05x02 - Evil Dread

[bunniefuu]

Chris:

Last time on "total drama":

I welcomed the all-stars

To the newly decontaminated

Island.

Then it was heroes

Versus villains,

Diving into

Shark-infested waters

In search of the one key

That would unlock the door

To the all new maclean

Spa hotel

For winners only.

Thanks to scott's

Cowardly fear of sharks,

We learned that

Inside every robot

Beats the heart

Of a spaniard.

In this case, alejandro.

And while alejandro

Might not hold the key

To heather's heart anymore,

He did hold the key

To the spa hotel

And victory

For the villainous vultures!

And the heroic hamsters

Bid farewell to lindsay

Via our newest

And most humiliating commode

Of transportation:

The flush of shame.

Who will be next

To pop through the pooper?

Find out right now on...

Total drama all-stars!

♪♪

♪ I wanna be,

I wanna be

♪ I wanna be famous

♪ I wanna be,

I wanna be

♪ I wanna be famous

(Whistling chorus)

(Camera shutter snaps)

Mike as chester:

There's a storm a comin',

Dagnabit!

Mike as svetlana:

(Inhales deeply)

I'm scared!

After all these years,

He's goin'k to return!

Mike as vito:

(Inhales) hey, oh,

How we gonna stop this goombah?

Mike as manitoba:

(Inhales) hush it, mates,

Mike is waking up!

(As himself)

Huh? Huh? What's that?

You guys say something?

(Snoring)

(Mosquito buzzes,

Slurps and glugs blood)

Sam:

(Groans)

(Glass shatters, blood sloshes,

Mosquito buzzes)

Ahhh! What the heck?!

Zoey:

Courtney? What's wrong?

Courtney:

What's wrong is that

We're sharing a cabin

With a superfan

With a bad case of crazy!

Sierra:

(Giggles)

Hey, courtney!

I've updated

The "sleeping" section

Of your picture gallery

On my fan site!

Weeee!

I hate to break chris's rules

About smuggling in special items

Like my cell phone,

But I have to keep

My td blogs current!

"Zoey's even sweeter

Than she is on tv.

Courtney is even courtney-er

Than ever."

It's better this way.

Last time, I had a teensy bit

Of a problem

With internet withdrawl.

Without this link to codywody,

I'd probably lose my mind!

(Static buzzes)

Oh, internet,

Never leave me!

Chef:

Room service, suckers!

Courtney, zoey and sierra:

(Frightened screams)

Courtney:

What's wrong with you?!

Here's breakfast!

(Snickers)

Thank you, chef!

We've got to win

The next challenge

And get into that spa hotel!

(Gobbling sounds)

True love sure does

Build an appetite!

(Gobbling voraciously)

Scott:

Oh, I am diggin' this.

I can't wait to be

A millionaire!

I got up at a.m.

This morning

To watch the releasing

Of the doves,

And I'm just gonna

Say it,

(Emotional)

It was beautiful!

Yeah, this is the life!

And if we keep winning

Challenges

We can live like kings

All season.

To villainy!

(Clink)

Yeah...

(Groans) villainy.

'Sup with you,

Dollface?

What?

Oh, uh, nothing.

Just, uh, you know, um,

Wondering how lightning's doing

On boney island?

(Loud thunderclap)

Ha-ha! Fish!

You've been struck

By lightning!

(Bird squawks)

Lightning:

Oh no you don't!

(Straining grunts)

(Bird squawks)

Woo!

(Gulps)

(Stomach gurgles)

Sha-dang!

This fishy is swimmin'

Back upstream!

(Stifles vomit)

(Vomiting)

Jo:

I just hope lightning doesn't

Find the invincibility statue.

If we don't vote him off soon,

He'll be too strong

For us to b*at later!

So maybe we should do it

Right away -

Throw the next challenge.

Pffft!

And give up all this?

No way!

True 'nough.

This is sweet!

You know what I slept on

Last night?

A pillow!

Filled with feathers!

Back on the farm,

It's a burlap sack

Filled with small animals.

You ever had a pillow

Bite your face?

Jo:

I'd like to enjoy

My breakfast now

And that will require you

To stop talking.

Heather:

Quit hogging the masseuse!

Alejandro:

(Sighs) I'm sure her hands

Are magical,

If only I could feel them.

Seriously?

Your legs are still asleep?

I don't know

If they'll ever wake up!

I was squashed

Into that robot suit

For an entire year.

Which you'd've known

Had you ever texted!

It's not like

You ever texted me!

Are you getting

Your eyebrows waxed?

