07x08 - SpongeBob's Last Stand

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants! - Ready?

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

- Spongebob

Squarepants!

I'm bored.

- Hmm, interesting.

Me too!

Let's go look for something to do

in old man Squidward's shed.

- Old man Squidward's shed?

- Yyyuuup.

Ooooh.

What's that?

- What is it?

- I don't know, Patrick.

It's old man Squidward.

- Hide!

Where's my trowel?

- Spongebob?

- Yes, Patrick?

- Is this a trowel?

- Yes, Patrick.

- Oh, here it is.

- Don't hurt us, Squidward.

- We're bored.

- We just want to play with your...

Whatever this thing is.

- No, no, no, no, no, no.

You morons would probably--

you want to play with my lawn mower?

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

- Thanks for letting us mow your lawn, Squidward.

Ahhh! My Patty-flipping hand!

Knock yourselves out.

Crash!

- Whoa!

- Vroom-vroom-vroom-vroom.

Excuse me, Davy.

I've got my first blind date in years,

and I've got to look good.

Hmm, it's a little torn.

Course, it was the shirt I was buried in.

Ah, memories.

Okay, that one's a bit ripe.

Stained.

Naw.

Too itchy.

Hey, there she is.

I've been savin' this beauty for a special occasion.

Lookin' good.

- Who dares--

who--

disturb--

the flyin'--

dutchman?

My beard!

Hey!

Thwack!

Who dares disturb the flyin' dutchman?

- You're not the flying dutchman.

- Yeah, the flying dutchman has a beard.

- I don't look like the flying dutchman

because you morons cut off my beard!

- Oh, makes you look a thousand years younger.

- I don't want to look younger.

I hate youth.

I'll probably get pimples again.

- Your beard will just grow back.

- You know nothing of my facial hair.

It'll take a thousand years for my beard to grow back!

- I'm sorry, but we don't know what it's like to be ghosts.

- Well, maybe it's time you learned.

Until my beard grows back,

I'm gonna turn you two fools into ghosts.

Prepare to be...

Ghostified.

- Ghostified?

That's not even a real word.

- Okay, you're having too much fun.

- We're mermaids.

- You're ghosts!

Ohh.

- We're ghosts.

Yay!

- This isn't really working out the way I imagined.

Ohhhhhhh.

Squiiiidwarrrrrd.

- It's spongeboooob.

- And patriiiick.

We're ghooooosts.

Oooooooh.

- We're going to haunt you foreveeeeer.

Ohhhhhhh.

- Eh, well, that k*lled the mood.

Oooooooh.

- I knew I shouldn't have lent them my lawn mower.

- Good night, Patrick.

Being a ghost can sure tire you out.

- Good night, ghost buddy.

- That's odd.

However shall I get in?

Blahrb!

Hmm, well, that's handy.

I am b*at.

Well, I don't need to take the stairs.

Hey, Patrick,

I didn't sleep so good last night.

- I didn't sleep at all.

I could see through my eyelids.

My eyelids!

- I'm late for work.

- My eyelids.

Don't worry, Mister Krabs. I'm here.

- Aaaah! Mermaid!

- Spongebob, you're late.

Why are you bright green?

What happened to your legs?

- He's a ghost, Mister Krabs.

- A ghost, eh?

Can you still cook krabby patties?

- Can do, Mister Krabs.

- Then get your Captain's quarters in the kitchen.

- Aye, aye, oh, living employer.

- Ew.

Clink!

Splat!

I can't cook krabby patties.

I don't want to be a ghost anymore, Patrick.

- I don't either.

I can't eat anything.

Food just goes right through me.

- Maybe the weird hairless man will change us back.

- Yeah, let's go see the flying dutchman.

- Ah, at least I still have my personality.

Change us back. Change us back.

- We don't like being ghosts. I hate being a ghost.

Please, Mr. Dutchman, we can't take it.

Constantly moaning and groaning.

- Invisible to the world.

- Living without a soul.

- It's miserable.

- How could anyone live like this?

I guess you feel my pain.

I'll lift the curse from you.

Snap!

- Hey, we're still ghosts.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The curse will wear off when my beard grows back.

- But we want to be normal now.

- Well, I want to be on my date now.

But you knuckleheads loused that up too.

- We're still ghosts because you can't go on your date?

- And you can't go on your date because you're ugly?

Makeover.

Boing!

Sproing!

- Thanks, fellas.

I love the new beard.

Well, I'm off on my date.

Don't wait up.

- I don't get it.

- Several months later...

- Well, here we are several months later.

I wonder how the dutchman and his new girlfriend are doing.

- I can't do it.

She wants to marry me.

I ain't the marryin' type.

Aaahhh!

Ding!

- Ah, what a day.

- Good morning, krusty krab.

Oh, sorry, Squidward.

Didn't see you there.

- Not a problem, Spongebob.

Not a problem at all.

- Specials? We don't have specials.

- Good morning, sir.

Welcome to the krusty krab.

I think I'll have a krabby Patty.

Thwap!

Ooh.

One krabby Patty comin' up.

- Mr. Squidward, you're in a chipper mood this mornin'.

Did you get an order of fancy decorative soaps

in the mail or somethin'?

- Even better.

I have a clarinet recital

immediately after work today,

so ain't nothing gonna ruin my day.

