08x19 - Love's Labor Lost" (Part 2)

[bunniefuu]

Why are we here?

So, you know all those female
problems I've been having,

the cramps, the
heavy bleeding...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're caused by a large
fibroid tumor on my uterus.

A tumor?

I'm afraid Jill's gonna
need a hysterectomy.

You're just talking about a partial
hysterectomy, right? Not a total?

There... There is
a "totalrectomy"?

If you take my ovaries, then that's
gonna throw me into early menopause.

I'm really... I am not ready for
hot flashes and mood swings.

I know you're not.
Jill, at this point,

I see no reason that I'd
have to take your ovaries.

Are you ready, Mrs. Taylor?

No.

Yeah, you are. You'll be fine.

At : , you'll be out, good
as new. You will, honey.

I love you. I love you, honey.

I'll be waiting
for you right here.

The doctor said this procedure
was an hour and a half.

We're going into two
hours and minutes now.

Well, I wouldn't be alarmed.
Surgeries are often delayed.

I hope that's it.

Give me some O chromic.

We've got a problem here.

Her vitals are all over the
place. She's going into shock.

(MONITOR BEEPING)

Why don't you just sit down
and have a cup of coffee?

Because I'm going crazy. And I still
don't know what's going on with my wife.

Well, we're all
concerned, Mr. Wong.

Do I look like Mr. Wong to you?

I'm Mr. Taylor.

I'm sorry. This waiting
is just driving me crazy.

Oh, and I understand. When my
husband Harold went in for surgery,

they said it was only
gonna take three hours.

How long did it eventually take?

hours.

Oh, but that
included the autopsy.

I feel a lot better
now. Thank you.

Hey! Oh, sorry, Tim.

Hey. What's going on? It's been
three hours. Tell me what's happening.

Well, we had a
few complications.

What do you mean,
"complications"?

She had an allergic reaction to the
antibiotic and she went into shock.

She's in shock?

No, no, no, she's
gonna be just fine.

We were able to stabilize her.
There's no reason for concern.

So she's okay then?

Yeah, absolutely.

But, unfortunately, I did find
dermoid cysts twisting her ovaries.

Now the cysts
themselves are benign.

But I'm afraid I had
to remove her ovaries.

So she had a total hysterectomy?

Yeah. Sorry.

I just didn't have any choice.

Oh, boy.

What was her reaction
when she found out?

Well, she doesn't know yet.

Oh, boy.

Do we have to tell her?

I think we do.

I'll stop in and talk to her when she's
out of recovery in her regular room.

All right.

You okay? Yeah, thanks, thanks.

Mr. Taylor? Yeah?

Your wife's out of surgery
and the doctor will be out

to talk to you in a few minutes.

Hey, boys, it's
Dad. Mom is A-okay.

When you get home from
school, I want you to give her a call.

Tell her that you love
her or something like that.

But make her think
it was your idea.

Make sure you erase this
message. Gotta go, bye.

Look who's back.

Hey.

How you feeling?

Like hell.

Well, you wouldn't
know to look at you.

I'm sure.

Anything I can do to help?

Yeah, stand back.
I've seen Tool Time.

Have you seen the doctor?

Yeah. Briefly.

What did he say?

He wanted... He was gonna talk to
you as soon as you got back to the room.

Where is the doctor?

He's delivering a baby. But he'll
be here as soon as he's done.

Can I have some water, please?

Not just yet. But I'll get you
some ice you can chew on.

How did the surgery go?

Uh...

Did it go exactly as planned?

How long can it take
to deliver a darn baby?

He took my ovaries?

(STAMMERING)

He said there was
no choice, honey.

Oh, God!

I have cancer?

No, no, no, no. No, no.
You have "twisted sisters."

What?

What is that? What, you
just mean twisted cysts?

Cysts, yes. And they're
benign. So everything is good.

I can't believe it.

He took everything.
I'm gutted like a fish.

Oh, no! We don't look at it
that way. You had surgery.

You had your radiator flushed.
You're gonna be running cool now.

I'm not a car, Tim.

I'm only years old.

I'm gonna go through menopause
years before I'm supposed to.

You start early, you know.
The early bird catches the worm.

Honey.

It's hard to tell what
flavor this Jell-O is.

It's either lime or guacamole.

Honey, can you
get me that laptop?

I gotta start working
on the thesis.

Honey, you just had surgery yesterday.
Are you sure this is a good idea?

I don't have a choice. It's due.

I'm gonna get you the tray.

(KNOCKING)

Hi, Jill! Hi!

TIM: Hey, guys. Hope
it's not a bad time.

Not at all. Not at all.

I brought you these.

Oh, they are so beautiful.

And I brought you these!

Oh, Al.

JILL: What does he think
this is? A grand opening?

Balloons really cheered up my
mother when she had her hysterectomy.

Please, God, take me now!

When did your mom
have a hysterectomy?

While she was in her mid- s.

And she did not react
well to "the change."

But with the help of
hormonal supplements,

she bounced right back.

