05x10 - Collect This!

[bunniefuu]

Over here!

[ Cheering, laughter, applause ]

Go! Go, Ben! Go!

Ben: Whoa, Rook! Where'd
you learn to play soccer?

Rook: At the plumber academy.

Ben: You really went in
for the electives, huh?

[ Beep ]

Kickin' Hawk: Kickin'
hawk's gonna rule at this!

Unh!

Kickin' Hawk: Check it out!

[ Gasps ] [ Gasps ]

[ Glass shatters ]

Kickin' Hawk: Go-o-o-o-o-Al! Uh-oh.

[ Coughs ] [ Wheezes ]

[ Alarm ringing ]

Look out! That bank-robbing
Spormax is robbing the bank!

Oh, what ever shall we do?

Have no fear, citizens of Earthville!
Ben has arrived!

[ Crowd cheering ]

He's here! He's here! Check him out!

It's the real Ben ! Ben ! Ben !
The real Ben is here!

[ Beep ]

Ben: Um... hello?

♪ Ben ♪

♪ he's a kid, and he wants to have fun ♪

♪ but when you need a superhero,
he gets the job done ♪

♪ Ben ♪

♪ with a device that he wears on his arm ♪

♪ he can change his shape and
save the world from harm ♪

♪ when trouble's taking place,
he gets right in its face ♪

♪ Ben ♪

♪ when lives are on the
line, it's hero time ♪

♪ Ben ♪

You will never defeat me, Benjamin
Ten Tennyson of Earthville!

Spormax the Solenoid is reborn!

The reason and being of every
particle of my body says I won't.

Sleep till your reign of evil
has ascertained its doom!

[ Crowd cheering ]

Ben: Wha?
- Situation classification... extreme!

Extreme times call for extreme responses.
And nothing that walks.

Walks the streets of Earthville
more extremely than... Unitaur!

[ Tire screeches ]

Ben: What is this? Another
alternate timeline or something?

I understand you confusion. You have never
seen the actual Extranet program.

You have only heard
Tesser-bursts of the audio.

Ben: I heard every syllable of that,
but it never turned into words.

Rook: This is "the Ben
show." And that is Ben !

Golden oranges, deploy!

[ Squeak! Squeak! ]

Ha! You forget that Spormax has
nigh-invulnerable-n-ness factor of !

[ Gasps ]

This calls for drastic action.

[ Tire screeches ]

Time to boost my blood vessels with
Hokestar's improved miracle elixir!

Now % Screegit-free!

[ Ti! ]

[ Crowd cheering ]

Ben: Hokestar?!

[ Glug! Glug! ]

Ahhh!

[ Belches ]

[ Creak! Creak! Creak! ]

Yeah! That hit the spot! Now...

Do you feel lucky, punk? It's
a "yes" or "no" question.

And I won't take "no" for an answer!

Let us dance, hot sh*t.

Ben: Well, as long as it's my show...

[ Beep ]

Huh?

N-o-o-o-o-o-o! Cut! Cut! Cut!!
My boy, you ruined the scene!

[ Fizzle! ]

Oooh! This crazy fanboy almost iced.
My hair!

[ Sighs ]

This is why I hate location work.
- Boss, I'm glad you called "cut."

When I say "let's dance," should I do a
couple steps? I been taking Samba classes.

Ooooh! You see what I have to deal with?

All because you wouldn't
endorse my elixir!

I'm left with no choice but to pay
real money for the real Ben .

Arctiguana: I'm the real Ben .

[ Gasps ]

I meant the famous one!

B-d-b-d-but I might be able to write you in.
Y-y-y-yes, indeed.

[ Laughs ]

And... rrrrrrrolling!

Y... uh... y... you... are... my
away-team leader gone rogue!

You must be stopped by
my faithful sidekick!

Brilliant!

Gwevin att*cks!

[ Screeches ]

Hang on, Ben!

Arctiguana: Simian?

Gwevin the space chimp will make short
work of this, away-team leader gone rogue!

[ Screeches ] [ Squish! ]

[ Splat! Splat! Splat! ] [ Splat!
] [ Screeches ]

I know this all seems strange, but you
have to trust me. I'll explain later.

[ Screeches ]

Arctiguana: Trust you? Last time, you
stole a DNA repair g*n and sold it.

