01x05 - Have I Got a Deal for You

[bunniefuu]

Get him! Come on!
Hit him harder!

Smash him good!

Shocksquatch: [ grunts ]

Whoo!

Shocksquatch: Rrrrrrrah!

Rrrrrrrrr...

Unh!

[ crowd cheers ]

Unnnnnh!

Just hand me your new Omnimatrix, Ben
Tennyson, and this can all be over.

Shocksquatch: Well, sure.
Since you asked so nicely.

[ grunts ]

Ohh!

Shocksquatch: Oh, geez.
Don't mention it.

Hokestar: Say there, my good
fellow, could I interest you in ...

[ gasps ]

Ma'am, I can see that a lovely
creature such as yourself ...

[ deep voice ]
Not interested.

Hokestar: My apologies, sir.

Ooh. Why, it looks to me that
you may be in need of a ...

[ speaking alien language ]

Hokestar: What has so
distracted you poor suckers?

Jackpot.

[ both grunting ]

Shocksquatch: Last chance for
you to quit while you're ahead.

Last chance for you to keep
your head.

Shocksquatch: [ chuckles ]

That was like a joke, but
smaller.

Aah!

Shocksquatch: Aaaaaaah!

This isn't over!

[ beep ]

Ben: Looks to me like is!

Hokestar: Congratulations, my boy!

I saw what you just did.
Wonderful!

Wonderful. Yes, indeed.
Absolutely superlative.

But if you want to prevent
that run-down feeling after

transforming from beast to boy,

what you need is a bottle of
Professor Hokestar's miracle elixir!

Ben: Who with the what, now?

x - Have I Got a Deal for You

♪ Ben ♪

♪ he's a kid, and he wants to have fun ♪

♪ but when you need a superhero,
he gets the job done ♪

♪ Ben ♪

♪ with a device that he wears on his arm ♪

♪ he can change his shape and
save the world from harm ♪

♪ when trouble's taking place ♪
♪ he gets right in its face ♪

♪ Ben ♪

♪ when lives are on the line ♪
♪ it's hero time ♪

♪ Ben ♪

Hokestar: This is the
opportunity of a lifetime!

Professor Blarney T. Hokestar's
miracle elixir will change everything!

Ben: Yeah... thanks,
but no, thanks.

Hokestar: [ mutters ]
And how about you, my friends?

Do you, too, doubt the voracity of my
fantastic formula's amazing attributes?

What's that you say?
What's that?

You demand a brief demonstration?

[ aliens murmur ]

Get a job, ya bum!

Hokestar: Then might I have an
able-bodied volunteer from the audience?

If you please, somebody?
Anybody?

Uh, I-I'll do it.

Hokestar: Excellent, my boy.

Splendid. A perfect specimen.
Yes, indeed.

Now, just for clarity's sake,
we've never met before, have we?

N-No, boss ...
I-I mean, professor. We have not.

Hokestar: And your name, my good sir?

They call me Plugg ...
Solid Plugg.

Hokestar: Yeah, of course you
are, dear boy.

And now, are you ready to have
your world forever transformed?

Sure. Why not?

Hokestar: Just sprinkle a few
drops of my miracle elixir on

your scalp, rub vigorously, and in
a mere matter of moments... voilá !

A rich, full head of...
flowers!

[ chuckles nervously ]
Yes, yes.

And not even in season,
don't you know.

Uh, um, yeah, um, uh...
it is a miracle.

I was bald merely moments ago,
and now, forsooth, I am not.

[ wind whistles ]

Hokestar: Now, who will be
the next among you to partake of

my miracle elixir, huh?
Only two taydens a bottle.

Oh, not bad.

- I'll take one.
- I'll take two.

Hokestar: As you can see,
my boy, business is booming.

Ben: Doesn't prove a thing.

Like they say, there's
one born every minute.

Hokestar: Oh, well, t...
there's nothing I appreciate

better than the
challenge of a hard sell.

