08x08 - Tim's First Car

[bunniefuu]

Welcome to Tool
Time on location.

Today we're coming to you
from Hernando's Junkyard.

Thank you, Heidi.

Well, right now I'm standing
next to a pile of old, useless debris.

And of course there's the
rest of the stuff in the junkyard.

Now, most of us will probably
go through our entire lives

without ever visiting
an auto-salvage yard.

I, for one, as a
child spent hours

frolicking through this junkyard

next to all these
old, rusted hulks.

The noxious chemicals,
the pools of Freon and oil.

That explains so much.

But not anymore.

The revered junkyard's no
longer a hip, happening place to be.

Kids today have malls to go to.

Do you suppose
they call it a junkyard

because this is where the Chinese
people keep their old vessels?

"That one's got a big hole
in it! Move it to the back!"

I don't think so, Tim.

And to guide us through this
boulevard of broken dreams is

the owner of Hernando's, Larry.

Larry, how're you
doing? Hey, Tool Man.

Where's Hernando? Hey, Al.

Oh, he went to that
great junkyard in the sky.

Years ago. Yeah. Actually,

Hernando's ashes,

they're in the ashtray of
that Metropolitan right there.

It was a great
service, very emotional.

Put him in there butt-first.

When I was a kid,
remember that dog

that used to bother
me all the time?

You're talking about
Snuggles? Snuggles, yeah.

Oh, yeah. He's still
here. That's impossible.

In dog years he'd be, well, old.

He's right over here.
Look for yourself.

He likes the shade of this
Hudson here. I don't know why.

What do you say,
Snuggles? Remember me?

I haven't seen him
move like that in years.

He must really hate you.

He's probably still miffed since I
told him he had to stop dating my leg.

Moving along.

Now, you're probably wondering
how anybody could find anything

in a junkyard.

Well, you know, these days pretty
much everything is computerized.

Of course, that's the only
computer I need, you know?

A place for everything,
and everything in its place.

All right, Mr. Organization.

How about this? A
Dodge Slant Six.

Starter motor.

There you go. Slant Six.

There's your
starter right there.

You have to try just a little
bit harder to stump old Larry.

All right, Larry.
How about this?

A thermostat cover
to a Bonneville. A .

How about right here on the
end of the old bathroom key?

That's just freaky.
No, that's just lucky.

Oh, yeah. And your
career is built on,

like, talent and skill, right?

Moving on, Larry.

All right, now it's time to
take a look at the big daddy

of junkyard equipment.

Car crusher.

All right, Larry. Why don't you tell
our crowd something about this?

I'll be glad to, Tim. This
portable car crusher is powered by

a -horsepower Detroit Diesel.

It will crush a two-ton
car down to inches.

And my guess is,

these are the gallant road
warriors awaiting their final fate.

Ah. Sweet Galaxie,
noble Skylark.

And look at this, a
Corvair convertible.

My first car was a Corvair.

Just like this.
Same color, actually.

Even the same Western
Michigan parking sticker

on the windshield.

Wait a minute.

I think this is my car.
When did this come in?

It came in about a year ago.

It's been picked pretty clean.

No kidding.

I should've never sold this
car. Tim, we're still rolling.

Well, she's here
if you want her.

For now.

Week four.

The everyday existence
of a typical suburban family.

This is good. This is good.
You can get me studying.

A middle-aged mom goes back
to school to recapture her youth.

Pathetic? You be the judge.

You want pathetic?

Why don't you take some
sh*ts of a -year-old

who never gets an allowance?

And cut.

Hello! Hello! How
was soccer practice?

Great. Great. I have
something for you.

Stinky soccer clothes you
should be laundering yourself?

Ah, no. A hug.

I'll take that. Oh, I've
got something for you.

This is the application for
the University of Pennsylvania.

Oh, cool. Cool.

You know, a lot of guys on the
team are sending in video resumes

along with their applications.

You mean like soccer highlights?

Yeah. And talking
about themselves.

If I did one, it would be a chance to
show those colleges "Brad, the guy."

I'm sure they're waiting
by their mailboxes.

Anyways,

I'd love to do a
video but I heard

these guys charge,
like, a thousand bucks.

Well, you know, I know
somebody that's really talented

who could do it for
considerably less.

