01x10 - Wherever You Go, There You Are

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Our Flag Means Death". Aired: March 3, 2022 - present.
Stede abandons his life of privilege to become a pirate in the early 18th century.
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01x10 - Wherever You Go, There You Are

Post by bunniefuu »

A widow's life

isn't nearly as bad as
it's made out to be.

The children have adjusted
to the loss of their father

far better than expected.


And I find myself
growing in ways

I never before thought possible.

But perhaps widow-dom's most
unexpected gift has been


My Henry's only been
gone a few weeks.

I feel... I feel...



Never apologize for that.

We're alive, they're d*ad.

Now is your time, Ellen.

For if not now, when?

Surviving one's spouse is
nature's greatest gift.

Trust me. I mean, just look

how Mary's painting
career blossomed.

I never would've
gone through with it

if it hadn't been for
Stede dying... Darling?

I'm home.

While we're fortunate
he survived his ordeal,

having Stede back home has
been a bit of an adjustment.

That was a great night's sleep.

I've forgotten how
much I love this bed.

Of course, you
haven't really slept

until you've done
it on the ocean.

Still finding my land legs.

I suppose it's an adjustment

for him as well.


Stede Bonnet: And then,
during a treasure hunt

with Blackbeard,

I discovered


And, of course, he's full of

colorful tales
from his time away.

Do you know what this is?

It's an orange... Petrified.

Which means it's
as hard as a rock.

Who would like this. Alma?

I don't want your old food.

Who are you again?


No, no. It's
perfectly all right.

I'm, uh, I'm your father.

- Isn't Doug my father?
- Louis!


Who's, uh, who's Doug?

He's my painting instructor.

Oh, ha! Okay.

I'd love to meet him.


Blackbeard is in fine
spirits this morning,

and he sends... his regards.

He's still a, a tad
under the weather,

but he will be back
amongst us soon.

So, he's, he's sick, but
doing well... is the news?

Exactly, yes!

And, um, in the meantime,

maybe, you could, you
know, polish things,

or, maybe, swab the deck.

We already polished twice today.

Aye, 'n the deck's as
swabbed as she gets.

- Aw.
- Well, you missed a spot.

Have at it, chaps!


Not you, Mr. Spriggs.

Blackbeard has
requested your services.

So, no matter what
you see or hear,

you do not breathe a
word under pain of death.


- Yeah.
- Good.

f*ck off.

You're back.

Looks that way.

What did you do to the room?

Eh, long story.

I, I gave it to
Frenchie and Wee John.

But they thought it had
bad juju after the raid.

Why'd you give it away?

I, um

um, I missed you.

Turned the old workshop
into a painting studio.


How many painters work here?

Uh, these are all mine.

It's one of my favorites.

Mary: Oh, Stede...

This is Doug.

Mary's told me so
much about you,

I feel like I already know you.

That's funny. I haven't
heard much about you.

You're the painting instructor?

Oh, before I forget,

your flyers just came in.

Oh, how nice.

Oh, flyers? For what?

Oh, just a little gathering.

Mary's having a showing
of her work in town.

One of the ladies has just
loaned me the dress store.

May I?

- Go ahead.
- Yep.

"Paintings by The Widow Bonnet."

Should probably change that.

Not a widow anymore.

Or I might keep it.

I've heard it adds
an air of mystery.




Blackbeard, sir.

I, um...

I heard you need
some assistance.

- I'm in here.
- Oh god!

I'm in the blanket fort.

The door's the blue cushion.



Is it safe to have a candle
in here, do you think?

Okay, well.

What have you been up to?

Mm, you know, built this fort.

I wrote some lyrics.

I've actually been needing a scribey
person to, um, jot them down for me.

Cool. So, yeah. Ready
whenever you are.


"Hanging on... by a thread."

"Hanging on."

Then it goes,
"Shouldn't let go."

"If I let go, all will fall."

"Fingers bleeding
down to the bone now."

"Can't let go.
Nothing makes sense."

