I see you. Come to papa.
- Howdy.
- Hey, Boone.
Got a big old fat
one for you, Gretch.
You get 58 bucks.
Okay, now, not bad.
Big dead snakes,
just like you wanted.
Don't tell anyone where you
got this, you f*cking weirdo.
Oh, that is real good.
Oh, damn, that's ugly.
It's stunning.
- I know, right?
- Aren't you obsessed?
Beyond.
Oh, this will be perfect for
an event I have coming up.
It's a charity event.
- Oh.
- Okay, so what's the damage?
How much trouble am I gonna
get in with my husband?
It's $14,000.
- Oh, wow.
That's a really good deal.
Hey, Craig.
- What's up, Jillian G.?
You're breathing kind of hard.
- Are you okay?
- No, I'm dying.
I'm working out, but f*cking
Troy keeps staring at me.
I think he's figured
out I just live here
and I don't actually
exercise 15 hours a day.
Oh, thank God.
What's going on?
I'm at the Water District
HQ to hand in a snake,
and the cops are here.
Do you think they're
trying to figure out
who b*rned down the putt-putt?
f*ck, Condom Carl probably
told them the fire
had something to do
with the snake hunt.
What if we left evidence?
I mean, I've been losing
big clumps of hair
ever since I stopped eating
fruits and vegetables.
They're just so expensive,
and they don't keep
in the billboard.
sh*t, I can't go to jail.
Oh, great, here
comes Troy again.
He's gonna offer me a towel,
but I know he's not on my side.
So what do we do?
Nothing, okay?
Stay away from Condom Carl
and the snakes and the cops.
We should take a
couple days off.
I am running low on cash.
I could use the day to
sign on to TaskRabbit
- and Uber and Postmates and...
- Troy's here, got to go.
What the f*ck, man? They
pay you by the towel?
Leave me alone.
- Okay, let's make some money.
Hello?
Uh, hi, it's your TaskRabbit.
- Ginny.
- Jilly... um, Jillian.
- Jillian, yes, of course.
- I have a friend named Ginny.
That's what that
was. Come on in.
Okay, wow. You are
actually perfect.
So much more accurate
than the other girls.
- Thank you.
- Come on in.
Let me get you
something to drink.
What's that?
Oh, your posting said to
pack for multiple days.
So I brought a
change of clothes.
- Wow.
Still or sparkling?
Sparkling, please.
Whoa, your fridge is so clean.
Most fridges are filled
with, like, food.
Oh, my God, you're hilarious.
We have a food
fridge, too, girl.
See? Oh, yeah, two fridges.
I know what you're
thinking. She's so OCD.
No, but I do suffer
from that, though.
Oh.
- So George...
- That's my husband...
He makes us live in Florida
because there's no
state income tax.
We're supposed to spend
183 days a year here
in order to qualify
as residents,
but I've had a
really tough year,
so we've had to travel more
than usual for my mental health.
Anyway, we've been spending
more time than normal
at our house in Montauk, so
technically the Hamptons,
and now the IRS is
accusing us of tax evasion.
- Oh, no, that's awful.
- Oh, it's fine.
In some tax brackets,
you just have to deal
with this kind of stuff.
Well, I'm not even
in a tax bracket,
so I can go wherever I want.
Ugh, I'm so envious of that.
Anyways, George has some friends
who have connections at the IRS,
and we heard that an
agent's gonna come by
for a residency check.
All you have to do is
just answer the door
and pretend to be me.
Just say I'm Sloane Faulkner.
Oh, can you do an
American accent?
Mm-hmm.
I'm Sloane Faulkner.
I'm Sloane Faulkner.
I'm Sloane Faulkner.
Sorry, that's not it.
I have an access word.
Let me just find
it. It's "hot dog."
Hot dog, hot dog.
I'm... I'm Sloane Faulkner.
- You'll get there.
- I'm not even worried about it.
So that's it.
Just remember to answer the door
and don't forget to feed Gigi.
And don't worry. She's sweet.
- I'm sure she is. I love cats.
Oh, my God, I was talking
about you to the cat.
You're hilarious.
Oh, and don't have anybody
here while you're staying here.
That's George's rule, not mine.
It's because of
his art collection.
I guess it's worth something.
The art world is so random.
Don't worry, I will take
excellent care of your home.
Oh, and $500 is
okay for two days?
- Oh, wow, yes.
- That's very generous.
I really appreciate
you saying that.
I have so much respect
for working people.
Oh, one more thing...
