[Kid] Woo-hoo!
[ominous music plays]
[Chuck] Wow, I really thought
you had a win there.
Thought Papa G really believed in you.
I'm sure you feel hurt, betrayed,
pathetic, incompetent, and so on.
But the worst part
must be finally realizing that
you'll never be a hero.
But I get why you think you are.
No matter what side you're on,
everyone's a hero in their own story.
I, for one, am concerned
my Great Leader hasn't arrived yet.
So I constructed
this communication device.
And once I connect it to
your primitive satellite dish,
I'll call him, he and our army
will come down,
take the stones,
take over the galaxy, and…
I shall be the hero!
Don't feel bad for quitting, Kid.
Your comic book heroes do it all the time.
Hey, maybe giving up is
the one thing you'll be good at.
Though it is a shame
to waste such a good, tragic origin story.
All your heroes have them.
Exploded planet, lost love, dead uncle.
Or maybe a car accident on route 70.
You're like that bat guy,
only without the talent,
brains, strength, money, or success.
[Kid grunts]
Do it! Call him down right now.
I'll take him
and his whole army on myself!
Him. Me. Desert. Now!
He's coming from space,
so it's going to take a little-- [grunts]
Do it!
[sinister chuckling]
Too easy.
[device beeping]
[clears throat]
[line ringing]
-[screaming on other end of line]
-Oops, sorry, wrong frequency.
[line ringing]
[garbled yelling]
Great Leader, sir, the stones are here,
on Earth. Are you coming, or--
-[garbled yelling]
-[static screeching]
Yes, all five stones.
The galaxy will be yours.
Yours and mine and--
[garbled yelling]
Oh, it's Chuck.
-[disconnect tone droning]
-Hello?
[cackling]
[rattling]
[Chuck panting]
You couldn't have flown me here?
Also, "Desert, now"? You think
you could've been more specific?
Look extra pathetic. I'm documenting
our victory for the future of my people.
You have no idea what you're up against.
Your feeble mind can't comprehend
what a brave, courageous,
and ferocious warrior my Great Leader is!
His bravery is matched
only by his courage, which is the--
Wait, I forgot "ferocity."
Okay, restarting.
His ferocity--
[loud whooshing]
Behold, Kid Cosmic.
The instrument of your destruction
has arrived!
[Chuck cackling]
Ah! [grunting]
[growling in alien language]
[clears throat] Hear this, Earth being.
Your day of reckoning is upon you.
For you have unleashed
my unknowable wrath.
Kneel before my might
and surrender the Stones of Power now…
-[Great Leader speaking alien language]
-And I may spare your pathetic planet.
Kid Cosmic!
Whoa, that was quick!
[Kid] Not so fast, alien scum!
You took the other Rings? I thought
you were a good guy! That's stealing!
I found 'em in the first place,
so technically they're mine-- Ah!
[all yelling]
Scatter!
Ah!
[Kid yelps]
[grunts]
Ah! Whoo!
[screams]
The rock! He's behind the rock!
[screaming]
[grunts]
[screaming]
-[grunts]
-Ah!
[screaming]
Keep fighting, boys!
The Kid took my legs
and I went out and achieved anyway!
[grunts]
Ah!
[chuckles] Ah!
[speaking alien language]
If I could just… Yes!
No!
-[grunts]
-[speaks alien language]
Whoa! [grunting]
Ah!
[Great Leader speaking in alien language]
He's ordering the second wave?
I love the second wave!
Get him, rocket squad!
[grunting]
Ah!
[grunting]
Ah!
[grunts]
Whoa! [gasps]
Whoa! Whoa!
If I could just grab… flight ring. Yeah!
[laughs] Oh no!
[Chuck] So long, alien scum!
[gasps] A stone!
Portal, portal!
[yells]
Wrong ring, wrong ring! Ah-ha!
Ah!
Ah!
Wronger wrong ring!
Please, please, please!
[yelling]
Yeah!
Find the ring, men!
No need to thank me, Great Leader,
just doing my job.
What? My own planet?
[gasps] With five moons?
Ah!
Give up, Chuck!
You're no match for Ki-- [grunts]
You already got four. This one's mine!