Put a heck of a dent
in the earth's crust.

I'll go find a vase
for the flowers.

Yeah, you know, taking estrogen,

you know, really helped mother's
hot flashes and her mood swings.

And the side
effects were minimal.

I mean, you know, some
irritability and minor bloating.

Here, I'll get that.

Well, you look great, Jill.

It's hard to believe you just went
through major surgery, you know?

Really? HEIDI: Yeah.

Thanks.

JILL: Oh, for God's
sake! Put the coat back on!

I can't believe I have to look
at this perfect young fertile body

while I'm laying up here
like a dried-up old prune.

Now my Aunt Martha, she
didn't take the hormones

and she grew a goatee.

On both her chins.

Not a jury in the land
would convict me.

Hey, honey. Good
news. Got another visitor.

And we can stay all day.

At least the bear doesn't talk.

AUTOMATED VOICE:
Get well soon. Get well soon.

Welcome home.

I'm so glad to be home.

It feels like it's
been about a month.

Yeah. That's because it took us a
month to get home from the hospital.

Dad, did you have to
drive two miles an hour?

Your mom just had major
surgery. I was being cautious.

Yeah, I always wondered
what it would take.

Thanks.

What, you brought the spit
things back from the hospital?

They expect you
to take something.

It's like when
you go to a hotel,

you take the little soaps
and the bedroom furniture.

We're home.

Who are you talking to?

Mom? What are you doing here?

Well, when Tim told
me you had surgery,

there was no way I
was gonna stay at home.

I'm so glad you're here.

Why didn't you tell
me she was coming?

I wanted to surprise you.

You are so incredibly sweet.

Yes, I am.

And so are my boys. God!

Mom, do you know that the second
that they got home from school,

they called the hospital to
tell me that they love me?

Have you ever heard of such
caring and sensitive teenagers?

Yeah, as soon as
we walked in the door,

it was like, there was this
voice saying, "Call your mom."

Why don't you two caring, sensitive
teens take your mom's stuff up to her room?

Thanks, guys.

Thanks. Okay, sweetie.

Now come over here and
sit down and talk to me.

So how are you feeling?

Better.

Well, now, you just don't
push it. You have to take it easy

and give yourself
time to recover.

Mom, I don't have
time to take it easy.

I gotta finish my thesis.

Tim, can you find my book
bag over there somewhere?

Hey, I've got great
news on that front.

If you liked me before,
you're gonna love me now.

I've got you an
extension on your thesis.

You what? Yeah.

Talked to your advisor, told
him about your hysterectomy.

He gave you an extra week.

You what?

I'm not feeling the love.

You told him?

I can't believe it! I'm so...

Tim, if I had wanted my advisor
to know about the hysterectomy,

I would have told him.
How could you do this to me?

Well, honey, don't bite his
head off... Mother, please!

I don't need him to
get me an extension.

I don't need Wilson to tell me
about menopause on the Mayflower!

I don't need Heidi flaunting
her perfect boobs in my face!

And I most especially don't need Al
comparing me to his bearded aunt! God!

Let the mood swings begin.

Whoo-hoo!

JILL: Hi.

I brought you a surprise.

Oh, Mom!

You made your
special bread pudding.

Well, when you were a little
girl, it always made you feel better.

(EXCLAIMS IN DELIGHT)

Bread pudding's so good.

What was that secret
ingredient you use?

Bread.

Hey, I thought maybe
you'd like some cold milk

to go with your bread pudding.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Sounds like she's
feeling better.

Mama's home cooking
works every time.

(JILL EXCLAIMS IN DELIGHT)

(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)

This is whole milk. What,
are you trying to k*ll me?

No. But I could see how
you could think that way.

This is full of
fat and calories.

It's no worse than your
mother's bread pudding.

Damn!

How could you let
her make this for me?

There's like a pound of butter
in here and a dozen eggs.

If it doesn't give me a heart att*ck, it's
gonna turn me into a big, old, fat sow.

Is it hot in here?

I don't think so. God!

It's hot! It's hot!
I'm sweating. God!

Why is that window closed?

Well, it's a little thing
we call winter, honey.

Honey, maybe this is
one of those hot flashes.

I am not having a hot flash.

No. It is too soon
for hot flashes!

Well, didn't your doctor say if
you took some of that estrogen,

it would help these hot
flashes and mood swings?

So now you think I'm
having a mood swing?

I think whatever
you're thinking.

Tim, don't patronize me, okay?

I am not gonna take
estrogen until I've had a chance

to research it. All right.

I can't research it until
I've finished my thesis!

And I can't finish my
thesis 'cause I'm so hot!

Why can't you understand that?

I don't know!

If you want to go back up to her
bedroom, better put on your mukluks.

Is Jill having a hot flash?

I guess that's what it is.

She wants me to go to the
store, get some low-fat milk.

Well, just hang in there.
Things will get better.

I hope so.

I wonder if I'm gonna
make it through menopause.

You're doing a great job, Tim.

A lot better than my husband.

I bet the Colonel had
a problem with this.

