09x03 - sh**t to Thrill

[bunniefuu]

(Hum of student chatter)

Morning, hat-head.

Gimme that.

Awww...
Aren't you two cute?

(Laughs)

Off.

I know, I know.

Clare's waiting for me,
are you coming?

Yeah,
I'll be there in a minute.

(School bell rings)

Clare:
alli, come on.
If we don't sign up now,

All the spots will be full.

There it is!
Finally!

Hatzilakos:
attention, the film club
is now full!

I told you,

Our new-old pricipal
is all business.

Okay, so, um...

What about photo club?

Clare:
yeah, I guess that
could be fun too.

Sav got us the last two spots
in film club!

Ain't he the sweetest?

Kc:
hey, clare.

Everyone's so smoochy
this morning.

Is there, like, a pda club
somewhere?

You're just jealous

Because johnny won't kiss you
in public.

Speaking of,
where is he?

Or are clubs
not his thing?

(With a sigh)
he's probably just busy.

Busy?
Connor: come on!

Everyone has their
own hobbies? Heh.

His are sure different
from yours.

The "I hate johnny" routine,
again?

I don't hate johnny.

I don't think he's nice to you;
that's different.

Connor:
let go!

You just don't know him
like I do.

Bruce:
let's go.

♪♪♪♪♪

♪ Whatever it takes ♪

♪ I know I can make it through ♪

♪ If I hold out ♪

♪ I know I can make it through ♪

♪ Ooooh-oo-oo-oo-oo-ooh ♪

♪ Be the best ♪

♪ The best that I can be ♪

♪ Whatever it takes ♪

♪ I know I can make it ♪

♪ I can make it,
I can make it through ♪

♪ Whatever, woo-ooh ♪

♪ Whatever it takes ♪
(whatever!)

♪ I know I can make it through ♪

Fitz:
new girl!

Can I see your tan lines?

Bruce:
so, fiona,

What club did I see
your, uh, sweet... Face

Sign up for this morning?

Fashion.
I should go sit down.

This seat's not taken.

Declan:
fiona!

Help me defrag a hard drive,
will you?

Shudder.

Public school boys are so...
Shameless.

Yeah, well, I can't always
be your dork shield.

I have a life too.

Well, I've tried "no,"
"forget it" and "I know judo,"

But nothing seems
to fend them off!

Ah, what's another year
of being single, right?

Hey, I've had boyfriends!
Sebastien?

In france?
A pen pal at best.

We lasted a long time!

Only so you could tell
all the guys at school

You're taken.

And now you see why.

(Kissing sounds)

Pa announcement:
attention, degrassi...

Chantay:
portraits.

Ladies, for next week,

Use the camera
to illuminate the soul.

Show us what you see.

I'm gonna show you
johnny.

And even if he actually
lets you,

Won't the photos
end up blank?

Harsh! Johnny has a soul.
He's actually really sweet.

Hey, johnny.

Johnny, um...

I wondered,
can you come over later?

I need help with um...
English.

" 'S" deep.

Sure.
I love that book.

Alli:
so it'll take some convincing.

(Sighs)

(Streetcar and traffic
rumble along)

Alli:
so the telescreens represent
the party's control

Over the masses.

And now we have webcams.
It's the same thing;

Big brother is everywhere.

You know this stuff;

You don't need my help
at all, do you?

Crafty.

Um, johnny,
I was wondering,

Um, why don't you talk about
books with your friends?

(Scoffs)
'cause I can do that
with you.

Know what else I can't do
with my friends?

Have you thought
of joining a club?

Johnny:
nope.

What about some kind
of team?

Nope.

But how come?

I don't know.
I...

I guess I'm just not
the club/team type of guy.

I thought you liked me
like that.

Will you at least help me
practice for photo club?

Just a few sh*ts.

♪ Come here pretty ♪

♪ I've got a way
to mess you up ♪

♪ I'll tell you something ♪

(Shutter clicks rapidly,
camera beeps)

♪ To make you feel
like you're in love ♪

♪ I'll find a way ♪
(door shuts downstairs)

My parents are home
from work!

That's my cue.
Later, backwoods.

Nobody sees these pictures,
right?

Not a soul,
I promise.

Awesome!

