01x13 - Fairies Away: Part 2

[bunniefuu]

I got this, Wanda.

Viv wished
for her own talk show.

- Where your wish
is my command.

- But Roy was like,
"You're do this all wrong."

- Wishes are best spent
on yourself.

- I would
like Dustan Lumberlake

to sing a song about me.

Someone's got a crush.

- What?
- Ah!

Wanda, what just happened?

- Roy wished
for Dustan Lumberlake





to perform
at his Roy Day party.

Oh, yeah.

Then Viv and Roy wished Dustan

back and forth
and back and forth.

It was hilarious,
until Vicky snuck in

and put Crocker's
mind control devices

on Ty and Rachel's heads.

- Happy to be of service,
Vicky.

And Viv was so mad at Roy.

She was all,
"You ruined my show."

But Roy was all--

- No, no, no.
You made a selfless wish

despite my warnings
and ended up with an angry mob.

- If these two don't resolve
their differences fast,





something really bad
is gonna--help!

Aw, look at us all powerless.

Hi, Vicky.

- We got those fairies
you asked for.

Crocker, did you hear that?

- I finally got a reason
to bust out of this place.

- Oh, man.
Even I don't know

what happened next.

What's that noise?

- I think it's
actually for you!

- How has the mob gotten
louder and--

and somehow more thr*at?

- You see where your precious
"selfless wishes" gets you?

- My selfless wishes
made everyone happy

until you kept selfishly
hogging Dustan Lumberlake.

You don't own him, Viv!

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna go back
into "Kung Fu Lazer Doodz."

Wanda?
Cosmo?

They're missing!

Oh, yeah.

- Whoo!
- Viv and Roy's parents,

stop your beautiful dancing
and save us!

- They can't save us.
They're under mind control.

Yeah.

Vicky, save us.

- Vicky's the one
who made them capture us!

Oh, yeah.

- The only people who can
save us now are Viv and Roy.

- Well,
then I sure hope they've

resolved their differences.

- We have not resolved
our differences!

What did you say?

- Ugh.
That mob sounds like they're

about to force right in.

- Relax.
We're surrounded

by sturdy doors.

- Breaking news.
- Ah!

- I've just broken
into your home.

- How'd you get past
our sturdy doors?

The patio was unlocked.

Clearly you missed
my special report,

A Good Idea.

And now to turn you over
to the angry mob,

prepare yourself
to be run out of town.

- Hey! No one is madder
at Viv than me.

Heck no! That's not so!

- Fair point, but you can't
run someone out of town

just 'cause you're mad.

Yes we can! Watch us, man!

- I suggest you do not try
to stop me

from opening that sturdy door.

I did local news in Antarctica.

I fought penguins
bigger than you.

Just find someplace to hide.

I'll stall the mob
for as long as I can,

even though I'm still
mad at you

and this whole thing
is your fault!

- Look who's being
selfless now.

- Oh-hoh-hoh, okay, fine.

Judy, let them in.

I was just joking!

- Get her!

- Ah--ugh.

- Viv?
Hello?

Are you alive?

If not,
can I have those overalls?

You know, the ones
that look so good on you,

but maybe
a little better on me.

Ow.

- My poor baby!
What happened?

- Got flattened
by an angry mob.

I'm so torn.

I wanna help my best friend,

but what kind
of nurse would I be

if I left the love of my life
flat on the floor?

- You're not a nurse.
We're not in love.

- You're right.
We're madly in love.

And I ain't
going nowhere, soldier.

- Okay.
Something tells me you're about

to go neck-deep
into a pretend thing.

You know me so well.

We'd have
the perfect life together

if there weren't
a w*r going on.

both:
Fairies. Fairies. Fairies.

That was the last one.

I wish that Crocker would
rent an economy-sized car

with seat warmers and take me
to Rancho Cucamonga.

- This is bad!
- I know.

If no one saves us,
we might miss the finale

of "Two and a Half Fridges"
tonight!

- If no one saves us, we'll
end up under Crocker's control.

- Ooh, and he'll never let us
watch "Two and a Half Fridges."

