01x08 - Back to the Scooter

[bunniefuu]

[big band music]

Okay. Now...floss!

Get out of here, plaque!

The Stanky Chipmunk.

- Ooh, wee!

This chipmunk needs a bath!

The Viv.

I don't know that one.

No one does. Not yet.

- Baby girl, do I detect

a hint of mystique?

You detect correct.

I'm gonna debut The Viv

tonight at the school dance.

Major!

Can a bestie get

a sneak peek?

Okay, step one,

- you wanna bend--

- Hey!

You guys know

Hopper's girlfriend, Megan?

both: No.

- Well, you know how

she hates jelly?

- I don't know anything

about her.

Also, no.

- Well, you know how

she dumped Hopper this morning

on the day of the big dance

we're all stoked about

because she found out

Hopper likes jelly?

- I mean, you're ignoring

all our responses, so--

- Great!

Then you'll love this!

- ♪ I've got jelly on my belly

and it's on the telly ♪

all: ♪ He's got jelly on his

belly and it's on the telly ♪

- ♪ I got ♪

all: J-E-L-L-Y ♪

♪ Megan, you can

kiss his face goodbye ♪

Megan, come back. I'm sorry.

all: No, no, no, no!

- Don't tell her that.

- She doesn't like jelly.

Pretty tight little vid, huh?

Yeah. Take that, Megan.

Anyways, we should probably

start getting ready for tonight

when my life changes forever.

In the movies,

the school dance is where

the underestimated girl

gets her chance to shine

by dancing alone

in the middle of the room.

I'ma do The Viv.

[upbeat music]

And someone will say--

Cool dance, Viv!

I'll never

underestimate you again.

- No, no, no, no, no.

I have it all planned out.

I'ma be crowned king

of the dance

by a robot!

- Congratulations.

You are king of the dance.

And that's where I come in.

Everyone rises to their feet

as I enter

in a custom Vera Wang.

Roy's jaw drops.

- We are gathered here today

for the totally sick

yet tasteful wedding

of Zina and Roy.

No, no, no, no, no, no!

- Aw, you get so cranky

when you haven't eaten.

I'm gonna go get

my hangry boy a corndog.

- Okay,

so I'm assuming you used

Cosmo and Wanda to help you

fill the gym with jelly.

Solid guess.

- Did you also use them to help

you get rid of the jelly?

Define...

"Get rid of the jelly."

- Knock-knock, twerps!

- Oh! Um, what are you doing

in our house, Miss Vicky?

[laughs]

Buckle up for a long line.

I saw that jelly song

from you and your boys.

Tight little vid,

but I noticed it took place

in our school's gym,

so I slinked over

all suspicious-like.

Once I got there, I slipped

in red and purple jelly.

[yelping]

Every attempt to stand up,

I slipped again,

over and over

until I was forced

to roll out of there

causing even more jelly

to cover my person.

If it were anyone else,

I would point and laugh,

but it was me,

so I'm furious!

And that's why I'm...

canceling the school dance.

No, you can't do that!

Oh, I cans

and I dids.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm going to celebrate the fact

that I'm making a school

full of children miserable.

[cackling]

[clattering]

Ah!

I fell in a bush!

Where's my hangry boy?

- The school dance

was canceled.

- What?

[windows shatter]

[cat yowls]

This is the worst moment

of my entire life.

I have an idea.

How about we have the dance

at the Fancy Dance Dance Studio?

I happen to know the owner

and I happen to know,

he'll say, "Uh-yes."

Yes!

[all cheering]

Sorry. I meant no.

all: Aww!

Why not?

- School dances

are triggering for me

and I refuse to explain why.

Goodbye.

- Maybe we'll have

better luck with Rachel?

No, you won't.

[all scream]

I heard every word

as I was corning this dog

in the ticket booth

and the answer is

and always will be, "No."

- What if we--

- School dances

are triggering for me

and I refuse to explain why.

Goodbye.

- But I was gonna debut

my signature dance.

You're gonna make me bark.

Okay. Just, please?

[barking]

Don't cry, my love.

