02x15 - Leaving Chatswin

[bunniefuu]

Sometimes I get up in
the middle of the night,

and just... walk around the house

for hours.

You're gettin' old.

The older we get, the less we sleep.

I sleep minutes a night now, tops.

Ser... seriously, Marty?

You... you only sleep
for minutes a night?

Tops.

And how long do you
spend in the steam?

I try to get anywhere
between eight and ten hours.

I'm gonna get a smoothie.

You know, Marty, I'm realizing,
I don't know much about you.

It seems like all our
exchanges are limited

to you telling me to shut the
steam room door.

Yeah.

- Okay. Well...
- have a great day.

I've worked the same job,

lived in the same house,
and ate the same breakfast

every day for the past years.

The... the same breakfast?

Corned beef hash and eggs.

And I've worn the same
shirt every damn day...

a solid Oxford button-down.

And I never set one
foot outside of Chatswin.

You're kidding.

I'm not a kidder.

Y... wh... why not?

Oh, my parents never joked.

No, no. Why didn't you
ever leave Chatswin?

Didn't you... I don't know,
ever want to travel or...

Of course I did,

but I had to wait for
the right time, George.

I've got , vacation days saved up

and a closet full of non-Oxfords.

Prints, plaids, Hawaiians...

some real whimsical.

This time next year,

I'll be exploring the great wide open.

That... that sounds great, Marty.

Yep.

The best years of my
life are ahead of me.

There's nothing you
coulda done, buddy.

Marty is schvitzing in the
big steam room in the sky now.

George wasn't the only one

who had blindsided.

I can't believe Ryan lied... to me.

And you're just as guilty.

You let me believe that
he was at an away game

instead of...

wherever he was.

Tessa, when you first
started dating my brother,

you put me in a very awkward place.

You think you know somebody.
You wear their letterman jacket.

You put your tongue on
top of their tongue

and you move it around,

only to find out that
they are a lying liar

who lies their lies
directly to your face.

Look, I know how you feel.

I experienced the same
sense of betrayal

when I found out the real deal
about high fructose corn syrup.

I mean, sugar is sugar.

Am I right?

Javier!

Is that what I think it is?

If you think it's
chocolate cake, then yes.

Otherwise, no.

I specifically asked
for no chocolate cake.

Marty hated chocolate cake.

He did? I thought he
loved chocolate cake.

Well, hold on.

Now you've got me
second-guessing myself.

Did he love chocolate cake?

You know what? Now I'm backpedaling.

I love chocolate cake.

Maybe I just assumed Marty did, too.

Well, it's not like we can ask him.

Maybe I should just take the cake home

and enjoy it with my family.

No. I think we both know he
wouldn't have wanted that.

Why don't
we just set it right...

Oh, hash and eggs.

Hey. What's that buddy?

Oh, nothing.

It's just, we should have
had corned beef hash and eggs.

It was Marty's favorite.

It was? I didn't know that.

Sometimes you don't know people
as well as you think you do.

Tessa.

You're not allowed in here
unless you have a penis.

Then what's your excuse?

Burn.

Shut up, Jason.

You pee sitting down like a girl.

I'm pooing, you idiot.

It doesn't sound like
you're pooing to me.

'Cause I'm on antibiotics.

Okay, maybe this isn't the best place

- to get into this. Oh, hold on.
- Hold on. Tessa, wait. Wait.

Tessa, wait. Just let me explain.

I'm sorry I lied about where I was,

but it's not my fault.

I'm being pursued.

Oh, let me guess. Some
stupid cheerleader

or that foreign exchange
student with the braless perkies?

What? No, Tessa.

I'm not being pursued by girls.

Well, I am, but that's
not what I was off doing.

I'm being pursued by colleges

for football.

Oh.

I mean...

Oh!

That's great.

Why did you lie to me about that?

I wasn't sure how you'd
feel about me going away.

Well, give me some credit, Ryan.

So how do you feel?

I feel great about it.

I mean, I'm... I'm fine with it.

