03x03 - ben mendelsohn

[bunniefuu]

(DARK, DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(VIDEO GAME MUSIC, EFFECTS FADING IN)

♪ ♪

MAKEUP ARTIST: So, do you have any kids?

(MUSIC STOPS)

Yeah. I have a son who's , and a...

grandson who's .

They're living with me at the moment.

Oh, how come?

Oh, my son lost his job,
and they have no money.

MAKEUP ARTIST: Well,
being a parent is for life.

(DOOR OPENS)

JOEL: Hey. There they are.

Mr. Cousineau. I'm the producer, Joel,

and this is our showrunner, Brian.

Hey.

Do you remember me?

"m*rder, She Wrote"? I was a P.A.

You att*cked me.

- I need more.
- You threw hot tea in my face

because your omelet had chives.

Was I playing a priest?

Very honored to have you on the show.

Um, what you did for
this vet was inspiring,

and we wanted to pay you
back for your service,

so we are giving you a line.

- You're giving me a line?
- JOEL: It's a small line,

four or five words, but
it's pivotal to the story.

Mr. Cousineau, what do you say?

Thank you.

(ARGUING IN CHECHEN)

Look at this place. sh*t everywhere!

We were hit. We were hit!

Thank God we were on that tour bus!

You know, man, if not for
that Groupon almost expiring,

we'd all be dead men.

- Is everyone okay?
- I just checked.

- Everyone is safe in hiding places.
- (EXHALES)

f*cking Bolivians!

They want their heroin back.

And if that happens, we're f*cked!

NOHO HANK: I wouldn't be
so quick to blame Bolivians.

I mean, I think it's just
neighborhood kids being chodes.

No, no, no, no, no. Clearly,
Cristobal sent his g*ons after us!

We're going to find him, and
we're going to take him out.

Or... Or... we make a call to Chechnya.

You want to activate the patsy?

Oh, I want to activate the patsy.

♪ ♪

Fuches!

- Telephone call from America!
- (GOATS BLEATING)

Coming, my love!

(LAUGHING)

Come on.

(LOUD LAUGHTER)

This way, my girls! Yeah, let's go.

Daddy got a phone call! Come on!

- Come on!
- (BLEATING CONTINUES)

(PASTORAL CHOIR SINGING)

♪ ♪

- Hello?
- NOHO HANK (ON PHONE): Fuches!

It's me!

It's Hank. It's NoHo Hank. Hi.

- Oh, hey, Hank.
- (GOATS BLEATING)

- What's shakin'?
- NOHO HANK: So, great news.

Coast is clear. Heat is off us.

No need to live on the lam.

(GOATS BLEATING)

You mean I can come back home?

I booked you a flight
that leaves tonight.

- Well...
- (COWBELLS CLANGING)

Tell you the truth,
I'm really happy here.

- What?
- Yeah,

I got myself a little slice
of heaven here. (LAUGHS)

Turns out, I'm a natural
at everything goat.

NOHO HANK: Okay...

But (NERVOUS LAUGH) I just
cooled Barry's heels for you.

I mean-I mean, he's not
even mad at you anymore.

I just saw him.

- You saw Barry?
- NOHO HANK: Yeah, and TBH,

you're not even on his mind anymore.

You're not a blimp on his radar, okay?

He is total basket case,
and he looks like sh*t.

- (GOATS BLEATING)
- (WIND BLOWING)

Well...

I'm not interested, Hank.

No need to contact me anymore.

(HANGS UP PHONE)

(SPEAKING CHECHEN)

Well, now we have no choice
but to do su1c1de mission.

Cristobal and Bolivians die tonight!

- You look beautiful.
- Beautiful.

Thanks. (NERVOUS SQUEAL)
I'm really f*cking nervous.

Oh, I have deodorant. I'll get it.
I have the good kind.

The cancer kind!

- Sally, just be yourself.
- Okay.

- You're gonna be great.
- Okay, thank you. That's fine.

Oh, um, do you think they're
gonna ask about my childhood?

sh*t, I hope they don't ask about Sam,

but, I mean, I'm sure
they've done their research.

Oh, do you want some
Vaseline for your teeth?

Alexis Kaplan has a daughter on "Pam!"

and in real life. I don't
have one in real life.

Is that bad? You think they're
gonna call me inauthentic?

I mean, should I say that
I'm considering adoption?

No. I-I think they'll see how authentic
your passion for the show is.

Just don't be too passionate, you know?

You don't wanna be the
real you in the wrong way.

By the way, I love this romper.

It says, "I'm a woman, but
don't treat me like one."

That's what we were going for.

Oh, my God!

- Oh, you look so cute!
- Oh, thank you.

I mean, this is all so exciting!

