10x03 - Columbo and the m*rder of a Rock Star

[bunniefuu]

They always get
that carried away or...

Didn't you when you were
that age, sir?

And that report of yours.

Let me see it. Let me see it again.

"Mondays, Wednesdays,
and Fridays at the beach house.

: to : ."

Any other times they meet?

Lady's got commitments.

You... You got the camera
out of there, didn't you?

Yes, sir. Last night.

Any more copies of this...

No, sir. No copies.

And I presume no more copies of this?

You presume correctly, Counselor.

Hugh! Open the door.

Hugh! Open this door!

Hugh, I'm warning you, open the door!

Bastard!

$ , above the estimate?
Why, Charlie?

Now, what the hell
am I supposed to tell the bank?

Glass just went up cents
a square foot, Mr. Creighton.

The prime rate went up a half a point today.
I got to renegotiate every loan I made.

I don't know what to tell you.
Look at these cost run totals.

Hi, darling. Hi, Charlie.

Afternoon, Mrs. Creighton.
What do you think of your building?

It's beautiful.

Gosh, what a beautiful view.

All right, Charlie, I'll talk to the bank,
and I'll just get back to you tomorrow.

Okay. Bye, Mrs. Creighton.

Bye, Charlie.

All right, you...
Now, what's this all about?

You throw my things out
and lock me out of my house?

That's very simple, sweetheart.
We're finished.

Done, through. It's over.

- Hugh, after four years, that's it?
- Mmm-hmm.

You decide we're finished?

You throw my things out of my house
and change the locks?

It's my house, Marcy, not yours.
Not ours. Mine.

No! It's not gonna be that easy.
You want out? Okay.

But it's gonna cost you.

Gonna cost me? What, money?

Aren't you forgetting one little thing?
We're not married.

But we've been living together
for four years as man and wife.

You heard Charlie, he calls me Mrs. Creighton.
Everyone does. The servants. Everyone.

Well, the fact is, though,
you're not Mrs. Creighton.

I'll tell you what you are.

You're a has-been rock star
who used to be Hugh Creighton's mistress.

That's what you are.

Sweetheart...

Be careful there, honey.

You fall off this building,
somebody might think it wasn't an accident.

I can see the headlines right now.
"Famous lawyer kills mistress."

That's not real good for business.
Be careful, all right?

You want headlines?
I'll give you a headline.

"Marcy tells how America's
most famous lawyer buys cops,

judges, witnesses and prosecutors."

- You little tramp!
- It'll be your word against mine.

And who do you think they'll believe?

The shyster lawyer...

or sweet, little me?

How much do you want?

The same as I'd get as your wife.

I figure you've made about million
since we've been living together.

Half of that's five million.
And I want it now. In cash.

Marcy, I don't have
five million dollars in cash.

Every cent I've got is tied up
in this building. You know that.

So, sell it. I'll give you two months.

Until then, we'll continue living
exactly as we have been.

Now, may I have
the keys to the house, darling?

Morning, Ando.

Beautiful day, huh?

You're in the paper again today.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

It's a nice picture. Come, take a look.

- Nice picture, eh?
- Mmm-hmm.

As opposed to what?

It's a big article.
You've got three columns.

Hmm.

- Not bad, huh?
- Yeah.

Want a refill?

Sure.

So, how come you're being
so sweet this morning?

Well, guilt, I think.

Yeah, it's guilt.

I've been worried about the trial
and the cost overruns on the building,

and I...

I guess I took it out on you, and that's...

That's not right.
Oh, you know what else?

No. What?

I love you.

I do.

You going to the beach today?

Yeah.

What time are you coming back?

About : . Same as usual.

- Same as usual?
- Mmm-hmm.

Okay, I'll tell you what.
Why don't I meet you back here at : ,

I'll take you out to dinner.
Someplace not unromantic.

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

I'm coming!

Lemon.

Champ Du Bois.

The caviar.

Bang.

Bang.

Whoa! Does this taste
all right to you?

Yeah. What's wrong?

Nothing. I just don't feel like
having champagne today. Here.

Mmm, that's good.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm feeling... Feeling dizzy.

I think I'm gonna pass out.

It's too much champagne too fast, hon.

Hey.

Hope I'm not disturbing you lovebirds.

No, you don't hurt him.

Hey, Marcy.

Wake up, babe.

It's late.

Hey, Marce.

Hey, you, you!

What?

How much did you pay for that?

- For this?
- Yeah.

, list.

?

?

Yeah, well, I mean,
you could get it cheaper, I suppose.

How?

You shop around, in discount stores.

Dodi's Discount store, man.
Dodi's is the best. Lowest prices in town.

My wife's nephew's birthday is coming up.

- Yeah?
- He's been dropping hints, you know.

, list. What does list mean?

I don't know.
Let's go around here, Lieutenant.

Dodi's.

Better keep everybody out of here
until the lab finds out...

who those footprints belong to.

Oh, it's okay, Lieutenant.

Sergeant Habach's already identified them
as the cleaning lady's.

- The cleaning lady?
- Yes, sir.

Yeah, look the way that's raked.
It's got that herringbone on either side...

and some kind of mish-mush in the middle.

I think it's better
if we go in the front way.

Whatever you say, Lieutenant.

All right, we need to clear a path
for the lieutenant here, please.

- How was she k*lled, Lieutenant?
- Are there any suspects?

Out of the way, people.

I just got here.

Out of the way!

You're here at : every morning?

- Excuse me.
- Thank you.

Morning, Lieutenant.

Good morning, Sergeant.
What do you have?

Well, the housekeeper found the body
at : this morning,

a few minutes after she arrived.
The victim's in the bedroom.

Her name is Marcy Edwards.

- Upstairs?
- Upstairs.

Celebrity?

Used to be. Ex-rock and roll singer.
She was kind of famous for a while.

What've you got, George?

Looks like the lady and a friend
were having a party.

The way I figure, the lady changed her mind,
the guy got persistent,

and next thing, his fingers are on her throat.
End of party.

