07x21 - Hide and Then What Happens?/Shellback Shenanigans

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants! - Ready?

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

- Spongebob

Squarepants!

Whoa!

Thud! Oof!

Look.

Another rubber stopper

for my rubber stopper collection.

It's a little land that's all mine.

Now it's snowing in my little land.

It's snowing again.

Thud!

Hey.

My little land must be having an earthquake.

- Must have been an aftershock.

- Uh, hey!

No wonder you're angry.

You just got to turn it upside down.

See?

- Snow globes are always funny.

Hey.

You want to smell my armpit?

There you go.

Ooh.

Thanks.

Oh, hey,

do you like to play tag?

- Never played it before, huh?

Uh, yeah, it's kind of hard to explain.

How about hide-and-seek?

- No, no, no. This one's easy.

You just close your eyes while the other guy hides,

and then you find him and you win.

Okay?

Ready.

Uh, now go hide.

One, two, three.

I can skip a few. .

Okay, ready or not, here I come!

Hey.

Where'd you go?

Why are you hiding from me?

This game's harder than I thought.

- You want to smell my armpit again?

You win again.

Hey, hey!

You want to go meet my friend Spongebob?

Oh, he's a little weird,

but you guys will probably get along.

- We can play more coral ring toss later.

- Dinnertime, Gary.

And it's your favorite flavor:

Crushed anemone by-products and krill.

What is that horrific banging?

Patrick's being eaten by a giant sea monster!

- Hey! Hey!

- Oh, he's crying out for help.

- Hey, Spongebob!

Hey! Up here!

Look!

No hands!

- Gary, this is even worse than yesterday.

- Excuse me.

I think your ice machine's broken.

- Keep looking.

You'll find someone who cares.

- Uh, you're the owner here, aren't you?

- That would be me.

- Well, I think your ice machine might be broken.

- Ooh. Try telling that guy over there.

- Excuse me.

The ice machine's broken.

No!

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

It was horrible.

Patrick!

Patrick!

- Spongebob!

- I must have been daydreaming.

I saw you in this big monster's dripping maw,

and I thought you were being eaten.

- Well, I wasn't being eaten.

That monster is my friend.

I thought you might like to meet him.

- I would be delighted to meet him.

- Well, in that case, Spongebob,

I would like to introduce you to...

I would like to introduce you to--

I forgot his name.

What do I do? What do I do?

- Don't panic.

Introduce me first.

Then he'll say his name when he meets me.

- Okay.

Um, i'd like you to meet my friend Spongebob.

- And you are?

- Rrarrg!

- Nice to meet you, Mr. Rrarrg!

Well, rrarrg!

Now that we're friends,

I would like to show you my home.

- And this is my home.

- Where is your home?

Oh, maybe he doesn't have a home.

- Doesn't have a home?

Ding! Hey, wait a minute.

You could live under my rock if you want, rrarrg.

Smash!

- Oh, he smashed your house.

- Yeah.

- He's gonna smash your house now.

- He's going to smash my house?

Gary!

- Gary!

Jump, Gary!

Jump!

- Parachute, Gary. Use your parachute!

Smash!

- He's gonna smash Squidward's place now.

- Um, Patrick, I Don't--

encore!

Smash!

- Wow.

The police have arrived.

- And they built a cute little fence around rrarrg.

Hi, Squidward. You're home early.

- Hold it, buddy. Where are you going?

- I live here.

And what's so funny?

- Oh, the thought of anyone living in a pile of gravel.

- I'll have you know, sir,

that my home is a...

Pile of rubble?

- Sir, Don't yell at me.

We Don't want to alert the-- - alert the what?

- That big scary monster inside the fence over there.

- He waved at you, Squidward.

That means he likes you.

- He likes me?

Officer, arrest me right now,

because i'm about to throw a horrible tantrum

that no one around here wants to see.

- What do you think he's doing up there?

- Who? - The big guy.

- I Don't know.

- What? - I said, "I Don't know."

- He's escaped!

- Quick, everybody into the--

quick, everybody into the squad car!

- Oh, darn it.

- Now what are we gonna do?

- We shall have to chase him on foot.

- It's headed straight for town.

- There! By the magazine stand.

Ooh!

- Hold it right there, bub.

This is a newsstand, not a library.

Okay, one more step, and i'll sneeze.

- Wait just one minute.

This is my friend.

If you want to get to him,

you're gonna have to go through me.

- We're prepared to do that.

- Actually...

Just let me talk to him for a minute.

Psst!

- You mean that thing can speak?

Of course.

He's a giant freak of nature,

not a freak of nature that can't speak.