You are going to have
so much fun, sweetie.

Oh, yeah.

- I'm just really nervous.
- SALLY: Oh, don't be. Oh, my God.

Just be yourself. You'll
be fine. You'll be great.

- Yeah.
- No, no reason to be nervous.

- (CAMERA WHIRRING)
- PUBLICIST: Okay. You all set?

- Ready to go.
- Okay, great.

Just go in. You have five minutes.

Ask a few questions.
You're talking to Sally Reed.

It's spelled R-E-E-D.
The show's called "Joplin."

Talking to Sally Reed. You all set?

All right.

Mm!

- (DOOR OPENS)
- MADELEINE: Hey, Sally.

- SALLY: Hey!
- PUBLICIST: Here's Madeleine

from "E! News."

Sally Reed! How you doin', girl?

- I'm good.
- Now, the show takes place in Joplin,

and you were raised there.

- Mm-hmm, that's right.
- Is that really what Joplin's like?

Well, it's a lot less freezing on set.

(LAUGHS)

Okay, great. Thanks.

(DOOR OPENS)

PUBLICIST: Here's Mike
from "Access Hollywood."

Sally Reed! How ya doin', girl?

- I'm good.
- This is a show about a woman

trying to help her daughter
leave an abusive relationship

in Joplin, Missouri.

- Yes, that's right.
- Was that tough?

- Yes?
- MIKE: All right, great.

And who do you think should
be the next Spider-Man?

Uh...

Ben Mendelsohn?

- MIKE: Okay.
- (DOOR OPENS)

PUBLICIST: Here's Taylor
from "Screen Nerd."

- TAYLOR: There she is, Sally Reed.
- (LAUGHS)

- Girl boss.
- Hi.

Hashtag "you go, girl!"
You feeling , yeah?

(SLOW EXHALE)

BARRY: (GRUNTS)

They let me keep my beard.

Yeah, they said some pharma guys
actually have a beard like this.

Ah!

(GROANS, SIGHS)

Wanna run lines? Yeah? All right.

What I did was terrible,

and I'm truly sorry.

I accept your apology.

That was great.

Oh, man.

This trailer is nice.

Might go over to the
"Wheel of Fortune" building,

- take some pictures...
- Did she suffer?

But she figured out that it
was you she was looking for.

And I invited you to my cabin.

(SIGHS)

Who was that guy that
took me into the woods?

He's nobody.

Actually, you know what?
That's not true.

I want to be honest with you

because I think we have
a good thing going here.

Um...

He's a family friend.

- He's actually kinda like a...
- An uncle?

He got you into this line of work?

So that monologue that you gave me

when I first met you,
that was f*ckin' true?

And then I said it again
at the dinner table.

- And she knew it was you.
- Hey, we don't need to rehash all this.

If I didn't say anything...

she'd be alive today.

Ah, no, don't put that on
yourself, Mr. Cousineau.

No, she was good at her job.

(SIGHS) The whole thing's just
really unfortunate, you know?

Look, I believe,

and some of this I got from
your teachings, that...

th-that you can be the version
of yourself that you want to be.

I never said that to you.

What I'm saying is...

is that I never would've learned
that if it wasn't for you.

So I'm responsible for who you are?

The positive side. Yeah.

I mean, meeting you changed my
life for the better, you know?

(SIGHS)

Look, we've both done
terrible things in our lives,

but we're helping each other...

make up for it. You know?

I mean, you got a line.

(LAUGHS)

You're welcome. (LAUGHS)

(LATIN MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING IN SPANISH)

(g*ns CLICKING)

FERNANDO: Hey, Cristobal!

We're heading back to the nursery!

To hit the Chechens during
regular business hours.

Huh.

(g*ns CLICKING)

Suegro...

I want the revenge
just as bad as you do,

but, as you saw, uh, we were
sh**ting at empty tents.

They're on the run.

I've been here, working
this territory, a...

and I'm good at my job.

And I'm telling you, th-there
is nothing for us here.

Cristobal.

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

You're right.

You are good at your job.

We'll cut our losses and head back home.

We gave LA a sh*t, didn't work out.

Win some, lose some.

- It's all about perspective.
- Mm-hmm.

So, we'll head back to Bolivia?

Yes.

(LOUD SIGH)

How do I break it to the guys?

They're ready to go.

Maybe take them to lunch first.

I know what I'll do.

I'll take them to Johnny Rockets.

And then after, in the parking lot,

I'll say, "Hey. We aren't
attacking the Chechens.

We're heading back to Bolivia."

Thanks for helping me figure that out.

(PHONE BUZZING)

- (BUZZING STOPS)
- (SPANISH SINGING CONTINUES)

f*ck.

