05x23 - Scarlett Fever

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Total Drama". Aired: July 8, 2007 to present.*
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Canadian animated comedy of teenagers who compete in a reality show in parody of reality shows.
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05x23 - Scarlett Fever

Post by bunniefuu »

Chris:

Last time on

"Total drama pahkitew island:"

Dave made sure things with

He and sky were still okay.

(Happily)

And they weren't!

(Laughs)

My insane challenge

Put the teams

In some crazy-dangerous

Situations.

We saw a side of max

That was even creepier

Than the side he'd been

Showing us!

And topher got a very important

Phone call from the network

Saying he was taking over

As the new host!

Sadly for topher,

The calls were from me...

And I'm a liar.

Topher got the blame.

The cannon went blam.

Now it's back to the game

And only seven remain!

Who's next to go?

Just watch the show.

It's time for

"Total drama pahkitew island!"

♪♪♪

♪ I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

♪ I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

(Whistling chorus)

Chris: (over pa)

Shhh. Sleeepy heads...

I'm here to turn your dreeeeams

Into niiiightmaaares.

Picture yourself on a

Daaaannngerous iiisland.

(Air horn sounds)

Psych!

Shawn, jasmine:

Owww!

Chris:

You already are on a dangerous

Island! (Evil laugh)

Meeting area. Now!

(Sugar snoring)

Max:

What is so important

It required waking us

In the middle of the night?

Scarlett:

Cognitive function

Is dependent on r-e-m sleep!

Shawn: (yawns)

Can we go back to bed now?

Chris:

The reason I called you here is

Because it's time

To merge the teams.

Consider yourselves merged.

And that couldn't have waited

Until the morning?

Hey, if you guys don't want

The midnight merger meal,

Then fine!

Just go back to bed.

You've never done

Anything nice. Ever!

What gives?

Fiiine. The lawyers called

To say

That feeding only one team

Every couple days

Is technically "starvation".

So, this is a legally enforced

Team merger celebration dinner.

All:

Wow! Sweet! Awesome!

Chris:

It was gonna be gourmet pizzas,

Bison burgers

And sweet potato fries,

But the silk table cloth

And silver candelabras

Put us way over budget.

So tonight you'll be eating...

Juggy chunks!

(Horrified gasps)

Woohoo!

Is this thanksgiving?!

I've never heard

Of these juggy chunks.

Sugar:

C'mon. You've seen

The commercials.

They got that catchy jingle

And it ends with the cartoon

Horse that goes

(Horse voice)

"I've never won a race

But I'm still delicious"

(Whinny)

"They're grrrrrratifying!"

How does a horse give

A thumbs up?

Cartoon horses always

Give a thumbs up,

Otherwise they get mistaken

For real horses.

Chris:

Okay!

Save some wonderful truisms

For your spin off show, sugar.

(Excited gasp)

Relax. I'm kidding.

Television broadcast standards

Could never sink that low.

(Angry growl)

I got great show ideas!

Ahem: a show called:

That's nothing:

Real people tells me

Their problems

And I just yell "suck it up".

I'd watch that!

Chris:

This fabulous dinner will

Be used as a pre-challenge!

The first player to finish

Their cup of juggy chunks

Will be safe from elimination.

All right, everyone,

Grab some chunks!

This stuff expired

In .

Ohh, it'll be fine;

They're mostly meat,

Eggs and mayonnaise

And I kept them somewhere

Very warm.

Ready! Set! Enjoy!

(Blows air horn)

This is repulsive!

You can do it jasmine,

Just-

I don't need any help

From you!

(Gulps)

I can't believe jasmine

Still won't forgive me.

I've been nothing but nice

Since smashing her

Into the water

With a dueling stick!

(Hums happily)

(Gulps, belches)

I've never eaten anything

This gross!

Except for that time I was

Singing while riding my bike

And I swallowed a butterfly.

Weird that something so pretty

Could taste that bitter.

I don't like eating

Questionable food,

But shawn's right.

If I wanna win sky back

I gotta be a fierce competitor.

So, yeah...yeah!

(Gulping)

Are you watching me, sky?!

I'm an eating slash winning

Machine!

Don't let my (gags) awesomeness

Distract you!

(Licks, shudders)

Chris:

You're never gonna get immunity

Like that, scarlett!

