06x13 - Suck Up or Shut Up

[bunniefuu]

Ugh, General Hospital?

Why are you
wasting your time

Watching this trash?

Guiding light is on.

Because i'm a little
concerned

About what they're doing
with Jason's character.

It's halfway
through the show

And he still has
his shirt on.

Don't worry, he's going
down to the waterfront.

Brenda's gonna be
down there crying.

It's coming off.

Excuse me, could
I get some sugar?

Roseanne!

Should I just rip off
the shirt of every customer

So that they can
get your attention?

Not these customers.

No, no, no, no!
No, no, no, no.

We don't charge
Mr. Mehlman

Of Mehlman
restaurant supplies.

He's our special
friend.

[chuckles]

Oh, a special
friend, huh?

Well, the food
is on the house.

If you're sleeping
with Leon,

It's a miracle
you can eat at all.

She thinks
she's funny.

You know, i'd
let the girl go

Except she scares
away robbers.

You know, I got a gal
like that who works for me.

Gives me nothing
but trouble.

I'd fire her,
but she's my wife!

Oh, my.

Give Maureen
my love.

Well, I got to get
back to the office,

Find out if my employees
are working hard.

Or hardly working.

Ha ha ha!

You know, I hear
he's considered

A comic genius
in France.

Roseanne, let me give you
a little business lesson.

That gentleman you
were just so rude to

I invited him here.

I made friends with him.

And now we are getting

A deep fat fryer
for cost.

Well, that is great

'cause i'd hate
to hold your face

In a deep fat fryer
we paid full price for.

It's called networking,
Roseanne.

And that is why I
have been after Jackie

To join the Lanford
womens association.

So we can get more
things at a discount.

In fact, Nancy...

Why don't you join?

You've been asking

For more responsibility
around here.

I just meant
I wanted a key.

So, hey, hold on a second.
What about me, you know?

I can join some group
of stupid, snobby,

Stuck-up broads
and make friends.

Oh, Roseanne,
how can I say this

So that I don't
hurt your feelings?

You're a horrible woman
and nobody likes you.

Well, be that as it may,
i'm still gonna join,

And i'll get us a lot
of free stuff too.

No, face it Roseanne,
you just don't have

The skills that it takes
to represent this business.

Oh, now, Leon,
I may not have

Your vast wealth
of business experience,

Nor your great willingness
to kiss butt,

But I do have
something else.

Really? And what
might that be?

Your nipple.
Ow!

[theme]

Okay, so what do you
think of these earrings?

Oh, yeah,
that's much better!

These are the exact
same ones I had on before.

See, you're not paying
any attention at all.

I am too!

Holy cow, what are you
so dressed up for?

'cause I have to go
impress these businesswomen

So I can use 'em
for contacts.

Then later I can go back
to chewing tobacky

And rolling up my hair
in soup cans.

Hey.

So did you make
many tips tonight,

Or won't you know
'til you

Shake out your
underpants?

Hey, sweetheart.

Hey, honey.

Got to go.
I'm late for class.

What time did you
get in last night?

Mm, I don't know.
Either : or : .

We really should buy
a digital clock for the boy.

Have a nice night.

So...How you doing?

Well, it sucks, mom.

I know he's
doing it for us,

But he's at school
all night

And I work all day.

We don't ever get
to talk anymore.

Well, that's a shame

'cause you're really
missing something.

I mean, when you're
not around,

The witty, insightful
things that come out

Of that boy's mouth you
just wouldn't believe.

It's like the only time
we spend together

Is when he wakes me up
when he gets home.

At least he's still
polite enough

To wake you up first.

Wow, the chestnut room
at the ramada inn.

These broads have got
to be doing all right.

The rooms here are
really nice too.

I've heard.

God, Nancy, what did
you dress like that for?

This is a women's
business meeting.

It's not a girl bar.

Roseanne,
you are so naive.

But...Most of these
women are married.

You are so naive.

Hello, hello, ladies.

