08x21 - A Rockhoof and a Hard Place

Episode transcripts for the TV show "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic". Aired: October 2010 to October 2019.*
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08x21 - A Rockhoof and a Hard Place

Post by bunniefuu »

[Scottish music]

[clanging hammer]

[thud]

[aggressive grunts]

Ha ha ha ha ha!

[Scottish accent]

You're gonna have
to work faster than that

if you plan to dig up
my whole village, lass.

Let me help.

[scream]

[crash]

Er, thank you, Rockhoof.

But we're trying to carefully preserve

every bit of history here.

Aye, this place is full of memories.

Did I tell you about the time
our chieftain knocked down

five boulders with the kick of a wee ball?

Oh!
Stop that!

But that's what this is for.

Maybe in the past!

Now, it belongs in a museum!

Safe.
Preserved. Untouched.

Bah! Next you'll be saying
I shouldn't have used

the old sweat lodge.

[gasp]

[rumble and crash]

So you see why Rockhoof isn't
an ideal fit for my team.

Perhaps you could use his, uh,
unusual talents?

Of course, Professor Fossil!

We'd be honored to have a Pillar
of Equestria on our staff.

Oh! Thank Celestia.

[slam] [crunch]

Blech!

That apple's made of wood!

What a horrible trick to play!

[crash]

Has anypony seen my
decorative centerpieces?

They were right here.

Good luck!

♪ My little pony,
my little pony ♪


♪ Aaaahhh ♪

♪ My little Pony ♪

♪ I used to wonder what
friendship could be ♪


♪ My Little Pony ♪

♪ Until you all shared
its magic with me. ♪


♪ Big adventure! ♪
♪ Tons of fun ♪


♪ A beautiful heart! ♪
♪ Faithful and strong! ♪


♪ Sharing kindness ♪
♪ it's an easy feat ♪


♪ And magic makes it
all complete! ♪


♪ To have my little pony ♪

♪ Do you know you're all
my very ♪


♪ Best friends?♪

[excited conversation]

So join me in welcoming
Professor Rockhoof

to our faculty!

[cheering]

Thank you,
Thank you all.

I know I'm new to your world,

but there's one thing I learned

when I saved my village from a

rushing river of hot lava...

There's nothing you can't do
with hard work and a shovel!

[smash] [audience gasps]

[crash]

Except maybe stand on stage.

[grunt]

So, um, everycreature dismissed!

We'll... see you in class!

You think that
new pony is gonna be

the weirdest teacher at school?

Or just one of the weirdest?

Yona like new teacher!

He big, like yak!

And he smashes things like a yak.

He smells like a yak...

Yes! He perfect.

Guys, he's one of the Pillars!

He's like... Pony history!

Hello class!

[smash]

Well, Um...

I'm your new

"Theory and Defense of Friendship"
teacher.

But I haven't had a chance to look

at Headmare Twilight's notes yet.

What have you all been learning?

We just studied all about how
Princess Celestia and Luna

used a spell
to trap Discord in stone sleep

for hundreds of moons.

Oh, hohoho...

so it's a class about stories,
is it?

Stories, yeah!

And we never, ever,
ver get homework.

Good! The best way
to teach colts and fillies

is by experience.

Like the time
I was in the woods

and ran across
an Ursa Major.

Really?

We're not doing that, right?

You fight Ursa Major?

All alone?

Aye! And I defeated her too!

Now this, I'm interested in.

How Professor Rockhoof win?

Well, that's quite a tale.

From what Professor Fossil said,
it sounds like Rockhoof

just hasn't settled into modern times yet.

Our school is the perfect place for that.

Plus, we get a new teacher!

This may be
the fastest friendship problem

- you ever solved.
- [crash]

Dodge! Thrust!
Shovel Leap! Shovel Throw!

[crashing footsteps]

Shovel Whack!

Now you lot be the Ursa Major.

Lotsa growling, mind!

[growls]

Ha ha ha ha!

