08x17 - Young at Heart

[bunniefuu]

Does everybody
know what time it is?

Tool Time! Tool Time!

That's right! Binford
Tools is proud to present

Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Whoa, whoa!

Welcome to our
Tool Time salute...

to the last manly sport.

(COW MOOING)

Rodeo. Rodeo.

I mean, what's more manly than eating
your steak after you finish riding it?

That's right. These
cowboys are a dying breed.

Rugged individuals who pay no
mind to their overbearing mothers

that won't let them
live their own life.

Maybe it's out on
the range, maybe not,

but let them live
their own lives!

Al.

Well, moseying right along...

"Moseying along"?

Yes. Auburn Hills,
Michigan is hosting

the Longhorn World
Championship Rodeo this week.

All right. We called the
little practice arena today.

And we've got a championship roper
today to show you some little tricks.

Heidi, bring him on out.

Where's the rest of you?

They were gonna send us
a real cowboy, weren't they?

I am a real cowboy, sir.

My name is Ty Cisco. And I'm
a junior champion team roper.

Well, it's nice to
meet you, champ.

It's great to be here, sir.

You know, when I was your
age, I could've been a cowboy.

Golly gee!

Riding the rodeo circuit.
That must be an exciting life.

Yeah, it's pretty neat.

But I also like school and messing
around with my hunting dog, Wiley.

"My hunting dog, Wiley."

Look, Billy Bob, you got
me in a bind here, you know?

I promised the audience
some rodeo action.

Can you do anything with
that little jump rope of yours?

Yeah. I can show
you a trick or two.

Okay, then.

Yippi-ti-yi-yo! Klaus?

(WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)

MAN : Yeah! MAN : Yeah!

Let's have a big hand
for The Cisco Kid.

(MAN WHOOPS)

I'll tell you, that's
not bad for a kid.

You know, I'm pretty
good at roping myself.

Folks, I apologize in advance.

Klaus?

(WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)

This new French restaurant
opening up in Royal Oak.

Maybe your father and I should
go there for our anniversary.

How come you're not gonna
go to your favorite place?

The one where that
waiter always insults him.

Brad, it's our anniversary. I'm
getting a new waiter to insult your dad.

Never stop giving.

No.

Plus, I hate that guy at
Sorrentino's. Antonio. He's really rude.

And he sounds like
Dracula. "Good evening."

Check this out. I guess
they got this new program

where they put
cameras at intersections

and try to catch drivers
who run red lights.

Whoa, cool angles! They can
get the license plate from the back

and the driver from the front.

Let me see that.

Gosh!

Nobody's gonna be able to
pick their nose in the car anymore.

I think this is outrageous.

I mean, it's a blatant
invasion of privacy.

It's another example of
Big Brother taking control

and infiltrating every
aspect of our lives.

You just don't
want to get a ticket.

Fricking right!

Hey, Brad! Good news.

Yeah? I got a lead on where

we can take your
Mustang to repair it.

Really?

I'm surprised you
have time for mechanics

considering what's coming
up a week from Friday.

I know what a
week from Friday is.

It's our anniversary!

Our anniversary's a
week from Thursday.

What's a week from Friday?

Nothing.

She's good. She's good.

Hey, buddy. How's it hanging?

I hope you're referring
to my work light.

I am sorry. I thought
you were a guy.

If I am, I have a lot of
unnecessary cramps.

Yeah. I read about this
place in Mustang Monthly,

and I'm looking for Alex, the
Saleen Mustang specialist.

I'm Alex, the Saleen
Mustang specialist.

So, you'd be working
on my kid's car?

Look, how I fix cars has nothing to do
with the kind of underwear I wear, does it?

No! Of course not!

Wouldn't matter if you
didn't wear any underwear.

It's a beautiful Shelby.

Yup, ' GT H.

They only made , of these.

Actually, a thousand.

Nine hundred automatics
and four-speeds.

Quarter-mile time?

-point-two seconds
at miles per hour.

Pretty sweet deal considering
the original purchase price was...

Thirty-five forty-seven.

Are you done testing me?

Almost.

Who was the last actor
to join The Three Stooges?

Curly-Joe DeRita,
but he's no Shemp.

Hey! Tim Taylor.