- And so as the lowly snail sheddeth his shell

and the lofty gull molteth his feathers,

the brightest of friendships must dimmeth as the setting sun.

- That was...

Beautiful.

We still got to run him out of town.

- It really crushes my heart to see him go.

- Yeah, crushes.

Patrick, crushes!

That gives me an idea.

- Yeah.

Okay.

Two cubes, please.

Smash!

- Your ice cubes, sir.

- What? Where?

Smash!

Splash!

Hey. Thanks, buddy.

- Don't thank me.

Thank rrarrg.

Hey, where's my alarm clock?

Your shell is gone too?

- I think we've been robbed!

- She's gone!

My clarinet is missing.

Strange indeed.

- My cufflinks!

They're missing!

Oh, why?

Why?

- I hope this doesn't mean that we're missing the one thing

that's nearest and dearest to our hearts.

- Nope, i'm right here.

- The krusty krab!

Bang! - Reporting for duty, Mister Krabs.

Mister Krabs?

Mister Krabs!

Mister Krabs?

Mister Krabs?

Mister Krabs?

Pearl? What are you doing here?

- Oh, nothing, Spongebob.

Just trying to juggle schoolwork,

having a social life,

and running the family business.

That's all.

- Drama queen.

- Where's your dad?

- I Don't know.

When I went to get my allowance this morning,

he was gone.

- Mister Krabs is missing?

- I'm missing my clarinet.

- And Gary's shell.

- Has anybody seen my cufflinks?

- So you lost your cufflinks, eh?

They're probably in the bikini bottom triangle.

- The bikini bottom triangle?

- That's right.

First, an eerie fog rolls in.

Then you can hear

the hypnotic song of the mermaids.

And then, poof!

Your cufflinks are gone,

never to return.

Poof!

- The triangle must have taken Mister Krabs.

We got to find him.

- Maybe Mister Krabs is doing his morning dumpster dive

for loose change.

- Mister Krabs, are you out here?

- Oh, no.

Is that a mermaid song?

- No, just a thick eerie fog.

- Squidward.

Come on, Squidward.

Quit messing around.

We got to find Mr. Kra--

hey! Gumballs!

This is the bikini bottom triangle?

Looks more like a dump.

- Come on, we got to find Mister Krabs.

The krusty krab needs him.

Mister Krabs!

- Squidward, this is no time for sea horseplay.

- Oh, my neck.

- Mister Krabs?

Mister Krabs!

- Would you shut it already?

- Oh, Squidward, Mister Krabs is gone.

Oh, it hurts so bad.

I can't take it much longer.

I hope he's not in any pain,

wherever he is.

- I think he's doing just fine.

- Mister Krabs, you got to get up.

We got to get out of here.

Okay, tibor, I think i'm good.

- Remember to drink plenty of fluids.

- Look, Spongebob.

You see, all this stuff, including you and me,

are brought here when the mermaids

sing their beautiful song.

The mermaid song triggers this here contraption

to suck the sky like a vacuum,

dumping all the contents here on this island.

That is how we ended up surrounded

by all this valuable and resellable stuff.

Ooh!

Yippee! A new shipment.

Free stuff,

here I...Come?

Pretty neat, eh, boy?

Whoo!

- Patrick!

- Have you found my cufflinks?

- No.

Patrick, is that a krabby Patty?

- Yep.

Pearl doesn't make them as good as you do, though.

- Pearl? - Gulp!

- Oh, me sweet little girl.

All alone...

With me cash register!

- Daddy!

- Pearl!

Get me out of this trash heap.

Thud!

- Oh, me little angel.

Thanks, mysterious singing mermaids.

- Oh, enough with the hugging.

- That's it, Mister Krabs.

I'll just find the mysterious singing mermaids

and ask them how to get out of here.

- Wow.

Riding piggyback is exhausting.

- You're telling me.

Thud!

- Whoa.

- I love this mirror, girls,

but it is so ten minutes ago.

- Like, I couldn't agree with you more.

- Yeah, like, all this stuff is old news.

- Shall we, ladies?

- Uh, excuse me.

Hi.

- Um, can I help you?

- Uh, yes, mermaid ladies, you actually can help us.

Uh, yeah.

- Yeah, we'd like to know how to get out of here, please.

- Like, this is the bikini bottom triangle.

Nothing ever leaves. Duh.

- Are you sure?

- Look, little freakazoid, we only know one thing,

and that's how to surround ourselves with cool new stuff

whenever we feel like it.

Anything beyond that is t.N.O.P.

- Tnop?

- Uh, yeah.

You know, totally not our problem.