I'm lucille lacompt.
I'm the greeter tonight.

Entre vous.

Oh, well, that's French,
isn't it.

French, the language
of...France.

Well, it's certainly
nice talking to you,

And i'm sure we'll
get the chance

To talk to you
again later.

Yes, let's do that.

I think we did pretty
good there, Roseanne.

Oh, all these
stuck-up broads

In business suits.

I should have
worn underwear.

There's a mens group
meeting across the hall.

All right,
it's just a hassle
using birth control.

We brought her,

And I have to tell
everybody i'm married?

Hello.
Hello.

Oh, Roseanne Conner.

You wouldn't be D.J.'s
mother, would you?

Well, that depends.
What'd he do?

You know, I think our sons
are in the same class.

Ohh!

Oh, well,
of course they are.

Yeah, D.J. talks
about him all the time.

Just this morning
he was saying, uh,

We don't see enough
of that Anderson kid.

Elijah.

Elijah. That's such
a great name.

I've never seen you
at our meetings before.

Do you work here
in town?

Um, yeah,
i'm the proprietor
of the lunch box.

Oh, you mean
Leon Carp's place.

Uh, no.

Actually, Leon
is just our waiter

And we let him think
that he owns the place.

On Thursdays he
thinks he's the mayor.

Well, you know how
all men like to think

They are the center
of the universe.

I guess that's why
they call it the "sun,"

And not the "daughter."

That is brilliant.

You're certainly
a lot wittier

Than that french lady
we met at the door.

Well, I do write
the newsletter.

Oh, you do.
Uh-huh.

Uh, what line of work
are you in?

Well, my family owns
a string of bakeries

Throughout
the entire state.

Bakeries, huh?

So I guess you would
make things like,

I don't know, what,
hamburger buns?

Oh, I love
that brooch, flo.

Why, thanks, ro.

My husband
gave it to me.

Well, either he did
something very bad

Or you did something
very good.

Oh, you know, ro,

I bet you are just
full of the dickens.

Oh, yes, i've got
the dickens just

Running right out
of my ears.

Well, the meeting's
about to start.

Maybe we can chat after.

Oh, I can't wait.

I got to hand it
to you, Roseanne.

You were very pleasant
and personable.

Yeah, it was fun too,

Although I know
i'll be sore tomorrow.

Hey, can I
help you, buddy?

Beer.

I didn't know you
were working here.

Ah, you know me.

Eccentric millionaire
taking on odd jobs

So he can mingle
with the common folk.

That's what I like
about you, Chuck.

You're not stuck-up.

Not like our other
millionaire friend

Who works down
at the car wash.

Whoa, what the hell
are you doing here?

Oh, man.

He comes in here
every night

Around : .

Mind if we talk?

We'll have to keep
our voices down,

This being
the library and all.

Just leave me
alone, Dan, will you?

Why the hell aren't
you in class?

I went a couple of times.

It was just not
my thing, okay?

What do you mean,
it wasn't your thing?

We gave you money
for school.

We own your thing.

It just didn't work out,
so I quit.

What do you
want me to do?

How 'bout showing
the family

You've got this much
responsibility?

Man, I can't believe

I took your side
back at the house.

Hey, I don't need you
on my side.

Wait a minute.

You're not gonna tell
Becky or Mrs. Conner

You saw me here,
are you?

No...You are.

Why don't you save them
the trouble

And k*ll me right now?

Oh, come on, Mark,

Roseanne's not
gonna k*ll you.

Not with all
the questions

Surrounding the death
of becky's first husband.

So then Carol Collins,
you know, the pie lady,

She ends up
leaving with Nancy.

No way, mom!

I know that woman.
She's married.

God, you're so naive.

Hey, Mark,
how was it tonight?

Tell 'em.

I quit school.

What!

I went a couple
of times.

It just didn't
work out.

I found him
at the Lobo.

He's been there
every night.

How could you do
something like this?

See, I knew you
wouldn't be on my side.

On your side?