Wow.

They call it manscaping

Because it is very manly.

And I didn't text you

Because I was trapped

In a robot suit!

Heather:

Well... (Huffs)

Whatever!

Alejandro:

(Pained scream)

Puh-lease!

This "my legs don't work" thing

Is obviously bogus.

He just wants sympathy,

But news flash!

I am not falling for him.

It.

Not falling for it.

I've never found heather

To be more radiant.

Her glossy locks,

Her perma-frown,

The way the hair

On her upper lip

Catches the light

When she yells at me.

Keep in mind, I was in

A robot suit for a year.

Chris:

Attention, campers:

It's challenge time!

Get your heinies

Down to the beach pronto!

Shall I fetch

The baby carriage?

Show-off!

Chris:

Ooh, somebody's invisible!

(Laughs) harsh!

Tv couples:

Is it ever a good idea?

(Boat whirs,

Horn honks)

Any luck finding

The invincibility statue?

No need.

I am an invincibility

Statue!

He is so arrogant.

I might understand it

If he had this face,

But he does not have

This face.

Arrogant?!

Be fair now, look at me.

Sha-yeah!

Bonjour, mes campers.

Some of you will recall

Our season three parisian

"Find and build a sculpture"

Debacle.

Well, this time,

Our interns have buried

D puzzle pieces

All over the beach -

Seven pieces per team.

Find all your pieces

And assemble them

On your platform

To recreate one of the landmarks

Visited on our world tour.

First to finish wins.

Sam? You okay?

(Groans)

I'm feeling woozy.

Kind-kinda drained a little,

A lot.

(Groans)

Not sure why.

Since the villainous vultures

Won the first challenge,

They get to dig with shovels.

Incoming!

(Whipping through air)

Heather:

Aaggghhhh!

Gwen:

Aggghhhh!

Sha-yoink!

Um, shovel please?!

Nuh-unh!

I need both.

When this one gets tired,

I'll use this one!

(Hard metallic clang)

(Lightning thuds in the sand)

Sam:

Hey, where are our shov-

Aggghhhhhhh!

(Groans and screams)

Chris:

And getting on and off

Your platforms

Will be challenging

Due to the moats...

(Sand explodes)

That are filled with...

Sam:

Agghhh! Crustaceans!

(Screams in pain)

(Laughs)

I don't know why,

But it gets funnier

Every time.

Lightning:

No big thing

For light-o-ning!

Sha-bam! Agh!

(Screams in pain)

Chris:

And you might wanna watch out

For booby traps in the sand.

Mike:

What are we supposed

To dig with?

Sorry,

Shovels are for winners only.

(Laughs)

I guess you'll have to use

Your hands.

Your challenge starts... Now!

(Air-horn blasts)

Zoey:

We should divide our area

Into sections

And each dig in one.

Courtney:

No. Let's separate the beach

Into quadrants

And each pick a quadrant.

Cameron:

That's exactly what zoey said.

Courtney:

Then, good,

We'll use the plan that zoey

And I came up with!

Zoey:

Go, team!

Mike, sam, cameron and sierra:

Go, team!

Courtney:

(Irritated growl)

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

Can we start digging now?

What's with the love-in?

Hello?!

It's called "total drama,"

Not "total friendship."

Strategy, people!

Stra-te-gy!

We should start from one end

And dig to the other one

In a straight line!

And what if the pieces

Are all at the far end?

Huh?! Huh?!

We need two lines

That push in towards the centre.

Right, guys?

Lightning:

Ain't nobody telling lightning

Where to dig!

I'm my own man!

(Water splashes)

Sometimes when my tummy's empty,

My mind ain't full.

Stupid boney island fish!

(Gags)

Ugh! I can't believe

Lightning made it

To last season's finale.

Does he ever sha-shut up?

(Vomiting)

(Frantic panting)

Weee!

(Beeping)

Cameron: agghhhh!

Chris: ewww!

Chef's dirty laundry.

Cameron: blech!

Chris: prett-ay stink-ay.

Cameron:

(Gasps) here.

We could use

Some of manitoba smith's

Treasure-hunting skills

Right about now.

Mike:

(Inhales deeply)

(Mike's arms

b*at like rotors)

(Ground rumbles)

(Australian accent)

G'day, beauty!

(Grunts)

Zoey:

(Panting forcefully)

(Exhausted pant)

Whew!

Looks like

The real treasure

Is right here

Beside me.

(Chuckles)

Wink, wink.

Heather:

Fine! We'll work in

A circular motion

Towards the center.