Of course you're going
away. I'm going away, too.

That's what kids do.

They go away to college, right?

Ryan had obviously

been thinking about his
future without me.

Maybe it was time I
started preparing

for a future without him.

You guys,

can you guys seriously shut up?

I'm, like, seriously about
to get started, you guys.

Marty's dead.

[Judy Collins] ♪ isn't it rich? ♪

♪ isn't it it great? ♪

♪ Are we a pair? ♪

♪ Isn't it rich? ♪

♪ Me here at last on the ground ♪

- ♪ you in midair ♪
- ♪ Marty in midair ♪

- Psst. George.
- Hmm?

How do you like my tribute acrylics?

♪ Bring in the clowns ♪

- ♪ they're already here ♪
- ♪ don't bother ♪

♪ here ♪

Okay!

Okay.

Thank you.
Thank you, uh, Dalia, for...

a beautiful rendition
of a song that I...

I think Marty would've
wanted you to stop singing.

Marty was mishpucha to me.

Okay, thank you.

Friends...

We've gathered here

to celebrate the life of a great man,

of a kind man, a caring man.

But first, a little housekeeping.

Um, Kathy Greenspan
misplaced a pearl earring.

So let's all keep an eye out for that.

A last-minute reminder,

the pool reopens next week.

And speaking of strokes,

let's get back to Marty's
memorial.

Nothing? Okay. It's a tough crowd.

While country club members
were saying good-bye

to an old friend,

I was connecting with a new one...

Noah's daughter Jenna.

Yeah, the long-distance
thing doesn't work.

Trust me. Tried it my
first year at Brown.

Really?

And besides, as soon as
you get out of Chatswin,

you're gonna have a
whole new perspective.

Hey, guys.

Tessa, I want you to meet
two more Chatswin refugees.

Colette goes to Sarah Lawrence.

Hi.

And Bastian goes to Columbia.

Oh, cool. I'm probably
gonna look at Columbia.

What'd you say your name was?

Tessa.

Uh, Marty's postal worker... wow.

I had no idea.

Marty didn't receive many parcels.

Mm.

Um, now let's hear from
the man who knew Marty best.

Uh, his best friend and
closest confidant,

his bestie...

Mr. George Altman.

Come on up here.

Oh! What?

Come on.

His bestie?

I barely knew the guy.
What do you want me to say?

Look, this
is pathetic, George.

I can't have a postal
worker eulogize Marty.

Tell that story.

The story you told me earlier,

the great one about
the... corned beef hash.

What great story, that
he used to eat it?

That's the one.

Look, I would do this myself
except that I'm too emotional.

I'm still grappling
with my loss of Carmen.

The loss of Carmen?

Noah, your housekeeper didn't die.

She's just working for another family.

A part of me d*ed when she left.

Just... come on. Okay, go.

Hi.

Hi, George!

Well, uh, what can I say about Marty?

I know what he liked
to eat for breakfast.

I know how much he loved to steam.

But the truth is...

I didn't know Marty.

I guess none of us did.

And as... as touching
as Dalia's tribute was...

I'm not sure they ever even met.

We didn't.

The fact that we didn't know Marty...

that might be the
biggest tragedy of all.

- Here.
- What's this?

It's Marty.

The club wants you to have him.

Oh.

Me?

Of all the people who didn't know him,

you didn't know him the least.

Oh, come on.

There's gotta be a more meaningful

final resting place for
Marty than with me.

Perhaps, but no backsies.

Uh, o... okay.

Seriously, no backsies.

- Did she break up with you?
- It was hard to tell.

Well, did she say,

"I don't want to go out
with you anymore"?

Not with her words.

Hey, maybe I should defer for a year

and stay in Chatswin.

Then I can apply to whatever
school she's going to,

and we can be together.

- Mnh-mnh. That's not gonna work.
- Oh.

Yeah, Tessa's gonna attend a school

that values a curious mind,

creativity, hard work,

intellect.

