03x07 - The Agreement

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Derry Girls". Aired: 4 January 2018 –; present.
British comedy and coming-of-age story that follows 16-year-old Erin and her friends as they grow up in the 1990s of Northern Ireland.
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03x07 - The Agreement

Post by bunniefuu »

Could this be the end?


No going back?

Because if this could end
decades of v*olence, death and fear,

then surely any concession,
no matter how difficult,

is worth it.

This is the point
SDLP leader John Hume

and the Yes Campaign will push
in these last crucial few days.

All right, Vicky?
You're looking well.

And you turn this week?

So I believe.

Happy birthday.
And also with you.


So we just need a wee photograph.
N sweat.

Of what?


And you're happy with this one?
Very much so.


So you need to read this
before the vote.

Is it any good? Well,
I mean, as peace treaties go...

Because I've just finished The Lion,
the Witch and the Wardrobe, and...

Yeah, it's not as good as that.


There you go. Use it wisely.

..a last call to the people
of Northern Ireland

to make sure that they register...
Vote yes in the referendum!

..they register their vote, no.

No, to g*n they've let out of
prison, and b*mb.

No, to any hope for peace,

for how can you have peace when
you release the g*n and b*mb

onto the street?

p mix, please.

That'll be pence.
pence for a IOp mix?

It's called inflation, dickhead.
Now get out!

That's beautiful...

Our lives will never be
the same again.

Goal! It's one nil!

Ole, ole, ole, ole!


Yessss! Yes!

I need to get past.

Some of the proposed reforms
have proved extremely controversial,

particularly the early release
of paramilitary prisoners.

And now, with only days
until the referendum takes place,

voters across the country must
get to grips with this booklet,

a -page document laying
out the Good Friday Agreement

in simple terms...
Simple terms!

Simple terms my arse.

I've read through
thon introduction bloody times.

I'm still none the wiser.

Well, according to Shauna Sharkey,

if you vote yes,
you're allowed to swing both ways.

What's that now?

Well, you can be Irish,
you can be British,

or you can be bi.

OK, I don't think "bi"
is the correct term.

Says here
you can hold both passports.

Two passports? That'd come in handy.
I'm forever losing mine.

I think I wouldn't mind being bi,
you know.

Have you made any friends yet?
A few.

Are they better than us?

Too long a pause, Clare!
Better how?

Academically, absolutely!

They're just very different.
Everything's different here.

And I get why Mammy wanted to move.

Derry just reminded her of Daddy
too much.

But it's a lot to navigate, girls,

you know, the language,
the culture, the cuisine.

You moved to Strabane, Clare.

It's minutes down the road
on the bus. If the traffic's good!

Don't roll your eyes at me, Erin.

How the...?
I can sense it.

At least I'll be back
for your th.

It's not my th, is it?
It's Orla's th.

My th was three months ago,

but our tight hole mas
wouldn't pay for two parties,

so instead
they've just amalgamated them.

Is there a theme?
Oh, yeah. Totally.

Well, come on then, what is it?
Literary greats. Monkeys...

Mammy, she agreed to literary

She signed off on it weeks ago.
Monkeys are class.

Stop it! You'll just have to
compromise, girls.

Compromising is all the rage.
Sure everybody's at it.

Just find a middle ground, girls.

Like, you know...
literary monkeys.

Literary monkeys.

And what would that involve,

Well, I don't know, Erin.
You work out the details.

I'm just an ideas woman.

Look, I'd be willing to settle
for gorillas.

But they're just big monkeys, Orla!

This is a disaster.
We haven't even got a band.

We wanted The Commitments.
The Commitments? Seriously?!

The CommitmenT.
One of them has gone solo.

Which one? The one from Derry
with the dark hair.

But we can't afford her,

and even if we could,
she's booked up until next year.

I'm not surprised.
She's some voice on her.

She's a walking instrument.

You put a bag over thon doll's head,
you'd swear it was Tina Turner.

Well, at least the parish hall's
sorted, I suppose. Aye. Aye.

Oh, God, aye,
that's all sorted.


Morning, everyone. Ah,
reading the old Agreement, I see.

I have to say,
I found it awful slow, myself.

Double Dutch is what it is.

Jesus, Eammon,
but you've some set of legs on you.