I have an idea.

Is she coming back?

Probably not.

But I have an idea

that's actually gonna work.

Cosmo? Wanda?

Hey, kiddos.

Sounds like that jelly

put you in a jam.

- I love jam.

Salty, crunchy, peanut buttery.

- You're talking

about peanut butter.

No, no.

I'm talking

about that brown stuff

that's called peanut butter.

Oh! You know, I am

talking about peanut butter.

- Okay, can I wish for Ty

to change his mind

about having

the school dance here?

- Mind control

goes against the rules.

Would, uh,

this change

Da Rules' mind?

- Honey, that's an old

string cheese,

and bribery

also goes against the rules.

- Oh, man!

The rules don't rule at all!

[window shatters]

[cat yowls]

I still want that cheese!

It's about time.

Zina, how'd you get in here?

- I had keys made.

Please sit.

- What are all these

dusty rectangles doing here?

- Roy, honey,

they're old yearbooks.

- Oh, yeah!

[chuckles]

- Now, looky-looky

in this booky-booky.

Exhibit A, the 1996

Dimmsdale High School dance.

Is that my dad and Rachel?

I barely recognize them.

- Are they in the Fancy Dance

Dance Studio?

- No, that's a very similar

looking dance studio

down the street

that got closed down

because the owner got eaten

by his mongoose.

- What?

- Sorry, sorry, mongeese.

There were several.

That's...disturbing.

Anyways,

our parents look so happy.

Not so fast, baba.

- Peep Exhibit B,

where B stands for breakup.

"Couples in Memorium"?

- They clearly broke up

that night.

Oh!

Well, that must be why my dad

has such bad association

with school dances.

["Wedding March" playing]

- Rats! I have my final

wedding dress fitting.

You guys better fix this.

Yes, Vera, I'm traveling now

and I'll be there...

♪ On time ♪

Traveling!

Time!

Ho-ho, Roy,

you are onto something.

Cosmo! Wanda!

Hey!

- I wish we could

travel back in time

to the dance

where my Mom dumped Ty

and stop that from happening.

- Aww.

- I love it!

You do?

This is huge!

- Uh, time travel

can get a little sticky.

- Messing with

your parents' relationship

might cause some serious

side effects for the future.

- Yeah, you can accidentally

step on an ant

and that ant

was going to be president.

But now it can't be president

on account of your shoe.

Great job, guys.

Now the Earth is at this w*r

with the moon.

- We're not gonna step

on any ants.

- You better not.

I love the moon!

- What we're gonna do is make

sure that my Dad and Rachel

don't break up

at this particular dance,

so they let us have our dance

at their studio.

- King of the dance

crowned by robot guy,

here I come!

- Approval from my peers

via dance, here I come!

Poof it.

[wands chiming]

[scooter revving]

both: Cool!

- May I present to you

the Time Scooter.

Just hop on and tell it where

and when you want to go.

both: Yay!

- And when you want

to bring it back,

just say,

"Scooty-scooty, come-come."

- Really?

- Really, really. Yes, yes.

- [laughs]

Uh...

- Take us to the 1996

Dimmsdale High School Dance!

[controller whirring]

[tires screeching]

[laughs]

[foreboding music]

[brakes screech]

[upbeat music playing]

♪ ♪

[tires screeching]

Did it work?

We in the '90s?

Hey, guy. What year is it?

- Does this answer

your question?

Cowabunga! Shwing!

Eat my shorts.

- Is that English?

- Why would I eat your shorts?

It's 1996.

both: Whoo!

- ♪ She's a stranger from afar

and he's a local star ♪

♪ And now they're family ♪

♪ And they have OddParents,

Fairly OddParents ♪

- ♪ Normal floaty fish ♪

- ♪ Until we grant your wish ♪

- ♪ OddParents,

Fairly OddParents ♪

♪ New shirt, blue skirt,

instant dessert ♪

♪ Swim wear, lazy chair ♪

♪ Chocolate square,

time to share ♪

♪ Gold throne, clear phone ♪

♪ Dino bone, silly clone ♪

- ♪ OddParents,

Fairly OddParents ♪

♪ It flips your lid

when you are a kid ♪

♪ With Fairly OddParents! ♪

♪ In real life ♪

[upbeat music playing]

♪ ♪

Well, teenagers in the '90s

look way older

than teenagers now.