Whereas, you're most
likely going to attend

the university of Florida.

Damn, this perfect body!

Life would be so much simpler

if I were soft and
misshapen like you, Lisa.

The lord has given you a gift.

You have a perfect body.
That's your cross to bear.

Mine's that I'm a lady in the street

and a freak in the bed.

Midday to you, George.

Really? Is it midday already?

It sure is.

How about a little...

afternoon delight?

D... Dallas, please.

Marty is right here.

Oh. Hey, Marty.

Did he say "hey" back?

He doesn't communicate through me.

I'm just in charge of
his ashes somehow.

Oh. Well, should we take
Marty's ashes to a movie?

I don't know.

Frankly, I have no idea

where Marty would
want his ashes to be.

This... this whole thing
is weighing on me.

I mean, I'm in charge of
his final resting place?

Me?

I... I don't know where
he'd want to rest.

Well, how about the club?

It was his favorite place to be.

You could leave
Marty's ashes in his locker.

I feel weird about this.

We're breaking into a
dead man's locker.

Yeah, but we have the
dead man here with us,

and he's cool with it.

You're cool with it, aren't ya, Marty?

Did he say he was cool with it?

He doesn't speak through me.

Okay.

Break it.

Mm!

Yeesh.

Foot powder, tooth powder,

medicated powder...

who knew that Marty was a man

of this many powders?

And now ironically, he
himself is a powder.

You know what? I... I don't
feel comfortable with this.

I can't believe there
wasn't anyone in his life

that he was close to.

Hey. Check it out.

What?

Bora Bora.

Well done, Mr. Krupp.

And there's a second ticket.

A second ticket? You
know what that means.

You and I are going to Bora Bora!

- No.
- No?

No, it means there was
someone in Marty's life.

Someone he wanted to travel with.

Someone that would know what
to do with Marty's ashes.

And that someone

is Fatima... Smadja.

Perfect.

Well, what a pleasant surprise.

What brings the Shay train

ambling through the
Jarrison Station today?

Can I ask you a question?

So long as it's not
about the trial.

J.K.

If someone gives you a gift,

does it mean you have to keep it?

Well, it depends. Who's the gift from?

The lord.

I see.

And did you keep the receipt?

What?

It was easy to
imagine my life without Ryan.

Too easy.

So should we go to the
Ingmar Bergman retrospective

or check out the Matisse
exhibit at the Met?

Let's do both.

It was inevitable.

Ryan and I were destined
for different things,

and it was only a matter of time.

But it wasn't that time.

Not yet.

Ryan!

I'm so glad to see you.

Tessa, I don't wanna scare you off

by bringing up the "L" word,

so I'm just gonna say that...

I love you.

I'm in love with you,
and I love loving you.

Wait. Which "L" word
were you talking about?

Leaving.

For college.

Crap! I wasn't... I wasn't
gonna say that word, but...

you don't have to worry.

I'm not gonna do it.

I'm not gonna let my
perfectly chiseled physique

come between us.

I'm gonna stay here in Chatswin
and I'm gonna get fat with you.

No, Ryan,

I can't let you jeopardize
everything you've worked for

just because the two of us are dating.

I already jeopardized it.

I jeopardized the hell out
of it so we could be together.

What does that mean?

Ryan...

did you do something stupid?

I think we both know
the answer to that.

Excuse me. We're looking
for a Fatima Smadja?

Thank you.

- Fatima?
- I'm on break.

Uh, Fatima, I'm sorry,
but we have some sad news.

I'm afraid it's Marty.

He's passed away.

Who?

M-Marty?

This old guy?

Bald? Frowned a lot?

Came in here every day
for the last years?

You just described
% of my customers.

Well, it must've been
some other Smadja

that was slingin'
Marty's hash and eggs.

Hash and eggs? Hash and eggs d*ed?!

Oh, no, not hash and eggs!

Why, lord? Hash and
eggs was a good man.

I'm sorry. But the good news is,

I am able to reunite
you two lovebirds.