[ chuckles ]

Allow me to try and
change your tiny mind, hmm?

Ben: You're wasting your time.

Hokestar: But it's my time to
waste, now, isn't it?

Welcome, welcome, welcome

to Professor Blarney T. Hokestar's
extraterrestrial emporium, lad.

If you cannot find it here,
it probably doesn't exist.

[ click ]

Ben: Seems like it's just a
bunch of old second-rate ...

[ gasps ]

Where did you get this
"Sumo Slammers" action figure?!

I've never seen one like it before.

Hokestar: Special limited
edition only available from the

concessionaires of Budokan.
Fewer than ever made.

If you like it, it's yours, my
boy, with my compliments.

Ben: Why so generous?

Hokestar: Oh, it wouldn't be the
worst thing in the universe to have

a one-man superhero team as a
spokesman for my elixir, now, would it?

Ben: I guess you and your
stuff may look kind of weird,

but it all seems harmless enough.
Let me think about it.

Hokestar: Oh, that's all I ask, my lad.

[ sumo slammer squeaks ]

How'd it go, professor?
Did you get him?

Hokestar: Patience, Plugg.
He'll come around.

[ beeping ]

Ben: Rook. You there?
It's Ben.

Rook: How did it go with sunder?

Ben: Quick.
He had to catch a flight.

Hey, can you look up a Professor
Blarney T. Hokestar on the extranet?

Rook: Certainly.

Professor Blarney T. Hokestar ...
an intergalactic flimflam man.

The plumbers don't consider
him a thr*at. Why do you ask?

Ben: Long story.
I just ran into him.

I guess it's not that long.

Rook: Well, should you need backup...

Ben: I promise I'll call you.
Later.

[ beep ]

[ imitating sumo fighter ]

Huh?

Ben Tennyson?
I've been looking for you.

Ben: Yeah?
Well, you just found me.

You're the guy that turns into
different aliens, right, dude?

Saving the universe is your thing.

Ben: Uh-Huh.

Then you, of all people,
should care that Hokestar's

holding a poor, harmless alien hostage!

Keeping it in deplorable
conditions, milking it for that

so-called "professor's"
so-called "miracle elixir," man!

Ben: Did you say "milking"?

Professor? You home?

Nobody here.
We'll have to come back later.

Dude, you just can't give up.

There's a c*ptive creature in
there, and it needs our help!

Like, right now!

Ben: You'd better be right.

[ beep ]

[ laughs ]
Sweet!

Spidermonkey: [ chatters ]

We really shouldn't be in here.

[ chatters ]

So try not to touch anything, okay?

What did I tell you?
This place is a horror show.

Spidermonkey: Eh.
More like a sideshow.

But it sure is creepy.
That, I'll give you.

[ chatters ]

So, where's this poor c*ptive
creature that you're so worried about?

[ tone sounds ]

Aah! Whoa!

Never mind. I think I found it.

Meet the Screegit ...

one of the most endangered
species in the whole universe.

[ squeaks ]

[ yawns ]

Ben: Aww! It's adorable!

[ chatters ]

Ben: Who's a cute widdle guy?
You are! Yes, you are!

Hey, man. That's not cool.
Don't talk down to him.

Ben: [ clears throat ]

Sorry.
What's with the energy globe?

This.

- Ben: O-Kay. That's disgusting.
- I know, right?!

Hokestar's using and abusing
this poor creature for profit.

All of nature's creatures deserve
to know what freedom looks like!

Free the Screegit!

Free the Screegit!

Hokestar: Freeze, you
miserable miscreants!

Move a muscle, and I will
blast you where you ...

Ohh!

[ w*apon cocks ]

Ben: Aah!

Ben: What did you do?!

Hokestar: Egads!
He just ran right out in front of me!

I-I-I-I-I-I didn't mean to!
I, uh ...

[ gasps ]

Whoa! That was a rush!

[ blows ]

Hokestar: My boy, oh, I-I
cannot begin to make proper

amends for my accidental
act of minor mayhem. I ...