(DOOR OPENS)

- (SIGHS)
- (DOOR CREAKING)

(DOOR SHUTS)

YANDAR: What's that?

I bought b*mb on dark web.

Jesus Christ! What the
f*ck did you do that for?

We use this to blow
up Cristobal's house.

No.

You want Fernando dead, okay?

He is head of whole Bolivian operation.

He ordered the hit on us.

(QUIET BEEPING)

How do you know it is this... Fernando?

I just know. I...

Cristobal is a nobody, okay?

He's, like, fourth, fifth in command.

Fernando...

is the real thr*at here, okay?

(BEEPING CONTINUES)

Trust me.

Hm. Just blow up the f*cking house.

Good luck, Akhmal.

What? What the f*ck
does it have to be me?!

- Can't we draw straws?
- Who are you?

Bruce Willis in "Armageddon"?

I don't wanna do this. This is crazy.

I know someone crazy.

- (SET CHATTER)
- (BELL RINGING)

(PHONE BUZZING)

(SENDS TEXT)

(MUTTERS): Jesus f*cking Christ...

(PHONE BUZZING)

(SIGHS) Hank, I said no.

FUCHES (ON PHONE): Barry?

Fuches?

Where are you?

- (GOAT BLEATING)
- Heaven, Barry.

BARRY: Seriously, where are you?

(SCOFFS) Why? You gonna come find me?

No.

Hank said that you cooled off a bit,
said you were on hard times.

I-I'm sorry to hear that.

I'm fine.

I wanna say I'm sorry...

for whatever it is you think I did

to hurt your relationship
with Mr. Cousineau.

Okay.

Okay, good. Good.

Uh, now in the spirit of that comment,

is there something
you'd like to say to me?

No.

- (GOATS BLEATING)
- (WIND BLOWING)

I'm dying, Barry. I'm in the hospital.

Yeah, doctors are being cagey.
Not a lot of eye contact.

So, if there ever was a time you
did wanna say something to me,

now would be that time.

Are those goats in the background?

I could give you some apology options
off the top of my head, Barry.

"I'm sorry I sh*t at you!

I'm sorry for ruining your
heroin deal with the Burmese!"

All right, I don't have
time for this, okay?

Me and Mr. Cousineau are fine.

Please don't call me again, all right?

(SIGHS)

(PHONE BUZZING)

Yeah?

What the f*ck do you mean
you and Cousineau are fine?

I mean, we're fine.

We worked our sh*t out together.

Actually, we're working together today.

- Oh, you're working.
- Yeah.

On a show called "Laws of Humanity."

That's a great show.

And I know you told him I k*lled Janice,

- but we hashed it out, like adults.
- (GOAT BLEATING)

So, there's no need to apologize

'cause your little f*cking
plan didn't work.

Oh, you're good, are you?

You're never going to move past that!

You destroyed that guy's life!

Yeah, well, now I'm making
it up to him. By acting.

How the f*ck do you do that!?!

- Why do you care?
- I don't care!

Well, you obviously f*ckin'
care. You called me.

- You called me.
- You are f*ckin' nuts, man.

- (BLEATING)
- Also, I know you're on a farm or something

because I can hear goats
in the background.

Maybe I'm at the zoo
with my new best friend!

Thought you said you were at a hospital.

(SCREAMING)

- (GRUNTS)
- (PHONE CLATTERING)

- (BLEATING CONTINUES)
- (COWBELL RINGING)

(WIND BLOWING)

(SIGHS)

I never answered the same question
so many times in my whole life.

Did they ask you who the
new Spider-Man should be?

Yeah, I think I said Harry
Styles or something.

sh*t, that's good.

Did they ask you about "Cake Boss"?

Yeah, is he one of the new Avengers?

No, it's, um... that's
a baking competition.

sh*t, that's embarrassing.

(DEEP SIGH)

Hey, do you have a date
for the premiere tomorrow?

Not unless you count my parents.

Well, you're welcome to ride
with me and Barry, if you want.

We have a limo.

Um...

Yeah, um, no, th-that's okay. Yeah.

Hey, Sally, they're ready for you again.

- Ugh.
- I know. You got this.

(LAUGHS)

PUBLICIST: Hi, Sally, follow me.

- Hey, can I give you a word of advice?
- Mm.

When your boss invites you
to the premiere with her,

- you don't say no. (LAUGHS)
- Uh...

Yeah, no. Um, it's... I, um, I...

I-I don't really feel, uh,
comfortable around Barry.

Why?

Um, well, uh...

The other day in the writer's room,

he, like, screamed at
her in front of everyone,

and it was... it was really bad.

Oh, yeah. No, I've seen
him do that before.

He's totally harmless.
I'm sure he was having a bad day.

I was in an acting class with Barry,

and he's a really good guy.