Lovebirds?! What the
hell you talking about?

Hash and eggs never
spoke two words to me

other than "check, please."

But he bought this ticket for you.

He wanted to travel with you.

Oh. Well, he should've
made his move.

I might've taken hash
and eggs up on it.

But now it's too late. He's dead.

And the lunch rush...

is about to start.

Okay. Hold on.

Is there a soup that
we should know about?

You know what?

Here.

I think Marty would've
wanted you to have these.

I don't suppose you'd want
to take Marty with you?

I would, but...

I feel like they might
give me trouble in customs.

They probably will.

W... wait, wait.
At least let me say thanks.

Mmm.

Mmm!

Mwah!

That was way...

way more erotic than
it should've been.

Okay. Well...

Good-bye, Fatima.

Good-bye, hash and eggs.

What a sad ending to a sad story.

He really didn't have
anyone who cared about him.

Yeah, he did.

Yeah, he did.

Who?

Hello?

Oh, thank God! This is Tessa.

Just kiddin' around, silly.

I'm not here to take your call,

but if you leave your
nombre, hombre,

I'll get back to you.

Yes, hi.

Uh, this Tessa Altman.
I'm Ryan Shay's girlfriend.

And I know he asked you
to hobble him recently,

but he's changed his mind.

He would like to maintain
full use of his body,

so please don't do
anything to jeopardize it.

Copy that and call off the hit.

I think we're good.

Okay. Good.

Oh, lord, please forgive me!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

No, I'm good.

Yeah.

It's really weird. It's
actually hurtin' my hand.

It's like, mm, really
in pain, actually.

Mm.

Well, uh, you two have a nice night,

and I'm sorry I couldn't help
you out with your problem.

Mm-hmm. I left you a message
saying that he changed his mind.

Oh, I don't check my
messages, sweetie.

Well, you were right
there in the bushes.

You had to hear me leave
the message saying

he didn't want you to do it.

I heard what now?

Never mind.

Will do.

Oh, wait. Before I forget,

next week, I'm running
a sale at the photo shop.

All the wallet-sized prints
are gonna be half-off.

Okay.

You want a wallet-sized of me

to look at while
you're off at college?

Mm, no. I want a life-sized of you.

Well, you have one right here.

Aah!

Wow!

Still good.

- Oh, dang!
- Yeah.

I really didn't
wanna let you down, Ryan.

We said we called it off.

Hmm?

Mm?

What's this?

I feel really bad that
I lied to you, Tessa,

about where Ryan was,

so I made you this apology cake.

Wow.

Thanks. It looks delicious.

Oh, it's not. My mom stopped
keeping sugar in the house,

so I had to use cumin.

Oh.

So I guess I'm sorry about two things.

Did you hear my clown
song at Marty's funeral?

Uh, y... yeah.

Thanks.

It was partly about us.

I can't really see.

Marty's death got me thinking, Evan.

And in this crazy, meshuggah world,

you've have to be a shmendrik

not to know your b'shert
when you meet them.

Dalia, did you learn yiddish for me?

I don't care

if your abba has an aneurysm.

I want you.

Bad.

You're so
turned on right now.

If you don't occasionally

journey outside your comfort zone,

then your life isn't
much of a journey.

♪ I go to work every morning ♪

♪ lately, it seems like a grind ♪

♪ When I'm without
you, I think about you ♪

♪ Can't get you out of my mind ♪

♪ Sometimes I go to a movie ♪

♪ All by myself to unwind ♪

♪ It gets so lonely
watching you only ♪

♪ can't get you ♪

♪ Out of my mind ♪

There you go, buddy.

♪ Out of my mind ♪

Now you finally took that
trip outside of Chatswin.

You know what? Let Marty
be a lesson to us.

At my... memorial buffet,
I want them to say,

"George Altman...
now that guy lived."

He knew what he wanted
and he went after it.

No, you're right.

You have to go after
what you want in life.

Otherwise, what's the point?

I'm in love with Carmen.

What?!