Why should I
be on your side?

You've been lying
to me for weeks.

Let's just talk
about this upstairs.

No. I have nothing
to say to you.

Becky, oh, you got
plenty to say to him,

Starting with,
"get your butt
back to school!"

I can't make him go.
I don't control him.

What do you mean
you don't control him?

You're his wife!

But I still can't
make him go back.

He doesn't even
listen to me.

That's because you're
not yelling loud enough.

I'm not so sure

You should blame
her, Roseanne.

Mark's got a mind
of his own.

Well, I got
an exercise bike too,

But that don't mean
i'm ever gonna use it!

Come on, lucky.

Come on out of that
coma for Luke and Laura.

Will Liz Taylor's
curse never end?

[D.J.]
sit there.

Mom, this is Elijah.

Hi.
Oh, hi!

You must be
Florence's boy.

Nice to meet you.

Okay, I talked
to him at school,

I brought him home
like you told me to,

And now i'm done.

Where are you going?

Izzy Miller's house.

D.J.... [snaps]
over here.

[door closes]

Now, you stop being
mean to Elijah,
and play with him.

I can't.
He sings.

What do you mean,
he sings?

He sings real quietly
to himself all the time.

He never stops.

I hate him, I hate him,
I hate him!

D.J....

You get ahold
of yourself now.

You are gonna
play with him.

He's a very nice boy.

If you like him so much,
you play with him.

Puff the magic dragon
lived by the sea

Told you.

...The autumn mist
in a land called honah lee

little
Jackie pap--

How come you stopped?

Stopped what?

Singing.

I wasn't singing.

Hey, D.J.,
who's your friend?

Izzy Miller.

I know that, son,
but who's this boy?

we're off to see
the wizard...

[D.J.]
this is Elijah.

What's he doing?

Singing.

How do you get
him to stop?

because, because,
because, because

because...

So, Elijah...

You like
to sing, huh?

I wasn't singing.

Yeah, Dan,
what's wrong with you?

Am I staying
for dinner?

Sure, if you'd
like to.

What are you having?

Liver and boiled fish

With liver sauce.

I think I got
to go home now.

Bummer.

[door closes]

Oh, we've just got
to have that kid
over more often.

Makes our other
kids less odd.

I think every kid
on earth looks less odd

Next to Elijah Minnelli.

start spreading
the news

That's Elijah with A J.

Hey.

Shh!
Mark's reading.

Oh, well,
I hate to ruin

The end of it
for you, Mark,

But he eats
the green eggs and ham.

I'm studying
upstairs.

Don't pick
on him, mom.

He's really doing it
this time.

We spent all day
working together.

I can't believe
how much he's learned.

Well, does this mean
we have to stop
spelling stuff out

That we don't want
him to know about?

I'm serious.

I mean, you were
right, mom.

You can make husbands
do like anything.

You are catching on,
Mrs. Healy.

Men need to be molded.

Think of them not
as lumps of clay,

But...As lumps.

[belches]

Out of milk.

Well, hi,
flo and elijah!

Cool hats.

Thanks, Roseanne.

We biked over here
to talk to you

About your son.

Well, he did something

That really upset
my elijah.

Well, thank you
for telling me.

I will punish him
severely.

Well, don't you want
to know what he did?

Oh, yeah, yeah.
That'd be good.

Well, yesterday,
in front of a large
group of children,

D.J. called him
Elijah Minnelli.

No, he didn't.

D.J., come out here!

Children can be
so cruel.

What?

I'm gonna pretend
like i'm yelling at you,

So just go along
with it.
Okay.

D.J., i'm going to
ask you a simple question,

And I want a simple
answer, yes or no.

Did you call him
Elijah Minnelli?

Yes, but you--

Yes or no?

Yes.

Well, you really
hurt his feelings, D.J.

As you know,
I did not raise you

To be a name-caller.

That is mean.

Tell him you're sorry.

I'm sorry.

That's okay.

You want to come
over tomorrow?

