01x06 - The Announcement

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Santa Inc.". Aired: December 2, 2021.
Candy is the highest-ranking female elf in the North Pole; who sets out to become the first woman Santa Claus in the history of Christmas.
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01x06 - The Announcement

Post by bunniefuu »

I'm at Santa's mansion,

where he's in meeting all day.

about who will be the next Successor.

Polls show Candy Smalls
with an overwhelming advantage,

despite the worries
with a woman Santa Claus.

as soon as they light up
the Christmas tree,

choice will have been made.

Candy Smalls
is the worst boss ever.

She made me do horrible things
and then fired me.

Breaking news!
Forced sexual acts?

No! she made me work
even with a hangover.


Mazel Tov! The Successor has been decided.

Keeping the tradition,
exactly in minutes,

Santa Claus will announce
who will be the next face of Christmas!

minutes to a vag*na
wear the red suit!

Or another penis. Who knows?
Drink up everyone!

I have a good feeling.


I'm Jonathan Silverbell! We are
minutes from this historic moment.

What do you think of Candy Smalls?

This madness can even be inspiring
and turns, but is undeserved.

Santas are men.

For the same reason,
there are only male explorers

or US presidents,
or even serial K*llers.

Timmy the Toy Guy,
would be a much more solid choice.

Not in psychological terms.

For Santa, every chimney
It's like going down the birth canal.

Since Timmy was born by cesarean,
this is irrelevant.

Are you crazy?
Timmy is a neo-n*zi!

I know I call that to a lot of people,
But it's.

Keep the rumors in your attachment,
Anne Frank.

Heavens! You have to see this, Nick.

It feels like I'm playing
at Coachella.

It's exciting. The announcement
of the first woman Santa Claus.

You're going to choose Candy, right?

I swore to secrecy, but trust me

I made a good choice. Strong!

Tell me it's Candy,
so I can relax.

I know how to get it out of you.

Yes I know. Oh!

I can't! I took an oath!

It's a serious matter
even though I'm laughing.

Stop, damn it! I don't like.

When you chose Brent,
I knew the whole decision.

Yeah, when it was a partner
and not an idiot wife.

Seriously, I don't have the energy.
for this shit.

It's time for calm.
I just need support. Thanks.

Candy Smalls, informants
say this is yours.

There are several competitors here,
that would make fantastic Santas.

I say I have hope,

but I haven't taken it off yet
the measurements for the cabinet.

Measure this, viper!

Hello candidates!
Mom is me.

No! She's just a r*pist
drug addicted schizophrenic.

It's better to take her to prison.

I expected to interview
your family members.

Get the perception of your real self.

You should talk to my friends.
Where are?

Do we really have to go?

For! our best friend
will be the next Santa Claus.

We have to be there.

- Is no longer.
- Go there. She is busy.

This allows you to let us
after years of friendship?

We just have to support the goat.

When I say "goat",
I mean "goat". Intense!

Craig! Jemma, keep
the Little One away from the scissors.

He's been obsessed with them.

Polls show that he is
down due to recent allegations

of infidelity,
sexual harassment and r*pe.

Want to say something to women?

Let me be clear.
I am a man who loves women.

Like my hot wife
and adult stepdaughters.

a woman does not have
to be good for me to love her.

the sexiest woman
who ever lived was Eleanor Roosevelt.


I don't believe in any
of these allegations.

How can he be a monster?

When he gave me Celine tickets
Dion for the birthday.

And on the counter, too! It is not cheap.

Everyone knows how I care
with the well-being of women.

Guys! It's the big night!

But let's not forget what it is
really important:

we will receive ten percent
of the bets.

Can't do that.
It's f*cking illegal.

Let me see how I am.

Good odds!
Good! Yes, goat!

the reformed miners
They bet on you!

I told them that you are no good and that
you turned your back on the elves.

Grandpa, please calm down.
I have a strategy, trust me.

A strategy. How chic.

You're relentless, Candy.
I told you to be a snake.

You turned into an anaconda.

I think they will love me again,
as if by magic,

when it's Santa Claus.

Candy, I know you're ashamed of me,

but I never thought to see the day,

when I would be ashamed of you.

You've had it all your life.

It was just a tactic
of motivational education.

It's the first time I'm serious.


There she is! candy!

- Candy!
- Candy is the greatest!

- Candy!
- Igma Loo supports Smalls!

- Thanks for all the love!
- Candy forever!

This night is remarkable!

Like the resurrection of Jesus
and the "Book of Revelation".

If God does not make me a successor,

I accept

I will take your other gift.

Be the leader of your disciples.

what should be
much more important.

unless you choose me
for Successor.

It's in the Apocalypse!

- Yea!
- Jesus, take me!

What the hell? Do something else!

The terror you feel?
Multiply by a thousand,

That's how women
and BIPOC feel at all times.

That goat is furious.

Good girl! give it a go
that old shit!

Great, friends! Finally arrived!

Listen, I know what's been going on
a lot of things,

and I just want to say...

They have great timing.

The HNN journalist wants a
interview with my friends.