You've gotta be kidding! Mark?

You already got the camera.
You could do the editing at school.

We'll pay for the tape. Well,

doing an interesting video about
Brad would be a real tough challenge.

Yeah and me getting
through without k*lling you

would be an even tougher
challenge, wouldn't it?

This is great! Teamwork!

All right. Well, let's go upstairs
and discuss my hair options.

Hi, there.

Oh, hi. Hi.

You smell good.
Where have you been?

The junkyard.

On the way home, I picked
you up something real special.

You did?

"The Gabor Sisters
Beauty Sampler."

Well, this is so thoughtful.

You're not getting another car.

Well, it's not really a car car.

It's more of a shell of a car.

You know, I want to buy it from
the junkyard. $ , come on!

And eventually it'll become my
next project. What do you think?

Until then that hunk of junk just
sits, what? Out in the front yard?

Actually, in the
driveway. Oh, man!

Just for a couple of months till I
find a place to store it. You know?

It'll start snowing soon.
You won't even see it.

And then once the snow melts,
then we have a rusted hunk of junk.

It's already a
rusted hunk of junk.

But this is, get
this, my first car.

Your first car, your third
car, your -third car...

No, no, no. You
don't understand.

This is the first car I ever
owned. It's that old Corvair.

Honey, you don't have
the time to work on this car.

And we don't have the space
to store it until you have the time.

We certainly don't
have the money.

I mean, it'll cost a
fortune to restore it.

And we gotta save that money
for the kids' college funds.

Okay, okay. I understand
all that. But this is fate.

I mean, what are the odds of me

crossing paths
with my old Corvair?

Better than the odds of
me letting you bring it home.

Hey, Mark. Maybe I
used too much mousse.

You look like a pineapple.

Let me see your script.

I don't have a script. I
figured I was just gonna wing it.

Won't the Ivy League love that?

Look, I just don't want my video
looking like everybody else's.

All right, you ready? Yeah.

And action.

Yo, yo, yo, what's
up? I'm Brad, I'm bad.

This is my pad.

This is where I kick back when
I'm not kicking in all those goals.

Oh, oh, look at
who just walked in.

Folks, this is the
number-one lady in my life.

Hey, Mom, say hi.

Hi.

No matter how many goals I
score or how many tests I ace,

I always make time
for my main mom.

No, honey, no. You're
laying it on real thick.

What am I supposed to say?

Hi, my name is Brad. I
really love to play soccer.

And I'd love to come
play for your school.

That's better. Hey, hey, hey.

I'm Tim Taylor. I'm Brad's dad.

I just found my first car today.

I'd like to keep
it but somebody,

I won't mention
names, won't let me.

Cut.

Hey, Wilson.

Well, top o' the morning
to you, Taylor lass.

What are you doing there?

Oh, some friends of mine
from Ireland are getting married.

I'm building them
a wedding arch.

It's really beautiful.

Well, thank you very much.

So, how are things
over in Taylorville?

Ah, well,

for starters, Tim got me a
Gabor Sisters Beauty Sampler.

Ah, he bought another car, huh?

He's pushing for it.

He found a shell
in the junkyard.

And he doesn't have the time
or the money to spend on it.

And we have no
place to store it.

But just because
it's his first car,

he thinks it's this
really big deal...

Now, wait... Whoa,
whoa, whoa, just a second.

Tim found his first car?

Apparently, you think
it's a big deal, too?

I would k*ll for my first car.

You know, it was
a little Morris Minor.

I'll never forget
it. Gosh, I miss it!

You keep a picture of
it in your wallet? Hmm.

What is the deal with
men and their first cars?

Well, Jill, sometimes in our
society, a young man's self-image is

defined by his first automobile.

No. You're saying that men define
who they are as human beings

by four wheels and an engine?

Don't you think
that's kind of shallow?

No, I don't think so.

No, of course, you
don't. You're one of them.

No. The first car represents
freedom and independence.

I tell you, there's nothing more
exhilarating for a young man

than getting behind the wheel
of the car, revving up that engine,

racing off to his
first Mozart festival.

Well, maybe that's just me.

I don't get it. I just... I
guess it's just because

I was never emotionally
attached to a car.

Well, Jill, have you ever
had any rite of passage

that showed your independence?