Do you think so, Sarah?
Oh, aye.

Tell us this. Do you exfoliate?

Not as far as I'm aware.

Well, they're a gift, Eammon.
May God give you good of them.

Thank you. Would you like a bowl
of porridge, Eammon?

I'm microwaving them.
I would surely.

Now, Gerry, I had a bit of bother
with the bathroom door.

It was sticking there.
No worries, Eammon.

I'll see to it later.
Great stuff.

I'll just leave it here then.

Right, I'd better pop up
and pull on me so.

What in the name...?

Don't start, Gerry.
When is he leaving?

Have a bit of sympathy.
The fella's roof fell in.

I'm starting to think
he might have had a hand in that.

He's our cousin! We can't just
throw him out on the street.

Especially not since
Mary k*lled his mother.

I did not k*ll his mother!
I'm at the end of me rope!

The man is a liability.
He's not that bad, love.


I think you'd better come up
and take a look at this.

Be right with you, Eammon!

For years, we have been divided.

Inflicting pain on each other.

In the name of what?

I am a Republican.

I am a Loyalist.

I am affronted.

Are the IRA famous
for their swordsmanship?

Hate. Hate.
Fear. Fear.

Pain. Pain.
Death. Death.

Is death an option?

Please do...

This isn't the way.

We shouldn't be enemies.

We should be neighbours.



Boke, boke, projectile boke.


Let's put the past behind us,

and let's choose hope.

Hope, hope, hope...


Thank you.

Food for thought, there.

The conflict here has led to
so many terrible atrocities...

..and now we must add
your play to that list.

Just one message
this morning, girls.

Quite an important one.

just alluded to,

a referendum is about to take place,

the outcome of which
could change the course of history.

To those of you
who have already turned ,

I strongly urge you
to exercise your right to vote.

It's your future.
Take it seriously.

On the other hand,
and I cannot stress this enough,

I have absolutely
no interest whatsoever

in any of your other
so-called rights.

I don't want to hear your thoughts
on the workload,

or the uniform,

or the fact that you have to
occasionally do my ironing.

Our Lady Immaculate
is not a democracy,

it is a dictatorship.

My house, my rules.

Is that understood?
ALL: Yes, Sister Michael.

In the name of
the Father, Son, Holy Spirit...

Has anyone actually decided
what way they're gonna vote

for this referendum thing?

Since when did you get
all political?

I'm not all political.
Not like Nelson Mandela.

I wish you were Nelson Mandela.

It's just...

Well, everyone keeps banging on
about what a big deal it is.

Well, its timing
couldn't be any worse.

Did they have to choose
the week of our party?

Talk about pulling focus.

I'm sorry, is the Good Friday
Agreement stealing your thunder?

A bit, yes.

You got the invites?

Literary greats and monkeys?

We're being avant-garde.
Is that like a type of monkey?


Tell me you haven't
just invited girls from school.

There'd better be fellas
at this thing,

otherwise it's gonna be a total
f*cking festival of the fanny.

Hi, guys! So, I'm having a bit of
a bash for my th on Saturday

and I just wanted
to invite you peeps along.

Seriously, Jenny,

you really don't do yourself
any favours.

We're actually having a party
on Saturday ourselves, so...

I think you spelt monkeys wrong.
Christ, Orla...

You might want to reconsider, Erin.

I'm sorry? I mean, I don't want
to sound arrogant, but...

What's the bet she says something
really f*cking arrogant now?

Your party's never gonna compete
with my party. And there we go.

Aren't you worried
that nobody's gonna show up?

Oh, yeah, Jenny,
it's a huge concern.

Champagne on arrival...

Real champagne?

Hors d'oeuvres... Is that
them wee tiny sandwich things?

I think so. Sure, they wouldn't
fill a f*cking hole in your tooth.

Magician, karaoke machine...

Pony rides!

Caricature artist...
Oh, my God.


She's having Riverdance
perform at her th birthday party?

Whoa... Why does everyone
lose their shit over Riverdance?

It's just Irish dancing, only
they wave their arms about a bit.

Giftbags to the value of £ .

Seriously? A selection of...
Stop reading, James!

Jesus Christ,
this is practically the Oscars.

