01x06 - The Most Popular Person

[bunniefuu]

it's "The First Day of School,"

featuring my beautiful wife,
Wanda,

and the First Day of School
Orchestra.

- Cosmo, are you
a first-day-of-school pencil?

'Cause you're looking sharp!

Thanks, baby.

And now ready to dazzle

in her official
first-day-of-school outfit,

please welcome Vivian Turner!

- Hey-oh!

Boom! Turn! Fierce!

- Um...
- Ooh...

Why did the music stop?

- Maybe it's 'cause
you're wearing pajamas

for your first day of school.

These aren't pajamas.

And if they were,
could I do this?

Boom! Turn! Fierce!

- They're going
to eat her alive.

- Oh, Viv, you have
fairy godparents now.

You can wish
for any clothes you want.

- Yeah, for instance,
you could dress like a matador.

- I can't boom, turn, fierce
in this.

I wish for my cute hoodie back,
por favor.

- Don't boo me
in my own bedroom.

- Viv, why are you
wearing pajamas?

- I'm wearing the same thing
as you.

Yeah, these are my pajamas.

Ooh, floor corn.

All right, wish time.

First day of school,
got to look cool.

What ya got for me?

- I got just the thing,
Señor Rrrroy.

Vámonos!

Boom! Turn! Fuerte!
This is it.

- You're really going to wear
a matador outfit to school?

- Yeah, I'm popular.
People will love it.

It's #Matadorable.

- See, now, come on, you got
to change out of those PJs,

or you'll never be popular
in Dimmsdale.

- I don't care
about being popular.

- So many great minds
throughout history

were never popular in school--

Albert Einstein, Aristotle,

some third example that
really hammers this point home.

Viv, trust me on this.

Popularity has its perks.

Take my boys, for example.

They pick me up for school
every morning

because I'm popular.

Boom, turn, perks.

- So they're only friends with
you because you're popular?

- No. The popularity
started the friendship,

but now they know me.

And I know my boys.

#BoysLifelongJoys.

Positive male friendships
make me cry.

- Hey-oh, Daddy-o.
Check this out.

Boom, turn, fierce.

- Rachel, wheel in the rack.
It's worse than we thought.

Wheeling!

Uh, what's this?

Fashion, honey.

Question--
are you allergic to trends?

- Okay, number one,
I'm only allergic to shellfish.

Ty.

- We'll try and fix that before
the Dimmsdale Shrimptacular.

- But, more importantly,
I'd rather just be myself.

- Ty, wheel in the chart.
It's worse than we thought.

- Wheeling!
- What is this?

- In Dimmsdale,
there are levels to popularity.

At the top, we have
the most popular person.

Then we have Roy,
your stepbrother,

who's in a category
all by himself,

complete with his own set
of boys.

- Love that guy.
Love his boys.

- Just below Roy, we have
your standard popular kids

that come
in all shapes and sizes.

- Wait, wait,
where am I on this pyramid?

- That's the best part.
It's your first day of school.

We don't know
where you'll land.

We want to get you here.

And right now
what you're wearing gets here.

- That's yikes territory,
sweetie.

- Look, I wore jeans and
a hoodie to school every day

in Oldsburg,
and I fit in just fine.

Did someone say "fine"?

- Ooh! Well, don't you look
positively "matadorable."

- Those bulls
don't stand a chance.

all: Roy!

Hey, boys!

Cute fit, bro.

- You know how I feel
about capes?

Gracias, chicos.

- Ready to get picked up
for school?

#Boys...

all: Lifelong joys.

All right! Whoo!

all:
Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy!

So male, so positive.

- You don't think this balloon
is a bit much, do you?

- First day of school, didn't
want to lose track of you.

- Love that,
but did it have to say

"new girl, who dis?" with
an arrow pointing down on it?

- That way when people ask,
you can say, "Dis Viv."

Oh.

- What's that?
- Move it, twerp!

- Miss Vicky,
one of the teachers.

Stay completely still.

Hey, new girl.

Do I respond to--

Shut up!

I'm Miss Vicky.