- Oh, t.N.O.P.

Okay, well, thanks anyway.

Come on, Patrick, let's go.

Patrick.

Uh, you go ahead, Spongebob.

I'm gonna hang with the ladies for a bit.

- Come on. Come on, I know you're in there.

Aha!

Playing hard to get, weren't you, little one?

- Little one?

How dare you, sir?

Sir, i'm back.

Unfortunately, I was unable to get the information from--

- Spongebob?

Spongebob, boy-o.

Spongebob, can you hear me?

- Should we help?

- He looks fine to me.

- What's the matter, boy-o?

Your krabby Patty meter's on empty!

We got to get a krabby Patty into you quick or--

please, great vacuum cleaner, give us just one little...

Krabby Patty.

Gulp!

- Oh, yeah!

Wow, sir.

That was the single best krabby Patty I have ever eaten.

- Why, thank you, boy-o.

I'm glad you-- wait a minute.

I didn't make that krabby Patty.

And you didn't make that krabby Patty.

And those two couldn't have made it,

so it must have been that rotten pipsqueak, Plankton.

I got to stop that poor excuse of a life-form from--

so...

How do we get out of here?

- Well, sir, based on what the mermaids told me, there--

there is no way out.

- Oh, really?

Well, I think you Don't know how to talk to the ladies.

- Oh, sir, i--

- look, boy, I got a way with the ladies.

And I guarantee the old krabs charm

will have them telling us

exactly how to get out of this place.

So there's really no way out of this place?

'cause I really need to get back to the krusty krab

and stop my archnemesis from ruining me business.

- T.n.o.p., grandpa.

- Tnop?

- Totally not our problem.

- Oh, and p.S.,

here's your creepy pink friend back.

Thud!

- Daddy! Daddy!

- Don't worry, Pearl. Daddy's okay.

- Can I go to the mall now?

- The mall?

But, Pearl-- - I want to go to the mall!

- Like, what's a mall?

Wait. What?

You seriously Don't know what a mall is?

- I'm seriously serious.

- Well, the mall is, like, only the most awesome place

to get all the best, super coolest,

glitterishly fabulous new stuff you want.

- Really? - No way.

Other mermaids: We want to go to the mall!

- Oh, do you?

Uh-huh!

- Now, how do you propose we do that, huh?

Snap! Wait. I know.

We just hit the magic reverse button

on the giant vacuum cleaner.

- That's it, sir!

It's the mermaids!

- It sure is-- what?

- The reverse switch is the mermaids.

They just need to sing their song backwards.

Snap!

- Yeah! Backwards.

- Yeah, backwards.

What a stupid idea.

Whoa!

Creak!

Crash!

- You ready for the mall, girls?

Yeah!

Mall! Mall! Mall! Mall!

- Hello, miserable life.

I'm back.

- And so are my dentures.

- Tibor, you're alive!

- Isn't it great, Mister Krabs?

Everyone's reclaiming their stuff.

Mister Krabs?

- Speaking of reclaiming...

All right, Plankton, I know what you're up to.

But the jig's up, you little conniving pipsqueak.

- Actually, the name's Charles.

I figured i'd hold down the fort for you while you were gone.

- So you've been the one making krabby patties?

- Yup. All me.

Oh, and by the way,

you've got a little vermin problem.

- Vermin? You take that back.

- He's a feisty one.

- Hey!

I found my cufflinks!

That's better.

Good day, gentlemen.

Home, Reginald.

- Patrick, you dropped your cummerbund.

- Nothing like a fresh frozen krabby Patty

with extra freezer burn flavor.

Snap!

Here we go--

Grill looks a tad dirty.

- Yeah, i'd like to order--

- hold that thought.

- Spongebob, what's all the racket?

- Uh, so i'd like to order--

- Say!

Who wants the first Patty

from our freshly cleaned grill?

- I would like a krabby Patty.

- Okay. How about you, squid--

- no, I do not want a krabby Patty.

- You sure?

- Don't touch me.

- Why Don't you want a krabby Patty?

- I've seen what he cleans the grill with.

- Now all I need is a fresh Patty.

Hey, where'd all this water come from?

There we go.

Oh, my stars and garters,

the sink is clogged up.

Safety.

Now, what seems to be the trouble, hmm?

Thud!

- Patrick, what happened?

- There I was, walking along,

just minding my own business, and then,

boom!

Some dumbbell put this thing in the way.

What you doing?

- Trying to see what has this sink all backed up.

Would you excuse me a second?

Splash!

Aha!

Ah, this is easy.

All I have to do is pull the drain plug.

Pull the drain plug.