Oh!

both:
Fairies. Fairies.

Shut up!

Oh, oops.
My fault.

I sat on
the mind control thing.

That's better.

Now I'll have some peace
and quiet

until Crocker gets here
and tells me his secret plan.

- Why should I tell you
my secret plan

when can I sing it for you?

Crocker!

- Hug me!
- Ahp!

Singing first, then hugs.

- Okay. Let me set them
on Backup Singer Mode.

If you must.

both:

both:

both:

- Right Crockie?
- Huh?

Uh, sure, uh--
Rancho Cacapeepee.

Now back to my plan!

all:

- World domination,
here I come.

Mother!

And now for clarity's sake,
I'm going to speak my plan.

I've constructed
this mind control device...

- I know, babe.
I put it on these two.

For fairies!

I'll use these fairies here

to power up my secret portal
into the Fairy Realm.

Once there,
I'll use this device

to control all the fairies--

and after that, the world.

- But according
to your nutso-butso wall,

you can't open the door
to the Fairy World

without a kid
with Fairy Godparents.

- Hmmm, yes.
I'll need someone to go

and capture
this Vivian Turner person.

- It's funny you should mention
Viv--she's my birth daughter.

You'd all love the birth story.
We open on a desert planet.

Spice was currency--
oh, wait.

I'm talking about "Dune" again.

Oh, sh**t.

I accidentally set them
on Rambling Mode.

Well, don't do that!

Set them to Hula Mode

and dance them
the heck out of here.

Marvelous!
Their hula-ing

with no hoop to speak of.

- Vivian.
What the actual heck?

Stop hiding and let us

- What are you onion bags
doing here?

- We're looking
for Vivian Turner.

Ever heard of her?

- We have to run her
out of town.

- We heard she's nerdy
and enjoys learning,

so the mayor suggested
we search the school.

Shhh.

- Now, are you gonna help us
or not, Vicky?

- And are we going
to date or not, Dustan?

- What?
- What? Nonsense.

Now, are you going to help us
or not, Vicky?

Of course I will.

You know
how Vivian Turner's feet

are freakishly large
and smelly?

Of course we do.

- Well, every night
around this time,

she goes to Gil's
Gargantuan Shoe Garage

to find those stinky
ol' boats a home.

Stinky ol' boats?

- But Gil's Gargantuan
Shoe Garage is all the way

on the other side of town.

- And I hate
the other side of town.

- Well, if you wanna
find Vivian Turner,

you better tell your normal
size feet to get running!

Ahoy, ahoy, mob.

You're looking angry.

Everyone to their horses.

Oh, what's that?

I'm the only one with a horse?

Of course I am.

Hi-ho, Filly Eilish.

Away!

- What do you mean there's
no horse in my contract?

- They're gone.
You can come down now.

Thanks for hiding me,

but why would you want
to help me?

You can't stand me.

I know what it's like

when the whole town
is against you.

I just wanted to help.

Thanks, Vicky.

- You can hide in my classroom
if you want.

- Oh, you know,
I probably should just go--

I've got a whole stack

of "Shakespeare Illustrated"
magazines.

- Well,
"By your leave, hostess."

That was Shakespeare,
"Macbeth."

But you probably also know that

'cause you're a fellow
"Lover of the Bard"

or "Bard Babe" as I sometimes--

Hello, Vivian Turner.

Ah!

Wait, who are you?

The name is Mr. Crocker.

I knew your cousin, Timmy.

Horrid little lad!

Viv, save us!

- We're trapped
in tasteful jars!

I don't belong in a jar.

I may be green,
but I'm not a pickle!

Shakespeare.

Crocker, my love,

stop messing around.

Now that Viv is here,
make her open the magic portal

and get on
with your master plan.

- The portal's
not powered up yet.

But Cucamonga SchnitzelFest

starts tonight.

It's a fest, Vicky.

Those famously last days,
if not weeks.

The schnitzel will be there
when we get there.

- What is your master plan
anyway?

Why should I tell you

when I can sing it for you?

