01x03 - Overkill

[bunniefuu]

Let's talk logistics
if we were to move forward.

All right.

So we're gonna do it
every other week

on a Tuesday or Thursday

because Jason's in preschool
those days,

and three out of four will be
plenty enough to cover errands.

It should be a motel.

Yes, somewhere close
to your office.

I'll bring lunch so we can have
your entire break.

I will handle check in,
clean up, same reason.

- Always pay cash.
- Of course.

But I do think it's important

that we split costs afterwards...

Right down the middle so
there's no sense of... you know.

Oh, and um, most important rule.

If either of us start
to develop feelings

for the other, it's over,
right then and there.

I mean,
that's how you get caught.

Oh, and never call the house.

Not even if you know
that Pat is not gonna be home.

Becky and Jason are smarter
than you think.

I still have to go
by the deli.

Well, we don't wanna
get caught before we start.

If we start.

The longer you delay,
the more I'm gonna expect

from you,
in terms of the bedroom.

I realize that.

Allan Gore.

I'm pregnant.

Oh, my God.

Are you sure?

I just came from the doctor.

Oh, my God.

Why are you crying?

'Cause I still haven't gotten

the baby weight off
from Christina.

And the second one's
supposed to be even worse.

- Oh, who cares?
- You care.

I don't care.

Yes, you do, and you know
what I'm talking about.

Okay, I'm not having
this conversation at work.

I'm telling you right now,

this better not be
like last time, okay?

Okay, yeah.
Love you, honey. Bye.

It's me.

Let's do it.

Now, what did I say
about calling the house?

Oh, I like that shirt on you.

Oh, thanks.

- Have a great day.
- Thank you.

Bye.
Bye.

Oh, great.

I'm starving.

Oh, she just has no respect
for what I do.

I mean, any little question
pops into her head,

she'll just call me
at the office.

Well, we've eaten everything.

Yes, we sure have.

Thank you.

Aren't you gonna do anything?

Not if you're not going to.

- Well, I have news.
- Oh?

I have taken a lover.

What?

Wow. Okay. Uh, who is it?

- No, I can't.
- You come on.

If you keep digging, I'm not
gonna tell you anything at all.

All right.

I just can't have this thing
getting out.

You know, I don't want
the other wives to feel like

I'm some kind of a thr*at.

- I knew he was married.
- Sherry.

I... Fine.

Yesterday was the first time.

Where?

At a motel,
a sleazy one in Dallas.

Jesus.
Were you nervous or what?

Honestly, I was just
so worried that the sex

was gonna be average.

And I know it
makes me horrible...

It does not.

I just don't wanna go through
all this trouble

if it's something
I can have at home, you know?

I mean, if I'm gonna risk
my whole life,

I just want fireworks.

And?

Let me have that
little screwdriver...

You... Candance Montgomery,
if you don't gimme details

this second, I'm gonna take
the little screwdriver

and I'ma shove it in your ear.

I think he might have
the most beautiful penis

I've ever seen.

Mommy! Mommy!
Watch our dance.

Watch our dance.

I'm watching, girls.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Mom, it wasn't over.

It's so sweet that these
girls have become friends.

- I know.
- Isn't it? Yeah.

All we hear
from Christina these days

is Becky this, Becky that.

She's just so happy
to have a friend.

Well, she is welcome
over anytime for a sleepover.

Aww.

I remember when I looked like
that and thought I was fat.

You're not fat.

Just feel like a tub of lard,

and it's just going
to get worse.

I'm pregnant.

Oh, my God, Betty.
Congratulations.

Is this hormones already?

No.

Maybe.

Pregnancy is magical
and everything,

but last time...

I just felt really alone.

Well, you're...
You're not really ever alone.

That's true.

You got Allan.

Allan didn't, um,

pay much attention to me

when I was pregnant
with Christina.

The weird thing is, he's been
looking really good lately.

I wonder if he's got this
Madonna-whore complex thingy,

you know, where the baby is
making it impossible for him

to look at you
as a sexual creature.

It's very common,
says Ladies' Home Journal.

Well.

Oh, God, that sounds really bad.

No, it's good that
he sees you as the Madonna.

You just gotta remind him
that you can also be the...

You know what.

You know, nobody else
talks to me like this.

You're welcome.

I mean...

I'd like to host
your baby shower.

- You don't have to.
- Nonsense.

I've got the best party house.

You do. Um.

I don't know what to say.

- Well, just say yes.
- Yes.

Okay. It's settled then.

It's settled.