I know. Nice to meet you.

You want to take a look
at the Mustang then?

Yeah. I was just about to
clock out, so let me wash up,

and I'll take a look
at it for you. All right.

But, hey, I gotta tell ya,
I'm a huge Tool Time fan.

Really?

Yeah, man. I just
really love the show.

What's your favorite episode?

Definitely the one where you
fell through that port-a-potty.

Yeah, the ladies go nuts
over that one, you know?

It's the first time I did
my own stunt, you know?

Anything for the audience.

Did that stink in there!

How long have you
been a mechanic?

ALEX: Since I was two and
I souped up my own stroller.

Okay. Ready.

Wow! Wow!

I mean, imagine that! You know?
Souping up your own stroller!

Nice save.

Let's go take a look at the car.

Okay.

Now, eventually, Brad and I are gonna
do some performance modifications,

but right now I've got some
problems with the transmission.

Like what?

Well, there's this grinding
noise coming out of it,

and I thought it
was the shift fork.

Turns out that's not what it is.

Maybe it's the syncros.

Yeah.

How do you know
so much about cars?

You grow up with four brothers,

you pick up all
kinds of guy stuff.

Four brothers? I have
four brothers. No way!

Yeah!

Yeah, mine taught me
how to burp the alphabet.

A woman of letters!

Yeah, they taught me all about
cars and tools. It was great.

One summer they even got
me a job as an arc welder.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! A woman
arc welder? Don't toy with me.

Tim, you're
veering off the road.

Sorry.

Hey, why don't you downshift, so I
can hear that noise you're talking about?

Okay. That should be...
There you go. Listen.

Yeah, it's the syncros.

I have the same problem
with my Fairlane Thunderbolt.

A Fairlane Thunderbolt
with the big ?

Yeah. And the glass hood scoop.

I gotta take a look at this car.

Tim, red light!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

That's a reflex from
having three kids.

I'm not a kid.

I'm well aware of that.

Hey, Marty.

Hey, Jill.

Look. I want you to see what I
got Tim for our anniversary present.

Wow! An old Hamilton.

Yeah. You know, he's always talking
about the one that your dad wore.

Yeah.

Mom gave it to
Jeff, and he broke it.

Then he gave it to
me, and I broke it.

Then Tim wanted it,

and Mom confiscated it
before he could come near it.

Smart lady.

All right, guys.
I'm late. I gotta go.

I'm gonna go to Jason's and
study. Mom, can I take the Nomad?

Yeah, yeah. Sure. Look, look.

This is what I got Dad for
our anniversary present.

You stole Grandma's watch?

Yes, Brad, I did. I mugged her
outside the Social Security office.

I've got some great news on the Mustang.
I'll tell you about it later on, all right?

All right.

So, honey, what do
you want for dinner?

I'm not gonna eat. I'm just gonna
change clothes and go check on Brad's car.

He's working on the car again?

Yeah.

He's been working with that
mechanic every night this week.

Wow!

He's usually so
critical of his car guys.

Alex has gotta
be a hot mechanic.

Yeah, yeah. He loves this one.

I wouldn't be surprised if he
spent the night at the garage.

Happy anniversary!
Happy anniversary!

They are so
beautiful. You guys...

Wait, what do you want?

Simply that you keep that in
mind the next time we screw up.

Okay. All right.

(PHONE RINGING)

Thank you. You're so sweet.

Hello? Hi, honey.

Wait a minute, where are you?

Well, how much longer?

I can't believe you had to go to
the mechanic's on our anniversary.

No, I don't want
to meet you there.

Then we gotta have two cars.
And we gotta drive home alone...

Okay. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

I'll call the restaurant, and
I'll move back the reservation.

Yes. sh**t! Yeah, okay. Bye.

Would you put this...
Hang this up? Yeah.

I got water all
over the mail. Man!

What is this?

This is from the Royal Oak Police
Department. It's a ticket. Brad!

Mom, I didn't get a ticket.

And in case I did,
I got flower credit.

Wait a minute. I think
this is your dad's ticket.

Hello!

Great restaurant.
Sorry I'm late.

Happy anniversary.

Is it?

Look, I know you're upset.

But I get so distracted when
I'm working under a hood.