He yelled at us a few times,

and, you know, he told us that
he k*lled a few people in...

some w*r, and that it
really messed him up.

But I don't think that makes
him violent. (LAUGHS)

I feel like he's gonna do something.

To Sally? No, no, no, no, no, no.

He treats Sally like a star.

That's why she keeps
him around. (LAUGHS)

(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)

- So you were a Marine?
- BARRY: Mm-hmm.

- I do CrossFit with a lot of Marines.
- Oh, that's cool.

They're always telling me like, "Dude,

you totally could've been a Marine."

And I thought about joining,

but, you know, I guess I
had too many other options.

BARRY: Huh.

DIRECTOR: Going on a bell!

Oh, yeah, thanks.

All right, here we go. Excuse me.

- (BUZZER)
- CREW : ... settle!

CREW : Lock it down!

DIRECTOR: And we're rolling...

and... action!

As you know, I got you the full amount

on the wrongful death of your dear wife.

But no amount of money
can make this right.

They need to come here,
look you in the eye,

and apologize.

Bring him in!

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)

BARRY: Thank you for teaching me
how to right my wrongs, Mr. Manity.

Please, call me Hugh.

(SIGHS) Sir, my, uh, company
knowingly hiked the prices of a drug

that would've saved your wife's life.

What I did was terrible,
and I'm truly sorry.

(SIGHS)

- (CREW GASPS)
- I want you to stay away from my family!

f*ck you, and don't talk to me
anymore, you piece of sh*t!

(QUIET CHATTER)

(TRUCK REVERSING BEEP)

sh*t.

This show deals with
abuse and is so personal.

What's it like being a part of that?

Yeah. I mean, it's, it's
really amazing, honestly.

And, like, Sally's so, just, inspiring

with the way she talks about it all,

and is so open about it. Um...

Yeah, it-it's really cool.

I was just speaking with her,
and it's so good to hear

that she's in a healthy
relationship now.

Yeah. Um...

Her boyfriend...

Um...

He's great. He's... Yeah,
he's, um, he's awesome.

♪ ♪

(TYPING ON PHONE)

(RINGING)

- This is Hank.
- BARRY (ON PHONE): I'm in.

Are you f*cking serious?

Barry's back.

- Yes!
- This one's a doozy.

- He's head of Bolivian crime...
- Just tell me how much

and, uh, where I'm going.

And I'll be there.

Barry, you are a real one, okay?

You're doing me such a
solid, you have no idea.

Okay, um... It-it's very complicated.

There's lots of ins and
outs to it, but thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank
you. Thank you. Thank you.

Okay, I'll talk to you tomorrow.

So, you are giving
this job to a madman...

who k*lled most of our
men at the monastery?

Yes, but (LAUGHS)...

don't we want a madman?

I mean, Barry is...

Greek Freak of assassins, okay?

The monastery?

He was just having a bad day.

Oh...

But I wanted to get rid of Barry,

and you insisted that we use Fuches,

which was bust.

And now, you want to stop
me going after Cristobal.

(GRUMBLES)

ANA: I hate seeing you like this.

So riled up about Barry,

when he's not even thinking of you.

That's exactly why I wanna k*ll him.

You don't.

Vengeance is like drinking poison,
hoping the other person will die.

Well, at least he'd be dead.

(FIRE CRACKLING)

(SIGHS)

Aren't you happy here?

(SIGHS)

If you knew everything I did for him...

all I sacrificed to
give this kid a life...

you'd feel different.

(WIND HOWLING OUTSIDE)

Do you know the story
of the Bolam-Deela?

Yeah.

No, you don't. I know you don't.

(WIND CONTINUES HOWLING)

A long time ago, in the Argun Gorge,

a man came across a beautiful farmland,

and he had to make it his.

So he k*lled the farmers
and took the land.

And from that day forward,

their dead souls wandered
his land in purgatory.

Until one day, a creature,

the Bolam-Deela,

appeared and offered the souls a choice.

You can forgive the man and go to Heaven

or seek vengeance.

All of the souls chose vengeance
except for one little boy.

So the Bolam-Deela granted
the souls their wish

and turned them all into panthers.

The panthers, so full of fury and rage,

att*cked and k*lled the landowner.

But their souls?

They went to the bottom of the ocean,

where they drifted in the cold,
dark depths for eternity.

And the little boy who
chose forgiveness?

He was sent to Heaven.

(WIND HOWLING)

You say this happened
to a friend of yours?

It's a fable from the th century.

- How long did it take him?
- How long did what take him?

The Vengeance Army panther thing.

How long did it take him
to put that together?

It didn't really happen.

It's a morality story. It's not real.

♪ ♪

But it could be.

♪ ♪