[laughs]

Maybe classrooms were less
breakable in the old days?

Ooh ooh ooh!
What happened next?

The huge beastie jumped
out of the moonlit mist,

her fearsome fangs
at my throat!

But I rolled clear!

[crash]

Then what?

She backed me up against a wall,
ready to pounce.

[gasp]

I looked at her...
she looked at me.

And I say...

Uh Professor Rockhoof?

Nope, guess again!

Ahem. Oops.

Sorry to interrupt.

Class, why don't we go ahead
and take lunch early today?

Rockhoof,
can we take a walk outside?

Our school is about finding
your own special way to teach.

And we can already tell you're
a smash with the class!

But maybe you could do a little
less smashing in the classroom?

Sorry about that.
I did get a bit carried away.

The students were so interested in my tale!

[shudder]

I know it's a big change,

but I think
you're gonna fit in just...

[fire roaring]

Fire!

Rockhoof, wait!

No time! The building's ablaze!

We have to get everypony out!

Professor Rockhoof best teacher ever!

Day cannot get better!

[crash]

Let's get you outside, wee ones!

Day just got better!

Ally-Oop!

Rockhoof!

What are you doing?

Saving the school!

[♪♪]

Just like fighting a volcano
in the good old days!

Would somepony kindly explain

what is the meaning of
all this water?

I'm not sure,
but I think it's "Surf's up!"

Wheeeeee! Cowabunga!

Sorry, Rarity.

But I had to put out the raging inferno!

Inferno? Where?

Did you not see
the smoke and flame?

Yeah, that was us.

Y'know, dragons?

Having a firebreathing competition?

You... what?

They do it all the time.

That's what
we were trying to tell you.

We know you're used to
being a hero, Rockhoof.

Only...
what we need here is a teacher.

One who doesn't ruin an entire
class's friendship quilts!

Do you know how hard it is to
stitch a pineapple pattern?

Oh. My deepest apologies.

I'm not used to living with dragons.

Or much else
in this modern time.

Professor Fossil made it clear

I'm not welcome back
in my old village.

Seems I don't belong here either.

Wheeee!

[Twilight] So apparently,
finding Rockhoof a new job

is a lot harder than we thought.

Has anypony had any luck?

Uh uh. Nope.

I thought you were gonna try
him out at the post office.

We did.

Do you know where I can
find Cranky Doodle Donkey?

I need to deliver his medicine!

He has a rash
in a very embarrassing place!

[shudder]
I did not need to hear that.

Yep! Rockhoof's time
as a spa masseuse

didn't work out either.

Now just let me know

- if this is too much pressure.
- [shriek of pain]

Well, at least
Rockhoof's really strong.

Maybe we could find him a
job carrying heavy stuff?

I tried that already.

Zecora needed somepony to
help her get supplies, but...

[knocking]

I know you said you only
needed a few leaves,

but I figured why not bring
you the whole thing?

[buzzing]

Oh, how horrid.

None of the other Pillars
seem to be having trouble

fitting in to the modern world.

Then maybe they can show
Rockhoof how they did it.

Get him used to livin' in this time.

Great idea!

Rockhoof's old friends
would be happy to help.

And I bet he'd love to visit them.

Hmph.

Even Canterlot looks
different from the old days.

Aw, I'm sure once you see
your ol' pal Flash Magnus,

you'll feel right at home.

Trot, , , ! Trot, , , !

Keep it lively, rookies!

Visitors on site!

Company, halt!

Rockhoof, you old ditch-digger you!

Flash Magnus, as I live and breathe!

Is this your squadron?

After we got out of limbo, I
went looking for work for a pony

with experience
in the Royal Legion.

Once a soldier,
always a soldier.

Princess Celestia was happy
to find a new drill sergeant

for her Guard!

That's great.

She really put you in a job that big...
so soon?

Oh, this is nothing.

You should see what Mistmane is up to.