She just told me the news,

and I just...
I couldn't help myself.

I was overwhelmed,
and I offered.

Why would you offer that?

Because I have
the best party house.

And I think I might be
her only friend.

Congratulations, by the way,

you can already start to see
her cute little belly.

Well, we should get on with it.

Come over here
and unzip me, please.

Yep.

Is there something else
you wanna try this time,

you just let me know, okay?

I've just been really hormonal,

but I've decided I'm not
going to do that anymore.

For the next seven months,

I'm-I'm going to have
a positive attitude.

Okay.

Betty, what are you doing?

What if tonight...

I'm not Betty?

What is this?

Well,

Candy said it's really simple.

Candy?

I'm the mother
of your children,

but that's not all I am.

What's wrong?

Why are you talking
to Candy Montgomery

about our sex life?
I'm not talking to...

You think Candy and Pat
are having some kind

of great sex or something?

I-I don't know.

No, I'm just,
I'm-I'm trying to understand

where all this is coming from.

It's coming from... I...

I love you, that's it.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Dog needs a walk.

Has everyone had a chance
to review my proposal?

Yes, we read it.

grand. Are you nuts?

It is a rather high number.

The parsonage is in bad shape.

The toilet needs replacing,
there's exposed insulation

coming out
of a hole in the paneling.

Well, this isn't
the Ewing ranch.

We all work on our own homes.

Maybe it'd be more helpful

if we went through
the items one by one.

Would you like me to suggest

what I think you should do
with the items one by one?

We are with you
on the money issue.

As far as
we're concerned, his proposal

is dead on arrival.

That man has lost his mind.

Now, when you were being
rather direct

with Reverend Ron...

Marriage Encounter
has taught us

that sometimes when we're angry
about one thing,

it's really
about something else.

Marriage Encounter?

Mm-hmm.
We gave it a sh*t,

and we're more connected now
than we've ever been.

Well, um,
Allan and I are fine.

Oh, Marriage Encounter
isn't for problem marriages.

No, it's just a community
of love and support.

Our favorite is the love ring.

Mm-hmm.

I don't... is that a sex thing?

- Oh, no.
- Blessings.

- Hey.
- Goodbye, Elaine.

No, it's a phone.

See, one couple will call
another couple any ole time.

They'll let it ring once
and they hang up.

Just a little something
to let 'em know

they're thinking about 'em.

They're very smart.

It's beyond psychology.

It's about emotions.
Mmhmm.

So it's for good marriages,

and we're all just here
to help each other.

And well, it affects
all sorts of things.

All right.

I'm gonna get a jog in.

I'm having feelings for you.

What?

Yeah, um,

I caught myself staring at you
at choir practicing, and...

Well, don't worry,
nobody noticed.

But I... this is gonna have
to be the last time.

- At choir practice?
- Mm-hmm.

Can we talk about it?

Well, a rule is a rule.

Well, we can't just stop.

Well, we have to.

It has been fun
while it's lasted.

Oh, you gotta go.

Allan.

This can't be the last time,
Candy.

Well, it has to be...

I know. I don't care.

I need it.

- Need what?
- You, I...

Your body.

The way that it moves.

I haven't had enough.

You're gonna be late.

I don't care.

- Allan?
- Yeah?

Could you look up from that?

Yeah.

I wanna do something with you,

and it's very important to me.

And I really think
it could help us.

Okay.

I wanna try
Marriage Encounter.

The "Ask me about ME" thing
that the Lockets do?

I know it sounds really corny,

but it's supposed to be amazing.

And I really think
we could have fun with it.

Hey, I think
it's a great idea.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Welcome.

Everybody get a donut?

Well, you followed
the treasure map,

answered the Sphinx's riddle,
and you...

Honey, what is it?

Said the magic word.

Oh, I get it wrong every time.

Well, you made it.

Welcome to the Marriage
Encounter weekend retreat,

where Mary Lou and I,
we're gonna help you

fall in love with your spouse
all over again.

And there's only
one way to do that.

That's right.

We're gonna cr*ck open your
relationships like a coconut.

Scoop all the meat out.

Now I know some of the men here
aren't very relaxed right now.

You worked hard all week.

You earned your time on
the golf course this weekend.

And why a whole weekend, Jack?

Well, let me answer that
question with another question.

How many of you go on,
you know, business trips,

weekend work seminars,
corporate retreats,

that type of thing?

Mm-hmm.

Good. Good.

Mm-hmm.

If you're willing to invest
three days for your career,

why not invest it in the most
important relationship

in your entire life?