(Deep breath)

(Gagging)

(Circus song, gulping)

Ya. Eating challenges

Are not my thing.

Sure hope there's leftovers!

Hey! I just remembered

The juggy chunks jingle!

♪ Whaaaat's made of horse meat,

Smells like skunk ♪

♪ Comes in a jug

It's juggy chunks. ♪

♪ How's your dinner?

Mine's just fine. ♪

♪ 'Cause I love

The taste of brine. ♪

♪ Juggy chunks is perfect meal ♪

♪ For any celebration ♪

♪ Please ignore the warning ♪

♪ From the food and

Drug administration! ♪

Yummmm-y!

Done!

Chris:

Sugar wins the pre-challenge

And has immunity!

Sugar:

Wwwweeeeeeeeeeee!

(All groan)

Chris:

Dave, sky, you can stop now.

Done!

Done!

To eat that entire cup

And not win! Argh!

I have never been

This angry before!

Heh heh. Didn't win immunity

But I did b*at sky.

This is the perfect time

To rub it in a little.

Oh ya, she's gonna fall in love

With me riiiiight now.

Second place to me!

Boom!

Totally did better than you.

Heh heh.

How sexy am I now?!

Bet you wish I was still

Your boyfriend!

Arggggh! You were never

My boyfriend!

And you will never be

My boyfriend!

And you have no sh*t

Of b*ating or dating me!

Got it?!

Sky:

(Frustrated growl)

Max:

Ha ha! Look at his face!

Chris:

Okay. On that super

Awkward note

It's time to introduce

Our nighttime challenge;

Hide and group seek.

Sugar won immunity

So she will be it.

Weeeeeeeeeee!!!

Everyone will be given

A head start to go and hide

Then sugar will come

And hunt you down.

Each person sugar finds

And tags

Joins her to search

For the others.

You hunt together,

No splitting up!

Anyone tagged before sunrise

Will be on the chopping block

At elimination.

Anyone not tagged by then

Will also have immunity.

Dave:

(Whimpers, sobbing)

Chris:

Um, dave? You okay?

(Whimpering, sobbing)

(Muffled)

Yes.

I gotta pull it together.

If she sees me crying she'll

Never want to date me!

I'm glad you're okay.

I thought maybe hearing sky

Say you had no chance,

None, like zero,

Never gonna happen,

Would've depressed you.

(Strained)

Nope.

'Cause that kind

Of rejection can-

Chris, stop it.

I mean she was all

You cared about.

Please!

Chris:

To have her stomp on your heart

And toss it in the toilet

Like that...

With all of us here,

Watching it happen.

Wow! Gotta hurt.

Anyway...

Game time!

Everyone but sugar,

Go hide!

(Air horn sounds)

Um, sky-?

No, dave!

No. No! I am not giving up

On her!

(Laugh)

I'm comin' sky!

Ahh love... So stupid.

I don't care what chris says.

Sky said she liked me

And I know she still does!

I just need to find out

Why she's denying it.

Denying us!

Sugar:

(Slurp) ahhhh!

Chris:

Um. You've already got

Immunity,

You can stop eating now.

(Slurping)

Mmmmmm.

Momma says I got the stomach

Of a raccoon.

Probably from eatin'

All that raccoon.

Guess y'are whatchoo eat!

Oh come on! Don't hold out

On the juggy chunks -

I know you got more!

You, are starting

To freak me out.

(Yelling into the air)

Here comes sugar!

(Air horn sounds)

(Impact grunt) owwww!

Off you go now.

Go on. Git!

Chris:

So the hunt begins.

Anyone sugar finds before

Sunrise is up for elimination.

Shawn: hey!

Jasmine: ahh!

Jasmine:

(Growls)

Shawn:

Sorry, I didn't mean to- hi.

I got- I found an amazing

Hiding spot

And I want you to have it.

You know to...

Make up for the thing,

Back at the place,

With the stick

And the hitting.

I feel bad about it so-

Jasmine:

Right. You give me

The great hiding spot

And when you're caught

You know right where I'll be.

I know your game.

No thanks.

Shawn:

I would never do that!

I would never hurt you.

(Softer) again.

(Panting) wha-

How did I lose her?

Sky? Sky?! Sky!!!!!

Sky:

Shh! You're going to get us

Both caught!

