02x08 - The One, The Only

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Hacks". Aired: May 13, 2021 –; present.*
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A dark mentorship forms between Deborah, a legendary Vegas comic, and an outcast 25-year-old comedy writer.
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02x08 - The One, The Only

Post by bunniefuu »

Last chance at , .

Sold to paddle .

[CLASSICAL MUSIC]

Lot number :

the Wassily Kandinsky, "Gewebe."

Work on paper. Starting at , .

. Do we have ?

to the gentleman in the front.

We have , now, ahead of you.

Do we have ?

, in the back.

[MOUTHING] sh*t.

now...

and ...

and .

We have , .

Do I hear ?

[GROANS SOFTLY]

$ , !

in the back.

.

...

and , .

, !

- What are you doing?
- Shopping!

What... stop! You're overpaying.

- !
- Don't tell me what I'm doing!

- !
- !

- !
- Uh, sir, madame,

I will call the prices.

- Oh, stay out of it!
- We got it!

!

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

Are you nuts? It's a work on paper.

- Eight...
- Oh, my God.

Hundred thousand dollars.

Last chance at ...

Sold... to me!

♪ I am somebody! ♪

♪ ♪

[SCOFFS] You don't even like Kandinsky.

- Neither do you.
- Well, tastes change.

Victoria didn't want a ring.
She wanted that Kandinsky.

- Oh, you're...
- Yeah.

Whoa! [CHUCKLES]

- Well, congratulations.
- Thank you.

So are you two gonna have a registry,

or is it just the Metamucil website?

- [CHUCKLES]
- Does Ovaltine make a wedding cake?

- [CHUCKLES] All right.
- You two gonna allow the Rascal scooters

- on the dance floor?
- All right, all right.

I get it.

Now my fiancée isn't
young enough for you.

No, no, it makes perfect sense.

I mean, you're a history buff.

You know, she can give you

a firsthand account of the Civil w*r.

Okay.

No, you're right. I-I
don't like Kandinsky.

But I do like leverage.

Oh, here we go.

I'll give it to you...

in exchange for the main stage.

Deborah, you're not gonna get...

Just for one night to film my special.

Oh.

You know, you could've rented something

even better than the Palmetto

for much less than
that f*cking painting.

I know, but I want the Palmetto.

I don't like the way I went out.

I want a chance to do it again.

I know that it's occupied now,

so it's probably a really tall order.

Sure. I'll make it happen.

Thanks.

You know, I would've given you
the Palmetto if you just asked.

[SCOFFS] Yeah, sure.

You should see if the
caterer'll give you two

a discount if dinner's
served by : p.m.

- You know, Early Bird Special.
- [LAUGHING] This again.

- Are you done?
- No.

Pretty nice, right?

Whoa, two sinks.

[GASPS] And you can see the
fake Eiffel Tower from here.

It's the last unit available.

I got a hookup with the manager.

Look at all this.

I could have a dinner party.

All I need is, like, one single friend.

[LAUGHS] Relatable.

And I know you're taking a
loss on your condo in L.A.,

but you get so much
more for your money here.

Yeah, well, this is really nice,

but I think the one
that's closer to Deborah's

might make more sense.

The one with the open-concept bathroom?

Yeah.

Maybe don't make your life worse

to be ten minutes closer to Deborah's.

- Well...
- [CELL PHONE VIBRATES]

Oh, sorry.

- Oh, um...
- Oh, take it.

Oh...

- Hello?
- Ava, hey.

- Sorry for the random call.
- No worries.

- How are you?
- Good.


I actually have a question for you.

So the girl who was gonna do punch-ups

for me on my pilot can't do it anymore.

So I was wondering, do
you have any interest?

Oh, sh*t. That's so nice of you.

And thank you, but...
I'm working for Deborah,

and I'm already back in Vegas.

Ri... I totally get it.

But this is just a one-week
gig, nothing permanent.

We could have you back there in no time.

Oh, um...

I think you'd be great for it.

Could I, uh, maybe think about it?

Sure. I'll email you the dates, okay?

Okay, thank you.

- Okay, bye.
- Bye.

Yep. Oh, yes, I get that.

All right, well, um, you know what?

Life is short, and life is long.

So, hopefully our paths cross soon.

