01x02 - Happy Wife, Happy Life

[bunniefuu]

Throw it, throw it!

Throw it!

Mrs. Gore, I didn't even...

Mrs. Gore, you gave
your entire class detention?

Well, one of them was
behind this, I'm sure of it.

Do you know
how many calls I'm fielding?

And it is not like this
is the first time

you have done
something along these...

Earl... Mr. Albert... these kids,

like all of us,
are a part of a community.

The actions
of one affect us all.

Oh, man, look at this.

What's the occasion?

Since when does a wife
need an occasion to cook

her husband's favorite meal?

Those didn't come from a box.

No, sir, they did not.

I want to foster another child.

I have so much extra time now
that I'm not working anymore.

And it's... it's always been such

a positive experience
in the past.

Christina loves it when
we bring children in,

don't you, sweetheart?

- I guess.
- Yeah.

New job's got me
working a lot,

traveling more.

Sure it's a good idea?

We've got so much love
to give in this family.

This is delicious, honey.

David, this is Ms. Betty,

and this is
our daughter Christina.

Ladies, this is David.

Hello, David.

Christina made this for you.
Isn't it beautiful?

Do you know what it says?

"Welcome David."

Look at you,
what a good reader you are.

David, we are so happy
to have you,

and we just want you
to feel at home here.

Yes, ma'am.

Well, Christina, do you want
to show David to his new room?

- Come on.
- There you go.

Thank you.

He's perfect.

♪ I will enter his gates
with thanksgiving in my heart ♪

♪ I will enter his courts
with praise ♪

♪ I will say this is the day
that the Lord has made ♪

♪ I will rejoice
for he has made me glad ♪

♪ He has made me glad,
he has made me glad ♪

♪ I will rejoice
for he has made me glad ♪

♪ He has made me glad,
he has made me glad ♪

♪ I will rejoice
for he has made me glad ♪

- Bye.
- Good night.

Candy, oh, my goodness,
that was so good.

- Well, thank you.
- Just great.

- Oh, my gosh, y'all.
- That was!

Thank you so much,
bless y'all.

- God bless you.
- See you next week, okay?

Hey, um,
I won't be long, but don't

get the kids too wound up, okay?

- Who, me?
- Yes, you.

Where's my favorite pastor at?

Pick it up,
you won't put it down.

You have been warned.

Commander Rodney Landa?
Ooh, very commanding.

Mm-hmm.

All right, come on now.

What?

Sweetie...

Bill and I
are getting divorced.

Jesus...

Did he cheat?

No.

No, of course not.
Okay.

It's just...

Over.

I woke up one morning thinking,
"Maybe this is it."

Well, not for me.

You're gonna be fine.

You are fine.

This is the first time
in a while

I'm kinda excited to see
what's coming next.

Yeah, all right.

♪ Don't give up on us, baby ♪

♪ Don't make
the wrong seem right ♪

♪ The future isn't
just one night ♪

♪ It's written
in the moonlight ♪

♪ And painted on the stars ♪

♪ We can't change ours ♪

♪ Don't give up on us, baby ♪

♪ We're still
worth one more try ♪

♪ I know we put a last one by ♪

♪ Just for a rainy evening ♪

♪ When maybe stars are few ♪

♪ Don't give up on us, I know ♪

♪ We can still come through ♪

♪ I really lost
my head last night ♪

♪ You've got a right
to start believing ♪

♪ There's still
a little love left ♪

♪ Even so ♪

♪ Don't give up on us, baby ♪

Maybe it all ties together.

Well, would you like
a few more maybes?

Have you spoken to Bill lately?

Bill Richardson?

No, Ponder.

I ran into him down
McKinney Square last week, why?

No reason, just wondered why
you two don't hang out more.

Hmm.

Sundays at church,
I feel sick enough.

Well, you could use
more friends is all.

I'm not .

I have you.

I have the kids.

That's all the friends I need.

Do you mind if I
finish this sentence?

No, I'm sorry, go ahead.

I went up to Tooley's office,

and I found his, uh,
expense sheet and these.

Glasses?

Sharp... that's exactly
what I thought they were too.

No, no, that's not what I meant.

Oh, Joe, what...

What was he doing
on the freeways,

which he was afraid of...

Come on, it just started.

Two pair, maybe?

No, I called Mary.

He only had one pair.
No others.

Listen, Mr. Rockford,
we're onto something here,

I can feel it.

Joe Tooley was m*rder*d.

- Top one?
- Top.

Oh!

No, when JR said Gary
wasn't smart enough

to want anything...
I know!