- Oh, no,
he's gonna sing again.

Not if we sing first.

- One week you're a girl
pulling egg creams

at the malt shop
on Main Street.

Next thing you know,
you're pulling pretty boys

out of floorboards
in the south Pacific.

But that's Roosevelt for you.

- Okay.
I can't do this pretend thing.

I got to go.

- Easy soldier.
I admire your courage,

but you no good to General
MacArthur all banged up.

- It's not World w*r Two.
I am not a soldier.

Now, help me out of here.

Ty! Mommy!

Where have you guys been?

Mommy?

Okay, has everyone lost
their doggone minds today?

Take it slow, G.I. Joe.

I think they're trying to tell
us something through dance.

Hula is speaking
with your hands.

I'm not fluent, but I was
stationed at Pearl Harbor

long enough
to get pretty conversational.

They're dancing
that Mr. Cracker escaped

from the Dimmsdale
Psychiatric Hospital

and is planning to capture Siv

to open a portal to Hairy World

to control all the hairies

with Licky?

Well, that was just
a bunch of gobbledygook.

I need to brush up on my Hula.

- What are those things
on their heads?

"Mind control device.
Property of Denzel Crocker.

Don't touch it.
I licked it."

Ewwie!

I guess it's true,
Viv's in trouble.

And that was my evil plan
in song form.

What do you think?

Well, I think if you're gonna

control all fairy magic,

you should use it
to make the world better.

- You're right, Vicky.
She is weird.

- Yeah.
She likes books.

- Ha!
Nerd.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm off to check my secret
portal to the Fairy World.

Later, nerd.

- All right.
Calm down, everybody.

- I'm here.
- Roy!

- What are you doing here,
twerp?

- Saving my sister
and my fairies.

Maybe taking down a couple
of bad teachers along the way.

No one is saving

anything here,
except for me saving room

for dinner at Rancho
Cucamonga SchnitzelFest

with my boyfriend.

Hey, Vicky?

Can I be honest with you?

Crocker doesn't seem like
he's that into you.

You don't know anything!

He once sent me
a very funny text.

Let me just--
let me just find it.

Little twerps don't know
anything about commitment.

- Okay. Crocker is
in his secret closet,

draining magic
from Wanda and Cosmo

to power up
his Fairy World portal.

And then, once it's ready,

my presence here
is gonna open it.

So I hope you have a plan.

- Would I have entered the room
dripping with this much swagu

if I didn't have
a plana cotta for dessert?

What?

Exactly.

Oh, what are you doing now?

These are my laser whips.

- Yeah,
from your stupid VR game.

Correction.

My stupid magic VR game,

And they have just enough
magic batteries left...

To knock out
a tight little plan.

- Fairly helpful,
but just FYI--

- Okay, I can't find
his funny text,

but he hearted one
of mine a year ago.

Hey, Vicky!

Eat whip.

Cha!

- Yeah, yeah, super cha.
It's just that

before Vicky put Wanda
and Cosmo in jars...

She stole their wands.

So what?

I wish I were a f*re demon!

Ah!

Oh, wow.

We should have
had a better plan.

What?

Come on, come on, come on.

Oh, Vicky!

The portal is ready
to be opened!

Bring in the gi--

Oh, well,
I guess she's close enough.

That's lucky.

- It's working.
It's working!

My foot is animated!

Oh-hoh!
Look at that vibrant tootsie!

Ah!

- Ah!

Where are we?

- Are we--

- Honestly,
I think we might be--

- Relax.

You're not d*ad.

Ah, what?

I said you're not d*ad.

And now,

welcome to my magical void.

I bet you'll never guess
who I am.

Do you ever look out
at the night sky and wonder--

- What?
You're, like, the embodiment

of magic or something?

- Yeah.
Like, you're the star that's

on the end
of every fairy's wand.

- Like the Socratic ideal
of magic.

Socratic ideal?

- This star is,
like, magic itself.

- He's source
of all Fairy Magic.

- Mm-hmm.
- Okay, smarty pants.