Yeah.

I think it had something

to do with milk.

Okay, here's the plan.

In and out

as quickly as possible.

Welcome to my dance studio.

You guys wanna see a picture

of my mongoose?

Sorry, sorry, mongeese.

There are several.

- Oh, my God!

Those mongeese are gonna--

- Live long and a happy life

just like...you.

Excuse us.

Later.

Ah, should really start

feeding those guys

and stop taunting them

at some point.

[chuckles]

What are they gonna do?

Eat me? Huh!

- We can't alter anything

about the past, remember?

Yeah, you're right.

Look!

There's my Dad and Rachel.

[Los Del Río's "Macarena"

playing]

- Promise you'll never stop

dancing with me?

- Cross my heart

and hope to Ty.

[Aqua's "Barbie Girl" plays]

Oh, snap! This is the jam

I dance to with my guys.

Ty's guys.

all: Ty, Ty, Ty, Ty!

- Sorry, babe.

This is more of a guy song.

- But you crossed your heart

and hoped to Ty.

Sorry, babe.

Whoa!

♪ In a fantasy world ♪

It's all happening.

- I'm gonna go talk to Rachel.

- Perfect.

- I'll distract Ty.

- How?

- Ty, Ty, Ty, Ty!

- Oh, sick! A new guy.

Come dance with us, rug rat.

- ♪ Come on, Barbie,

let's go party ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, yeah ♪

[sobbing]

I hate the '90s.

- Hey, Ray-Ray.

Who are you?

You look super young.

Do you even drink milk?

Uh, soy milk.

Soy milk?

Like, Spanish for

"I am milk"?

- Um--

- Well, listen up, Milk.

I'm about to break up

with my boyfriend, Ty.

So go be a part of a balanced

breakfast somewhere else.

- Well, have you ever thought

about not breaking up with him?

- What are you driving at,

Milk?

Well...

Ty clearly takes his friendship

with his guys seriously,

which ultimately

is a great quality.

You're right.

He is an amazing kisser!

Oh, that's so gross.

Thanks for your advice, Milk.

Yo, Ty!

Let's make up with our mouths.

That was easy.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh!

Did they make up?

With their mouths.

I saw it with my eyes.

Ew, well,

let's get back

to the present.

Scooty, scooty, come, come.

[tires squealing]

Living room, present day.

[tires screech]

[dramatic music]

[brakes screech]

[tires squeal]

Hey. Looks like we did it.

- Oh, yeah,

we for sure did it,

but, uh, time travel really

makes ya boy "hungy."

I could go for one

of my mom's famous corn dogs.

- Who wants one

of my famous corn dogs?

- The handsomest boy

in Dimmsdale does.

Mom?

Mom?

Mommy!

Hm, that's weird.

I want corn dogs!

The handsomest boy in Dimmsdale,

me, Ty Turner, does.

- Ooh!

- Ooh! My body.

- Here's to never breaking up

since high school.

And most importantly...

both: Never having kids!

Let's enjoy these in our

attic-turned-corn-dog

eating room.

That's my room.

[both humming happily]

both: ♪ It's corn dog time ♪

- Okay, we might've

stepped on some ants.

Dang right, you did, kiddos.

- And I'm guessing

you didn't bring me back

any of that hormone-rich

'90s milk.

How am I supposed to balance

my breakfast now?

[scale creaks]

[window shatters]

[cat yowls]

I don't know what happened.

- What happened is we got them

so together

that they never broke up.

Oh!

So that means my mom

never met my dad in college.

And my dad never met my mom

at the Dimmsdale combination

Pizza Hat and Lightbulb store.

You know, I've always wondered,

who is your dad?

- Oh, this dancer

my mom met in college.

He lives in San Francisco

with his husband

and they run this adorable

cannoli shop.

Who's your dad?

Ty.