Okay, here we go.
It's Friday night.

Kids are in bed.

Betty's cleaned up after supper.

You're on the couch watching TV.

I'm sure this is a familiar
occurrence in the Gore home,

but tell me this.

What happens next?

- Can I say something?
- Yes. Turn to him.

Speak directly to him.

What are you doing
for yourself sexually?

Well...

Because I understand
your appetite going down

while I'm pregnant, it's...

But it just would really help me

if I knew
what it was you were doing.

Betty, this isn't...

Is this what we're supposed
to be doing?

Whoop, whoop. Whoop.
Time out, time out. Okay.

Allan, now, first of all,

I know you're probably
listening to all this

and everything's beep-bop,
beep-bop, bee-beep, right?

Computers guy?

But you're gonna answer
Betty's question

in graphic detail, okay?

And anything else that comes up

'cause here's the secret,
all right?

Before we get started,

you're gonna make a commitment
to each other.

You're gonna commit right now
to stay in this marriage

no matter what is said
in this room.

- That's how this works.
- Hmm?

Very smart people who came up
with Marriage Encounter studied

a lot of couples,
hundreds of them.

And they found
that the number one impediment

to honest communication is fear.

Fear of it disrupting
the marriage.

So, um, we kind of make
a promise to each other

that we're not gonna
hold anything

against each other
no matter what it is?

Without that, how could
we be really honest?

- Hey.
- Hey.

- How was the weekend?
- It was tough but good.

- Hi, Daddy.
- Good.

Hey, honey, come on.

Thank you so much.
Sure.

Okay, hop in.

Hey, how you doing? You okay?

Is it okay to open this?

It's fine.

Hey.

Oh, I was thinking,
can't we just nuke these?

No, because they have
these fun little metal handles,

and of course the princess
just had to have Chinese.

My g*dd*mn luck,
they forgot to put the...

They forgot to put
the fortune cookies in the bag.

Okay. What is going on here?

I'm f*cking Allan.

- What?
- If you ever repeat that,

I swear I'll tell everyone
you slept with Pat.

- He's the beautiful penis?
- Sherry.

Just... I'm trying
to understand.

I mean, how-how do you go
from that

to hosting her baby shower?

Who else was gonna do it?

And besides, we have
the best party house.

We... oh, Lord, honey.

Allan Gore?

Isn't that kind of
a lateral move?

Give me a break, Sherry.

Who else is there?

May I present the woman
of the hour, Mrs. Betty Gore.

- There she is.
- Oh!

So beautiful.

I can't...

Goodness.

Y-you did too much.
This is so beautiful.

Oh, my God, Betty.

This is the best
you've ever looked.

Honestly, you're one hot mama.

Thank you.

This is when I was gonna
pop that champagne.

- What?
- Nothing.

- Sweetheart, I'm gonna go.
- Oh, can't you stay?

Oh, no, I was gonna
get a-a new belt

for the mower
and get the lawn done.

You could do that later.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Sure.

- I'll see if Pat's around.
- Okay.

Oh, is Valerie not just
the most perfect name?

It is the perfect balance.

Classic but not old fashioned,

ripe for a comeback
but not overused.

And I said it before,
but I will say it again.

I mean, this is the best
you've ever looked.

Thank you.

What was that?

- What?
- You just winked at her.

Well, that glow,
it's not the baby.

- Oh?
- It's Marriage Encounter.

Oh!
Oh, you're still doing that?

Yeah, we just became
Flame Leaders.

- Whoo-hoo!
- Whoo!

That's great.

You know, Pat and I tried that,

but we just didn't
really think it was for us.

We left after one night.

But, um, I'm, uh,
really happy for you.

Y'all excuse me
just for one sec.

Jesus.

She knows.

- I don't think so.
- She does, and he told her.

Okay, there's no possible way.

That's what they do
in Marriage Encounter, okay?

They share everything.

Look, I thought
it was wife swapping.

That's why it stopped,
'cause she knows.

No normal woman would come
to this house if she knew

that you were sleeping
with her husband.

Was.

He's canceled
our last two rendezvous.

Oh.

Candy said you got a new job.

Yeah, yeah.

Super Circuits?

Consumer Circuits.

I haven't heard of it.

Well, it's new,
so you wouldn't have.

It's not without risks.

But you only live once.

And getting in
on the ground floor

does have its advantages.

Lots of upsides.

Yeah, I'd love be out there
cowboying it with you,

but you know, TI just treats me
too damn good.

You're overworking your meat.