Yeah. When I moved out of my
parents' house and got my own apartment.

It was so cute.

I had these Doobie Brothers
posters plastered all over the walls.

And this waterbed that
would slosh whenever I was...

Did I mention the
Doobie Brothers posters?

Ah, yes, yes. Yes, you did.

So, you're saying that to Tim, this is
way more than a rusted hunk of metal.

Yes. Just think of it as your
apartment, without the sloshing.

So, if you're looking for a star
forward who's got all the right moves

on and off the field,
you gotta think Brad.

All right? You got two choices.

I could play for you, or
I could play against you.

Either way, I'll
see you this fall.

Hasta la vista, baby.

Tim, I was thinking about
this thing with the first car.

I've been thinking about it all
day. That's why I'm cooking dinner

to keep my mind off
it. Just keep cooking,

cutting, cooking, cutting,
cooking... You can have the car.

That's how bad
it's gotten to me.

I swear I just heard you
say, "You could have the car."

Cut and cook. Cut
and cook... I did.

Now, don't toy with me. I'm
in a very delicate condition.

You can have the car.
Wilson said that he'd store it.

I can have the car?

You can have the car.

Say it again. You
can have the car.

God bless those Gabor sisters!

Hey, Larry!

I've come to get the car!

Oh, uh...

Look, Snuggles, I'm
just here to get my car

and then I'm gonna
take off, okay?

Look! Poodle!

Look there.

Wait a minute! Larry!

I'm gonna hold you
personally responsible for this!

Well, hi, honey. Did
you get your car?

Yeah. I got there just in time to
see it turned into a big, steel tortilla.

Oh, my God!

And on the way home
I realized I'm an idiot.

Do you want to
know why I'm an idiot?

Because you listened to
me and you didn't get the car?

If only it were that simple.

All the way home in the car,

I was trying to figure
out a way to blame you.

Truth is, it's my fault.

I should never have sold
that Corvair in the first place.

You can't blame yourself
for selling a car years ago.

Oh, watch me.

So what if it had ,
well-earned miles on it?

So what if the defroster
never worked in the wintertime?

So what if the muffler sounded like Al's
mom after a whole day of Beano? Huh?

Honey, you want
a nice cup of tea?

A cup of tea's not gonna cut it!

Bratwurst?

You know the sad irony, the
cruel irony here? The car crusher?

It was a Binford. Oh.

Hey, Dad, you get the car?

I'm an idiot. You
want to know why?

No. No need to explain.

Your dad's car got
crunched at the junkyard

and it's all my fault. I wish
there was something I could do.

We could try to find
him an old Corvair frame.

That's a great idea.

I could check all the junkyards,

go through his
old car magazines.

Yeah. You could
even check the Internet.

You could help me.

Why would I help you?

Because, Brad, no matter
how many goals you score,

no matter how
many tests you ace,

you've always got
time for your main mom.

Brad, do you think that
your father would notice

if the Corvair was a ' ?

Mom, Dad would notice if the
dipstick was the wrong color.

No, thanks. Bye.

Well,

that was the last junkyard.
So much for that good idea.

Hey, Mom, check out
the Corvair Club Magazine.

There's a guy selling a
' Corvair just like Dad's.

Let me see here.

Well, you know what?
Maybe I should call him.

He might have a lead on a frame.

Yeah. It says he's the
president of the Corvair Club.

If anyone's gonna
know, it's gonna be him.

Hello. Is this Gunther Frank?

Oh, sorry. Gunther Frank?

Uh...

Gunther, I saw your car in the Corvair
Club Magazine. And I was wondering...

Yes, yes, it's wunderbar.

It's very, very wunderbar. Yeah.

No, no, I'm not
looking for that car.

I'm looking for that
car, only a junker.

You do?

Oh, great! Okay. Well, where
would we go to meet you?

Yeah, yeah. We'll
be right over there.

Auf Wiedersehen
to you, too, Gunther.

Here at Binford, we're not just
tool people. Darn it, we're educators!

That's right. Each week Tim
teaches you what not to do.

After a recent
automotive loss in my life,

I convinced Binford to start a
program that will educate kids,

and save cars at the same time.

Our aim is to get the kids off the
street and into the garage restoring cars.