♪ And I'll be sure
when you close your eyes ♪

♪ If all you see is me ♪

(Birds chirp,
low hum of chatter)

Kwan:
mimsy's a combination
of flimsy and miserable,

Chortle from chuckle
and snort,

Flare from flame and glare,

And I'm sure I don't need
to explain brangelina.

Now it's your turn.

Anyone?
Another portmanteau?

What about "sexting"?

Kwan:
excuse me?

Um, okay,
can anyone elaborate?

Um, it's like texting,

But instead of sending words,
you send, um, racy photos.

Uh-huh.

Alli, so,
since you're the expert,

My number is ...

(Class chuckles)

Kwan:
class! Focus, please.

Okay, now.

The etymology of words
is a fascinating subject.

Speaking of racy photos...

(Camera beeps)

Oh, wow.

Johnny looks so...
Cuddly.

Never doubt my powers
of persuasion.

(Laughs)

Riley!

Wanna grab a burger?
My mom's making fish loaf.

Can't.
I've got s.a.t. Prep club.

Oh. Thought I could
hang with my bud,

Now that I'm single.

Maybe someone switched
your axe body spray

With girl repellent.

Yeah, unlike you,

I have no need
to repel the ladies.

Hey, lay off the gay jokes,
all right? I mean it.

Okay, all right.
No disrespect. Sorry.

Watch.

I'm gonna work my magic on
that new fashion-y girl.

Fiona?

Keep applying pressure.

I just pricked myself,
I'll be okay.

Dave:
by the way,
welcome to earth!

'Cause you look like
an angel.

Good luck, man.

Hey, um,
is this s.a.t. Prep club?

No, it's fashion.

Where the guys are,
vocab word, indefatigable.

This guy bothering you?

No, no, no!
I was just...

Never mind.

It's fine.

I just can't seem
to accessorize a bandeau

Without a major injury.

Ooh, damn!
You need a transfusion.

- - ?
(Laughs)

Fiona:
yeah, fashion's dangerous,
for sure.

Riley:
you're pretty brave.

I should jet,
but I'll see you around.

Fiona, right?
Have a good "bandeau."

Dave:
classic riley moves.

Handsome, charming,

But inside,
pure playa!

You want someone who's
gonna treat you right?

Like you?
Aren't you grade nine?

Think about it.

I'm not giving up that easy,
angel.

(Exhales)
well, I'm flattered,

But I tamed that playa.
We're dating.

Don't tell him what I said,
okay?

It'll be our little secret.

What're we having today?

Give him his lunch back.

Bruce:
(laughs)

It's a decoy.

Bruce:
there's really something wrong
with that kid.

I, like, I don't know.

Feel free to share
with your friends!

Bruce:
(sarcastic chuckle)

Hey, backwoods.

Um, why aren't you eating
with your friends?

Because I'm eating
with my boyfriend, silly.

You must try this.

Wow.

Oh! (Laughs)
hold on a sec.

Easy, woman.

Alli:
(incredulous breath)

What, are you gonna
change my diaper too?

Johnny,
you're my boyfriend.

I told you,
not in front of my friends!

Those are the rules!

The rules?

You have got to stop caring
about what other people think.

I still have to see them
everyday. I...

You don't get it.

Wait.
Don't be mad.

Listen,

I don't mind
the whole no-sex thing,

But in order for this
to work?

Cool it with the pda

And act a little
more mature.

Got it?

(Door opens)

(Traffic rumbles)

Alli:
why did we even go public

If I'm not allowed
to touch him at school?

Why do you even
wanna touch him?

He's greasy.

Are you even listening?

Sav:
yes, while I put my numbers
into this new phone.

I'm multi-tasking!

(Keypad beeps)

(Sighs)

Okay,

I don't exactly like johnny,

But I hate to see you cry.

So, some advice:

I kinda agree with him.

How can you say that?

It's like me and anya.
We tone it down at school;

We send cute text messages
instead.

That way, you know,
I maintain my manly image.

(Snickers)
manly, sav?

(Sav's phone rings)

Hey, pookie.
Yes, loud and clear.

Heh.

Can i...
Can I have this?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, you're the sweetest.
You are.

(Keypad beeps)

(Whispers)
psst! Dimarco.
I got the stuff.

I told you,
not at school.

(Sighs)

Nightfall.
The abandoned warehouse.

I'm so sorry
about yesterday.

But... Think I got
a compromise.

Prepaid, two months
free texting.

What, so you can track me down
like big brother?

We don't even have to call,
we could just send texts.