Pull the drain plug.

Pull the drain plug.

The drain plug.

The drain plug. The drain plug.

The drain plug.

- The drain plug?

- Spongebob!

Clang!

Thud!

What in Neptune's bathtub do you think you're doing, lad?

- Well, the sink is clogged,

so I was gonna pull out the drain plug.

Slap!

- Stop messing with that drain plug.

Are you daft?

- Why Don't you want me to pull the drain plug, Mister Krabs?

- Why Don't i--

one sec.

Time for a scary story, boys.

The story of the main drain.

- Patrick.

- Sorry. Click!

- As I was saying,

it happened a long time ago...

Patrick! Click!

To a pair of little kids.

Two little kids?

- Anyway, it's said that the main drain

beckoned to them,

putting them under its spell.

- One day, those two kids

were wandering through the ocean

when they stumbled upon it.

Huh?

- The main drain.

Legend has it

that their curiosity got the best of them...

Pop!

And they pulled the plug.

The entire ocean rushed into the drain

and sucked those two kids right down with it.

The drain was so powerful,

it pulled all of bikini bottom into its gaping maw,

causing an apocalypse of the sea.

And nobody

was ever heard from again.

- Where is the main drain, Mister Krabs?

- Well, it's right--

I Don't know where it is.

And i'm sure not gonna tell you.

Thud! So--so--so get out of here.

And stay away from that drain!

No plugs will be pulled on my watch.

- Mister Krabs sure has a lot of baggage about drain dealies.

- The main drain sounds very, very dangerous.

I'm never gonna go near that thing.

- We should go find it!

To protect it from people like us.

- What if we get sucked in like those other two kids?

- Oh, Don't worry.

We're not little kids.

We're all grown up.

Pop!

Hey, a baby tooth.

- Who's been in bikini bottom for as long as Mister Krabs?

Crunch!

- Ew.

- Oh, hi, Plankton.

- Let's ask Plankton. He's a geezer.

- What stupid question do you want the answer to, idiots?

- Patrick and I are trying to find the main drain.

The main drain?

What are you two bothering me for?

I mean, i--i Don't know where the main drain is.

It's a myth anyway.

It doesn't exist.

- Yeah, but Mister Krabs says--

- krabs! Why, that--

he was just telling you a fish tale.

There's no such thing

as a drain at the bottom of the sea.

So go on! Scram! Shoo!

Get out of here!

Why on earth would krabs tell those two blunderers

about the main drain?

- I wonder who else knows about the main drain.

Old man Jenkins!

- Why are you two asking about the main drain?

- Mister Krabs told us a story

of how the main drain once destroyed bikini bottom.

- So we've been looking for it.

- Does the main drain even exist?

- Oh, it exists, all right.

But it's been...

Hushed up.

- Where is the drain, o wise Jenkins?

- I have no idea.

- Patrick! We need to find that drain!

- Why?

- Isn't your curiosity piqued?

What if somebody accidentally pulls it?

What if-- what if--

blah, blah, blah--

- oh, man, I hope this question's not for me.

I hate questions.

- What do you think, Patrick?

!

No! Triangle!

Meatballs!

Screwdrivers! Pajamas!

- I hear you, Patrick.

Let's go find that main drain!

- Okay.

- Let's start walking.

- Uh, no, thanks.

I'm not into the whole walking thing.

- But, Patrick,

how are we gonna get to the center of the ocean?

- We'll wait for it to come to us.

I have a better idea.

Well, what do you think?

- I love it.

Road trip!

Whoo!

Pop!

Thud!

- Well, that's out.

Hmm.

- I know!

- Another miserable day.

Thud!

- Oh, how are we gonna find the center of the ocean now?

Hmm.

- Ooh! Ooh!

I know exactly what to do!

Chomp!

Oh, that's better.

- Doing great, Patrick!

We'll be there in no time.

Clunk!

I found it!

- Wow. Good job.

- Let's pull it. - What?

Why would we do that?

- Well, that was the whole point of coming here, wasn't it?

- No!

We came to see if it was real.

- Well, how do we know this isn't a fake?

- We--

we Don't know.

- We won't know unless we pull it.

- But if we pull it and if it's real,

the world may end.

- And if we Don't,

we'll never know.

- No!

Boys, there's more to that story about the drain.

You see--

- we were the two ding-a-lings who pulled that plug.

- That's right.

One day, Plankton and I were wandering around.

Huh?

Pop!

- You see, we had to lie

to keep you from looking for it.

- We just didn't want you to make the same mistake we made.

That was a close one.

- Uh, yeah.

We almost messed up big-time.

Pop!

