03x15 - PK in Da House

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Bizaardvark". Aired June 24, 2016 - April 2019.*
Watch/Buy Amazon


"Bizaardvark" follows two 12 year-old best friends, who post funny songs and comedic videos about their everyday lives on the Internet.
Post Reply

03x15 - PK in Da House

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ ♪

- What's up, guys? I'm Paige.
- I'm Frankie.

BOTH: And we're Bizaardvark.

And today, we're hanging out with...

Our invisible friend.

I'm the invisible friend!

(imitating echo)
Friend, friend, friend...

Principal Karen, I think
you're missing the concept.

You're our invisible friend.

Oh, got it. Great note. Thank you.

Invisible.

No, you're just supposed to say
the word "hi," off-screen.

Oh! Got it.

Back to one.

Please welcome our invisible friend.

PRINCIPAL KAREN: Hi!

You know, I feel like you can
see me better over here.

Principal Karen, we're not
supposed to be able to see you.

Totally get it now.

Back to one!

Our invisible friend!

Invisible!

Can you see me?

You can't see me.

I really thought
the invisible friend idea

would keep her out of the video.

We're never gonna get her
out of Bizaardvark.

Why was she dressed like a tomato?

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

Here's a fresh idea I came up with.

You two sing a song about
us all being best friends,

and then I bust in at the end
with a sick freestyle rap.

What do you think?

- Uh...
- Yeah...

Or here's another one.

You guys sing a song
about us being soul mates,

and then I bust in at the end with...

With a sick freestyle rap?

No. This rap will be
thought out and written down

ahead of time.

But still sick!

You know, Principal Karen...

Or why don't we just sing about
what the three of us do best?

Gettin' our blizzard on up in here!

Okay, that's not even real slang.

(bell rings)

Oh no, the period's over already?

Sorry everyone, looks like
we lost track of time.

But you know how it is when you
be gettin' your blizzard on!

Do you know how it is?

Anyway, think about my ideas.

BRB. TTYL.

LMNOP.

That's my favorite part of the alphabet.

- We have to end this.
- I know.

Principal Karen is ruining Bizaardvark.

And most words.

I guess we could
just tell her the truth.

Just admit that we didn't mean
to ask her to join the band

and it was all a big misunderstanding.

I think she might be able
to handle that, don't you?

What could've possibly made you think

I'd be able to handle
something like this?

(sniffs)

And why'd you tell me right after
I put on all this mascara?

(sobbing)

Okay, that was option A,
and option A seems... messy.

Maybe there's a much easier option B.

(phone rings)

Hmm. It's Liam.

Hey, Liam. Everything okay?

Oh, hardly.

You know that angry woman

who's usually in charge
of things at the house?


Grandma?

I don't know her formal name, Paige.

Well, as you know, she's off on holiday,

which means I'm down one chaperone,

which means I have to deal
with whiny Vuuuglers.


"Oh, I'm Zane, I'm afraid of the dark."

"Oh, I'm Bernie, we're out of cereal."

"Oh, I'm Amelia, there's a gas leak."

Liam, did you have a question?

Or did you just call us to complain?

What? Oh. No, yes, the second one.

Complain. Goodbye.

Wow.

Liam is always blaming
other people for his problems.

Must be nice.

Wish we could blame
our problems on someone else.

Wait. Liam is someone else.

Why don't we just tell
Principal Karen that Liam

has a ton of strict rules
that make it impossible

for her to be in Bizaardvark?

Oh, I like it!
Normally I'm against lying,

but in this case,
we're on the same page.

And Frankie!

Been waiting three years to do that.

(phone rings)

Eh, one more question.

Apparently, Rodney
is stuck in the foam pit.


Do any of those words
mean anything to you?


Wow, this menu is gigantic.

If I wanted to read a book, I'd...

Rent one?

How do people get books?
Is reading still a thing?

Yeah, and what about unicorns?

You never see those
around anymore either.

Welcome to The Salty Barnacle.

Every order comes with a smile.

What can I get you?

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(gasps)

My grits and gravy,
those are magnificent!

Magnificent is for rainbows.

That gorgeous creation has got me shook.

We'll have those.

Oh, the Ultimate
Choco-Pancake Yummy Stack.

Sorry, that's on our kids' menu.

You gotta be or under to order it.

Really? Can't you, uh,
make an exception?

Can't you make a muscle?

Rules are rules. The answer's no.

Aw, man. I really want those pancakes.

Relax, Bernie.
We're gonna get the pancakes.

The waitress talks a big game,

but I'm sure she doesn't
actually enforce the rules.

It's your birthday? (gasps)

And you're ?

The kids' menu is for and under.

You're banned!

Okay, she's the real deal.

Well, I guess it's
plain pancakes for me.