Ben: You can start by putting
that thing away!

Hokestar: [ sighs ]

Oh, yes, yes.

Now, if I might be so bold as to
ask what precisely are you two

rapscallions doing in my
ship in the first place?

You know perfectly well who
I am and what I'm doing here.

Hokestar: Eh...
refresh my memory.

- I'm Pax, alien-rights activist.
- Ben: Wait. What?

[ clears throat ]

And we're here to free the poor
Screegit from its life of torment.

Hokestar: Torment?!

My boy, I am merely doing the
Screegit a kindness.

Like Earth cows, the milk in its

system needs to be relieved
with startling regularity.

What kind of fools do you take us for?

Hokestar: What are my options?

Ben: Uh, Pax, was it?

This Screegit thing
does seem pretty happy.

More like a pet, really, than a hostage.

What's the difference?

Hokestar: For one, I treat the
Screegit as if he were my own kin.

You keep your family
locked up in a cage?!

Ben: I think ...

Hokestar: It is for his own
safety, of course ... and ours.

Ben: You know, I was ...

You ... you can't do this!
It's, like, a travesty, man!

Hokestar: It's not up to you, radical!

Ben: All right, fine!
Ignore this!

Until I know what's what, the
Screegit's coming with me!

- No!
- No!

[ both shout ]

[ thud ]

- Every creature belongs to itself!
- Ben: Give me that back!

Hokestar: No! No! Gimme!
It's mine!

Not again! Nuh-Uh!

What the boss wants, the boss gets!

[ all grunting ]

[ growls ]

Ben: [ groans ]

[ coos ]

Ben: You're gonna be
really sorry you did that.

[ beep ]

[ electricity crackles ]

Aaaaaaaah!

[ thud ]

Ooh!

[ laughs ]

Tickles.

Ampfibian: Just my luck.

[ electricity crackles ]

[ chuckles ]

My turn.

[ squeals ]

Ohh!

Ampfibian: All yours, tough guy.

[ beep, beep ]

[ sighs ]

Ohh!

Ampfibian: Hang in there.
[ chuckles ]

Get back here, Ben Tennyson!

Solid Plugg's not finished with you!

Hokestar: You have no idea
what you're doing, my boy!

- Bring back the Screegit!
- No, no! Free the Screegit!

Ampfibian: Yeah, I'm on my
way in right now, Rook, and I've

got some rare Screegit with me.

Rook: You have a Screegit?!
On Earth?!

Ampfibian: Well, I took it from
a couple of aliens for safekeeping.

It's no big ...
[ glass shatters ]

[ moaning ]

[ beeping ]

[ people screaming ]

[ horn blares ]

Ben: Huh?

Whoa!

[ moans ]

Ben: What just happened?!

The galaxy's cutest fuzzball is
suddenly looking a lot less cute.

Rook: The Screegit's not just rare.

It's incredibly dangerous.

Ben: You don't say.

Rook: I'm on my way.

[ panting ]

W-where's the Screegit?

Ben: First start by telling
me what happened to it.

I have no idea. I mean, Screegits
usually only react like this in a

nitrogen-filled environment, but
you earthlings breathe oxygen.

Ben: Surprise! Earth's atmosphere
has nitrogen in it, too, pal.

- Well, why didn't you tell me?!
- Ben: Why didn't you ask?!

It's not the sort of thing that
just comes up in conversation.

"Oh, hi. My name's Ben.

My atmosphere is rich in
nitrogen. How's yours?"

[ footsteps thudding ]

[ tires screech ]

Aaaaaah!

[ people screaming ]

Please ... you got to stop it.
Without hurting it!

Ben: Yeah. Sure.

[ car alarm blares ]

[ people screaming ]

[ groans ]

[ beeping ]

So, what now, man?

Ben: So, I track him
down and capture him, man!

Come on, Fasttrack.

[ beep ]

Wildmutt: [ growls ]

Why are you a vulpimancer?