Oh, yeah!

- You two better get your

heinies back to the '90s

because we can't grant wishes

to kids that don't exist.

- And then get back

to the present

so you can win

that science fair.

- You mean go

to the school dance?

- No, no.

I mean science fair,

where you dance with your chums

and it's a school dance.

Oh, wait, I am talking

about a school dance.

Good luck.

Scooty, scooty, come, come.

We're doing this The Roy Way.

[tires squeal]

Back to the dance in the '90s

and super break up our parents.

- Roy, I don't think

that this is gonna work--

The Roy Way!

[R&B music playing]

I love you, Ty.

Nothing could ever

break us up.

- That's a boss

observation, babe.

- Talk to the hand 'cause the

face is too in love to listen.

[laughs]

[upbeat music playing]

So what's The Roy Way?

This is how we do it.

I'm gonna shout

the most dangerous phrase

that can be said in the '90s.

Dance Battle!

[crowd gasping]

I declare a dance battle

between Ty and Mommy.

I mean, Rachel!

Ty and Rachel.

[crowd cheering]

- Normally, we don't listen

to 12-year-olds.

- But he did declare

a dance battle.

- It is the '90s,

so we can't turn it down.

True that.

[crowd cheering]

♪ ♪

[crowd cheering]

♪ ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ ♪

- Whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa.

She's too good,

12-year-old boy.

I can't b*at her.

I'm only semi-semi professional.

- There's only one thing

you can do.

You gotta do...

the Slap Dragon.

- The Slap Dragon isn't

allowed in dance battles,

especially in school.

Ho ho!

You're not in

the dance battle.

Nah!

You're in the dance w*r!

Now release the Slap Dragon!

[crowd gasps]

♪ ♪

You can't do the Slap Dragon,

especially in a dance battle,

especially in school.

- Sorry, babe, I really hope

societal norms change,

but it's the '90s

and I can't lose to a chick.

[crowd gasps]

- Well, you're about to lose

this chick!

I am super breaking up with you!

♪ ♪

Scooty, scooty, come, come.

- I can't wait to see how

"tarsty" we made the present.

[explosions booming]

[tires screeching]

Dimmsdale went

from "tarsty,"

uh, to "narsty."

[distant booming]

Zina, I never thought

I'd say this,

but thank God you're, oh--

- Oh, no!

We don't exist again!

- Emperor Rachel,

I bring news from the front.

[dramatic militaristic music]

♪ ♪

[gagging]

Sorry, I burnt some corn dogs

in there.

Now then, Colonel Zina,

my favorite colonel,

what news of the dance w*r

do you bring me?

- Ty and his rebel forces

are planning to hit

"The Woah" at dawn.

- He's bringin' out

the big g*ns, I see.

Thank you for updating me

with this terrible news.

Now, moonwalk out of my sight.

- I walk the moon for you,

Emperor Rachel.

[smooth music]

- Don't get stuck

on the carpet.

♪ ♪

- Wow,

this new world is awesome!

Whose army should we join?

We don't exist.

Oh, yeah!

♪ ♪

What are we gonna do?

We need Wanda and Cosmo.

- What you need

is to exist again,

and so we can grant you wishes.

- You guys started a 20-year

dance w*r between Rachel and Ty.

- God, how can this

get any worse?

- That's my cue

to make it worse.

both: Jorgen Von Strangle!

That's right. It is I.

I ripped your puny universe

a new one

to inform Vivian and Roy

that if you don't fix

your little time travel poo poo

in the next hour,

I will be forced to reassign

Cosmo and Wanda

to kids who actually exist!

both: No!

Yes!

You have one hour.

That is the ticking clock.

Look at it tick!

- I can't lose

Wanda and Cosmo.

How will I brush my teeth?

With a toothbrush

like a normal person.

But you're right

that we can't lose them.

Scooty, scooty, come, come!

- To planny, planny,

plan, plan!

- We have one more sh*t

to get this right.

We have to break them up,

but make them agree

to remain friends.

How do we do that?

We do it The Viv Way.

What is The Viv Way?