Oh, they're big.
The guy must have had big hands.

Okay, have the lab boys
check these for prints.

They look too smudged for an ID.

Too smudged?

Yeah, you could be right.

What's her name? Marcy Edwards?

Yeah.

Did she sing a song,
Closer, Closer, Your Lips to Mine?

I don't know.

"Make Love to Me One More Time"?

I don't know. Those are her albums
on the wall.

I think that she was my nephew's
favorite singer.

Mmm.

He used to play that song
over and over again. I think she's the one.

What am I bothering with this for now?
Something's wrong with me, George.

Okay. Any idea when this happened?

My best guesstimate is yesterday afternoon.
Somewhere around : or : .

Yesterday afternoon,
somewhere around : or : .

Uh, yesterday was Wednesday?

Yeah.

They look good.

They don't come any better.
Both bottles.

Right.

- What are you looking for, Lieutenant?
- The corks.

And that little metal thing
that you find on champagne bottles.

No, the bottles were opened
in the kitchen, sir.

How do you know that?

Well, that's where we found
the foil and the corks.

In the kitchen?

In the kitchen.

Both corks?

Both corks.

What is it, Lieutenant?
What's bothering you?

I don't know why they opened
both bottles in the kitchen.

One, I can understand.
They open a bottle, they fill their glasses,

they make a toast, they grab the bottle
and they take it to the bedroom.

But after they finished the first bottle,

why did they both come back to the kitchen
to open the second bottle?

Who says they did?
One of them comes back to the kitchen,

opens the second bottle,
takes it back to the bedroom...

I don't think that's the way people do it,
because this is a romantic situation and...

sex in the air. And...

two people who are
drinking champagne together,

and they want to open a bottle together.
They want to share the pop, and the spritz.

That's what champagne is all about.
Pop and spritz.

Why else do you drink champagne
if not for the pop and the spritz?

Jerry, would you take a picture of
these corks and the foil?

Sure.

- Excuse me.
- Mmm-hmm.

What do you think
a thing like this costs?

Costs?

I don't know. Looks like a good one.
Four or five hundred.

Four, five hundred.
Wow, these things, they go high.

You want eight-by-tens, Lieutenant?

That'll be fine, Jerry.

You ever hear of Dodi's Discount?

No, I don't think so.

I got to check them.
I hear they got good prices.

You got a handkerchief?

Uh, sure.

Here you go, Lieutenant.

Have the lab check these.

But when they're through,
get 'em back to me.

Okay.

Mind telling me what you
expect the lab to find, Lieutenant?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe nothing.

Oh, Lieutenant, I found this...

"In case of emergency, notify" card
in Marcy's purse.

I think it'd be better
if you made this call.

Why me?

I'm just a sergeant.

I figure someone higher than me should
break the news to a guy like this.

"Hugh Creighton."

The lawyer that never
lost a m*rder case?

That Hugh Creighton?

He's the one.

The prosecution has proved beyond
a reasonable doubt that the defendant...

cold-bloodedly planned and
ruthlessly m*rder*d his mother,

plunging a butcher Kn*fe into her body,

not once, not twice,

not three times or four times,

not five times, not seven times,
or nine times...

I'll wait.

Sorry, Your Honor.

My apologies to the court, please.

And I apologize
to the counselor there, too.

I hope I didn't break your rhythm.
I think you left off at nine times.

That's enough, Mr. Creighton.

Well, I just assumed
he was going all the way up to .

I said enough.

Continue, Counselor.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Don't let my celebrated
colleague's theatrics...

distract you from the one
inescapable fact of this case.

The fact that the defendant's
fingerprints were found on this Kn*fe.

The Kn*fe he plunged into the woman
who gave him life.

Not nine times or eleven times,

but times,

into his own mother.

The prosecution rests, Your Honor.

Mr. Creighton?

Thank you, Your Honor.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I'd like for you to take a look
at this young man.

Look into his eyes.
Are those the eyes of a m*rder*r?

Look very closely, please.

You know, they say the eyes are
the mirror of the soul.

Are you looking into the soul
of a m*rder*r?

No.

Those are the eyes of a loving son.

A son who, when his father d*ed,
devoted his life to his mother.

A son who denied
himself friendships...

and the pleasures of youth...

to be close to his mother,

a very lonely woman whose
only happiness in life...

was her son.

A son who attended to her every need.

A son who spared her
the drudgeries of everyday life,

who was her constant companion,

who brightened her life
with little gifts,

the most precious of which
was his love for his mom.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, today,

this young man's life is in your hands.
And the Lord's.

And I know that the Lord
has looked into his soul,

and I hope that He will
guide you today...

and your solemn deliberations.

If you listen to His voice,
as I have, by the way,

you will know...

I'm sorry to interrupt you,
Mr. Creighton,

but I'm adjourning this court
until tomorrow morning at : .

Well, is there a reason...

The reason for adjournment
will become clear...

after you've talked
to the gentleman over there.

Court adjourned until
tomorrow morning at : .

All rise.

Excuse me, who the hell is that?

I don't know. What's going on?

Excuse me.

I'm Lieutenant Columbo.
I'm from the police.

Yes?

From Homicide.

Yes?

Is there someplace private
that we could go?

Here. Come in here.

Now, what's this all about,
Columbus?

Well, not Columbus, sir, Columbo.

Columbo, what the hell is this?

Uh, it's about a Miss Marcy Edwards.

What about her?

Uh, you were a good friend
of hers, weren't you, sir?

- Will you please get to the point?
- A close friend?

- We live together, yeah.
- Uh-huh.

Was that at
Pacific Coast Highway?

That's my beach house.
We live in Bel Air.

Uh-huh. When was the last time
that you saw Miss Edwards?

Whoa, wait a minute. No more questions.
Now, what's this all about?

I'm sorry, sir,
but Miss Edwards is dead.

What are you talking about?

She was m*rder*d.

Where? I mean, by whom?

At the beach house.
We don't know who did it yet.

What's wrong?

What happened?