Okay, take care.

Bye.

- m*therf*cker!
- Oh, good, you're off.

Which wallpaper do you
like for our new office?

This one's technically wrapping paper,

but it's beautiful.

Okay, we need clients to
justify having an office,

and we just lost another
one to Janet Stone.

- She's poaching everybody.
- c**t!

Okay, partner, what's the play?

You know what? I'm just
gonna f*cking call her.

Yeah, do it. I love this side of you.

- Okay.
- [LINE TRILLING]


Ah, Jimmy. I was waiting for your call.

But I don't have time to
talk because I'm going down

your client list one by
one, you piece of sh*t.

Okay, you know what, Janet?
You listen to me. I'm...

Hi, Janet! Kayla Schaeffer
here, you dirty bitch.

- Oh, my God.
- You know, me and you

can swing around our big dicks all day,

but the fact of the matter is...

- [LINE CLICKS]
- Hello?

- Hello?
- [BOTH SIGH]

Yeah, she's f*cking
us up the ass, no lube,

not even giving us a little courtesy tug

before she jams her cock in our guts.

What is wrong with you?

- Should we get lunch?
- Yeah, I'm starving.

You're hangry.

So we closed on Elaine's directing deal,

but she apparently doesn't fly,

so she's asking that we
reimburse her for gas.

Also, her rider is just
jelly beans and Dulcolax.

- Are you sure about her?
- Please.

When men are quirky,
they're eccentric geniuses.

When women are quirky, they're jailed.

Is that what's going on
here? She's just quirky?

God, I f*cking hope so.

Oh! I got the Palmetto.

Amazing.

So I guess the auction went well.

- Yes, it did.
- [CHUCKLES]

But Marty seems to have lost his mind.

He's getting engaged to
that elderly French woman.

Oh, did he get her a ring
or a Life Alert bracelet?

[LAUGHING WILDLY]

I know! I thought he
only proposed to women

whose hair was still
steaming from a flat iron.

Well...

Don't give me that look.

- That wasn't real.
- The diamond was real.

We were drunk and in
Monaco, for Christ's sake.

Even if he was serious,

I had to prioritize my business.

You can understand that.

I certainly can.

[ON TV] Previously on
"The Amazing Race"...


[ANNOUNCER CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

Deborah?

Oh, hi. Come on in.

[ANNOUNCER CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY ON TV]

[CLEARS THROAT] So I got a call

about a punch-up gig
that's a week long.

I was gonna say no, but Jimmy
thinks it's a great credit,

and it might be fun, but, obviously,

I would never let anything
interfere with our work.

But it's just a week, so
I'd be back super quick.

Why are you standing so far away?

Just to be out of slapping range.

[CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES]

- What are the dates?
- Well, it starts the th.

And it's only a week.

Oh, I just booked the Palmetto
for the th for the taping.

Oh, God.

[SCOFFS] Never mind then.
Of course I'm not taking it.

Jesus, can you imagine
if I missed the taping?

No. God, no.

You should do it.

What? No way.

You've seen the show times.

It's ready. The hay's in the barn.

It's... it's fine, really.

Well...

thank you.

- But only if you're sure.
- I'm sure.

And you should stay at my
house while you're there.

Oh, thanks, but I
actually ran into my ex

when we were in L.A.,
and we've been texting,

so I think I might stay at her place.

[GASPS] Oh...

Oh, speaking of houses,

I finally got a place here,
and it's ten minutes away.

Oh, great. I'll tell my lawyers...

one more asset for them to go after.

It's just a rental, so...

Oh, sorry to hear that.

You know, I actually think
we would do really well

on "Amazing Race" together.

Hmm.

- I could never fly coach.
- [LAUGHS]

We'd make up time,
though, on the puzzles.

%.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[INDISTINCT CHATTER, LAUGHTER]

- And cut!
- [BELL RINGS]

- All right, that's a cut.
- That's a cut!

Her purse strap fell in that one.

Oh, it's okay... we can
cut around that, I think.

Ava, oh, my God, that blow was
so much better... thank you.

Oh, good, and if you
can convince the network

to get on board with incest,

I actually have an incest joke
that helps the story a little.

[LAUGHS] This is funny.