It's first rule of grilling,
you only wanna flip 'em once.

- So sweet.
- It's not for you.

Betty should try it on.
You should try it on.

I'm gonna check your bag
at the end of this thing.

Oh, look.

Of course, somebody
had to be the practical one.

That's perfect.

I will be thanking you for
this when I run out one night.

Miss Candy,
can I use your phone?

Oh, sure, it's in the kitchen.

Who are you calling
in the middle of a party?

- It's Jeffrey.
- Oh, come on.

I must confess.
I miss my husband.

Oh, Lord.

- Go and call your man.
- She's serious.

- Yeah.
- Oh, my goodness.

I would be calling Allan too
if he wasn't right outside.

I like to keep him
where I can see him these days.

Well, Tom and I found out

we get along a lot better
after a little time apart.

And I mean come on, y'all,

you Marriage Encounter people,

I mean, it is just
talk, talk, talk.

- I can hear you.
- I-I know.

Well, you know, talking
can be very, um, energizing.

Absolutely.

It's so scary at first,

but, um, once you really get
intimate with your husband,

you would be shocked
at the untapped emotion

that you have inside.

Passion and tenderness, but...

Also forgiveness and acceptance.

- It's very true.
- Amen.

What about a little thing
called privacy?

Because honestly,
last thing I really want

is to have Pat Montgomery
knowing everything I do

and think every second
of the day.

Can I see you in the kitchen?

Well, that may work for you.

But once Allan and I
got rid of all our secrets,

our marriage
has never been better.

- What happened?
- Nothing.

I-I was waiting for you.

Um.

Well, I am so touched
by your generosity,

all of you.

I haven't had friends like this
since I moved to Texas,

so it means a lot.

But, um, I wanted to say
something to Candy.

The compassion and friendship
you've shown me

over the past few months...

Has touched me
in a very deep way.

You've been there for me

through some
really hard times...

And I'll never forget it.

Oh, thank you.

You told her, didn't you?

Not here, please.

Did you tell her?

No.

- Who are you lying to?
- Her or me?

I didn't tell her.

'Cause I don't need her
going around

using my life
as gossip to make friends.

The only affair that came out

in Marriage Encounter
was Betty's.

Betty's?

Yes, a long time ago.

Look, um,

the Marriage Encounter, um,

I think it's working.

I mean, it's a lot of work,
and I think...

I think I should probably
focus on that.

If it's working,
we should stop.

That's kind of what
I was thinking.

Things are better, I-I think.

For everyone.

And thank you

for being her friend, it...

It means a lot to her,
and to both of us.

Of course.

Hey, Christina, you're just
in time for Parcheesi.

- Get in there.
- Come in!

Hi, Candy.

- Where is that baby?
- Oh, with Allan.

I actually,
I have a few minutes.

Okay.

Oh, um...

Did I do something wrong?

I just feel like
we were so close.

And I haven't heard
from you since the baby.

Oh, no, nothing's wrong.
I've just been so busy.

Good.

But would you...

I'm sorry, I've gotta get.

When it comes to board games,
we don't screw around.

Right.

Okay, um, well, do you
wanna have lunch sometime?

Sure, see you soon. Bye.

I won!

Wait, we haven't even started.

Where is the starting position?

Before the game starts,
each player has to move

all their four of their pawns
in the start area, that's here.

No, that's the home.

So you need to put them
in the start,

which is over
in the corner there.

So to enter a pawn, a five
must be thrown on the dice.

Is that on one die...
All right, who wants sundaes?

Butterscotch!
Butterscotch!

Are you seriously
gonna make sundaes?

- Why not.
- You're the best, Mom.

- Yeah, she is.
- Aww, thank you.

Oh, sh**t, that's Sherry.

I totally forgot
about English class.

No!

Do we still got sundaes?

Yeah. Come on.
Let your mom have her fun.

No, it's-it's okay.

I'll just tell her
I can't make it tonight.

Go... I'll take care
of the sundaes.

You go to class.

Okay. Thanks, hon.

Oh, hey, hon, would you mind
throwing some fudge

in the microwave
before you leave?

Maybe chop up some peanuts?

Of course.

What is in this bag?

Candace Montgomery,
what in the world?

- We are playing hooky.
- We are?

Mm-hmm. Just drive.
Okay.

- Love ring.
- Mm-hmm.

I wonder who that was.

We don't have to do this
if you don't want to.

Of course I want to.

You always feel
better after, right?

- I do.
- Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, baby.
Shake it, baby.

Bye.

How was class?

It was great.