That's the most realistic story i've ever heard.

Pop!

- See him?

- Nope.

Oh, wait. Now I do.

- What's he doing?

- Um...

Just kind of sitting there.

- How about now?

- Still just kind of, like, sitting there,

same thing.

- How long have we been watching?

- What time is it now?

: .

- Four days.

Patrick, it's moving!

- Are you ready to go for it?

- Like Mister Krabs says,

it's now or never.

- When does he say that?

- Usually on his way into the men's room.

Banzai!

- Hey, that's usually what I say!

- Patrick, he's taking evasive action.

- We better flank him.

- I'll flank left. You go right.

- Roger that!

- Other right, Patrick!

- Oh, I think I ruptured a spleen.

- I think I shattered my abacus.

- Your what?

- My abacus.

Nope. Seems okay.

- Patrick! There it goes!

Don't stop now, Patrick.

We're gaining on him.

Well, it's now or never.

- You boys is mighty colorful,

a smidgen too colorful, if you ask me.

- And too darn heavy,

if you ask me.

- Well, actually,

Patrick has been trying to shed a few pounds.

- Tell it to ma angler.

Now, tell me this:

What was it y'all was doing down yonder

at the outhouse in the first place?

- Well, I done told you, ma.

There I was, doing my duty,

just like every other Sunday...

Well, it's now or never.

When with not so much as a warning shout,

these here varmints

done dropped right out of the wild black yonder

smack-dab onto my noggin.

Darn near give me a crick in the neck, it has, too.

- We're really sorry for interrupting your--

- y'all hush up.

- Now, cletus, is this another one of your tall tales

you tend to tell?

- I swears I ain't fibbing, ma.

- Cletus.

- Just ask uncle belcher.

He'll tell you the whole story.

- See?

Well, I must admit one thing:

They is awfully purty.

Nevertheless, as leader of this here clan,

which I is,

I must subject these two purty folk

to clan initiation rites to deem them worthy.

- Um...

- Worthy of what? - Specifically.

- Of livin'.

Junior!

- Go and get your fiddle.

Okay, okay.

Fiddle.

- Look, Patrick.

He's gonna play us a little song.

Short song.

- Spongebob,

I think this is meant to be a musical challenge.

- Challenge?

Patrick, we Don't even have an instrument to play.

- Yeah, and soon we won't have anything to play it with.

Patrick, hang on.

- Spongebob, Don't leave me!

- Wouldn't dream of it, Patrick.

- All right!

Twang!

- Yeah, all right, buddy!

- Well, Patrick, even though you won,

it looks like he was the real star.

- Betsy! - Yes'm.

- It's time for a hootin' and hollerin' contest.

Whoo! Whoo!

- Patrick, it's a singing competition.

What are we gonna do?

- I Don't know.

But I sure am a-thirsty after that fiddlin'.

- Hey, give me some of that.

Looks like we're on a roll, eh, Patrick?

- Hey, go get him, shep!

Shep'll give him what for. Go get him, shep.

- I just love me some rassling and tussling.

- Whoa! Crash!

- Bravissimo!

- My compliments to the chef.

- Your turn.

- Well, actually, my friend and I,

we Don't like to rassle.

You Don't like to rassle?

- N-no. We're not the rassling sort.

- Well, then, what in tarnation exactly

do you purty folk like to do for fun?

- Well, we like to go jellyfishing.

- Jellyfishing.

What kind of tomfoolery is jellyfishing?

- Well, it goes something like this.

- What the...

- That's disgusting.

- Now, Patrick!

Oh! - Ooh!

- Well, something like that, anyway.

- Nice knowing you, buddy.

- I haven't seen anybody cutting up like that

around these parts

since we was Potty training junior.

He was near about .

- Them boys is dumber than my box of rotten teeth.

- Go get 'em, tiger.

They grow up so fast.

- As leader of this here clan,

I hereby dub you

sponge Joe Bob and Darryl,

honorary trenchbillies.

- Speech! Speech!

- Well, I guess if I was to say one thing,

and I think i'm speaking

for both Patrick and myself here,

it's that y'all are a bunch of real kind folks,

and it's been a real hoot getting to know y'all.

Farewell, friendly trenchbillies.

See you around! - Toodles!

- And just where is it you folks think you're going?

- Uh, over to home?

- Well, you're one of our kin now,

so this is your home,

and as such, you've been given the great honor

of taking care of ma

for the rest of your natural born lives.

- Taking care of ma?

- Rest of our natural born lives?

- You know, carry her purse, give her calf massages,

read her the Billy Shakespeare

till she falls asleep at night.