"Hold on."

"Hold on. Hold... on."

You hate it, don't you?

My god, hate is such a
strong, a-and wrong, word.

But I'm wondering, um,
what's happening in the song?

Why are you hanging on?

No, it's not about me.

- Yeah, it's someone else holding on.
- Yeah?

Someone entirely fictional.

And this fictional character

he's having a hard time?

Yeah, maybe.

Maybe it's best he just

lets go.

Do you mean just curl
up into a ball and die?

What if it's not a death?

What if life just

begins again?

How was your day, Edward?

- Oh, oh, oh!
- You like that?

Oh! Oh! Oh god.

So... you came in
rather late last night.

Mary: Hm?


Anything you want
to, uh, tell me?

Say... about Doug?

No, actually, but
I will say this.

You're home. Fine.

We're married. All right!

We made a contract
in front of God

and I am bound to honor that.

But in your absence,

I have managed to create
a life that I quite like,

and I won't destroy that life
just because you've decided to

un-abandon your
family on a whim.


I object to the word "whim."

The showing's at six.

I won't be home for dinner.

Do you even want me to attend?

So, we're havin' a thing on...

Oh god, I'm so sorry!

- There's a sock on the door!
- Are you a freakin' idiot?!

I don't know what that means!

Um, we're having a thing on deck

- for Captain.
- Get out!

Sorry. Close the door!

Hey, Jim. Glad you're back.

- That's, uh, really great stuff, Ed.
- Wow.

His name is
Blackbeard or Captain!

Izzy, no, Izzy.

Actually, I do want to be
called Edward from now on.

And thank you, you guys. It's pretty
difficult to lay yourself bare

in front of others, you
know? Yeah, yeah, no.

- It was super v-visceral.
- Way visceral, agree.

It was vibes. Wow.

Okay, well, if any of you guys

wanna express yourselves
in the same way that

I just did with my song,

I'm sure that Lucius would
be more than happy to

write down your lyrics.

Ay, but my genius won't be
translated into human language.

More like pure tone.

Like, eh...

That was f*cking amazing.

Guys, the sheer level of
talent we have on this ship!

Why are we even being pirates?

You know what? We should
have a talent show.

Black Pete: I can do accents.
Does that count as a talent?

Just right there. Try it.

- Hm.
- Like that?


I hate to say it, but

it would've been

so much better if
he'd really died.

I can make that happen.
Just let me know.

I'm sorry?

Remember, my Marcus
was the undertaker.

He was so lazy,

he would report every death

as natural causes.

m*rder's a natural cause.

Yes, well...

I don't think we're quite
at that stage... yet.

Situations evolve.

Cheers to you, my good man.

Ooh, that is delish.

Reminds me of the ale I drank
on my ship, "The Revenge."

Stede Bonnet?

It's Jeffrey! Fettering!

We went to elementary
school together.

Jeffrey, nice to see you.

I heard the most insane rumor.

Now, forgive me,

but... were you a
pirate recently?

- Go ahead. Laugh it up.
- Laugh?

No, I wish I had
one-tenth of your guts.

Becoming a pirate? At our age?

I just... ride my stupid horse
to the store now and again.

Half the time, it has diarrhea.

Guys, it's him! It's
The Gentleman Pirate!

And there I was, in a
duel with Izzy Hands,

Blackbeard's right-hand man.

What is Blackbeard like?

Is he as bloodthirsty
as everyone says?

He's absolutely lovely.

Oh, and, of course, a
bloodthirsty k*ller.

I mean, born of the
Devil and all that.

I, I don't really like
talking about him.

So, if there's any
other questions.

Yeah. You ever k*ll a man?

Well, death is, of course,

an unavoidable part of,
uh, the pirate lifestyle.

This guy never k*lled anyone.

I've seen death.

I've been the cause of death.

It changes you



Get this man another beer.

To Captain Stede!

Well, feels nice to
tidy up a little.

Can't believe I was living
like this. Can you, Iz?