We are gonna get those pancakes, Bernie.

And we're gonna need our best
men to pull off the job.

(video game sh**t, chimes)

Boys. How would you like to be part

of a dangerous plan
that breaks all the rules,

but has a huge payoff?

- Sweet, we'll do it.
- Wait.

First, we have to negotiate our terms.

- Can we wear hats?
- Sure.

We're in.

♪ ♪

Okay, there's PK.

Let's review the plan
to get her out of Bizaardvark.

Blame everything on Liam.

Yeah. That's about it.

Why did I type up this agenda?

Hey, PK. Um...

I'm afraid we've got some bad news.

Bad like dope? Or bad like do... pe?

- Uh... Frankie?
- It's a trap. Keep going.

Um, unfortunately,
Liam, the boss of Vuuugle,

says we can't add any new
members to Bizaardvark.

Yeah, it's not our rule. It's Liam's.

Because he makes all the rules. Liam.

(sighs) Well, this
is disappointing news.

- For all of us.
- Day of mourning.

But we must accept it.

- It's all we can do.
- Our light is our strength.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I will be in my office... "sabbing."

Oh, sad dabbing. Got it.

Frankie, we did it!

We actually got Principal
Karen out of Bizaardvark!

And we took the easy way out.

- Let's hab!
- Hab?

- Happy dab.
- Isn't that just a dab?

Huh. Still fun.

Principal Karen?

What are you doing here?

She's talking to me.

Apparently, you two have
some explaining to do.


Oh, Liam, we're so sorry...

Save your sorrys. You two
are in big trouble...


for not bringing Principal
Karen to me sooner!


She's our new Vuuugle House chaperone.

BOTH: What?

He said I'm perfect for the job

because I'm an "adult"

and I'm "here."

Liam, are you sure about this?

Karen isn't exactly
qualified to be a chaperone.

She's more qualified to be a...

Uh...

Something with dabbing? I don't know.

Well, I think she's more than qualified.

She used some very
out-of-the-box thinking


w hen Rodney fell
into the foam pit again.


She pulled me out.

Girlios, isn't this great?

I came over here to talk to Liam
about being in Bizaardvark.

But this even better!
I'll be living with Bizaardvark.

It's gonna be PK all day, e'ry day!

And then go to sleep, then wake up,

then all day, e'ry day!

Then go to sleep, then
wake up, then guess what?

BOTH: All day, e'ry day?

What the...?

Am I dreaming?

And why does my dream hurt my eyes?

I redecorated.

When did you have time?
You just moved in last night.

Oh! You don't know this about me.

I don't sleep.

Like, ever.

So, do you like the new look?

The pillows are scratch-and-sniff.
Smell them.

Smell them!

School time, girlios.

You know how I sing
the announcements at school

and everybody calls me
the pop star principal?

Don't know anyone who calls you that.

Well, say hello
to the pop star chaperone.

♪ Don't forget your backpacks ♪

Now auto-tune.

(auto-tuned): ♪ Did you two
study for your test? ♪

BOTH: No.

See you at school.

(auto-tuned): ♪ Call me
the popstar chaperone ♪

PAIGE: Probably not gonna call you that!

Hey, besties!

I brought you these breathing strips

to help you with your snoring problems.

- I don't snore.
- Yeah, me neither.

Yeah, you both do.

I recorded you last night.

(loud snoring)

(students laughing)

Oh, here comes my favorite part.

(snoring snortingly)

We have to stop this.

She's ruining our life at home

and she ruining our life at school.

Maybe we should just tell her the truth.

(wails)

Oh, right. The ugly crying.

There's gotta be an easier way.

Well, what are we gonna do? It's
not like we can use Liam again.

Or can we?

What does Liam hate more
than anything in the world?

- Us.
- True. But what else?

Uh... Swimming pools!

You know what? I'm just
gonna tell you the plan.

Liam hates when people bug him.

So we'll just tell Principal Karen
to ask him a bunch of questions.

It'll drive him crazy
and he'll fire her.

Great idea.

And that's so much easier
than telling her the truth.

Great. I'm glad we're on the same page.

And Frankie!

What? You get to do it?
I don't get to do it?

Hey, PK!

Since you're the new chaperone now,

we wanted to pass along some advice.

See, Paige and I, we really know Liam.

Totally. And you know what
he loves more than anything?

- Swimming pools.
- I'm just gonna tell you what he likes.

Liam loves check-ins.

He wants to know everything that's
going on in the Vuuugle house.

He wants details.

Deets. All the deets.

Well, when your two best friends
in the whole wide world

give you advice, you take it.

Especially when they might
be your stepchildren some day.

Wait, what?

♪ ♪

All right, let's go over the plan again.

- Rodney, what do you and Zane do?
- We order the pancakes.