They made you
the Royal Landscape Artist

for the Crystal Empire?

Wow.

Your work is beautiful.

Thank you.

I've never worked with crystal before,

but in my heart,
I know I'm where I belong.

You always could find
the beauty in things.

But there's not much demand for
shovel ponies like me nowadays.

Don't give up hope!

See Somnambula.

She'll help you find your purpose.

Somnambula's a motivational speaker.

Bet they didn't even have
those back in your time.

Because we didn't need them.

Ponies knew what to do with their lives.

Focus on my voice, and feel
yourself unlock your potential.

[deep inhale and exhale]

Imagine everything that
troubles you as one big cloud.

Now let it float away.

You are relaxed.

Free to do anything you wish.

[loud snoring]

Guess he wished he could take a nap?

[Rockhoof] Mage Meadowbrook!

Your home looks just the
same as the old days.

Wish I could say the same for mine.

Well, I've had to expand my clinic a bit.

Many creatures need healing
in this modern world.

Oh! Looks like you could use some too.

What's got you heartsick, Rockhoof?

Thing is, I can't do my old job like Flash.

Or adapt like Mistmane.

Or succeed at something
new like Somnambula.

Or go home, like you.

Give it time.

Even Starswirl's still
learning about friendship.

[Applejack] Yeah!

And I bet Stygian took
plenty of time to fit in.

[Twilight] Hey, look what I found!

"Me and My Shadow," the third hit novel

by former villain Stygian.

I'm impressed! He's really thriving!

[moan]

Rockhoof? Where are you going?

I'm not sure.

Maybe I just don't belong
in this modern world.


Now this here is a right mash of apples.

'Stead of solving Rockhoof's problem,

we made him feel even worse.

I'll tell you the real problem here!

We haven't given Rockhoof the
chance to be who he really is.

A pony with a metal shovel
and a heart of gold?

A hero!

What we need to do is find him
a job that's as epic as he is!

Hm. I might know just the thing...

I'm honored to serve in
the Hippogriff Navy,

General Seaspray.

I promise I'll prove my worth.

Think nothing of it.

I know how hard it is
to adapt to a new home.

After our many years below the waves,

land customs seemed strange.

Like you didn't fit in, no
matter how hard you tried?

As though the world had
moved on without us.

Never fear, Rockhoof.

We shall be as brothers in this
bright future above the waves.

Uh, why do the Hippogriffs need ships

if they can turn into seaponies?

Maybe they just like cruises?

General!

The fog's too thick to see
our way out of the harbor!

[rushing water]

Heave to, swabbies!

Halt the ship and hold
her till the fog passes!

Wait, General!

We can navigate the same way
my Coltic ancestors traveled

through the Selkie Mists!
We'll look to the stars!

There in the northwest sky

is the constellation for O'Bridle's Pelt!

Steer the ship toward that!

You heard the pony, crew!

Make full sail!

Yeehaw! Rockhoof did it!

[smash]

But... I don't understand!

The stars have always steered me true!

Oh, no. Stars can move slowly over time.

They must look different now
than over a thousand years ago.

It was an honor serving with you, Rockhoof.

But it seems our paths lie
in different directions.

Hey, mistakes happen.

We'll think of something
else for you to do!

Oh, there's no need, lass.

I already know
what I want to do next.

Really? What?

I heard there's a statue spell

that sends creatures into stone sleep.

I want you to cast it.

On me.

[gasp]

- [Twilight] No!
- [Rockhoof] Yes!

- No!
- Aye!

[groan]

- No!
- AYE!

Hey guys.

Need me to help you
decide something?

Rockhoof wants me to cast a spell
to turn him into a statue.

The answer is no.

Well, it should be aye, because
I wouldn't even be here

to be turned into a statue

if Twilight hadn't cast a
spell in the first place!

[stomp]

Whoa. I thought you were arguing
over ice cream flavors.

The answer is still no!

Why would you want
to be turned into stone?

Because I'm a relic of
a bygone age.