- Okay, let's go again.
- Goin' again.

- Let's roll sound.
- Rolling!

Hey, can you run this alt to Gillian?

Copy that.

[EXCITING MUSIC]

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ ♪

[KNOCK AT DOOR] Ms. Vance?

Someone here to see you, a manager.

Oh, yes, thank you, Davis. Show them in.

- Deborah!
- Janet.

H-hey.

Wow, interesting vibe.

Yeah, Mr. Ludwig did a bit of a reno.

Wish it wouldn't be so on the nose

for me to burn it down.

[LAUGHS] Well, I don't want to keep you.

I just wanted to pop in and
say, "Have a great show."

Thank you. I really need it to work.

Oh, it will, and...

we don't have to, um, do this now,

- but you know why I'm here.
- Right.

Listen, I love Jimmy.

I think he does really
well in this business,

especially for a man under ' ".

- [CHUCKLES]
- But he's not cutthroat.

Yeah, well, he's a sweet kid.

Sure, but he doesn't have the resources

to support you on his own.

Think about it.

As good a saleswoman as you are...

and you are f*cking lava...

without the QVC machine behind you,

would you be able to
sell as many products?

You're not wrong.

Oh, anyway, I-I don't
want to distract you.

But I think we should talk after.

I've got some big ideas.

Okay, sure.

- [LAUGHS]
- That's what I want to hear!

All right! You're gonna
k*ll it out there, girl.

Ah, thanks, Janet.

No, your bikini wax is
not a company write-off.

- It was just the back.
- Kayla.

Okay, fine, but my trainer

said that anything can be a write-off

if you just think about
business while it's happening.

That is absolutely not true.
You need to fire that person.

No way. She's a write-off.

Jimmy. How was your trip in?

Were you able to get a
good seat on the Greyhound?

Ha ha. For your information,

I'm actually United Premier Platinum,

and I had a delicious
in-flight bistro box,

- thank you very much.
- [SCOFFS]

Okay, little miss f*ck stick,

what in the name of
the Devil's uncut d*ck

- are you doing here?
- Oh, my God.

Same as you. I'm here
for Deborah's taping.

[GASPS] We just had a lovely chat.

She's so sweet.

- I know.
- Hmm.

Told you I was going
down your client list.

And I finally got to the Vs.

Enjoy the show.

Nice ass, by the way, bitch!

- Kayla!
- What?

It's... She's gorgeous.

[DOOR OPENS, JIMMY CLEARS THROAT]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Here we go.

- Well, hello.
- Hey, Jimmy.

I... I'm kind of in a pre-show mode.

Can we catch up after?

Of course, yeah. Um... break a leg.

Thank you.

She means both of us. Come on.

[DOOR OPENS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

- Excuse me. Excuse me!
- Oh, excuse me!

VIPs coming through. Check the pass.

Why can't we go down the other aisle?

Because we're VIPs and
people need to know.

- Oh, I like your jumpsuit, girl.
- This don't make no sense.

Okay, here we go.

I want you to get B-roll
of the crowd filing in.

Oh, wait, wait. Hold on.

I-I forgot my contacts.
I can't see sh*t.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh.

I'm kidding! You guys
are so f*cking serious!

- Oh, my God.
- It's a comedy show!

You wouldn't have lasted
a day with Andy Kaufman.

He ran my dog over as
a bit, and I loved it.

Okay!

Ladies and gentlemen,
please take your seats.


The program will be
starting momentarily.


If you think about it, our
seats are way better than hers,

'cause it's, like, center...
we have a bird's-eye view.

- Hmm.
- You know?

- [CLEARS THROAT]
- [SLURPS]

I'm so sorry, sir, but there's
no outside drinks in the theater.

[GROANS]

Oh.

Casino comps me this ticket.
That's the way they treat you.

- Bullshit, right?
- [CLEARS THROAT]

Should've seen Criss Angel again.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

- [KNOCK AT DOOR]
- Not a good time.

Hey.

Wha... what are you doing here?

Oh, I left that punch-up gig early.

Well, I forgot I had
tickets to Cirque du Soleil,

and it's the weird sex one,

so I really don't want to miss it.

[SNICKERS]

But I'll probably
watch your taping first,

you know, since I'm here anyway.