Ma just loves iambic pentameter.

- Well, that all sounds like a lot of fun,

but I have responsibilities back home at bikini bottom.

I have a pet snail to feed,

and can't be late for work at the krusty krab.

- Yeah, and iambic pentameter gives me a headache.

- You folks ain't going nowhere.

- Oh, please!

Mr. Trenchbilly, what can we--

- oh, hey, your shoe's untied.

- What?

But I ain't even wearing--

darn it.

- Well, what was I supposed to tell him, Squidward?

- You could have told him he could have his money back.

- Oh, no, I couldn't.

- Why?

- Because I already put it in the register.

- Mister Krabs!

We just escaped

from an angry mob of deep-sea bumpkins!

- It was horrible!

They were gonna make us stay forever

and massage their grandma.

- So? Why you telling me?

- 'cause they followed us here.

Crash!

- Come on out!

We know you're in there!

- Yeah, come on out!

We know you're in there!

Welcome to the krusty krab.

May I take your order?

- Um, sure.

I'll have me a large krabby Patty

with a kola.

No, no, no! Lemon-lime.

- Keep 'em coming, Spongebob.

This is the most business we've seen in a long time.

- Aye, aye, Captain.

I'm gonna get some more buns.

- More! More!

More!

More!

- Oh, yeah.

That's what I like to see.

She's gonna make customer of the week.

- We catch anyone

making goo-goo eyes like that at our ma,

it can only mean one thing.

They's gonna get hitched!

- No!

- Oh, is that supposed to be singing?

I am putting that one on Spongebob.

Would you clam up, Spongebob?

I am trying to paint in here.

- Spongebob!

Why are you doing this?

- Oh, i'm just displaying for all to see

an attitude of gratitude.

- Gratitude?

You've been wallowing in filth all morning.

What could you possibly be grateful for?

- Hit it, boys!

One, two, three, four.

- Or in your case, Squidward,

an attitude of hat-itude.

- Keep your hat and your gratitude,

'cause being your neighbor

leaves me with nothing to be grateful for.

Ooh!

Crash!

- Wow, Squidward.

You should really consider

getting your plumbing looked at.

- This is your fault!

- Don't worry, buddy.

I can give you a hand.

- No! You have helped me enough!

I Don't want your help ever again.

- No problem, pal.

- Moron.

Stupid pipe.

Oh, great. Now i'm late for work.

Pardon me.

- Whoa-oh-oh-oh!

Slow down, speedster.

- Go jump in a coral bed.

- Mr. Squidward, how many times do I have to tell you?

The customers' jokes are always funny.

Now, give the gentleman a chuckle.

- Ha. Ha. Ha.

- I knew you'd eventually get it, dude.

- Stop staring, Spongebob.

You're affecting my productivity.

- I would like to order one krabby Patty.

- That will be $ .

- Do you accept pennies?

- I Don't have time to count all that.

- Oh, well, have it your way.

I'll just take my loose change elsewhere.

- Oh, please do.

I'm trying to get some work done here.

Sheesh.

Some people just want to waste your time.

Hey, buddy.

How am I supposed to focus with all that incessant tapping?

And what do you think you're doing, sir?

- I'm holding the door for the nice lady.

- No, you're not.

You're leaving your grubby fin-prints

all over the glass,

and now yours truly is gonna have to clean it up.

Why does everyone insist on making my job so difficult?

- You always leave trash on the table.

Your teeth chatter.

Your hat annoys me.

You take too long in the restroom.

- And, Spongebob, would you quit singing that song?

- What's the matter, Squidward?

Don't you have an attitude of gratitude?

Spongebob, I hate my job,

and I live in a dead-end town with neighbors I can't stand.

I'm the most miserable person in bikini bottom.

What do I have to be thankful for?

- Well, it could be worse.

- How could life in bikini bottom

possibly get any worse?

- Mount bikini bottom is erupting!

Boom!

- That's how.

- Cool.

- Look! The roof!

- Ah, you lemmings,

afraid of a little lava?

Cashie!

No!

Make it stop raining this fiery destruction!

- Sorry to interrupt your crying, Mister Krabs,

but shouldn't we get to a place

that at least doesn't have a roof

with lava coming through it?

Fear not.

Shelter can't be far away.

- Oh, why even bother, Spongebob?

Can't you see?

Civilization as we know it is crumbling to dust.

Civic order is in tatters.

It's every man for himself.

There's no other way.

I'm gonna need your life essence!

- What are you boys doing out still?

Plenty of room at the volcano shelter.

Hey, but no more roughhousing.

You got that?

- Oh, yes, of course, ma'am.