What is it? What's wrong?

Are you a friend of
Mr. Creighton's, ma'am?

Yes, I'm his associate.

Trish, Marcy's...
Marcy's been m*rder*d.

Oh, my God, Hugh.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

When?

I don't know, I don't know.

When did it happen?

Yesterday, between : and : p.m.

Oh, Jesus.

Sir, I know that
this is a bad time, but...

I'm gonna have to ask you to come
and identify the body.

Oh, God.

That hasn't already been done?

Uh, no, sir, not officially.

Well, I just pray to God
it's not Marcy.

Oh, God.

That's Marcy.

Wait a minute.

I want to look at her.

Death by strangulation?

She was strangled, but the cause
of death was a broken neck.

God.

Neck's broken.

Any signs of a struggle?

No.

Nails are intact.

Uh-huh.

No v*olence, huh?

Any signs of a...

sexual as*ault or...

- No.
- Yeah.

Well...

Mr. Creighton, your knowledge of
forensic medicine is very impressive.

Lieutenant, I want to see the autopsy report.

Oh, sir, you don't want to see
an autopsy report on a loved one.

That's precisely why I wanna see it.

I understand, sir, but it's not...

No buts. I want to see that report.

I'm sorry, sir, but it's regulation.

Lieutenant, you and I
break regulations every day.

I wanna see the autopsy.
I wanna see everything.

This is not just another case.

This is somebody I care about.
You understand that?

I'm sorry, sir.

Do you know who I am?

Yes, sir.

And you still refuse?

I can't.

We'll see about that.

Come in.

Hey, Trish.

You wanted to talk to me?

I've been thinking about Marcy.

Yeah.

So have I.

Hmm.

You knew, didn't you, Hugh?

Hmm?

You knew she was having an affair?

Oh, no, no, no.

If I had, I could've maybe
prevented what happened.

You're not telling me everything.

What do you mean?

You can tell me.

You knew, didn't you?

Yeah.

And it hurt you, didn't it?

Yes, it did.

Sure it did.

Did you k*ll her?

What?

You k*lled her, didn't you?

What are you talking about?

You k*lled her.
And you used me to help you.

Are you out of your mind?

Ever since you borrowed my car and
sent me on that research assignment,

I've been trying to figure out why.
Now I know why.

So, what are you
going to do about it?

Do? What can I do?

If I go to the police, I can be charged
as an accessory before the fact.

- So, you're not going to do anything.
- I didn't say that.

What I'm going to do is trust
that you'll give me that partnership...

you've been promising me
for the past three years.

Fine, fine,
but that's next year.

No. Start of business
tomorrow morning.

Look, Trish, I mean,
in deference to Marcy,

don't you think we should wait...

till after the funeral,
a couple of months?

Not for the partnership.

I can wait six months
for us to get married.

Married?

It's for your own protection, Hugh.

As your wife, I can't be forced
to testify against you.

It's the best insurance you could have.

I have insurance,
you should have some, too.

What insurance do you have?

Life insurance.

If I should fall out an office window,

have a sudden heart att*ck,
get bit by a rabid dog,

an envelope like this one would
turn up on all sorts of desks,

including Lieutenant Columbo's.

Do we have a deal, partner?

Well, yeah.

Good.

The chief will see you now, Lieutenant.

What have you got on the rock singer case?

Well, it's a little early, Chief...

I got a call from Creighton this morning.

He's an old friend of mine.
And an old friend of the mayor's.

You do know who Hugh Creighton is,
don't you, Columbo?

Yes, sir, I do.

And do you know he's one of the most
famous criminal attorneys in America?

Yes, sir.

And you know he's tried more m*rder cases
than any lawyer in the country?

Yes, sir.

And you know he's never lost a case.
Not one.

Yes, sir.

You know he has a legitimate interest
in this particular case, don't you?

I do, sir. Yes.

Then, when he offered to help you solve it,
why in the hell did you refuse his help?

I didn't refuse his help...

Good, good. Glad to hear it.

Creighton's expecting you for dinner
at : at the Darrow Club.

And be sure to bring
all the case files. Understand?

Yes, sir.

Good.

Oh, Columbo, I'll give you a little tip.
The Darrow Club has the best steaks in town.

New York's. An inch and a half thick.

New York steaks?

New York's.

Well, that sounds good.

Ah, Lieutenant, how are you?

Very well, sir.

Good, good. Sit down, please.

Well, it's very good of you
to come over.

Well, it was very nice of you
to ask me, sir.

My pleasure.

Are you ready to order, Mr. Creighton?

I... I think... Why don't you
take a look there, Lieutenant?

I think I'm ready, Carl. I think I'm just
gonna go with the soup today, Carl.

Why don't we make it chicken noodle?

Very good, sir.

You're just having soup, sir?

Yes, yeah. I think so.

I haven't had much of an appetite
these last few days.

But you go ahead. Have...

Well, I'm not too hungry myself.
So, let's see... What can I have here?

Uh, how is that steak, that New York?

That's the specialty of the house, sir.
We're famous for it.

Well, I'll have that. Medium rare.

And some asparagus with
hollandaise sauce and roast potatoes.

Yes.

Maybe, to start with, a shrimp cocktail.

And some kind of a salad.

Carl, why don't you bring him a Caesar?
You like the Caesar salad?

Caesar salad, I'll have that.
All right.

That sweet corn there, is that fresh?

Yes, sir. It's fresh.

Oh, I'll have a piece of corn.

Very good, sir.

So...

I assume that is the report.

Oh, yes, sir. There it is.

Thank you very much.

And that autopsy report...

It's in there, sir.

Ah, good.

Good.

From this report, I think it's obvious
what happened.

Marcy met somebody on the beach,
invited him in for champagne and caviar.

After that second bottle of champagne,
he made advances,

she resisted,

it got out of hand, and...

he strangled her.

I just can't believe it.

Oh.

I still can't believe it.

Well, I don't think that
she met him on the beach, sir.

What's your theory?