I'm glad you are.

[SOFT MUSIC]

Me too.

♪ ♪

This dressing room is ass.

[LAUGHING]

Okay, showtime. Everybody ready?

k*ll the houselights.

Bobby, frame up, please.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

- Whoo!
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Okay, "A" camera, let's
settle in for the wide,

and, Sal, let's bring out our girl

in three, two, one,

rock and roll.

Ladies and gentlemen,

returning to the Palmetto
for one special night,


please welcome to the stage

the one, the only Deborah Vance!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Wow, thank you.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CONTINUE]

♪ ♪

[LAUGHTER]

It's true. It's true.

Yeah, and, of course, it's hard
to lose a husband and a sister

at the same time.

But it makes Christmas
shopping way easier.

[LAUGHTER]

And I don't... I don't
excuse what they did.

But in some ways, there really
was nowhere else for them to go

except toward each other...

because it was all
about me and my career.

There was no space left in my marriage

or in my relationship with her...

anywhere.

That's what I do. I
take up too much space.

I did it back then,
and I still do it today.

I take up space in every room I'm in,

on my tour bus, on the icons float

- at the Vegas Pride Parade.
- [LAUGHTER]

But, you know, I love taking up space,

which is painfully ironic,

because as we've established here,

I am a high-functioning anorexic.

[LAUGHTER]

Johnny, you read my
mind. Stay right there.

Push in, slow...

slow.

Not that slow, buddy.

Yeah, bingo. You got it.

Damn, I'm good.

And that same year, the
Vatican came after me,

because they said I
called the Pope a pedophile

on national television.

- [CROWD MURMURS]
- I... I didn't.

I called him a pedophile-phile

because he loves being
around pedophiles.

[LAUGHTER]

It's different. It's different.

- [GRUNTS]
- Oh, hey.

- Yeah, so then...
- Hey, you... you all right?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

My sponsors started
pulling ads from my tour.

- [GRUNTS]
- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God.
- [CROWD MURMURING]

Oh, my God.

- What's the matter?
- Hey, sir.

Everything okay?

- He's seizing!
- Oh, sh*t.

- He needs help. Call .
- Oh, Jesus. Okay.

Has anyone called the paramedics?

Has anyone called for help?

Somebody call the paramedics!

What the f*ck is going on down there?

- Sal, talk to me.
- [CROSS CHATTER]

John, go get the medic.
Go get the house medic.

Tara, do not turn the houselights up.

It'll be all right. It'll be all right.

- I'm sure they're on their way.
- [DOORS OPEN]

- Down here.
- Okay, here they come.

sh*t!

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]

It's all right, everybody.
I... it's all right.

He's... he's being taken care
of. They'll take care of him.

[CROWD MURMURING]

It's all right. It's all right.

Not to worry...

we got trained professionals
taking care of him now.

- He's in good hands.
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Everybody stay calm.
Please stay in your seats.

- Just... please.
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER CONTINUES]

- [INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]
- Check the pupils.

- Yeah, I'm getting... dilated.
- What's the reading?

- Is he okay?
- [SUSTAINED HIGH-PITCHED TONE]

I'm calling it... : .

[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER CONTINUES]

[SUSTAINED HIGH-PITCHED TONE CONTINUES]

[CROWD MURMURING]

It'll be all right, yeah.

[MURMURING DIES DOWN]

He's okay! He's okay, folks!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Oh!

How 'bout that?

- Thank God!
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

All right, we're back, baby.

Okay, I need a close-up
on C and a refill.

Bobby, finally, a frame I could use.

Welcome to the show.

Thank God. Thank God.

Yeah, not the first man
who's faked his own death

- to get away from me.
- [LAUGHTER]

- Not the first.
- I'm so glad he's okay.

No. Dead. Absolutely dead.

Anyway, so my sponsors
start pulling their ads...

♪ ♪

[LAUGHING]

Oh, my God. You crushed.

- That was amazing.
- It got scary for a minute.

And I'm just, uh, so
glad that man is okay.

Yes. I am as well.

Yeah.

Your dad would be proud of you.

[INHALES SHARPLY]

Wow.

[TEARFULLY] Thank you.

- Whoo!
- [CLEARS THROAT] Great show.