- Where did he go?
- Honey!

Wait. What is this?

Dating with Devin
and we slept together.

And maybe even a**l sex?

Yea! Good!

- They are together? Since when?
- After Halloween.

Pila de Cavalo is gone.
Want to f*ck the pool table.

Not a lady!

They've been together for almost a month.
and you didn't tell me?

I called you and sent you SMS,
but you never answered me.

I know, and always wanted,
but time flies by.

If that's what you want, then
Mazel Tov!

Jewish words of joy.
We are all happy!

Let's schedule this tension
for another night?

We're live with Candy Smalls
and friends.

Behind all Santa Claus,

there is an entourage of close friends.

Here's the team. mine
best friends, Goldie and Cookie.

Goldie, Cookie,
we know so little about Candy.

Who is Candy Smalls?

Real details about who she is.

This is going to be fun.

Even in the old days,

there was always something different
on Candy.

What a girl forces everyone to see
C-SPAN when is your birthday?

It's strange, isn't it?

Because you? You are nothing! Oh!

Let's k*ll her. Best,
let's k*ll her stylist.

You must have misheard Santa Claus.
Maybe it's you.

Never took me seriously!
I thought we had a connection.

He left me on the street,
with the pants around the ankles!

Like everyone else! Except you!

I'm being good.
Why am I screaming?

Thank you for staying.
I'm all f*cked up!

Thank you darling.

I forgot. I know who sells
Santa's beard hair.

Jingle Jim!

- Sparky Fontaine, HNN News.
- The press?

Do you want to comment your hypotheses?
to become Successor?

Extra! Read it all!

Jingle Jim says, "Drink there."
"He's very dehydrated."

God, he's in my eye! My God!
Don't help me, keep filming!

I wanted so much to be Santa Claus.

- Do not worry. We'll be fine.
- You really are an angel.

How would it be if your best friend
was the next Santa Claus?

- Great, isn't it?
- I don't think I'll ever see her again.

That will be even more silly
than it already is.

Heavens! I love you too idiot.

We call each other idiots.
And so.

Long story.
Bonds between women.

Using words and making them ours.
Is it more or less beautiful?

It's beautiful. so much attention has changed
your old friend Candy?

I'm not sure.

Candy, you've always been merciless
it is cruel?

Guys! Seriously!

female friendships
are the families we choose,

it's so complicated and so valuable.

It's Santa Claus.
would recognize the hat,

with the white ball
at one kilometer.

- Santa Claus! Leaves!
- Hello!

- Santa Claus! A question!
- Can we talk?

With just eight minutes
for the declaration,

I'm at the toy factory
where Timmy was born,

the only son of a repository
and wrapping paper.

Let's see what you're doing.

On this icy and sacred ground,
in this toy store,

my father asked my mother
to have sex and she consented.

Eighteen seconds later,
I was conceived.

And here we are today,
in the same toy store.

We have to make another decision.

Timmy, do you think your chances
of succession were affected

by links to the movement
white nationalist?

What festival is it, by the way?

- Diwali.
- Say what? Must be new.

has years,
is older than Christmas.

Sounds made up, Four Arms.

Wood Chod? This was weird.

Why did you say that shit?
It's an important channel.

- The world will see.
- What we said is true.

- You forced us.
- Do you agree, Cookie?

I can't answer why,
if you talk, I cry.

and it's hard to talk
and cry at the same time.

listen, i know
that I did very crazy things,

in a few minutes,
maybe it's the next Santa Claus.

I can start fighting for all of us.

I know it started like this
but you no longer fight for us.

You got selfish.

Did you call me "elphist"?

I will fight you
because you judge my people thus.

We will! Now!

stop! She said "selfish".
You are selfish!

That too is insulting,

but I won't fight
with a reindeer for it.

But it would k*ll you.
If I had to, I would.

Do not Cry. Not tonight.
Not on my special night.

Not on the night of my dreams.

You're so... I can't talk and cry.

Good luck, boys!
You're going to have the worst Santa Claus ever!

The worst Santa Claus? Heavens!

What I hear is that you think
that I have this in the chat. Good!

Lets go in! It's almost time!

All good! If you'll excuse me,

I will have the best time
of my life

with the Horse Pila.

We understand each other.
He also loves reading memoirs.

It's beshert, damn it!

It's "is destined"
in the language of the Jews.

I went! Shalom.

Candy, I have to show you something.

- Now? It's almost time...
- Quickly.

Okay, you can see. My God.

Devin, how thoughtful.
I'm really moved.

Is the make-up good?

Yes, you're fine.
You will look fantastic.

Red enhances your veins.

I'm so happy for you, Candy.
Nobody deserves more.

I'm so happy for us.

Even though you're in college,

I have a good feeling.

forget what i said
about years of training and all that.

When you graduate,
you will be my number two.

ready to enter
for the story with me?

- Ho-oh! Yes ma'am!
- One minute to go!


Here we go.

All right, let's go.
Again. Brent f*ck!

fifteen, fourteen,

thirteen, twelve, eleven,

ten, nine, eight, seven, six.

five four three two one!

