork.
- Mm-hm.

[snoring]

He slept down here all night?

Half the night.

The other half he and Mom
were yelling at each other.

She catch him making
out with the drywall?

[snoring]

She told him he couldn't
build the office in the attic.

My God, is he still breathing?

Yeah, but what's the point?
His soul's been stripped away.

But his beard sure
is coming in nice.

Looks like he's got another
one growing in his ears.

- [humming]
- [door closes]

- [Tim] Hi, Wilson.
- Well, hi-ho, neighbor.

So, how's Jill's office coming?

Come and gone.

She backed out right
after she saw her shrink.

Whoa. So you were
destroyed by Freud.

- I guess you could
say that. Yeah.
- Hung by Jung.

- Yeah.
- Brought to a halt by Gestalt.

Could we? I'm hurting here.

This meant a lot to me, I put a lot of
hours into it, started to miter stuff up.

Next, we're in a fight
I'm sleeping on the couch.

Well, it seems to me
since the office was for Jill,

it's her prerogative if she
wants to change her mind.

Yada, yada, yada.

When I'm building stuff, I lose
myself in the job, you know?

This was very important to me.

Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

- I being selfish.
- No, no, no.

I'm thinking that you remind
me of one of my great heroes...

- Yeah?
- Jefferson.

- He was one of my heroes.
- Oh?

When that guy started, he had one dry
cleaner. Next thing he was moving on up.

- I'm confused.
- George Jefferson.

His wife's name was Weezie.

No, no, no, Tim. I'm talking
about Thomas Jefferson.

You know, he was a man that
needed to work with his hands.

When he was home at Monticello,
he'd lose himself building his house,

tending his garden, and it was while
doing these simple hands-on tasks,

that Jefferson saw
his life more clearly.

Hey, wow.

- I am like Jefferson.
- Mm-hm.

When I'm swinging the hammer,
that's when I see and think the clearest.

That's probably why building
Jill's office was so important to you.

- I never really
thought of it that way.
- [both chuckle]

- Thanks, Wilson.
- Mm-hm. Tim,
you growing a beard?

- What do you think?
- Well, I'm not sure.

I could never understand why a
man would want to hide his face.

- Are you almost done?
- Oh, yeah.

You're gonna have the snazziest-looking
skulls in the seventh grade.

They're not supposed
to be snazzy.

I was being facetious. I think they're
hideous and completely twisted.

Alright.

[clears throat]
Honey, honey, honey.

I figured something
out you should know.

- And what would that be?
- I am like Jefferson.

Tom, not George.

- I'll need more.
- OK.

I wanted to build the
office space for you.

Yeah...

But, in many ways, I
was building it for myself.

You know how at therapy, you
worked out how you were feeling?

- Yeah.
- OK.

Well... building things
is like that for me.

When I work with tools I get
a chance to think things out,

- sort through stuff.
- What kind of stuff?

Stuff we're going through,
maybe, or, like, the kids.

Do you remember when, um...

- I, I blew up
that water heater?
- The first or the second time?

- It would be
the second time.
- Oh.

Well, I, uh, I
realized then that

I wasn't as happy as I thought I'd
be about Brad getting his license.

- I thought you were thrilled.
- I was at first.

When he got it, he was
driving, he was never home.

- I never saw him.
- I didn't know
you felt that way.

Wow. OK. So... [clears
throat] you're saying that...

whenever you build
something, or, uh, blow it up,

it comes with an
equally valuable insight.

Valuable on many levels.

The first time I blew
up that water heater...

I realized that...

I could do this.

Well... Tim, I'm really glad
you shared that with me.

You know, just because...

my life is chaotic and
confusing right now,

you shouldn't have to suffer.

Would you please
write that down?

I've been thinking...

you know how you've
wanted to redo the garage?

I think you should do that.

Are you toying with me? I can
only take so much of this toying.

I'm not toying with you. It'd be
perfect because it's building for yourself.

- Alright.
- Then someday,
when things calm down,

I'll let you build me the
office of your dreams.

[grunting]

The glow is starting
to come back.

It'd be a lot easier
to see if you'd shave.

[groans] It's, it's softer now
than it was a couple days ago.

- Let me feel.
- Hmm?

It's softer.

- I hate when we fight.
- Oh, me, too.

It's not just 'cause the
couch is lumpy, either.

I couldn't stand it last night when I
rolled over and you weren't there.

It could've been worse.

I rolled over here and I
landed on the nutcracker.

[groans] That baby lives up
to it's name, I'll tell you that.

Tim, you promised me
you'd help with dinner.

[Tim] Just finished
shaving, honey.

You did?

It took longer than I thought.

I'm kidding.

Problem solved. I'll put an
outside staircase in for you.

No. No, no. Tim,
you're not listening.

I don't want an outside staircase.
I don't want an attic in the office.

- I...
- [both laughing]

Yeah.

Let's get back again.

I don't believe this.

See, I stopped it.

- That was going so well.
- I can't take all these
baboons laughing.