Yeah. Crazy universe, huh? Now, please,
it's just a TV. Show, but I need the work.

Make it look good. Sell it. Sell it.
See you in school, sunshine!

Arctiguana: Hokestar!

Stay in character!

Arctiguana: [ Inhales ]

[ Tire screeches ]

Whaaaaaa! You're rolling...

[ Chuckles ]

...with the big dogs now.

Arctiguana: Ow!

Oh!

[ Crowd cheering ]

As for you, Spormax...

[ Grunts, strains ]

You are too late. Already,
my techno-organicytes,

are weakening the Earthville
freeway overpass.

All: Oooooooooh!

Soon, they will eat through the overpass, the
freeway, the cars, and the entire universe!

Cut! Ho-ho! Wonderful, my lads!

[ Crowd cheering ]

Ben: The universe?! He was robbing a bank!

Next location, plugg...

Quickly. Thank you! Time to make
the lunch money, yeah?

Oh, by all means.

And now, you beautiful Ben fans,
for the most modest of fees,

you can have your picture
taken with the real Ben !

[ Chuckles ] [ Crowd cheering, laughing ]

[ Camera shutters clicking ]

Ben: Huh.

It's not an Omnitrix, a
Unitrix, or a Nemetrix,

so what is it supposed to be?

[ Scoffs ]

Look, kid, I know who you are I didn't make
Ben a household name

just so your little "hero"
thing could steal my thunder.

Ben: But you're based on me!

[ Scoffs ] Maybe once, but
we've really run with this.

You should come up with a
new name for yourself.

It's confusing!

[ Growls ]

Rook: No clipping the line, Ben.

Ben: Cutting the line. Wait!
What... what are you doing?!

Rook: I am getting my picture
taken with Ben .

This is the way I imagined
you, before I met you.

Ben: What's really going on here?

It can't just be a TV show.

Rook: Why is that?

Ben: 'Cause Simian told me.
It's just a TV show.

[ Giggles ]

Ahh! Brilliant haul!

[ Chuckles ]

Now to the surface.

Lips, teeth, tip of the tongue.
Lips, teeth, tip of the tongue.

[ Inhales, exhales deeply ]

Feel the hero. Feel the hero. Rrrrrrrr!

[ Inhales deeply ]

It's payback time!

[ Crowd cheering ]

Ben: Come on.

[ Horns honking ]

Ha ha ha. Now my plan will
come to fruitition.

Your fruity plan is
going nowhere, Spormax!

Except to Slappy-town!

[ Boom! Boom! ]

Thanks to Slapstrike!

[ Beep ]

Diamondhead: [ Sighs ]

This is really getting out of hand.

N-nothing gets out of these hands...

[ Chuckles ]

...for I am Slapstrike! Evil, beware
my five-finger discount of justice!

[ People screaming ]

Aaaaah-ha-ha!

[ Screaming continues ]

Rook: Ben!
- Diamondhead: I see it.

Help! He-e-e-e-lp!

Daaaaaaaaaaah!

[ Horn blares ]
[ Crowd cheering ]

[ Both gasp ]

Your plans... failed, Spormax.
Due to, uh...

[ Omnitrix powers down ] ...My planning!

Uh, because I always plan... ahead.

Uh, nice... assist...
[Chuckles nervously ]

...away-team leader gone rogue.

Ben: No! No! No! You put real people in
real danger. I'm putting a stop to...

[ Groans ]

Oh, cut, cut, cut, cut!

Oooooh! Simian!

No recurring role for this guy!

He's one and done! I don't take guff
like that from a supporting player!

Hey, I hear ya, big guy.
What you say goes.

Why don't you head back to the ship for
a little bit of rest? You did great.

Oh. Y-you think so? [ Chuckles]
I mean, do you really?

Did I convey all the angst and power? Mm.

Oh, perfect... simply perfect.
Chills. Chills.

Lips, teeth, tip of the tongue.
Lips, teeth, tip of the tongue.

Hey, plumber! Help me collect up all the
organicytes while they're still microscopic.

They get too big and, well...
[ Chuckles ] You know.

Rook: You used real
techno-organicytes for the show?

They make fake ones?

Ben: Why do you even need
to sh**t here on Earth?

Simian's idea, my boy he felt that having
the real Ben on the hero Ben 's Earth

[chuckles] Would play
better.