Do you mind wearing these
booties while you're here?
Our housekeeper left thick
black marks all over the floor.
I guess she had a
heavy walk.
Well, I'll make
sure I tiptoe about.
Oh, you're gonna be fine,
but, seriously,
wear the booties.
Bye!
Hello, Sloane, today's
weather is colder than usual.
Would you like me to turn
on the heated floors?
Heated floors?
Ooh, hello, Nate.
No, you can't have anyone over.
Don't do it, Jillian.
Don't do it, don't do it.
Don't do it, don't do it,
don't do it, don't do it,
don't do it, don't do it.
- Hi!
- Hi!
Oh, my God. This
house is amazing.
- Thank you. It's mine.
Oh, and I love these
funky little shoes.
Oh, uh, these?
I was just wearing them
because, uh, my housekeeper
made a mess on the floor.
- Ew, what?
- Like, she had an accident?
Oh, my God, you're hilarious.
No, she just had a
really heavy walk.
She's a real f*cking
pig, actually.
Oh, so you invited
multiple dudes over?
See, here I thought
that I was special.
No, I just
ordered us some food.
- Thank you.
- No problem.
Oh, wait, what's your
Venmo name for the tip?
Oh, you can just tip
him through the app.
Oh, yeah, but you never
get the full tip that way.
- The app always takes a cut.
- Oh.
Yeah, the handle
is @SchmoneyTalks.
Well, thank you for the
food, Mr. @SchmoneyTalks.
No, that's not actually my name.
- No, I know. I was...
- My name's Theo Griffiths.
Thank you for the
food, Theo Griffiths.
So nice how you
did that tip thing.
Oh, I just have so much
respect for working people.
Can I get you some water? Oops.
That's the food fridge.
Drink fridge is over here.
I know what you're thinking...
"Two fridges, she's so OCD."
- Okay, who are you?
What do you mean?
I mean, you have an extra fridge
just for bottled water,
but then you also have
a spiritual connection
with the Postmates guy
named SchmoneyTalks.
- His name is Theo Griffiths.
- Yeah.
You just seem down to earth.
It's just
who are you?
Oh, I guess I just am who I am.
Just me, just Jillian.
And what's this all about?
Oh, God, cat's cradle.
I didn't really
realize I was doing it.
It's so dorky.
No, no way. I think it's cute.
It's just something
my mom taught me to do
when I was little to calm
me down when I feel nervous.
Oh, what's there to be
nervous about right now?
Um, I could... I can teach
you how to do it if you want.
I could show you how to
do a classic cat's cradle.
- Yeah, sure.
- Okay, great.
Um...
- Is this right?
- Yeah, just...
You can touch.
Okay. So put your hands there.
Yeah.
You just wrap around
your hands like that.
- Okay.
- Then...
- Ooh.
- Loop it around.
And then, um, bring
this hand in here.
- Like this?
- Yeah.
The middle finger,
and pull it through,
and then you're gonna
bring this finger in there.
- Oh.
- Perfect.
Um, I'm gonna grab these.
Don't let go.
What's that?
- I don't know, actually.
- I'll be right back.
Hi, Jillian. It's me, Sloane.
Just wondering, why is
there a man in my house?
Oh, sh*t.
I have a camera
on my cat feeder.
So I'm checking
on my sweet Gigi,
and I see some random-ass
guy is there with you.
I know, I'm sorry. It's just...
f*ck.
This guy, Nate,
he thinks I'm rich,
and I really like him,
and so I pretended I was you
because you are
rich and fabulous.
And this was all a huge mistake,
and I'll get him
to leave right now.
- No, no, no.
- Do not let him leave.
Girl, I love this for you.
But what's holding you back
from showing him your true self?
Oh.
I don't know.
I guess part of me feels
like I don't deserve him.
Mm-mm, no, don't do that.
I want you to listen
to me, Jillian.
You are enough, but also
that might not be enough.
So I'm gonna help you
transform yourself
and get this man.
Wait, really?
- Of course.
- I love helping people.
I'll be like your
fairy godmother.
Are you gonna make me a gown?
A gown, yes, that's
a great idea.
Pick me up and bring
me to the closet.
Okay, we're looking for
something flirty and fun.
I like this yellow one.
Ugh, that's not right
for this at all.
You can just keep
that one if you want.
- Wait, are you serious?
- I can have it?
Yes, I went to this
Buddhism retreat last year,
and it completely
changed my outlook.
I'm not attached to material
things at all anymore.