Well, I don't have a theory yet,
but it looks like she knew who k*lled her.

And she knew him very well.

Why do you say that?

Well, because of the statements
in the reports, sir,

from the neighbors and all the guys
playing volleyball on the beach.

It just seems that Miss Edwards was
seeing the same man...

on a very regular basis.

Well, I just happen to find that
very hard to believe.

Well, it's all in the report, sir.

There were three neighbors and
any number of volleyball players.

And they all remembered seeing her car
and a motorcycle in the driveway...

at the same time on several Mondays,
Wednesdays and Fridays.

Are you telling me that Marcy was
having an affair with another man?

Well, sir...

There's nothing in this report...

that indicates she had sexual relations
before she d*ed.

No, sir...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
That's a little tough to take, okay?

That's a little tough to take.

- I don't want to hear it.
- Well, let's just drop it, sir.

Why don't we do that?

There is something in the file there
that's bothering me.

Maybe you can help me with this?

Sure.

You'll notice that in the autopsy report,

there was no alcohol
in Mrs. Edwards' bloodstream.

Obviously, she didn't feel like drinking.

But we found two empty champagne bottles,
and two empty glasses, sir.

Could that have been the disulfiram?

Disulfiram? What...

Well, it's there in the autopsy report.

They found traces of disulfiram in her bloodstream.

But that's a pill that people with a drinking
problem take when they don't wanna drink.

So, you can see my problem...

Well, I think I might be able to
help you out with that puzzle.

This is only conjecture, mind you, but,

you see, I, from time to time,
have a little drinking problem myself...

and I happen to take a little disulfiram.

Marcy, on the other hand, was a vitamin nut.
Used to take 'em by the handful.

And it's just an off chance
she took one of my pills by mistake.

Oh, I see, yeah. Yeah, that could explain it.

What about this champagne bottle,
the fingerprints here,

did you find out whose they are?

Well, we've sent them off to the FBI, sir,

and if this person was ever in the service
or any trouble with the law, we're gonna get him.

Well, I have to say,
it is an excellent report.

Excellent.

Oh, thank you very much.

When you do arrest this man,
please do everything by the book.

I would hate to see Marcy's m*rder*r get off
because of some stupid mistake.

And so would I, sir.

Yeah?

Lieutenant Columbo, ma'am.
I'm from Homicide.

Yeah?

Do you mind if I come in, look around?

Ah, wipe your feet.

Yes, ma'am.

And I'll just leave
the umbrella out here.

I should hope so.

All right. There we are.

Hey,

don't make a mess.

All right.

What are you looking for?

A cork, ma'am. Like this one.

No cork.

No cork.

Could there be a cork
in the garbage can outside?

They're empty.

You're sure?

The trash man came yesterday.

Could you have put something
in the garbage can this morning?

No.

Could I see?

Man! I'm glad I ain't married to you.

You don't trust nobody, do you?

Well, it's not that, ma'am, it's a habit.
I like to see things with my own eyes.

That right.

See?

Was the gardener here Wednesday?
The day Miss Edwards d*ed?

No. He only comes on Tuesday afternoons
and Friday mornings.

So, he was here today?

And those are your footprints.

But when I first saw that herringbone pattern,
somebody had raked some mish-mash over it.

But you said the gardener
wasn't here that day.

Do you know his name?

No. It's, uh, Japanese.
And he comes real early. Before me.

Hey! You, uh, satisfied these are empty
or are you going to come back again?

Uh, no, they're empty, ma'am. I saw them.

Huh. Well, don't mention it.

"Closer, Closer, Your Lips to Mine."
She's the one.

He's in here.

Police person looking for you.

Oh, Lieutenant!
We got a make on those fingerprints.

He's been in trouble with women before.

Do you have an address on him?

Uh, not yet. We got an APB out.

Good. Listen,

see if you can find Miss Edwards' gardener.
Comes Tuesdays and Fridays.

Maybe he works for somebody
else in the neighborhood.

Sir! There must be dozens of gardeners in Malibu.
Anything special about this one?

He's Japanese.

The Matisse with the peach
background on this wall...

Matisse. Peach.

The Picasso on that wall.

Picasso... Yes, ma'am,
you did mention that.

Uh, what about this
beautiful bronze Indian?

- Gone.
- Gone?

Gone as a matter of fact.
All Indians, all buffaloes,

all cowboys in this room...

and any other room, including
Mr. Creighton's bathroom, bye-bye.

Bye-bye, all cowboys and Indians.

Which reminds me,
where are the plans to my bathroom?

- Uh, Philip...
- I have the floor plans out here.

- Good, good, good, good, good.
- Uh, Nigel...

Oh! Is this beautiful!
How much is it?

- I'm not sure. What...
- Never mind, I want it.

I want it. Let's make drapes
with this fabric for this room.

And, Nigel, the same decor
in here as in my office.

Oh, hi, Lieutenant.

- Congratulations!
- Thank you.

You know, I saw the sign,
Creighton and Fairbanks,

I assumed it was you.

It is me and it's very exciting.
Now, where was I? The bathroom.

We're going to have to knock down a wall.

A wall? And for what reason,
may I ask, ma'am?

- The Jacuzzi.
- Jacuzzi?

Yeah, Mr. Creighton loves a Jacuzzi.

But isn't this your bathroom, ma'am?

He'll have to wait.
Mr. Creighton loves to wait.

Uh, ma'am, do you think
I could see Mr. Creighton?

Sure. Judy, ring Hugh,
tell him the lieutenant is here.

Nigel, lots of fresh
flowers and plants.

Lieutenant Columbo...

to see you, Mr. Creighton.

Uh, yeah, send him in, please.

Hi, how are you, Lieutenant?

Uh, fine, sir.

What can I do for you today?

Uh, well, sir, I thought you'd like to know.
We matched up those fingerprints with the suspect.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah, sir.

Excellent.

Yeah.

- Excellent.
- Is that...

It is, isn't it?

What?

Oh, that's champagne.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, boy, that looks like a fine collection
for a fellow who doesn't drink much anymore.