Uh, no, I bet
i'm grounded.

You sure are.

See?

All right, then.

Thank you, Ro.

I'll look forward
to seeing you

At the next
meeting.

Me too, Flo.

And don't you
worry about it,

Because i'm not
quite done

Talking to this
young man.

Mom, I said
I was sorry!

Well, sorry really
isn't good enough,
is it?

Come on, i'll change.
I promise I will.

Please!

Please, I promise!

That's what you say
every single time.

I will, I will.
[door closes]

They're gone.
Let's go have
ice cream.

Hey, Mark.

I made flash cards

For the next
two chapters.

Yeah? [chuckles]
we got our tests back.

The only f
in the class.

They even posted
the grades

Where everybody
could see 'em.

You proud of me?

You studied for this.
I don't understand
how this could happen.

You should never
have made me

Go to that damn school
in the first place.

I didn't make you.
You wanted to go.

Wrong. You never
even asked me.

Then again, you don't
give a crap what I think.

You never have.

Could you guys
start over again?

I hate it when I miss
out on the beginning.

Mrs. Conner, you always
thought I was stupid.

Now, here's your proof.

Go ahead,
make your jokes.

Well, it's really
not funny

Now that we know
it's true.

In fact,
it's kind of sad.

Or at least
not as funny.

Mom, he's not stupid.

He's just not good
at taking tests.

I think when you don't
know any of the answers
to any of the questions,

You're not good
at taking tests.

Yeah, but look here.
You spelled your name right.

Although, it is the th.

Mom, leave us alone.

Oh, i'm just
teasing you, Mark.

Everybody
gets an f.

You're gonna do way
better next time.

Oh, no, I won't.

I'm dropping out.

Becky.

Mark, you're
going back.

We both know it's
what's best for you.

No, it's what's
best for you.

Why are you always
trying to change me?

I'm not trying
to change you.

I just want you to
realize you're not worthless.

I never thought
I was worthless.

That's not
what I meant.

What are you doing?

I'm gonna stay
at roy's tonight.
Why?

You're the great student.
You figure it out.

Go find some
college boy

Who's got what
you want.

Mark, wait!

[door opens]

[sighs]

Well, mother, I kept
pushing him like you said,

And he left me.

Congratulations,
you finally broke us up.

Well, it doesn't count.

I wasn't even trying.

No, you guys
can't break up.

Listen to me.

I gave some advice
to my daughter,

And, okay, that kind of
blew up in my face,

But trust me, you two
belong together.

I don't know, Roseanne.

We've been
through so much,

And it just
gets harder.

You wouldn't believe
the incredible drama

That we're always
going through.

Oh, wouldn't I?

Dan, come out here!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What the--

Oh, yes, dear?

I'd like to
introduce you

To somebody
famous.

Oh, man, this is
a real honor.

Think Paul Simon and you

Will ever get back
together again?

Oh, no.

Uh, no, we're
Luke and Laura

From general
hospital.

I'm sorry.
I'm a guiding light man.

They were telling me
about all the trouble

They're having
in their marriage,

So I thought you
should tell 'em

Some of the stuff
we've been through.

I don't know
where to start.

Last year
I lost my job,

My daughter ran off,

Sister-in-law
got b*at up,

I got thrown
in jail,

Roseanne's
dad d*ed...

Seems like
every week

Something else
is happening to us.

It seems like it
happens again

In the summer too.

Well, he got
in a fight

With my ex-husband
on our wedding day.

Well, that was
only because

You didn't make sure

That stupid mexican
divorce from him
was legal.

Well, our daughter,
Becky,

Left home for
a year and a half,

And when she came back
we barely recognized her.

But the most
important thing

Is we've stuck
together.

Now, you two still love
each other, don't you?

[dramatic music plays]
well...

I did really miss you
those two years

That I was abducted
and held c*ptive

On that island.

And i'll never forget
the good times we had

Saving the world
from Mikkos Cassadine's
evil weather machine.

[general hospital
theme plays]