Try and behave yourself, fellers.

- No need to get excited, citizens.

Your government is working tirelessly

to defeat this evil volcano.

- What are we gonna do?

- Don't worry.

We've got it under control.

- Under control?

Half the city's on fire.

You call that "under control"?

Do you?

The end is near, mayor!

- That guy's onto something.

What are you hiding from us, mayor?

Do you have some secret?

Is the end near?

- Yeah! Answer the question!

- Answer the question! Answer the question!

- Mr. Mayor!

Mr. Mayor, please, i've got something.

- Oh, yes, boy.

How do you propose we stop the volcano?

- Actually, I just had a question

about these parking tickets.

I Don't have a car.

- Oh, boy, moron.

- We're doomed!

You fools!

- Who are you?

Ooh!

- I am an ancient warrior from long ago,

the last of my kind, who ruled over the ocean

from before the dawn of time.

But alas, my people were wiped out

by the same volcano that plagues you now.

- Then how did you survive?

I survived because I was the only one

who knew how to stop it.

- Well, Don't keep us in suspense.

How did you stop it?

- You must make a sacrifice!

- What kind of sacrifice?

- A sacrifice must be made of the most miserable person.

- I knew it.

We have to sacrifice the most miserable person.

- And who would that be?

- Well, it certainly isn't me.

- Hey, Squidward,

who do you think is the most miserable person?

- Don't know. Don't care.

- But, Squidward, it's imperative that--

- but, Squidward, it is imperative that we nothing!

I think i'd rather take my chances with the volcano

than be stuck in this miserable barnacle hole

with you and the citizens of dum-dum town.

We're idiots now?

- I'm a very smart woman.

- Nice, nice.

- What?

- Miserable Squidward. Oh, you are miserable.

- You idiots!

You got the wrong guy!

- We heard you complaining about the fingerprints.

- And the foot tapping.

- And my loose change.

- And my teeth!

And his hat!

- And you called the pipe stupid.

- And the fact that you said

you were the most miserable person in bikini bottom.

- I'm the most miserable person in bikini bottom.

Oh, would you just...

Let me down, you g*ons!

- Sorry, Mr. Tentacles.

Throw him in, fellas.

- Wait!

It is I who makes Squidward miserable.

Throw me in instead.

- Works for me.

- Well, i'm glad you all came to your senses.

Bunch of ingrates.

Come on, Spongebob, jump in.

Whoa! - Squidward!

- Spongebob, help!

- I'd love to, Squidward,

but you said to not help you ever again

and that being my neighbor

left you with nothing to be grateful for.

I made a promise.

I take it back!

Please, Spongebob.

I didn't mean any of that.

I do appreciate your friendship.

I am grateful.

I...i...

I learned that from you, remember?

Good-bye, everyone.

Boing!

- Squidward,

I always knew you felt that way.

Aw, buddy.

Thanks for finally opening up to us.

Crash!

- My house!

- Ah, now the volcano is appeased.

- But I thought you said a sacrifice had to be made

of the most miserable person.

- No. You didn't let me finish.

I was trying to say,

a sacrifice of the most miserable person's house.

No one ever listens to me.

- You know, Spongebob,

in light of everything that just happened,

I lied to you.

I am not grateful for anything.

I mean, look at me.

I Don't even have a roof to sleep under anymore.

- Well, I wouldn't say that.

- Go away.

- Boy, good thing I remembered my umbrella.

- Me too.

- Whoa!

- Whoa!

- Come on, kids.

Whoa!

- Eh, too bad I forgot my umbrella.

The end of another successful business day.

You know, Squidward,

this time of day always reminds me of...

Money.

- Oh, yeah, that's right.

- I'll just be here working while you do--

Um, i'm sorry, ma'am.

Gulp!

But we're closed.

- I see you're hungry, but--

but we really are closed.

Um, thank you.

Come again.

Hey! Closed means closed, grandma.

Thud!

Snap!

Boy, some people.

- One krabby Patty, please.

- I told you. We're closed.

I was supposed to get out of here ten minutes ago.

And besides, I already cashed the register out.

- Oh, but i-- - nope.

- I-- - no.

- I-- - no way.

- Please? I--

- never.

- I brought exact change.

That is what they cost...

years ago.

Krabby patties cost $ . these days, lady.

- Oh, dear.

Seems i'm just one short.

No way, granny!

- Oh, but it's all I have.

Please? - Nope.

- Oh, please?

How terribly sad.

- Please? Oh, please.

You haven't seen the last of...

Me!

- Well, i've certainly seen enough.

What a creepy old hagfish.

I thought she'd never leave.

