10x02 - Unreal Estate/Code Yellow

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants! - Ready?

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

- Spongebob

Squarepants!

Sorry about this barnacles, but it's spring cleaning time.

- I forgive you.

I take it back!

- There, my masterpiece.

What the...ahh!

- Ah, perfect.

No!

What is that menace up to now?

How many...

- Whoa! Whoa!

- Will you please turn that thing...

- Oh, hey, Squidward.

- What are you saying?

Yay!

- I can't hear you over the hose noise.

Hold on, I'll turn it off.

Aww.

- What's you want to tell me, Squidward?

- Turn off the hose.

- I already did. Here, I'll turn it back on just for you.

- No, no, no. wait...

- Yep, it was off. How'd I do?

- Horrible! Everything you do is horrible!

I wish you would just move away already.

- Move away? But Squidward, I like it...

- Did you see that? Huh, I wonder what's making me sneeze.

Probably all the barnacle dust you kicked up.

- Oh, Squidward, that makes no sense.

Who ever heard of dust making you sneeze?

- Oh, fine, maybe you're allergic to your pineapple.

- You can't be allergic to a house.

Or could you... no.

Oh, why do I even bother trying to explain things to him?

Of course you can be allergic to a house.

I ju...wait.

You can be allergic to a house.

Gary, no, no, no, no!

- Aww, playtime, that's nice.

Good mor...

good mor...

good...

Good morning, Gary.

- You okay in there, Spongebob?

- Oh, morning...

Morning, Squidwa...

- Oh my, having a little sneezing fit are we?

- Yeah, I think you were right. I must be allergic to my house.

- Oh, that's too bad. I guess you'll have to move.

- Move? - Yes. You can't stay here

or your allergy will just get worse.

Hey, look at that. - Look at what?

See?

Your allergy is already getting worse.

- But...but where will I go? - Don't worry, Spongebob.

I'll help you find a great new home...

far away from here.

- But, Squidward, I love this old pineapple.

We've had a lot of good times together.

Whee!

Oh, Squidward, my sneezing is getting worse.

I'll miss my pineapple, but I guess you're right.

I ha... I have to move.

- Now you're talking.

Trust me, you'll feel so much better

when you're clear of me... your pineapple.

- Squidward, you're a good friend.

- I know.

- This would make a great new house, what do you think?

Spongebob Squarepants!

- Whoa! I don't know.

- How about this spicy number?

Spongebob Squarepants!

- Hot listing, but no.

- Well, there's a yummy one. - Mmm.

Who lives in a chicken parmesan hero under the sea?

Spongebob Squarepants!

Nope.

- How 'bout this one?

- Not bad, but let's think outside the box.

- Okay, so that's a no.

I think I know what you're looking for.

How about this for space?

Hey, what's this lever do?

a*t*matic balconies!

- Squidward, watch this. - Wait, wait, no, no, no!

- Hey, Squidward, this is great. What does this button do?

- That's what it does.

Aww, why couldn't I live in that last place?

- Oh, that house was too dangerous for you. Ow.

Besides, it was just a house.

But this is a castle with a moat and everything.

It's a long way from Bikini Bottom.

- I know. - Huh?

- I mean, don't worry about it.

It's a short -hour commute to the Krusty Krab from here.

- Well, I don't know, Squidward.

It doesn't seem like the safest neighborhood.

- All right, Spongebob, this is the last house on my list,

but I think it's got everything you're looking for.

What do you think?

- I don't know. It doesn't look like much.

Wow.

- Pretty!

This place is amazing.

It's like living in the future.

- Ooh, check out these cool stairs.

Whee!

- Uh, Spongebob? - Whee!

Squidward? Squidward?

- This place is awesome.

Yeah, it is, isn't it?

I can't believe I get to live here.

It's so much cooler than your house.

You're right.

This place is way too cool for you.

- Wait, what? - I mean, living in a place

like this can put a lot of pressure on a guy.

The constant attention you get,

and all the fabulous parties you'd host.

Eh? - Oh, it's quite good.

- Certainly worthy of this house.

Indeed.

- Not to mention all the covers

of "Cool Calamari" you'd have to pose for.

No, I can't let you go through that, Spongebob.

So I tell you what, I'll live here for you.

- Yeah, but where will I live? - You can have my old house.

- Really? That is so nice of you.

That way I'll be one house closer to Patrick.

- Great, it's a done deal.

So if you don't mind, I have a lot of settling in to do.

Bye-bye. - Okay, so I guess

I'll see you la...

- Now this is how I was always meant to live.

Bedtime.

Oh, a built in alarm clock. Hoo, this place has got it all.

- Ten, nine, eight...

Wha...what's happening? - Seven, six, five...

- Oh, no. It's not an alarm clock.

It's a countdown! - Four, three, two, one.

Huh? What...what the... uh.

That was horrible.

But this is even worse!

- Doink. Now this really feels like home.

- Squidward, you dropped in for a visit.

- I am not visiting.

This is my house and I want it back.

- Sorry, Squidward, but you gave it to me fair and square...

pants.

Besides, if I move out now, I have no where to go.

- Okay, fine, I'll just take your old pineapple.

- Sorry, Squidward, but this is my house now.

- Well, then, where am I supposed to live?

Night, Squidward.

- Maybe I'll do a cute little button.

Or something a bit more manly perhaps.

Upturned might be good, too.

- Hi, Squidward.

- Great. The idiot found me.

- Whatcha doing? - I'm picking a nose.