Talking, texting...

It's just not for me.

But it's private,
like you said.

I told you
I'm not your puppy,

And a phone seems a lot
like a leash.

(Low hum of student chatter)

♪ The sound of the stiletto ♪

♪ Is writing a libretto ♪

♪ Assaulting you in your sleep ♪

♪ Tick tock ♪

♪ Like, how am I gonna get
what this girls got ♪

♪ La di ♪

♪ La-da-da-da-da ♪

♪ La di ♪
(la di)

♪ La-da-da-da-da ♪

♪ La di ♪

♪ La-da-da-da-da-da ♪

(School bell rings)

Kwan:
so everyone,
finish "twelfth night,"

And think about
secret identities.

I hear you have
a secret identity.

Riley stavros' girlfriend?

Rumours spread fast
around here.

Well, he's a big man
on campus.

Almost never dates
at degrassi.

Nice work!

Oh! Hi!

Find the s.a.t. Club
all right?

Eventually.
Don't know how I'll pass

If I can't even
find the room.

Hey, did you hear
that we're dating?

Rumours fly around here,
huh?

Any idea how
that might've started?

Well, when you came
to fashion club,

It was dave-repellent.

Which was so necessary
that I might've...

I get it.
I don't mind being a decoy,

As long as the girl's
as cute as you.

Um, not to be like
all the others,

But what're you doing
after school?

Wow, uh...
Going out with you?

♪ La di, la di ♪

♪ La-da-da-da-da ♪

♪ La di ♪

♪ La-da-da-da-da ♪

Hey, is johnny gonna eat
with us?

Johnny:
hey, clare. Kc.
'Sup?

You, uh, texted me
the bandhari twins?

The appropriate term
is "sexting."

Sexting...

That is so hot.

Unlimited for two months,
huh?

I could get into this.

Oh, johnny,
you're so sweet.

(Pool balls clack)

Fiona:
just hold it like a pencil,
like that.

Riley and fiona:
(laugh)

When you said you had
some leftover lunch,

I was thinking like
a sandwich or something.

Are you gonna gag?

I've seen it happen,
no shame in it.

Just aim away from the shoes,
okay?

Okay. So, we're hanging.
What's your favourite movie?

I don't know,
I've moved around a lot,

My tastes are kinda weird.

Well, try me.

"Let the right one in."
It's swedish.

Teen vampires?
I saw it at the revue.

You did?

Uh, I love how eli
and oskar's relationship's

So deep and dark.

Yeah, but so, like...
Innocent.

What's in an unagi roll,
anyway?

Eel.

I suppose we can't have
everything in common.

I'm gonna grab a hot dog.

You know what's in those,
right?

Okay, which one:
basketball?

Or covered in bike grease?

Jenna:
definitely the grease.

That's your boyfriend,
little edwards?

Nice work.

Photo's not bad either!

A stuffed puppy?

Alli:
it's a portrait.

Come on,
portraits are of people!

What about these?

Wait. That's johnny?

He looks...

Cute!

He's been really sweet today.
Check out these cute texts.

Clare:
boo? Baby?

Johnny sent these?

It's the new johnny.

Jenna:
this is super adorable, alli.

So, does the "new johnny"
want to double-date

With me and kc sometime?

I'm sure he'd love to.
We'll talk.

Chantay:
this pic's so sweet!

You have to show it.

Okay, let's do it.

(Balls clack,
hum of chatter)

Boy:
(reaching grunt)

Hey.

So how long have you known
riley?

Fiona:
um, we're pretty new.

Are you guys friends,
or...?

Um... We were...

Yeah, until he stopped
calling me.

Oh, I'm... I'm sorry.

No... No,
it's, um...

So he never mentioned me?
He didn't say anything...?

Is he dating anyone,
do you know?

Riley:
see? Percent pure beef.

No surprises... Here.

Boy:
hey, riley.
Long time, huh?

Um, we have to go,
okay?

Boy:
wha...

You're just gonna
ignore me?

How do you know
that guy?

I don't. A lot of freaks
hang around here.

He's probably on dr*gs.

♪ Come here, sweetheart ♪

♪ Crazy 'bout your eyes ♪

♪ But I'll be damned ♪

♪ Sure wanna close your eyes ♪

♪ And all you see is me ♪

(Camera shutter clicks)

Sav:
alli! Dinner!

Just a sec, I'm coming!