Strong enough to ask. Whoo!

And I mean,
it's his own brother!

I know, right?

Hey, y'all,
I've been thinking about

cutting my hair
like Ms. Ellie's.

It's soft but strong, you know?

It's just
like a little bit shorter.

I love that for you.

I love that for you.

Oh, well, hey there,
Ms. Betty.

Hi, y'all.

So I was thinking
it might be fun

to start up a children's choir.

I know my Christina
would love it.

And, um, now that
we have Davey, you know,

we're fostering
a little boy, Davey.

Poor little thing,
he is just a sweetheart.

But I thought
with all our little ones,

we could put together
something really special.

Well, aren't you sweet, Betty?

You... you want to teach
children to be louder?

No, I want to
teach them to work together

in harmony
towards a common goal.

Well, I think it's
a wonderful idea, I do.

I think the kids would
enjoy it, and, uh,

it'd be a good way for Davey
to make some friends.

So, um,
something to think about.

We sure will!

- See you in there.
- All right.

Ugh, St. Betty
of perpetual distress.

Ugh, God, you're awful!

What? I said she was sweet.

She's just trying
to do a good thing.

She took in
that poor little boy,

isn't that enough good to do?

Oh, honey, it is a long road
to hoe for moral superiority.

She's just trying to make us
feel like we don't do enough.

Well, we don't.
You definitely don't.

Speak for yourself.

She's running behind.

Good morning, everybody.

Good morning.

Bet you're all wondering
why you're seeing

my pretty face up here
on a Sunday morning.

Don't bother ducking,
I won't be up here long enough

for the ceiling
to come down on me.

Thank you.
Oh, boy.

Uh, first off,
Jackie's fine, folks.

Uh, she's just taking care
of some... some personal issues.

Um...

she and Bill
are getting divorced.

- What?
- Yeah.

Yeah, I know.

Well, since there's not gonna be

a proper sermon today,
I think we should all go

spend the day doing what...
What makes us happy.

Maybe go see that, uh,
Grease again.

That was a hoot and holler!

Ah, but... but it makes
you think... it makes you think.

Right from the beginning,

there's two ways
of telling every story.

Poor Jackie.

She's fine.

- How do you know?
- You knew about this?

It wasn't mine to tell.

- Is there another woman?
- No.

- Another man.
- No.

Divorce, I would never...

I would
have to just leave town!

They grew apart,
okay, it happens.

- Not around here, it doesn't.
- Mm-mm.

Except for her.

Hey, y'all!

People are gonna talk.

- I gotta go.
- Okay.

- See you next week.
- Bye. Bye.

- You coming?
- Oh, yeah.

Mmm.

That was good.

Back later.

Where are you going?

Thursday... volleyball.

Of course, um, have fun.

Thanks, honey!

- Bye, Daddy!
- Bye!

There you are.
What you doing?

Becky threw it out the window
to see if it could fly.

I told the guys
it looks like an owl.

Well, I'm off to volleyball.

Oh, I'll round up
the munchkins.

No, no, no, stay here.

Oh, no, come on,
we love watching you play.

Well, you do, but the kids
just run around like maniacs,

so let's not show everyone
what terrible parents we are.

- Okay, you sure?
- I mean it, I'm sure... stay.

- Love you.
- Love you!

♪ Jump, jump, jump on it ♪

That's it.
Oh, oh, we gotta go for it.

- Oh, yeah.
- Okay, up... good.

Good, Sherry, Candy.

- Oh!
- Oh!

- All right, come on.
- There you go, over!

Get it, get it, get it!

Oh, sorry!

Shake it off.

All right, team, let's go... whoo!

Game point, game point!

♪ Jump on it and ride ♪

♪ Jump, jump, jump on it ♪

♪ Jump, jump... ♪

All right, okay... okay.

That was hard!

Ugh, holy cow, my hamstrings.

Oh, you oughta think
about getting

some new shoes, then,
with a better grip on 'em.

I was poking around
Sears the other day,

and I saw they had
the new Winner Ils.

It's good shoe,
% off, good deal.

Thinking about gettin'
'em myself.

Oh, yeah?
Sounds like a good deal.

Get some water. Oh...

- Good game... good game.
- Good game, Allan.

Good game.

Well, looky there,
that was fast.

He must have passed Bill
in the driveway.

Well, how long is she supposed

to wait till she can be happy?

'Scuse me.

Hey, Jackie, who is this fella?

Hi, I'm Chuck.

Hey, Candy.
Such a pleasure to meet you.

I've heard
nothing but nice things.