Let me do you the honor

of giving you your first
after-school detention.

- For what?
- Littering on school grounds.

That's your balloon, isn't it?

But you popped it.

Not my problem!

See you in detention, twerp.

I can tell already

you are going to be
off-the-charts unpopular.

- That's not something
a teacher should weigh in on.

And she's walking away.

Oh, that was close.

- Close?
She gave me detention.

- You got
bigger problems, chica.

You got to find
your lunch group.

- Wait, why can't you and I
eat together?

- Because I have diepnophobia.
- What?

- It's the fear
of eating in public.

- I have a hidden lunch spot.
- Where?

- It's over by the--

Oh, you're as good
as they say you are.

Anyways, here's
your lunch-table options.

Now, listen and listen good.

You got your popular kids.

You got your popular
international kids.

You got
your popular band kids.

Now hold on.

- You got your pop chess club,
pop nerds.

The pop theater kids
are over there

rehearsing
"Legally Blonde."

Okay, I get it.

Everyone in Dimmsdale
is popular.

Except us, bestie.

Now, if you don't mind,
I got to go roast these quail.

Happy hunting, toots.

Is that really your lunch?

And she's walking away.

Need some help, dear?

- I could use a place to sit
for lunch.

- Why don't you wish for
something to help you fit in?

Maybe a cool leather jacket
and a catchphrase like,

"What's all this?"

- I'm not going
to change myself to fit in,

because being popular is...

both: Not that important to me.

- Yeah, you made that clear,
sweetie.

- What's that?

- It's Cassidy!
How's my hair?

- Who cares?
How's my hair?

Who's Cassidy?

- She's the MPP.
- The most popular person.

Now someone tell me
how my hair is!

Cute outfit, Roy.

#Matadorable.

Chaaaaa!

You know what I'm over?

The color green.

Like, are you wearing grass?
Ew!

- Well, at least
I'm not wearing green.

Go ahead and brag!

Some of us are cursed
with hideous green hair.

- I guess
I'll just sit over there.

By the trash can?

- Yeah.
Just for now.

A nice, quiet place
to read my books.

Do you know what I'm over?

Flip-flops.

Everyone
who's wearing flip-flops

needs to throw them away.

Sandwiches are cheugy.
Throw them.

Books are boring.
You know what to do.

Is this the only trash can
in the whole school?

That's it!

Wanda? Cosmo?

Well, finally.

- We've been waiting for you
to say "that's it"

for 10 days now.

I wish that I was popular.

No, no.

I wish that I was the
most popular person in school.

- Ooh, I love it
when they supersize a wish!

all: To Vivian, the MPP!

Boom, turn, fierce!

all:
Viv, Viv, Viv, Viv!

Viv, Viv, Viv!

all:
Viv, Viv, Viv!

Viv, Viv, Viv, Viv!

Viv, Viv, Viv, Viv!

Viv, Viv, Viv, Viv!

Wanda? Cosmo?

Hey, did Viv just wish herself
to be the most popular person?

Don't ask me.

I can barely remember
what I had for breakfast.

- She sure did.
- Wait!

Now I remember.

I had an absolutely gorgeous
Santa Fe omelet.

What were we talking about?
Eggs?

- Ooh! I think Viv's about
to make her first proclamation.

What's up?

- You have to make
a proclamation,

like how green is "ew"
and sandwiches are "cheugy."

Okay. I got a proclamation.

You know what's cool now?

Coming to school in jeans
and a hoodie.

Yes, Akira.
I guess I mean pajamas.

- Yeah, I could do that.
- Sounds pretty cool.

- And you know
what else is cool?

- Tell us!
- Was just about to, Hester.

Reading books is cool.

So is eating sandwiches.

And, heck, even wearing
flip-flops and green.

Oh, yeah!

- But most of all just,
you know,

- do whatever you want.
- Eh?

- I said,
"Do whatever you want."

- But how?
- I don't know, Chornel.

You all can figure it out.

Just know
that I, Vivian H. Turner,

the MPP,
want you to do you!