You're a wine connoisseur, are you?

Well, I wouldn't say that, sir.
But these are all vintage wines.

Do you mind if I look?

Oh, no, go right ahead.

Oh, yeah, these are six years old.

- That is ...
- Lieutenant, uh...

Have you picked him up yet,
this, uh, Neddy Malcolm?

No, sir, but we will.

Did Miss Edwards know
anybody by that name?

Yeah, I was just thinking.
Ned Malcolm, that sounds...

Neddy Malcolm.

Lieutenant, wait a minute.

This character used to play the drums.
This was Marcy's drummer.

He was... But I don't think
she's seen him for years.

Well, those are Malcolm's
fingerprints, sir.

- There's no question about that...
- Well, I mean, Lieutenant...

I mean, if this is who I think it is,
this is one bad apple.

He's done it all. I mean everything,
booze, dope, women...

Well, he's got five assaults
involving the women.

Well, yeah.

He got an attempted r*pe here,
three years ago.

- That charge was dropped.
- And dropped the damn charges.

- Well, not this time.
- No, sir.

- Not this time.
- No, sir. No.

I'll tell you what, Lieutenant.
I'm going to give you my card.

This has got my home, my service,
and the car, everything on there.

As soon as you hear anything at all,
will you call me?

- Yes, sir. I will, sir.
- Will you do that?

Now, can I keep this?

Oh, that's yours, sir. You keep that.

Yeah, well, this is excellent. Really.

Oh, sir, I know that
this is none of my business, but...

your new partner, she doesn't plan
to redo this office, too, does she?

'Cause I like it. I like it just...
Just the way it is.

I hear you.

- Good day, sir.
- Thanks, Lieutenant.

Uh, sir, uh... Take a minute.

Out at your beach house,
there by the kitchen,

you have a radio cassette player?

Yeah.

Would you ever consider
selling that to someone?

No.

Great office, sir.

He was seen going into Apartment .
D. Glinski.

Who is it?

Police!

Okay, just a minute.

Excuse me, sir.

Look, Mom!

Here you go, Sam.

- Thank you.
- Take it easy.

What will it be, sport?

I'm looking for Darlene Glinski.

Why?

You don't want to know.

What, are you a cop or something?

Something.

That's Darlene, there.

That's Darlene?

That's Darlene.

You wanna talk to her, just go through
the door over there and down the stairs.

Watch your step, it's dark down there.

- Another grasshopper, Mike.
- Sure.

- Hi!
- Hi.

Darlene Glinski?

Yeah?

How you doing?

What do you want, mister?

I'm lookin' for Neddy Malcolm.

Oh, I don't know any Neddy Malcolm.

Oh, okay.

Well, just in case you run into him,
tell him that a friend of...

Johnny Fewhairs is lookin' for him,

wants to give him the money
that Johnny owes him.

Oh, tell him I'll be back in town
around the Super Bowl.

I'll look him up then.

Uh, wait.

You might find Neddy
at the LA Rock Box.

At the LA Rock Box?

Yeah. Ask for Little Richard.

Ask for Little Richard.

Hey, Rich! Hey, you got a minute?

Who are you?

Uh, I'm looking for Neddy.
I'm supposed to meet him here.

Haven't seen him in , weeks.
But I'll put the word out.

You know, Ned is a good drummer,

when he's behaving himself,
if you know what I mean.

I do, yeah.

What do you want with him?

I've got some money for him.

- Money?
- Yeah, it ain't from me.

It's from the fella I work for,
Johnny Fewhairs.

- No, kidding?
- Yeah.

First time I ever heard of anyone
wanting to give Neddy some money...

of their own free will.

Well, Johnny, you know,
Mr. Fewhairs, he's a man of his word.

Sounds like he's a man
of many, many words to me.

Too many.

- Rich!
- Yeah?

Is that you?

Yeah, who's that?

It's me.

Oh! Hey, man! Where you been?

You know I've been
trying to reach you.

You don't call back or nothin'.
How you doin'?

- I'm doing good.
- I really miss you.

I miss you, man.

Hi!

Hi!

I got to get me a new drummer.

The dude I got can't even keep a b*at.
Do you want to go to Chicago with us?

- Chicago?
- Yeah.

Yeah. When?

Tomorrow night.

You got a deal.

Great.

This man got money for you.

He got it from Johnny Fewhairs.
Is he really bald?

For me?

He must be a bald-headed man
with a name like that.

- You got some money for me?
- Johnny Fewhairs?

I'm afraid not, son.

Is that his nickname?

Oh, no.

I don't have any cuffs with me.
Am I going to need them?

Hey! What's happening here?

No, no, no, no.

Oh, man.

I didn't k*ll her.

You claim you love this woman?

Yeah, we were in love.
Whatever that means.

I don't think you know what love is.
If you were so much in love,

how come you only saw her
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

Marcy had a good thing
going with Creighton.

Money, cars, jewels, whatever she wanted.
She didn't want to blow it...

until she'd worked out
the financial arrangements with him.

Oh, she wanted money from him?

They've been going together five years
and he was going to dump her.

Did Creighton know about you two?

I don't know.

But if he'd wanted to know, it wouldn't
have been hard for him to find out.

Did you k*ll her?

I don't know what happened, Lieutenant.

I blacked out.

When I came to, Marcy was dead.

That's all I know.

Yeah?

Sam Marlowe?

I charge $ an hour.

?

minimum for domestic cases.
Fill that out. You need a pen?

I'm afraid you have it wrong, sir.

I'm not having any trouble
with my wife. Heaven forbid.

Well, then what
do you want, Mister, uh...

Columbo.

Lieutenant Columbo. LAPD.

Oh, yeah. Yeah!
I knew I'd seen you somewhere before.

You're handling that, uh,
rock singer's m*rder, aren't you?

I saw you on TV.

So, uh, why are you knocking
on Sam Marlowe's door?

I understand that you're
Mr. Hugh Creighton's private investigator?