Oh, well you haven't
heard the full story.

Come on, Allan.

Oh, nice, Allan.

All right, who's there?

Oh!

Ooh... ooh!
Yes, baby.

Let's keep it going.

Oh, get it, baby!

Okay, over... Candy! Up, up!

Oh!

Come on, Bets.

It's just a few days.

Okay, let's go back in.

- Davey!
- What?

I can see you.

I'm not doing anything.

- David!
- What?

It makes him poop real bad.

He can't have people food,
right, Mom?

Yes, that is right.

If you don't want to eat,

you can go to bed
without supper.

Is that what you'd like?

I don't care.

Excuse me?

Go to your room, please.

Go!

Mom, I can't find
my new ballet shoes!

Jason, quit it!

Dad, he's doing it again!

Can, Becky says you know
where her skate key is.

It's in the jar
with the spare change.

Rabbits are crappin'
on the walk again,

but I hosed it off.

That's why my shoes
are in the garage.

Doubletree Hotel, Minneapolis,

how can I help you?

Yes, good evening, may I have
Allan Gore's room, please?

One moment please,
let me connect you.

Honey, I can't just
leave early because you had...

I know, I...

Okay?

Of course.

I love you.

I didn't whisper it.

Honey, there's nobody here!

I-I love you!

Okay?

Yeah.

I'll be home soon.

Okay, bye now.

Named a perfume after me.

Yes, a lady friend of mine

uses one of your perfumes,
very persuasive.

We have to talk
about Julie, don't we?

Yes we do, sorry.

I want to know more
about the circumstances

that caused her death.

♪ Music is fun to me ♪

♪ What about you,
whatchu gonna do? ♪

♪ Get up, oh, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Music is fun to me ♪

♪ What about you,
whatchu gonna do? ♪

♪ Get up, oh ♪

You're definitely having sex.

Is that right?

Yes, I was watching y'all
at volleyball.

That was, for sure,
two people who are having sex.

That was two people
who had not had sex.

Oh...

If we'd played
the following night,

it would have been
a different story.

Oh, so that was
first time foreplay?

- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my gosh.

- So how was it?
- Yeah.

It was fun.

You can do better than that.

- What can I tell you?
- It was thoroughly enjoyable.

Oh, that was bad.

- Yeah, it was bad all right.
- No.

I hadn't been with anyone
but Bill in years.

It was weird.

And then it was sexy.

And then...

A lot of fun.
Yes, ma'am.

Just seeing
a new man undress, ooh!

It was like Christmas.

I wish Santa would
come to my house.

Ho, ho, ho!

Is he gonna
come down your chimney again?

Ooh, send him down my chimney.

- Stop it!
- Ho, ho, ho!

What else? Every detail.

- Oh. No.
- Candy.

Everything.
Start from the beginning.

Settle down, please.

- Oh, you're dead.
- You're it.

No, you're it.

Settle down, please!

Mom?

Mom!

Mom!

I am not coming out
until you settle down!

No, you're it.

I'm gonna get you anyway.

Are you sure?

Then how have you
haven't caught me yet?

Stop that, David, stop that!

David... stop... David!

Grow up.

I will hit you.

You threatened to smack him?

Well, I would never
actually hit anyone.

Course, I know that,
Bets, but he doesn't.

Well, it was a crisis
situation, Allan.

I had to do something,
and it worked.

Do you know where he came from?

He needs discipline,
he craves it.

Look, I'll make it up to him.

Larry was pretty miffed
that you called again.

Well, I think
Larry should know better

than to send a husband,
a father out on the road.

Oh, come on,
it was hours, honey.

- You counted?
- Hmm?

- What?
- You counted.

Oh...

You try and be so macho,

but I know you hate being away.

Oh... corned beef hash.

Corned beef hash
for my best guy.

Yeah, it's good.

Do we have any ketchup?

Kids, breakfast!

I want cereal.

Your mother
made corned beef hash.

Now, you need the vitamins.

Just have a little.

Oh, you like the toast, Davey?

That's good.

Thank you, honey.

So...

somebody has
a birthday coming up, right?

How would you like
to have a birthday party?

You'd like it... you would?

Okay, well,
I reckon it's settled.

We'll have a party... oh, wait.

We might have invitations
left over

from Christina's party
last year.

- Ketchup?
- No, thanks.

So you can pass them out
at school and invite

all your friends,
it's gonna be so fun.

Here we go.

Aren't they cute?

Stop it.

You're not stopping.

Oh, well, where am I gonna
get my sexy stories from now?