Oh, hold
up the coral one.
I want to see it
against your skin.
- Wait, you can see me?
- Do you have cameras in here?
Sorry, the insurance
company made me install them
because, I don't know,
some of the stuff in here
is expensive, I guess.
That dress is so you.
- Jillian, you okay?
- Yeah!
Sorry, was just
changing my outfit!
My old one smelled like sh*t!
- Un, okay.
- What?
Jesus, Jillian, what was that?
I don't know.
I just get so
flustered around him.
- I panicked and told the truth.
- Oh, I can help with that.
Listen, there's a Bluetooth
headset by my bed.
Pair it with your
phone and then call me.
I can be in your ear
while you flirt with him.
Oh, my God. This
is gonna be so fun!
Won't he think something's up
if I have a headset in
my ear the whole time?
No, all you have
to tell him is...
I'm on the board of a charity.
I forgot it's our
quarterly meeting.
I don't have to talk,
but I do have to
stay on the call
because it's one of
those annoying ones
where they take attendance
at the beginning
- and at the end.
Wow, you look...
Wow.
- Yeah, she does.
- Thank you.
Now walk past him to the couch,
but give him a sexy look.
Let him check you out.
Let's show him
what you got, mama.
Work it, Jillian, work it.
Um, hey, so I think I'm
getting the hang of it.
Check it out.
Like this, see?
It's so cool your
mom taught you this.
What's she like?
She's really nice, or
she was before she d*ed.
I've never met her ghost, so
I don't what she's like now.
- I'm so sorry.
- I didn't mean to...
- No, it's fine.
- It's just reality.
Both of my parents passed
when I was pretty young,
and I've sort of been
on my own since then.
That must have been really hard.
Wait, are those
his original teeth?
- What?
- What?
All truly rich people
have fake teeth.
Ask him, "Who did your teeth?"
Who did your teeth?
- What do you...
- I mean, these are my teeth.
They're my normal teeth.
- Oh, so he is not that rich.
- Oh, my God, why?
Is something wrong
with my teeth?
I've been meaning to
get them whitened.
I just heard that
it really hurts.
You know, I heard that
there are some sticks
that are natural
tooth whiteners.
I'm not sure which ones.
Jesus Christ, why are
we talking about sticks?
Take out your phone,
and pretend you're
controlling the sound system.
Um, hey, would you like to
listen to some music, Nate?
We need to find
a seductive song.
Yeah, yeah.
- This is perfect, good, okay.
Listen, George loves it
when I do a little dance
for him in his chair.
Why don't you get
up? Get up and dance.
Just be loose.
Mm, it's too stiff.
Thrust in circles like
you're hula-hooping.
No, not like you're
literally hula-hooping.
What are you doing
with your face?
Oh, my God, you are
f*cking this up, Jillian.
Try this... run one
hand through your hair
like you're shampooing.
Jesus Christ, not like
you have lice, Jillian...
Sexy shampooing.
- Is everything okay?
- Perfect job, Jillian.
- You absolutely blew it.
- Yes, sorry.
I was doing this as a joke.
I thought it would be funny,
but it's not, so I'll stop.
No, it's so funny.
This got really weird.
Did I f*ck things up by
bringing up your mom?
No, that was fine.
I thought I f*cked things up
by all asking you
about your teeth.
Oh, no.
They're really
great, by the way.
I'm glad, um
'cause here they come.
God, sorry.
That... that... made that seem
like I was gonna come bite you.
I'm not gonna bite you.
No, I just want to put
my mouth on your mouth?
I might stop there...
Oh, Sloane, I love that
she made the first move.
- Okay.
- That was my friend Daphne.
I told some of the girls
at the event about you.
They think it's so cute.
- Hi, Jillian.
- Put your hand on his thigh.
Don't touch his d*ck, but
don't not touch it, you know.
I am so sorry, but I
really need to go pee.
- I'll be right back.
- Okay, kick-ass.
Hi, Jillian.
- Oh, sh*t, you're here.
- That's fun.
- Hey, why did you walk out?
- It was just getting good.
- I'm sorry...
- It's just so hard for me
to focus with all these
different voices in my head.
Yes, of course.
Think about how hard
this must be for Jillian.
I'm gonna be the
only one who talks.
- What?
- Not fair.
She's my project. I found her.
I think having anyone
in my ear is a bit much.
This is all just so weird.
Wow. Okay.
Well, I'm at a charity
event right now
where people are actually
in need of my help.