Wildmutt: [ growls ]

I don't know, man.
I'd never ride a fellow being.

It's degrading.
This is not right.

Wildmutt: [ growls ]

[ people scream ]

I tell you, man, this day just
keeps getting weirder and weirder.

Wildmutt: [ growls ]

Oh, man! It smashed
right through those tracks!

[ train whistle blows ]

And that makes the problem
substantially worse.

[ beep ]

Ben: [ grunts ]

Oh, come on. Seriously?
Are those keys in your pocket?

Sorry, dude!

Ben: All right, Omnitrix, I need
something big to stop that train.

You hear me?

[ beep ]

Juryrigg: Juryrigg?
How does this help anybody?!

[ beep ]

Grey matter: Grey matter?!
Seriously?

[ beep ]

Nanomech: Oh, come on, already!

[ beep ]

Blox: Oh, is this gonna hurt.

Yaaaaaaah!

Awesome!

- Blox: Glad you enjoyed it so much.
- So, what do we do now?

Hokestar: Use your noodle, my boy.
You're a segmentasapien.

Blox: Is that what I am?
I mean... so?

Hokestar: So? [ mutters ]
I have met your kind before!

If you transform your body to
surround the Screegit in an

airtight shell and allow me to
vacuum away the nitrogen, the

little dickens should revert to
a more containable size.

Blox: Okay. Stay back and let
me deal with king fuzzyface.

I'll yell when I'm ready for you.

Hokestar: I am at your beck and call.

Just remember...

[ grunts ]

...it's an innocent, harmless creature!

Blox: Tell that to
the transit authority.

[ people screaming ]

Blox: Hey! Droolmeister!
That's far enough.

[ belches ]

Blox: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,

Ow, ow, ow!

Still ow! Ow!

[ sighs ]

Less ow. Ow.

[ grunts ]

Blox: This is not gonna be easy.

[ grunts ]

Sorry to have to do this
to you, big fella. But...

No! As a duly deputized agent of
extraterrestrials for the ethical

treatment of aliens, I cannot
allow you to harm the Screegit!

[ chomps ]

Hey!
I'm on your side, man!

Hokestar: Quick, now!

Before the cursed creature
becomes too big to contain!

Blox: I'm working as
fast as I can, here.

[ car alarm blares ]

[ growls ]

[ glass shatters ]

Please! Leave him alone!

Aah!

Unh!

Blox: Now, professor! Now!

Hokestar: On my way, my boy!

Blox: Hurry!

[ grunts ]

Can't keep this up...

[ grunts ]

...much longer.

[ motor starts ]

Professor?

Hokestar: [ sighs ]
It's over, my lad.

You can let go of it now.

[ beeping ]

There you are, precious.
Back to your rightful form.

No!
The Screegit must run free!

Free the Screegit!

Does this guy ever quit?

Free the ...
Ooh!

Rook: We will take possession of the
creature now, thank you very much.

Go ahead! Lock me away!
Then I'll get to experience how

my caged alien brethren
and sister-en feel.

Ben: So it's a happy ending
for everyone.

Hokestar: Indeed!
And now, with your kind

permission, gentlemen, I shall
take my Screegit and be ...

Ben: Handcuffed to that
nutjob for a year if you so much

as think about touching that Screegit.

Hokestar: Screegit?
W-w-w-what Screegit?

Never heard of the
thing before in my life.

[ chuckles ]
No, indeed.

Now, if you'll forgive my hasty departure,
pleasure to make your acquaintance.

Looking forward to your endorsement
of my products, Ben Tennyson!

- Ben: Yeah, like that'll happen.
- Duh... boss?

Rook: The professor's
motives, I can understand.

That Pax fellow ... not so much.

Ben: He means well. Which
makes him even more dangerous.

Rook: Hmm.

[ grunting ]

Boss! Don't leave Plugg!

Plugg can't go back to the hoosegow!

[ plumbers grunt ]

[ grunting ]

Razzle-frazzle
red-spot plumbers!