Never! It's my duty to make sure
these never fall into the wrong hands.
You are the wrong hands!
-[Great Leader speaking alien language]
-[Chuck] Wave three!
[Kid] Look out!
Ow, hey!
[grunting]
-Yes!
-[Chuck] What do you think you're doing?!
Saving…
the day!
Now!
[Kid exclaiming]
Kid Cosmic!
[grunts]
[snarls]
Ring! Ring!
Where'd you go, ring?
-[groans]
-[groans]
No, I can't find it anywhere.
What about you?
No, my ring's gone,
Chuck's gone, and he's gone.
Yeah, I'm worried too.
Okay, meet you there.
[engine turns over]
[groans]
Ha! Is that all you got?
Cheap sh*ts when I'm not looking?
Come down here and face me,
Kid Cosmic, Earth's greatest defender.
-[Tuna meows]
-Ah!
[meows]
It's okay, Tuna. I've got this.
-You'll never get the rings, alien scum!
-[Jo] Kid!
What are you doing?
Getting a win.
Wow, Kid, this-- This is--
Worthy of a real medal?
Unlike my fight with the fake robots?
I am sorry.
I was gonna tell you about the tape.
It's okay, Jo.
It's honestly funnier that I didn't know.
'Cause after all,
the joke's always on the comic relief.
[car approaching]
It's not her fault, Kid!
It's mine.
I didn't want to embarrass you. I just…
I wanted to make you happy.
I've been trying to keep you happy
since you suffered losing your folks.
I know, Papa G. Just promise me one thing.
Whatever you want, Kid.
Stop saying
you don't want to hurt anybody.
[Great Leader speaking alien language]
[all gasp]
Kid! Kid, wait!
It's okay you took the rings!
It's okay you wanted to win!
But you know what part this is?
This is when the whole team
says they're sorry, they love each other,
and they reunite in time
to defeat the bad guy together!
This isn't a comic book, Jo.
This is real life.
[grunts]
[roars]
Niña gigantica!
Ah!
[Kid] Stay safe, citizen.
[groans] Let go!
And remember…
Heroes don't need any help!
[onlookers scream]
Wow, all the rings at once?
Now that's a lot of power.
What do you mean "a lot of power"?
What's going to happen?
You know this guy?
[truck horn blaring]
-[crash]
-[tires screech]
Ah!
No, no!
No!
[screams]
It hurts. It hurts! Ow, get it off!
[screams]
[screaming]
[grunts]
[grunts]
[groans]
[Great Leader speaking alien language]
[groans]
[cackling]
Not so fast, alien scum!
[gasps]
Ooh!
Huh?
Ah!
Way to go, Portal Girl!
No. Those… are mine.
[moans]
Sir, sir, it's me, Chuck! I mean--
I'm the one who called you.
I found the stones and I--
Hey! Hey! I said those are mine!
Give them back!
[Kid] Stop!
Come back!
I'm supposed to be the hero!
[energy humming]
-[barking]
-Ah!
-Whoa!
-[barking continues]
-[Great Leader grunts]
-[dogs snarling]
[in English]
Help! Help! My God, this is awful!
Okay, okay, take them! Just don't hurt me!
[screaming]
Go, go, go! Let's get out of here!
Please, sir! Take me with you!
[grunts]
I don't want to be Stuck Chuck anymore!
[gasps]
Thank you, merciful--
[screams]
No!
No, bad dog! Drop it!
[grunting] No!
Kid, please stop!
[Kid grunting] No!
-It's over! It's over.
-No!
-They're gone.
-They're not!
No! No! No!
-[all gasp]
-[helicopter blades whirring]
[Jo] This is a really bad time
for another invasion.
[indistinct radio chatter]
[motorcycle approaching]
It's okay, folks.
[dogs growl]
We'll take it from here.
Wait, what? No.
You're not taking anything. I don't care
if you're some secret government man.
Who doesn't tip.
-[snarling]
-You're not taking this away from him.
-He's just a kid!
-[Kid] Jo, stop.
It's over.
[metal creaking]
[closing theme music plays]
-[theme music stops]
-[static crackling]