01x01 - Cake, Dance, & Solid Gold Pants

[bunniefuu]

there was a boy.

And the boy was average.

But Timmy was still happy,

because he had

fairly odd parents.

- I wish we were in Fairy
World right this second!

Wanda and Cosmo

granted Timmy Turner
his every wish...

even when it was
a terrible idea.

But he had
a few good ones, too.

Together, they got him
through junior high,

and even through high school.

Today, Timmy is, like,
super buff and handsome.

- That doesn't look
like you at all.

- What?
That is exactly how I look.

- Not in a million years,
sport.

Well, anyway,

thanks for narrating
my look-back montage,

Majestic Voice Over Fairy.

No problem, Timmy.

- And thanks for drawing me
all buff, Cool Animator Fairy.

De nada, amigo.

- You two were the best
Fairy Godparents

- a kid could ever ask for.
- Aww...

- What do you mean
we "were," sport?

I mean,

I am headed off
to college now...

- Not just any college,
Princeton!

- P-R-I-C-INSTIN'!

I don't know
how to spell Princeton!

Whoo!

- Well, you can learn
when you get there.

Yeah, about that.

You two aren't coming
to college with me.

- We're not?
- You can't leave us behind!

- Okay, you guys know
my cousin Vivian, right?

Oh, yeah, she's a mess.

- My uncle Ty
just moved back to Dimmsdale

and he's bringing
my cousin Viv with him.

- Oh, that's not gonna go
well at all.

Exactly.

Which is why I really need
you to both stay

in Dimmsdale
and be her Fairy Godparents.

- But you can't just give us
away to someone else.

It's against the rules!

Actually, Jorgen Von Strangle

said it would be okay as long
as no one else sees you.

- Jorgen Von Strangle
would never agree to that.

- He sent me
a Fairy Permission Scroll.

But I'm pretty sure he was
playing "Zombie Unicorn att*ck"

when I asked him.

- I'm busy playing
"Zombie Unicorn att*ck."

But, yeah,
you can give them away--

as long as no one else
sees them.

- You two did
a great job with me.

And Viv's gonna need you
just as much as I did.

Trust me.

Then let's go meet

your shy mess of a cousin.

- How's my hair?
Green and handsome?

Nice.

Ah! We gotta go.

- I just got a text from Roy.
- Wait, who's Roy?

Viv's new stepbrother.

He's throwing her
a surprise welcome party.

Well, that's nice of him.

- Vivian hates
surprise parties.

Now, get in the backpack.

Who hates surprise parties?

Your cousin really sounds
like a mess.

She's not a mess.

She just doesn't like
a lot of attention.

- Because she's a mess?
- She is not a mess!

Oh, god, I'm a mess!

Of course you are.

I asked,
"Are you ready to go in?"

You screamed, "No!"

and then you jumped
in the bushes.

Geez, you don't think

they have one of those
doorbell cameras, do you?

- Well, if they do,
that video will be hilarious.

Honestly, Dad,

you know I have trouble
meeting new people.

- It's just my new wife, Rachel
and her son, Roy,

who you've never met before.

New people!

- Okay, do you expect me
to apologize for reconnecting

with my high-school sweetheart
last week,

marrying her on a whim,
quitting my job,

selling our house in Oldsburg

and moving to Dimmsdale
to live with them?

Because now
that I say it out loud

I realize that was nuts,
so I will.

I'm sorry.

- You did say
we were moving to a farm.

A nice, quiet farm

where I'd be surrounded
by animals and books.

- Only because
if I told you the truth,

I knew you'd show up,
scream "No!"

and jump in the bushes!

- Hey, hey, hey, wait, wait.
Why don't you just go in

and say that
you lost me on the way.

- Viv--
- I rolled out of the car

when you weren't looking.
Who knows where I am?

Maybe I'm still rolling.

Vivian Turner,

please come in with me.

We'll just have a nice,
low-key,

get-to-know-you lunch.

- Just you, me,
Rachel, and Roy?

That's it.

And you're not gonna dance?

Why would I dance at a lunch?

I don't know,

maybe because ballroom dancing
is your passion,

because you moved
to Dimmsdale to open

a ballroom dance studio
with your new wife,

and because you love making me
ballroom dance with you?

- Yes, I'm an amazing father,
thank you for noticing.

- Just promise me
you won't dance.

Four people, no dancing.

I promise.

all: Surprise!

I didn't know.

- Dance with me, my love,
right here, right now.