I belong in a museum.

Safe. Preserved.

Untouched.

I don't belong in this time.

It's up to you to make that right.

But there has to be a better way!

Twilight, please understand.

I want to be remembered
as the hero I was.

Not the disappointment
I've become.

But you're not!

Rockhoof, wait!

Spike, can you teach my class today?

You're not really going to
turn him to stone, are you?

Only because it's temporary.

As soon as I think of a new solution,

we'll wake Rockhoof up.

I know he has more to offer the
world as a pony than a statue.

Did you hear Rockhoof caught all
the bees in the Everfree Forest,

and gave 'em to Zecora as a gift?

Wow! Terramar said Rockhoof
called down the stars

and sunk the whole Hippogriff navy!

He's definitely weird. But in a fun way.

You never know what's gonna
happen next with him.

Professor Rockhoof best pony!

Hey, class.

Welcome to the Theory and
Defense of Friendship.

Another sub?

Let me start by telling you
we don't get homework,

and we only do field trips.

Yeah, nice try.

Twilight sent me to tell
you she won't be in today

'cause she has to cast a stone
sleep spell on Rockhoof.

[gasp]

Like Discord? But why?

Rockhoof isn't a bad guy.

Your instructions are to write an essay on

"Heroism: And What It Means To You."

No!

Oh, don't worry.

It doesn't have to be a long essay.

Maybe like this?

Or on three legs... Hmm.

What will give the wee birds
fewer places to uh, decorate?

Professor Rockhoof!

Dragon said you want to turn into stone!

Yona not believe it!

Aye, I'm afraid it's true, lass.

But... Pony need finish
Ursa Major story for class!

It's sweet of you to try
to get me to stay, Yona.

But... I'm afraid old stories like mine

aren't worth anything
in this day and age.

Fine! If Pony no want tell Yona story,

then Yona tell Pony story!

From class report!

"When Yona come to Pony
school, Yona not fit in.

Pony ways strange.

But Yona find friends!

Yona meet Professor Rockhoof.

Pony brave and strong as Yak!

Not afraid! Hero!

When Yona grow up,

Yona want to be just like
Professor Rockhoof."

Well. Since you went to the trouble

of writing something that nice, I suppose

the least I could do is tell
you the rest of the story.

Yona tell whole school Rockhoof is best.

Now all want to hear story.

Ok. I have the spell,

but will you please reconsider. Rockhoof?

The Ursa Major tried to
grab me by the gullet!

But I ducked her claws!

[gasps]

She had me cornered.

So I look at her... she looks at me.

And I say, "Sorry you won't be
having any dinner tonight, lass!

Guess you'll just have
to grin and bear it!"

[laughter]

And then I tossed her away with
my shovel, high into the sky.

And she's been a constellation
up there ever since.

Or so I'm told.

And that's the end of my story.

One more story! One more story!

No no. Thank you for listening.

But it's time to say good-bye.

Wait.

You said there wasn't anything
in this time you were good at.

What about telling stories?

It was just a tall tale...

One that captured
the hearts and imagination

of everycreature here.

Plus pony story super fun!

[cheers]

As the Princess of Friendship,
I'd like to appoint you

as Equestria's
official Keeper of Tales.

Can you do that?

[shrug sound]

[Rockhoof] I uh, that's very kind of you.

But I still think these
old bones are more suited

to a museum display.

You are a living record
of our history.

Your stories can inspire and
teach generations to come.

If you're a statue, that's all lost.

But will I ever really
belong in your world?

Rockhoof Yona's friend.

So Rockhoof belongs.

You know, that reminds
me of another story...

Once there was a small Yak that
knew more than a great hero.

Hey, don't forget
the dragons in this one!

Aye, there were dragons.

And ponies.

And plenty of hippogriffs.

Plus a changeling and a
griffon that flew...

♪ My Little Pony ♪

♪♪

♪ My Little Pony ♪

♪♪
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