Yes. Zane, this is important.

What do Bernie and I do?

- You eat the pancakes.
- Great! Let's run it again.

- We got it.
- I could use one more time.

The waitress is coming.
Everyone act natural.

(in Irish accent): Top of
the mornin' to ya, lassie.

Great day to find a pot o' gold, eh?

Why are you talking like a leprechaun?

No, that was a sea captain.

A leprechaun sounds like this.

(gruff voice): I'm the
captain of this ship!

It's a subtle difference, but I hear it.

What are you havin'?

We'll have the eggs.

And now our ten-year-old friends

will order what they'd like.

BOTH: The Ultimate Choco-Pancake
Yummy Stack, please.

(gasps) Well, that came out of the blue.

Psht! What a surprise.

I thought, for sure, they'd order
something off the adult menu.

Like these delicious eggs Benedict.

Ooh, I do love hollandaise sauce.

You're getting the pancakes.

I mean, they are under
and those are the rules.

Mm. Well, it does seem to check out.

- How old are you? What grade are you in?
- BOTH: Ten! Fifth!

When was the last time
you used a landline?

- BOTH: What's a landline?
- All right, you passed.

Enjoy your breakfast.

All right, boys. This is gonna be

the hardest mission
any of us has ever faced.

That woman plays by the rules,

and she'll be watching us like a hawk.

I'm going on break. See ya in .

Oh. Never mind. Let's eat!

Not you.

You get eggs.

Those pancakes were amazing.

(belching loudly)

Mmm!

That is the most delicious
burp I've ever burped.

I know it's not why we came,

but I liked the eggs.

I liked the ambiance.

It's like a boat in here.

Hey, guys.

How were the eggs?

From the regular menu.

I don't have proof.

But I think I know
what went down here today.

And if I catch you in here
breaking the rules again,

guess what happens?

- We're banned?
- You're banned!

Guys, look!

I'm driving the restaurant.

You know what I'm not gonna miss?

Principal Karen beatboxing
to wake me up every morning.


- Yeah.
- (beatboxing)

♪ Get up, get up!
Everybody get dressed ♪

♪ We're going to school,
I'm and I rap! ♪

Hey, why is Liam here?

I'm sure it's just
because our plan worked

and he's here to tell us
how annoying PK is

and that he has to fire her.

Breaking the news in person.
Brits be classy.

Paige, Frankie,

I need to talk with you about
this Principal Karen woman.


She has been texting me all day.

And not just texting,

video chatting, actual talking!

It is a lot of communication.

And I like it.

- What?
- Come again?

Yes, normally a grating voice like hers

would send me running
for the shores of Devonshire,


but with her, somehow it doesn't!

I'm all topsy-turvy!

I think I'm in love with her.

Oh, I'm sorry, Liam,
I think your robot's broken.

Did you mean to say,
"I think Simon Blubagur"?

No, I said I think I'm in love with her.

Oh, it's so much worse the second time.

Can I tell you a secret?

Please, no.

Normally, I'm surprisingly shy

when it comes to matters of the heart.

(quietly): Gah, make it stop.

Would it be too much
of an imposition to ask


for your help in setting me up on a date

with that gorgeous
specimen of womanhood?


BOTH (squeaking): Uh...

Because, I think I'm in love with her.

Oh, third time really hurts.

We cannot set Liam up
with Principal Karen, can we?

Doesn't that like,
violate some sort of rule?

Paige, we're way past rules.
He said topsy-turvy.

I don't care how fun it is to say.

Those... aren't... words.

So, what are we gonna do?

Okay, let's think about it.

If we set them up,
they could get married,

move to another country,
live happily ever after,

and never bother us again.

Great. So let's do that.

- Or...
- Ugh! There's an or.

It could go bad. They could
fall so madly in love

that they're super gross about it

and we have to be
around them all the time.

Has anyone seen the love of
my life, Princess Karen?


I'm right here, Pookie Face.

Paige, Frankie! I'm in the robot.

Do I look famous now that I'm on TV?

You're cute!

- No, you're cute!
- No, you're cute!


(Liam and Karen cooing)

(both shudder)

That's a risk I'm not willing to take.

We could always not set PK up with Liam.

I'm sure she'll meet
someone else eventually,

fall in love, get married,
and move to Toledo.

- Why Toledo?
- Why not Toledo?

Okay, Toledo.

Okay, let's do that.

Or...

Come on, there can't be
an or, I gave you Toledo.

If we don't set Liam and PK up,

there's a chance
she'll never meet anyone else

and just stay here with us forever.

Before we know it,
we'll be just like her.

BOTH: What up, grilio?

Look what we got at the mall.

They're sparkle pillows.

- Do you love them?
- 'Cause we love them.

- Unless you don't love them.
- Then we hate them.