- Ooh, ooh, terribly sorry, sir.

- No need.

See? Not a drop.

I can't take this anymore!

- I told you. There's no early bird special.

Now, stop callin' me here, mother.

- This is unacceptable.

- What? - This.

- Nice to have you back, Squidward.

- This is an outrage.

I will no longer tolerate my personal items being soiled

by the rabble that crawls into this restaurant.

I demand a place to put my stuff.

- Hmm. Okay.

I suppose you could put it with the nacho cheese.

No one's gone near that in years.

- You ever read this, krabs?

- Bikini bottom labor regulations?

Ew, gross!

Get that thing away from me.

It's givin' me hives.

- It specifically states that all employers

must provide his or her employees

with a secure, clean place to store personal property.

- Ah, blast you, Squidward.

You drive a hard bargain.

I guess I could rustle something up for you.

- Yeah, sizzle those juices.

Oh, here we go.

Found it.

- Wow. What is it?

- It's me Old Navy locker.

Good as new.

- Who's that, Mister Krabs?

- That appears to be corporal Sterling, lad.

I forgot all about that prank.

Squidward, your locker's ready.

- Ooh, do we get to share this locker like we share hairnets?

- Not in a whale's age.

- Now, not so fast, Mr. Squidward.

The law requires that all employees

have a secure place for personal items.

So you are required by law to share.

- Oh, I suppose I can share,

but only since it's required by law.

Hey, this thing is filthy.

You don't expect me to clean it.

- No, he doesn't.

And I don't either.

- Blimey. She hasn't sparkled like this since boot camp.

Carry on, boys.

- Impressive indeed.

Just keep your grubby little hands to your side.

- You got it, Squidward.

Finally I have a clean place to store my toothbrush.

- Just don't touch my clarinet.

- I promise nothing untoward will happen.

- Order up, Spongebob.

Spongebob, what do you think you're doing?

You're supposed to be fry cooking.

I told you not to touch my stuff.

- I didn't.

I wore protective gloves.

And besides, don't you like how classy it looks now?

- Velvet?

- Now, I'd like to stand by and idly chat with you, Squidward,

but I must attend to my krusty krab duties.

In the future, please keep your interruptions

to a minimum, sir, please.

- And here is your change, ma'am.

What is that idiot doing now?

- Loose change.

- Aaaaarrrr!

- I hope you're not trying to shove those boxes

into that locker.

- Too late. It's already done.

- If you smashed my clarinet, so help me, Neptune, I will--

- don't worry, Squidward. There's plenty of room.

I expanded a bit.

- Well, it's all fine and dandy, but where's my clarinet?

- Well, that's simple.

We just simply consult the card catalog

and find Squidward's clarinet, drawer . -b.

See?

- Fine, but remember,

it is vitally important that nothing happens to it.

- No worries, buddy.

You're in good hands.

- Eat up.

What's he doing?

- May I order, please?

- All right, what do you want?

- I'll have--

everything okay back there?

- Yeah, just a bit of, um, renovation.

My clarinet.

Spongebob.

Sponge--

Spongebob?

There, . -b.

A note?

- "Item has been temporarily moved during reconstruction.

Relocated to shelf , . -e."

- Spongebob.

, . -e.

Another note?

- "Oops. Did I say , . -e?

"I meant , . -m.

Sorry."

- Spongebob?

Spongebob?

- Spongebob, wait.

What have you done with my--

- Spongebob, I do not play games.

Where am I?

What is this place?

My clarinet.

What the--

- hey, come back. I need my clarinet.

Come back.

Where are you?

Spongebob--oof.

- I am the keeper of the horned forest.

State your business here.

- I--I'm trying to find my clarinet.

- Your clarinet?

- Yes, my clarinet,

of which I am the proud owner.

A clarinet is not owned.

Why don't you tell me why you're really here?

- You callin' me a liar?

- I don't appreciate your tone.

- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you.

- This is a sacred place

where clarinets can live without persecution.

You need to learn respect.

- I've learned.

I've learned respect.

- I don't believe you.

- Aaahhh!

- Stand still, you idiot.

- I got you now.

Aha.

What the--

Spongebob?

Spongebob?

Ha-ha-ha.

- Aaahh!

Ding!

- I win! I win!

Hey, what are you doing here?

- You tell me, what in the wide world of sports is this place?

And how did you get so big?

- Hmm, must be all the pressure.

- What are you talking about?

- It must be...

The pressure.

I got to get out of here!

- Where are you going, you imbecile?

- Almost got you.

Oof. Oof.

I just sweet-talked an old lady

out of bucks for a krabby Patty.

- Squidward, are you okay?

Such a nightmare.

- Squidward, what are you trying to say, buddy?

I tried to get my clarinet in there.

It's impossible.

- Clarin--oh, you mean this.

Where did you get that?

- Well, with all the ruckus you were making over it,

I kept it with me just to make sure it was safe.

- Call it a friendly gesture.

- I'll show you a friendly gesture.

Do you know the horror I've endured?

Let's see how you like it!

Crash!

- Are you ready, Mr. Squidward?

- Yes, yes, I am.

As a matter of fact, you wouldn't believe

what I had to go through to get--

gaahhh!

- Hi, Squidward.

You wouldn't believe

what I had to go through to get here.

- Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

- Huh, I was just going to bring him his clarinet.