Jo:

No! Start with the corners,

Then move to the center

And zigzag.

(Sighs)

Some team.

Heather:

Exactly! A team without a leader

Is like a horse without a head;

It just runs around blind.

I'm pretty sure

A horse without a head

Doesn't run anywhere.

Agreed!

Which is why I should be

This team's leader.

No, I should!

Let's let

The team decide!

Fine!

Jo: come here, scott!

Heather: lightning!

Jo: scott!

Heather: (whistles)

(Frustrated grunt)

I give up! Whoa!

I hope you know that

I appreciate your efforts.

You are as wise

As your skin is translucent.

I know he's evil,

But oof... Those eyes!

(Vomiting)

Attention, team!

I am your leader!

Heather:

No, I am!

(Metallic clank)

I found a piece!

(Shovelling)

(Grunts of effort)

Jo:

You'd never have found it

Without me.

Heather and jo:

(Struggling grunts)

Aaggghhhh!

Heather:

Oops! Sorry.

Agghhh! Ouch!

Ouch! Ouch!

Chris:

Two booby traps,

Two puzzle pieces,

And two deliciously evil moats.

It's still anyone's game,

But it won't be for long,

Right here on...

Total... Drama... All-stars!

An hour has passed

And the teams are still tied

At one all.

Which raises

A pertinent question:

(Yelling)

What is taking so long?!

Teams: (griping)

It's hot! We don't have shovels!

I have sand in my shorts!

Lightning:

I'm amazing!

Chris:

Blah, blah, blah,

Whine whine!

Hurry up,

I have dinner plans!

Cameron:

Whooaaaaaaaaa!

Scott:

(Laughing)

Ungh!

Cameron:

Agh!

Huh?

All right!

Chris:

And that's two

For the villains.

(Grunt of effort)

That's all right,

Sweetheart,

Don't strain yourself.

Allow me.

Well, if you insist.

Mike:

Whoa!

Courtney:

Agh! Oof!

(Pained cries)

Yes! Got one!

Duncan:

Way to go gwe- ack!

Gwen:

(Laughs)

Jo:

Ha! Finally!

(Straining grunt)

Ha!

Lightning:

Lightning to the rescue!

Way to go me!

Hey! Come back here

With that!

Check it out, guys,

I found- hmph!

(High-pitched tone)

Another one.

Nuts?

Ha! Too small for lightning!

Jo:

Agh! (Muttering)

Stupid... Darn it...

Mike:

Another?! Ha!

It's like taking vegemite

From a 'roo.

I could show you how

Sometime.

Uh, no thanks.

Uh, with mike, maybe.

(Australian accent)

Ah, she's a loyal one.

(Chuckles)

Mike knows how to pick 'em!

(Low rumbling,

Water bursts)

Aren't you beautiful!

Muah!

Look at gorgeous you!

Muah!

Sexy beast!

Mmm!

(Nonchalant whistling)

(Metallic clank)

Scott:

(Evil snicker)

Mike:

What're you up to,

Kookaburra?

Whatever do you mean?

Ha! Nice try,

You wily dingo!

(Trap clicks,

Bees buzz)

Scott:

Bees! Bees!

(Hard whack,

Loud boom)

Zoey:

Mike? Mike?!

Mike!

Svetlana:

Go with the fishing!

Vito:

Eh-yo, it's go fish,

Not fishing!

Chester:

Oh, that can't be good!

Manitoba:

Hey, do you feel that?

The malevolent one,

He's comin'!

Svetlana:

(Shrieks)

(Rumbling,

Flames whoosh)

Zoey:

Mike! Oh, please be okay!

Mike!

(As himself)

Oh, my head.

Zoey:

No, stop!

You need to rest.

Mike:

I'm okay.

Come on,

We gotta get back to digging.

Scott:

Bees!

Huh. Weird.

I can't find manitoba.

A-ha!

I knew he was faking it!

Oh.

(Claws snap)

(Yawns)

Jo:

Hey, leggy mclatin,

Nice accessory!

(Clunk)

His legs are really asleep?

Great.

Now I feel awful.

It took all I had

To hold in that scream

'Til no one was looking.

(Muffled screams)

Cha-cha-cha!

Surrrrprise!

(Grunts of effort)

Sierra?

What are you doing?

You're like feet deep!

Sierra:

Guess I got carried away.

I was pretending

That I was digging for cody!

(Grunts)

How many pieces do we have now?

Cameron:

I don't know,

Maybe we should-

Agghhh! Oof!