- Aw!
Everyone's so happy.

Not Cassidy.

Now that Viv's MPP,
she's all alone.

- Want to throw a flip-flop
at her?

- No. Now that
she's not popular,

she doesn't have any friends.

- So we should
throw a sandwich instead?

Not following you here.

- Do you think my boys only
like me because I'm popular?

I mean, do they even know me?

- If they care about you,
they do.

For instance,
I care about Wanda,

and I know
she hates this sound.

- Oh, Cosmo!

- I hate that sound.
- I love you, too, honey.

- Well, real talk, Roy--

it sounds like you need to have
real talk with your boys

to see if they really know you.

I sure do.

- Ugh!
Isn't that just awful?

- No! Cosmo!
- It's like, eeeh!

Ah, it's just terrible.

Hey, when's my birthday?

all: Roy!

- Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
When's my birthday?

- Every day is your birthday
to us, Roy.

all: Yeah!

How about my middle name?

- You only need one name, Roy.
- You're our Beyoncé!

- Do you even know
my last name?

- Table?
- No.

- How about "Awesome"?
- No!

Yeah, Roy B. Awesome.

all:
Roy B. Awesome.

Roy B. Awesome.
Roy B. Awesome.

Roy B. Awesome!

Roy was right.

Popularity does have its perks.

Why?

- I had to show the yard
I'm a thr*at.

What?

- Since you're the MPP
and I'm your best friend,

it's my job to be your personal
assistant, schedule keeper,

and, most importantly,
your bodyguard.

- That's coo--

Nice.
Still got it.

- Anyways, here's your schedule.
- I have a schedule?

A packed one, mamacitas.

After school, you head straight
to underwater-fencing practice.

- Ooh, underwater fencing.
That sounds fun.

- It's actually
quite dangerous.

But you better learn.
You're the MPP.

- My life is a lie
thanks to you!

What was that about?

- No idea, but it was cute
as all get-out.

Back to your schedule,
baby girl.

You have to make an appearance
at two birthday parties.

You're double-booked
for dinner, so you'll have

to run back and forth, back
and forth--it'll be hilarious.

After that, you're scheduled
to open Dimmsdale's

new all-night roller skating
rink, 24-Hour Skateness.

They'd love it
if you could do a lap or two,

just enough to get some photos.

They promise you'll be out
by 1:00 a.m.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1:00 a.m.?

I don't even know
how to skate.

- Well, you better learn.
You're the MPP.

- Aw, it's okay, sweetheart.

Viv was right.

My boys only like me
because I'm popular.

They didn't even know
my last name.

- Aw.
- Oh, woof.

- "Woof."
That's it.

What's it?

- I'm gonna wish
for something that's loyal,

that loves me for me,
and protects me no matter what.

Reading you loud and clear.

One Santa Fe omelet
coming right up.

- What? No.
I wish for a dog.

both: Oh.

- A dog that only loves me
and is my best buddy.

And his name is Buddy.

Oh, and make Buddy cute.

- I love it
when they cute-ify a wish.

He's so cute.

- Buddy, no!

- Your dog just took chomp
out of my rump!

You think that's bad?

Buddy bit me on the butt.

And he broke our wands.

Oh, but he's so cute!

- Wow, I guess
Buddy loves me so much,

he can't stand it
when anyone comes near me.

And he bites them on the butt.

What's that, honey?

Something loves you so much
that it gets mad

and bites butts
whenever anyone gets--

Aah!

Buddy, no!

Roy, get your new dog
off my butt!

- Buddy, get back here!
Sorry, Mom!

- It's okay.
He's so cute.

- Isn't he, though?
- He sure is.

And in Dimmsdale,
cuteness is next to godliness!

What's this I hear

about Roy having a cute dog
that bites butts

if anyone gets
too close to him?

Aah!

- Buddy, no!
- Ah, ah, ah!

Ah, ah, ah!

Where have you been?

- I'm totally fine--

just hanging out
with my new best friend.

Is your new best friend

that dog attached
to your stepdad's butt?