♪ Can you believe my luck
with all this stuff ♪

♪ It's making me insane ♪

♪ Can I make you see
how weak you are ♪

♪ And make you will feel... ♪

(Shifting and grinding)

Why do you want
that stupid sign?

It'll look good in my room,
you know?

(Johnny's phone beeps,
johnny laughs)

Whoa! I gotta call alli.

Bruce:
what, your niner girlfriend
texts you

And you run, huh?

We should steal a sign
for your room:

"Caution:

Children at play."

Whatever, losers.

If you got this test,
you'd run too.

(School bell rings)

Thanks for walking me
to school.

Oh, it's the least
I could do.

Maybe someday you won't
have to wait for me

Down the street.

Ah, it's no big deal.

I'm used to being
the forbidden fruit.

Maybe we can be more public
at school?

Well, it's hard to say no
when you send such hot pics...

Sexter.

Bruce:
oh... (Laughs)

It's the cuddly puppy!

Guys:
(laughing)

Fitz:
puppy helps johnny
not be scared of the dark!

(Mock soothing sound)
mmmm...

You need to take that down.

I think it's sweet,
and it's my best picture.

Everyone thinks so!

Sav:
aw, johnny looks so dreamy!

He's all sensitive,

I just wanna give him
a big hug!

Alli, take it down.
Now!

No one was supposed
to see that!

Alli:
why the hell not?!

That's the johnny I see;
the one I like!

You're so smart,

I don't understand
why you act like such a loser!

It's stupid!

I'm stupid?

You're the one sending
naked photos of yourself

To this loser.

Maybe I should show
the alli I see

To my friends.

Oh my god, johnny,
you can't!

Everyone saw my picture.

Seems only fair.
(Phone beeps)

Bruce is gonna love this.

(Phone beeps)

Oh no...
Oh no.

Simpson:
cell phones, please!
There's a test.

You know the rules.

Cell phones.

(Bruce's phone beeps)

Seriously, bruce.

(Heels clacking)

(Phone beeps)
oh my gosh!

Alli:
give me it to me!
Give it!

(Laughing)

Thank you, bruce.
I appreciate... Whoa!

I think you two...

Need to report
to the office.

Immediately.

(Chuckles)

Thank you.

So how was your date?

He was a neanderthal?
You were bored?

No, he was very... Sweet,

Unlike your standard
degrassi perv.

But there's a "but."

(Sighs)
don't tell anyone,

But I'm pretty sure
he likes boys.

(Chuckles)
a match made in heaven.

He needs a beard,
you need a bodyguard.

Riley:
so we're talking
full-on body sh*t?

How crazy is that?

Mm-hm.
I'd show you,

But hatzo deleted
all my pictures.

I shoulda made backups.

Riley:
bummer.

If I had naked chick pics
on my phone,

I'd be making copies.

Bruce:
tell me about it.

You sure your gaydar's
not defective there, sis?

I'm gonna find out.

Riley, hey!

Do you wanna take me to this
"dot" I keep hearing about?

Sure, but you gotta eat
the jalapeno onion burger.

Payback for the eel.

Hatzilakos:
what makes you think
these photos

Won't end up
all over the internet?

They were just
for my boyfriend.

Hatzilakos:
or that in ten years,

Those photos might
still be out there?

They could cost you a job,
alli.

It was just fun.

It wasn't supposed to be
this big serious thing.

It could be...
If the police decide

That you're distributing
child p*rn

By sending them.

Police?

I already have a warning,
they can't know, please!

I know.

And I don't think
this needs to go that far.

(Relieved sigh)
thank you, ms. Hatzilakos.

You're as nice as people
say you are.

I know this stuff
is complicated,

But, please, alli,
protect your body.

You're the only one who can.

Alli:
I only have two things
to say to you,

Then I never wanna talk
to you again.

Go.

One,
we are so broken up

And two,
give me the phone back.

That's it, huh?
Hmm. What phone?

Don't be dumb.

Hatzo searched my locker
and my bag.

She couldn't find it,
it's gone.

Give it back, loser!

Let me tell you
my two things.

One, I told you the rules.

So if anyone acted dumb,
it was you.

And two,
if we're really broken up,

I'm gonna need something
to remember you by.

Johnny, they're photos of me
without my clothes on.

And I promise I'll keep 'em
to myself.

Unlike you,
I can keep a promise.