I have no idea!

[upbeat music playing]

- In case you can't hear me

over the music,

I'm super breaking up with you!

- Man, Ty and Rachel

are always breaking up

and then getting back together

just like Fross and Frachel

in "Frams,"

the hit current TV show

in the '90s,

which is the decade

in which we are in.

"Frams." That's it!

We'll play the theme song

from "Frams,"

and distract them

from their dance battle,

while I do my signature

dance move, The Viv.

- The one

you were planning to do

at our school dance

in the present.

This story is tying up nicely.

I'll back you up.

♪ ♪

Everybody, stop!

all: Collaborate and listen.

Que pasa, Milk?

We're in the middle

of a dance battle!

- Can't you see?

- Sí, no la veas, Milk?

- Excuse me. Can you play

the theme song from "Frams"?

Yeah, I'll be there for you.

- Hit it!

- ♪ Friends come and go ♪

♪ But I'll always be true,

true together ♪

♪ We'll concentrate,

she'll take a break or two ♪

♪ Friends forever ♪

♪ Come on now,

you know what to do ♪

♪ It's all right 'cause

I got a friend in you ♪

[all booing]

- Why are you only dancing

in one place?

- That stunk!

It was all arms.

No, your kids are gonna love

watching these kinds of dances

on their phones.

- You can't watch something

on a phone.

This is the '90s!

[laughter]

- Boo you guys!

I'm goin' home!

[laughter]

[mellow music plays]

Don't be sad, beb.

The kids in the present

are gonna love The Viv.

- Uh, doy!

My dance moves are da b*mb.

Look!

I brought you some punch.

Thanks.

I like punch.

I'm sorry, Rachel.

You know, watching that girl

who oddly looks like

a combination of me and Calista

from the combination Pizza Hat

and Lightbulb Store

do that terrible

futuristic dance,

it made me forget what we were

even dance battling about

in the first place.

- Oh, it was about--

Shh. We forgot.

Oh! Okay.

- How about we break up,

but this time we remain frams?

I'd like that.

♪ ♪

Frams.

- ♪ Come on! ♪

[upbeat music plays]

both: Whoa!

Let's get our fram on.

Oh, and hey,

maybe later on, down the line,

we can get back together

and open up a dance studio,

remarkably similar to this one.

I'd like that.

♪ ♪

[tires screeching]

[tires squealing]

Did it work?

Do we exist again?

Owie!

Why'd you do that?

- It didn't go through you.

We exist!

- Yeah, you could've

come to that conclusion

when you picked it up.

[winces]

Oh, yeah.

But that would be less funny.

Cosmo, Wanda, you're back!

And cuter than ever.

- Now, can we pretty please

agree to no more time travel?

- Sure.

No more time travel,

at least for this season.

[mischievous music]

- Hey, what are you guys doin'?

You got a dance to get to.

- both: We do?

- Why, of course!

The dance was canceled,

then you asked me to have it at

the Fancy Dance Dance Studio,

and I responded with

a resounding and unwavering yes!

- both: Yes.

- Now, Roy,

get that bootio in a suitio.

Viv, you get dressed up too.

I just don't have a good rhyme.

Ooh! I got it.

Viv, get into a gown

in order to get down.

Ah, you marvelous scribe,

you've done it again!

Viv!

- Hey, look, Roy's about to be

crowned the king of the dance.

I crown you

king of the Dimmsdale

Junior High Dance.

Roar!

[cheers and applause]

Well, it's not a robot,

but a tiger with a mustache

is still...

pretty cool.

[cheers and applause]

And as my first act as king,

I hereby declare

the debut of...

The Viv.

[mellow pop music]

♪ ♪

I love The Viv!

- Yeah, this is shaping up to

be a tight little win for her,

as long as nobody interrupts--

♪ Here comes the bride ♪

♪ All dressed for Roy ♪

Hello, my sweet king.

Uh, also,

as king of the Dimmsdale

Junior High Dance,

I declare we dance

and keep Zina away from me.

- [chuckles]

Men and commitment.

all: Whoa!

Megan, we're next!

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