I love them.

BOTH: We love them!

And guess when and how
often I want to use them?

ALL: All day, e'ry day!

(screaming)

Okay, there's no easy way out here.

I'm over the easy way.

Every time we've tried it,
it's totally backfired on us

and something worse has happened.

Okay, I have an idea,

but I'm not sure you're gonna like it.

We have to tell PK
the truth about everything.

- I like it.
- You like it? I like it too.

Unless you don't like it,
then I hate it.

Aah, it's happening.

♪ ♪

Ugh! Regular pancakes stink.

Even these sprinkles
don't make them taste better.

That's glitter.

What did Principal Karen
do to this place?

What's different?

Whatever. I can't stop thinking about

the Ultimate Choco-Pancake Yummy Stack.

Me too. It's literally
all I can think about.

I don't care what that waitress says.

We're going back.

Everyone loves a sequel.

Boys!

We wanna pull off one more
pancake heist. You in?

No can do.

We're retried from the
life of breakfast crime.

We can't risk getting banned
from that diner.

The soup and salad lunch combo
is just so reasonably priced.

Boys.

The way I see it, there are two
ways you can live your life.

Like a boring bowl of cereal, just
waiting to go mushy and stale.

Or like a pancake on a griddle...
hot, fast, and on the edge.

Make your choice, 'cause
I sure as heck made mine.

- We're in.
- Wait.

Can we wear hats?

- No.
- We're in.

Okay, boys. This is the moment
we've been training for.

Operation Pancake-Take II: This
Time it's Personal, is a go.

Stop looking at us.

We have to play it cool
for this operation to work.

Operation Pancake-Take II:
This Time it's Personal.

Oh, just the two of you today?

Yep. Just the two of us.
Just us kids, no adults here.

Okay. What can I get you?

(whispering) Three, two, one.

BOTH: Twenty Ultimate Choco-Pancake
Yummy Stacks to go, please.

To go?

What's the matter?
You have somewhere to be?

I think she's on to us.

Relax. You're kids.

She'll serve you, you'll pay.

And we'll have pancakes
in the freezer for weeks.

Just stick to the plan.
I repeat: stick to the plan.

I don't know, man. I'm starting
to feel guilty all of a sudden.

We got the fuzz, man!

We got the judges, man!

You're almost home, boys. Stay steady.

Okay. I've got Ultimate
Choco-Pancake Yummy Stacks here.

(whispering): Three, two, one...

BOTH: Thanks.

Okay. Enjoy your pancakes.

Phew, that was close.
But we did it, man.

Oh, by the way. You boys need syrup?

This is a pancake heist!

We're working with them!

Operation Pancake-Take II: This
Time it's Personal is compromised!

Stop talking and run!

You kids should be
ashamed of yourselves.

Breaking the rules. And for what?

Some pancakes?

I mean, how good could they be?

Tastes like pancake.

Wait a minute.

You just ate something
from the kids menu.

You know what that means?

ALL: You're banned!

Judges, take her away.

No? Not really your jurisdiction?

That's cool. Enjoy your meal.

Hey, Principal Karen. Um, you got a sec?

For you two, anything.

No, seriously. I would do
anything for you two.

So, um... The truth is...

We kinda sorta didn't want
you to join Bizaardvark.

And maybe we told you some lies

to get you not to be
the house chaperone.

- We're sorry.
- So sorry.

- But now Liam's in love with you.
- Topsy-turvy.

And our instinct was to ruin that.

But we don't play that game
anymore, girlfriend.

So, if you want to be in Bizaardvark...

Or to chaperone the house...

Or marry Liam and move to Toledo...

- Toledo?
- Toledo.

Toledo.

The point is, it's your
life, we care about you.

So, what do you think?

What do I think? What do I think?

I think you two are obsessed with me.

- I'm sorry?
- Say what?

It seems like you've been
thinking about me a lot.

And, quite frankly,
I am feeling pretty smothered.

- I'm sorry?
- Say what?

I think it's best that we have
some separation between us.

Maybe I should quit being a chaperone.

And as much as you
want me back in Bizaardvark,

I have to say no. I'm sorry, not sorry.

But you two... need to get a life.

See you at school.

And seriously, respect my space.

Can you believe what she just said?

It doesn't matter. It worked!

Oh my gosh, I didn't even
hear that part. It worked!

We did it!

For once, we didn't
take the easy way out,

did the right thing,
and it didn't backfire on us.

In your face, universe!

She's gone! Gone!

Without so much as a TTYL.

Thank goodness I have
my two best friends to lean on.


(mouths) Best friends?

May I read you some poems

I've written about my feelings?

BOTH: Uh...

Good. They're very long.

This one's called...

"My Entire Childhood."

Aah, it's happening.
Post Reply