- Uh, better question--

do you guys know
my birthday yet?

June...

couchy-lamp?

That's not even a date!

- Well, is it at least June?
- No!

- Rise and shine, angel.

Let's go over your schedule.

It's 5:00 a.m.

That's when MPPs wake up.

Have some coffee.
It'll help.

I don't like coffee.

- Well, you better learn
to like it--you're the MPP.

- I thought being MPP
was gonna be proclamations

and people thinking I'm cool.

Hey, you're getting better.

And tonight you have a
stand-up set at The Teeheehee.

They want you
to bring ten friends.

That won't be hard.
You're the MPP.

- I don't know
how to do stand-up comedy.

What's all this?

- Love that catchphrase.
- Thank you.

- But ever since
you told people

to do whatever they want,

no one knows
what to do anymore.

It's chaos.

Well, that was stupid of me.

Watch out!

Buddy got off his leash,
and he bites butts!

all: What's this we hear
about a dog that bites butts?

Buddy, no!

- Aah!

So cute!

Buddy, no!

My poor ankle.

I wish someone
would have told me

not to wear flip-flops
to school!

- Watch where you're reading,
Dougie.

- Watch where
you're reading, Chornel.

You're so right, Akira.

- Why did I wear green pants?

Sorry!

It turns out the color green
makes Buddy even more bite-y!

Can you guys fix this?

It's my turn to wish, and
I wish I wasn't MPP anymore.

Sorry, kiddo.

Roy's cute dog broke our wands.

- And our new ones won't be
delivered until next week

because someone won't pay
for same-day shipping

on Ama-wand Prime!

I'd rather use that money

for a subscription
to Fairy-mount Plus.

- It is a mountain
of entertainment.

Who are you talking to?

Uh...

I was just talking to myself.

- I used to do that, too,
when I was MPP.

It's not all perks.

The pressure
can really get to you.

That's surprising

'cause you were
a much better MPP than I am.

- I know.
You're kind of garbage at it.

- Yeah.
- Aha--

- There's got to be a way
to fix it.

I mean, can I just step down?

- I wish it was that easy, but
that's not how being MPP works.

You don't want
to be MPP anymore,

you got to do something that
will make everyone hate you.

- Ooh! My patoot!

- Sorry about
my butt-biting dog, everyone!

- It's okay, Roy.
Your pooch is so cute!

- Stay here.
I got an idea.

Buddy needs to go.

What did you say?

- I'm making a proclamation.
Roy's dog needs to go.

As MPP, I am banishing Buddy
from Dimmsdale.

- I know he's cute.
- So cute.

And in Dimmsdale, we never
get rid of anything cute.

- Cuteness is
next to godliness.

- Unless we get rid of Buddy,
this problem is just

going to keep biting us all
on the butt.

I thought
that was kind of clever.

Anyways, Buddy's gonna go
to a farm

where he can bite butts
all day in peace.

- Jeez. Sending a dog to a farm
just because he bites butts?

Even I wouldn't do that,
and I'm about to do this.

- Buddy, no!

- It's a good thing
I don't feel pain.

Let's hit that farm, Buddy.

- all: Aw.
- Shut up!

Akira's right!

Let's get rid of Viv
and make Cassidy MPP again!

all: Yeah!

Yeah!

- Checkmate.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

I thought you were supposed
to protect me?

- Yeah. Turns out
neither one of us

were very good at our jobs.

- How could you?
Buddy was my only friend.

- I wouldn't be so sure
about that.

Is this for real?

- Sure is.
Go get your boys.

- Boys, my birthday is--

Wow, how do you know
when I was going to interrupt--

Aw, I love you, boys.

I'm gonna think
of a random word.

And I swear to God,
if you guys wrote "kiwi"...

This is nice.

- Thanks for sitting with me
at lunch.

- No problem. I realized
that one of the good things

about being unpopular is that
no one watches me eat anyway.

Yeah, no one.

You want a bite?

I'm good.

- There, there.

- Turns out positive female
friendships make me cry, too.

Aw, it's okay, Cosmo.