Rook: Um, Ben? If you have a moment...

Ben: Now what?

[ Rumbling, creaking ]

Okay, yes, Earth was my idea,
but it's just too confusing.

We're really jumping the
root shark this time.

Well, I should say so.

[ Chuckles ]

No wonder all the previous
producers went mad.

And once the viewers are done with this
kind of show, you never get them back.

Oh, my land!

How ever will I turn a profit at this?

Too bad you can't do some
other big promotion,

like a pie-eating contest or something like
having Ben sign the planet in letters,

that can be seen from Andromeda.
That would be amazing!

Oh, well.
- Solid plugg! Get me a marker!

No... a box of markers!

[ Camera shutter clicking]
[ Beep ] [ Rapid beep ]

Ugh! This is so beneath me. At the very
least, I should be getting paid.

[ Gasps ]

You want to get paid?!

This is promotional! If we are canceled,
dear boy, you will never work again!

What?! I shall have you know, I studied
with the drama beasts of Kolat Zundermung!

I brought Vulpimancers to tears with
my performance of old smeller.

Vulpimancers ...No eyes... to tears!

Ugh. Zundermung. [ Scoffs
wheezily ] Indeed.

[ Chitters ] [ Earpiece beeps ]

It's me.

All set. Come and get it.

Ben: Aha! I knew you'd be...

...signing Greenland?

[ Scoffs ]

That doesn't make sense.

Why would you call in a local hero? Oh.

[ Chuckles ]

I didn't call him.

Here comes the guy I called.

Collectimus: [ Booming ] Prepare yourselves,
for you are about to face the most,

powerful being in all
the galaxies!

Behold... Collectimus! Let the
universe tremble and despair!

[ Laughing evilly ]

[ Chair powers down ] [ Coughs ]
[ Laughs nerdily ]

[ Nasally ] I, Collectimus, have
come to collect planet Earthville,

now signed by the Ben .

Ben: Seriously?
- Collectimus: Seriously.

[ Laughs ]

I have come to claim it!

[ Beep ]

Ben: You sold the Earth?!

Don't judge. You wouldn't believe,
what signed collectibles go for.

[ Hoots ]

Ben: I hope you're proud of yourself, Simian.
- A little.

Collectimus: Lucky for me that your receding
glaciers left a nice open spot for the signature.

[ Giggles ]

Ben: You can't just collect the Earth!

Rook: Yes. There are several galactic
statutes against planet-poaching.

Collectimus, you and Simian are under arrest.
- Both: No! We can't recast Gwevin again!

Collectimus: Besides, I'm... [ giggles ] ...
Not too worried about galactic law.

I'm not from around here.

Careful! You'll smudge
the signature!

Ben: Whoa! Collectimus!

H-hey, can't we just sit down and grab a smoothy
or something and, you know, talk this out?

Collectimus: A blended beverage?
With the real Ben ?!

Situation... extreme!

To the blended-beverage complex!
- Collectimus: Allow me.

[ Indistinct excited talking ]

Together: Aaaah! [ All grunting, groaning ] Oh!

Y-y-y... I-I-I'd be more than
happy to obtain the smoothies.

[ Chuckles nervously ]

Collectimus: Mm-hmm. Uhhhhhh-huhhhh!

Well, everything seems to be in fine to very
fine condition. I like the old sign better!

Ben: Huh. You know about that?
Collectimus: Of course!

I'm the biggest Ben
fan that ever exissited.

[ Sighs ]

I just wish this world was just
a little... darker... grittier.

Whew! Did you ever have an itch so
bad, you had to switch to your.

Real butt [Chuckles] just to
itch it?

Ben: Then you also know that I'm
the real hero,

and this guy's just a sludgepuppy
who turns into pretend aliens.

[ Gasps ]

Hey! That term is derogatory!

Ben: What's the big deal with
the word "sludgepuppy"?

I've got cousins who
are sludgepuppies.

I will have you
know, it's a very offensive slur.

Ben: Really? Wow. Sorry.

Okay, a few... Linopan cousins.

Well...
Okay... then.

Yo, Collectimus, we did have a deal, yeah?

Collectimus: Oh, please. Forgive me. Of course!
The money is in your account.

[ Device beeps ]

Tops. Now let me off this rock. I don't
want to get collected along with it.