- Deborah, girl!
- BOTH: Hey!

Think they liked it!

Deborah, a triumph!

It is gonna cut like butter, baby.

Oh, thank you, honey. Champagne?

- No, I got Clamato.
- Okay, all right.

- Whoo!
- Cheers! Whoo!

Whoo! Bravo, Deborah!

Not news to me, but you are a star.

Handled the right way,
this can be huge for you.

I think it will be
handled the right way,

because I have excellent
representation with Jimmy.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

So thanks for coming
all the way out here,

but I think it's time for you to go.

And just so you know, I'm
sticking with Jimmy, too.

- [SCOFFS]
- I don't know who you are.

And guess what, sweetie.
You're never gonna!

Well, no, I would like for her...

You will not know her!

I would like for her to
know who I am eventually.

Oh, there you are. Aren't you coming in?

Yeah, yeah.

I was just taking a
second. But you did great.

They loved you.

- You okay?
- Mm-hmm.

I mean... it was kind of hard to hear.


[LAUGHS] You know?

I-I just... I can't
believe you never told me

any of that before, you know?

It was one thing to
find out all that stuff

about you and Dad... it's another thing

to find it out with , other people.

Yeah, I don't know why it's
always been easier for me

to tell things to strangers.

Well, therapy's just talking
to one stranger in private.

Well, my insurance doesn't cover it.

What can I tell you?

Yeah, well, it's not
as expensive as IVF.

Oh, yeah. How's that going?

Good. Good, you know?

Three weeks out till our next round.

Although, I don't know,
seems like being a parent...

pretty tough. [CHUCKLES]

I-I always thought that
you just didn't even try.

But after tonight, I'm
finding out you did try

to be a good parent, and
you still f*cked it up.

So I'm kind of scared
that I'm going to, too.

You will.

It's impossible not to.

But it's worth it.

[SOFT MUSIC]

Hey, look, I wore a
good-luck charm tonight.

Oh, my God.

That's a D'Jewelry .

It's gonna be in the special. [CHUCKLES]

- Thank you.
- Of course.

It turned my wrist black, sweetie.

Oh, that's... that's
really good for you.

That's the iron.

Uh-huh.

I mean, I think news
bloopers are funny, you know?

Okay, can we go out tonight?

- Sure.
- I'm down.

Yeah, I want to get f*cked up.

- [BOTH LAUGH]
- Wow.

- Okay. Sure.
- Okay.

- Wait, where's Marcus?
- Oh, I don't know.

He said he had to go see someone.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Hi.

Hi.

Sorry for the random stop-by.

Is everything okay?

Yes. Yes, everything's fine.

Wait, doesn't Deborah have,
like, a big show tonight?

She does, but I don't have to be there.

I was hoping that we could talk.

Sure.

But I should let you know
that I am seeing someone.

Good. That's good for you.

That's...

I obviously was not
ready for a relationship.

- Yeah.
- [CHUCKLES]

Well, I'm down to talk as
friends, if that works for you.

Honestly, I think that's
exactly what I need.

Well, that and extensive therapy.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Some hypnosis.

- Little electric shock...
- Okay, you're not that bad.

- Here, come in.
- Thank you.

By the way, your mom's been texting me.

- BOTH: Wrestling stuff.
- Yeah.

So now how it works is I'm
technically your manager, too.

Hmm, is that how it works?

Deborah, you have a sec?

Yeah, I'm just putting
shrimp under his pillows.

Cool. Uh, maybe tomorrow

we could talk about
re-pitching networks.

No. I've been thinking about that,

and I have another idea.

Every product I've ever offered here,

every necklace, every lip
kit, every quilted bootie

is something I would buy myself,

because it's something I believe in

and I can't sell it to you if it's not.

So trust me when I tell you

that I've never believed
in something more

than what I'm offering you today.

This product not only has my name on it,

but it is me entirely,

and the reason it's so special

is because it is my special...

- Whoo!
- "My Bad."

[BOTH LAUGH]

It's my life story...
the highs, the lows,

the time the China trade
wars stopped shipments

of my Mrs. Claus
self-sealing cookie jars.

Oh, that was horrible.

Wasn't that a little bit of hell?