- Viv!
- Roy?

- It's a surprise party
just for you!

Do you love it?

Absolutely!

- She loves it!
New sister, let's go!

Yeah!

I did not know.

Sorry, excuse--sorry.

- Honey, you look awkward.
Can I get you anything?

I'm good. Thanks, Rachel.

No, no, no, no, thank you.

I really didn't want
to get you anything.

This has been nice.

Tyler, my love, more dancing.

- You want some cake?
- Oh, hecks yeah.

You know, I'm an only child

so I've never gotten cake
from a sibling before.

Sister cake, let's go!

- I, uh, got some
for your friends, too.

- Oh, you mean my boys?

They can't chant my name
and eat cake at the same time.

Trust me, they've tried.

Let me take care of this.

Hey, boys, boys, boys, boys.

Give me a minute.

Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy.

- They're just extra pumped
'cause tomorrow

there's a highly anticipated
championship basketball game

against a hated rival town

and I'm the star player,
I guess.

You know how it is.

Actually, I don't.

- Hey! Do you want me
to have them chant your name?

Oh, god, no!

I mean,
that's very nice of you,

but I don't love attention,
so--

- Throwing you this party
was a terrible idea.

- No, no, no,
it was very sweet of you,

but real talk,

I do kind of hate them.

I am so sorry.

Don't apologize.

Everyone, get out!

Don't do that either.

This party is over!

- No, it's not!
- Yes, it is!

Viv hates surprise parties!

- "Hate"
is a very strong word--

- And in this case,
an accurate one.

- I'm actually having
a great time!

- No, she's not,
and she told me so

moments ago in private!
Now, get out!

- Stay!
- Go!

Everyone stay!

I love this party,
I love attention,

love all ya'll.

Love Roy!

Roy, Roy, Roy.

Roy, Roy, Roy,
Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy!

You guys okay?

- I hope your cousin
has a bigger backpack.

- She's got to have
a cleaner one.

- Listen, I'm going
to go in there

and try to get Vivian alone so
we can hand you off

without anyone else seeing.

- Quick thing?
Before our big entrance,

make sure
you call us beautiful.

- Oh, my gosh.
- Well, we are.

Wait, I gotta pee!

- Stay completely still.
- Okay.

- You're doing great,
we are almost there and...

we got the sh*t.

Isn't he gorgeous?

He's my stepbrother.

- Too bad for you.
Good for me, though.

I do not need
the extra competish.

- So are you taking pictures
for the school newspaper?

- The school newspaper.
That'll give me an excuse

to take all the pictures
of Roy I need.

You're brilliant.

I'm Zina.
We're gonna be friends.

- I'm Viv
and I would love that.

- That's good because
you have no choice.

Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy!

- C'mon, boys,
this party is for Viv.

- If you're at a party,
we party for you, Roy.

all: Yeah!

- Oh, there's
my favorite cousin.

- Cousin Timmy!
- Oh, how you doing?

- Not great.
- Thought so.

Hey, is there a place
where we can--

- Yay, your turn!
- Wait, what?

Okay, guess we're dancing now.

- Oh, Ty, you were right,
she is great.

I mean, we'll work on her hair,
but she is great.

- Viv's banner's
going back up.

Let's go!

together: Big finish!

- Oof!
- Whoa!

Roy!

- Let's go...
to the emergency room,

- 'cause I think I broke my leg.
- Oh!

- That new girl hurt Roy.
- There's a big game tomorrow.

- She never should've danced.
- I know.

Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy.

Vivian, c'mon, open up.

I have something
that can help you.

Can't hear you, Timmy.

Shoving cake in my face

in what I assume is my bedroom.

You assume correctly!

- Roy?
- New sister!

I'm back from the hospital.
Come down to the party.

- Viv!

Uh, how'd you get in here?

I'll show you.

Vivian, I want you
to meet two--

Say it.

- Beautiful beings--
both: Thank you!

- Who said that?
- The two best things

that's ever happened to me.

Come on out, Wanda and Cosmo!

- Ta-da!

Oh, dear.

- Let's go...
back to the emergency room.

That is because I think
I broke some ribs.

- This wasn't the plan, Timmy.
- Uh, what?

What are those?

We're your Fairy Godparents!

- What?
- Let's go?

- You promised
Jorgen Von Strangle

that no one besides
Vivian would see us.

I have half a mind

to wipe both their memories
right now.

And I have half a mind.

- We're all going to have
half a life

when Jorgen Von Strangle
finds out about this.