Well, I'm gonna spend
all the time I was spending

with you having a wild affair
with someone.

Well, that's a terrible idea.

Why... why should you
be allowed to have all the fun?

First of all,
that's not what I did.

I ended a marriage,
which was not fun.

And second, infidelities
are a real messy place to be.

It's not what you want.

I'm speaking as your pastor now.

Well, you're not
my pastor anymore.

Honey,
I'll always be your pastor.

And you can always call me
if you need to talk.

You have my number.
Yeah, okay.

I don't want to have
to add you to the list

of things I gotta
worry about right now.

Oh, I know, I'm sorry.

I'm gonna be fine.

- Here.
- I like my smut to rhyme.

Check out Love and Sleep.

You know, we should really
write one of these together,

you know,
something really nasty.

Swarthy young oil rigger
just needs to be tamed.

I'm hugging you,
and then I am driving off,

and that's that, mm-kay?

- Okay.
- Come here.

Okay, honey.

Don't go.

Okay.

Bye.

Bye.

Oh, Lord.

Ugh.

Ugh.

You're supposed to have
more than two players.

Ugh.

Pick that up, please.

The Olcotts said their Stuart

never got the invite,
just like the Snyders.

Davey, did you pass out those
invitations like I told you?

They were for girls.

That doesn't matter.
Did you distribute them?

Dad, we can drive around
and ask some

of the kids,
I bet they'd still come.

No, you will not.

I gave you invitations
to give to your friends

for your birthday party.

You didn't do that, did you?

Betty.

Actions have
consequences, David.

Hey, you didn't follow up
with the parents?

He's seven years old.

He's eight, and that is
old enough to know that people

don't just magically
appear at a birthday party.

All right.

I don't like it here.

Excuse me?

We can still have fun.

I wanna leave.

This is your home,

and in this house,
we respect ourselves,

each other, and our possessions.

Now, pick up this mess.
No!

Pick it up.

I hate it here.

Hey, cut it out!

I hate it here, and I hate you!

You don't know what it's like.

I'm not the bad guy, Allan.

Who's here to help me?

You're not here half the time.

Our friends? Oh.

One of them has a baby,
and there's parties, showers.

I go to every single one
of those and just stand

in a room and smile
while they ignore me.

But when I wanted
to take in this child

that nobody else
wanted... nothing.

Not a call,
not an offer of help.

Betty, you gotta get
ahold of yourself.

I can't handle another
person in this house

who doesn't want to be here.

"I wist not what,
saving one word:

"delight.

"And all her face
was honey to my mouth,

"and all her body,

"pasture to mine eyes.

"The long lithe arms
and hotter hands than fire,

"quivering flanks,

"hair smelling of the South.

"The bright light feet,

"the splendid supple thighs,

and glittering eyelids
of my soul's desire."

What do you think?

I like it.

Because it's so...

Bright?
Yeah, mmhmm.

- I agree.
- No.

I liked that it rhymed.

I didn't think it was going to,
but then it did.

I like trying to guess
what the rhyme's gonna be, so.

This one really threw me
for a loop.

Yeah, she's really good.

- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Hmm.

Okay, I'm gonna get a jog in.

Okay.

Hello?

So tell me again why I'm not
supposed to have an affair.

Candy, because you have
a wonderful life

and you don't want
to blow it up.

But I wouldn't.

That's what they all say.

It would just be
for a little distraction,

some spice, I mean, why not?

Feelings will happen,
they always do.

But they don't have to.

I don't know,
that's not what I see.

He just sits here,
mouth breathing on the couch.

I mean, don't I deserve
more than that?

What did they say?

It's fine.

They said it happens
a lot, so...

Bad fit.

You must think I'm a monster.

Bets, cut it out.

When someone is troubled,
it's hard to take care of them.

You did your best.

You're going
to volleyball tonight?

I missed one practice already.

You know they count on me.

Don't go.

Was Davey sad?

No, he's gonna be fine,
sweetheart.

They're gonna make sure to find
just the perfect home for him.

Take care of your mom
while I'm at practice.

We can watch Mork & Mindy, Mom.

Oh, nano-nano.

Service!

No feet, y'all, no feet.

Ugh!

One more.

What'd you say
about no feet, Candy?

Two can be pissed off,
so what if you are.

All right, you two, break it up!

Come on!

You got it. You got it!

Nice!

Hey, Candy.

Please don't say anything
or I'm never

gonna get this out.

But I find you

attractive...

and, well,
I'd like to have an affair.

Okay, well, good night, Allan.

Candace, what did you do then?

I grabbed the axe.