07x07 - Jill's Passion

[bunniefuu]

Welcome to Tool
Time on location.

All this week we're
gonna show you

how to remodel and
organize your garage.

And as you can see, this garage is
crammed full of every object imaginable.

There's one object missing.
It's called an automobile.

Right. The owner of this
garage has a classic Studebaker.

- But because it's so crowded
in here, - [bagpipes play]

he's got no place to put it.

First you want to get rid of the
big objects, like this totem pole.

No, no, no! I could
never part with my pole!

This is my neighbor, Wilson. It's
his garage we're trying to organize.

- Oh, my old bagpipes.
- [bagpipes play]

To clean out your garage,
you have to part with stuff.

Right. Let's get rid
of this old bathtub.

No, no, no, no, no. That's
my special tub right there.

You know, in the Roaring Twenties,
my father used this to make bathtub gin.

That would explain the duck without
a liver and with a case of jaundice.

- [retching sounds]
- Why don't we dump
this big lady?

You do what you
want with your mom.

We're trying to do
a Tool Time show.

Now, hands off that statue,
Al. That is a family heirloom.

If that lady could only talk...

This Tool Time episode
would take forever to do.

- How about dumping the tuba?
- Yeah.

- No way!
- How about the dog sled?

- Don't be ridiculous.
- The cannon?

- Never!
- [bagpipes droning]

- How about something small?
- No, no, no, no.

These are the gloves I wore in my
exhibition bout with Sonny Liston.

- You were a boxer?
- Yes, indeedy.

Back then I was known
as Sugar Wilson Wilson.

[laughing]

To your corners, fellas.

Get your own punching bag.
This punching bag is mine.

Well, sometimes to
clear out your garage,

the first thing you have
to get rid of is the owner.

Hi. Welcome back to Tool
Time and our special segment,

"Organizing Your Garage." Al
has installed the last of our cabinets.

As before, we used wood screws
on the rails along the inside perimeter.

And as you can see, we built
the lower cabinets extra large

so they can fit even the
most odd-shaped objects.

Like Al. He fits. You
can barely even see him.

[muffled] I can't
get out of here.

But the best news is now we
have room for the Studebaker.

- Mm-hm.
- The cabinets are
all finished now.

That's right. And
it looks great.

Best of all, I think we did a good
job of organizing Wilson's garage.

- What do you think?
- Save for one minor detail.

Yeah. Uh...

Uh, tune in tomorrow for another special
Tool Time: "Organizing a Yard Sale."

- Can I give you a hand?
- No.

It's always getting stuck like this.
It's becoming part of my workout.

- And-one-and-two,
and-one-and-two.
- [laughs]

- Oh!
- Ah!

- I am so sorry!
- It's OK.

- Are you sure?
- Oh, really.

After reps on that quad machine,
I have no feeling left in that leg.

- Oh!
- Really, it's all right.

Oh, I can't believe I did that.

- Good game, guys!
- Well, hi!

- Hi.
- I didn't know
you were gonna be here.

I had a meeting this
morning that got pushed off.

A little b-ball seemed
like a good idea.

- Who was the meeting with?
- A guy named Pee Wee.

Ah.

From the prestigious firm, Pee Wee,
Pee Wee, Pee Wee and Pee Wee.

No. This guy Pee Wee's got
this radio I want for the ' rod.

- It's a one-of-a-kind. It's NOS.
- NOS? What's that?

It's called "New Old Stock." Its
solenoid operates right from a ' Ford.

- It's got five-station pre-set.
- SIA.

- What?
- "Sorry I Asked."

Oh, guess what? Patty got opera tickets.
We're gonna go see Carmen tonight.

- Oh, no!
- [Jill laughs]

Carmen, the opera. Now, if they had
an opera named Car Man, I'd be there.

Um, Mom called. She said that family
reunion's gonna be in January now.

[sighs] I'm beginning
to hate those reunions.

All these weird relatives picking at
me. Aunt Sally pinching my cheek.