Handle all his cases, do you?

Lieutenant, you know
I can't reveal clients' names.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, well, I can understand that.

Here's my problem.
I'm working on a homicide case,

and I would appreciate
all the help I could get.

Yeah.

Sorry, Lieutenant. Professional ethics.

Ethics are important. No question about that.

Yeah, they sure are.

Lieutenant, that's private.

Uh-huh.

How come all those Mondays, Wednesdays
and Friday afternoons are blank?

Am I going to have to take
this camera down to the lab...

to see if this white paint
on this lens...

is the same as the white paint
on the air duct in Ms. Edwards' bedroom?

Or are you going to answer my questions?

Oh, Lieutenant, not now,
I'm in a hurry. Sorry.

- Yeah, I've got an appointment.
- No, no problem, sir.

I just dropped by to tell you that
we found Neddy Malcolm.

Great! That's great!
You read him his rights before, uh...

Oh, yes, sir. Oh, yeah, we did that.

- And?
- And, what, sir?

Well, don't be naïve. Did he confess?

Uh, no, sir. No, he didn't.
Frankly, sir, I don't think he did it.

Oh, Lieutenant.

Why don't you come...
Can you come with me? Come on, get in!

Hurry up. Come in.

Those are Malcolm's fingerprints, right?

Yes, sir.

Well, that puts him at the scene
of the crime, right, Lieutenant?

Oh, well, he admits that he was there, sir.

He was there but he didn't do it?

Well, he passed out, you see.

He had two, three glasses of champagne,
and he blacked out.

When he came to,
there she was. He panicked and ran.

And you believe him?

Watch the cars!

You believe him?

I think so. I don't think he did it.

You think you believe him?
He admits he was there.

He's had trouble in the past with women
and you don't think he did it?

I don't think he did it.

Should I wait here?

No, no, come with me. It'll take about
five minutes to send my client down.

Hi, Trish, how are you?
You know the lieutenant, right?

Oh! I didn't realize you were involved
in this case, too, Lieutenant.

Oh, no, ma'am, uh, the other case.

Now, they've picked up Neddy Malcolm,
did you hear that? But...

the lieutenant here thinks
they've got the wrong man, right?

Why's that?

Well, the problem is,
those finger marks on his neck,

they were very big. I saw them.
And it turns out the guy was wearing gloves.

Yeah?

Big work gloves.

Work gloves?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

Yeah, and the marks on
the neck were glove marks.

But the marks on the champagne bottle
were his fingerprints. So, it don't add up.

Why would a fellow be so careful to put on gloves
when he strangled the victim,

and then he's going to leave his fingerprints
all over the champagne bottles.

Oh, Lieutenant, please,
you know better than that.

This place is full of people
who make stupid mistakes like that.

It's just a stupid mistake.

Yeah, yeah, that could happen.

Uh, there's something else
that's been bothering me, sir.

What's that?

I don't know why you told me that you didn't know
that Ms. Edwards was seeing Neddy Malcolm...

when you knew it all the time.

Sam Marlowe, your private investigator.
He had a camera up there in the beach house.

Why did you tell me you didn't know?

Well, it's, uh... I mean,
you're right, I should have.

It's just... It wasn't easy to admit
that she was having an affair...

with the likes of that Neddy Malcolm. And...

- I don't know. It's just tough.
- I see.

Hey, Billy, how you doing?

You are in my seat.

Oh,

I'm sorry.

- Lieutenant, good to see you.
- I won't take up any more of your time.

Bye-bye.

- Ma'am.
- Bye.

Lieutenant.

I've got good news and bad news.
Which do you want first?

Oh, give me the bad news first.

Well, I checked with all the neighbors,
and no one saw Creighton or his car...

anywhere near the beach house
the day she was k*lled.

What's the good news?

I found the gardener.

A thank you would be nice.

Thank you!

Uh-uh.

No, no, no, no, no.
Please, please, no touch.

Uh, I'm from the police.

LAPD.

Is your name Andy Miaki?

Ando Miaki.

- Ando Miaki?
- Ando.

- Gardener?
- Gardener.

Mrs. Creighton gardener?

Creighton gardener.

And you work for her on Wednesday...

Mrs. Creighton, Tuesdays, Fridays.

You're sure.

Tuesdays, Fridays.

See, Tuesdays, Fridays, Mrs. Creighton.

Uh-huh. No Wednesday?

Wednesday work Rockingham.
That was day truck move.

Truck move?

Your truck moved?

Move two blocks to long street of trees
that rains berries.

Street that rains berries?

Oh!

Your truck was on Rockingham,

and it moved two blocks to a street
that has these berries.

Oh, where's that street?

La Mesa?

Okay, excuse me.

I'm gonna have to check your truck
for fingerprints.

Gonna check your truck. Fingerprints.

Fingerprints.

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

That's right. All right.

So, what can I do for you today, Lieutenant?

Uh, well, sir, what I want to do is
cut right to the heart of this thing.

Uh, ooh! Do you mind, sir?

No, not at all.

Uh, you know, Neddy blacked out,

and if it wasn't from the champagne,
it had to be from something.

And I'm saying it was from a knockout drug.

Oh, but there was nothing
in the lab report that said...

there was a knockout drug
in the bottles or the glasses, right?

Well, all they had to do was
empty the bottle and the glasses...

and wash them out.
I mean, that's simple, sir.

No, but then there would not have been
champagne in the bottles or glasses,

and the fact is, there was.

Well, that's because the perpetrator,
he took a second bottle of champagne, sir,

and he poured it into
the first bottle and the glass.

I mean, the man's not a dope.

You see, for me, sir, the real question is,

how does someone administer
a knockout drug, Mr. Creighton?

I don't have the slightest idea.

Well, I'm going to say he used a syringe,

and he injected it through the cork
into the champagne bottle.

Uh... Is that possible?

Oh, yeah, they can do that, sir.

Yeah?

But then, you have to get rid of the cork
because of the needle mark,

which he did.

Now, these are the two bottles
that we found at the scene of the crime.