Our party doesn't stand a chance.

That's not true, Erin.

And you've something
that Jenny Joyce doesn't have.

Integrity. What?

Yeah, you don't have integrity,

Then what do I have?

The Commitment.

So, I know her nephew, a bit,

and it turns out
he fancies the whole of me.

Story of my life.

And he said he can get her
to play your party

if I snog him
for three minutes and seconds.

That's really precise.

It's the length of Virtual Insanity
by Jamiroquai. Great track.

Oh, the best.
Oh, my God, Michelle...

You would do that for me?

That's just the kind
of selfless girl I am.

Can I have a crisp?
f*ck off!

Christ, not this fecker again...


I used to be quite good at this.
I don't care. Great.

What do you want?

Well, there's going to be
a bit of a shakeup at the diocese,

and, well, the feeling was that
I'd come and talk to you

because, you know, erm...

..we have a relationship.
We do not have a relationship.


So the Bishop wants you to know that
he's absolutely thrilled

with all the amazing work
you've done here over the years.

I'm ecstatic. But perhaps he thinks
it's time for a different challenge.

Pastures new and all that.

He wants me
to leave Our Lady Immaculate?

He thinks it's time.
And, well, you know, it's...

it's the nature of the game.
I'm not playing a game.

When things get too familiar,

too comfortable...

..you know, it can distract us
from the main focus.

Which is?


And...she's worried about that
herself, is she?


She passed these concerns on
to the Bishop personally?

Look, this is always difficult,
Sister, but can I be frank?

Be whoever you want.

It's best, in my experience, to make
peace with it, because ultimately...

..it's out of your control.


Mammy wants a bar
of dark chocolate.


This isn't dark chocolate.

You tell your ma to eat it

A'right, D Dog? OK, we need
some balloons, streamers...

Inflatable bananas. And
two bottles of that ropey tequila

that you keep under the counter.

It's dirt cheap
cos it fell off the back of a lorry.

Jesus, take an ad out in
the Derry Journal, why don't you?

Don't go mad now. I drank a quarter
bottle of this on Saturday night,

ended up having an argument
with a f*cking squirrel.

Squirrels are such arseholes.

Did you get glasses, Dennis?

They're very snazzy!

They're not snazzy.
They are a bit snazzy.

Not snazzy, all right?
They're just ordinary, normal,

everyday f*cking glasses.
Of course they are.

If you're Elton John.
You cheeky wee rat!

If I was your Niall I'd be begging
them to let me finish me stretch.

Nothing'd be worse than sharing a
house with you. f*ck off, Dennis.

And that's never actually gonna
happen anyway, so.

They're saying it might.

Well, I'm not gonna get my
hopes up.

OK, so I think I've got
a handle on the basics.

Everyone sit down.
I'll have a look at it later, Joe.

Sit! Jesus, Sarah,
but the wains will go berserk

when they find out
about this parish hall thing.

Let them.
I'm sick of the pair of them.

Why are we expected
to organise everything anyway?

We're not responsible for them.

We are responsible for them, Sarah.
We're their mothers.

Right, as far as I can make out,
this thing has two main aims.

Firstly, to stop us all k*lling
one another. Fair enough.

And secondly, to allow us
to govern ourselves from here,

rather than England.
From Derry?

I would say so. Would it not be
more likely to be Belfast?

Belfast is the capital. Aye,
but that was an oversight, Gerry.

They get rid of the British Army.

What will happen to the barracks?

There's no mention of the barracks.

It would make a great wee shopping
centre. We get a new police force.

Different uniforms as well, I hope.

I mean if they want Catholics
to join,

they're gonna have to find something
that works with our complexion.

Er, the release
of all paramilitary prisoners,

both flavours.

Both flavours?
Loyalist and Republican. Of course.

This is what I don't understand.

What happens to the lads
when they get out?

I mean, what does
an ex-paramilitary do? Gardening.

Have you any better suggestions?

Howdy, folks.

Are those shorts, Eammon?

They are surely, Gerry.
Are they my shorts?

That's right. I had a hoke about
in your drawers earlier.

Sarah said you wouldn't mind.
Did she now?

He didn't have a pair
of his own, Gerry,

and legs like that
should not be hidden away.