"Give me a little lippy, lippy."

- I gotta go. See you later.
- See ya.

- How's that leg?
- The leg's fine.

Did I overhear you say
you're going to see Carmen?

Oh, yeah. I'm
looking forward to it.

Oh, it is one of my
favorite operas. I'm Ian.

- Oh, Jill.
- You know, years ago,

I heard Marilyn Horne
sing Carmen at the Met.

- You heard Marilyn Horne?
- Yes, I did.

- I love her.
- Oh, when she sang Habeñera.

- Oh, that must
have been amazing!
- It took my breath away.

[sings in Italian]

That's it!

- Do you like La Bohème?
- Oh, I love La Bohème.

It is coming to town next week. If
you'd like to see it, I'd love to take you.

- Excuse me?
- Oh, maybe we can
have dinner first.

Um... um, did you just ask me
out on a, you know, like, a date?

Well, I... Yeah, I did.

I'm married. Oh. Well,
you couldn't see that.

But there was just that guy
that I was just talking to...

The one who hates your family?

He's my husband.

Your husband? I thought
he was your brother.

- You thought he was my brother?
- Yeah.

What made you think
he was my brother?

Well, you know, I mean, you're
going to the opera with Patty.

- And he's going
to meet, uh, Pee Wee?
- Yeah.

And, uh, you're looking
forward to your mom's reunion

and he's worried about getting
a "lippy" from Aunt Sally. I...

- God, I feel like such a jerk!
- No, no.

If that's the way we came across,
you know, like Donny and Marie,

I can understand how
you would've asked me out.

The answer's no. I
understand how you would've...

You really thought
he was my brother.

- Look, I'm sorry.
- God!

You two are wonderful.

If my husband sang with me
that way, we'd still be together.

What is all that?

It's all the stuff
Wilson's giving away.

He gave me his boar.

Yeah. We tried to give Wilson
our bore, but Mark wouldn't stay.

Shut up.

I don't want you
rummaging through stuff

- and bringing home
all this useless junk.
- Useless?

There is nothing useless
about a set of Ubangi nose flutes.

[flute plays]

I don't know whether to
say bravo or Gesundheit.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

What have I told you
a thousand times?

I know. No medieval
combat in the house.

I got a question for you.

Where's a nice, quiet restaurant
two people can go and just talk?

I love Sorentino's.

That's a great idea. That's
where I'll take Pee Wee.

- Pee Wee?
- If I want that radio,

I'm gonna have to
wine and dine that guy.

I see.

- Tim, we gotta talk.
- Mm-hm.

I would have talked last
night when I got home.

You were pretending
you're asleep

so you wouldn't have to
talk to me about the opera.

If you knew, why didn't
you say something?

If you go to that much trouble
to tune me out, what's the point?

You're right. If the system
works, why mess with it?

Yesterday when we were at the Y,

you remember a guy that was
working out right next to me?

No.

Well, he was, and, uh,
he asked me out on a date.

Where are you guys going?

I'm serious. He asked me out
because he didn't realize I was married.

- He thought that
you were my brother.
- Where'd he get that idea?

Because of the way we were
relating. We weren't connecting.

This is a guy that heard us
talking for five minutes? So what?

I know. But it got me thinking
about the way we've been lately.

How have we been lately?

Out of tune. Cut
off from each other.

I mean, yesterday we didn't
even kiss hello or goodbye.

You were all sweaty.

- I feel like we're
drifting apart.
- We're not drifting apart.

- You don't think so?
- No.

Our relationship is like any
couple that's been married this long.

It's comfortable. It's... It's
like an old pair of shoes.

That's what our marriage has
become to you? Worn-out footwear?

Not worn-out. Broken in.

Stretched out.

- This isn't helping, is it?
- No.

Jill, I'm so glad you're here.

Look, I want to apologize
again for yesterday.

I had no idea he
was your husband.

Oh, well, based on what you
saw, how could you have known?

Well, I should've
figured it out.

I'm just not used to
this whole dating thing.