We've got six

Out of seven pieces!

Zoey:

You guys start working

On the puzzle,

We'll keep digging!

Sam:

(Panting) yeah,

Good plan.

Just gotta catch my breath.

Aaggghhhh!

(Loud clang)

When we did

Our safety test,

Thate boat wasn't there.

As if we test

These things!

Both:

(Laugh)

Ow! Jellyfish!

It stung my butt!

Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!

Mike and vultures:

(Laugh)

(Laughing)

(Laughing)

How can you laugh?

'Cause the only cure

For a jellyfish sting

Is to pee on it!

Sam:

(Screaming)

(Splash)

(Water bubbles)

(Relieved sigh)

Zoey:

Ew!

Well no one else

Was gonna pee on me.

(Laughs) huh.

That is a weird sentence.

Cameron:

A book. A crown.

What the heck

Are we supposed to be building?

Wait, I got it!

These pieces make

The statue of liberty!

That's seven!

Let's start sha-building!

(Footsteps patter through sand)

(Leaping grunt)

Alejandro: (pants)

Jo: comin' through!

Scott: woo-hoo!

Gwen: sorry, alejandro.

Heather:

Keep still!

Duncan:

Thanks, buddy.

(Laughs)

(Weakened groan)

Ungh!

Come on, people,

Put this thing together already!

Alejandro:

Try those two together.

No, those two!

Lightning:

Lightning finds

The final piece!

I'm a hero!

It's probably a statue of me

Bein' me!

Gwen:

It's tall, whatever it is,

And boxy, like a tower.

Oh, big ben!

Zoey:

One piece to go!

It has to be

In sam's quadrant!

Sam:

Sorry, guys,

I'm moving as fast as I can.

Cameron:

All we need is the torch!

Hurry!

Heather:

What's with the big hole?

Gwen:

Maybe we put it together wrong?

Oh, come on,

Just get it sha-done!

(Crab claws snap,

Pieces crash)

Jo:

Ugh! Way to go, liability.

Lightning:

Hey, it's not my fault

You put it together wrong!

We didn't put it together wrong!

There are only six pieces!

Jo:

Great! So lightning miscounted!

Come on, everyone,

We've still got digging to do.

I counted seven!

This is a conspiracy!

Heather:

Yeah, a conspiracy

Of bad counting!

Jo:

Oh yeah!

Mike and zoey:

(Straining grunts)

Zoey:

The torch!

Hamsters:

Yeah! Come on! Go! Hurry!

You can do it! Go!

(Cheering)

Yes! Eeee! Woo-hoo! Yeah!

Chris:

The heroic hamsters win!

Vultures:

(Groaning)

Zoey and mike: yeah!

Sam: yay!

Courtney and sierra:

Spa hotel! Spa hotel!

Chris:

Ahem...

I do require a volunteer

For exile duty.

This one's on me, guys,

To make up for my lack

Of digging skills and- agghhh!

(Boat engine starts,

Rumbles off)

Gwen:

Hey, courtney, I just wanted

To say congrats on the-

(Boing)

Whoa!

(Thwap,

Objects clatter)

Gwen: (horrified gasp)

Courtney: (coughing)

Ewww!

(Coughs)

(Clapping)

Gwen:

That was an accident!

I didn't mean to-

Chris:

Gwen, gwen, gwen.

So evil.

You are definitely

On the right team!

Chris:

Welcome, hamsters.

Sit back,

Enjoy the show.

Vultures, it's time for you

To vote off your first villain.

One by one,

They will all fall.

Huh?

Did you say something, mike?

Mike:

(Deep inhale)

Uh, no, just sitting here.

Lightning cost us

The challenge,

But jo's annoying.

Tough call.

(Huffs, upset)

I don't know who to vote for!

They're all evil!

Chris:

The following players are safe

For another day:

Duncan, gwen,

Scott, alejandro,

And heather.

Lightning,

You're on the chopping block

For your crummy math skills

And incessant bicep kissing.

If they were yours,

You'd do it too.

Muah! Muah!

Chris:

And, jo, you're on the block

For your annoyingly

Pushy campaign

To send lightning home.

Lightning:

You did what?!

Chris:

And tonight's loser is...

(Kissing)

Chris:

Lightning!

Sha-what?!

Lightning:

Tossing away

Your strongest team member?!

You're gonna regret this,

'Specially you, jo!

You're a total sha-

Aaggghhhhhhh!

Family show, people,

Family show.

Who else is in line

For a porcelain goodbye?

Find out next time on...

Total... Drama... All-stars!