So I guess if this is too
weird for you, Jillian,
I'll go back to them,
and you can go back
to being a TaskRabbit
who follows directions
when they're told not
to bring anybody over.
I'm so, so sorry!
No. Ha, okay. No, I'm sorry.
Girl, that's on me.
All I've had today
is a kale pill,
- and I think I'm just hangry.
- Oh.
- I know, I know, I know.
- Okay, you know what?
Why don't you just
ditch the earpiece
and go out there
and have some fun?
- Yes, absolutely.
- Right?
Yes, we've taken you
as far as we can.
The rest is up to you.
Thank you.
Of course, we're still gonna be
watching you, though,
in case you need help.
Oh, okay, cool.
Sorry that took so long.
No problem.
I wasn't peeing the whole time.
It's just that I have
a really nice bathroom,
and I love spending
time in there.
How nice are we talking?
both: Heated floors.
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
I don't know why
this keeps happening.
I thought you said
it was up to me now.
Okay, it's not all about you.
My gardener, Santos, is here.
I saw him on the
cameras outside,
and I need you to talk to him.
He is using his
gas-powered leaf blower,
not the eco-friendly
electric one.
You need to go
tell him to switch.
I was kind of having
a moment with Nate.
I saw, very indie-movie cute,
but the environment is
just so important to me.
Okay.
But who do I tell Santos I
am? He knows I'm not you.
- No, he doesn't.
- We've never actually met.
I always just text with him.
- What do I even say to him?
- Oh, don't be nervous.
Just put the Bluetooth in,
and I'll tell you
exactly what to say.
- Hot dog, hot dog, hot dog.
Perfect.
Hi, I'm Sloane Faulkner.
- We've texted.
- Hi, it's nice to meet you.
Ugh, ditch the accent.
- Um, would you mind using
the electric leaf blower?
I was going to, but
you didn't charge it.
I'm sorry, is it my job to
plug in the leaf blower?
Is it my job to plug
in the leaf blower?
I would've done
it, Miss Faulkner.
- Oh, you can call me Sloane.
- No, he can't.
You didn't give me
the garage code.
You said you husband's
storing art in there.
Ask him, "Who works
for who here?"
- Is that it?
- Who works for who here?
I work for you, but
I can't do my job
unless you tell
me what you want,
and you listen to me when
I tell you what I need.
Okay, well, now you
have to fire him.
What?
We should have a conversation.
- Hey, everything okay?
- You never came back.
- Fire this guy, Jillian.
- Sloane.
Do it. Fire him.
- Who's Sloane?
- Fire him, fire him.
He calls me by my last name.
I run my home like
a sports team.
You are my rabbit,
and this is your task.
- Can I go back to work?
- Now, do it now.
- Jillian, are you okay?
- Sloane?
- This is an order, Jillian.
- Fire him, do it.
- You're fired.
- Thank you.
What?
- I'm sorry, Santos.
- You're fired.
And, Nate, I have to go
to the bathroom again,
and I won't tell you why.
I'm gonna tell Nate to leave.
This has all gotten
so complicated.
Are you crying?
Thank you
so much for noticing.
I'm just really
overwhelmed right now.
I don't know if you've
ever fired anybody,
but it is so much
harder than being fired.
When you fire somebody,
you're the bad guy,
but you know me, Ginny.
I'm not the bad guy.
You could always give
him his job back.
Mm, I feel like
that would just be so
uncomfortable for him.
Should we send him some flowers?
Maybe he'd like, like, a
little palm tree or something.
I mean, we know he loves plants.
Oh,
sh*t, what was that?
The doorbell.
- The doorbell!
- Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
Hey, Jillian.
This is Agent
Grady from the IRS.
She's looking for somebody
named Sloane Faulkner,
but don't worry... I told her
nobody by that name lives here.
So nobody named
Sloane resides here?
Well, her last name is Sloane.
Yes, that is true.
But I also have a
friend named Sloane
who's my roommate in this house.
Everyone calls it
the Sloane Shack.
Our friends are hilarious.
And does a George Faulkner
reside here as well?
Yes, he's my other roommate.
We're always getting
into arguments
over who does the dishes.
Okay.
But neither Sloane
nor George Faulkner
is here currently?
No, they just left,
over that argument I just told
you about, about the dishes.
They did they didn't say
where they were going,
but they stormed out and said,
"We're staying in Florida!"
Thank you for your time.
I don...
Wait, you have roommates?
Yes, but not because I'm poor,
because they're
poor and I'm nice.