I told my kids I wasn't ready.

- Your kids?
- Yeah. I have four.

Their mother passed away six years
ago. I've been raising them myself.

- Wow, that must be so hard!
- Well, it is in certain ways.

I've gotten to know my
daughters better than most fathers.

- You have four girls?
- You're looking at the only man

- on my block who can
do a French braid.
- [Jill laughs]

Four heads in minutes.

I can also hem a dress and
cook and mend a broken heart.

Wow! Is there
anything you can't do?

- Yeah. Get myself
out on a date.
- Oh.

That's why when I saw you yesterday
and our duet brought down the gym,

- it just... We seemed so perfect.
- Oh.

It's just been a long time since
I've, uh, been attracted to somebody.

Well, uh, you know,
I'm... I'm very flattered, Ian.

You know, but, unfortunately,
I'm still very married.

- Yeah.
- Did I say "unfortunately?"

I didn't mean that. What I
meant was that, you know, like,

under different circumstances,
you know, if I didn't have a wonderful

husband at home who I love and
cherish and who loves and cherishes me,

like a stretched-out
old slipper...

You would've said yes.

Yes.

Then I'm not totally crazy.
You are attracted to me too?

Well, wow, look at that.

This place is closing down.
We really should, uh, go.

Yeah, I guess we should.

Don't want to get locked in.

No. Be stuck in here
together all night.

No, don't want that.

Have you noticed
that we're not going?

I noticed.

[Tim snoring]

[sighs]

What's the matter?

- Oh, I had a dream.
- Oh. Did you have a bad one?

Not exactly.

What time is it?

Mmm, it's : . I'm
gonna read for awhile.

Oh, could you read
downstairs? I gotta get up at : .

Why do you have
to get up at : ?

I gotta take Pee Wee
pheasant-hunting.

- You don't like hunting.
- Or pheasants.

But I like that radio.

I'm sorry. I'll just
go back to sleep.

[Tim sighs] If you have trouble
sleeping, just do what I do.

- What?
- Shut your eyes

- and think about
something you really want.
- OK.

Something you're dying
to get your hands on.

It was an unbelievable dream.

- From the moment
this man, Ian...
- Oh.

Walked in, we couldn't take
our eyes off of each other.

- You could feel the heat.
- I'm feeling it now.

This is very embarrassing.

Not for me. Don't
leave out a single detail.

- We're alone. The gym is empty.
- Uh-huh.

We keep saying that we're
gonna leave, but nobody moves.

And then it happens. We fall
into each other's arms and...

and kiss.

Oh, wow!

Oh, that is so hot.

- What do you think of my dream?
- I wish it was mine!

- No. It's very scary.
- Why?

- I'm a married woman.
- [Patty scoffs]

And I'm fantasizing about an
intimate relationship with another man.

It's just a dream.
That's perfectly normal.

No, no. It would be normal if there
weren't a real guy I was attracted to

and there wasn't some other guy who
look at me like I'm a pair of Florsheims.

[Patty laughs]

OK, OK. I... Well,
what are you saying?

You're considering
acting on these feelings?

No. No. I'm committed to
Tim. I would never... It's just...

- Yeah?
- OK, so what?

He says we're comfortable.
What's wrong with comfortable?

A lot of couples don't
get to comfortable.

- Right.
- Right.

We both know that
fireworks burn out.

- Comfortable lasts forever.
- What's wrong with that?

- Everything!
- Everything.

- Hi.
- Hi.

How was your dinner?
Did you get the radio?

No. He was leading me on.

He does this to innocent car guys
for free meals and pheasant a*mo.

Men!

I'm sorry. I know how much
that radio meant to you.

I can't believe how
much money I've wasted!

Yeah, but it's only money.

And you spent it because you love
cars so much. I can understand that.

Are you all right?

Yeah, fine. I, uh, rented us a video.
I thought we could watch it together.

Oh, no! Let me guess.
Terms of Endearment.

Spartacus!

- That's my favorite movie.
- I know.