- I'm gonna speak plainly.
- Wonderful.

You know we share our
thoughts on this ship.

I should've let the
English k*ll you.

This, whatever it is
that you've become

is a fate worse than death.


- I am still Blackbeard, so.
- No.

This, this... is Blackbeard.

Not some namby-pamby

in a silk gown pining
for his boyfriend.

Choose your next
words wisely, dog.

There he is.

Blackbeard is my captain.

I serve Blackbeard.

Not Edward.

Edward better watch
his f*ck' step.

Hey, Eddie, give
us another song!

Edward! Edward! Edward!

- It's going swimmingly.
- Is it? I can't tell.

I keep thinking I hear people
chattering about Stede.

Oh, well, the only thing I
hear people chattering about

is your expressive brushwork.

Evening, all!

'Tis I...

The Widow Bonnet's undead groom.

Which means she's not really
"The Widow Bonnet," is she?

And if her husband
gave up the sea,

surely, she should... give
up the dishonest title?

Even though she hates my guts.

- Which is her right.
- Hey.


Unhand me or bleed.


God. Doug?

Clearly, I've had
too much to drink.

And for that, I am sorry.

Being home's been
quite an adjustment,

for both of us.

I forgive you, by the way,

for sleeping with Doug.

m*rder's a natural cause.

You were going to s*ab me!

- I was.
- In the earhole!

- With a skewer!
- Yeah... I was.

Why not just smother me
with a pillow? Or use a g*n?

A pillow seemed too tricky
and a g*n would wake the kids.

I thought about poison or
pushing you off a cliff,

but I, I really wanted
to get it done tonight,

and I didn't want you to suffer.

What, while you m*rder me?!

Well, it's not that
much more dramatic

than running off to
become a pirate, is it?

Well, that's true, I suppose.

We just can't seem to stop
hurting each other, can we?

I don't fit here anymore, do I?

You've got your life, your art.


I am sorry about Doug.

Nah, don't be.

He's actually wonderful.

Yeah, he's the best.

How does it feel...
to be in love?

It feels... easy.

It's just like breathing.

He understands my

- And all of this is yours?
- I'm afraid so.

Finds them charming, even.


We expose each other to
new things, new ideas.

Next one goes through
your f*ck' eyeball!

And we laugh a lot.

Ah! Ooh!

We just pass the time so well.

I'd call those things love.

I hope you find that.

- I think I have.
- Really?

What's her name?


His name is Ed.

Here, look.

Look at that.

You wear fine things well.

Oh, there you are.

We've been looking
for you everywhere.

Okay, so, we've been
visualizing the talent show.

You're gonna love what
we've come up with.


Is everythin' all right?

Lucius: Help me! No, no, please!

No! Please!

I am the Kraken.

Stop crying. It's
just the pinky.

Come on. Open up.

Open your f*ck' mouth now!

Eat up. That's it.
Don't forget to chew.

thr*at me again, ever...

I'll feed you the rest.

- Understand?
- Y-Yes, Blackbeard.

Okay. Clean yourself
up and come find me.

Much work to do.

Sh-Sh-Shall I summon
the boy to take notes?

Don't bother. He's d*ad.

That's right. Quickly now!


Why isn't this finished yet?

- It's a lot of books, Izzy.
- Work faster!

He wants no trace of
Stede's old dross.

Hey, boss, what
happened to your foot?

Blackbeard is himself again.



Mary... Mary.


It's late. You've slept in.

Did you make me
breakfast in bed?

Uh, no, that was Doug.

- Oh!
- Hello, love.


Hey, we've been talking

- and I think I've solved it.
- Solved what?

Well, solved might
be an overstatement.

Everything. Our
marriage, my return,

our newfound loves.

There's just one hitch.

We need a corpse.

- I see.
- This needs to really sell.

They have to believe this
without a shadow of a doubt.

Besides, everyone's had a
go at k*lling me but me.

I'd like a sh*t.

And you're sure you
wanna renounce all claim

to your family's wealth?
You don't want anything?