Go hide somewhere else!

Dave:

Well excuse me for wanting

To be near you!

I'm very sorry.

I'm also sorry that I believed

You when you said you liked me!

Obviously you-

Sky:

Hey! I said I like you but!

But you didn't want to hear

The but!

But that's not my fault!

Dave:

Please let me be

Your boyfriend.

Sky:

Arrghhh!

I need you to hear this.

(Calm and certain)

No.

Dave: but-

Sky: no more buts.

Just "no". Bye dave.

Ugh. I think the stress of

Telling dave to leave me alone

Is giving me an ulcer!

I'm just going to double back

To my hiding spot

And wait it out until sunrise.

Wait for- ah!! Oof!

(Groans)

Sky? Sky!

Aaaarrrrrrrrrrggghh!

Hauh!

(Throws shoe) rahhh!

Great!

Well, I don't need you either!

I'm a lone wolf.

( Wolf calls,

Wolfs howling back)

(Howling turns into coughs)

Looks like dave has lost more

Than his shoe.

Who'll successfully hide

And who'll take

The cannon ride?

Find out when we come back

To "total drama pahkitew

Island!"

My tummy feels wonky.

Very wonky.

Scarlett:

Yes. You've been saying

So for minutes now.

I get it.

Max:

I just don't usually

Get the tummy wonkies.

Never this degree

Of wonky anyway.

Ohhh.

I could ditch max,

But in this challenge

Sugar is the hunter.

I lessen my chances

Of becoming prey

By staying near someone

Easier to catch.

Weakest in the herd

Is always the target.

Max:

...wonkiest it's ever been.

Is it more wonky

Or wonkier?

It might be safer

If you stop talking now.

True.

Sugar might hear us.

Sure,

That's what I meant.

Try to keep up,

I really need you close by.

The power of eeevil!!

Scarlett:

Shh!

(Stomach rumbles, max groans)

Sugar:

Oo! What the-?!

They got flyin' att*ck shoes

Now? Man!

I've been shoppin'

At the wrong stores!

Dave:

Can you pass my shoe please?

I'm gonna toss it up

Nice and gentle.

Ready to catch?

Make a little boat

With your hands.


(Pained) oohhhhww...

Oooooww!

(Groan)

Tag, suckah!

Ow!

Now you're on team sugar!

Let's get huntin'!

Whatever.

Nothing matters.

Thanks for the info.

Very helpful.

Well, you were right.

According to the juggy chunks

Poison hotline,

The kids should not have eaten

Expired juggy chunks.

They might have severe nausea,

Vomiting, strange behaviour

And hallucinations.

And that makes you happy?

I'm just impressed they have

Their own poison hotline;

That just shows you how much

These juggy people care!

Max:

Sidekick, stop.

I need another rest break.

Scarlett:

No. Our best chance

Of not being caught

Is to travel away

From the starting point

Faster than sugar travels

Towards us.

No more breaks!

I don't care for your tone,

Or the way you're blurring

Around the edges!

Evil sits on the grass

When evil wants to sit

On the grass!

(Impact grunt)

Max:

Oooo!

Scarlett:

(Gasp) what have we here?!

(Birds chirp)

Oh yeah... She might say she

Likes ya, but she doesn't!

She just cares

About the briefcase

With the one million worms!

That's all she cares about!

I think I just found

A way to motivate him.

The way sky treated

You was wrong!

You know what I'd want more

Than anything if I was you?

To be her boyfriend?

Nooo.

I'd wanna catch her -

So she can't win

The million dollars!

Yesss!

You hear that,

No-love-feeling, meanie-pants!

I'm comin' for ya!

Focus dave. Focus.

Where'd you last see her?

I huh ya wahhh- this way!

Why am I having so much trouble

Figuring this out?

My head is pounding!

(Gasp)

We have food poisoning!

Max:

Explains my we so tummy wonky!

Scarlett:

This is real, scarlett.

The island is being controlled

By a main computer. (Gag)

You need to find it and gain

Control of the island.

Focus.

Dave:

She was in there,

Then I left.

But that was the last place

I saw her.

Sugar: yaa-haaa!

Sky: (pained grunt)

Woo-hoo!

We got her, dave!

(Stomach growling)

Ugh. I'm starting to feel like

I ate a bag of bad news.