Come on! I lose track of time
when I'm working with my hands.

Tim, who were you with tonight?

Who I've been with all this
week. Alex, my mechanic.

Then who is that?

Alex, my mechanic.

What is this?

It's a ticket that you got while
joy-riding with your quote "mechanic."

This is ridiculous.

It was a slow yellow.

The brakes are bad. How
can I get a ticket for this?

Will you forget
about the ticket?

Who is the woman? And why
is your hand on her breast?

This is my mechanic, Alex. My hand
is not on her breast. It's guarding it.

What?

And may I say what
a fine job it's doing.

Antonio?

Good evening.

What are you doing
at this restaurant?

My previous employer grew weary
of defending me in the lawsuits.

Can I get you
something to drink?

Yes, you can.

A very good bottle of champagne.

We're celebrating
our anniversary.

Champagne on an anniversary.

How original!

Okay, okay, okay.
Why didn't you tell me

that you hired a beautiful, sexy
woman to work on Brad's car?

Every time I try to tell you about
one of my mechanics, you cut me off,

so I didn't bother with
the details. So what?

When they're younger,
bigger details, I'd like to know.

I didn't even know she was a
woman until she took off her clothes.

She took her overalls off to
slip into something comfortable.

Look, to me, Alex
is just a mechanic.

There's nothing
going on between you?

There's nothing
going on between us.

Come on! You know I like
cars more than I like women.

Just... I wanted this night
to be special. It's ruined.

It's not ruined. Yes, it is.

We'll get another waiter.

We got French food
coming, some champagne.

Come on. I opened... I got you
something nice. Open that up.

You did? Yes!

Oh, my God!

We look like we're on our
way to rob a convenience store.

We were on our way to the
Doobie Brothers that night.

I know. That was
such a great night.

Happy anniversary, honey.

Happy anniversary.

I got you something. Here.

Did you steal this
from my mother?

No! I found one
just like your dad's.

No way! Yeah.

(PHONE RINGING)

Unbelievable.

Hello? Hi, Alex.

You found a Flowmaster at
half price? You are amazing.

No, it's just funny. You know that
yellow light we slipped through?

I got one of those ticket
pictures. You look great.

I mean, the angle
on me's kind of bad.

Huh?

I can't hear. Hold on.

You're fading out
there. What? Hold on.

Got ya. Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Throttle body.
That's a great idea.

Tomorrow. Okay?

Right.

Okay, bye.

What a pity champagne costs
the same for one as it does for two.

Happy anniversary.

Why did you leave
the restaurant like that?

I'm surprised you noticed. You were
so busy talking to your new friend, Alex.

She found an auto part we
were looking for. She was excited.

She didn't know it
was our anniversary.

I'm sure she didn't.

I'm sure it wasn't important
enough for you to mention.

For your information, I didn't
tell anybody it was our anniversary

regardless of race,
creed or sexual orientation.

So, you're an equal
opportunity idiot.

Well, that's a great way to celebrate
our anniversary, calling me an idiot.

You earned it! You could've told
her that it was your anniversary!

That you were with your wife, and
you could call her back tomorrow!

That's exactly what I did say, right
after you bolted out of the restaurant.

You should've seen
yourself talking to her.

You were drooling
like a school boy.

She got me a
Flowmaster at half price.

Excuse me.

While you were spending every
waking moment with this woman,

I went to different antique
stores trying to find a watch

to honor the memory
of your father,

and you didn't look at
me once like that tonight!

Thanks a lot, Tim!
Happy anniversary!

Wilson, what are you
doing? Planting snow peas?

(WILSON CHUCKLES)

No, no, no, no, no, Tim. Did
you realize that in Thailand

they sprinkle lemon grass on
their lawn to ward off a raging storm?

What do they sprinkle on the
lawn to ward off a raging wife?

Jewelry.

Jill's having a problem
with my new mechanic, Alex.

I thought you were
crazy about his work.

Well, he's actually a she.

Well, that's funny.

You never told me your
mechanic was a woman.

I didn't tell Jill either.

When she found out that I
spend so much time with Alex,

she got really upset.

Why didn't you tell Jill
that Alex was a woman?

It never occurred to me.

Uh-huh.