If you've got all the answers,

then tell me the one way
you can get out

of this void and return
to your normal circumstances.

- You have to resolve
our differences.

Just gonna say that.

You know what you two are?

Meany-mean, mean mouths.

You just do whatever you want.

I'm gonna go make a smoothie.

Oh, great.
Bad bananas.

Oh, my horoscope was right!

Today stinks.

both:
Look, I'm--

No, you go.

No, you go.

I'm sorry, Viv.

I was being selfish.

And if I'm being honest,

I got jealous.

Watching you on that show

being all generous and awesome

made me feel bad about myself.

No, I get it.

I mean, I know what
it's like to be jealous.

I had to wish
for my own talk show

where I gave stuff away
for people to like me.

And all you have
to do is be Roy.

- It's true.
I am Roy.

I do nothing.
People like me anyway.

But you shouldn't have
to do anything either.

You should just be Viv

and not give a ratatouille
what anyone thinks.

Because Viv is awesome.

Thanks, Roy.

And I'm sorry
I called you selfish.

When I got to Dimmsdale,

you were the first person
to welcome me.

And I know that Wanda

and Cosmo's magic makes
our lives better,

but when we became
brother and sister,

that's when
the real magic started.

Are you crying?

- Oh no, no, no.
It's--

it's void juice.

- Well, now I have
void juice too.

I'll let you know
when I'm done.

- All right.
Great job.

You figured it out.

You want some kind of medal,
pat on the head,

someone to tie
your little shoes

and tell you you're special?

- You're the meanest star
I've ever met!

And I currently have
three local ones

trying to run me out of town.

- Whatever.
Get out of my void.

Back for more, twerps?

- Yeah!
- Only this time,

we're gonna work together.

- And we're not gonna, like,
whip at the same time.

- So we don't get
all tangled up

and cancel each other out.

- Which I now realize
is kind of a metaphor

for how Roy and I have
been behaving lately!

- But not anymore,
'cause we've...

both:
Learned our lesson!

both: Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Hey, Vicky, grade this.

- Wait, is she--

Only one way to find out.

She good.

- Hello?
- Is anyone gonna save us?

Ooh, can it be Jason Momoa?

I don't hate that idea.

both:
Wanda and Cosmo!

- Ooh.
I can already feel

the magic coming back to us!

- Ah, reunited--
and it feels so good.

We can't breathe.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah!
- Oh! Sorry.

- Apologies.
- Sorry, that was a bad idea.

- Didn't mean to do that.
I was like ergh.

Enjoy the happiness
while it lasts.

We let Mr. Crocker
into Fairy World

with the mind control device.

- You mean this
mind control device?

How'd you get that?

When one of you laser whipped

Crocker through
the portal earlier,

it must have knocked the mind
control device out of his hand.

- Yeah.
Crocker didn't even notice.

What a dummy!
Should we bring it to him?

both: No!

Well, okay.

Gah!

That poor cat.

Does no one else worry
about it?

- So what happened to Crocker
if he got caught in Fairy World

without a fairy
mind control device?

- Well, unless he's got
a great fairy lawyer...

- He's going straight
to fairy prison!

We all laugh,
but that place is truly awful.

Today was nice.

We were trapped in jars

and almost drained
of our magic.

- Like I said,
today was a nightmare.

- Ooh! "Two and Half Fridges"
is starting.

- Mini-fridge, you took
my shelf full of fish.

What do you have
to say for yourself?

- I guess I'm
a little shelf-ish.

Hysterical!

Hey, isn't that weird

that there was a time
where we weren't a family?

- I don't even want
to think about that.

Hey, where's Zena?

She usually watches
this stuff with us.

- I wished for Zena
to be in her own

Roy-themed VR video game.

What?

- Why do the other inmates get
the nicer cells?

Because they are fairies.

This is where
the human scum stay!

Now, lights out.

I'll show them.

Someday I'll get out of here.

- I can hear your voice-over,

and no, you won't!

Fine!

Let them listen.
They'll see.

Why, I wouldn't even
harm a fairy fly.

Hello, Crocker.