You know what I'm sayin'?

Collectimus: Oh, no. You
get a card of your own.

Oh, no.

[ Hoots ]

Collectimus: I've already got the first
Gwevins. And I am a completist.

Ben: As much as Simian deserves
whatever's coming to him... agh!

[ Both straining ]

Collectimus: My chair is beyond
anything known in the universe!

You cannot defeat me!

[ Hoots ]

Aaaaaah!

Ben: [ Gasps ]

Rook: Bralla da.
- Ben: Totally.

Collectimus: [ Singsong ] And, Ben ,
I think you know what this means!

Aaaaaah-haaa-aaaah!
[ Sobbing ] I am so scared!

This is more jeopardy
than an actor can take!

[ Sobbing ]

Ben: [ Straining ]

It's like that stuff ball Weevil makes.

[ Grunting ]

Rook: Which explodes!

[ Beep ]

Astrodactyl: [ Squawks ]

Rook: Halt, in the name of galactic law!

Aaaaaah!

Collectimus: Get off, get off, get off!

It's mine, mine, mine,
mine, mi-I-I-I-I-ne!

[ Omnitrix powers down ]

[ Sobbing ] Make it stop... please!

Please, make it stop.

Ben: He's a collector. And I've dealt
with collectors before.

Um, hey, Collectimus! You
got the Earth... hands down.

But there's something better
I can offer you in exchange.

Collectimus: I doubt it!

Ben: I could let you have an Annihilarrgh.
A detailed replica, anyway.

Or a mark Techadorian
multiblaster, never fired.

Collectimus: Ho-hum.

Ben: Well, then, how about a... rearview
mirror made out of Tetramand Taydenite?

Ooooh!

[ Chuckles ]

Collectimus: No! You have nothing I want.

See, it's not really the
planet that's valuable.

It's the connection with
the world of Ben !

Ben: Wait. I'm connected
to the show.

I'm a... sort of prototype.

Collectimus: Deal.
- Ben: No deal.

Collectimus: No deal?!

Ben: Not when you can have
an original Ben t-shirt.

Collectimus: Huh.

That is kind of the inspiration
for what Ben Jr. wore

in the movie "power of
the secret time race"!

But I'd need the entire
outfit in pristine condition.

Ben: For the Earth. Deal?

Collectimus: [ Hawks, spits ]

Ben: [ Shudders ]

Collectimus: But you have exactly three
minutes to deliver the pristine outfit,

or the Earth is forfeit. Ha ha!

Rook: You already shook. Hands.
- Collectimus: By all means, call a cop.

[ Beep ] Xlr : Okay, old clothes...
Old clothes... old clothes...

Perfect!
Oh!

Young Ben: Aw, man!

Aw, man!

Aw, man!

Xlr : Pristine condition is
gonna be harder than I thought.

Collectimus: seconds!
... ... ...

Xlr : Commendations, insignia,
blaster, blaster, blaster...

Ew. Don't want to know. Aha!
Yes! Thank you, grandpa!

Collectimus: Four...
- Xlr : I got it!

[ Omnitrix powers down ]

Collectimus: Three... two...

Wonderful condition!

[ Giggles ]

Nice doing business with you.
Bye-bye!

[ Laughing nerdily ]

Rook: Perhaps we should do
something to save Simian.

Ben: Nah. He'll talk his way
out of it... eventually.

I, uh...

[ Clears throat ]

I want to thank you for the assist.

[ Chuckles ]

Uh... a job well done
by all the Ben s.

Oh, easy for you to say! You don't
have the headache of recasting Gwevin!

Oh, oh. Ohhhh! Those cheekbones,
that... that pallor!

Have you ever considered an acting career?
Oh, you could be Ben 's sidekick!

[ Chuckles ]

Rook: Thank you, but I would not
enjoy being the new Gwevin.

Well, Ben, um... I learned a lot
about being a hero today.

Ben: And I learned a lot
about actors.

Yes, I suppose so. If there's any way
we can thank you for saving the, uh...

You know...
- Rook: The Earth?

Ben: How about you start going by
your own name instead of mine?

It's Deefus.

Deefus Veeblepister!

"Veeblepister."

[ Laughing ]

[ Slurps ]

Oooh! Smoothy brain freeze!