And now.

Candace Smalls,
your big moment has arrived.

People from the North Pole, or,
as they are called Pollocks of the North.

Santa Claus!

It is with great pride that I
and the direction of Santa Inc.

we reveal the choice of the new Successor.

But before naming them,
I guarantee that

who I chose is not only
best future Santa Claus,

but it's an exciting choice
and innovative.

Someone who exemplifies the qualities
of a Santa Claus. Compassion,

joy, devotion to Santa Inc.
and above all,

an unshakable love for Christmas

and belief in their ability
to improve world,

even if it's just one day a year.

And now, ad
the next Santa...

...Devin Johnson!

Who is Devin Johnson?

We are rich!

Parab... Congratulations, Mr. Successor.

Devin Johnson, we've already spoken.
You know me!

- Bastard!
- Devin!

Did you win?

Baby meatball in the manger.

Meat-ball. Sorry sir?
I threw up and I'm starving.

Can we stop at a drive-in?


This should work.

believe. I've seen my quota
of vomit-filled suits.

I worked at a bar on Wall Street.

Has much.
What did he eat?

You don't have to hold back, Candy.

I know you're upset.
Get it all out.

I am well. I am very well.
Everything is fine.

I mean, I'm not fine.
Not completely.

I don't know, what should I do?

Cry like a baby,
why couldn't I?

"I couldn't be Santa Claus."
It's not productive.

I have to hold on and move on.
Don't brag.

Don't say, "We told you so."
Don't steal from me. I...

I'm not strong enough to...

you wanted we no longer need
of your money.

No! I invested all
my savings on Devin.

It was for one.
I won millions!

How did you know you were Devin?

The fat kid with the beard?
It would always be him.

You fight, but you can't
b*at tradition, dear.

Christmas is like that.

Who is rich? Tea Tea Tea!
Grandpa is rich! Tea Tea Tea!

Today was intense.
Holidays are very stressful.

- They haven't even started yet.
- I hate Christmas.

It's Candy again.

She called me twice.
We should talk.

You must feel really bad.
I wanted this so much.

I know it was a goat
and she said some crazy shit...

And she did crazy scenes.
We have to cut for a while.

Maybe I'll be the person again
that we knew

I can't deal
with her shit.

I think you're right
but it's all so stressful.

I'm losing control! I am
almost eating my collarbone.

Devin doesn't answer.
Is he ignoring me?

Craig? I want to go home
see the Goblin's Kitchen.

Isn't she your mistress?

Little one! Bad scissors!


The best aphrodisiac is a dose
of schadenfreude.

What if you messed with my salad?

Do you want to know who sells for
Santa's beard?

Or do you want me to stir the salad?

- Quick and then the salad.
- He is well.

It is who sells for
Santa's beard?

Yes, how much do you want?

Get off, man. We are closed.

Oh! Sorry.
I didn't see it was you.

- I'm looking for Candy.
- Candy just left.

- She was devastated.
- Me too.

How can he...? I don't believe...

I left Santa Claus. He didn't even notice.
He didn't know where to go.

You said you could always
come to the Thirsty Deer.

Good thing you're here.

Can I buy you a drink, Ms. Christmas?

- treat

to me by Leonard.
- Good! Sexy. Because?

Thanks for coming.

Santa Claus calls me and I come.
It's always like that.

I know you're upset
and I wanted to explain to you.

Yes, it explains how a man,
Santa Claus. Father explains...

Christmas-ication... It doesn't matter!
Something like.

You really surprised me
in recent months.

You proved to have a million qualities,
that make you fantastic at it.

I knew you would be the Successor.

I meant to choose you
but I saw you with the kids.

- What kids?
- At the hospital.

When did you come to greet me?

That's when I realised.

You don't like being with children
and they feel it.

They know and they don't like you.

- He is well.
- Let me finish, will you?

Can you talk about making
the fantastic Christmas,

for the children
who will lead the world,

but can you talk to them?
Connect with them?

They ran from you and went to Devin.

I'm not affectionate or cute.

I know how to get the job done.

The job is to be affectionate and cute.
See my dilemma?

you don't understand the pressure
of a man in my position.

How can I choose a Santa Claus
no way for kids?

- I could learn.
- No.

As far as children are concerned,
either you have it or you don't.

But, you're right.

You know how to do shit
better than anyone.

Devin is not ready
to be Santa Claus,

And that's why you're going to guide him.

Devin will be the face of the company,

but you will do the work for real,
from behind.

Ensuring that Santa Inc. it works.

you will be able to make it come true
all your innovations.

Yes, backstage.

Don't let the ego interfere.

It doesn't matter who wears the suit.

Both you and Devin
will get what they deserve.

Santa Inc. will be a place
better thanks to you.

It wasn't an easy decision,
but it is correct and period.

Do you understand?

Go to hell.

a*t*matic REINDEER

Wait, what? It's Christmas?

Christmas can suck my d*ck!
We are rich!

Grandpa helps here.
I'm covered in jewelry.
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