And why did you spend
every night with her this week?

To work on Brad's car.

Ah.

And it took you that long to
fix the problem in the gearbox?

No, that took about an hour
and a half, but we did other stuff.

What other stuff? You
know, am I on trial here?

Well, I'm very sorry, Tim. I'm just
asking if your mechanic was a man,

would you have spent all
that time over at the garage?

What does that have
to do with anything?

Well, maybe you withheld
information from Jill because actually

you are attracted to Alex.

No, no, no.

No.

Maybe.

Who hasn't fantasized
about dating an arc welder?

I am attracted to her.

It's horrible.

No, it's not horrible as
long as you don't act on it.

Yeah, it is.

Well, I would never act on it.

You want to be sure not
to put yourself in a situation

where you could be tempted.

You know, I'm the kind of guy
that doesn't like playing with fire

unless it's on Tool Time.

And we've all seen
what happens there.

Alex!

I'll be out in a minute, Tim.

The car looks great.

Hey, what's going on?

(EXCLAIMS WEARILY)

Nothing. I just... I think I'm
gonna stop working on the car.

But we haven't
finished the rear end.

I think we've looked
at enough rear ends.

Well, you're still gonna come by
and show me your hot rod, aren't you?

I don't think so.

I don't understand. I mean,
did I do something wrong?

No. No. Not at all. You've
done everything right.

And you were the right
mechanic for the job.

But sometimes two
rights would make a wrong.

You're a very good
mechanic, Alex.

And you're also very attractive.

And I am a very married
guy. And I don't want

to, you know, violate
that trust anymore.

Tim... Let me finish.

And I know there's probably
some attraction to me

because I'm a local celebrity
and a TV star, you know, and...

Hey! Hey, Greg.

Oftentimes, women
your age find...

Tim, I'd like you to
meet my boyfriend, Greg.

GREG: Hi.

Were you guys in the
middle of something?

No, I am... I am so finished.

Listen, Greg, I'll meet you in
the car. I'll be there in a minute.

Okay, nice meeting you, sir.

You too, son.

I'm an idiot!

You're not an idiot.
Yes. I'm an idiot.

No.

You're just a man.

A really attractive man.

Nah.

You know, you kind of
remind me of my father.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Honey, I want to talk.

You want me to
say that what you did

last night was okay,
and I'm not gonna do that.

Well, it wasn't okay,
but for a lot of reasons.

Such as?

Well, I thought I was going
down there to work on Brad's car.

But it turns out that, you
know, she was young,

and she knew about
The Three Stooges,

and she knew cars,
and she's attractive,

and I was attracted to her.

So, was she attracted to you?

Well, it turns out, no.

I went down there
to pick up Brad's car.

And I was telling her
that I was happily married.

And trying to explain how it would be
easy to be attracted to a guy like me.

And she introduces me to
her big stud muffin boyfriend.

So, that must've been
kind of embarrassing.

Yes, I made quite
an idiot out of myself.

Go on.

Well, junior there
called me "sir."

That's good.

She said I reminded
her a lot of her dad.

Oh, that's really good.

Yeah.

You're enjoying
this, aren't you?

Immensely.

Well,

that's the reason why I spent
too much time down there, I think.

And drooled all
over the phone, and...

(SIGHS)

You know, this stuff just... It
happens. It just... It's okay. I just...

I wish you hadn't done
it on our anniversary.

I wish I hadn't done it at all.

You know, because
this is the woman

I like spending
time with, you know?

Do you remember the first
time I told you I loved you?

When was that?

I don't remember, I
was hoping you did.

I'm kidding. Nineteen years
ago. Do you remember?

The front porch of your parents'
house. That summer place they had.

Sitting out there, summertime.

Your old man comes crashing
out of that screen door with a saber.

Chases me off the porch.

What's the matter
with him, anyway?

I never thought I would
see you again that night.

You just did it.

Now what did I do?

You just looked at me the way I
wanted you to look at me last night.

When, wait... Which
look? This one?

No.

Hold it. Wait, wait. It was... I
know it was in there, hold on.

No.

How about this?

No.

I prefer this.

So, I hear you're pretty
good with Mustangs.

What do you say
you work on mine?

Yeah, I'd like that.