- Are you with me, sir?
- Well, I guess. I think so.

Well, sir, look at the label.

And just above the name "Champ Du Bois,"
there's one little star. Right?

Yes, one star.

- Both bottles.
- Mmm-hmm.

And I checked the liquor store where
Ms. Edwards bought all her alcohol.

And that's the only kind of
champagne she ever bought.

Champ Du Bois. One star.

Which is a lot cheaper
than the vintage champagne.

The two-star. Is that right, sir?

Well, it's a lot cheaper, yeah.

Which brings me to the corks.

The corks.

Yes, sir.

They use one star for the cheap one,

and two stars for the good stuff.

I'll bet you never
noticed that, did you, sir?

Hmm.

Well, here, let me show you.

This is . That was a good year.

This cost me $ .

I'm well aware of that.

I just hope the captain will okay it
on my expense account.

You see that?

Two stars.

Yup.

And two stars on the label.

You got it.

Which is just like,
if I remember correctly, uh...

I think I do.

Oh, I've looked at that very closely.

All the labels on your bottles, two stars.

Well, now, are you implying that
that bottle came from my stock?

Well, sir, I don't think
I could rule that out.

You're also implying that maybe I...
Maybe I had something to do with it?

Uh, yes, sir, I think
that's a real possibility.

Mmm-hmm.

Well, I'll tell you what, Lieutenant.

Why don't... Why don't you take your corks
and get the hell out of here?

Ooh!

You've done it now.

What did I do?

I don't know. All I know is that
I got a call from the DA.

No deputies. The DA himself called.

He told me to
get up to his office and...

bring that bleeping bleeping cop
with me. Meaning you.

Oh, Everett.

I've studied the case file.
He's got enough to indict.

He's got fingerprints
that place the suspect...

at the scene of the crime
at the time of the m*rder.

A suspect...

A suspect previously
charged with sex crimes.

A suspect who admits that he was there,
but he claims he doesn't remember what happened.

He might've k*lled her, he might not have.

Does the lieutenant
here believe he did it?

No.

He thinks I did it. Why?

Because I had a private investigator...

confirm that the woman that I loved
was having an affair...

with another man
and I chose not to reveal the...

sordid details of that
investigation to the police.

What else have you...
Oh, corks. Champagne corks.

Right?

Corks with one star, two stars.

He's got a cork from a bottle
of champagne that he paid $ for,

with taxpayer's money.

And why did he do that?

Because he saw a similar bottle
in my wine vault.

Now, you want to tell that to a jury,
go ahead. Go ahead and indict me.

Let's just see what happens
when my colleague from Idaho here,

and my partner get the lieutenant
on the stand...

with his corks and his $
bottle of champagne.

All right, Hugh, you got anything else?
Lieutenant? Anything at all?

Just little things.
A lot of little things.

Nothing that's going to
stand up in court.

But I know he did it.

I know he k*lled that girl.

See, that's... Now you know
what kind of lunatic I'm dealing with here.

I mean, he's got lots of little things,

but he knows that I k*lled Marcy?
He knows that?

I'd be very happy, sir,
if you could prove that I was wrong.

Well, just how could I do that, Lieutenant?

By just telling me where you were when
Ms. Edwards was k*lled.

Whoa, now, Mr. Creighton's not here
to answer any questions, Lieutenant.

Well, that's right. But maybe
we can clear this thing up.

No, no, no, correct me if I'm wrong,

but the time of death was Wednesday
between : and : ,

is that correct, Lieutenant?

That's correct, sir.

Well, I was in my car.

- In your car?
- Yeah.

Alone?

Alone.

Nobody was with you?

- Nobody with me.
- And where were you?

I was, uh, driving back to my office.
I'd been at the Huntington Museum.

Well, that's in Pasadena, isn't it?

That's right, Lieutenant.

Pasadena is miles
from the beach, Lieutenant.

Uh, yes, ma'am.

While you were driving, did you see
anybody that could identify you?

While I was driving?

- Yes.
- No. No, Lieutenant, I didn't.

Did you stop in a gasoline station
or anything like that?

No.

- Did you get a cup of coffee?
- No.

Did you make or receive any
telephone calls from your car phone?

If he did, sir, the phone company...

Would have a record of it. No calls, Hugh?

No phone calls.

- None at all?
- None.

Then you have no alibi.

No, Everett. No, I have no alibi.

So, what are you going to do?

You got to choose now, don't you?

Let me tell you something.

That woman meant everything to me.

And I would hate to see her name
smeared across front pages.

And that's up to you.

The ball's in your court.

Well, let me think about it, Hugh.

I mean, we've got these corks,
you don't have an alibi...

No, no, no, let me take that back, okay?

Don't think about it.

I'll just see you in court.
It will be fun.

Hugh! Wait a minute,
wait a minute, just a minute.

What time did you say Marcy was k*lled?

Between : and : , ma'am.

And that's what he said.
Between : and : , he was in Pasadena.

There's no question about it.
This proves it. Just look at it.

Oops!

You want to let us in on it, Hugh?

Yes, I think I do.

Here, why don't you
take that over there to him?

It's a speeding ticket he got in Pasadena.

Which proves that he was a long way from
the beach house at : p.m. on Wednesday.

He got a speeding ticket around about
the time that Ms. Edwards was k*lled,

and you waited until now to bring it out?

I just got it in the mail this morning.

- It's a good thing I remembered.
- In the mail?

It's a speeding ticket...

No, no. It's not the kind of ticket you get
when a policeman stops you...

and gives it to you. It's a new gadget.
I mean, there's a picture here.

They take it while you're speeding
and they send it to you in the mail.

Not a very good picture of me,
is it, Lieutenant? But...

yet there, there I am caught in a...

Pasadena speed trap.

Well, I think it's precisely at the hour
you were hoping I was at the beach, right?

Huh. Any more... Any more questions?

No. No, sir. No more questions.

- I guess you win again.
- I guess I do, Lieutenant.