Now, Binford will supply
the tools and the work space,

but we need you to
supply the vehicle.

Now where are we
gonna get those cars?

Hmm.

Welcome to...

That's right. Today we've got
some pictures of junkyard cars

that you can save from
a crushing, cruel fate.

Now some of these pictures might
be a bit graphic for the youngsters

so, hide them now.

Anyway, first up we have

a Mercury
Comet for only $ .

The body's actually held up
pretty well, unlike some of us.

Little bit of work,
she's back to new.

Does she deserve to die?

I don't think so.

So, come on, people.
Pick up those phones

and call - -Z-CARZ- -U.

Operators are standing by.

Adopt A Car. Adopt A Car.

Okay. Now, our second item up to
sponsor is a Chevrolet Impala.

It needs wheels, tires, running
gear. Pretty much everything.

Action figure sold separately.

Sponsor this for $ and you
can turn this into a kid's first car.

And he can fill it with
his own memories, huh?

Call now, will you?
$ . Sponsor this car.

I can't hear the
phones ringing. Hello?

All right, you call right now,
lunch with the Tool Man.

All right, all right.
Lunch with Heidi.

Why won't the garage door open?

Well, I don't know.

I tell you not to lock that.
Then I can't pull the car in.

Well, why don't
you check it out?

What do you think? What is it?

It's a Corvair Corsa,

four on the floor, horses.

You brought my car back
from the grave! Hallelujah!

It's not your car. I know that.

This is beautiful. What's
it doing in the garage?

I bought it. You what?

I was just gonna buy a frame.

But the guy gave me such a
good deal, I couldn't resist it.

What did you pay
for this? Nothing.

What?

I traded my Healey for it.

You traded your fully-restored
Austin-Healey just so I could have this?

Yeah, I did.

You got freaking ripped off.

Why? What do you mean?

As much as I love Corvairs, a
Healey's worth a lot more than this.

Oh, I like this car. The
whole family fits in it.

It has an electrical
system that actually works.

Is this Gunther's car?

You know Gunther?

Everybody knows Gunther. He's
the chairman of the Corvair Club.

Well, wait. I don't get
it. Do you like it or not?

I love this. I love this. This is the
nicest thing you've ever done for me.

But we've gotta take it back and
get the Healey back, you know?

I can't accept this. Why not?

Well, I wanted my
Corvair back. Not his.

Well, it's practically the same.

Well, it's not really
about the car.

It's about what it
represented to me.

When I bought the Corvair, all
my V buddies thought it was, like,

the biggest geek
mobile. But I loved it.

The reason I... Well,

your sense of self was defined
by your first set of wheels.

Exactly. I mean, on the surface,

Corvairs seemed like
they were the geek mobile,

but under the surface,
they were, like, cutting edge.

But I still want to
take it back. Okay.

Tomorrow we'll do
that. But right now

let's take an imaginary
trip in my old Corvair.

Ooh. Okay.

Okay.

All right, shut your eyes.

Tell me what your mind sees.

Oh, it's nothing I
see, it's what I smell.

Your Hai Karate.

Christmas gift from
Aunt Barb. Mmm-hmm.

Went to a drive-in
movie off campus.

Double feature. Omen.

Exorcist.

Oh, yeah!

Your mother shops at Penney's!

You were so freaked out. Me?

You were the one that had your
head buried in my chest all night.

That wasn't 'cause
I was freaked out.

I knew that. You did the
same thing when we saw

The Sound of Music.

The hills were alive.

I don't know about alive. But
they were a lot higher then.

Didn't we go to that Doobie
Brothers concert in this car?

Yes. Yeah.

And then we went
back to your place and...

Sloshed.

Hello. My name is Brad. I
really love to play soccer.

And I'd love to come
play for your school.

Hey, that was great.

I don't get it.

You only used one
line of dialog I gave you.

What happened to all
my great interviews?

I b*rned them.

'Cause I care.

Mark, I think that thing was
great. It really was a good job.

How about this? You come
behind the scenes of Tool Time

and do a brilliant
documentary on dear old Dad.

Dad, I'm an artist,
not a magician.

We're educators!

Yeah! Yeah!

Right now let's take an
imaginary trip in my old Corvair.

Oh, if you can
open it, you mean?