What's he gonna do?

Tear apart reality
with his bare hands

and say we puny fairies
have some 'splaining to do?

- That is precisely
what I'm going to do!

Timmy Turner,

you and your puny fairies

have some 'splaining to do!

Oh.

I never thought I'd say this,

but maybe we should
go back to the party.

Timmy Turner,

what did I tell you
about letting anyone

besides your cousin
see these fairies?

- I didn't know
Roy was hiding on the roof.

- Well, he did
and it was hysterical!

- So now, you two
will have to share

the puny fairies.

- Who--

Wicked awesome Roy
will get a wish...

Let's go.

Then painfully average Vivian

- will get a wish...
- Wow.

- Then back-and-forth
and back-and-forth,

taking turns to make wishes.

- That sounds
overly complicated.

Yes, but it will be funny.

Now, enough of this nonsense.

I have spoken!

- Oh!

That's the last train
out of Dimmsdale.

- I gotta hurry
if I'm gonna get to college.

So I guess, this is goodbye?

both: We're sad to see you go.

Aw, I wish you weren't sad.

Done!

- I can't wait
to get to college.

- You'll probably fail
without us.

You bet I will!

- So long, sport.
- Goodbye, Timmy.

both:
We're happy to see you go!

- I liked him.
- Good times, good times.

- So we can really, like,
wish for whatever we want?

You sure can.

Guava juice, birthday cake,
large fries, chocolate shake?

- First things first,
I should probably wish that

Roy's leg and ribs
are no longer broken.

- Aww.
- I'll fix me later.

Spend a wish on yourself
for once in your dang life.

Okay, I can do that.

I wish my bedroom were better.

- Ah!
- Whoa!

- Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, this is amazing!

I love it so much!

Is that a gosh darn
ice cream couch?

What?

Let's gosh darn go!

- Quick, wish yourself fixed
so I can wish again.

- Later.
Right now I feel like wishing

for somethin' I like to call

solid gold pants.

Yeah!

These are amazeball.

- Roy?
- Absolutely zero regrets.

Let us go.

I wish I were, uh, taller.

Oof! Not what I was hoping for.

Correction.

I wish I had solid gold pants

that still acted like pants.

- And I wish I were back
to my normal height.

Nice.

I wish I had more cake to take
my mind off my broken leg.

Whoa, this will do nicely.

- Hey, speaking
of your broken leg.

I wish that my dad would stop
ballroom dancing all the time

because it's embarrassing
and it also broke Roy's leg.

I will never dance again.

I thought you'd catch me.

No, catching is dancing.

- I wish I had a puppy to lick
this frosting off my face.

Ten out of ten,
would wish again.

- Roy, I hope you
and your frosting puppy

are happy together,

but this girl's gonna wish
herself right outta Dimmsdale.

- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes.

It's nothing against you,

I just don't belong here.

That whole party hates me
'cause I broke your leg

and I have Fairy Godparents
now.

I want the life
I thought I was getting.

Wanda, Cosmo,

I wish I were surrounded
by farm animals on--

Done!

- Oh!
- Love it.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I was gonna say "on a farm"!

I want to be surrounded
by animals on a farm.

- You'll learn to choose
your wish words

more carefully in the future.

- Hey, you wanna hit Cancún
this weekend, broseph?

- Tight!

Just gotta clear it
with the wife first.

Uh, okay.

Roy, you wish for your bones
to no longer be broken

and then you can play
in the big game.

Then I'll just wish myself
and all these animals

out of Dimmsdale forever. Deal?

- No deal.
Dimmsdale's the best.

You just don't know it yet.

In fact, I'm not gonna
wish for anything

until you promise me

you'll never wish yourself
out of Dimmsdale.

- Viv, have you seen Roy?

We all miss him.

Why does the house
suddenly smell like a barn?

Wish yourself healed.

Then at least wish
these animals out of here

before someone asks us
where they all came from.

- If it keeps you in Dimmsdale
forever,

I will never wish again.

- Viv?
- Roy.

- Viv?
- Roy!

- Viv?
- Zina?

- I heard a crash.
I was worried about Roy.

Hey, where'd all these
farm animals come from?

Vivian Turner!

Vivian.

- How'd you break
your ribs, anyway?

Fell through the skylight.

- Poor thing.

Aww.

- Okay.
- I'll let you know

- when I'm done.
- Okay.

- Vivian, can you at least

tell me where the farm animal
smell is coming from?

Uh...my feet.