I thought I'd give
it another chance.

Thought it might bring
us closer together.

- I'm sitting right next to you.
- Tim.

Does this have anything to
do with that guy at the gym

that said I'd married my sister?

What he said was that we
seemed like brother and sister.

He's a con man, honey. He convinces a
woman that she's married to her brother.

[scoffs] Next thing you
know, he's moved in,

the husband's moved out into a furnished
apartment eating celery soup out of a can.

Honey, I love you.

I'm not gonna leave
you for another man.

I don't want to go through our
marriage like brother and sister.

Me too. Otherwise, we'll
have to move to the bayou.

So tell me something. Are you
totally satisfied with the way we are?

- Oh, yeah.
- Tim, come on!

Well, not totally.

OK. OK. If you could change something,
wake up and have something be different,

- what would it be?
- Do you really want
to know this?

Yes, I do. Say
it. Whatever it is.

If something could
be different, I wish...

[hushed] I wish it
could be our sex life.

- How?
- I wish we had one.

- It's been a long time.
- I know. I know.

But you know how hard it is for
me when I don't... feel close to you.

Well, it's hard for me to feel close to
you if we don't [whispers] have sex.

- What are we gonna do?
- You said we were out of tune,

so, uh, let's get a tune-up.

What do you say I take you
to Sorentino's on Saturday?

- A candlelight
dinner, you and I?
- That sounds pretty good.

Although, you are on the
rebound from Pee Wee.

[sighs]

I think I can get over Pee Wee.

Let me ask you a question.

If there was one thing you could
change about our relationship,

what would it be?

I wish that we would talk more.

And I wish sometimes,
if I'm feeling down,

that you would put your arms
around me and just hold me.

That's two things.

I just wish you
understood me better.

Look past what I say sometimes
and try to figure out what I really mean.

When I was talking about
shoes, what I was trying to say...

It was like a metaphor for our marriage.
And instead of having my feelings hurt,

I should have gotten past my own
insecurity and seen it for what it was:

An affirmation of our love.

Shoes. They say it all.

Someday it'll just be the two of
us prowling around the house.

You think we'll
outlive the kids?

I'm talking about when they move out.
You know, it's gonna leave a big void.

We'll fill it with stuff we've
wanted to do together.

Like what?

Oh, chop and channel a ' Merc.

We'll buy a fishing boat.
We can gut our own flounder.

- I'd rather work on the car.
- All right!

- What about painting?
- I love painting.

We could take lessons.

Why? All you need is
a pan and two rollers.

I was getting my hair cut and
I read a magazine that said...

that a couple gets
divorced every minute.

Gee, you'd think that couple
would stop getting married.

You know, when
we first got married,

I was so scared that it
wasn't gonna work out.

And then there was this one
moment about six months in

when I realized we
were gonna be OK.

I remember that. We went on
vacation down in the islands.

Walked on the beach,
the moon was up there,

and I told you I loved you
more than most of my tools.

Actually, I blocked
that moment out.

No. I had been really sick
with this terrible, terrible flu.

And you passed up Laker tickets so that
you could stay home and take care of me.

Yeah. Well, I was
young and in love.

And I scalped those tickets
for three times their face value.

I can't believe
it's been years.

I can't believe it's been all
night. The sun's coming up.

Wow! Oh.

Do you remember the last
time that we stayed up all night,

just the two of us,
just sitting and talking?

I know what night
you're talking about.

- The night I proposed.
- Yeah.

Do you remember afterwards we
went out for breakfast to that place

with the big wagon
wheel out front?

Yes! With that big wagon
wheel right in front of the place!

- Yeah.
- What was the name of that?

The Wagon Wheel.

Do you remember
what we did after that?

Yes. I don't think
I could still do that

after a plate of their Hi-ho
Silver Dollar Pancakes. [groans]

Hello.

Maybe this time we
should have pancakes after.

Hi-ho, Silver!

[♪ William Tell Overture plays]

Jill? Where do you
keep the cream rinse?

[chattering]