How are you two doing?

(Both groan)

Sugar:

So it's just me, huh?

Chris:

Considering she won

The challenge

It sure took the juggy chunks

Awhile

To make sugar feel weird.

But to be fair sugar started

Off weirder than the others;

Maybe it takes longer

To see a change in her.

(Laughs)

I got no clue where shawn

And jasmine are hiding

So they must've found

Some good spots.

Evil vomits!

(Vomits, panel fizzles)

Scarlett:

We should get out of here.

Max:

Can't. Move.

Wheeeee!

(Lightning strikes)

As morning grows closer

This challenge is getting

Really entertaining!

I wonder if there's a way to

Accidentally poison these kids

Before every challenge?

(Groans with disapproval)

Chris:

No? Meh, you're probably right.

It would lose it's charm

After awhile.

Max:

Whee!

Scarlett:

(Groans)

Sugar:

Gotcha! Uuughhhnnn...

C'mon, sun will be up soon.

Let's find shawn and jasmine!

(Sick groaning)

Max:

Wonky.

(Vomits)

Sugar:

There's jasmine! Get her!

(Sick groaning)

Shawn:

Keep it together now!

Sunrise is minutes away!

You can do this!

Sugar:

Give up, jasmine!

Become one of us!

(Gasp) zombies! Ahhh!

This is not a drill soldier!

The zombies are here

And they're after jasmine.

Now what... Are you...

Prepared to do?!

Last time I thought zombies

Were here

I was too scared to try

And save jasmine.

I'm not making

That mistake again!

Not again!

Whoa! Oof! Owwwwwww!

(Sick groaning)

Shawn:

Jasmine! I'm coming

To save you!

(Effort strain)

Jasmine:

I can't run anymore.

Leave me here.

Shawn:

I won't leave you.

Not ever!

Maybe you can't run

But you can climb!

(Sick groaning)

Shawn:

Climb!

(Sick groaning)

Shawn:

They can climb?!

Everything I know is wrong!

Jasmine:

What do we do now?

Shawn:

Higher. We! Go! Higher!

(Sick groaning)

Jasmine:

There's nowhere to go.

Shawn:

It can't end like this!

Sugar:

Must catch...

Shawn:

It won't end like this!

I want you to carry on

Without me.

You can b*at those zombies!

Jasmine:

These what?

Shawn:

When you see your chance,

You run! You survive!

Ahhhh!!!

Max:

Wonky.

(Pained grunts)

(Air horn sounds)

Game over.

Jasmine has also gained

Immunity!

Now... Everyone back

To the meeting area

We need to pump your stomachs.

(All groan)

(Vomits)

Sky: gross.

Chris:

Sugar and jasmine

Won their immunity.

And after the voting:

Scarlett, max and shawn

Are safe.

That leaves dave and sky.

(Gasps)

Me?! Why me?!

Chris:

Don't look so shocked, sky.

The way you talked to dave

After the pre-challenge

Was pretty much like watching

Someone hoof a kitten

In the nards.

Exactly like.

Sugar please stop talking.

For ever.

Now, dave-

If I have no chance with sky,

I don't wanna be here.

I campaigned to get myself

Voted into the cannon.

I even made buttons!

Dave, dave, dave...

I love the button.

It was close pal.

And it would've been sky

Going home

If you hadn't voted

For yourself.

Dave, you're going

To the cannon.

Thanks for saving me.

I was wrong about you,

You're a good guy.

Don't bite me!

Oh, (awkward giggle)

Okay.

Chris:

Any final words he asked

As if there might not be

One last desperate attempt

To capture love?

Dave:

Sky, if you don't win

And you feel like getting

In touch...

(Crickets chirp)

Dave:

Fire.

Sky:

Dave! Wait i... Aw.

Chris:

Well, dave is gone

And it might seem wrong

But it is what it... Is?

(Winds howl)

Who's next to...to...

To... Cannon?

Um. Ya. Here on total drama!

Pahki- what the heck

Is going on?!

Chris:

On the next "total drama":

The campers are on their own

To fight against robots

And the clock in a game

Of life and death.

Some get closer,

Some further apart.

Wait to see what happens next.

It's too much of a good thing.

Will anyone survive?

I can't wait to see this one!

Find out on the next

"Total drama pahkitew island!"
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