- Horrible. Oh, God.
- Yeah.

And like all my products,
with the rare exception

of the jean-ish leggings last fall,

I've road-tested it myself.

I've taken it all over
the country, and it works.

It's what I've always wanted
to say to you, the truth,

whether I like it or not.

- So let's go!
- Yes!

Okay, now, Deborah, what
if some of our viewers

do not have a DVD player?

Oh, I'd say get one. It's the future.

But it will also include
a downloadable link

for your adult children to stream.

That is wonderful.

Okay, well, we have
already sold , units.

- We only have , units...
- What?

Um, available today.

We are absolutely flying here.

I am getting word from our
producers... oh, my gosh...

that this a record for units
sold in under five minutes.

- Wow.
- We are on track to sell out, ladies and gentlemen.

We're getting into Slanket territory.

That's incredible.

Thank you.

I guess there is money in DVDs.

I just loved it. You
know, it's been a minute

since I've seen an actual
DVD box, and I miss 'em.

- Oof.
- Ooh!

I am so excited to tell her.

Honestly, this is the
best part of the job,

you know, delivering good news.

- [LINE TRILLING]
- Makes all the stress worth it.

Totally.

- Hi, Jimmy.
- Hey, Deborah,

- I have great news.
- Everyone wants it, bitch!

- Whoo!
- Kayla.

I... I... I'm sorry.
What are you saying?

I was saying...

every network is in.

They all want to acquire the rights.

We are gonna have a bidding w*r.

- Boom.
- Plus, "Variety" wants to do a cover story.

- What?
- And "The Wall Street Journal"

is interested in a feature on the
whole "bet on yourself" approach.

Okay, sweetie, thanks. That sounds good.

Um, but I'm right in
the middle of a meeting.

So got to go.

Oh, um, okay.

- [LINE CLICKS]
- Bye.

[LAUGHS]

[INHALES DEEPLY]

[SIGHS]

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

♪ ♪

Hello, all.

I just wanted to say that
we are so incredibly excited

to be the home for Deborah Vance's

hilarious, provocative new special.

- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- Yeah.

And now I would like to
introduce the living legend,

Deborah Vance, to say a few words.

- Deb.
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Hi, everybody. Thank you.

Thank you so much for coming.

I really want to thank the network

for taking a chance on this...

once it was already successful

and there was literally no risk.

[LAUGHTER]

I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

No, but there is a risk, obviously,

supporting an elderly,
messy bitch comedian.

But enough about Bill Maher.

- [LAUGHTER]
- Um...

I'm joking. Bill and I are old friends.

We vacation together.

Anyway, uh, but I really
want to thank my team,

who always had my back.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Love you. And my amazing director...

where is she? Elaine
Carter... there she is!

Elaine Carter. She did an amazing job!

Amazing job.

And I especially want to
give credit to my co-writer,

Ava Daniels,

who pushed me and never let me quit.

Thank you, Ava.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

So cheers, everybody. Have fun.

Don't drink and drive.

I don't want to be upstaged tonight.

[LAUGHTER]

Thank you. Thanks again for coming.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Amazing.

- [LAUGHS]
- Hi, you k*lled it, lady.

Iconic!

- [LAUGHS]
- Really!

- Thanks.
- I have some people that I need you to talk to.

That is Simone... she's
one of our head executives.

Okay, say hello, and this is...

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ ♪

[CLEARS THROAT]

Hmm. You know, they're having a party

for you down there.

I thought you weren't drinking.

Ah, what else am I good for?

[LAUGHS]

We f*ckin' did it.

[SIGHS] We did.

- [LAUGHS]
- We did.

So, moving forward, I can
extend your health insurance

six months and offer
three months' severance.

[CHUCKLES] Ha ha, funny.

Wait. What? You're not serious.

I am.

Are... you're f*ring me?

Are you f*cking kidding?

Why? Things are good.

- Wha...
- Things are good.

And they could keep being
good for a very long time.

That's the problem.

You need to make space
for your own work.

Come on. I know what you're doing.

You're pushing me away
because you're afraid.

Those people, they want you right now.

They won't forever.

You got to take advantage of that.

You got to be a shark.

You got to do what's best for you.

I get to decide what's best for me.