I'm sorry,
but I feel very strongly about this.

God, but I am freezing.
I wonder why.

Well, Gerry,
I didn't want to say anything,

but you're a bit tight
with the old heating, now.

Could all be doing with
a bit of a blast.

Well, you heard the man. Hm!

Where do we want Emily Bronte?

That's Jane Austen.

We are running dangerously low
on bamboo now, folks.

Are you doing like half monkey life,
half literary greats?

Or are you incorporating
literary greats into the jungle?

I have no f*cking idea, Clare.

Well, that's not good enough!

I mean, we could really be doing
with some clarity here, people,

because I'm starting to think you
guys haven't thought this through.

Michelle? Michelle?!

Is that your Uncle Colm?
That's Samuel Beckett.

One boring bastard
looks much like another, I suppose.

And there was something else
I wanted to talk to you about.

Er, right...

What was the face all about?

What face?

Earlier, when Dennis was talking
about Niall, you did a face.

I didn't do a face.

You did a face, Erin.
You did a face like this.

I...would never do that face.

I couldn't do that face.

That face,
it isn't even in my repertoire.

Oh, it's in your repertoire
all right, Erin.

I've seen you whip it out
over a dozen times,

usually when you find something
hard to believe.

What was hard to believe, Erin?

It was just when you said that you
didn't want to get your hopes up.

Yeah? You don't actually think
he should get out, do you?

He's me brother.
He k*lled someone.

I know that, Erin. I'm not sure
we should be talking about this.

Isn't this exactly
what we should be talking about?

I mean, we have to vote on it.

It wasn't supposed to happen
the way it did.

I'm sure that poor man's family
takes great comfort in that.

These things, they're not
black and white, Erin. Aren't they?

Nothing about this place is!

Well, I think the fact
that you shouldn't k*ll people

is pretty black and white.

Oh, awkward, awkward, awkward,
awkward, oh, God, it's so awkward!

f*ck off, Erin.
And what would you know, anyway?

You're nothing but a spoilt,
selfish, sheltered wee brat.

And for you information, Erin,

I didn't agree to snog that fella

so you would have a Commitment
play at your pishy party,

I agreed to snog him
cos he's a massive ride. James!


You know, the cousin thing...

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God...

So, how are things now?
What's happening?

It's really, really bad.

James? Hello?

It's really, really bad...

James, I can't hear you. I think
there's a problem with the line.

There's not a problem with
the line, Clare! I'm mumbling.

Why are you mumbling?
Because Michelle's upstairs

and I don't want her to hear me.
Who are you talking to, James?

Oh, Christ.
Hi, Michelle!

What's going on?
Look, just leave it alone, OK?

I am never, ever, ever speaking
to that dickhead again. Ever.

Well, that's a start.
I mean, not a great start.

Oh, hold on one second.

Hey, Clare.

Oh, hi!

Yeah, I'm good, grand, thanks.
Never been better.

Haven't even thought about Michelle.

It's sort of like, "Who's Michelle?"
You know?

I sort of think
I've outgrown her and...

Listen, it was an argument.

It's a sensitive subject.
Things got heated. It happens.

But you need to apologise.
You think I should apologise?

Shit, no. What did I do?

I'm not apologising.

No, look, Erin's on the other line.

Oh, so she thinks
I should apologise? Unbelievable.

What's happening, Clare?
Just one second!

Hello? Where'd you go?
I was on the other line.

Talking to who?


Do you want a Pop Tart, Erin?
No, I'm good, thanks. Clare?

I'm in Strabane.
And your point is?

Look, Erin, someone has to make
the first move here.

You're telling me you don't want
Michelle to come to your party?

She doesn't want me to come
to her party?

How do I keep doing that?!

Well, she can stick her party up
her hole.

Shit, Clare! What are you gonna tell
Erin? Well, I can't tell her

Michelle thinks she should
stick her party up her hole!

Oh, does she now?

Well, you can tell Michelle
that I didn't want her there anyway.


What's going on?

I think peace negotiations
have just broken down.

Michelle's not speaking to me, and
now The Commitment's pulled out.

The Lack Of Commitment, that's what
she should call herself.

That's not as catchy. I don't care.
Her voice isn't even that good.

We don't need The Commitment
and we don't need Michelle.