Not a cent.

Morning, Evelyn. I have a
bit of an exotic request.

Want him to die fast or
slow? Or is it already done?

- Uh, no...
- I'm still here. Morning.

- Ah.
- It's all right, Evvy. He knows.

You know you're
k*lling her, right?

- We've discussed it.
- It's fine. We've... Yeah, we've talked about it.

Look, I'm really, really
trying to fix this.

Any help you can
give would be great.

What do you need?

Do you have any, uh, extra


Perhaps, something in his size?

Ah, that's my son's
department. I'll check.

Melvin! Company!

Oh, that's just my kitten, Ned.

- Would Ned be available this afternoon?
- Why do we need Ned?

Trust me. I've got an idea.

Gentlemen! Let's
make this special.

Edward is expecting a
wonderful talent show.

Why couldn't we just
do it on the ship?

Well, it wouldn't be
as special on that

dreary old ship, now would it?

Are, are you sure you
couldn't find Lucius?

H-He loves this sort of thing.

He'll turn up.

Ship's not that big.

Tell Edward my special
skill is juggling...

I think.


Where's Jim?

Oh, who knows?

Edward probably wanted to
discuss feelings or something.

They'll be along shortly.

- Be safe out there, Dizzy Izzy.
- Bye!

See you later.

Blackbeard: I've had
my eye on you, Jim.

You're quite the specimen.

You'd like to join my crew?

Aren't I already on your crew?

Mm-mm. No, uh, I'm
talking about my new crew.

- f*ck's wrong with your face?
- I'll take that as a yes.


Hey, Iz said you wanted to

see me.

Yes. I heard you can sew.


Sew like the wind.

So, you won't really be d*ad?

No, it's all make-believe.

Like, like a play.

Exactly. Just like a play.

I'm sorry it's come to this.

We've decided this
is just the best way

to resolve the mess I've made.

I know. Mother told me.

I think it's pretty
sick, actually

in a good way.

I mean, Mom was much
happier when you were gone.


Oh, is this the orange?

I figured if I split it in half,

then you could keep one
and I could keep the other.

That's perfect.

Here's the pig's
blood you requested.

- Oh.
- And everything in town's ready to go.

Are you sure you're
gonna be all right?

Yeah. I think
we'll all be great.

How the hell we gettin'
this in that window?

That's not our problem. They
just paid us to hoist it halfway.

- Take a look.
- Oh my.

- Well, this can't be good.
- Doug: Oh no.

It's very dangerous
and, uh, feral.

- So, let's keep our eyes peeled in case it shows up, right?
- Yeah, yeah.

Everyone, thanks so much for
helping me pack up my showing.

Hello, all!

As I'm sure you know, I, I made a
complete ass of myself last night.

And so, I would like
to publicly apologize

to my patient, lovely wife.

I am sorry.

Stede, look out!

- There's a jungle cat!
- The jungle cat!


Stay where you are, my love!

I'll handle this!

Who likes chicken?

Look, it's a real snake.

Does it feel like they're taking
an awful long time to come back?


Plus, it looks like
they're leavin'.

Farewell, Bonnet's playthings.

Hey... Hey!

On to the next.

Oh no.

Stop it!

Oh! Oh!

Ooh, there goes my arm!

- Oh my god.
- Fight it, Stede. Fight it.


You're a real pro, Ned.

It's been an honor.

He's alive!

- Ohh!
- Oh!

I'm fine! It's not
the creature's fault.

I managed to calm
him in the end.

He was more scared of
me than I was of him.

Stede, look out!



Is he all right?

- Oh!
- Oh!

He may have survived that.

Jeffrey: No!

Now that's a f*ck.

He kept it to himself, but
Stede had been quite ill.

So, in some ways,
it's a blessing.

This is how Stede
would've wanted to go.

To Stede Bonnet.

Complicated, hard-headed.

Really quite
irritating at times...

And now free.

Long may he roam.

Oh, f*ck me.
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