Oh, but, you know,
there's one thing that bothers me.

That ticket, now, I don't see
any way of b*ating that.

This may be the first case
I ever lost in my life.

Well...

Oh, bye, Everett.

Hey, there's a line here.
What's the matter with you?

Officer! Officer!

Excuse me, ma'am,
I'm sorry, I'm with the force.

Yeah, what force?

No, seriously. I'm serious.
I'm with the police force.

- Oh, yeah, sure.
- Ridiculous.

Homicide.

What can I do for you, Lieutenant?

I wanted to ask you
about this speeding ticket.

Lieutenant, as much as I'd like to help,

this is a radar ticket. There's nothing
that can be done about it.

One hundred percent conviction rate.
Just pay the fine.

This is not my ticket.

Uh, what I want to know,
is that a real ticket?

Why would anybody fake
a $ speeding ticket?

Well, but I wanna be sure
that this is not a counterfeit ticket.

Looks real to me. You wanna be sure,
see the company that operates the system.

They've got the film
from the a*t*matic cameras.

What's the number
on that ticket, Lieutenant?

- - - - - ...

C-D- - - - .

Oh, yeah. Date, time and speed.
See, that looks real, doesn't it?

But this is on a computer.

Do you have the film from the camera
that this picture was taken from?

Oh, yeah. We keep all the negatives
down in the vault.

Now, this picture is taken
directly from the film.

Can you blow this picture up?

Just the head. A big head.

Sure.

Yeah, that's him.

All right, now,

this ticket is one ticket on the roll of film
with a bunch of other tickets.

Could the roll of film be tampered with?
Could you add a ticket?

Or, could you substitute
one ticket for another?

Not so that we wouldn't be able to tell.
See, each frame is numbered consecutively.

Let me show you.

Now, this is your ticket.

.

Right.

- This is .
- .

This is your ticket again. .

Right.

And this is .

Right.

They're consecutive.

There's just no way that anyone could
have tampered with this film.

All right. Can you make a blow-up...

of some of the drivers that got a ticket
about the same time as Mr. Crichton?

Sure.

There they are, Lieutenant.

The radar g*n and the camera are up there.

Any car that exceeds the speed limit,
that triggers the system.

And smile, you're on Candid Camera.

And it's all a*t*matic.

Yup.

- I'll get it ready.
- Okay.

You know, all the years I had this car,

this is the first time
I ever had the top down.

Okay, go!

Okay. All right, you can slow down now.
Just slow it down. Okay?

He's here. His car just pulled up.

Well, relax, honey,
we've got nothing to worry about.

This better be important, Lieutenant.
We're on our way out.

Ah, well, it is important.

What is it?

Uh, well, there's something
I wanna show you. Can I come in?

He says it's important.
He wants to come in.

Well, tell him...
Well, tell him to come in.

You're gonna have to excuse us, Lieutenant,
we're running a little late here.

I appreciate that, sir. You really
threw me with that speeding ticket.

I couldn't figure out how you could be
in two places at the same time.

What... Well, I thought you said
this was important.

Well, where you were
the night of the m*rder, sir,

I think that's important.

Lieutenant, we're gonna
plough that field again?

Come on. I was in Pasadena
getting a speeding ticket, remember?

I know, sir. I know it looks that way.

And the ticket does have
the time and the date on it.

But, you see, I got these photos,
and I looked at these very...

Ma'am, would you like
to see these pictures?

Just take a minute.

Do you see anything unusual
in these pictures?

- No.
- No?

You don't see anything?

No. That's what I just said. No.

Getting my jacket, Hugh. We're late.

Okay, honey.

Sir, would you be interested in
looking at these pictures?

I don't know, Lieutenant. What are they?

Well, this one is a blow-up of your
picture on your speeding ticket.

Yeah.

And this one is a blow-up of
another driver in a convertible...

taken four minutes before your ticket.

Mmm-hmm.

Mmm-hmm.

Do you notice the shadow
under her nose, sir?

Yeah.

But there's no shadow
under your nose, Mr. Creighton.

None.

So?

If you'll just look at
this other photograph.

This one is of me,

and this was taken today at the exact
same place and the same time.

And you'll notice the same shadow
under my nose.

But there's no shadow under your nose,
Mr. Creighton. None.

Proving what?

Proving that that is
not you in that picture.

That's someone else wearing a mask.

Someone? Someone like who?

Maybe your new partner.

Oh, now we're getting
ridiculous, aren't we?

I mean, where would I
get a mask of myself?

And even if I did, there would still be
a shadow under the nose.

Right?

I think I can explain that, sir.

Would you mind coming with me?

Sir, I think you better come with me.

Appreciate you coming out, sir,
it makes it...

easier to explain.

Just take a minute.
I'm going to get something from the car.

Oh!

Got it right here.

Had it in my pocket. Forgotten.

You see, sir?

There's no shadow.

That's just a photograph.

That's just a flat, cut-out photograph.

Just like the one you had, sir.
And that's why there's no shadow.

Well, that's all very interesting.

But you still haven't placed me
at the beach house.

Well, the gardener's truck
is going to do that, sir.

What gardener's truck?

The gardener's truck that you
drove to the beach house and back.

You see, the glove marks
on Miss Edwards' neck,

they match the glove marks on
the seat adjustment lever on the truck.

- This Miss Fairbanks' car?
- Yeah.

Yeah, I thought it was.

Oh, I got a search warrant here...

to search this windshield wiper well.

You know, Mr. Creighton, there's
no way you could have known this,

but there's only one place
in all West Los Angeles...

that these berries could have
come from at this time of the year.

And that's on La Mesa,

the street of trees...

that rains berries,

where you parked this car
when you stole the gardener's truck.

You're under arrest, sir. Suspicion of m*rder.

Thank you, Sergeant.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Gotta read you your rights 'cause
I wanna make sure we don't make any mistake.

You have the right to remain silent.

You know, anything that you say,
they can hold that against you.

You have the right to retain a lawyer.

You have the right...

What the hell is that?