When I went through the change,

he slipped a card under my door
that read, "Get well. On the double."

Gutsy move.

Well, the Colonel was even worse
when my mother went through it.

She was living
with us at the time.

He walked in one day,
saw her having a hot flash,

did an about-face and volunteered
to fight in the Korean w*r.

I didn't see him
again until .

Well, didn't the
Korean w*r end in ' ?

Yes!

Oh, hi, honey.

Hi. Hi.

Where's Tim?

He went out to get
you some low-fat milk.

Low-fat milk... Oh, great.

Well, that's what he
thought you wanted.

No, Mom. I gotta get
this calcium-fortified stuff.

It's supposed to be good
to prevent osteoporosis.

I just wish that he had
asked me before he went out.

Well, now, Jill, honey,
listen to yourself.

Ever since the surgery, you've
been blaming Tim for everything.

That is not true, Mom.

Well, yes, it is.

Now, he tried to make
things easier for you at school

and you yelled at him. And
he waits on you hand and foot,

and you yell at
him for that, too.

Mom, look, I just came
down here to get a cold drink.

I don't need a lecture.

Well, this is not a lecture.

This is advice that you shouldn't
interrupt until I'm finished.

Well, you're gonna have
to finish it without me

because I have to
work on my thesis.

Oh, that'll solve everything.

Then what are you gonna hide
behind when you're done with that?

Jill, honey,

I know you weren't expecting to
have a hysterectomy at your age.

And I know it must be very hard.

But you've got to stop
taking your anger out

on other people and
deal with your loss.

I am dealing with my loss, Mom.

This is the way I am
dealing with my loss!

I'm sorry! I am very angry!

I hate this! I hate
this! I hate this,

this empty way I feel!

I hate the way I
look to myself now.

I hate that doctor for doing
this to me! I hate my body!

I hate myself! I hate everybody
and everything! Oh, God!

Oh, honey, honey.

I just feel so old and useless.

I felt exactly the same way
when I went through menopause.

You did? Yes.

I remember being around
all those young women

and seeing how all
the men looked at them.

And I felt like I couldn't turn
a head if my hair was on fire.

Well...

(SOBBING)

I thought because my body had
changed, I was less of a woman.

And what did you do?

Well, one day I sat down
and looked in the mirror,

and I took stock of myself.

And I realized I had my
looks, my health, my brains,

four beautiful daughters.

And the best part is no PMS.

Or periods.

Or cramps.

That's true.

I never knew that it
was so rough on you.

Well, every woman
has a rough time.

And, you know, in my day,
we didn't talk about it so easily.

The only thing we
shared were recipes.

Well, I can't do that.
Nobody wants mine.

That's not true.

Mom,

after

you went through menopause,

did Dad still find you...

Desirable?

Yeah. You betcha.

Really? Well...

Uh...

What about you? Did
you still have the same...

Same drive? Yeah.

Actually, even more so.

I remember one night he came
home from three months on maneuvers,

and we went up to the
bedroom. And I was just a wild...

That's okay, Mom! Thank
you. That's good! That's good.

He saluted me for a week.

Tim, is that you?

I'll go with no.

What took you so long?
I wanted to talk to you.

I was at the store getting
you some low-fat milk.

And in anticipation of your
ever-changing moods, I got you a variety.

I got %. I got you %.

I got you low-fat skims.

I got you lactose-free.

I got soy milk, rice milk,

goat milk, and for
me, milk of magnesia.

I can't believe you got
seven different kinds of milk.

Well, that's all they had.

No. It was really sweet.

Tim, come over here.
I want to talk to you.

(CLEARS THROAT)

I want to apologize.

Uh?

I've been really upset. And
I've misdirected my anger at you.

And it's really not fair,
'cause you've been so

attentive, and
caring and sweet...

Honey, honey,
honey. And patient.

It's okay. You did the same
for me when I got my vasectomy.

But you were the one
who made me get it.

I made you get it?

I strongly urged you to get it.

And once you knew that it wasn't
gonna make you any less of a man

or that I wasn't gonna
look at you any differently,

you were okay with it.

Yeah, I was.

What about me?

Of course you're okay with it.
You're the one that made me do it.

No. I mean, what about, you
know, me with my situation now?

I mean, are you gonna want
to spend the rest of your days

with a hollowed-out old pumpkin?

Sure!

Are you gonna still
find me desirable?

I didn't marry you because
of your uterus or your ovaries.

I married you because
of what's inside.

You know what? I'm gonna take
that extension that you got for me.

Good.

I love you.

I love you, too.

When do you suppose
you and I will be able to...

No, honey. I think it's gonna be
a while before we can have sex.

No. I mean, turn the
thermostat up a little bit.

It's interesting here, honey.

It turns out that humans aren't the
only mammals to go through menopause.

You're in great company.

Who else?

Whales and elephants.

You're now comparing me to
large, gray, blubbery animals?

In a good way.

I mean, they're
friendly, fun to ride.

They make...

And in the right light
I find them very sexy.

I'll be in my room.