This party is gonna be amazing,
with or without them.

What the hell?

What is going on?
Where are all the literary greats?

What happened to my monkeys?
We had to take them down.

They were scaring the wains.
Why are the wains here?

Ach, splitting the booking just
made sense, you know, price wise.

We are not sharing
our th birthday party

with the first communion do!
I cannot believe this, Mammy!

All I do is try my best, Erin...

Oh, come on.
This is how I'm treated...

Well, you're quite
clearly pretending to cry now, so.

Everything I do,
I do it for you!

Is that right, Bryan Adams?
And maybe you'll realise that...

Oh, don't even.
..when I'm d*ad.


Well, how'd they take it?
Not great.

I had to whip out the old
you'll be sorry when I'm d*ad card.

Happy days.

Time to get the band back together.



Lip gloss, check.

Hubba Bubba, check.

Ulster bus timetable...

Shit. MAMMY!


So did yous just make
your first communion today, then?

No, we dress like this every day.

Well, I was just trying
to make conversation.

Did you enjoy the body of Christ?

It was a bit dry.
Aye, that's why I put butter on it.

Yeah, you're really, really
not supposed to do that, Orla.

How many pieces of communion
do you think you'd need to swallow

to eat a whole Jesus?

Where the hell is Clare?

Help me now, Daddy!

You can vote yes, or,
you can vote no.

Well, they are
the only two options, Colm.

That's not strictly true,
now, Gerry,

for you can spoil your vote.

I knew a fella once, Tommy Duddy,
he spoiled his vote.

Now this would have been back
in, ach...

we're talking ' , ' .

Or was it ' ?
I don't care, Colm.

' , at a push.
Now, when I say he spoiled his vote,

what he actually did
was eat the ballot paper.

What? Swallowed the thing whole,
so he did.

People thought
he was trying to make

some sort of political statement,

but that wasn't the case at all.

Tommy was just an awful man
for the paper.

Couldn't get enough of the stuff.

I'll tell you,
if you didn't keep your eye on him,

he'd have got
the very Yellow Pages down him.

Tommy Duddy, is it?

Took a bite
out of my crossword once.

I must say now, Eammon, I hardly
recognised you in your shorts.

I'm like a new man, Colm. They do
wonders for him, don't they?

Thanks, Joe. It's just nice to have
something positive to focus on,

after what happened
with my roof, you know.

God, aye.

I'm sure that hit you hard.
Oh, it did, Colm.

Literally. How are the repairs
coming along, Eammon?

Slowly but surely.
Slowly but surely, Gerry.

No word of when you'll be able
to move back in?

Not as yet, no, but as I said to the
builders, I'm in no great rush.

Happy enough where I am.
Grand, so.

, ,

, .

I'm sorry...

did you just make quid?

Aye. Is that the going rate
for a first communion these days?

It's pretty standard, yeah.

Why, how much did you make?

? I wouldn't have got
out of my bed for .

This is the worst night of my life.

Crap, isn't it?
I'm out of here soon, thank God.

Heading to my cousin Jenny's th.
The Commitment's playing.

I beg your pardon?

I don't feel comfortable,
Michelle... Loosen the bow tie.

Not physically! I feel uncomfortable
about the whole situation.


Hi, and welcome to
Jenny Joyce's party. Name, please?

Michelle Mallon.

and James Maguire.


Oh, I may have put him down
as "Fanny Features".

Ah, there we are!




Attention, everyone.
Attention, please.

We've just discovered a black mark
on the floor of the master en-suite.

It's a Sicilian marble, folks,

so I'm afraid I'm going to have to
ask everyone to remove their shoes.

So The Commitment is...gonna be
playing Jenny Joyce's party.

Interesting, Michelle,
very interesting.

So, Daddy says
if I do well in my A-levels,

I can book Val-d'Isere.

Who's up for it?
He said you could book what?

You know, the ski resort?

It is to die for.

Isn't it, Tomas? Oh, it's
a wonderful spot. Simply wonderful.

I adore skiing.



Skiing, and...
Well, all the snowy sports, really.

In fact, Cool Runnings is probably
one of my favourite films.

Right. I haven't seen that one.
Me either. Nor me, I'm afraid.