Oh, sorry.
It's that alarm again.
I'll just be one sec.
It's a whole thing. You get it.
Yes. Yeah, yeah, I get it.
What the f*ck did you
just do to me, Jillian?
I didn't have a choice.
If I said I was Sloane,
Nate would've known
I'd been lying to
him this whole time.
So? You think I give
a slick sh*t about you
and your middle-class love puppy
with his original f*cking teeth?
Is it really that bad
to have your own teeth?
Well, George had his own teeth
until he started
losing them at age 85.
So you tell me, sweetheart.
How old is George?
He's 89, and now I get
to watch every night
as he takes his whole
entire mouth out
and puts it in a f*cking glass.
Okay, well, I'm sorry, but
this really isn't my fault.
Of course it's your fault!
Maybe if you hadn't
made me fire Santos,
or maybe if you'd
actually lived in Florida
for 183 days this year...
I was working on
my mental health!
Ugh! I was just about to give
a million dollars to charity.
But now I guess I'm
gonna donate that money
to the U.S. f*cking government.
Uh, actually,
Sloane, you do need
to make those
charitable donations,
because if you don't, it makes
the taxes go even higher.
It makes the taxes go
even higher, Jillian!
I thought you said
you're a Buddhist
and you weren't attached
to material things!
Money doesn't count
as material things.
Money's all online now, whoo!
I could sue you, but I
obviously wouldn't get much.
So I think I'm just
gonna call the cops
and tell them there's a
strange man in my house.
- Don't do that, Sloane.
- No. sh*t.
Sloane? sh*t!
- Nate?
- Jillian, is everything okay?
Nate, we really have to leave.
Why? What is happening?
I called the police.
- Off, off, off, off, off, off!
- Who's that?
Who am I? I'm Sloane Faulkner.
And I'm the actual own...
Jillian, what the f*ck?
I'll explain everything
to you once we're outside,
but we really have
to leave right now.
- Why? Jillian...
- f*ck you.
I can lock the doors
remotely, Jillian.
You're not going anywhere.
- What the hell?
- Come on, come on, follow me!
- Come on, follow me!
- Jillian!
Damn it!
You're not getting
away that easily.
Sloane, open up the doors and
let us out right now, or...
I will k*ll Gigi.
I hunt snakes for a living.
You didn't know that, but
that's, like, my main job,
so I am fully capable
of murdering a cat.
- Yeah, I really don't care.
- Gigi's a clone anyway.
So I can probably just call
the lab and order a new one.
Maybe the technology's
gotten better,
and this one won't have so
many g*dd*mn emotional prob...
- Hey.
- Santos?
- I cut the power.
- Now, hurry, you should go.
- Wait, why are you helping me?
- I just fired you.
I know you're not Mrs. Sloane.
- You do?
- I met that woman seven times.
It's crazy she
don't remember me.
Now go!
That was a lot.
- Crazy first date, right?
- Yeah.
But this is gonna be
such a funny story
to tell our friends.
Did you steal
someone's identity?
No, I was asked to borrow
someone's identity.
I'm not some psychopath.
I mean, you said you
k*ll snakes for a living?
- Humanely.
- I always destroy their brains.
- Okay, this is too weird.
- I'm gonna go.
Wait, no, just...
I know I lied to you.
I swear I only did
it because I thought
if I told you the truth, you'd
never want to see me again.
But this is it.
I don't actually own
a billboard company.
I just drive a billboard
around for money.
And then at night,
I sleep in it.
I have no home, no savings,
and all of my clothes
fit in this bag.
But this is me,
just a girl standing
in front of a boy
using her original teeth
to ask for a second chance.
Look, Jillian, I know
everyone says money
is the most important
thing in the world,
but there are some
people out there
that don't feel like that.
I know you're gonna find
one of them eventually.
I think you should
probably check online.
Wait, what?
It's really nice knowing
you, Jillian Sloane.
Wha...
Nate?
I'm looking for a Jillian Glopp?
I'm Jillian Glopp.
I'm with the Miami
Police Department.
I'd like to talk to
you about a fire.
I'd like to do a song
of great social and
political import.
It goes like this.
Everybody!
That's it.
- Not a doctor.
- Shh.
01x05 - The Task Rabbit
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Rags-to-riches sitcom about class and capitalism, Craig is a bank security guard living in Miami and struggling to make ends meet.
Rags-to-riches sitcom about class and capitalism, Craig is a bank security guard living in Miami and struggling to make ends meet.