- Ooh! I used to pick my nose too,

until I finally cleared it out.

- I'm not picking my nose, Spongebob.

I'm on the way to the hospital for a nose job.

Plastic surgery.

I'm finally gonna get the nose

I should have been born with.

- But, Squidward, you're a beautiful flower.

You don't need to change a...ay...yay...yay...ay...

Well, maybe a little work wouldn't hurt.

Hey, you want a ride? - With you? Absolutely not.

- Aww, come on, Squidward.

I can get you there lickity-split.

- You can't dump your garbage here, sir.

- Oh, that's not garbage. That's my friend, Squidward.

We're here to check in.

- Holy nostroly! You must be here for the nose job.

Let's, uh, get your paperwork filled out.

- You just relax, sir.

The doctor will be ready for you soon.

Ah. This is nice.

- Never fear, Squidward.

Soon this dreary old room will be so full of well-wishing

you'll never want to go home.

- Five minutes later.

- Spongebob, get this garbage out of here.

I can hardly move.

- Oh, are you uncomfortable? Here, let me help.

- I love you. - The bed is fine!

- Fluff your pillow? - No.

Fluff your IV bag?

Enough, you buffoon!

- Well, gee, Squidward, I was just trying to be helpful.

- If you want to help so badly,

why don't you just go volunteer to be a candy striper?

There's plenty of other people in the hospital

you could t*rture.

- Squidward, that's a great idea.

I was born to serve.

Hello, lady, can I be a candy striper here at the...

- Grab a uniform out of the closet.

- Ooh, thank you! Thank you! Whoo!

Ooh! Candy stripes.

Strawberry.

- Ah, Doctor, Thank goodness you're here.

- We were just looking for another physician

to join us on our rounds.

And what seems to be the problem today?

My throat hurts.

- Prescribe him a numbing throat spray.

Let's move on, shall we? - Wait a second.

I think I've seen this before.

Mm, yeah.

I'll need one medical sea-chicken.

Hey, my keys. And my throat feels better.

- You see, doctors, catfish are bottom feeders.

The dirt on his face led me to believe

he had recently eaten something that irritated his throat.

Happens to my friend Patrick all the time.

Try a krabby Patty next time, sir.

They go down smooth, and they taste better than car keys.

- Thanks doc. - No need to thank me, sir.

I'm here to help.

- What treatment might you prescribe

for this next patient, Doctor?

- So what do you think?

Will I be able to run

in the Bikini Bottom marathon next week?

- Oh, my, no. I'm afraid you're...

- Of course. Friends don't let friends miss marathons.

We'll have you up in no time.

- What are you...

- Most unorthodox.

- He's a genius.

- Thanks, doc. - Ready, set.

- And what seems to be your problem today, ma'am?

- Sometimes I Just don't have it in me

to puff up under my own power.

- Hi, Mrs. Puff. - No! Not you!

What are you doing here?

- Don't worry, Mrs. Puff. I'm a doctor...today.

What is this crazy thing?

Looks like some sort of weird submarine.

- You're kidding, of course.

We've placed her in an iron lung to help puff her back up.

- Ha-ha! Dive! Dive! Up periscope!

Load the torpedoes.

- Help me.

- Hey!

- My legs!

- Never fear, Mrs. Puff.

I haven't lost a patient all day.

Let's get medical.

- Oh, no.

Oh. Actually, I feel like my old self again.

But you still don't get a driver's license.

- Wow. I've never seen anyone work an iron lung like that.

- So awesome.

- We were on our way to perform a surgery...

- But we would be honored to watch you perform it.

- Me? Perform a surgery?

- Oh, yeah, this is the life.

And best of all, there's no Spongebob here to ruin it.

- Oh, boy, surgery. And on my first day too.

- Spongebob? No! What are you doing here?

- Nighty night, Mr. Tentacles.

- Wait, wait, no, no, no, no!

- Oh, hi, everybody. Hi, Spongebob.

- Doctor, the patient's over here,

and he's ready for you to begin.

- Oh, we're most eager to see which tool you select first.

Let me see.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Here we go.

Ooh!

- Okay, Spongebob, this can't be too hard.

Just make an incision here, and...no!

sh**t! Son of a g*n!

Ah, my bad.

- I'll take that.

- Ah-ha! Mmm, sushi.

Eeh.

He's uh, really going to pieces over this nose job.

Thank you.

Let's try again, shall we?

Order up!

Yow! That shouldn't be in there.

Ooh!

What?

- Ta-da!

Nurse, sponge.

- Thank you, nurse.

- I can't see! I can't see!

I want to see!

I still can't see.

- Ta da!

There we go.

You can wake him up now, nurse.

What...what happened?

- I finished your nose job, you silly goose.

Take a look.

- Spongebob, you idiot.

This isn't even close to what I wanted.

- Well, why didn't you say so? Oh, nurse!

- Wait, no, no, no! I want a different doctor. I...

No.

No.
No.

No.
No.

No.
No.

No!
No.

No. No...o...o...o...o!

Stop! I don't want to change my nose anymore.

Spongebob, I'll do anything. Anything at...

- How's about the Squidward Classic?

- Hey, not bad.

This looks even better than my old nose.

- Well, I did have to use a few of your other body parts

to re-sculpt it.

D'oh! Look at the time. I have to go to work.

- But you're a doctor. You're at work.

- No, I'm just a fry cook.

But it was fun playing with you guys. Bye!

- Fry cook? Ooh.

- Don't be afraid, ladies.

This sinus Adonis is on the market.