We have to leave.

Shh! They haven't seen
Cool Runnings, Michelle.

I don't trust these people.
More champagne?


Welcome to Jenny Joyce's party.
Name, please?

Erin. Erin Quinn.


You're not on the list.
So I can't come in?

You're not actually serious.


Hello, hello, hello?

Oh, so it's like that,
is it?


Sorry for the wait.
I just had to check with Jenny.

Welcome, and enjoy.

Thank you.

Sister Michael. You may speak.

Hello, Bishop.

Tiny horse.
She's got a tiny horse...

Well, well, well...

Champagne? No! Thank you.


Is it real champagne?

Well, if you insist.

Hors d'oeuvre?


Christ, but these are nice!

I mean, it's based on a true story!

I mean, how have you never seen it,
Thomas? How, Thomas? How?

Hello, James!

Well, isn't this nice?

Erin. Who's this?
Your new friend?

No, no, God, no.

Jenny just sent me up here
to collect glasses,

and then he started shouting at me
about a Jamaican bobsleigh team,

and it's totes freaking me out,
to be honest.

And FYI,
it's pronounced Tomas.

Jenny Joyce's party...

Well, this is quite the betrayal.

Why are you all covered in muck?
I climbed over a wall.

You know there's a gate?

How could you come here?

How could you go along with it?

I didn't want to, but I'm in a bit
of a difficult position, Erin.

Well, I'm just glad
Orla isn't here to witness this

because it would
completely break her heart.

All right, Erin?

Orla! You ditched your own party.

It was crap.
It was crap.

Things have been pretty crap,

I can't believe this.

All I did was...

All I did was try and speak the
truth, and...

Sorry, who's this guy?
Oh, he's the caricature artist.


Well, do you know what?
I'm gonna go,

and you can tell Michelle to enjoy
the champagne, and the giftbags,

and the little teeny-tiny bits
of raw fish.

I'm sure she's having
a great, great time here.

I really don't think she is, Erin.

You know
I've never even visited Niall.

My ma won't let me.

She won't let any of us.

She won't even say his name
any more.

He had a son.

The man.

He had a teenage son.

We found that out later.

I'm sorry, Michelle.
You weren't wrong.

I mean, you weren't right either.

There's no answer to any of this,
is there?


I don't think there is, you know.

D'you wanna get out of here?

Can we take that wee tiny horse?


As far as sausage rolls go,

well, I could take them
or leave them,

but that's not to say
I don't appreciate

the work that goes into them.
Look, Colm, no offence,

but I listened to
the prawn cocktail monologue.

I'm not getting into sausage rolls.

For there was a fella
that lived on my street,

and, well, he was a pastry chef.

He's d*ad now.
This was when he was alive.

I only came over
for a bloody napkin.

I'm sorry, I can't actually
believe that I'm about to say this,

but can I speak to him on my own
for a moment?

Thank you, son.
Thank you.

Colm, I've been thinking about
this business with Eammon's roof.

Desperate altogether.
Ach, sure there's nothing worse.

I remember one...

We're going to play a game.

You can only speak
if you're holding this.

Fair enough, Gerry.

Must get a bit lonely for you,

rattling round that big house
on your own.

I live in a two-bedroom terrace,

Oh, sorry.
I live in a two-bedroom...

Two bedrooms
is still one bedroom too many.

But what if Eammon
came and stayed with you for a bit?

I don't know, Gerry.
Why not?

Sure, you'd be company
for each other.

The thing is...

Now, how do I put this?

I'm trying to find the right word.

You don't have the breadstick,
Gerry. Feck the breadstick.

What is it? Well,
I find Eammon a bit...

..boring, to be honest.

I see.

I'm glad
Jenny's party was so cracker.


I mean, she had everything,

a magician, firework display,
karaoke machine,

Riverdance, wee horse...
Yeah, OK, Orla.

And all it did was make me realise

I'd still rather just be standing
here on the walls with you guys.


At last!

All right, Mary Poppins?
I've had a shocker, girls!

Clare, what happened?

I lost my timetable,
the bus broke down,

fan belt snapped. All these old
women were taking their tights off

and handing them to the driver,
and he was like,

"This isn't a film,
I'm not a mechanic."