- Aye, good job, there, Spongebob.

Say, what did you tell her that finally drove her out?

I may need to know in case she ever comes back.

"Need to know in case she ever"--

- Have a good night, Mister Krabs.

- Uh, you too, Spongebob.

Have a good...

Night?

- Psst! Old lady?

Old lady?

- Here I am.

Right where you told me to meet you.

- Actually, I told you to meet me

two paces to the left.

Oh, good, you're here!

I brought the stuff.

- My goodness!

This has to be the most kind, most generous,

most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me.

- You're welcome.

Just take it before someone sees us.

- Too late!

- Mister Krabs!

- So it's true.

- How did you find out?

- Find out?

Boy, you'd have to get up pretty early in the morning

to sneak a pair of buns like these past old Mister Krabs.

- Or at least before he takes off his sleep mask.

- How did you know I wore a sleep mask?

- Oh, please, Mister Krabs, Don't fire me!

Please!

- Eye of newt and frozen shark skin slab.

I hereby curse the krusty krab!

- We are not a soup kitchen, boy.

And these will be coming out of your paycheck.

Besides, we Don't want to encourage...

Charity.

- But what about the--the--the--the--

- come on, boy, spit it out! - The--the--the--

- okay, let's see what's under the hood.

- The--the--the--the-- - hmm.

There, that should do it.

- But what about the curse?

- The curse?

Boy, let me explain something about curses

with a little short story

me great-grandpappy used to tell me.

Ah, yes, here we go.

Curses are nonsense!

- They are, Mister Krabs? - Yep.

Just totally fabricated superstition.

Right, Squidward?

- You're asking the wrong guy about curses.

I live next door to Spongebob.

See, boy?

Just the maniacal ramblings of an old lady.

Nothing to worry about.

Squidward, i'm starting to get worried.

I got a funny feeling

that the krusty krab really is cursed.

And why is that?

- Well, we haven't seen a single customer all morning.

- That's not a curse.

That's a blessing.

You're right.

There's no such thing as curses.

[Glass shatters

- Me money!

- I got it. I got it.

Hot. Hot. Hot.

I Don't got it.

- I just remembered

there's a "no curse" clause in my contract.

Nice working with you.

- Squidward, wait!

You Don't even have a contract.

- There's a "no contract" clause in it too.

- Mister Krabs,

what makes you so sure

that even if we find that old lady,

she'll lift the curse?

- Oh-ho, Don't worry, Spongebob.

Mister Krabs has a special technique

for dealing with situations like these.

It's called begging and pleading.

Well, Spongebob,

I Don't think we're ever gonna find--

- Mister Krabs, look!

- Well, i'll be the slimy son of a slippery sea slug, boy.

It's her.

- Give me one good reason why I should lift the curse.

- Because if you Don't,

me business will be ruined forever.

- I said, "give me a good reason."

- Oh, please, madame hagfish.

Please.

I'll do anything.

Anything at all.

- Oh, I like a man who begs.

- See? Told you.

- I will lift the curse,

provided the two of you complete a dangerous task.

- Ah, now, wait a minute, granny.

That wasn't part of the--

- anything, o great hagfish.

- Bring me the sacred gold doubloon

from the throat of the giant golden eel.

Okay.

- Well, this must be it.

The lair of the golden eel.

- How could you tell?

- She gave me its business card.

- Hey, Spongebob,

so you think this fudgy stuff we're walking in

might be the eel's--

- leftover pudding?

Yes, I thought that too.

- Hold it, Spongebob.

Look.

- It's the eel.

Well, nappy time always comes after pudding.

Let's go get the doubloon from his throat before he wakes up.

- Good idea.

And be careful not to--

- whoa! Splat!

- He's awake.

- Look out for his tail!

Quick! Find something to...

Hide behind.

Smack! Whoa!

- Morning already?

I'm coming, Mister Krabs.

Don't go anywhere!

- I really Don't have a choice.

- Take this!

Tap!

Thud! - Oof!

Good job, laddie!

- We're not finished yet.

Smack!

I got it. I got it.

I got it. I got it.

Clap!

I Don't got it.

- Madame hagfish,

we have the gold doubloon you asked for.

- Finally.

Clean, please.

- Uh, now it's time to lift that curse

like you promised.

- There you go. The curse is lifted.

- A "closed" sign?

- That's it?

That's the curse?

- You think i'm going to waste good spells

on a bottom-feeder like you?

Have a nice day.

- Well, it's like I told you before, Spongebob.

There ain't no such thing as curses

or witches or magical sea creatures or--

whoa.

Do you feel that?

Crash!