They got sweaty
from all the dancing.

- Gross! Well, I'm going back
to the party.

You should stay here, though.

People are pretty mad
about you breaking Roy's legs.

- Um, so where did all these
farm animals come from?

- Roy got them for me.
As a welcome present.

Because he knows
that I want to live on a farm.

- Well, I'm afraid
I don't buy that for a second.

But I'll choose
to ignore it because

you are my best friend
and Roy is my Roy.

- She'll let me know
when she's done.

- So, Roy, how do you propose
we get rid of these animals

before anyone finds out
they're here?

- Uh, why can't anyone
find out they're here?

Uh, because!

There's a law
in Dimmsdale that says

you can't keep
farm animals in your house.

What?

- That can't be true.
- Just trust me.

Okay, friend. How about this?

Roy gets everyone
to clear out of the house,

you and I can hustle all these
animals out the back door

and they'll wander off
on their own.

- Sounds good to me.
- Yeah, me too,

but how am I gonna get everyone
to clear out of the house?

- You'll think of something.
You're Roy.

Oh, yeah, I am Roy.

- You bet
your big game you are.

Nailed it.

Catch me, Ty!

This is my life now.

Look, everybody, it's Roy!

- Roy, what's wrong
with your ribs?

They're broken.

all: Oh!

But I'm wearing
solid gold pants!

all: Yeah!

But I have to leave the party
and go to the ER.

all: Aw.

So how about I lead a parade
to the hospital

in my solid gold pants!

all: Yeah!

Roy!
Roy, Roy, Roy,

Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy!

- I gotta say,
Roy's pretty good.

- Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy--
- No, no, we have to stay here.

Right, right, right, right.

Excuse me.

- Sergeant Splitz.
- Um, yes, Sergeant?

- Are yous twos aware
there's a law in Dimmsdale

that says ya can't harbor
no farm animals in ya house?

Wait, seriously?

I will never doubt you again.

- Stinks like a barnyard
in heres. What gives?

- Oh, it's, uh, my feet.
They smell--

- What was that?

- I said they smell baa-d!

You poor thing.

You know, I was the smelly kid
in my class, too.

Thank you for seeing me.

Well, I gotta split.

I'd heard
Roy's leading a parade

wearing solid gold pants!

Splitz out!

- That's why they call him
Sergeant Splitz.

Dimmsdale is weird, man.

- How is it that doctors can
put a man on the moon,

but they can't do anything
for broken ribs?

- I'll tell you what can
do something for broken ribs.

- What?
- Fairy God Parents.

Oh! No.

- C'mon.
Look how sad your mom is.

I'm so sad.

I'm sorry, honey.

For reasons I don't understand,
I simply will not dance.

- First, my son breaks himself
and can't play in the big game

and now my dancing husband
refuses to dance.

It's true.

So now you're just a husband.

What am I supposed
to do with that?

- We could open a food truck.
- Ooh, a dancing food truck?

- No, my love.

- Will you at least
wish that my dad

would start dancing again?

I'd love to,

but as soon as I wish anything,

you'll wish yourself
away from Dimmsdale forever.

- Roy, your life was awesome
before I came here.

Why do you even care if I did?

- Because I've always wanted
a sibling

and now I've got one and,

yeah, you're kinda different
from everyone else around here,

but I like that.

I like you.

Do what you want.

I'm gonna wish my mom happy.

Wanda, Cosmo?

We're back from Cancún.

Uh, they can tell.

- I wish Viv's dad
would dance again.

Cosmo, strike up the band.

- A-one, and a-two,
and a-Thursday.

- You're dancing again.
- I have no explanation why!

Catch me, Ty!

That's sweet.

Yeah.

- I have a wish now, though.
- Ooh, exciting.

Not exciting.

She's gonna wish herself
away from Dimmsdale forever.

So where to?

Cancún for a bros' weekend?

I wish...

I wish that Roy didn't have
any more broken bones

so he can play in the big game.

- Thanks, Viv.
- Sure thing, new brother.

That's nice.

- I'll let you know
when I'm done.

- Ha-ha-ha!

Oh, yeah!

Ha!

Whoo-hoo!

Yeah!

Yeah!

- Roy!
- Let's go!

- Did Roy wish himself
to be this good at basketball?

- No, that's just Roy
being Roy.

But Viv's new Dimmsdale hat,

that's all me.

These pictures of Roy

are gonna look great
in the school newspaper.

There is no school newspaper.

I know, baby girl.

I know.