Then I finally
get to the parish hall

and I get cornered by your
Uncle Colm. Christ.

I managed to free myself,

then some wain told me
you went to Jenny Joyce's house,

and when I got there,
the weirdest thing happened...

Well, I'm looking for you lot when
I bump into Jenny, who tells me...

Oh, no, they all left, I think.

It was probably
a bit upsetting for Erin,

realising the entire year
chose my party instead of hers.

I did try and warn her.

And I thought to myself,

wouldn't it be a pity
if there was a blackout?

So I said to Jenny,

"Either the party's over,
or we relocate it."

Jesus, Clare,
where the hell is this gaff?

Oh, my God!

Looks like your party's gonna be
the biggest night of the year

after all, girls!
Clare, you little lesbian legend!

Let's go, f*ck!

What's with all the tiny brides?

All right, love.

Did you get your head
around this referendum thing yet?

I did, aye.

And what do you think?


Oh, it doesn't matter what I think.

Sure, I'm an old man.

It's what you think
that's important. People died.

Innocent people died, Granda.

They were someone's mother,
father, daughter, son.

Nothing can ever make that OK.

And the people who took those lives,
they're just gonna walk free.

What if we do it,
and it was all for nothing?

What if we vote yes,
and it doesn't even work?

And what if it does?

What if no-one else has to die?

What if all this becomes a...

..a ghost story
you'll tell your wains one day?


A ghost story
they'll hardly believe.


You're all right, love.

Go away.

Oh... You're taking the piss, now.

you missed the first communion.

I'm devastated.

Everything all right?

The Bishop rang.

I see...

I decided to take your advice.

No point fighting it.


Then I had a whiskey

and a word with myself.

I rang him back.

You rang him back?

Told him...
I make a difference here.

The girls know that.

The parents know that.
I'm not ready to leave.

Try and force me to and there'll be
an awful fuss, I said.

I'll make sure of it, I said.

And what did he say?

Not much.

He didn't say much.


Well, the day has finally arrived.

Polling stations across
the country will open shortly,

and the Good Friday Agreement
will be put to the people.

So...we're all now.

We're all officially adults.

So tell me, Erin,

how does that make you feel?


Very profound.

No, shut up.

No, it's good.
It's exciting.



And maybe a wee bit scary too,
you know.

There's a part of me that wishes
everything could just stay the same.

That we could all
just stay like this forever.

There's a part of me
that doesn't really want to grow up.

I'm not sure I'm ready for it.

I'm not sure
I'm ready for the world.

Crime is crime is crime.

It is not political,
it is crime.

But things can't say the same,

and they shouldn't.

I think a real and historic
opportunity now exists

to take the g*n
out of Irish politics forever.

No matter how scary it is,
we have to move on,

and we have to grow up,
because things...

well, they might just change for
the better.

So we have to be brave.

What happened on Bloody Sunday was
both unjustified and unjustifiable.

On behalf of the Government,
indeed, on behalf of our country,

I am deeply sorry.

My name is Neil Young,
brother of John,

who was m*rder on
Bloody Sunday,

and has now been vindicated
as innocent!

And if our dreams
get broken along the way...

..we have to make new ones from
the pieces.

You should write that down.

Well, maybe I will someday.

Yes... , %

A record-breaking turnout,
an overwhelming majority.

The people of Northern Ireland
have spoken.

The country has just taken
its first step into the future.

Morning, ma'am.

Sorry to disturb you,
but we've discovered some old mail.

It was intercepted en route
to The White House back in the ' s,

then somehow lost its way, but...
This was addressed to you.

Thank you so much!

Dear Chelsea,

our names are Erin, Orla, Clare,
Michelle, and James,

and we come from
a place called Derry.

We understand you will soon be
travelling here with your ma and da,

and if they're anything like our

well, you'll be
bored out of your tree.

We thought
you might like to hang out with us.

We were also thinking
it must be pretty difficult

for a girl like yourself
to meet boys.

Being the president's daughter

would intimidate a lot of fellas,
we imagine,

so if you want to practice
any moves on James, feel free.

He's all yours.

Anyway, let us know,
and have a safe flight.

Erin, Orla, Clare, Michelle
and James.

PS, we think your hair
is absolutely cracker.
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