You didn't take credit for the special,

- and you should have.
- [SCOFFS]

You left that punch-up job early.

- I came back for you.
- That's my point.

And what about that screenplay idea?

Have you even started on that? Have you?

Wha... I've been busy, and
my Final Draft is corrupted.

And I would keep you
busy. It's like you said.

I'm gonna keep working
until the day I die.

Do you know how old you're
gonna be when I'm ?

[CRYING] Please don't
make me do math right now.

[SNIFFLES] You're the
one with all the stories.

What do I even have to say?

That's the thing.

You got to go figure it out.

I told you...

you're just like me.

[SOFT MUSIC]

You got your own mountain to climb.

♪ ♪

But we're... we're good together.

I don't want to be here. I...

I want to be wherever you are.

- I got to get back.
- No, wait, whoa!

Deborah, that's it?

We're not gonna talk
anymore? I won't see you?

Oh, you'll see me...

in court.

♪ ♪

[CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS]

♪ ♪

[INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV]

♪ ♪

[PHONE VIBRATES]

Hey, Jimmy, what's up?

- Hey, how's the new place?
- Uh, it's good.


I-I'm actually kind of excited

to reenter subletter culture, you know?

We got no ties, no rules,
no ability to paint.

[CHUCKLES] Uh, so I have some good news.

That pilot you did punch-ups for

was just picked up to series,

and apparently a bunch of your jokes

ended up in the final cut,
and they called to ask


if you're available to staff.

- Seriously?
- Yep.

The job is yours if you want it,

as long as you promise
not to leave early again.

Amazing.

Also, I have some news from Deborah.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.


She called this morning.
She's dropping the lawsuit.

Oh, that... that's great.

Amazing, right? Isn't that a relief?

So that court date...

Yep, stricken from
the record or whatever.

You don't have to worry about it.

- Congrats.
- Thanks.

Uh, anyway, what else
do I have for you?


Oh, would you be interested

in doing a half-day round
table for "Ice Age "?

Are you familiar with
the "Ice Age" universe?

They need a lot of women in the room.

They want a female perspective

on the female woolly
mammoth character they have.


- Mm-hmm.
- It's spelled H-O-A-R,

and you might want to
pitch an alt on that.


You know, sounds problematic to me.

But what do I know, you
know? I'm just a manager.


Although I do have good ideas.

You know, it was my idea to do Fandango.

So you put on a gorgeous dress.

You're all ready for a
night out on the town,


but no one to zip you up?

- Ugh.
- What do you do?


You hook this ingenious
little device to your zipper.


Just a one, two, three.

- Voilà.
- Look at that.


Isn't that cute and convenient?

It is, and you don't need anybody.

All you need is yourself.

You may not know what the night

has in store for you,
but at least you know


you're ready for whatever comes.

♪ Goodbye, stranger ♪

♪ It's been nice ♪

♪ Hope you find your paradise ♪

♪ Tried to see your point of view ♪

♪ Hope your dreams will all come true ♪

♪ Goodbye, Mary, goodbye, Jane ♪

♪ Will we ever meet again? ♪

♪ Feel no sorrow, feel no shame ♪

♪ Come tomorrow, feel no pain ♪

- ♪ Sweet devotion ♪
- ♪ Goodbye, Mary ♪


- ♪ It's not for me ♪
- ♪ Goodbye, Jane ♪


- ♪ Just give me motion ♪
- ♪ Will we ever meet again? ♪


♪ To set me free in the
land and the ocean ♪


- ♪ Feel no sorrow ♪
- ♪ Far away ♪


- ♪ Feel no shame ♪
- ♪ It's the life I've chosen ♪


- ♪ No tomorrow ♪
- ♪ Every day ♪


- ♪ Feel no pain ♪
- ♪ So goodbye, Mary ♪


- ♪ Goodbye, Mary ♪
- ♪ Goodbye, Jane ♪


- ♪ Goodbye, Jane ♪
- ♪ Will we ever ♪


- ♪ Will we ever ♪
- ♪ Meet again? ♪


♪ Meet again? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Now, some they do,
and some they don't ♪


♪ And some you just can't tell ♪

♪ ♪

♪ And some they will,
and some they won't ♪


♪ With some, it's just as well ♪
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